"Say it Marissa."
'Say what Ryan." Marissa played dumb. But Ryan knew better than that he
could hear the tension in her voice, see the tightness in her features.
"Lecture me, or counsel me or bitch at we whatever you want to do just do
it."
"You know if you wanted a lecture you should of stayed and talked to Mr.
Cohen. I'm not gonna tell you how to live your life. It's not like this
is any of my business or you asked for my help. You have made it perfectly
clear where I'm allowed and where I'm not." Marissa bit out still looking
out the window refusing to look at him. She hadn't looked at him since she
started her speech afraid her eyes would give her up and he'd see how hurt
and abandoned and afraid she felt.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Ryan asked trying to conceal the anger
and defensiveness he felt rising but he couldn't. It was just who he was
he had a temper, especially when he was having conversations that were
going no where and were only getting him more and more confused and more
and more frustrated.
Marissa's resolve was not getting stronger. The angrier Ryan got the
weaker she got. His anger scared her a little. Not for herself,
physically but for them as a couple. Were they a couple? She wasn't sure
but she wanted them to be. He had lost his temper so quickly. She
wasn't used to this kind of behavior. Boys had never reacted so
passionately to things she said or wouldn't say. She wasn't sure if the
anger was directed toward her, or her currant refusal to open up. It was
intense though.
"You can kiss me and paw at me, but anything involving emotions or more
than your tongue and I don't mean a thing." Marissa finished.
Ryan didn't even justify this with an answer, he knew better and knew she
knew better. He wouldn't of stood up to her mother, or waited out her
relationship with Luke, or not let her spend the night at the model home
with him if all he wanted her for was her body. Instead he repeated his
first statement, slightly calmer but still very serious. "Say it
Marissa."
"I'm not angry." Marissa said pausing before she continued. Her voice
soft and unwilling to steady itself. "I'm scared," She whispered.
Ryan's anger melted. He wasn't used to women being anything other than
angry toward him. In his 16 years on earth, women were always angry with
him no matter how he screwed up. His girl friends (not meant to be
girlfriends, not implying past relationships) and his mother never got
scared, or hurt they just always got angry.
"Why?" Ryan asked softer more timid. "Why are you scared?" Ryan looked
at Marissa from the corner of his eyes. She wasn't looking back at him
she was starring straight a head unseeing. She had never looked so young.
He felt his heart drop and his stomach tighten all at once.
"What if you don't come back?" Marissa asked, not to him really but
herself. She was so scared Trey and Chino would draw Ryan back , and she
would lose him, before she really had him.
"Marissa-" Ryan started but couldn't think to say anything more. He
thought they had settled this back at the Cohen's. He didn't want to go
to Chino. The Cohen's didn't want him to go back to Chino. What could
she think he would leave her for, Trey? The brother that got him arrested,
caused him nothing but trouble, had beaten him up repeatedly when they were
children. He couldn't figure out why she was so worried, so he didn't
know what to say.
They rode the rest of the way in silence. Both Marissa and Ryan were
unsure of how to continue the conversation. When they pulled up to Harbor
school Marissa didn't budge. Ryan started to get nervous. He didn't know
what to do.
"We're here." Ryan said softly hoping Marissa was just lost in thought
and hadn't realized it was time for her to get out of the car.
"I'm not going to school today." Marissa said with an errie calmness
compared to the last time she had spoken. She had said on the deck that
she wasn't going to be pushy anymore and he would just have to forgive her
for lying to him. She was about to get very pushy.
"Alright." Ryan said. "Where do I need to drop you then?" Ryan asked
hoping he was wrong. Hoping she was not about to do what he thought she
was gonna do.
"I'm going with you."
Ryan turned off the engine, and got out of the car. He slammed his door
shut, than walked around to Marissa's side and threw her door open. He
squatted down so he was level with Marissa. (Forgot Kirsten had the rover
and Sandy has the car so lets just pretend Kirsten has the car and Sandy
has the rover or this whole scene that I love makes no sense)
"Please Marissa, go to school.' Ryan pleaded his voice raw with emotion,
but not the emotion she had assumed would be coming by his aggressive
handling of the car doors. Ryan sounded afraid and nervous.
Ryan sounded afraid and nervous because he was. Afraid of what would
happen if he refused to let her go and nervous about what would happen if
he allowed her to come. He had never really really argued with her and he
wasn't sure he knew how. You really didn't argue with a drunk, and he
never really cared enough about any of the girls he made out with to argue
with them about anything. He didn't know how to argue with girls. He
couldn't argue with her the same way that he'd argue with a man because his
arguments with men always came to blows and he could never hurt her.
"Ryan why don't you trust me?" Marissa asked pleading with him to cave.
She slowly reached her hand out and lightly brushed the hair that fell
across his forehead tidying his appearance slightly. "I feel like you
have this whole other world that I know nothing about. How are we
supposed to make this work out if you won't even trust me?"
"Marissa I don't talk much about things, and I don't really trust people,
but I trust you." Ryan said looking her up and down. Avoiding her eyes,
afraid of the emotions he was feeling "I want to make it" Ryan corrected
himself "this work." Finally when he was done he looked up at her and
said "No matter what".
Ryan wasn't sure what he meant. How far was he willing to bend he wasn't
sure, but he knew he needed her to be okay with him. He needed her to
know she meant something to him.
"If that's true, Ryan let me come with you."
"Marissa Trey isn't-"
"Please I want to be there for you." Marissa interrupted unsure of what
else she could say to convince him to let her go. So it was from this
sense of not knowing what to say, that made her realize she did know one
thing she could do. She could kiss him.
She leaned down, grasping her hands onto his shoulders to steady herself.
She knew this was unfair, that this was manipulating and conniving but she
didn't know what else to do and he felt so good. And right now she needed
to feel good just as bad as she needed to get her way.
The kiss quickly began to grow. She ran her tongue across the roof of
Ryan's mouth stimulating and tickling him. It was this abundance of
stimulation to a sensitive area of his body that caused him to shot
foreword pushing her back against her seat.
The passion and intensity of this kiss put all other kisses to shame.
Neither Marissa nor Ryan was in control of what their bodies were doing;
all they could do was respond to the pleasure that was consuming them.
Ryan steadied himself by putting a hand on the headrest and throwing a leg
across Marissa's body to rest between her and the middle console.
Straddling and trapping her in her chair Ryan felt himself losing control.
More than anything he wanted to forget the world, forget where they were and take Marissa. Make her scream and tremble from unimaginable pleasure was the only thing on Ryan's mind. He didn't think about it when he reached between the seat and the car wall and pulled the lever making Marissa's seat shoot back. He had no idea where this lust came from but it was driving and his 17-year-old system was ill equipped to deal with it. This sudden decline in altitude was what shocked Marissa back into reality. She let out a squeal before weakly pushing Ryan back slightly. Marissa could barely move her lips without grazing Ryan's he was still close, but neither of them had the strength to be any further apart. "Ryan." Marissa breathed and moaned at once not knowing what to do or say, and fighting her desire to wrap herself around him. She needed to fill the void between them now as the cold air rushed between them and his name seemed to be abridge she could erect quickly. She realized the passion and intensity was something she hadn't had with Luke and was something she loved about her relationship with Ryan. But right now here in Kirsten's car in front of their school she knew they couldn't continue a kiss that wasn't a kiss, but a precursor to an act that would be so powerful and consuming it scared her. "Sorry" Ryan mumbled as he pulled away. Marissa heard the disenchantment in his voice and felt her heart flinch. She quickly caught up to Ryan before he could get out of his current position and kissed him not passionately or sexually but chastely, sweetly and lovingly. She didn't let her sex drive motivate her, she let her heart do the kissing. She wanted to convey deep affection. She wanted to convey the love she felt. She gently pressed her mouth into his. Darting her tongue out to moisten and sooth his lips. She didn't push or suck his lips but hugged them with her own. Ryan was surprised by this kiss. Their other kisses had been driven, lustful, devouring, and possessive but this one wasn't. It was innocent, peaceful, calming, and loving. It was that last feeling though that threw him, unsteadied him. His lips remained soft, and pliable but frozen from shock. He had never felt anything like this. Marissa gently ran her hand through his hair and down his neck to the base where she gently massaged his neck. Relieving the tension he had stored there. Gently she pulled away, wondering what to say, but nothing needed to be said. Ryan separated them by standing up; he looked down at her lying in the car and smiled at himself. He hadn't thought it was possible for her to be his first anything, but he was quickly realizing that it was quite possible she would be his first love. Gently and with none of the aggression or the force of his entrance he exited. Than proceeded to go and get back behind the wheel. Marissa in the mean time had put her seat back up and was starring dreamily in his direction. He got back in and started the car. Marissa reached her hand over and grasped his pulling it into her lap. She gently held his hand and caressed it, He looked over at her after he pulled away from the school and smirked. He wasn't positive but he was so much closer to being positive that his feelings for Marissa were actually love. "Marissa, Trey isn't like the people in the OC. He doesn't know people like you, he doesn't behave in a way that-" "Ryan" Marissa Interrupted squeezing his hand. "I trust you entirely." "I'm not sure you can." Ryan said before pulling his hand from hers to turn on the radio. Instantly Ryan knew Seth had been the last one in the car to be listening to music. A man came on Screeching loudly but audibly and emotionally 'If I could I would shrink myself sink through your skin to your blood cells and remove what ever makes you hurt but I'm to weak to be your cure." Slightly creeped out by the surreal qualities the music was adding to the already unsettled car ride Marissa hit the skip button and smiled when the same man came back on singing this time 'I'm sinking like a stone in the sea. I'm burning like a bridge for your body.' Ryan internally laughed at Marissa. He had never realized how deep her connection to music was. The fact that a song could make her uncomfortable, not the prospect of meeting someone she would regret meeting for the rest of her life gave him insight into just how much she trusted him, or how naïve she was.. He turned on to the free way and looked at Marissa who was fighting sleep in the seat next to him. He reached his hand out and took hers. Pulling it into his lap. He was unaware when he did it that that her head would follow and come to rest on his shoulder. Not that he minded, but he it was distracting. He let her steady breathing relax him as he prepared himself to go back to the life he thought he would never go back to. Next thing Marissa knew Ryan was gently petting her head coaxing her back to reality. The car was parked in front of a run down apartment building in a neighborhood that reminded her of the ones in Training Day and Seven. "Where are we?" She asked her voice still sleepy. "Arturo's. He's my brothers best friend. Arturo's actually in Mexico right now visiting family. SO he probably doesn't know Trey is staying here." Ryan looked at her then at their surroundings. He belonged here, but she didn't. She stuck out because she was too beautiful for a place like this. Ryan got out of the car and walked around to her side opening the door. He was nervous about how Trey would be. If Trey was drunk he would have to protect Marissa, if Trey was sober he would have to protect Marissa, and he wasn't sure he could. He took her hand to help her out and she looked up into his eyes. She was falling so hard she could hardly catch her breath, but the nervousness she saw in his eyes made her worry for him. She was confident in him, but he obviously wasn't. She paused and made him stop and look at her. He gazed down at her stoically, his mask in place and she looked up at him adoringly. Not wanting him to break his walls now, she realized they were important to what was about to happen to him, but she at least wanted to get into his heart. "Everything is gonna be okay. I promise." She said with a resolute tone letting him know this was not lip service but her belief. She leaned up and kissed him running her hand up to cup his face and gently stroke his check. Ryan idly thought as they separated and walked to the front door that he would be happy when it was her that needed the support. But it was nice to know that she was gonna be there for him. They got buzzed in and made there way past the man passed out in the stair well up to the second floor. The hallway smelled like stale smoke and urine. Ryan had forgotten what that smelled like staying with the Cohen's so long probably to long for him to deal with his family. The Cohen's and Newport made him soft, not that he really minded till now, but till now he hadn't thought he would have to go back to Chino. He raised his fist and knocked twice looking once more at Marissa out of the corner of his eye. Wishing she would chicken out and run back to the car saying something about needing a nap and seeing him when he's done but he wasn't that lucky! She stood by him, grasping his hand supporting him in her own way. The door opened to revel a dirty dark blonde man, scruffy and greasy looking drunk and menacing squinting his unprepared eyes through the natural light. He quickly opened his mouth and spoke. "So if it isn't my dear brother Ry." Ryan inwardly cringed at the reference. No one called him Ry, not anymore and with good reason. Ry was always easier for a drunk to say than Ryan, and no one in his life was a drunk anymore. He just starred back at Trey not responding hopping this would be quick and painless. "You made it quickly." Trey continued "And in a very nice car I see." Trey peered past them and Ryan could tell he was calculating the worth of the parts. "I'm here cuz you said you wanted to see me, what does the car I drove have to do with anything." "Just a comment. Mom told me you had gotten yourself into a comfy position. Worked the 'smart kid' angle. I never could do that." As Trey finished he turned and walked back into the apartment not shutting the door or asking them in, just expecting his little brother to follow him like he always did. Marissa looked over at Ryan confused then walked into the apartment practically dragging Ryan by the hand. Ryan released her hand and turned to shut the door, wishing he didn't have to be there. "Oh and I see you brought your latest Bitch. She certainly looks like a great Fuck!" Ryan heard Trey say this and slammed the door shut before he knew what he was doing. He saw Marissa turning red and starring at the ground shifting uncomfortably. She had never been talked to in this way. Sure she had had guys leer at her the way she had noticed him leering at her when she walked in but something in his tone made her feel bad for the curves she had. Ryan moved past Marissa and stood in Trey's face. He didn't say a word he just stared his brother down, giving him one of the looks Seth jokes about but this look had no sense of humor. Ryan had no sense of humor about how Trey was talking about Marissa. Trey snickered at Ryan and stood his ground. Marissa suddenly realized why Ryan had wanted her to go to school. She finally realized that she should have been scared, and now regretted not having prepared herself for this. Not having prepared herself for the promise of violence that filled the air, and the fear it caused her.
More than anything he wanted to forget the world, forget where they were and take Marissa. Make her scream and tremble from unimaginable pleasure was the only thing on Ryan's mind. He didn't think about it when he reached between the seat and the car wall and pulled the lever making Marissa's seat shoot back. He had no idea where this lust came from but it was driving and his 17-year-old system was ill equipped to deal with it. This sudden decline in altitude was what shocked Marissa back into reality. She let out a squeal before weakly pushing Ryan back slightly. Marissa could barely move her lips without grazing Ryan's he was still close, but neither of them had the strength to be any further apart. "Ryan." Marissa breathed and moaned at once not knowing what to do or say, and fighting her desire to wrap herself around him. She needed to fill the void between them now as the cold air rushed between them and his name seemed to be abridge she could erect quickly. She realized the passion and intensity was something she hadn't had with Luke and was something she loved about her relationship with Ryan. But right now here in Kirsten's car in front of their school she knew they couldn't continue a kiss that wasn't a kiss, but a precursor to an act that would be so powerful and consuming it scared her. "Sorry" Ryan mumbled as he pulled away. Marissa heard the disenchantment in his voice and felt her heart flinch. She quickly caught up to Ryan before he could get out of his current position and kissed him not passionately or sexually but chastely, sweetly and lovingly. She didn't let her sex drive motivate her, she let her heart do the kissing. She wanted to convey deep affection. She wanted to convey the love she felt. She gently pressed her mouth into his. Darting her tongue out to moisten and sooth his lips. She didn't push or suck his lips but hugged them with her own. Ryan was surprised by this kiss. Their other kisses had been driven, lustful, devouring, and possessive but this one wasn't. It was innocent, peaceful, calming, and loving. It was that last feeling though that threw him, unsteadied him. His lips remained soft, and pliable but frozen from shock. He had never felt anything like this. Marissa gently ran her hand through his hair and down his neck to the base where she gently massaged his neck. Relieving the tension he had stored there. Gently she pulled away, wondering what to say, but nothing needed to be said. Ryan separated them by standing up; he looked down at her lying in the car and smiled at himself. He hadn't thought it was possible for her to be his first anything, but he was quickly realizing that it was quite possible she would be his first love. Gently and with none of the aggression or the force of his entrance he exited. Than proceeded to go and get back behind the wheel. Marissa in the mean time had put her seat back up and was starring dreamily in his direction. He got back in and started the car. Marissa reached her hand over and grasped his pulling it into her lap. She gently held his hand and caressed it, He looked over at her after he pulled away from the school and smirked. He wasn't positive but he was so much closer to being positive that his feelings for Marissa were actually love. "Marissa, Trey isn't like the people in the OC. He doesn't know people like you, he doesn't behave in a way that-" "Ryan" Marissa Interrupted squeezing his hand. "I trust you entirely." "I'm not sure you can." Ryan said before pulling his hand from hers to turn on the radio. Instantly Ryan knew Seth had been the last one in the car to be listening to music. A man came on Screeching loudly but audibly and emotionally 'If I could I would shrink myself sink through your skin to your blood cells and remove what ever makes you hurt but I'm to weak to be your cure." Slightly creeped out by the surreal qualities the music was adding to the already unsettled car ride Marissa hit the skip button and smiled when the same man came back on singing this time 'I'm sinking like a stone in the sea. I'm burning like a bridge for your body.' Ryan internally laughed at Marissa. He had never realized how deep her connection to music was. The fact that a song could make her uncomfortable, not the prospect of meeting someone she would regret meeting for the rest of her life gave him insight into just how much she trusted him, or how naïve she was.. He turned on to the free way and looked at Marissa who was fighting sleep in the seat next to him. He reached his hand out and took hers. Pulling it into his lap. He was unaware when he did it that that her head would follow and come to rest on his shoulder. Not that he minded, but he it was distracting. He let her steady breathing relax him as he prepared himself to go back to the life he thought he would never go back to. Next thing Marissa knew Ryan was gently petting her head coaxing her back to reality. The car was parked in front of a run down apartment building in a neighborhood that reminded her of the ones in Training Day and Seven. "Where are we?" She asked her voice still sleepy. "Arturo's. He's my brothers best friend. Arturo's actually in Mexico right now visiting family. SO he probably doesn't know Trey is staying here." Ryan looked at her then at their surroundings. He belonged here, but she didn't. She stuck out because she was too beautiful for a place like this. Ryan got out of the car and walked around to her side opening the door. He was nervous about how Trey would be. If Trey was drunk he would have to protect Marissa, if Trey was sober he would have to protect Marissa, and he wasn't sure he could. He took her hand to help her out and she looked up into his eyes. She was falling so hard she could hardly catch her breath, but the nervousness she saw in his eyes made her worry for him. She was confident in him, but he obviously wasn't. She paused and made him stop and look at her. He gazed down at her stoically, his mask in place and she looked up at him adoringly. Not wanting him to break his walls now, she realized they were important to what was about to happen to him, but she at least wanted to get into his heart. "Everything is gonna be okay. I promise." She said with a resolute tone letting him know this was not lip service but her belief. She leaned up and kissed him running her hand up to cup his face and gently stroke his check. Ryan idly thought as they separated and walked to the front door that he would be happy when it was her that needed the support. But it was nice to know that she was gonna be there for him. They got buzzed in and made there way past the man passed out in the stair well up to the second floor. The hallway smelled like stale smoke and urine. Ryan had forgotten what that smelled like staying with the Cohen's so long probably to long for him to deal with his family. The Cohen's and Newport made him soft, not that he really minded till now, but till now he hadn't thought he would have to go back to Chino. He raised his fist and knocked twice looking once more at Marissa out of the corner of his eye. Wishing she would chicken out and run back to the car saying something about needing a nap and seeing him when he's done but he wasn't that lucky! She stood by him, grasping his hand supporting him in her own way. The door opened to revel a dirty dark blonde man, scruffy and greasy looking drunk and menacing squinting his unprepared eyes through the natural light. He quickly opened his mouth and spoke. "So if it isn't my dear brother Ry." Ryan inwardly cringed at the reference. No one called him Ry, not anymore and with good reason. Ry was always easier for a drunk to say than Ryan, and no one in his life was a drunk anymore. He just starred back at Trey not responding hopping this would be quick and painless. "You made it quickly." Trey continued "And in a very nice car I see." Trey peered past them and Ryan could tell he was calculating the worth of the parts. "I'm here cuz you said you wanted to see me, what does the car I drove have to do with anything." "Just a comment. Mom told me you had gotten yourself into a comfy position. Worked the 'smart kid' angle. I never could do that." As Trey finished he turned and walked back into the apartment not shutting the door or asking them in, just expecting his little brother to follow him like he always did. Marissa looked over at Ryan confused then walked into the apartment practically dragging Ryan by the hand. Ryan released her hand and turned to shut the door, wishing he didn't have to be there. "Oh and I see you brought your latest Bitch. She certainly looks like a great Fuck!" Ryan heard Trey say this and slammed the door shut before he knew what he was doing. He saw Marissa turning red and starring at the ground shifting uncomfortably. She had never been talked to in this way. Sure she had had guys leer at her the way she had noticed him leering at her when she walked in but something in his tone made her feel bad for the curves she had. Ryan moved past Marissa and stood in Trey's face. He didn't say a word he just stared his brother down, giving him one of the looks Seth jokes about but this look had no sense of humor. Ryan had no sense of humor about how Trey was talking about Marissa. Trey snickered at Ryan and stood his ground. Marissa suddenly realized why Ryan had wanted her to go to school. She finally realized that she should have been scared, and now regretted not having prepared herself for this. Not having prepared herself for the promise of violence that filled the air, and the fear it caused her.