CHAPTER 16

Remus's Secret

September passed in the wink of an eye. The leaves were falling from the trees of the Forbidden Forest, and it looked as if the woods were alight with fire during the sunset. The students had taken a new interest in the Whomping Willow; they enjoyed whacking it with a stick, and seeing how close they could get to the trunk before it took a whack at them.

Ever since the night of Darryl's outburst, Sirius had been very quiet. He studied Remus with the utmost curiosity, and could be found in the library. He had even been able to talk Professor F into writing him a permission slip for the Restricted Section. James was worried, so he followed him into the library. Madam Pince groaned as she saw the two of them walk in side by side.

"You're starting to turn into Snape, you know that?" James said as they moved briskly to the Restricted Section.

"Uh huh," Sirius said offhandedly, and then he started to scan the shelves. "Help me, here, okay? I'm looking for --- oh, wait, I've got it. Yeah, this is the one."

He grabbed the book and headed for a table. He hungrily opened it and began to read.

"Yeah! Just what I thought!" Sirius said, nodding his head vigorously. "I knew it! I knew it!"

"What? You knew what?" James asked, sitting down next to him. Sirius pointed at old writing that was written in blood.

Werewolves
Dark Creatures of the Night

Werewolves are known for their savage ways. Every month when the full moon rises, the half-blooded monster will transform by the moon's light into its true form, and not return to his or her human form until dawn breaks.


Werewolves are considered dangerous. They are watched carefully by the Ministry of Magic at all times.

"James, do you know what this means?" Sirius asked.

"I have no clue," James said, looking back at the page.

"You remember Remus's mum? How you were feeling so sorry for her?"

"Yeah, it's a horrible thing to happen to-"

"She's fine."

James looked up at Sirius's dark face. "What? What do you mean she's fine? It was only last night that Remus told us that he's going back to see her."

"He's not going to see her," Sirius said.

"What?"

"I should have realized it sooner."

"Speak up, man! What are you talking about?"

Sirius let out a deep breath, and then said quickly, "Remus Lupin is a werewolf."

James didn't know whether to laugh or scream. Lupin, quiet Lupin, a vicious monster? What kind of -

But Sirius wasn't smiling. He was stone cold, his face set. It wasn't like him.

"Sirius?" James asked weakly.

"Think about it," Sirius said, "Klein despised him. Well, no wonder. He was an Auror that killed them for a job, and there's one sitting right in the back of his class, and he has to teach him. And then his snuffbox. Did you see it? He was right after me in the exams. It was a full moon. A full moon, James! What about him arguing with Klein? The way that all the other teachers favor him? The way that Professor McGonagall babies him? Remember the night that he was howling and screaming, and we had to sleep out in the common room? That wasn't a dream, James. That was him doing his --- doing his little thing --- turning into a werewolf. The claw marks, James! You saw them as well as I did! He never takes any bags with him! He always looks physically ill when he comes back! And not to mention," he said, plowing on - James looked like he was going to be sick - "Darryl saying that he knew what he was."

"That's --- that's crazy ---"

"It's true," Sirius said, slamming the book shut, "and I'm going to prove it to you tonight. We're following him. When Sprout comes to get him, we're following him to wherever he goes every month. Get your Invisibility Cloak ready. All three of us, together."

"He's just going to head down to the station, or maybe a fireplace or something."

"Maybe," Sirius said, "but I have to know. God, I can't believe he didn't tell us…"

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Four o' clock came more slowly than usual. Sprout and a new companion, Professor F, were late again. It wasn't until six, again, when he arrived. James, Sirius, and Peter were sitting with Remus, like always, and Remus was wringing his hands together. His cheeks were sunken in, and he was shaking again.

"You guys don't have to wait with me every time, really," he said to the cold faced boys. They shrugged nonchalantly. Peter was shaking as well, staring wide eyed at Lupin, teeth chattering.

"So, uh --- say hello to your moo --- I mean, mum --- for us," Peter stammered.

Remus nodded, and the shriek of the Fat Lady was heard.

"Well, see you soon," he said, and he made his way through the portrait and into the care of F and Sprout.

As the portrait door slammed, Sirius muttered, "Sooner than you think."

James took out the Invisibility Cloak from under the couch, making sure no one was watching, and they stood in a triangle, fitting underneath. Quietly, they snuck off through the portrait, and down the spiraling stairs.

"You look tired, Remus." Sprout's voice was coming from the corridor leading to the entrance hall. "Haven't you been sleeping?"

"Yes, ma'am."

James pointed down the marble staircase, and they rushed down it. The figures of Sprout, F, and Remus were seen at the bottom of the staircase, opening the doors to go outside.

"We're calling it close," Sprout said, glaring at F. "We must hurry. The moon is already out."

Remus shivered.

Sirius gasped. It was true. He didn't really think that it --- but it was ---

They scurried behind the sprinting figures and onto the grounds. To the Whomping Willow they went, and Sprout brandished a long stick from her cloak. She touched a small knot at the bottom of the tree, and it became still.

And all of a sudden, as James, Sirius, and Peter ran towards the tree, the clouds parted, and the moon's light shone down on them under the cloak. James's eyes darted from the full orb to the silhouette of Remus only a few feet away.

Remus made a large gurgling sound and became limp in F's arms.

"Not again," Sprout said desperately, glaring at F for the second time. "I don't know why you were so late, but-"

"No time to talk, Professor," F said, jumping into the ground. There must be a hole there, Sirius realized.

"Come on!" Sirius said, running forward.

"What?" James cried.

"Shhh!" Sirius said, and he tugged the other two into the dark hole at the Willow's base.

They could hear screams and pleas from the end of the tunnel that stood before them now. And approaching footsteps.

F was running for it, and whisked past them.

"CLOSE IT! CLOSE IT!" he shouted at Sprout as he scaled the opening, and bounded out of sight. The tunnel went dark.

"Oh, this is great," James said, glaring at Sirius. "This is just great. Now we're stuck in a dark hole, with a --- with a ---"

"I told you, a werewolf," Sirius said defiantly as he took out his wand. "Lumos." The tunnel became brighter, and they made their way through the dank passageway. The closer they got to the entrance, the louder and shriller the screams became.

Finally, they saw a trap door on the ceiling, and James looked to Sirius. Sirius bit his lip and forced the door open.

The tunnel seemed to be leading to a small shack. They hoisted themselves up into the claw-marked common room. The screams were coming from an upstairs room.

"Remus?" James shouted.

"What are you doing?" Peter squeaked. "He'll come and kill us all!"

There was a silent eeriness, and then clattering from above their heads. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Something was coming down the stairs.

"Remus?" James said again, a little quieter now.

A low growl sounded from behind the corner. The shadow of a beast stood on the wall opposite them, and Peter gasped.

"It is true," James whispered.

And then the creature rounded the corner, and it faced them, fangs bared.

It was right out of the illustration on page 394. Its snout was short and its nose black as the night. Its fur, the same color as Remus's hair, was standing on end, and the gigantic paws were clawing the floor. The tufted tail was swishing back and forth, and the eyes were glaring. Glaring? How could a wolf glare?

Saliva dripped steadily from its fangs, and it licked its lips as it studied its prey.

He took a pouncing position, and then lunged, very unexpectedly, at the three boys.

"RUN! RUN! RUN!" James screamed as they went for the trap door. But it wouldn't open. The wolf was driving full speed towards them.

"UPSTAIRS! QUICK!" Sirius said, and they ran from under the Invisibility Cloak.

The three boys charged up the rickety staircase, Peter still wide eyed and staring at the wolf. The wolf was in pursuit now, and he leapt onto the stairs behind them.

"COME ON!" James said, reaching the top and running into the closest room. Sirius flew in after him, and they slammed the door. There was an eerie silence as the three boys caught their breath. But wait, there were only two of them ---

"Where's Peter?" James whispered.

Sirius looked around, and then they both heard a scream from outside the door.

"LET ME IN! LET ME IN!" Peter's voice came.

James's eyes grew big, and he looked to Sirius. If they opened the door, the wolf was sure to get all of them. If they didn't then Peter would get bitten, or worse --- killed.

"Hey, you said it yourself. You mess with one of us, you mess with all of us, hey?" James smiled as if it were a challenge. "Open the door."

"Are you mad?"

"Open the door, Sirius." James's had his eyes fixed on the entranceway, set on what he was about to do.

"No, James! No, you're not-"

"Argh!" James grabbed the handle himself and flung it open. At once he wished he hadn't.

But he still stepped out into the hall, where the panting wolf was eyeing Peter hungrily from the top of the staircase. Peter was leaning against the wall next to the door, eyes red and cheeks white.

James shut the door behind him and held up his hands in surrender.

"Lupin," he said. The wolf didn't listen. He was still staring at his food.

"Remus," James repeated, louder. The wolf blinked, and turned its attention to him. His teeth were still bared. He had found new prey.

"Peter, slowly get to your feet, and walk inside the room," James muttered out of the corner of his mouth. "Go, I've got him."

But Peter was paralyzed with fear. His knees shook, and he looked fit to faint.

"Lupin, I know you can hear me," James said, putting his back to the wall. The wolf wasn't moving. He was deciding which prey he liked better. The fat one or the tall one? "Remus, look at me. It's James. James Potter? You're friend? Remember? You helped me with my homework? And I visited you on Christmas? Your friend?"

The wolf's glare became softer, but its teeth were still bared. James felt fear well up in his heart. It wasn't working. Remus didn't recognize him.

"Remus, please," James pleaded now, "don't kill us. I know you're not a monster. I know that this isn't you. You're my friend. You're one of the top in our class. You like to read, and have a thing for staying out of trouble. Which I never understood, because you always hang out with us --- and we're magnets for trouble. Do you remember Klein? How he hated you? How he told us that the only thing you could be was that picture in the book? It's not true, Remus. It's not true!"

The wolf had forgotten about its prey, and it was now just staring at James, unsure. The glare had faded, and he now stood panting, eyes wide. He gave one look to Peter, and then back to James.

"Remus?" James said hopefully.

Remus gave a small whimper and lowered his head. Then, struggling with great difficulty, he forced himself to walk into the next vacant bedroom, and shut the door behind him. James ran to the door and locked it. From behind it, he could hear the growling, and then the howling and screaming continue.

Sirius opened his door to see what was going on, and looked surprised to see Peter and James alive, let alone in one piece.

"What happened?" he said disbelievingly as James dragged Peter into the room, and shut the door behind him. He locked it, too.

"What are you doing?" Peter squeaked. "Let's make a run for it!"

"No," James said sternly. "We're staying here. Until morning. He's still our friend. Remus is the same as he always was. Are we agreed?"

With great difficulty, Peter nodded. Sirius still looked back at James as if he was crazy.

"Are you nutters?" Sirius barked. "That --- that thing out there was not Remus! It was a-"

"Exactly," James said. "That thing isn't Remus. Remus wasn't really here."

"He tried to kill me," Peter shuddered.

"Oh, not you, too," James said, mussing his hair again. "Now listen to me, both of you. I don't care what he is! I don't care what he did! I know Remus, and Remus is my friend. And that's the way it's going to stay. If either one of you have a problem with that, you can leave now. There's the Cloak." He pointed to the piece of silvery fabric in the corner. "But I'm going to be here with him when he turns back. You guys make your own decisions."

He was sure that they would both leave him. But, surprisingly, Sirius was the first to the bed, and he sat down patiently, crossing his arms and staring out of the window. Peter followed in pursuit, and took a seat in the desk chair that looked like it was about to fall apart.

James sat down by the door, and listened to the howls next door. A few times, the wolf threw himself up against the wall, and the three boys jumped. Every time, James told himself that it wasn't Remus. It wasn't Remus.

But it was getting harder to believe.

""""""""""""""

Soon, the moon had gone and the sun was beginning to peak over the horizon. Through the boarded up windows, light peered in, and James got to his feet. The howling had stopped, and he had heard a thud.

"Is it time?" Sirius asked, standing up as well. James nodded, and the three of them cautiously opened the door and made their way to the locked door to their right.

"Are you sure he's-"

James nodded again, and unlocked the knob. Then, very slowly, he turned the handle and opened the door to reveal the bloody scene in front of them.

Remus, little Remus, lay sprawled out on the floor, eyes halfway open, and breathing in raspy breaths. His clothes were torn.

And yet James felt as if it could have been much worse.

"Remus!" He rushed over to him and knelt down beside him. Remus didn't respond.

"Is he alive?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah, I --- I think so," James heard the breathing. He flipped him onto his back and noticed a big gash on Remus' chest. But the blood had dried. This scar was from another night. He shuddered.

"Remus, can you hear me?" he said. Remus didn't respond.

"There's someone coming!" Peter whispered from the hall.

Sirius dragged James away from the injured boy and back into the other bedroom, where they quickly draped the cloak over themselves. The footsteps came up the stairs, walked down the hall, and turned into Remus's room. There was a huff as the unknown person picked him up, and then headed back down the hall and down the stairs. Soon they heard the footsteps die away, and the three boys quickly rushed out of the room.

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"Madam Pomfrey, it's an emergency!" James explained as she headed them off at the hospital wing entrance again.

"Now, Mr. Potter, I-"

"Let them in!"

Madam Pomfrey looked behind her. "Are you sure, Mr. Lupin? Are you feeling better?"

"Let them in." Remus's voice came again from out of sight. Madam Pomfrey decided resistance was futile at this point, and she stepped aside for the three of them to be let in.

James rushed ahead of Sirius and Peter, who awkwardly took a spot at the end of Remus's bed. He looked hardly any better. At least his cuts had been healed, and his breathing had turned to normal. Sadly, his face looked much older, and he seemed as if he wanted to die right there on the spot.

"Remus, are you okay?" James said, sitting down in the seat next to his head. "You look terrible."

Remus's lip trembled. He knew it wouldn't be long before they stormed out on him. Sirius already looked disgusted. He remembered Darryl's words.

You just wait until they find out what you are, werewolf. They'll abandon you. I know it, and you know it.

"I am --- so --- sorry," Remus sputtered out, trying not to cry. He knew it had been too good to be true. There was no possible way that they would ever talk to him again.

"Don't be," James said, patting his arm. "It's fine. No one got hurt."

"Are you sure?" Remus looked at Sirius and Peter, expecting them to grow fangs and howl.

"Yes, I'm sure," James assured him.

Remus's eyes moved to Sirius again. He was glaring now.

"How's your mum?" he said tersely.

Remus let out a moan and opened his mouth to explain, but Sirius cut him off.

"What's it going to be next, Lupin?" he growled. " Your great aunt's got the flu?"

"I made that story up so that you guys wouldn't know --- I couldn't tell anyone-"

"I thought we were your mates," Sirius snarled, and crossed his arms. "What, too good to clue us in on your little problem?"

"I thought that if you knew, you'd abandon me. I mean, it's happened before --- and-" Remus cut off, and then took a deep breath. "I guess I owe you guys an explanation, huh?"

They all nodded simultaneously, and Remus sat up a little straighter in his bed. "All right, well, you know that I live on the border of the woods, right?"

"Yeah," James said, "you showed us pictures this summer."

"Right," Remus continued. "Well, my parents have always warned me not to go into the woods alone. And I listened to them. Until about seven years ago, when I decided to wander off by myself. I was only a little kid. I didn't know any better. Anyways, it was nighttime, and the moon was out. And there was this man, holding his head and muttering something to himself. He stepped behind a tree, and when he came out --- he was a wolf.

"I screamed, and he saw me. I don't remember anything after that really. Except for my parents finding me an hour later, and my mother screaming. He had tried to kill me, and it was a miracle that I survived. Everyone said so." He ran his fingers through his hair. "They all had a hunch what had happened to me. They all thought that I may be a --- well, you know --- but my parents still accepted me. They still treated me like a normal human being. That is, until the next full moon. We were playing Gobstones in the living room, and I transformed right in front of them. They were hysterical. I had no future. No chance of a good life, because of my --- well --- my condition.

"So I spent a good portion of my childhood being hauled around to doctors and kept inside, away from anyone that may hurt me. It seemed as if I could never go to Hogwarts. But then Dumbledore became Headmaster, and he said that there wasn't any reason why I couldn't if we took certain precautions --- and when I got here, he said that he had built that shack and that tunnel for me to transform in. And he planted the Whomping Willow right over the entrance to stop people from discovering the passageway and walking in on me. And he made me promise that I wouldn't tell anyone --- I --- the wolf is a whole other being. I can't control him. He lives inside me, all the time, but he can't get out unless the full moon strikes him. And that's just once a month. There isn't any cure. There isn't anyone to bite and scratch, so I hurt myself. It's a curse. It's a once-a-month nightmare."

It grew quiet while the boys took this all in. Sirius's face had fallen, and the loathing expression had turned to one of sympathy.

"Who was it?" Peter asked.

"What?"

"Who was it that bit you?"

Remus shrugged a bit, and said, "I don't know. I assume it was just a poor bloke who lost his way in the woods and couldn't find a safe place in time. But my dad always gets very angry when I say I feel bad for the man. He says I should never feel anything for him."

Another silence came, and Sirius turned away.

"And I can understand if you guys want to steer clear of me," Remus said. "After all, I tried to kill you."

"We're not going anywhere," Sirius said all of a sudden, and James looked at him, surprised. But Sirius had that set look in his eye, and he was now gripping the bedpost. "We're going to find a way for it not to hurt you so much."

"What?" Peter squeaked.

"I've been reading up on it," Sirius said thoughtfully, "and I've got an idea. If everyone's game."

"I'm in," James said.

"Me too, I guess," Peter said, somewhat reluctant.

Remus smiled and nodded. "All right, what do you have in mind?"