CHAPTER 33

The Monster Inside

It was Halloween when the October full moon was due. The group was looking forward to missing the feast again to go around the grounds and explore some more. But Remus pointed out that they had to be more careful than ever, because the students would be out of bed a lot later. So they had agreed that the three of them would wait a little later until everyone was in bed before joining him in the Shrieking Shack.

They were discussing this in the library (somewhere where Sirius and James had tried to avoid since third year), when Sirius realized that Snivellus was a table away, trying to catch the words that they were saying.

"How about you go back to reading, Snivelly, before I hex you again," James hissed.

Snape didn't answer.

Sirius turned to look at him, and he saw Snivellus staring right back at him, smiling. Sirius glared. His hands balled into fists, and James saw his eyes grow hollow. James kicked him from under the table, and they continued with their discussion.

"So you'll go to the feast with the rest of them," Remus said, pretending to be interested in a book, "Sorry I can't come. My mum ."

"We know," James said, "Now listen, we'll hopefully talk to you after the feast. Send an owl, and see how your mum is? It'll give you time to get home and make yourself comfortable. See her and all."

"Sounds good," Remus said, "But wait a while, because I don't want you ."

"Wait, I thought your mum was . OW!" Peter massaged his arm as Sirius elbowed him.

"Shut it, you git," Sirius growled, and then looked back at Snape, who was still smiling.

The feast was as magnificient as it always was. Sirius, James, and Peter all sat together, but Sirius seemed to be preoccupied. He hadn't been the same since the library that afternoon, and he hadn't spoken the entire night.

"You feeling all right, Padfoot?" James asked.

Sirius nodded, and took another drink of pumpkin juice.

"So . what time are we leaving tonight?" Peter asked.

"Around two in the morning. It will be harder to keep Moony under control," James said, "Padfoot, you're going to go first, and then me. Then Wormtail, you'll follow us."

Peter nodded, and Sirius followed his example, except not as enthusiastically. James still saw that his eyes were still hollow. He didn't look like Sirius. He looked like a stranger. He didn't know this boy sitting next to him, and it was sort of unnerving.

"Are you sure you're all right?" James asked again.

Sirius nodded.

After the feast, they left the Great Hall, and walked into the Entrance Hall after the prefects. Evans was wearing her shiny badge, and talking to one of the prefect boys. They were all wondering why Remus wasn't there to help.

Sirius shuffled behind James and Peter, his eyes dead set ahead of him. He saw the Slytherins and Gryffindors walk down the same corridor. Past the windows, the silhouettes of two figures were seen. No one noticed them, but one taller and skinnier sixth year Slytherin had stopped to stare out the window before him. Sirius's eyes grew darker, and he let James and Peter walk ahead of him. He felt himself being pushed forward by the crowd, until he grew closer to the window.

It was Remus and Madam Pomfrey outside. They were late. Something had happened. Pomfrey hadn't gotten there in time, and now she was half dragging half leading Remus to the Whomping Willow.

But that wasn't what the matter was. The sixth year was staring at them in awe. The sixth year had a hooked nose. Greased hair.

It was Snivellus.

"You know," Sirius said, coming up from behind him, his eyes still hollow, "You can follow them."

"Another one of your tricks, 'Padfoot?'" Snivellus snarled.

"Not at all," Sirius said smoothly, and then pointed at the figures, "They're going to go under that tree. And you can follow them."

"How."

"Prod the knot on the tree trunk, and there's a tunnel. Go through the tunnel, and there's an opening at the end," Sirius smiled, his brow low and shadows covering his face. Snivellus was looking with interest as the two figures disappeared into the ground, "See?"

Snivellus returned Sirius's smile, and turned on his heels toward the open Entrance doors.

James and Peter had been waiting for Sirius to join them in the dormitory room. They had lost him in the crowd walking back to the Tower. He finally entered a few minutes after the two of them had arrived. He was laughing.

It scared James. He had heard Sirius laugh before, but something was different. It was a cold-hearted laugh. It was a laugh of a killer. A laugh of an evil secret. And Sirius's eyes were still hollow.

"What?" James asked sternly, staring at him.

Sirius flopped on his bed, and then gave out a particularly loud laugh, "He's such a stupid git! He's such an ignorant . arrogant ."

"Who?" Peter asked.

"What did you do, Sirius," James demanded, fear welling up in his heart.

"Snivelly saw Remus and Pomfrey go into the tunnel," Sirius said, holding his side, "And I just informed him how to get past the tree ."

"You - did - what?!" James cried, and then ran to the window. Sure enough, there was a silhouette creeping towards the tree. He snapped back at Sirius, and shouted, "Do you realize what's going to happen when he gets down there?"

Sirius stopped laughing, and gave James a look, "He deserves it, Prongs. After what he's done ."

James didn't say anything, but shot out of the room, and down the stairs. He couldn't let Snape get to the end of the tunnel. God, what would happen if he didn't get there in time.

He slammed the Fat Lady open, and jumped down the staircase to the Entrance Hall. He wouldn't get there in time.

He threw open the oak doors to the outside, and the moon hit him. He could almost hear the screams. He could see the scene . He could .

Snape wasn't anywhere to be seen. The Willow was frozen, and he could see a stick sitting at its trunk. Sirius's laughter was still echoing in his head.

He grabbed the stick, and prodded the knot. The stirring branches grew stiff, and he ducked into the hole. Through the tunnel, through the darkness. He could hear Snape's footsteps. He could hear Remus's howls.

They were all pounding in his ears as he flew through the darkness. His arm hit a large root, and he screamed in pain.

"SEVERUS!" he screamed. His throat hurt, "SEVERUS! DON'T GO IN THERE! SNAPE! STOP!"

He bumped into something, and he and the thing fell with an "oof!" It was a body. It was Snape.

"Potter! What are you doing?" he spat.

"Snape, please," James pleaded with him, grabbing his arm, "We have to go back! You can't be down here!"

"Oh, so all of a sudden I'm not Snivellus, am I?" Snape laughed, and broke free of James, "Get off."

"Severus, come with me. Sirius ."

"Finally came to reason, Potter," Snape said, "And now you and your little friends will be expelled. I don't know what Lupin's doing down here, but I'm going to find out."

And with that, Snape ran. And James ran after him.

And finally, the light came again. The trapdoor was open. The light illuminated the end of the tunnel, where Snape stood, frozen.

"SNAPE!" James shouted, and ran forward. His sides hurt. He could hardly breath. His heart was racing. Snape wasn't moving. He wasn't .

"AAAAAOOOOOO!"

As James reached Snape, he looked up at the entrance to the sight above. The Shrieking Shack's living room ceiling was seen. Footsteps were being heard above them. And then, the silhouette of a wolf. Snape was wide eyed, staring at the sight.

"Snape, we have to go back . Severus ." James stopped, staring at the approaching wolf. Blood was dripping from its fangs. Its eyes were dialated, its claws sharp. It's ears perked. This was Remus. This was Remus Lupin. His friend.

"Remus ." he whispered quietly.

Snape blinked, and then looked back at James. But he didn't say anything.

The wolf growled again, and James grabbed Snape's white arm, and bounded back into the darkness. Snape was quiet all the way out of the tunnel. James didn't stop for a breath. He didn't stop to look where he was going. He just ran.

And finally, the two boys emerged outside, and James leaped out of the way of the swinging branches. Snape stood, frozen, staring at James. His face was white, and James knew that he had understood what he had seen.

"You saved my life," Snape said. He didn't sound too happy about it, though.

"Please, Severus, you can't tell anyone ."

"Oh, by tomorrow, everyone will know about that thing," Snape said, his smile returning, "Dumbledore, the students, all of them."

"Dumbledore already knows," James said, "But you can't tell ."

"Ah, but he doesn't know that you know, does he?" Snape said, coming to a realization, "Oh, but he will. I swear to God that he will."

"I won't let you," James said, pointing his wand at him, "You can't!"

"Oh, I will. You can count on that," Snape said, "You think that your little joke was very humorous, don't you?"

"What?" he thought that it had been his idea?, "I . I didn't ."

"Snape and Potter!"

They turned toward the voice. It was Professor McGonagall, along with Professor Hall, Professor Flitwick, Professor Sprout, and Headmaster Dumbledore. Behind them stood Sirius and Peter, staring at James and Snape.

"Come with us. Now," Professor McGonagall ordered, and the nine of them made their way inside the school.

"How long have you three known?" Dumbledore interrogated the boys in front of them. Sirius was still smiling evilly. Peter looked like he was going to hurl. James was so shaky, that he felt like he was going to fall off of his chair.

"Since second year," James said truthfully. He would not tell them about the Animagus transformations. He would never .

"How did you find out?"

"We figured it out," James said. Sirius was now looking at him. His smile had faded. He was looking worried. He thought that he was going to crack and tell them everything. But he wouldn't .

"How."

"Different reasons," Sirius spoke up.

"And what did you see, Mr. Snape?" Dumbledore asked the fourth boy. Snape was glaring at Sirius.

"It was a monster. Something that should be put down immediately," he was still looking at Sirius.

In an instant, Sirius was to his feet, and glaring back at Snape, "You never talk about Remus like that, you ."

And a string of swearwords came out of his mouth that made Professor McGonagall gasp. Then he lunged at Snape, and Professor Sprout and Professor Hall rushed forward to take a hold of him. Dumbledore was studying him, possibly in curiosity.

"Mr. Black, I am going to ask you to try to restrain yourself and sit back down," Dumbledore said, "We are talking about this in a civilized manner. And as for you, Mr. Snape," he said, turning on Snivellus, "I am only going to warn you once to refrain yourself from using such language towards a fellow student."

"He's not a student," Snape snarled at the Headmaster, "He's a bloody werewolf! Am I the only one that sees that? That . thing . is a werewolf! And should be far away from any other . locked away or killed or ."

"Mr. Snape, watch your tongue," Professor McGonagall interrupted him, "He is a boy, as yourself, by the name of Remus Lupin. What you saw tonight was not ."

"I KNOW WHAT I SAW!" Snape shouted, his face turning red, "I KNOW WHAT I SAW! I SAW A MONSTER!"

Sirius's eyes narrowed.

"What you saw was a very sick little boy," Professor McGonagall shouted back.

James had never seen her like this. She was furious. Shouting at a student? Not reprimanding or scolding, but . shouting?

"Mr. Snape, I must ask you to vow your secrecy about what you witnessed tonight," Dumbledore said very seriously, "You must never tell a soul about Mr. Lupin. It is for the safety of him, along for the safety of every student in this school."

Snape glared at the headmaster, "You . they . HE TRIED TO KILL ME!" he jabbed a finger at Sirius.

Sirius looked ready to kill him now, that was for sure. Dumbledore looked at him, and then his brow furrowed.

"People make mistakes, Severus," he said, looking back at Snape, "Surely you could understand that."

Snape suddenly grew stiff, and then became silent.

"As for you, Mr. Black," Dumbledore continued, "You are on probation. We will be watching you very closely. One toe out of line, and I will have to expell you."

Sirius didn't answer.

"And for Mr. Potter," Dumbledore looked at James, "I do not know how much you had to do with this little episode. But you have proved yourself virtuous by putting your life in danger for a fellow student. Ten points to Gryffindor."

"What?" Snape screeched, standing up, "He - tried - to - kill -me!"

"Ten points from Slytherin, Severus," Dumbledore said, "For pure stupidity. You should have known better not to take Mr. Black's word for anything."

"HE TRIED TO KILL ME!" Snape screamed.

"And he also saved your skin," Professor McGonagall said, "You owe him your life."

Snape looked very green, and he glared at James. Neither one of the boys were too happy about that statement.

"Now, I want you all to leave my office," Dumbledore said, "Including you, Minerva," he said as Professor McGonagall shooed them out of the room, "I am tired. I wish not to speak with anyone tonight. I hope you have a lovely night."

Professor McGonagall's face grew very sour, and she took the four boys down the staircase and to the outside corridor.

"I trust you can find your way back to your dormitories by yourself," she said, and then turned on her heels to another corridor.

"Well, I bet you think you're a hero, now, don't you," Snape snarled at James as soon as she was out of earshot and Peter made his way back to the Tower, whimpering to himself, "You're still a blood traitor.'"

James glared at him, but he was too tired to argue, and walked away from him.

"What? You aren't as tough as you were, are you?" Snape goated him on, trying to get him to start another fight. But James didn't turn around. Sirius, on the other hand, turned toward him, and headed for him, hands in fists.

James grabbed him, and dragged him away, "Don't do it, Padfoot," he said, and tugged him in the other direction. His eyes were hollow again.

"Yes, 'Padfoot,'" Snape's lip curled, "Listen to 'Prongs.'"

"Severus, please," James said, "Just - just go."

"Oh, so now you don't want to fight," Snape started on him, "Now that I know what that freak friend of yours is."

Sirius lurched forward, but James tugged back, "Sirius!"

"What are you going to do, 'Padfoot?' Hex me? Touch me again, and I'll tell everyone what he is. You want to protect him, don't you?" Snape knew that he had them, but Sirius wasn't giving in.

"Let go of me!" he growled from behind James's restraining arms, "You're going to pay for this, Snivellus!"

Snivellus smiled slyly, "It's funny how the tables turn, isn't it?"

"Severus, Remus is very sick," James said calmly, "And he has no control over what he does. If you tell everyone what he is ."

"I'll kill you," Sirius said, his voice stone cold. Snape blinked, and then looked at him. A tinge of fear was in his eyes, but soon he covered it with amusement, and then he sauntered forward, two inches away from Sirius's darkened face.

"I would like to see you try," he hissed in his ear, and Sirius lunged at him again. But James still held him back, and threw him to the wall.

"Get off of me!" he howled, and then ran at Snape. He punched him in his face, and Snape doubled back onto the ground, "And now I'm warning you once, Snivellus. You tell anyone . ANYONE . about Lupin, and I'll make sure that you don't make it to graduation! You said it yourself, I'm the darkest one in the group. And I will kill you."

Snape, holding his mouth, now looked more scared than he had ever before in his life. He looked to Sirius, and saw his haunted expression. Then he said, "You're mad. You're bloody mad."

"Let's just see how mad I can get," Sirius said, and then turned and walked back towards James and down the hallway, leaving Snape in a heap outside of Dumbledore's office.

"I DON'T OWE YOU ANYTHING, JAMES POTTER!" Snape shouted at their backs.

"Are you out of your mind?" James shouted as they climbed the stairs to the portrait hole, "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that I'm ruddy sick and tired of that git bullying us around, and following us," Sirius said, "Trying to get us expelled ."

"And he almost did!" James cried, "Because of you! What's your problem? I've . I've never seen you like this! What in the bloody hell were you thinking?"

"You don't understand, Prongs," he said quietly.

"No, I don't. Please explain," James stared at him. He still looked deadly.

"Just leave me alone. You played the hero once again," he said, and said the password and stepped into the common room, "And I'm the felon. Just as it's always been. So you just sit there and take it from him. Let him be the villain, and you're the great savior of all."

"Sirius, what are you talking about?" James stared at him as he started up the stairs, "You're not making sense."

Sirius turned toward him, his face illuminated by the full moon, "You let him sit there and talk about Remus like that! You let him just go on, and you don't say anything! Just as long as you keep out of trouble. Well, guess what? I'm on probation! I'm on probation because I stand up for my friends! I stand up for them, because they're the only family I've got left! But you live in that Park Avenue house with your mummy and daddy and happy little house elf, and you have everything that you want!"

"You're not on probation because you were helping Remus!" James shouted back, "You're on probation because you tried to kill Snape! You tried to have Remus kill him! Don't you see what you've done? Are you that blind, Sirius? Do you really think it would help Remus to have a murder on his conscience? Are you that thick headed?"

Sirius glared at him, as if he was going to kill James now, but didn't say another word. He just continued up the stairs, and slammed the dormitory door behind him.

James spent the entire night sitting by the fire on the couch, his arms crossed and his eyes focused on the dancing flames. The vision of Snape paralyzed, looking up into the face of that wolf, kept appearing in the fire and replaying itself over and over again in his mind. What if he hadn't gotten there in time? What if he hadn't pulled Snape back?

Two of his friends would be murderers. Snape would be either dead or cursed just as Remus was. And Remus . what would ever happen if Remus lost himself forever? What if he did kill someone? It would be enough to kill that boy that he had befriended. He had never really understood the hatred that the world had had against werewolves, but seeing Snape's loathing in Dumbledore's office, he now realized what Remus faced every day. They didn't think of him as a person, but as a monster. A creature. A nothingness. Something that could easily be put to sleep without another thought about it.

What if someone found out about Remus, and they did kill him? Was it all of their fault because they just wanted to play around at night? Their childish games seemed so . immature . detached from the present moment . it had almost become deadly.

Who cared about the Marauder's Map? Who cared about turning into Animagus? Who cared about Quidditch games and House Cups and snitches and Lily Evans? Someone had almost died. His friend had almost become a murderer .

James's mind swarmed with fears and worries. He was so preoccupied that he forgot all about their plans for that night. It wasn't until Professor McGonagall walked into the common room, her eyes watery, and her face sunk. She spotted James, next to the fire, and quietly walked over to him.

"Mr. Potter," the sunlight was on her face. The dawn had come. He hadn't even noticed, "Mr. Potter, have you been here all night?"

James nodded glumly, still staring at the flames.

Professor McGonagall sighed, and then said slowly, "You are needed in the hospital wing."

Remus. James jumped up from his spot, and eyed her nervously.

"Is he all right? What happened? Does he remember anything? Did he ."

"Calm down, Mr. Potter," Professor McGonagall said, "It's very urgent. He's in intensive care. Madam Pomfrey believes that you should see him."

"Is he going to be all right?" James demanded.

"I hope so, James," it was the first time that Professor McGonagall had called him by his first name. James's heart dropped into his stomach as he followed her out of the common room, and out of Gryffindor Tower to the hospital wing.

"TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED!" Remus screamed, coughing through his words. Madam Pomfrey was fussing over him, trying to get him to hold still. He was covered in his own blood. One of his arms were broken, and his left eye was swelling to the size of a large plum. He was also delirious, as Professor McGonagall had warned him of before entering the hospital wing.

"Mr. Lupin, I must beg you to keep still ."

"WHY DIDN'T YOU COME!?" Remus shouted feverishly, thrashing his head, "WHY DIDN'T YOU COME! I TRUSTED YOU! I ."

"Moony, calm down," James said, and he took Remus's shaking hand. Remus squeezed his hand, and then thrashed again, "I TRUSTED YOU!" he screamed.

"Do you have any idea what in the world he's talking about?" Madam Pomfrey asked James, pouring a liquid into a vile, and thrusting Remus's mouth open.

"I . I don't know," James said.

"He's been screaming for the past half hour about rats and deers and dogs," she fussed over him, "That's good, drink up, honey. I really don't know what he's talking about," she added to James, "He hit his head badly on a staircase. I found him at the bottom of the stairs, unconscious," her voice trailed off, "But I shouldn't be talking to you about that. I thought maybe you could calm him down. I usually don't let visitors in the hospital wing, but I thought that maybe you could help him. That other boy wouldn't be any help, I knew that."

James was still looking at Remus, who was now quietly breathing. The vile of liquid seemed to be calming him down.

"That may help him," Madam Pomfrey said, "I'm going to give him some more medications, and he will hopefully make a full recovery. May have a possible concussion . but it could have been worse. Oh, when I found him, I could have sworn that he was dea ." she looked back at James, "I mean, that he was bad off."

She excused herself from the cubicle to find more potions, and James found himself alone with Remus, who was now blinking and loosening his grip on his hand. Which was a good thing, because his fingers were becoming numb.

"Hey, Moony, can you hear me?" James said quietly, taking a seat in the chair by his head, "Remus? Remus, are you in there?"

What if he was dead? What if the wolf was only left? What if the wolf had killed him?

"J-James?" Remus whispered hoarsely, and he blinked, "What - what happened? I - "

"You had a rough night," James said, "We didn't make it to the Shack."

"What - " he schrunched up his face, as if trying to remember. But it looked painful, so James cut him off.

"Something happened, Moony," James said, "Sirius - Sirius told Snape about the Willow. He told him to - to follow you down there. And he saw you."

Remus's face went paler than it had been, and he looked like he was going to throw up, "Did I - "

"No," James said solemnly, " I stopped him in time."

"So now everyone knows," he said, unattached, "He told everyone ."

"No, he didn't. Sirius scared him into keeping his mouth shut," James said, "Not to mention Dumbledore."

Remus looked like he was about to cry, "I almost - I - "

"No," James said, "No, don't you think like that. You didn't do anything wrong."

And then Remus closed his eyes, and rolled over in pain. In a few minutes, he was back to his delirious self, and James excused himself from the hospital wing.

James didn't speak to Sirius for days. It seemed that the two friends were separated forever. But James couldn't bring himself to look Sirius in the eyes. They had been so hollow. So . dead .

The sound of Sirius's laughter still haunted his dreams.