Chapter 2 – Sanity now and beyond me
Disclaimer: Yadda, yadda,
yadda. Don't own the game. Don't own the song.
Christina belongs to me. The rest isn't mine. Not making money. Don't sue.
Feedback: … is deeply loved! It
makes me more eager to write ;)
Summary: Chrissie settles down in
the hotel, and contemplates the days events.
Notes: Sorry 'bout the lack of
updates. I had been meaning to write for a while, but real life kept getting in
the way. I'm sure you all know how it is. By the way, fanfiction.net seems to
hate the three little ''s. It keeps cutting them out of my stories. That's my
scene-breaker, damnit!
Also, the song "Lovesong" is only performed live by
Maynard. Despite the title, it is a mix between the Cure's "Lovesong"
and Ozzy Osbourne's "Diary
of a Madman". It was my first intention to just use the Cure's song, but then I
remembered this little diddy. The mix between
darkness and devotion seemed to fit the chapter nicely. ;)
- -
'Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I'm whole again'
- -
"Tommy Vercetti?" The man looked at me through
the mirror with suspicious eyes.
"Yeah. Do you know where he lives?" I stared back at
him with a calm expression.
"What's it to you?"
"I have a… business proposition." Yeah, something like
that. It finally occurred to me that I wasn't really sure how to seek his help.
Surely, he wouldn't take on the mafia intentionally. Why fight them when the
battle was already fought? The mafia wouldn't touch Tommy. He was on the 'To
Avoid' list (metaphorically speaking, of course).
Suddenly the driver pulled to a stop, nearly driving up the curb. He turned
around and narrowed his eyes at me, "You stay at this hotel. Ask the lady in
the front and she'll tell you where to find Mr. Vercetti."
I lugged my small baggage behind me and stopped to stare at the building. The
sign read "Ocean View Hotel" in large pink letters. Lovely.
I slowly walked into the hotel. Not a soul was viewable, and the only noise was
the tacky music.
I looked around. There was a small eating area, and the main desk for booking a
room. I walked over to it, and noted the "ring bell for service" sign. And so I
did.
A young lady came rushing out with a fake smile plastered on her face "Welcome
to Ocean View Hotel! Here we over great services, wonderful food, and a nice
surrounding to our wonderful customers. Is there anything I can do for you?"
Well, she was rather… cheerful. I briefly wondered whether people could
actually be so perky at work. "Er, yeah. I need a
room…"
"Alright! Are you aware of how long you will be staying with us?" She tilted
her head a bit to the right.
"No, not really. I'm kind of in limbo with that situation."
"Okay! Well, you can just rebook the room if you're still here tomorrow. Now,
would you like a basic room?" I nodded. She then rang up my room, and told me
my total. I quickly paid her and rushed out of the scene. I felt that it was
alright for me to detest such a happy mood since I was so miserable at the
moment.
Why can't they suffer like I am?
I walked into my room. It was spacious, not exactly cozy though. It lacked
that warm, inviting feeling of home.
Home…
I shook my head, determined to banish such thoughts. I tossed my bag onto
the bed. Such a small bag it was. All other belongings had been left at my
home...
I tugged at my hair in frustration, ruthlessly hoping to take my mind away from
such things. I walked over to the phone and dialed the office, asking them to
send up a bit of wine. Natural sleep didn't seem an option tonight. I sighed,
and dialed the phone. A man's voice answered: "Hello?"
"Nathan?"
"I thought I wasn't going to hear from you again?" His voice was a bit playful,
but it was etched in worry.
I laughed lightly in the phone. Oh, how wonderful it felt to laugh, it was a
small release from today's tragedies. "Well, I figured that a life of solitude
wasn't the best answer. I imagine that you'd come looking for me anyway…"
He paused. When he spoke again, his voice took on a calm, soft tone, "So… how
have you been? This last few hours have been…" His
voice trailed off.
I debated what to say. Truth be told, I wasn't sure how I felt. Everything was
just too fucked up for comprehension. "I've been alright, I guess."
"I know what it's like. You just… you have to deal with it. It'll get better
after a while."
I laughed wickedly. It'll get better alright. Just as soon as I'm back in Liberty… there'll be hell
to pay.
"Listen, Chris… be careful. I know how you are. So I
think I know what you're gonna try and do. Be
careful. Don't do anything stupid."
"You assume that—" My words left me with his next
sentence:
"I'd die if anything happened to you. You know how much I still care for you."
Boy, did I know. After my wedding, he pulled me away from the crowd and told
me. He told me that he loved me. That he always had, and always would. But I
loved Joshua, my husband. Or… would 'ex-husband' would be more appropriate
now…?
"Uh... I have to go. I'll call you later, okay?" I didn't even give him a
chance to say goodbye before I softly hung up the phone. The wine had arrived,
so I poured a glass and sat down.
Nathan's tale was peculiar indeed. I'd known him most of my life. He was a
cousin, I guess you could say. His mother had a long-term relationship with my
crazy-as-shit uncle. Although she had Nathan before she met my uncle, Nathan
considered us his family. One day my uncle had a breakdown. He shot Nathan's
mom, and attempted to shoot Nathan. The cops had to gun him down. I was
fourteen when he came to live with us. He was sixteen. He was troubled. His
grasp on right and wrong wasn't like yours and mine. He had already ditched the
'black and white' theory. Everything was gray to him.
He knew the hard truths of the world at a young age.
My mother likes to blame him for the things I got into. It wasn't his fault
though. I already had one foot out the door by time he had arrived. Upon his
arrival, the only thing that changed was we did our crimes together. We joined
a gang. Vandalized a few things. Then we slowly started to move to bigger
things. Soon I was in the mafia. Nathan wasn't. He said that he didn't like the
idea of being controlled like that. I guess he knew all along. In the end, he
went his way, and I went my way. But even after our parting, it seemed that he
was always there. He was always watching over me.
Then I met Joshua.
He was an angel.
Joshua always had a small idea of my work and past. He never brought it up
though. Of course, Nathan wasn't too fond of him. He drifted away after I began
to see Josh. Everything was just peachy. We got married, had a little girl.
Good things don't always last, I guess.
Somewhere in my mind, something was scratching, clawing to the surface. It
reminded me of the bare truth. It reminded me that all of this was my fault.
The worst thing wasn't that they were gone – it was that I was why they were gone.
It's a terrible, terrible feeling.
I had killed my family.
The wine finally began to hit my system full force. Emotions came rushing
forward.
For once in a long time, I felt truly alone.
Babies don't sob as hard as I did.
… I will always love you…
Fin. – Ch.
2
- - -
Screaming at the
window
Watch me die another day
Hopeless situation
Endless price I'll have to pay
Diarrhea of a madman
Walk the line again today
Entries of confusion
Dear diary, I'm here to stay.
Sanity now and beyond me
I will always love you.
However long I stay
I will always love you.
Whatever words I say
I will always love you.
There's no choice.
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I'm hopeless
Voices in the darkness
Scream away my mental health
Can I ask a question
To help me save me from myself?
Sanity now and beyond me
I will always love you.
However long I stay
I will always love you.
Whatever words I say
I will always love you.
There's no choice.
I will always love you.
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I'm whole again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I'm whole again
I will always love you
There's no choice
-- "Lovesong" by Maynard from Tool