A/N Yeah writer's block! But I think I'm getting back on track! You all have been supper cool in your responses! (some odd but all good) There are some twists in this chapter! I hope it will reignite any lost interest!
Marissa woke up with a foreboding feeling. She couldn't quite place her surroundings, she had a feeling something was wrong but she couldn't remember what; she was still too asleep. She moved her arm and a sharp pain went screaming through her veins. She looked at the spot where the pain had originated and found an IV attached to her arm. She looked at her other hand and found another one.
Marissa searched the room and saw her father sitting on a chair at the end of the bed sleeping. Now she knew why this seemed so familiar, she was in the hospital again. She relaxed against the pillows starting to really wake up now, and suddenly wished she hadn't cleared the fog from her brain.
The events of earlier screamed through her head with a vivid accuracy that tore Marissa to the core. She started to scream as she pictured Trey between her legs, as she felt her body being violated, as she felt her heart being broken.
Marissa's screaming woke Jimmy and sent every nurse on the hall flying into her room. Marissa struggled like crazy beating her arms her legs. The nurses and Jimmy quickly restrained her.
Jimmy looked on sadly as he watched the hospital staff secured his oldest daughter and closest relative by sedating and strapping her to the bed. His heart knew no limitations of feelings when it came to his daughter, there were no boundaries that his love and affection resided in, she was the only family that had stood by him in his fall from grace. Now he only wished he could support her the way she had him.
Marissa lay pale and unresponsive in her bed. The last rays of the sun fell harshly across her immobilized face. The fading sun light was highlighting the blues purples yellows greens and reds marring her once flawlessly tanned skin. Her eye's stared unblinking at the light.
It had been little more then an hour since she had awoken. A little more then an hour since she had fought her demons; little more then and hour since the nurses had made her incapable of fighting.
The doctors had come through shortly after she was stable checking her stitches, checking for wounds newly inflicted. They say it's just temporary, that it is a natural reaction to such a tragedy but Jimmy can only think of how unnatural the whole situation is.
Kirsten walks into the room. Jimmy doesn't dare take his eyes off Marissa frightened she might fade farther from him. Jimmy knows its Kirsten by the distinctly expensive click of her heels and the romantic scent of her perfume. Even over the wrinkles, unwashed staleness, and oil that lay across her skin sprung from the sweat of worry and fear she had a faint lingering of romance and money. And only Kirsten was capable of retaining any sense or propriety though she had thought she abandoned it with the first terrifying phone call.
Kirsten walked silently into the room. Silently strode over to the side of Marissa's bed, the side her head hung limply towards coming to rest in front of Marissa's vacant eyes.
Kirsten stoked a bang out of Marissa's face noticing no changes in her expression or position. She noticed wetness on Marissa's check and a glistening in her eyes, her lifeless eyes. Kirsten placed a solid and gentle kiss to the top of Marissa's head.
Kirsten took note of the bruises, the swelling, the IV's, and the stitches. She had been told by Jimmy already of Marissa's condition. She had been told all about what had happened when she bled out and what the doctors had done to her. Kirsten scolded herself mentally the doctors had done everything for her; Trey was the one who did things to her.
She had come to her for so many reasons, there where so many motivations for each and every single step she took to reach Marissa. Ryan was the foundation for many of them though. He had sat silently since he woke up. He had sat silently since Seth had arrived. He had sat silently since he had found out about Marissa. He was as silent as a widower an orphan or a mute.
She wanted to be able to be honest when she looked into his eyes and tried to reassure him Marissa was fine. She wanted to see how bad Marissa was with her own eye's to see how long it would have to be before Ryan was able to see her. And it pained her to know that Ryan wasn't going to be able to see her anytime soon.
She couldn't allow Ryan to see Marissa in this condition. Ryan was too much of a protector, to much of a white knight to witness the rubble that Marissa had buried herself in. Ryan was to in love to see Marissa so comatose. The light that had shined so brightly in Marissa's eyes this morning was gone. And Kirsten knew that only Marissa could bring that light back.
Kirsten sat next to Jimmy in a chair and neither adult spoke a word. There was an impenetrable fog of heartache and permanence. The destruction that escaped Marissa's every pore flowed straight from her waking dreams stifling both adults.
Marissa stood on the beach at sunset. The sand was warm and spreading around her feet. The sun shown evenly while descending below the peaceful blue water; kissing the horizon like a yearning lover. She felt arms wrap around her from behind and she leaned into them tipping her head back against a solid wife beater clad chest.
"I remember the first time I saw you out here. Out here on the beach, just watching the waves. The colors the pinks the oranges the purples the blues seemed to be shining from your soul lighting the world for me, and for everyone." He said softly his mouth pressed into her neck his words caressing her skin with longing and passion.
There was an ache deep in her heart though. The words were sweet and promising but her body was preparing for something else. Part of her wanted to run to scream to detach herself from the love lapping at her like the waves kissing the sand but Ryan's grip was firm in its tenderness keeping her plastered against his form. She could feel his affection his regard and thoughtfulness. She could feel his love but something was wrong.
"I've loved you since I first saw you on your driveway. I was born to love you and I will die loving you." He finished squeezing her and placing a chaste but passionate kiss to her smooth neck.
That something never came though. Ryan just wrapped himself tighter around her trying to secure her trying to ease her pain. Marissa couldn't let it go though. She felt uneasy despite his touch.
The sun sank the last few inches behind the water yet the glow remained the same. The sun was still bright enough to illuminate their figures but soft and gentle. 'like his touch' she thought as the last rays warmed her skin.
She waited though, waited for the breeze the storm clouds him to pull away her to be taken away. She waited for the reason for her pain despite the perfection and romance of the moment. She just couldn't find it.
And as the moon rose, casting a pale glow on all that once shown so brightly a dawning in her mind made her simultaneously clutch and pull away from Ryan. She stood isolated from Ryan inches separating their body by holding his hand though her salvation was planted in his palm. The pain the uneasiness the grief had nothing to do with Ryan. Her pain resided solely within herself.
Ryan sat watching Seth and Sandy bicker over what to watch on TV. Kirsten had left to see Marissa what seemed like hours ago. But for him time had seemed to stop this morning. Seth had hardly looked at him since his arrival which Ryan took as a sign to the severity of his visible injuries.
He didn't care really about any of this though. He didn't care about himself, he cared about his family. His families both in heart and in blood were proving every day the inherent differences among them. Trey had in one morning, in one drunken fit of rage damaged the only perfection he had ever bore witness to; Marissa.
Ryan hated himself for thinking of Marissa as damaged, as hurt or used, as violated or broken. He loved her so much, loved her on a level he hadn't known he was capable of before he meet her, before he moved in with the Cohen's. But he was too much of a realist, to practical for even his own good. How could he deny that Marissa was changed, how could he deny that Marissa was different he didn't lie to people he couldn't start lying to himself.
As Ryan felt his eye's grow heavy he heard the familiar sound of Kirsten entering the room. The thought of news about Marissa combated the exhaustion and morphine leaving his senses heavy but alert. He took in Kirsten's hunched posture, sad eye's tear stained checks and felt the last solid part of his heart shred. Marissa is not okay.
Kirsten sat on the edge of Ryan's bed knowing that Ryan knew. She knew the whole room knew but she was Ryan and Seth's mother, Sandy's wife and needed to be there strength.
"It's gonna be hard." She whispered softly. She wasn't sure she had the strength to continue but she had to for Ryan. "She's been through more suffering then one child should ever have to bear." She paused again thinking again about just how young all these kids really were. How young was too young; ran through Kirsten's mind with a violence that caused her to visible shutter at the thought. "She's going to need time alone." She could see Ryan trying to shake his head but continued placing a stabilizing hand against Ryan's check. "You can't heal her! You can't become what she needs! She needs to find peace by herself if she is going to ever survive this. So support her love her listen to her but for her sake and yours do it from a distance. Don't become her crutch."
Before Ryan could respond there was a knock at his door. Ryan couldn't turn his head to look; Kirsten still held his head in her hands forcing him to look into her eyes begging him to understand the situation. Only when he heard a man clear his throat did Kirsten release him and was he allowed to get a look at the person standing by the door.
Ryan's eyes grew wide. In the door way stood his mother and AJ.
Summer practically ran through the halls of the ICU. She had gotten a message on her cell phone from Julie Cooper explaining Marissa was in the hospital in Chino and not doing so well. Summer had been panicked since then trying to get a hold of Seth or Ryan or Jimmy. She had nearly killed herself a thousand times driving up to Chino balancing fear grief panic driving and her cell phone.
As she skidded to a stop in front of Marissa's room she saw a sobering picture. Jimmy was crying in a chair by Marissa's bed. He wasn't hysterical he wasn't slobbering he was quiet with a steady trail of tears sliding down his checks. Marissa laid staring her head turned towards the windows barely moving to breathe. Summer saw all this and slowly backed up against the adjacent wall.
She could still see into the room as she slid down the wall coming to rest on the floor. She only lost sight of the room when her tears blurred her vision.
Julie sat outside the hospital in her car. It was time for her to go home. The sun was setting Caitlin was waiting unaware of recent events and the hospital wasn't going to let her in anyway.
Her heart was broken but the only outlet she could find for her pain was the rage she felt towards Ryan and Sandy. She blamed them both for her little girl's destruction. In her mind the loss of Marissa's innocents her virgin blood was splattered all over the hands of Ryan and Sandy.
Trash was her only echoing thought. Trash tainted my poor baby. Trash caused unthinkable violence and pain. Trash caused her baby to foolishly throw her life away. She could only hope this incident provided her with enough to finally take the garbage out.