A/N: Heh, quick update because I'm at a bit of a block on this fic. Thank you all so much for the reviews! Wow, I wasn't expecting that. Just a few things - KissingQueen18: Yeah, the secret relationship is a popular storyline, but eh, I wanted to have fun with it myself J . KateM: I definitely see Hermione as someone whose "brains would be addled by love" - especially Ron's love, heh. eMeRaLd'S gUrL: You hit the nail on the head there, kid. Nice job. SpiffyGal: Ahem. I have asked several people and I don't know about your idea, but it is DEFINITELY tonsil tennis. Sorry. Shinaynay: Hehe. You caught me, although as Becca so kindly pointed out, it's not a huge surprise, what with my penname blush. But yes, I did get my inspiration from the Monica/Chandler situation, because c'mon, Ron IS Chandler and Hermione IS Monica. And last but certainly not least, my dearest Becca: WE'RE HOME! Hallelujah. Love u lots.

Disclaimer: Um, right, I don't own it. The spiders are making me tap dance…

"So who do you think Hermione's boyfriend is?" Harry asked as he and Ron left Divination and began the long trek down to the Great Hall for lunch. Puzzling over Hermione's boyfriend was a popular topic with Harry and Ginny, who seemed determined to uncover the secret if it was the last thing they did.

"For the last time," Ron said resignedly. "I have absolutely no idea." He was beginning to tire of lying to his best friend - it was too much work. Before it had been carefree and enigmatic, but now, all the fun of running around and hiding at the beginning of the relationship was wearing off.

"Do you think if I guessed, she'd tell me?" Harry mused.

"Dunno."

"Do you think it's a Gryffindor?"

"Dunno."

"She said it's not a Slytherin... what about the Hufflepuffs?" Harry glanced at a passing seventh year Hufflepuff and scrutinized him. "Nah, actually, I don't think it can be. They're not the brightest bunch, she'd never put up with one of them."

Ron was startled. Not the brightest bunch. I'm hardly the brightest bunch - why does she put up with me?

"So that means it's either a Gryffindor or a Ravenclaw. She was almost in Ravenclaw, she's the smartest witch at school, I wouldn't be surprised if she went for one of them," Harry continued. Ron felt like Harry had just punched him.

Why had Hermione liked him? She was brilliant, and amazing, and perfect, and she'd read Hogwarts, A History something like 45 times. And Ron - well, Ron was lucky to pass his classes, he was amazingly good at saying stupid things, and despite the numerous times Hermione had quoted it, he could not remember whether Hogwarts, A History clarified whether or not you could Apparate into Hogwarts. Ron was suddenly horrified. What was she doing, what was she thinking, going out with him? He would think she would be ashamed to be seen with the likes of him, a Weasley...

Ron stopped dead in his tracks. Everything suddenly seemed terribly different than it had only moments ago. Hermione was embarrassed to be with him. That's why she'd insisted they didn't tell anyone, that's why it had to be a secret that they were together. All the reasons she had presented months ago - they didn't want the entire school to get involved with their relationship, they didn't want to divide Harry if it didn't work out - everything Ron had completely agreed with, suddenly made no sense at all. All Ron could think was that Hermione did not want people to know she was with him. Ron was humiliated.

When they arrived in the Great Hall, Hermione was already there, chatting with Ginny. When they sat down, Hermione asked how Divination had been, but Ron avoided her eyes, practically burning with this new information. His mouth tasted of bile whenever he thought of it. He allowed Harry to answer the question and stared sullenly at his food for several more minutes as Harry, Hermione, and Ginny talked. When Hermione kicked him gently under the table, he barely glanced at her, and she finally gave up.

"I have to go to the library to finish this paper before Charms," Ginny said a while later, standing to go. She gave them a small wave and left the Hall.

"I'm - er - I'll see you guys in Potions," Harry said suddenly, and, looking like a man possessed, ran from the Hall.

"Ron, what's wrong?" Hermione asked as soon as he was out of earshot.

"Nothing." Ron pushed his potatoes around on his plate.

"Bullocks," Hermione said matter-of-factly. "You haven't spoken all meal. You've barely eaten anything."

"I'm not hungry," Ron said honestly. The thought of Hermione being embarrassed of him made his stomach churn. He didn't want to be around her now.

"Are you ill?" she said with concern, reaching across the table to feel his forehead.

"Stop it, I'm fine," Ron said gruffly, batting her hand away.

Hermione sighed as Ron stayed focused on a single pea on his plate. "Did something happen in Divination?"

"No."

"Then why are you acting like this?"

"Because - " Ron began, looking up sharply. "Can we not talk about this here?" he amended quietly.

"Yes, let's go," Hermione said, quickly standing up. Ron stood too and followed her out of the hall and out onto the grounds. They walked in silence for a minute.

"Can you tell me what's going on?" Hermione asked, looking slightly fearful. "Is it - is it me?"

"Why are you dating me, Hermione?" Ron said.

"Wha - what?" Hermione asked.

"Why me? Why not some brilliant Ravenclaw?"

Hermione stared at him, and Ron was angered to see she had the nerve to look confused. "What do you mean?"

Ron took a deep breath. "Harry was trying to guess who your bloody secret boyfriend was, and he kept going on about how you'd need someone brilliant, and then I realized - that's why we can't tell anyone about us, it's because you're ashamed of me, you're embarrassed, you don't want to be seen with me. I'm not smart enough for you - I'm a Weasley, I'm a nothing, and you don't want people to know." Ron said all of this very quickly, unable to look at Hermione.

"I can't believe you're saying this," Hermione said softly. Her voice had a dangerous edge to it. "I can't believe you think I'd be that shallow. I would never be embarrassed of you. I wanted - we both wanted, as it seems you've forgotten - to keep it from spreading because I know what that does to people. It makes everything a much bigger deal, it destroys friendships." Her voice rose, and her eyes flashed at Ron. "I want to have a real relationship with you, not some stupid teenage fling. But you don't know anything about relationships at all!"

"I certainly do know things," Ron faltered.

"Hearing about your brothers' nightly escapades does not count as knowing about relationships," Hermione said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ron asked, offended.

"See what I mean?" Hermione said, as if this settled that matter. It only infuriated Ron more.

"Oh, right, I forgot, you know everything, you're Little Miss Perfect," Ron said acidly, almost completely forgetting the whole point of the argument. "Hermione Granger, know-it-all extraordinaire!

Hermione looked at him, her eyes very bright, and Ron felt remorse bite at him. "Look - "

"Forget it," she said, turning away. "I don't even want to talk to you. I cannot believe how immature you are, I can't even look at you." She stalked off towards the castle.

"Yeah? Well I'm not exactly lusting after you at the moment either," Ron called angrily. Hermione turned around and gave him a withering look before disappearing into the castle.