Title: Masters of Going Nowhere
Author: AznSage
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
Pairings: Naruto/Sasuke (Probably in that order. Actually, I don't know.), minor pairings--i.e. Lee/Sakura, Shikamaru/Ino.
Rating: PG-13
Note: Everything that was mentioned will eventually be explained. When it comes up as a topic of conversation perhaps. I'm trying to get more people at least mentioned first in here and sort of moving the "plot" along. Ha, plot, like I have that here. And keep in mind everyone is now older and allowed to act OOC because I believe that eventually, most of them will have the stick out of their asses. Or into their asses, but a different kind of stick sweatdrop Oh, and even if this takes into account the current manga arc, let's just say Sasuke lightened up somewhat because he remembers the value of comradery. =P
When the trio had arrived at Hokage-sama's office, there was no one there. As a matter of fact, the lights were out and the three of them didn't see a single soul even wandering around here. Normally, the place would be full of activity, with people mumbling back and forth about the be-all end-all that is paperwork.
But today was different. No lights. No people. And…was that dry ice smoke they saw?
"Who dares intrude on my domain?" an eerie voice floated around them. Was it an enemy? Or…something far worse? They all began to get their hands at the ready for an attack in the most important building of the village. Perhaps it was an…oh no!...assassination!
At the sound of cloth scraping against the floor, all three of them threw a kunai towards their attacker trying to creep up on them.
"Aw shit! You broke my megaphone!"
"Hokage-sama?"
"Eh? Sakura? Throw the light switch would you, it's on your left." Sakura nodded and did as she was told.
And then the most surprising thing happened. Both boys screamed like the Furies were tearing them apart.
"My eyes!"
"Oh the horror!"
"Aw shit. I forgot to get into my younger body this morning." And with a few hand seals, the Tsunade that we are all familiar with appeared in front of them.
Sakura just blinked at the two on the floor. They were still writhing and trying to tear their own eyes out. "Er…Hokage-sama, what should we do with them?"
"Wimps. Don't act like you've never seen an old woman before. And I still haven't accounted the fact that you broke my megaphone!" She pointed emphatically at the "megaphone" that was now stuck to the wall thanks to Naruto's kunai.
"Kuso baba, it's only a piece of paper!"
"Yeah, well, it's still my megaphone!"
The two growled at each other before Sasuke so kindly reminded them why they were really here.
"Oh right, Sasuke. We have a bit of a shortage on housing, but we're getting someone to clear out some of the older places that are no longer occupied. But for now, you have one of three options!"
Sasuke was leery of these options though. This was Tsunade after all. She was probably on the same level of weirdness as Naruto. To be honest, Sasuke did not like options.
"Right, since it's pretty much impossible that you have enough money to fork over for repairs of the Uchiha mansion, we have decided that you can choose who you stay with. Now, these people have all kindly volunteered, so do take that into consideration. Your first option is with Rock Lee. Your second is with Naruto…"
"Oi! I didn't volunteer!"
"Shut up, brat. I said you volunteered so you volunteered."
"Oh yeah?! Wanna make something out of it?!"
"Yeah! Come on let's go!" The two shot sparks of electricity at each other.
"So what's the third choice?"
"Oh right, Sasuke, you're still here."
Sasuke growled at her in annoyance.
She coughed lightly to try and get back to the point. "Right, so your third option is staying with me. And I must warn you, I do not walk around my own home in my younger body."
Sasuke almost fainted from just the thought of that again. And staying with Naruto was Not An Option. So Lee it must be.
"I'll stay with Rock Lee."
"Great then it's settled! I'll send someone to contact Lee right away. Do you have any belongings at all though? I heard your place got trashed pretty bad." She laughed at him teasingly, which resulted in Sasuke just growling at her some more.
The three left the office, towing Sasuke away from Tsunade, who just continued to taunt him. Sakura inwardly sighed in disappointment. She was hoping that Hokage-sama would just toss the very obvious two into an apartment instead of actually being fair and letting people volunteer to house Sasuke. But it was okay. Sakura knew that some greater power must be at work here and would make things right in the end.
Or at least, it was giving her some pretty good opportunities to put the two of them together.
"Uh…Sakura."
"Hm? What is it Sasuke-kun?"
"I…er…actually don't know where Lee lives." The other two with him just stared.
"Sasuke! We've been friends with Lee for how long now? And you still don't know where he lives? Pfft, I guess you can't expect someone as anti-social as you are to know these kinds of things!"
"Oi! I'm not anti-social! I know where Sakura, Kakashi-sensei, and you live!"
"Oh woooow Sasuke. That's soooo great." Naruto said sarcastically.
"Damnit! I know how to get to your place blindfolded and in my sleep!"
Sakura just stared at Sasuke after he said that. "Is that so, Sasuke-kun?" She tried to sound as normal as possible, but it was pretty obvious that she had that evil devious fangirl voice. You know, the one you get when you plot to throw two boys together.
Naruto was just speechless. So, instead, he opted for the "oh look shiny thing!" option. In other words, he pointed in another random direction to hope for a distraction to exist.
"Oh look! It's a bird!" The other two shinobi sweatdropped at his efforts.
And look, there was the tumbleweed to mark the awkward silence!
Of course, then it was Lee to the rescue! "Oi! Sakura-san! Naruto-kun! Sasuke-kun!"
"Lee-kun! Ah, we were just looking for you!"
"Sasuke's gonna be staying with you, fuzzy eyebrows!"
"Ah! Is that so! Then I must persevere to be a good host! Come, Sasuke-kun! We must go forth and make your room as comfortable for you as possible!"
"No, Lee, that's okay, I don't really need any…"
"No! You are a guest in my home, I must ensure that everything is as you like it! Come forth, Sasuke-kun!" With that, Lee grabbed Sasuke's hand and started to drag him away.
"Oi! Wait! Damnit, Lee!" Sasuke was literally being dragged on the ground and could barely even get a chance to get up.
"Sakura-chan, don't you think that Lee's being a bit too…enthusiastic?"
"Nah, he's just excited that Sasuke-kun chose him."
"Sasuke will be dead in about an hour."
"Nah. He'll just run away whenever he realizes that he has no clothes and has to borrow Lee-kun's."
"Wanna bet on it?"
"You're on. The regular bet?"
"Sure." And they shook on it, Sakura trying to look as normal as possible and not cackling like an evil witch.
Back at Lee's, Sasuke had seen that it was quite obvious the boy liked green. The apartment was being shared with Neji, the two having decided to room together after realizing it was quite expensive to try and live by yourself on what they made. Besides, it wasn't like the Branch House members had that much money to throw at Neji's decision to move away.
"Sasuke-kun, you should probably take a shower. It's very humid today and I think your morning sparring with Naruto-kun has made you sweat a bit more than expected."
Sasuke nodded at Lee's suggestion and follow Lee's instructions to the bathroom, where there was already a towel awaiting his use.
Unfortunately for Sasuke, he had forgotten about a change of clothes. So when he stepped out of the shower with a towel, he proceeded to go and ask Lee for some clothes.
But of course, all Lee only had those green jumpsuits. Complete with orange leg warmers and all.
Sasuke almost fainted at the suggestion of having to step out in public in those. But there was no way he could wear his clothes from yesterday night. It still smelled like the ditch. And the goose shit.
"Er, not to sound ungrateful or anything, but could I ask Neji for some clothes? They're more…" He searched for the appropriate word. One could not say "normal" after all to one's host. "…my style." Yes, perhaps that would not insult the sensitive Lee.
"Oh, but Sasuke-kun, this is spandex! It'd look great on you! Gai-sensei even gave me one in dark blue to give to you!" He rushed off to get it and showed it to the now very scared Sasuke. "Here, let me help you into it!"
Sasuke scrambled back against the wall. "Ah, no that's okay Lee, I'll just go ask Neji myself."
But of course, the white-eyed shinobi was being uncooperative. To be honest, he just wanted to see how Sasuke would look like in the ridiculous jumpsuit. And perhaps how Naruto would react to it too.
"Damnit, Neji! I've never asked anything of you but just this once, give me some clothes! I am NOT wearing that…that…THING!" He waved frantically and kept the last part as low as possible in hopes of not insulting Lee. Yes, Sasuke actually cared about that kind of thing. Somewhat.
"No."
"Damnit! Neji! Come on!"
Neji seemed to contemplate this for a moment before reaching his decision. "How about if we switch patrol times? It's usually very inconvenient for me to get up so early…"
"Fine! Anything! I'll do it!"
"Alright then. No take backs alright?" Sasuke nodded. "Okay then, here you go." Neji handed him a pair of his shorts and one of his old shirts. "It's all that I can spare. I'm not rich like you are, you know."
"Shut up, Neji." Sasuke grabbed the clothes and began to walk back to the bathroom to change.
"Oh, and before I forget to mention, my patrol times are all with Naruto. I'm sure you'll have so much fun with him." He slammed his door shut and just hummed lightly at the banging on his door. Oh, how fun it was to torture Sasuke.
Eventually, Sasuke gave up and just went to change. That and the fact that he finally realized he was being even more obvious than normal.
Unfortunately for Sasuke (Again. Boy, this really isn't his day), he found out the clothes were a little too small. Okay, more than a little. And therefore, a bit tight. He couldn't walk very comfortably. And he couldn't really breathe. But mind you, he was Uchiha Sasuke and he could do the impossible!
Okay, sorta. Because the next moment, he found himself looking for more comfortable clothes elsewhere. Preferably not in public dressed a bit like Neji.
So who lived the closest to Lee? Hm…Sakura did, but he doubted she would have clothes for a boy. He did not want to wear anything that had even the most remote possibilities of being girly. No, he didn't. He was Uchiha Sasuke after all.
So who was next? Oh! Naruto! Ohhhh. Naruto…
"What's up, Sasuke-bastard? Why are you saying my name like that?" Sasuke jumped. Apparently, he had been absentmindedly walking towards Naruto's apartment this whole time too. And saying Naruto's name. He hoped it didn't come out too weirdly. Or that Naruto hadn't noticed.
"I need your help." he ground out. Obviously, this was very hard for him.
"Ha! What kind of help?" Naruto replied leerily at him. "And why are you wearing Neji's clothes?" Naruto pouted cutely at that. Wait…why was he pouting at that again? Argh! Don't be jealous!
"That's not the question to ask!" He had heard enough of it from people he had passed by while trying to walk here. "This is exactly what I need help with." He pointed at the clothing, showing Naruto exactly how it was too small for him. And in the process, grabbing various parts of the clothing to show Naruto that it clung to him too much because of the size.
Naruto almost fainted from a nosebleed when Sasuke tried to show him that his pants were on too small and too tight.
"Naruto! What's wrong?"
"Ah…nothing, just come in." He closed the door behind him and opened his closet. "These are all my clothes. They'll probably fit you since I'm a little taller than you." He winked at Sasuke at that.
"Oh shut up." He quickly grabbed the darkest shirt from the closet and the whitest shorts and proceeded to change right then and there.
Naruto almost fainted from the nosebleed again.
"What's wrong?"
"Ah, nothing, nothing."
And Sasuke continued to change, completely oblivious. Oh how Naruto wished he had a camera. Or two. Or three or four.
"I think I'm going to go out and buy some new clothes. Do you care if you get these back?"
"YES!" Naruto coughed. He hoped he didn't sound too eager. "I mean, yeah, sure, you know, whatever."
"Riiiiight. See ya later, I'll bring your clothes back eventually."
Naruto just tried to contain the pervert within from laughing. Or having another nosebleed. Whichever came first really. He just clamped one hand over a mouth and waved goodbye to Sasuke.
When Sasuke got outside, he found that finding a clothes stall in the market with some normal, plains clothes was very hard. And he wasn't sure if he even had enough money.
He was a bit confused though. Everywhere he went, people would be saying very odd things to him. It ranged from "Good going, Sasuke!" to "Oh, so you two finally got together!" to "Oh my! Thank the yaoi gods!" He just attributed this to everyone in Konoha being crazy though.
"Oi! Sasuke!" He looked behind him and was about to punch the person if they were going to say something weird again. But it was only Tsunade. He got his hands ready to do a fireball if necessary.
She stopped her brisk run in front of him and smirked. "Nice clothes, kid. Did you steal them from Naruto or did you just pick up the wrong set from the floor?"
"What?!" He didn't even really know what that meant!
"Ah…I mean…guess where you'll be staying!"
"An empty apartment?"
"Well…sorta…"
"What do you mean by sorta?" He really didn't like the sound of that.
But then again, this was Tsunade. She could pull anything.
"You'll be staying with…"
End Part II
And no, it's not Naruto. Not really anyway. Anyway, thanks to ghostninja85, Kawaii Chibi Kitty Angel, Inori-Sakura, Alriadne (somehow, I want to use those quotes sometime in my life in a fic XD), LittleDarkOne, kisaru, duenna, Mister Pineapple (glad you like! I love your fic Vogue and Eclipse also XD), izumi, Angl, Bealmira, fantasylover12001, crazy DOOM kitten (I think Naruto and Sasuke would love a closet XD Perhaps I should add that in my "possibilities" list =P), Dark Mimiru-Chan, Elly Stormrage, inu-chan 613, Jenniyah, Kutsu, twi5tedneko, Sugahlei, Yuen-chan, Tyrne J, Kyuubi-chan, and most of all Shirley (Have fun in China, Ryu-chan, ya butt XD I guess you won't be around for this fic shiku shiku) for reviews . More randomness to come later. And eventually, the past plans of everyone else shall be revealed. XD