Kathryn lay awake in her bed, the steady stars gleaming through the window and on her face. She didn't know the time, nor did she truly care. Kathryn only had one thought on her mind, and that was obvious - Chakotay. Though he was still with Seven, Kathryn noticed that she had begun to push him away. Kathryn couldn't help to think that she was partially responsible. Seven must have seen their body language on the Bridge, seen how they ate dinner more than she and Chakotay did, seen how they could more comfortably speak and still be able to make life-altering decisions. Guilt slightly grabbed her inside. Slowly Kathryn began to tire, and she could feel as her strength dwindled until darkness consumed her eyes, and peace consumed her mind.
The fresh green grass, the wild trees growing unruly everywhere a seed had delicately landed and grown. I pushed through the trees, making sure not to bump into any suspicious looking plants. The last thing I needed was another disease. As I accented the hill, I saw the top of the shelter, the sun shining brilliantly behind it like a Christmas tree star on top of the tree. As the structure came more into view, I could see him standing nearby, kneeling down with his arm outstretched. What could he be doing now? I let my mind muse. As the blinding sun became level and I could clearly see him, I noticed he was holding out a piece of bread. "What are-"
"Shhh... just a minute," he whispered. I set down my basket of berries, something I had found a flock of birds eating and decided to try myself, and moved closer to him, kneeling down also. "Come on little fellow," he said, holding it a bit further out. I frowned - what was he doing? Just then, the bush shook slightly, and a tiny face peaked out. The monkey, I remembered. The creature slowly crawled out, showing first its arms, then his body, followed by his slinking tail. It looked up at Chakotay, as if questioning him 'For me?'. "That's right," he whispered, slowly scooting further up. The monkey took a step back, beginning to look frantic. "We won't hurt you," he continued to coax. I was so mesmerized by his soothing voice - it was hard for me not to jump and eat the bread crumb he was so sincere. I found my hands on his shoulder, leaning on him for support. When had that happened? A voice in the back of my head asked. It didn't matter though, if I made any sudden movements, the creature would certainly scamper off.
"Maybe he doesn't like it," I whispered, as not to break the bond between the two. I reached over to my basket and withdrew a berry, slowly, though the monkey's eyes were following my every move. I stuck the berry out and he eyed it curiously. The bright red, plump berry shined in its eyes, and it moved closer. "Take it," I whispered. "It's yours, my friend." The monkey looked over to Chakotay's bread crumb, and then to my berry. In a quick motion, he snatched the berry up and ran off, leaving the bush shaking from the speed.
"Well I guess you're the chef now," Chakotay said, standing up and dusting his knees off, his voice returning to its original magnitude. "Berries over bread. Maybe he's never seen it before," he said with a smirk, flashing his dimples. I felt my cheeks blush, but moved on past it.
"I highly doubt he has. I haven't found any type of grain here, much less an oven or a replicator," I said, returning the smile. He laughed, and I caught my heart beating along with his laughter. It made my fingertips tingle.
"Well that's too bad. I was hoping to make some like my mother taught me when I was young," he said, picking up my basket and returning to the shelter.
"You know how to bake bread?" I asked, though obviously knowing the answer. I just wanted the story out of him.
"It would be hard without the necessary ingredients and tools, but if I had them..." He entered the shelter and set the basket down. "Well let's just say I'd make a certain culinary Talaxian very jealous."
A ringing noise. Kathryn slowly drifted to consciousness. Her bell rang again. "Just a moment," she muttered groggily, though internally she was thinking, Who would wake me during such a dream? While putting her robe on she briefly wondered the time, but judging by the twin suns outside her view port, it was morning. Kathryn approached her doors, and punched in her code to unlock her doors. They hissed open, a sound that dulled away in her half-awake mind. She blinked, trying to adjust her eyes to the bright corridor. "Tom, Tuvok? What are you doing here?"
"I'm sorry to wake you, Captain, but Tuvok insisted that I needed to be placed into the Brig," Tom rocked on his heels, his hands in his pockets.
"Mr. Paris injured three crewmen and one of the planet's natives," Tuvok said.
"Oh right, the fights," Kathryn said, not even trying to stifle a yawn. "Is Trilor pressing any charges?" Kathryn asked, speaking of the planet.
"No, ma'am," Tom said. "He just got a black eye, nothing too bad. It's like they say, he was in the wrong place at the wrong time."
"Alright then. A week in the Brig, and double hours in Sickbay for the rest of the month upon your release," Kathryn said. Tom seemed to flinch, as though she had wounded him. "Dismissed," she said. The two men nodded and left. As she turned around and began walking to her lavatory, she couldn't help but think of what she must have looked like in her freshly awaken state.
-
Chakotay sat in the Mess Hall across from Seven, reading over several PADDs, as was she. They both seemed to be perfectly content in their own worlds, but a certain nagging feeling was bothering him. There should be conversation, or at least some physical contact. He wasn't even really thinking about her, or why she had chosen not to stay on Trilor. Was this all there was to their future until they were married? After all, it seemed like things were going right on plan with the Admiral Janeway's timeline. How long until they were to be wed? How would he, or could he ask her? They didn't even like eating together. Chakotay shook his head and set the PADD he held down. "Well Seven, my duty shift starts in about five minutes. Care to talk about anything in particular before I leave?"
"No," was her efficient answer as she looked at the PADD in front of her with determination, as if it was trying to get away from her or something.
"Can I ask you something then?"
"It seems as though I have no real choice, Commander."
"Chakotay. I'm not on duty yet, there's no need for rank."
"Alright, Chakotay." His name seemed so foreign to her lips, as though it was forced and not soft whatsoever. He hated to admit it, but she still made the hair on his neck stand up like a drone's voice did. "We don't depart until this afternoon. Why the early return?"
"I had completed all of the possible social activities recommended to me by the Doctor. There was no legitimate reason for my staying any longer than deemed necessary."
"I see," Chakotay sighed. He hated to admit it, but his love for her was beginning to fade. "I'll see you for lunch?"
"Negative," Seven said, finally looking up at him though it looked like she was aggravated. It was hard to read her emotions though - sometimes she could be as stone-faced as Tuvok. "I am having lunch with the Doctor. He is serving a three course lunch for me."
"Well I'll have to meet you at breakfast again tomorrow then. I'm having dinner tonight with the Captain," Chakotay said, standing up and gathering his PADDs. He turned to leave.
"Have a good day, Chakotay," Seven said, watching after him. Chakotay paused in front of the open Mess Hall doors and turned to see her. Half expecting to see a broad smile across her face, he sighed. The only thing gleaming back at him was her implant and her soft blonde hair.
-
Kathryn sat in her Ready Room, looking at the map she had the previous night forgotten to close. It still haunted her so much. She wanted anything to make it stop, for her to just wake up one morning and act like this whole ordeal never happened. But it was like a sad song, and it just kept playing over and over in her mind. As she glanced at the aperture that would have led them home, her bell rang. "Come in," she said, more softly than she had intended. The doors opened with a quiet whisper and there Chakotay stood, hands folded behind his back. He stepped lightly in, the doors closing behind him, and he stood in front of her desk. Kathryn closed her laptop and looked up at him. "Is there something I can do for you, Commander?" "I just came in here to report that nearly all of the crew is accounted for. We should be able to leave just after lunch, around 1400 hours."
"Very well," Kathryn said. She waited a heartbeat to see if he made any shift towards the door, but he just stood there, plainly facing her. "Is there anything more?"
Chakotay paused. He wanted to bring up yesterday, but it would absolutely ruin their dinner. She would shy away from him; bring up something 'unexpected'. "Nothing that can't wait until this evening, Captain," he said, trying to sound as professional as he could.
Kathryn looked hard at him for a moment. Though his voice was solid, the message had something mysterious to it that made her want to question it further. Against her better judgment, she simply said, "Then I won't waste your time. Dismissed."
-
Chakotay shook his hand to put out the match. The candle burned to life, lightly illuminating the room. He set the plates down and straightened the napkins. "Computer, time?" The bell rang outside his quarters as he said this.
"Computer belay that," Kathryn said outside the door, slightly muffled. Chakotay smiled, suddenly feeling excited. He just hoped that she wasn't in that uniform - it was intimidating to eat with the Captain. Chakotay wanted to eat with Kathryn. "Well let me in, Chakotay."
"Sorry," Chakotay said, walking over and unlocking the doors. Kathryn stood at his doorway wearing a light blue turtle neck and sandy-colored pants. A part from the combadge, she didn't even remotely look Starfleet. "Come in," he said, ushering her in.
Kathryn was glad to see she didn't wear her uniform in vain. Chakotay wore a maroon sweater and brown slacks, a very comfortable look. She sat down as he pulled her seat out, and watched him intently as he withdrew the dinner. The aroma captivated her, making her mouth water in anticipation.
Chakotay watched as her eyes glittered in the candlelight. The blue in her sweater seemed to intensify their color, and for a moment, he ignored the black rims that were beneath them, and the wrinkles that aged them. Setting the dish down, he lifted some of the contents onto her plate. "I hope you don't mind a casserole."
"As long as there's not leola root, I'll up for something new," Kathryn said. Chakotay paused, looking at her with slight horror. Kathryn frowned, looking from him to the dish before her.
"I'm just kidding," Chakotay said, smiling, and dishing his own.
"Had me going there for a moment," Kathryn said with a relieved laugh as he sat down. She picked up her fork and took a bite, trying to decipher all the flavors she tasted. "It's amazing, Chakotay, what's in it?"
"Ah, where's the mystery in you, Kathryn?" Chakotay said, eating his own serving. Kathryn smirked.
"Speaking of mysterious, what was on your mind earlier in my Ready Room?" Kathryn asked, taking another bite of the dish.
"I was just worried about you last night, and wanted to know if you slept well."
"I did," Kathryn stated somewhat firmly, cutting off another bite.
"Funny, you certainly could have fooled me," Chakotay said, taking a bite as she looked up at him. Her eyes turned fierce, questioning.
"Are you saying that I'm lying?" Kathryn asked, setting her fork down.
"I said nothing of the sort," Chakotay said, taking the wine bottle and pouring himself a glass. "But I will say that makeup doesn't cover everything you try to hide."
"Alright, so I didn't sleep as soundly as I say, but I slept," Kathryn said.
"Mind if I asked you what was on your mind?" Chakotay asked, still trying to determine how far she'd take this.
"A lot of things," Kathryn said, pouring herself a glass of wine also. "Where we're headed to next, what we might encounter, Earth, and my family. Mostly of the crew though."
"You wouldn't be a good Captain if you didn't think of those things in this predicament," Chakotay said, now continuing his eating.
"I suppose," Kathryn said. They ate in silence for a few minutes, obviously both wanting to know what the other was thinking. "Can I ask you a rather personal question?"
"Of course," Chakotay said, finishing off his last bite.
"How are things with Seven of Nine?"
Chakotay paused, wondering when she'd be asking this. It was an interesting question in itself, because he really didn't know where thing were headed with her. "We've.. seen better days," Chakotay said. "Why do you ask?"
"She visited me not too long ago," Kathryn sitting back and taking a sip of wine. "She wanted to discuss a few issues she had with me, a real heart-to- heart matter."
"Is that so?" Chakotay asked, trying to hide his obvious interest.
"She asked me how I accepted Mark's letter," Kathryn said, cocking her head slightly. "And I told her that even though I was heart broken, that I knew he couldn't wait forever. He pressed an engagement so soon; I knew he wanted just a trophy wife. I told her that if I could honestly look at myself ten years from now, that I couldn't see us together."
"I see," Chakotay said, still trying to curb his enthusiasm. "And she said?"
"Seven asked me what I wrote to Mark, in my reply to his letter," Kathryn said, licking her lips, being slightly nervous. "And I told her that though it was really none of her business to know, that I told him it was okay. I would have probably moved on too."
"Did she say why she wanted this.. information?" Chakotay asked.
"I would suppose it would because she wanted a woman's prospective on things. She does learn most of her material from the Doctor, and you know how he can be a little... insensitive to her tender emotions."
Chakotay laughed - he didn't know what was funnier: the Doctor ironically teaching someone how to be human, or the fact that Seven even had emotions, much less tender ones. He knew that Seven must have felt the rift that had been growing between them, and basically asking how to break-up with him. He felt like such a fool - had he really not even tried to make things work? He felt so pressured, like he had to be with her now, since they were going to be wed sometime in the future. Though history was theirs to rewrite now, there was no way he could know what happened between them. Kathryn sat back down in front of him, the plates and the casserole gone. He blinked back into reality, realizing she must have cleared their dishes. "Thank you," Chakotay said, smiling tightly.
"Ah, no, thank you, Chakotay. That was a lovely meal," Kathryn said, smiling.
Chakotay caught himself holding his breath as he looked across the table at her. Her eyes, the windows to her soul, were so bright and compassionate. If only Seven could just captivate Kathryn's love, and 'tender emotions', then maybe she'd understand where to start a relationship. After all, emotions were supposed to be common ground, where they could discuss opinions. Not star charts and tactics. That's all Seven talked about.
"I'm sorry to cut this a little short," Kathryn said, drawing him from his thoughts again. "But if I'm going to take a tub bath, then I've got to go now. I've got a double shift tomorrow morning, so I've got to turn in early tonight."
"If you must, then I will not hold you captive any longer," Chakotay said, with a flirtatious grin.
"If only you could, Chakotay, ah if only you could," Kathryn said with a throaty laugh, pushing her chair back and standing up. Chakotay stood also and walked her over to his door. As the lights from the hall flooded in, Chakotay looked at her, as she looked at him. In the corridor's lighting, she looked once again the Captain, and internally, Chakotay felt his heart slow down in disappointment. The laugh that had emitted from her not long ago was from a totally different woman, in a totally different world. "I'll see you tomorrow then," Chakotay said with a nod. Kathryn smiled flatly, trying to remain composed. She reached for his hand, and took it within her grasp. Giving it a squeeze, she smiled a little higher and left. Chakotay hated to feel the soft, delicate hand leave him, and sighed, walking back into his quarters.
-
The song known as 'Butterfly's Day Out' played softly as she allowed once again for the day to seep out of her. The candles around her bathtub were lit, the lights were out. A book sat on the edge of her bathtub, but she really didn't feel like adding more to her mind. Once again, the gears were turning, already churning up a storm. She had to be ready for tomorrow, they were leaving again. She had to think about the crew, if they were all accounted for, if they had enjoyed themselves. She made a mental note to visit the two wounded officers that were also involved in Tom Paris's escapade, and also Tom Paris himself. She had issued a harsh punishment for a lousy fight, and hoped that maybe he could convince her down to a smaller punishment – after all, B'Elanna wouldn't be taking it all to well since she was going to have to care for a screaming 'warrior' on her own for a week.
Kathryn sighed, scratching her eyelid, momentarily stirring the bubbles around her. The song came to an end and 'Erbarme Dish; St. Matthew's Passion' began playing. It reminded her of her mother, a strong willed woman whom Kathryn herself relied on greatly for strength. Gretchen Janeway had always been a simple woman, but with great wisdom. She always knew what to say when things were in disarray, and Kathryn had caught herself going back to a lot of her mother's quotes for guidance.
When Kathryn realized the time, she reached for her towel and got out of her tub. Tomorrow was another day, and another day brought interesting situations. Just hopefully not too many...