Few words could have adequately described the beauty of the castle that lay before her. It was made of beautifully colored stone spires and was decorated with barely visible ornate sculptures. Massive white and red flags, attached to the tops of the beautiful towers, billowed in the wind. Surrounding the castle was a massive field of green, speckled with patches of red flowers. Lisa looked down again and found a gray pathway of stone at her feet, it led down through the field of green. She walked down and as she got closer to the castle, saw strange looking people working in the green garden. From far away, they looked like rectangles with arms and legs attached to their sides. On closer inspection, Lisa realized that the people working in the garden were actually giant playing cards with hands, arms, legs and feet. Their heads were flat two-dimensional moving images on the front sides of their flat bodies.
At the end of the pathway was a gate leading to the castle. A pair of large-nosed, short men wearing red cup-like hats on their heads seemed to be guarding the gate. They had heads too big for their bodies and both held spears as they stood watch over the locked gate leading to the castle. Lisa decided to ask them for directions to the castle. They made no reaction to her as she approached.
"Hi there! Could one of you please tell me where I can find the White Rabbit?" asked Lisa.
The two Fez-topped guards looked at her with blank stares, saying nothing.
"Um, I'm sorry. Was I interrupting the two of you with something?"
The two guards looked at each other.
"I really need to find the White Rabbit. Could either of you help me?"
The two guards looked at each other and stared intently into each other's eyes.
"Okay. I'll ask someone else for help, nice to... meet you... I think."
When Lisa turned away from them, one of them shoved the other to the ground and began beating his comrade with the blunt end of his spear. The downed comrade fought back with the blunt end of his spear and the two exchanged blows while Lisa looked for someone else to help her. She went back the way she came and then into the massive garden tended to by the oversized playing cards. A worker was trimming hedges with large purple scissors with the words, "Crayola's Kids", on the side of it, when he turned around and saw her.
"Excuse me, but could you tell me where I can find the White Rabbit?"
The worker turned toward Lisa, then looked to its left, its right, then behind it. A giant eight with a spade symbol was on its front face in three places, in two corners of its rectangular body and on its center. When it turned around, Lisa realized that on the worker's back was a picture of a single-eared White Rabbit with a queen sitting on its lap. The worker, after realizing it was all alone, looked toward Lisa.
"Are you talking to me?" He asked in a voice almost low enough to be a whisper.
"Um, yes." Lisa replied.
He stepped closer to Lisa and whispered to her, "He's somewhere in the garden with her grand royal majesty, the almighty Red Queen. I don't know where they are exactly, but I'm pretty sure they're not in the bilberry bush gardens."
"Could you tell me who would know where the White Rabbit is?"
"Mad Monty and his two chums might know, they're having a brunch break somewhere around the back of the castle," whispered the worker.
"Around the back of the castle? Thanks!"
"No problem.", replied the worker as Lisa walked away.
After taking a few steps, Lisa turned back around and asked the worker another question. "Um, I was wondering... why were you whispering?"
"Oh, if I'm caught talking too loud, her majesty will cut off my head," whispered the worker in reply.
Lisa decided to find the White Rabbit before she had to deal with the Red Queen. If beheading was punishment for talking too loud, she did not want to be around to find out what the punishment for accidentally killing her majesty's messenger would be. Lisa waved goodbye to the Eight of Spades and went back up the stony pathway. She went around to the back of the castle just like the worker told her to. Behind the castle, she found a massive grove of trees, and a little dirt trail that ran through it. Lisa walked on the trail and after passing a few dozen trees, she heard people talking. Following the voices, Lisa walked off the trail and past another dozen trees before seeing a long rectangular table with an old man sitting at one end. Glasses of liquid and plates of food were set on the old man's side of the table. Lisa approached the table and the old man.
Sitting in a lacquered wooden chair decorated with images of rabbits was an old man in a long gray jacket. His well-combed light-gray hair showed from under a dark-gray top hat. A long, almost hooked, vulture-like nose and hunched-over posture drew attention from his thin body. The old man, using a long thick straw, drank from a glass of dark liquid that rested on the table. Lisa looked at the plates of food on the table, noting that most of it was still uneaten.
"Excuse me, but could you-" said Lisa before she was interrupted by the old man, in mid-sentence.
"Oh my! A little girl! Would you join me for some brunch? My tapioca ball milk tea is quite good today, and I would not mind the company."
"Tapioca ball what?"
"Yes, precious pearls in milk tea, quite good!" the old man cheerfully declared.
"Um, sorry, but I really must find-"
"Or maybe you'd like some pancakes! Also quite good, jolly good!"
"No thank you, what I would like though, is-"
The old man suddenly got out of his chair, then grabbed Lisa and tossed her into his seat. Lisa was surprised that a man with such thin arms was able to lift her up so easily, but he did and he proceeded to tell her about how great tapioca ball milk tea was. He continued to interrupt her before she could ask who he was and where she could find the White Rabbit while he tried to convince her to try some tapioca ball milk tea. Lisa began to feel quite frustrated with the crazy old man and was about to scream until she saw a frog and a toad hop on the table behind the plates of food.
"Good to see you Mad Monty!" greeted the frog.
"Good to see you Mad Monty!" greeted the toad.
"Oh, my two chums, Mr. Smih and Mr. Thurs! You're back from your bathroom breaks! Say a hoy hoy to this little girl I met." replied the old man as he pointed to Lisa.
"A hoy hoy little girl!" the two animals simultaneously greeted.
The two small, talking, green amphibians both had brown spots just over their mouths and had large cheery eyes. They sat behind plates of pancakes, basmati rice balls, fried chicken, yogurt covered pretzels, piroshkis, barbecue pork buns and deep-fried ice cream. Looking at all the food did make her feel hungry, but she wanted to get home more than she wanted to eat, listen to insects sing about pro-wrestling matches, flirt with large-bottomed bumblebees or chase after yellow rabbits that reminded her of her brother.
"You are looking good today Mad Monty!" declared the green frog.
"Yes, very very nice. Is that a new top hat? It looks great!" complimented the green toad.
"The food you made smells great, Monty!" said the frog.
"We love complimenting you Monty!" declared the toad.
"Yes, yes the two of you just love to-"
Lisa suddenly interrupted the old man called Mad Monty, "Excuse me, but I need to find-"
Mad Monty interrupted Lisa and very angrily shouted, "Now that was uncalled for! I was in the middle of a sentence while my two brown-nosed chums heaped on my much needed ego-boosting compliments for my day. Don't you realize how rude it is to interrupt people? What is wrong with you? Did your parents did not teach you proper man-"
Lisa suddenly interrupted him again, "Rude to interrupt? You have been interrupting my every sentence since I've met you, and-"
"No I did not." declared the old man.
"Look you just did it again! Why don't you let me finish-"
"No, I interrupted every sentence except for the one where you asked what tapioca ball milk tea was, little girl." interrupted Mad Monty.
"Why don't you let me finish my sentences? And stop calling me little girl! My name is Lisa Simpson and I don't want to try tapioca milk whatever and I don't want to-"
"You don't want to try precious pearls in milk tea? But it's the hippest and trendiest drink around. All the cool people drink it all the time. My two brown-nosed chums Mr. Smih the frog and Mr.Thurs the toad even said so, and they have great taste!"
"Arggh! I hate this place! First the stupid yellow rabbit tricked me into following him and then-"
"What? Did you say yellow rabbit? Mayhap you mean the Yellow Jester? The White Rabbit's court jester?" asked Mad Monty.
"Yes! He tricked me into following him here, and I need to find the doorway home! Mr. Bumblebee said I have to ask the White Rab-"
"Woah, woah, woah, woah. I didn't ask you for your life story. I don't care about your petty problems. I only care about forcing people to drink milk tea with dragon pearls and eat brunch with me while my two brown-nosed chums verbally kiss my ass. I only asked if you meant the Yellow Jester because he's sitting right next to you."
Lisa looked down from Mad Monty to the ground at her right, but saw nothing.
"Your left side, not your right side, you rude little girl." said Mad Monty.
She looked to her left and saw a yellow, one-eared rabbit wearing an orange jacket with frills and a pair of puffy blue pants. The Yellow Jester wiggled its nose and chuckled. With the speed of lightning, Lisa's arms shot out at the rabbit and her small fingers quickly wrapped around its small throat. With a quick outburst of uncontrolled anger she yelled out, "Why you little-"
Mad Monty and his two friends tried to separate Lisa's fingers from the rabbit's throat as the small rabbit gagged from the choke-hold of an enraged young lady. After much struggle, the old man and his friends separated the two. They held back Lisa as she tried to get a hold of the rabbit again. Lisa struggled to break free, but then she suddenly stopped and looked down at the small rabbit with a look of horror.
"I just- I just- What came over me? I've always loved and respected animals. I even became a vegetarian because I love them so much and here I am choking one out of rage. Why am I- What-"
"Yes, yes, you are a horrible little girl. Now why don't you calm down and drink some tapioca ball milk tea," suggested Mad Monty.
"No, no, I'm usually a very good girl, not a horrible one. I usually stand up for small animals like that rabbit over there," said Lisa as the Yellow Jester wiggled its nose.
"I stand up for the environment and speak out against injustices," continued Lisa. "It's this weird place! That must be it! All I wanted to do was go home, it's so frustrating to come across strange obstacle after strange obstacle. I'll admit some of the people here are very nice. Strange, but nice. Even with all the nice things here, this place is driving me crazy! I want to go home!"
"Yes, yes, you get to have permission to be a horrible little girl because of your fascinating, as in boring, sob story. Now why don't you let me, Mad Monty help do away with your troubles with a nice glass of-"
This time no one interrupted Mad Monty, it was the sound of a horn blown by a giant turtle that interrupted him this time. The Yellow Jester, Mad Monty, and the two amphibians, Mr. Smih and Mr. Thurs, quickly kneeled at something behind Lisa. She turned around and saw a large red box on top of the shell of a massive turtle. The large turtle held a horn in its mouth as it walked to the table. Half a dozen giant playing cards, like the ones working in the garden, carrying spears, walked alongside it. The turtle stopped in front of the table as a set of stairs rolled out from the large red box. A fat woman in a red dress and a human-sized, bipedal, one-eared white rabbit stepped out of the box. The guards kneeled as the two stepped out. Mad Monty, while still kneeling, looked up and noticed Lisa was still standing.
Mad Monty whispered to Lisa, "What are doing? Do you want to lose your head? Get down and kneel."
Lisa did as she was suggested and quickly kneeled along with everyone else. A yellow rabbit wearing elegantly decorated robes, ran out from behind the big dark green turtle. He was one-eared, with brown hair on its head and around its mouth. As he stood upright, he put on glasses, pulled out a scroll and shouted out, "All hail his majesty the White Rabbit, and his Queen, the Red Queen! All hail now!"
At the end of the pathway was a gate leading to the castle. A pair of large-nosed, short men wearing red cup-like hats on their heads seemed to be guarding the gate. They had heads too big for their bodies and both held spears as they stood watch over the locked gate leading to the castle. Lisa decided to ask them for directions to the castle. They made no reaction to her as she approached.
"Hi there! Could one of you please tell me where I can find the White Rabbit?" asked Lisa.
The two Fez-topped guards looked at her with blank stares, saying nothing.
"Um, I'm sorry. Was I interrupting the two of you with something?"
The two guards looked at each other.
"I really need to find the White Rabbit. Could either of you help me?"
The two guards looked at each other and stared intently into each other's eyes.
"Okay. I'll ask someone else for help, nice to... meet you... I think."
When Lisa turned away from them, one of them shoved the other to the ground and began beating his comrade with the blunt end of his spear. The downed comrade fought back with the blunt end of his spear and the two exchanged blows while Lisa looked for someone else to help her. She went back the way she came and then into the massive garden tended to by the oversized playing cards. A worker was trimming hedges with large purple scissors with the words, "Crayola's Kids", on the side of it, when he turned around and saw her.
"Excuse me, but could you tell me where I can find the White Rabbit?"
The worker turned toward Lisa, then looked to its left, its right, then behind it. A giant eight with a spade symbol was on its front face in three places, in two corners of its rectangular body and on its center. When it turned around, Lisa realized that on the worker's back was a picture of a single-eared White Rabbit with a queen sitting on its lap. The worker, after realizing it was all alone, looked toward Lisa.
"Are you talking to me?" He asked in a voice almost low enough to be a whisper.
"Um, yes." Lisa replied.
He stepped closer to Lisa and whispered to her, "He's somewhere in the garden with her grand royal majesty, the almighty Red Queen. I don't know where they are exactly, but I'm pretty sure they're not in the bilberry bush gardens."
"Could you tell me who would know where the White Rabbit is?"
"Mad Monty and his two chums might know, they're having a brunch break somewhere around the back of the castle," whispered the worker.
"Around the back of the castle? Thanks!"
"No problem.", replied the worker as Lisa walked away.
After taking a few steps, Lisa turned back around and asked the worker another question. "Um, I was wondering... why were you whispering?"
"Oh, if I'm caught talking too loud, her majesty will cut off my head," whispered the worker in reply.
Lisa decided to find the White Rabbit before she had to deal with the Red Queen. If beheading was punishment for talking too loud, she did not want to be around to find out what the punishment for accidentally killing her majesty's messenger would be. Lisa waved goodbye to the Eight of Spades and went back up the stony pathway. She went around to the back of the castle just like the worker told her to. Behind the castle, she found a massive grove of trees, and a little dirt trail that ran through it. Lisa walked on the trail and after passing a few dozen trees, she heard people talking. Following the voices, Lisa walked off the trail and past another dozen trees before seeing a long rectangular table with an old man sitting at one end. Glasses of liquid and plates of food were set on the old man's side of the table. Lisa approached the table and the old man.
Sitting in a lacquered wooden chair decorated with images of rabbits was an old man in a long gray jacket. His well-combed light-gray hair showed from under a dark-gray top hat. A long, almost hooked, vulture-like nose and hunched-over posture drew attention from his thin body. The old man, using a long thick straw, drank from a glass of dark liquid that rested on the table. Lisa looked at the plates of food on the table, noting that most of it was still uneaten.
"Excuse me, but could you-" said Lisa before she was interrupted by the old man, in mid-sentence.
"Oh my! A little girl! Would you join me for some brunch? My tapioca ball milk tea is quite good today, and I would not mind the company."
"Tapioca ball what?"
"Yes, precious pearls in milk tea, quite good!" the old man cheerfully declared.
"Um, sorry, but I really must find-"
"Or maybe you'd like some pancakes! Also quite good, jolly good!"
"No thank you, what I would like though, is-"
The old man suddenly got out of his chair, then grabbed Lisa and tossed her into his seat. Lisa was surprised that a man with such thin arms was able to lift her up so easily, but he did and he proceeded to tell her about how great tapioca ball milk tea was. He continued to interrupt her before she could ask who he was and where she could find the White Rabbit while he tried to convince her to try some tapioca ball milk tea. Lisa began to feel quite frustrated with the crazy old man and was about to scream until she saw a frog and a toad hop on the table behind the plates of food.
"Good to see you Mad Monty!" greeted the frog.
"Good to see you Mad Monty!" greeted the toad.
"Oh, my two chums, Mr. Smih and Mr. Thurs! You're back from your bathroom breaks! Say a hoy hoy to this little girl I met." replied the old man as he pointed to Lisa.
"A hoy hoy little girl!" the two animals simultaneously greeted.
The two small, talking, green amphibians both had brown spots just over their mouths and had large cheery eyes. They sat behind plates of pancakes, basmati rice balls, fried chicken, yogurt covered pretzels, piroshkis, barbecue pork buns and deep-fried ice cream. Looking at all the food did make her feel hungry, but she wanted to get home more than she wanted to eat, listen to insects sing about pro-wrestling matches, flirt with large-bottomed bumblebees or chase after yellow rabbits that reminded her of her brother.
"You are looking good today Mad Monty!" declared the green frog.
"Yes, very very nice. Is that a new top hat? It looks great!" complimented the green toad.
"The food you made smells great, Monty!" said the frog.
"We love complimenting you Monty!" declared the toad.
"Yes, yes the two of you just love to-"
Lisa suddenly interrupted the old man called Mad Monty, "Excuse me, but I need to find-"
Mad Monty interrupted Lisa and very angrily shouted, "Now that was uncalled for! I was in the middle of a sentence while my two brown-nosed chums heaped on my much needed ego-boosting compliments for my day. Don't you realize how rude it is to interrupt people? What is wrong with you? Did your parents did not teach you proper man-"
Lisa suddenly interrupted him again, "Rude to interrupt? You have been interrupting my every sentence since I've met you, and-"
"No I did not." declared the old man.
"Look you just did it again! Why don't you let me finish-"
"No, I interrupted every sentence except for the one where you asked what tapioca ball milk tea was, little girl." interrupted Mad Monty.
"Why don't you let me finish my sentences? And stop calling me little girl! My name is Lisa Simpson and I don't want to try tapioca milk whatever and I don't want to-"
"You don't want to try precious pearls in milk tea? But it's the hippest and trendiest drink around. All the cool people drink it all the time. My two brown-nosed chums Mr. Smih the frog and Mr.Thurs the toad even said so, and they have great taste!"
"Arggh! I hate this place! First the stupid yellow rabbit tricked me into following him and then-"
"What? Did you say yellow rabbit? Mayhap you mean the Yellow Jester? The White Rabbit's court jester?" asked Mad Monty.
"Yes! He tricked me into following him here, and I need to find the doorway home! Mr. Bumblebee said I have to ask the White Rab-"
"Woah, woah, woah, woah. I didn't ask you for your life story. I don't care about your petty problems. I only care about forcing people to drink milk tea with dragon pearls and eat brunch with me while my two brown-nosed chums verbally kiss my ass. I only asked if you meant the Yellow Jester because he's sitting right next to you."
Lisa looked down from Mad Monty to the ground at her right, but saw nothing.
"Your left side, not your right side, you rude little girl." said Mad Monty.
She looked to her left and saw a yellow, one-eared rabbit wearing an orange jacket with frills and a pair of puffy blue pants. The Yellow Jester wiggled its nose and chuckled. With the speed of lightning, Lisa's arms shot out at the rabbit and her small fingers quickly wrapped around its small throat. With a quick outburst of uncontrolled anger she yelled out, "Why you little-"
Mad Monty and his two friends tried to separate Lisa's fingers from the rabbit's throat as the small rabbit gagged from the choke-hold of an enraged young lady. After much struggle, the old man and his friends separated the two. They held back Lisa as she tried to get a hold of the rabbit again. Lisa struggled to break free, but then she suddenly stopped and looked down at the small rabbit with a look of horror.
"I just- I just- What came over me? I've always loved and respected animals. I even became a vegetarian because I love them so much and here I am choking one out of rage. Why am I- What-"
"Yes, yes, you are a horrible little girl. Now why don't you calm down and drink some tapioca ball milk tea," suggested Mad Monty.
"No, no, I'm usually a very good girl, not a horrible one. I usually stand up for small animals like that rabbit over there," said Lisa as the Yellow Jester wiggled its nose.
"I stand up for the environment and speak out against injustices," continued Lisa. "It's this weird place! That must be it! All I wanted to do was go home, it's so frustrating to come across strange obstacle after strange obstacle. I'll admit some of the people here are very nice. Strange, but nice. Even with all the nice things here, this place is driving me crazy! I want to go home!"
"Yes, yes, you get to have permission to be a horrible little girl because of your fascinating, as in boring, sob story. Now why don't you let me, Mad Monty help do away with your troubles with a nice glass of-"
This time no one interrupted Mad Monty, it was the sound of a horn blown by a giant turtle that interrupted him this time. The Yellow Jester, Mad Monty, and the two amphibians, Mr. Smih and Mr. Thurs, quickly kneeled at something behind Lisa. She turned around and saw a large red box on top of the shell of a massive turtle. The large turtle held a horn in its mouth as it walked to the table. Half a dozen giant playing cards, like the ones working in the garden, carrying spears, walked alongside it. The turtle stopped in front of the table as a set of stairs rolled out from the large red box. A fat woman in a red dress and a human-sized, bipedal, one-eared white rabbit stepped out of the box. The guards kneeled as the two stepped out. Mad Monty, while still kneeling, looked up and noticed Lisa was still standing.
Mad Monty whispered to Lisa, "What are doing? Do you want to lose your head? Get down and kneel."
Lisa did as she was suggested and quickly kneeled along with everyone else. A yellow rabbit wearing elegantly decorated robes, ran out from behind the big dark green turtle. He was one-eared, with brown hair on its head and around its mouth. As he stood upright, he put on glasses, pulled out a scroll and shouted out, "All hail his majesty the White Rabbit, and his Queen, the Red Queen! All hail now!"