"Alright." Marissa stared "I've pushed you enough for one day."
Ryan was relieved that she wasn't going to fight him, but perturbed by Marissa's response. Could she honestly think that she had forced Ryan into letting her stay? Sure it wasn't his first choice but if he had been against it totally she would be at school now. He thought she realized this.
Before he could try to reassure her she was wanted Mr. and Mrs. Cohen came back out side. Mr. Cohen following behind his wife, his eye's squeezed shut trying to brace himself in case he was in for a repeat performance. He had not been particularly anxious to go back out onto the porch but he hadn't wanted to try to keep Kirsten in the kitchen by arguing either.
Ryan and Marissa both noticed that for the first seconds Mr. Cohen was on the porch his eyes were squeezed shut and felt embarrassed. Marissa blushed at her embarrassment and Ryan fought the urge to retreat. He always seemed to leave when thing got embarrassing but he couldn't run now. Marissa was holding him to tightly.
"Are you okay" Kirsten asked Ryan concerned about his well being and wanting to break the silence.
When the talking began Marissa disengaged herself from Ryan knowing it was not appropriate to cling to him while having this discussion.
"Yes Mrs. Cohen I'm fine." Ryan replied. But no one believed him that was all Ryan ever said. Especially because he had his eye's focused on the ground a sure sign in the land of Ryan Atwood that he was not being entirely forthright.
"What did Trey want?" Kirsten asked not wanting to press her newest son into sharing. She understood it was hard for him especially coming from his background.
"He wanted me to stop by and see him today around noon in Chino."
"Okay" Kirsten said. Her tone gave the impression she had reservations because she did large ones. But who was she to deny him the opportunity to see his brother. Even if his brother was a rotten criminal punk who had gotten him in all his trouble to begin with. Not that things hadn't worked out for the best. She loved Ryan unconditionally as if he was her own.
"What are personal day's for if you don't take them right?" Sandy said when he realized Kirsten wasn't going to finish her thoughts.
"Actually I was thinking about going alone."
"Ryan I don't . . ." Kirsten cut herself off there. Much to Sandy and Marissa's disappointment, both of them were sure she was going to say what they were thinking. That going by himself to Chino to visit his ex-con brother that got him arrested in the first place was not a good idea.
Kirsten though just didn't feel comfortable expressing herself. She really wanted to protect Ryan. To go with him, hold his hand and shelter him if he insisted on going. More than anything though she wanted him to stay home at his house here with the rest of the Cohens; she wanted him to stay in the pool house and kiss Marissa, or on the living room floor playing video games and bantering with Seth
Kirsten knew Ryan didn't need her like Seth needed her and that was hard for her. She had fallen into her role as his mother, loving him unconditionally so easily. She loved him as though he was her own flesh and blood, but she knew Ryan wasn't at that point yet.
"If this is something you feel you need to do, and can only do it alone fine. I'd feel more comfortable if Sandy went with you but it's up to you."
"I-" Sandy started only to get immediately cut off by Kirsten.
"You can take my car Ryan." Kirsten finished looking over at Sandy. They locked eyes and sandy immediately realized they were gonna have to talk. He didn't like this idea, and obviously she was dead set against changing her mind. This is not the time for her to start respecting their son's independent streak. He was not going to be allowed to endanger everything he had going now for his brother.
"Kirsten we need to talk." Sandy said as he walked back into the house.
Kirsten looked back at Ryan and gave him a sad smile. She was trying desperately to be a mother to him. The kind of mother he needed. She would support him through anything but it saddened her that she had to support him from a distance. At least Seth needed her, and wanted her to be involved in his life when things got tough. Seth had asked his mother to go with him to visit Ryan in juvie and that had meant a lot to her. That was one of the hardest experiences Seth had ever been through. Ryan didn't need her like that though. He was used to having an absentee mother, so she wasn't even sure he knew how to need her that way. And she couldn't force him to.
Inside Sandy was fuming. He had worked so hard to get Ryan away from Chino and now Kirsten was sending him back alone.
"Before you start," Kirsten said waling into the kitchen not even bothering to close the door before she launched herself into her tirade, "I'm not changing my mind. And your not going to go with him either. Unless he asks." Kristen approached Sandy and wrapped her arms around his neck." I know your worried, I'm worried too but Ryan isn't Seth he doesn't know how to let us into this part of his life. And I don't think we can force it."
Sandy wanted nothing more than to push this subject push his wife into caving like she so often did. But he couldn't he wouldn't, not this time. She had done a great thing accepting Ryan and now he couldn't tell her not to. She thought she was accepting Ryan for who he was, and she was right to do so.
"Fine. I'll call the school and inform them of his absence and why Marissa is late."
Kirsten gave sandy a kiss then turned and walked out of the kitchen. Sandy rubbed his eyes for a minute before opening his cell phone and hitting the speed dial number for Harbor School.
"Dr. Kim please."
Out side on the porch Kirsten walked into what seemed to be a very tense situation. Ryan stood exactly where she had left him, but Marissa was now sitting down at the table a few feet away facing away from Ryan. How and why she had left Ryan's side she guessed she'd never know. This wasn't a good sign that she did know. That Kirsten could tell even from her very distant memories of new relationships.
"Ryan here are my car key's. Why don't you go now take Marissa to school then head from Chino. It's about 10:00 now it'll take you two hours to get up there after you drop her off." Kirsten handed the keys to Ryan and watched as he looked over towards Marissa. She didn't move. She didn't even acknowledge words had been said.
"Mrs. Cohen Umm I don't know if I should take your car. Maybe I should call a cab." Ryan said worried that he would mess up one more thing the Cohens had. He seemed to mess a lot up, and after what happened at the party that Donnie had taken them too Ryan just felt really uncomfortable.
"Ryan if the car can get vandalized at the Imax it can happen anywhere. Besides I trust you." Kirsten Had never really believed Seth about the Imax, but she thought that if she could maybe lighten the mood she wouldn't feel quite so guilty about letting Ryan go.
"Besides I don't want you to be stuck there if anything goes wrong. I'd feel batter if I knew you were in control of your own transportation. And If I'm going to work from home today I need to get started, which means I really do need you to drop of Marissa."
"Marissa." Kirsten called questioning the girl, her state of mind of being, everything.
"I'm coming." Marissa said her voice tight with held back tears. She was upset she wasn't gonna lie to herself. Sure everyone thought it was gonna be okay to let Ryan run off all by himself. Who was she to stop him. She only loved him why should her opinion matter.
Ryan wished Marissa would have just said whatever she was thinking when the Cohens had left the porch. But instead he had walked away. Dropped his hand and walked away not that that really mattered anyway he only loved her he didn't need her support.
Ryan and Marissa locked eyes for a split second but in that second they saw their own pain their own fears of abandonment mirrored in the others eyes. That was when Ryan knew that Marissa was gonna want to talk. Suddenly Ryan wasn't so willing to go anywhere. The aspect of being alone in a car with Marisa who so obviously had a lot to say to him just didn't seem like so much fun.
Ryan opened Marissa's car door and she thanked him. As he crossed back to his side Kirsten yelled to him from the front door of the house.
"You come back Ryan."
Ryan looked at her and saw the love he had never seen from his mother in Kirsten. She genuinely wanted him there he realized that for the first time at this moment. He had always thought he was there with the Cohens at least on her part out of pity but Ryan saw no pity in her eyes. Her eyes held only love and concern and fear, not for her car or for her house or herself but fear for him. Fear of losing him.
He smiled slightly at her looking up from under his lashes. He would never get used to feeling this accepted and wanted and loved, no matter how long he lived at the home. As he pulled out of the driveway he looked at Marissa and started what would probably be the longest conversation of his life.
"Say it Marissa."
Sandy came up behind his wife on the porch and watched as the Range Rover disappeared. He was worried for Ryan he was worried for their family.
"I hope your right Kirsten." That was all that was said before he kissed her sweetly on the check and left himself for work.
Kirsten wasn't sure she was right. In fact she felt in her mother's intuition she was wrong, but in her heart she had known no other option. And no matter how arrogant and manly her husband was she would never go against her heart. He had taught her that years ago.