Ryan sat between his mother and brother on a hard wooden bench in a wooden room. Ryan remembered how tall Trey had been even then, almost as tall as his mother, when they were sitting.

Ryan remembered he had worn a pair of black and white stone washed acid jeans. He remembered the jeans had been too small for him, so small it hurt to be sitting there in that bench. His mother had forced him to wear them though, she had been screaming about appearances screaming about how he wore out all his pants and these were the only ones without holes in them.

They got their entire wardrobe then from the good will. Dad had been in jail for about a month but out of work for almost a year. So most of what they had, was hand-me-down or government subsidized. But at 6 Ryan had only the slightest idea of what all that added up to; he was to young to know how poor they really were.

Ryan couldn't recall anything that was said not by his mother or brother or the judge or any lawyers. He didn't understand what was going on until the bailiff went over to his dad and handcuffed him. A the age of 6 Ryan knew what those special metal bracelets meant. He had seen neighbors been taken away in them and never come back, as well as his mother or father every once in a while when one or both of them was really drunk. Usually the more sober one would call the cops in the midst of whatever argument they were having and the louder more violent one would get dragged off in those bracelets and not come home again for days.

When the bailiff began to drag his daddy away Ryan could no longer stay still. He was so scared his daddy was leaving, and rightfully so. Ryan shot up and out of his seat before Trey or Dawn could have been able to catch him, if they had made the effort do so. They never made much effort when it came to Ryan.

Panic stricken and scared Ryan raced up the long aisle toward the wooden gates that separated him and his daddy. No one had ever really noticed Ryan much at home, he was the quiet one, the one not in trouble, so he went over looked, but every once in a while it was his dad that noticed him. It was his dad that had helped him learn how to do the simple things that helped him survive his house. It was his dad that had taught him all the signals that meant Dawn was drunk and angry and willing to hit the next person she saw. And knowing those signals saved him from a lot of beatings.

He made it almost to those gates, the gates that held his daddy. But an arm reached out and grabbed him. Ryan struggled against the force trying to get through trying to get his daddy back but there was no point, the arm that held him was to strong.

Still screaming still crying still fighting Ryan watched as his daddy's head disappeared behind the wall that separated the holding cell from the courtroom. With daddy out of sight Ryan's little heart broke. He slipped down to the floor. His body and crying collapsing into a heap on the floor, ignored and looked over by everyone left in the room.

It was then when Ryan looked up for the first time to see who had prevented him from reaching his father. Expecting to see Trey or his mother he was surprised to see a police officer, his father's arresting officer. Not a compassionate bystander or a sympathetic public defender starred back at him but a hardened cop with ice cold eyes. Eyes that shown with disgust and contempt for this 6 year old boy who knew no better and wouldn't be given the opportunity to learn better till well into his teen years.

"Let this be a warning to you!" was all the officer said before he turned his back and walked away. Ryan was confused, where was officer friendly he had seen on TV. This police man was not the man that told him every Saturday morning while he watched cartoons next to a passed out Dawm that he would help him. He was six and needed help. Who would help him?

Unfortunately Ryan knew the answer now even if he hadn't then. No one, no one until he was 16 and so close to turning into his father and brother he could barely stand himself. No one would help him till the Cohen's and Marissa would come into his life and show him how much he had within himself that was good.

Ryan went back to the courtroom and back to being that 6 year old boy sitting on the ground watching the man that had taken his daddy away walking out the doors. It was then that he saw Dawn and Trey leaving. Ryan knew his mom wouldn't come and pick him up, tell him she loved him and that everything would be okay, but he hadn't thought she would leave him.

Trey looked back after Dawn had walked out of the courtroom right before he followed. Ashamed and embarrassed Trey looked at his brother. So stupid and so young Trey thought, shaking his head and following his mother out.

But Ryan couldn't pick himself up. Couldn't calm himself down enough to stand himself up and exit with what was left of his family. So he curled himself up, into a ball there on the floor and cried. Cried for himself, and for his family, till he couldn't cry anymore.

"Ryan where are you?" Marissa whispered into his chest where her head still laid. He was starting to scare her how scared she was for him. Sure she was attracted to him, intrigued by him but did she love him? Because right now it felt like she loved him. But not how she had loved Luke. This was a richer deeper sensation, not just a quiver in her stomach and a mantra her brain chanted.

Ryan didn't respond right away. He squeezed her slightly feeling her shift in closer. "No where." He said absently. He hadn't meant to give her such a cagey answer but it was just to natural of a response that he hadn't had time to think of a more substantial response before he had responded. His voice was raspy and raw from the control he was holding himself with.

"Please." Marissa pleaded as she separated herself from him, feeling a chill sweep across the check she had pressed into his chest moments ago.

"No where pleasant." Ryan tried to satisfy her without getting to specific. He tried to take her into his arms again. Feeling her absence more deeply then he thought he would of. She felt so good so sweet laying against him clinging to him. He had never realized that your heart could pound and skip beats at the same time but his was now.

She just looked at him frozen needing to feel him but needing him to respond.

"Childhood memories, nothing fun." He finally said. She looked as though she wanted more, but she came back into his arms so he didn't volunteer anything else.

Marissa wasn't sure where her boundaries were. She had pushed her way here in more ways then one and wasn't sure she wanted to push any further. If she hadn't him let her inside his head, she would have to be able to respond and help him with whatever held him, and she wasn't confident she could. She was having a hard enough time inside herself, to try to add his head too.