Motherly
By: Brenna "Snakelady" Dawkins
A MASH fanfic
Rating: PG13 Disclaimer: 20th Century Fox owns the rights to MASH. I've made no profit from this fic.
Summary: Klinger and Houlihan deliver a baby on the front and are forced to reconcile their differences... temporarily.
(Authors note: My first MASH fic. No pairings in this... gasp! Probably a first for me. I'm a Klinger fan and noticed the lack of Klinger fics here and thought I'd do something about it. It also turned out a little differently then when I first started. Must admit, was nervous about writing it, but had fun with it when I started. Enjoy!)
Sparky was being unusually obnoxious that day. Radar was feeling the onset of irritation settle in from the operators antics. Why couldn't he just patch him through to I-Corp and let them know that the front was too close for comfort again? Couldn't the enemy ever get their lines straight? Sure a MASH was meant to be mobile, but they had set to ground here in the swamp after so many years and were loathe to relocate. Hawkeye had blasted through, headed towards Potters office complaining about what a damned nuisance war was and how could anyone get any work done? He had to agree.
"Come on, Sparky," Radar changed his tone into pleading this time. "If you want, I can send you over some fresh goats milk cheese. Homemade."
Sparky only made some lame excuse to which Radar blurted, "Colonels orders!"
And speak of the devil, an agitated Col. Potter, followed by an equally agitated Hawkeye Pierce, came to a dramatic halt in front of Radar's desk.
"Let me see the horn, son." Potter's kind words did not mask the dark mood at all.
Radar sat back as he listened to his Commander in Chief holler Sparky into submission. He tried not to eavesdrop, but it was difficult when the talker was not two feet away from you.
"To the front? But... that's dangerous." Radar, ever the innocent, even when he was dropped smack down in the middle of a war.
"Their medics are bogged down. In dire need of supplies." Potter told him as if it were the most sanest thing in the world.
"We can't afford to give up our best doctors." Radar replied worriedly.
"Well, WE don't have to worry about that, only I do." Potter said matter of factly. Radar knew not to ever argue with him when he's laid down the law as such. "Pierce, you, Honeycutt, Houlihan..." he paused, "and Klinger."
Which only got a grumbling response from the Corporal when he was told of the excursion. He hated this war practically more then anyone he had ever met and he was called to the front. Of course, it seemed that the front had found them once more and it wasn't as if he had to wander that far into unknown territory. It just galled him to think that he was called to ferry the officers to the front and act as a perfunctory nurse.
"I'm not even that good a nurse." He'd complain, a fact that Houlihan had staunchly agreed upon. "Why me?"
"Because I said so, that's why!" Potter growled in his usual way. Klinger was a good kid, just hard headed, he surmised. Always had to be reminded that there was only one way to go about things... his way, the army's way. To which Klinger could only meekly scurry about to accomplish the order.
Pierce was the most vocal about this situation. "Why not just paint the whole of Korea as a red ex and designate it as a war zone? That way, it'd be easy to find casualties!"
"Don't be so crass, Hawkeye." Major Houlihan complained, just as uptight and afraid of going to the front as the Captain, but she always handled things like fear in a manner that was as different as night and day to Captain Pierce.
"I'll be anyway I like," Hawkeye grumbled as he tossed the rest of the bags into the jeep.
Rizzo shoved a requisition order in front of the Major's face for the jeep. She signed with a scowl. "Bring it back in one piece. I remember the state of the last one you brought in." Rizzo bravely replied.
"So sorry about your precious jeep getting caught up in sniper fire. As to the occupants that were driving it, we'll be more considerate next time." Her voice was ice and Rizzo wisely backed off.
Klinger unhappily sat himself in the drivers seat as he was surrounded by his fellow officers. The mood was dark as they left the 4077th. "It better not snow before we get there." He complained and eyed those clouds warily. "Well, this is a fine day at the beach." Klinger said in his usual sarcastic way.
"I'd hate to see what the beaches must look like in Ohio." Captain Pierce shot back in ill humor.
Klinger snorted and the jeep jerked into gear and then lumbered down the long stretch of road with its four unhappy occupants. The usual idle chatter was conspicuously absent as they came ever closer to their ultimate destination. It did seem that the 4077th was just a stones throw from where all the action was.
They had to pass through a small village (in the loosest sense of the word) before they met up with the frontline medics. It consisted of a handful of hovels that lined the street and probably had more farm animals roaming it's property then people. But even so, the street seemed to be crowded with people. It was either run them over or stop, and Klinger opted to stop the jeep. The natives were pawing at the jeep and jabbering in their language plaintively.
"Think they're upset that the war was brought to their backdoor step?" B.J. asked.
Hawkeye fended off a woman who grabbed at his army jacket, "Either that, or they're hot for the best of the army's winter fatigue fashions."
"Klinger! Drive through!" The Major ordered as she tried to keep herself warm unsuccessfully in the open top jeep.
"They're in the way." Klinger insisted, reluctant to proceed.
"Oh for crying out loud!" Houlihan complained and stood in the jeep, she tried to shout at them to clear the road, but no one, it appeared, knew any English but them.
Hawkeye snorted, "Well, well, they don't understand English. How inconsiderate of the country we're occupying."
"Stuff it, Hawkeye!" The Major stormed and sat resolutely back in her seat.
"They definitely want something. From us." Klinger gripped onto the steering wheel to keep from being dragged out of the jeep.
"Maybe they want... us?" B.J. ventured as an older woman clutched after his med bag that he held in his lap.
The Major was exasperated, "We don't have time for this, we've got our orders!"
It was then that they heard a wailing from inside one of the nearby houses. That instigated a new sense of urgency with those who surrounded the jeep.
"That sounded pretty bad." Klinger and everyone in the jeep looked in the direction the wail came from.
Hawkeye impulsively leapt from the jeep with his med bag in hand and jogged to the house where the wailing had come from.
"Get back in here, Hawkeye!" Houlihan shouted feeling like she had lost control of a situation she never really had control of in the first place. "Dammit!" She swore then she, followed by B.J. and Klinger left the jeep to follow in Hawkeye's footsteps.
The scene in the hovel that greeted Major Houlihan's eyes was one she knew all too well. There was a very tiny and very pregnant Korean woman writhing on a straw mat on the floor. Scratch that, as the Major took a closer look. It wasn't a woman, she was just a kid. She exhaled and shook her head. She also recognized the signs.
"She's in labor and I have an idea there's no one here that knows a thing about midwifery." She told the men who surrounded her. She took liberty and felt the woman's bulging belly. She shook her head again, "It's a breech too. If someone doesn't assist her, she'll die. She's too young."
"I'll stay." Hawkeye offered.
But the Major had other ideas. "No. They need you on the front. I know more about this then you do, doctor. You three go on, I'll stay here."
But Pierce knew that it would be dangerous to leave her behind, what with the enemy so close by. "I'm not going to leave you here by yourself."
"You've got your orders, doctor." Houlihan was not going to budge from that hovel of a house. "You get those supplies and your ass to those that really need you on the lines. I'm needed more here then there."
"Then Klinger is going to stay here with you."
"Klinger?" Houlihan shouted in reproach.
Klinger blinked. Did this mean he didn't have to go to the front after all? He'd help deliver a thousand babies if it meant he'd never see that!
The Major was not going to have it though, "I don't need any Corporal mucking around a birthing!"
"Hey!" Klinger objected but was shushed by Pierce.
"It's Klinger or no go."
The two squared off at each other in typical fashion. One fire, one ice. A clash of the titans in most cases, Hawkeye fiery passionate and Houlihan coldly methodical. But Hawkeye was not going to back down. "Besides, you'll need someone to assist you who can understand English."
Houlihan had to admit that made sense. She was going to need assistance with something like a breech. It would be difficult to try to mime what she wanted from the villagers when she needed it right then. She cast a withering look at the meek young man who did his best to look placid. She sighed, at least he was wearing respectable army issue instead of those dresses her mother wouldn't even be caught dead in.
"Alright, Klinger stays." She finally agreed reluctantly.
Klinger inwardly sighed with relief. Things might just be looking up after all! "Okay, Major! Just tell me what you need and I'll get it!"
Houlihan rolled her eyes and cast Hawkeye a glance that said payback was to be expected at a later date. Hawkeye just shrugged and tossed her his med bag. "Good luck, Major. Come on, Beej."
"Now Klinger, don't let in any of those annoying Amway salesmen!" B.J. called after.
"Aye-aye, Dad!" Klinger shouted back.
"Can we have SOME semblance of order here?" Houlihan gruffly replied, irritated that she was saddled with the disreputable Corporal. The two Captains came back with extra supplies and two blankets.
"It's not much, but we have to save the rest of it for the front." Hawkeye was apologetic.
Houlihan waved him off, "That's fine. We'll make due. General Andrews is waiting for you and those supplies. Get."
To which Hawkeye amazingly just nodded and accepted mildly and with no contest.
The two doctors left them there surrounded by the villagers.
"Well, Major... what do you think we ought to do first?" Klinger asked.
"Well, first we have to make her as comfortable as we possibly can, though under these circumstances," she shivered at the cold biting her hands and exposed face., "and that means clearing out the riffraff."
So Klinger spent a good part of the afternoon shooing away all those who weren't even kin. Of course, this was made all the more difficult since no one but them spoke English. But soon only an old woman, an old man they assumed was the husband of the old woman, and another young woman were left in the hovel.
Klinger stood by anxiously as the young woman whimpered in evident pain beside him. A gust of wind blasted through the doorway. After so many winters there in Korea, Klinger could tell it was going to snow sometime before evening. He wished he had his nice, warm mink with him, but the Major had refused it coming onto the jeep. She said she was not going to be embarrassed nor have him distracting on the front. Besides, she had suggested that any flamboyance on the front would make him an easy target for the enemy. That argument, above anything else, made him decide that maybe blending in with everyone else as a unit wouldn't be such a bad idea. For now.
"Find something to cover that door." The Major ordered as she started to clear away things from the young woman and tried to prop her up to make her more comfortable.
"Sure thing, Major!" Klinger saluted her and then scurried about the hovel, hoping to find some sort of rug or something. There was nothing, no scarves, no rugs, no other reed mats (the laboring woman was on the only one). With an urgent pantomiming, he got the old woman to understand why he was procuring two, long kimono's. He managed to hang them both up as a make-shift windblock. It wasn't a very pleasing to look at, but it sorta worked. "Better then nothing." Klinger mumbled at the jury-rigged drapery.
The Major shoved some pots at him, "Fill these and set them to boiling. I wouldn't even let my dog drink the water in THIS village without boiling it first."
Klinger had to agree. The smaller the village, the worse the sanitary conditions it seemed. So he managed to get the old man to show him where the water source was... a failing creek several yards from the hovel. He filled the pots and set them to boiling as instructed. Then he hurried back to the Major's side and cringed as the very young woman let out another agonized wail. He noticed the Major was shivering but was trying vainly to hide it. He said nothing and gathered up one of the blankets Pierce had left them and arranged it over the Major's shoulders. She looked up, startled and said nothing, but her eyes had softened and a smile tugged at the edges of her mouth. His own butt was frozen already and his hands were aching with the cold. Their breath's were visible even with the makeshift door refusing the worst of the wind gusts.
Houlihan handed him a knife, "Sanitize this... just in case."
Klinger nodded. Once that chore was done, he saw the first flurries of snow begin to fall. 'Just great.' He thought and shivered again. His nose ran and his fingers didn't want to function properly from the cold. Irritated, he sniffed then brought the sanitized knife back to the Major and awaited more instructions.
"Now what?" He wanted to know.
Houlihan gave him a look, "Now, we wait."
"For how long?"
She shrugged, "Could be minutes, more likely hours." She tugged the blanket closer about her.
"All night?" Klinger sighed.
"And then some." The Major was very familiar with how demanding baby's were, both before and after their births. There was always that part of her that had regretted her missing out on that part of being a woman. But she had her career and that had been, at the time and still was, the most important thing to her. She couldn't imagine giving it up, ever.
They waited. And waited. And waited. The woman groaned and wailed and writhed. Klinger was very glad he wasn't a woman. It was one thing dressing up like one for earning a section 8 honorably, quite another to have a womb and all the things that came with THAT.
The snow fell more readily now. The sky was dark and Klinger wasn't feeling well at all. He felt a sweat form on his brow and his hands shook and he couldn't get warm, even when he drank a drought of that hot tea given to him by the old woman who went by the name Xi Yang had no lasting warming affects. He hid this from the Major best he could. She had her hands full enough, why make her work all the more difficult by telling her he felt he'd caught cold?
He was constantly in and out of the hovel. All through the night to fetch this, to sanitize that. The snow was relentless and his sinuses refused to cooperate. He sniffled again, annoyed that a nose as large as his could possibly get clogged.
"Klinger! Where are those rags?" The Major shouted at him.
"Coming, Major!" He shouted back and hastily tore a long length of cloth for the swaddling. He ran to Houlihan's side. "Is it time?"
"Very soon." Houlihan was all concentration as she bent to her task and tried to instruct the frightened young woman best she could. "Klinger, she's scared, hold her hand."
Klinger nodded and did as instructed. The girl took his hand, oblivious in her pain. She squeezed it and Klinger was amazed at the strength in such a tiny hand. His own seemed rubbery and useless with the cold. He had to wonder how the Major could keep her hands so ready in this weather. He didn't envy her.
Even with the young girl squeezing his hand like he was her only lifeline, it didn't seem to bring any warmth back into his fingers. But his heart went out to her pain-filled efforts. His eyes wandered to where the Major was positioned. Her head was down, intent and primed for the operation. If he didn't know any better, he'd have thought that she had zoned out and forgotten that the rest of them were even in the hovel with her. She loved her job that much. He wished he had a calling like that. Must be nice, to know what you wanted and get to do it for a living. The only sure thing he knew he wanted was to get out of Korea. And look at Major Burns, after all his own hard work, it was Burns who got the honor of leaving on almost a section 8 of his own. That and the fink h and the nerve to get promoted. It just wasn't fair!
Hours later, an excited exclamation from the Major roused Klinger from a light drowse. "It's coming?"
"Yes! Come here!" She ordered.
Klinger hesitated. "You... serious Major?"
"Yes!" Her voice was thick with annoyance.
Klinger was there, not used to being on this side of the situation one bit. He didn't want to see. Sure birth was a miracle, but did he really have to see all the grisly stuff that went along with it? "What do you want me to do?" He forced himself to say though he felt like he was going to fall flat on his face... but not because of what he was facing. God, he felt awful! The sight of blood wasn't going to help either.
"Just... if I need you, is all." Margaret instructed absently, intent on her business.
He hoped she didn't need him. He couldn't imagine what good he'd be to her. He wasn't trained to handle things like that. Did he also mention he felt like crap? He suppressed a sneeze. It wouldn't do the baby any good if he sneezed on the poor thing.
Then, he wasn't sure how much time had passed, but suddenly there was a screaming baby in the Major's arms. Thank God!
"Get me some of those rags, quick, Klinger!" The Major ordered.
But Klinger's head was swimming and he swayed as he went and did his best to follow orders.
"Klinger!" The Major's tone was tinged with the usual irritation that Klinger was all too familiar with. But he didn't respond. Annoyed and cradling the baby close to her, she turned to berate the Corporal then froze. Klinger was out cold, crumpled on the floor. "Klinger!" She swore to herself.
He felt groggy and cold. He moved and felt his movement restricted. It felt like something was wrapped around him. What was going on? Klinger wanted to know.
"Major?" He managed.
She shushed him and held him close to her. One of the blankets Hawkeye had left was covering them. The other, the baby was wrapped up in that one with it's mother. She was spooning an ailing Klinger.
"Major, this isn't very seemly." He was of that much presence of mind to remind her.
"Shut up, Klinger. I'll decide what's seemly and what isn't." The Major replied, toning down her usual harsh manner. Time passed. "Why didn't you tell me you were sick, Klinger?"
Was she talking to him? He took a moment to swim back to reality, yeah, she was. Oh yeah, "Um, you had enough to worry about."
The Major shook her head. "You NOT telling me cost me much more then if you had told me." She admonished him.
"Hey, I maybe nuts, but I'm not crazy." He murmured.
She couldn't help but smile. "Shut up and sleep, Klinger. I gave you an antibiotic shot. Just relax. I'm here to help you stay warm."
"The baby?"
"Is fine. Relax, Klinger. That's an order from your superior officer."
"Yes, Major."
She clung to him. He felt cold. His hands, distressingly so. She did her best to warm them. She maneuvered the both of them so that they were facing each other. Margaret still had a hold of his hands and shoved them up and under her shirt. She gasped as their coldness touched her flesh. Klinger may be a pervert of some sorts, but she would trust him in places she could never trust Hawkeye. She pressed them against her belly, covering them with her own. Frostbite was a worry that was always there in her mind. She'd do her best to make sure that would not happen. Even if that meant doing certain things that she wouldn't normally do with the young Corporal.
She felt him snuggle up to her if only to share her warmth. She knew well enough that it wasn't anything sexual. He needed her body warmth to stay alive. His whole body shivered violently and his teeth clattered, even though his jaws were clenched shut. His face was nuzzled against her neck. She could feel his warm breath against it, irregular and labored.
"Klinger, just stay with me, okay?" Margaret said worriedly. He was so still beside her. It frightened her. "Klinger?"
"Major?" His voice answered, in its weakened state.
She was relieved. "Stay with me."
A weak response. "Okay, Major."
Four days. Four days of huddling there in that God's forsaken hovel, trying to keep a mother, a newborn baby, and a familiar friendly face alive. It wore at her, but she could not give up. There was too much at stake. She had never been known for giving up. Being stubborn could be a Godsend at times.
She'd tried to get him to eat, a bit of rice, some hot broth, some tea, but he ate very little. She had a feeling he was only eating what he was just to please a ranking officer. If there was one thing that Klinger was, if not unsightly being unshaven in a nightgown, he was respectful of ranks, a little lesson two certain Captains could stand to learn. Speaking of said two Captains, she was worried. If anything had happened to them on the front lines, no one would know where she or Klinger was.
Finally, the squealing of familiar breaks alerted Houlihan out of her state of depression.
Suddenly her burden was relieved. She felt like rejoicing but had no energy to do so. Two doctors she knew too well moved into the hovel. She was curled up against an ailing Klinger. His body pressed against hers. They were wrapped up in one of the blankets Pierce had left.
"About time." She wearily retorted.
"Sorry we're late. We miss anything?" Hawkeye took in the situation soberly.
"Healthy baby boy." Margaret mumbled. "Can't keep him from suckling. Nice and strong. Surprisingly, so is his mother."
Hawkeye and B.J. both carried the ailing Klinger back to the jeep. Then helped a weary Houlihan to the jeep as well. They were never so glad to get back to the 4077th. Many days and many injections later, Klinger was feeling more like his old self. He was ordered to rest and keep to bed, which at times he was glad, and others, he felt annoyed with.
"I wanna get out of bed, sirs." Klinger retorted with irritation.
"You almost died of hypothermia, Klinger. Made worse by a head cold. No running around. No doing anything until we say okay." B.J. informed him critically.
Klinger laid back down. Well, it might be nice not to have to do anything for a while. But it sure was boring doing nothing. Soon enough though, he got a visitor. "Major." He acknowledged Margaret.
She smiled. "Corporal. You all right?"
He shrugged, "Been better, but I'll survive, looks like thanks to you."
"My job." She said matter-of-factly. She pushed away the feelings of friendship. She couldn't afford to be friends with the likes of Klinger. Klinger who strove to desert. Klinger who thumbed his nose at what an army was all about. Klinger, who didn't want to be there, who hampered her's and every one else's job. Klinger who made a mockery of all what she believed in. And yet, dammit... he was a friend. He challenged her, he made her wonder, he made her think things she shouldn't have to think about... like whether or not it was right to be in Korea at all. "My job."
A memory seemed to come back to Klinger, "You kept me warm."
Margaret was furious with herself that she blushed, "Yes. I didn't want to lose you."
Klinger couldn't help but smile, "Thanks, Major. I owe you one."
Houlihan smiled back, "You owe me a lot more then that. Like that red taffeta I've had my eye on."
"No way, Major. That's my best dress!" Klinger was of mind to object.
Her grin widened. That sounded a lot like the normal Klinger she knew. "Okay, what about the blue one?"
"We'll talk." Klinger's eyes collapsed as he fell back asleep.
No way would she ever repeat that exchange to anyone else. What had gone on between her and Klinger would solely remain theirs. She was human, he was human. But she was also an officer and she highly respected the separation between officer and enlisted men. This was highly irregular and she hated irregular.
So then, she spent her day making sure Klinger was as comfortable as he possibly could be in his unconscious state. Something to which she'd object to if she were cornered. But after hearing the baby screaming in her arms, after having to make certain a certain Corporal lived to see the next day, she knew that she belonged there, with those people at the 4077th.
The End
By: Brenna "Snakelady" Dawkins
A MASH fanfic
Rating: PG13 Disclaimer: 20th Century Fox owns the rights to MASH. I've made no profit from this fic.
Summary: Klinger and Houlihan deliver a baby on the front and are forced to reconcile their differences... temporarily.
(Authors note: My first MASH fic. No pairings in this... gasp! Probably a first for me. I'm a Klinger fan and noticed the lack of Klinger fics here and thought I'd do something about it. It also turned out a little differently then when I first started. Must admit, was nervous about writing it, but had fun with it when I started. Enjoy!)
Sparky was being unusually obnoxious that day. Radar was feeling the onset of irritation settle in from the operators antics. Why couldn't he just patch him through to I-Corp and let them know that the front was too close for comfort again? Couldn't the enemy ever get their lines straight? Sure a MASH was meant to be mobile, but they had set to ground here in the swamp after so many years and were loathe to relocate. Hawkeye had blasted through, headed towards Potters office complaining about what a damned nuisance war was and how could anyone get any work done? He had to agree.
"Come on, Sparky," Radar changed his tone into pleading this time. "If you want, I can send you over some fresh goats milk cheese. Homemade."
Sparky only made some lame excuse to which Radar blurted, "Colonels orders!"
And speak of the devil, an agitated Col. Potter, followed by an equally agitated Hawkeye Pierce, came to a dramatic halt in front of Radar's desk.
"Let me see the horn, son." Potter's kind words did not mask the dark mood at all.
Radar sat back as he listened to his Commander in Chief holler Sparky into submission. He tried not to eavesdrop, but it was difficult when the talker was not two feet away from you.
"To the front? But... that's dangerous." Radar, ever the innocent, even when he was dropped smack down in the middle of a war.
"Their medics are bogged down. In dire need of supplies." Potter told him as if it were the most sanest thing in the world.
"We can't afford to give up our best doctors." Radar replied worriedly.
"Well, WE don't have to worry about that, only I do." Potter said matter of factly. Radar knew not to ever argue with him when he's laid down the law as such. "Pierce, you, Honeycutt, Houlihan..." he paused, "and Klinger."
Which only got a grumbling response from the Corporal when he was told of the excursion. He hated this war practically more then anyone he had ever met and he was called to the front. Of course, it seemed that the front had found them once more and it wasn't as if he had to wander that far into unknown territory. It just galled him to think that he was called to ferry the officers to the front and act as a perfunctory nurse.
"I'm not even that good a nurse." He'd complain, a fact that Houlihan had staunchly agreed upon. "Why me?"
"Because I said so, that's why!" Potter growled in his usual way. Klinger was a good kid, just hard headed, he surmised. Always had to be reminded that there was only one way to go about things... his way, the army's way. To which Klinger could only meekly scurry about to accomplish the order.
Pierce was the most vocal about this situation. "Why not just paint the whole of Korea as a red ex and designate it as a war zone? That way, it'd be easy to find casualties!"
"Don't be so crass, Hawkeye." Major Houlihan complained, just as uptight and afraid of going to the front as the Captain, but she always handled things like fear in a manner that was as different as night and day to Captain Pierce.
"I'll be anyway I like," Hawkeye grumbled as he tossed the rest of the bags into the jeep.
Rizzo shoved a requisition order in front of the Major's face for the jeep. She signed with a scowl. "Bring it back in one piece. I remember the state of the last one you brought in." Rizzo bravely replied.
"So sorry about your precious jeep getting caught up in sniper fire. As to the occupants that were driving it, we'll be more considerate next time." Her voice was ice and Rizzo wisely backed off.
Klinger unhappily sat himself in the drivers seat as he was surrounded by his fellow officers. The mood was dark as they left the 4077th. "It better not snow before we get there." He complained and eyed those clouds warily. "Well, this is a fine day at the beach." Klinger said in his usual sarcastic way.
"I'd hate to see what the beaches must look like in Ohio." Captain Pierce shot back in ill humor.
Klinger snorted and the jeep jerked into gear and then lumbered down the long stretch of road with its four unhappy occupants. The usual idle chatter was conspicuously absent as they came ever closer to their ultimate destination. It did seem that the 4077th was just a stones throw from where all the action was.
They had to pass through a small village (in the loosest sense of the word) before they met up with the frontline medics. It consisted of a handful of hovels that lined the street and probably had more farm animals roaming it's property then people. But even so, the street seemed to be crowded with people. It was either run them over or stop, and Klinger opted to stop the jeep. The natives were pawing at the jeep and jabbering in their language plaintively.
"Think they're upset that the war was brought to their backdoor step?" B.J. asked.
Hawkeye fended off a woman who grabbed at his army jacket, "Either that, or they're hot for the best of the army's winter fatigue fashions."
"Klinger! Drive through!" The Major ordered as she tried to keep herself warm unsuccessfully in the open top jeep.
"They're in the way." Klinger insisted, reluctant to proceed.
"Oh for crying out loud!" Houlihan complained and stood in the jeep, she tried to shout at them to clear the road, but no one, it appeared, knew any English but them.
Hawkeye snorted, "Well, well, they don't understand English. How inconsiderate of the country we're occupying."
"Stuff it, Hawkeye!" The Major stormed and sat resolutely back in her seat.
"They definitely want something. From us." Klinger gripped onto the steering wheel to keep from being dragged out of the jeep.
"Maybe they want... us?" B.J. ventured as an older woman clutched after his med bag that he held in his lap.
The Major was exasperated, "We don't have time for this, we've got our orders!"
It was then that they heard a wailing from inside one of the nearby houses. That instigated a new sense of urgency with those who surrounded the jeep.
"That sounded pretty bad." Klinger and everyone in the jeep looked in the direction the wail came from.
Hawkeye impulsively leapt from the jeep with his med bag in hand and jogged to the house where the wailing had come from.
"Get back in here, Hawkeye!" Houlihan shouted feeling like she had lost control of a situation she never really had control of in the first place. "Dammit!" She swore then she, followed by B.J. and Klinger left the jeep to follow in Hawkeye's footsteps.
The scene in the hovel that greeted Major Houlihan's eyes was one she knew all too well. There was a very tiny and very pregnant Korean woman writhing on a straw mat on the floor. Scratch that, as the Major took a closer look. It wasn't a woman, she was just a kid. She exhaled and shook her head. She also recognized the signs.
"She's in labor and I have an idea there's no one here that knows a thing about midwifery." She told the men who surrounded her. She took liberty and felt the woman's bulging belly. She shook her head again, "It's a breech too. If someone doesn't assist her, she'll die. She's too young."
"I'll stay." Hawkeye offered.
But the Major had other ideas. "No. They need you on the front. I know more about this then you do, doctor. You three go on, I'll stay here."
But Pierce knew that it would be dangerous to leave her behind, what with the enemy so close by. "I'm not going to leave you here by yourself."
"You've got your orders, doctor." Houlihan was not going to budge from that hovel of a house. "You get those supplies and your ass to those that really need you on the lines. I'm needed more here then there."
"Then Klinger is going to stay here with you."
"Klinger?" Houlihan shouted in reproach.
Klinger blinked. Did this mean he didn't have to go to the front after all? He'd help deliver a thousand babies if it meant he'd never see that!
The Major was not going to have it though, "I don't need any Corporal mucking around a birthing!"
"Hey!" Klinger objected but was shushed by Pierce.
"It's Klinger or no go."
The two squared off at each other in typical fashion. One fire, one ice. A clash of the titans in most cases, Hawkeye fiery passionate and Houlihan coldly methodical. But Hawkeye was not going to back down. "Besides, you'll need someone to assist you who can understand English."
Houlihan had to admit that made sense. She was going to need assistance with something like a breech. It would be difficult to try to mime what she wanted from the villagers when she needed it right then. She cast a withering look at the meek young man who did his best to look placid. She sighed, at least he was wearing respectable army issue instead of those dresses her mother wouldn't even be caught dead in.
"Alright, Klinger stays." She finally agreed reluctantly.
Klinger inwardly sighed with relief. Things might just be looking up after all! "Okay, Major! Just tell me what you need and I'll get it!"
Houlihan rolled her eyes and cast Hawkeye a glance that said payback was to be expected at a later date. Hawkeye just shrugged and tossed her his med bag. "Good luck, Major. Come on, Beej."
"Now Klinger, don't let in any of those annoying Amway salesmen!" B.J. called after.
"Aye-aye, Dad!" Klinger shouted back.
"Can we have SOME semblance of order here?" Houlihan gruffly replied, irritated that she was saddled with the disreputable Corporal. The two Captains came back with extra supplies and two blankets.
"It's not much, but we have to save the rest of it for the front." Hawkeye was apologetic.
Houlihan waved him off, "That's fine. We'll make due. General Andrews is waiting for you and those supplies. Get."
To which Hawkeye amazingly just nodded and accepted mildly and with no contest.
The two doctors left them there surrounded by the villagers.
"Well, Major... what do you think we ought to do first?" Klinger asked.
"Well, first we have to make her as comfortable as we possibly can, though under these circumstances," she shivered at the cold biting her hands and exposed face., "and that means clearing out the riffraff."
So Klinger spent a good part of the afternoon shooing away all those who weren't even kin. Of course, this was made all the more difficult since no one but them spoke English. But soon only an old woman, an old man they assumed was the husband of the old woman, and another young woman were left in the hovel.
Klinger stood by anxiously as the young woman whimpered in evident pain beside him. A gust of wind blasted through the doorway. After so many winters there in Korea, Klinger could tell it was going to snow sometime before evening. He wished he had his nice, warm mink with him, but the Major had refused it coming onto the jeep. She said she was not going to be embarrassed nor have him distracting on the front. Besides, she had suggested that any flamboyance on the front would make him an easy target for the enemy. That argument, above anything else, made him decide that maybe blending in with everyone else as a unit wouldn't be such a bad idea. For now.
"Find something to cover that door." The Major ordered as she started to clear away things from the young woman and tried to prop her up to make her more comfortable.
"Sure thing, Major!" Klinger saluted her and then scurried about the hovel, hoping to find some sort of rug or something. There was nothing, no scarves, no rugs, no other reed mats (the laboring woman was on the only one). With an urgent pantomiming, he got the old woman to understand why he was procuring two, long kimono's. He managed to hang them both up as a make-shift windblock. It wasn't a very pleasing to look at, but it sorta worked. "Better then nothing." Klinger mumbled at the jury-rigged drapery.
The Major shoved some pots at him, "Fill these and set them to boiling. I wouldn't even let my dog drink the water in THIS village without boiling it first."
Klinger had to agree. The smaller the village, the worse the sanitary conditions it seemed. So he managed to get the old man to show him where the water source was... a failing creek several yards from the hovel. He filled the pots and set them to boiling as instructed. Then he hurried back to the Major's side and cringed as the very young woman let out another agonized wail. He noticed the Major was shivering but was trying vainly to hide it. He said nothing and gathered up one of the blankets Pierce had left them and arranged it over the Major's shoulders. She looked up, startled and said nothing, but her eyes had softened and a smile tugged at the edges of her mouth. His own butt was frozen already and his hands were aching with the cold. Their breath's were visible even with the makeshift door refusing the worst of the wind gusts.
Houlihan handed him a knife, "Sanitize this... just in case."
Klinger nodded. Once that chore was done, he saw the first flurries of snow begin to fall. 'Just great.' He thought and shivered again. His nose ran and his fingers didn't want to function properly from the cold. Irritated, he sniffed then brought the sanitized knife back to the Major and awaited more instructions.
"Now what?" He wanted to know.
Houlihan gave him a look, "Now, we wait."
"For how long?"
She shrugged, "Could be minutes, more likely hours." She tugged the blanket closer about her.
"All night?" Klinger sighed.
"And then some." The Major was very familiar with how demanding baby's were, both before and after their births. There was always that part of her that had regretted her missing out on that part of being a woman. But she had her career and that had been, at the time and still was, the most important thing to her. She couldn't imagine giving it up, ever.
They waited. And waited. And waited. The woman groaned and wailed and writhed. Klinger was very glad he wasn't a woman. It was one thing dressing up like one for earning a section 8 honorably, quite another to have a womb and all the things that came with THAT.
The snow fell more readily now. The sky was dark and Klinger wasn't feeling well at all. He felt a sweat form on his brow and his hands shook and he couldn't get warm, even when he drank a drought of that hot tea given to him by the old woman who went by the name Xi Yang had no lasting warming affects. He hid this from the Major best he could. She had her hands full enough, why make her work all the more difficult by telling her he felt he'd caught cold?
He was constantly in and out of the hovel. All through the night to fetch this, to sanitize that. The snow was relentless and his sinuses refused to cooperate. He sniffled again, annoyed that a nose as large as his could possibly get clogged.
"Klinger! Where are those rags?" The Major shouted at him.
"Coming, Major!" He shouted back and hastily tore a long length of cloth for the swaddling. He ran to Houlihan's side. "Is it time?"
"Very soon." Houlihan was all concentration as she bent to her task and tried to instruct the frightened young woman best she could. "Klinger, she's scared, hold her hand."
Klinger nodded and did as instructed. The girl took his hand, oblivious in her pain. She squeezed it and Klinger was amazed at the strength in such a tiny hand. His own seemed rubbery and useless with the cold. He had to wonder how the Major could keep her hands so ready in this weather. He didn't envy her.
Even with the young girl squeezing his hand like he was her only lifeline, it didn't seem to bring any warmth back into his fingers. But his heart went out to her pain-filled efforts. His eyes wandered to where the Major was positioned. Her head was down, intent and primed for the operation. If he didn't know any better, he'd have thought that she had zoned out and forgotten that the rest of them were even in the hovel with her. She loved her job that much. He wished he had a calling like that. Must be nice, to know what you wanted and get to do it for a living. The only sure thing he knew he wanted was to get out of Korea. And look at Major Burns, after all his own hard work, it was Burns who got the honor of leaving on almost a section 8 of his own. That and the fink h and the nerve to get promoted. It just wasn't fair!
Hours later, an excited exclamation from the Major roused Klinger from a light drowse. "It's coming?"
"Yes! Come here!" She ordered.
Klinger hesitated. "You... serious Major?"
"Yes!" Her voice was thick with annoyance.
Klinger was there, not used to being on this side of the situation one bit. He didn't want to see. Sure birth was a miracle, but did he really have to see all the grisly stuff that went along with it? "What do you want me to do?" He forced himself to say though he felt like he was going to fall flat on his face... but not because of what he was facing. God, he felt awful! The sight of blood wasn't going to help either.
"Just... if I need you, is all." Margaret instructed absently, intent on her business.
He hoped she didn't need him. He couldn't imagine what good he'd be to her. He wasn't trained to handle things like that. Did he also mention he felt like crap? He suppressed a sneeze. It wouldn't do the baby any good if he sneezed on the poor thing.
Then, he wasn't sure how much time had passed, but suddenly there was a screaming baby in the Major's arms. Thank God!
"Get me some of those rags, quick, Klinger!" The Major ordered.
But Klinger's head was swimming and he swayed as he went and did his best to follow orders.
"Klinger!" The Major's tone was tinged with the usual irritation that Klinger was all too familiar with. But he didn't respond. Annoyed and cradling the baby close to her, she turned to berate the Corporal then froze. Klinger was out cold, crumpled on the floor. "Klinger!" She swore to herself.
He felt groggy and cold. He moved and felt his movement restricted. It felt like something was wrapped around him. What was going on? Klinger wanted to know.
"Major?" He managed.
She shushed him and held him close to her. One of the blankets Hawkeye had left was covering them. The other, the baby was wrapped up in that one with it's mother. She was spooning an ailing Klinger.
"Major, this isn't very seemly." He was of that much presence of mind to remind her.
"Shut up, Klinger. I'll decide what's seemly and what isn't." The Major replied, toning down her usual harsh manner. Time passed. "Why didn't you tell me you were sick, Klinger?"
Was she talking to him? He took a moment to swim back to reality, yeah, she was. Oh yeah, "Um, you had enough to worry about."
The Major shook her head. "You NOT telling me cost me much more then if you had told me." She admonished him.
"Hey, I maybe nuts, but I'm not crazy." He murmured.
She couldn't help but smile. "Shut up and sleep, Klinger. I gave you an antibiotic shot. Just relax. I'm here to help you stay warm."
"The baby?"
"Is fine. Relax, Klinger. That's an order from your superior officer."
"Yes, Major."
She clung to him. He felt cold. His hands, distressingly so. She did her best to warm them. She maneuvered the both of them so that they were facing each other. Margaret still had a hold of his hands and shoved them up and under her shirt. She gasped as their coldness touched her flesh. Klinger may be a pervert of some sorts, but she would trust him in places she could never trust Hawkeye. She pressed them against her belly, covering them with her own. Frostbite was a worry that was always there in her mind. She'd do her best to make sure that would not happen. Even if that meant doing certain things that she wouldn't normally do with the young Corporal.
She felt him snuggle up to her if only to share her warmth. She knew well enough that it wasn't anything sexual. He needed her body warmth to stay alive. His whole body shivered violently and his teeth clattered, even though his jaws were clenched shut. His face was nuzzled against her neck. She could feel his warm breath against it, irregular and labored.
"Klinger, just stay with me, okay?" Margaret said worriedly. He was so still beside her. It frightened her. "Klinger?"
"Major?" His voice answered, in its weakened state.
She was relieved. "Stay with me."
A weak response. "Okay, Major."
Four days. Four days of huddling there in that God's forsaken hovel, trying to keep a mother, a newborn baby, and a familiar friendly face alive. It wore at her, but she could not give up. There was too much at stake. She had never been known for giving up. Being stubborn could be a Godsend at times.
She'd tried to get him to eat, a bit of rice, some hot broth, some tea, but he ate very little. She had a feeling he was only eating what he was just to please a ranking officer. If there was one thing that Klinger was, if not unsightly being unshaven in a nightgown, he was respectful of ranks, a little lesson two certain Captains could stand to learn. Speaking of said two Captains, she was worried. If anything had happened to them on the front lines, no one would know where she or Klinger was.
Finally, the squealing of familiar breaks alerted Houlihan out of her state of depression.
Suddenly her burden was relieved. She felt like rejoicing but had no energy to do so. Two doctors she knew too well moved into the hovel. She was curled up against an ailing Klinger. His body pressed against hers. They were wrapped up in one of the blankets Pierce had left.
"About time." She wearily retorted.
"Sorry we're late. We miss anything?" Hawkeye took in the situation soberly.
"Healthy baby boy." Margaret mumbled. "Can't keep him from suckling. Nice and strong. Surprisingly, so is his mother."
Hawkeye and B.J. both carried the ailing Klinger back to the jeep. Then helped a weary Houlihan to the jeep as well. They were never so glad to get back to the 4077th. Many days and many injections later, Klinger was feeling more like his old self. He was ordered to rest and keep to bed, which at times he was glad, and others, he felt annoyed with.
"I wanna get out of bed, sirs." Klinger retorted with irritation.
"You almost died of hypothermia, Klinger. Made worse by a head cold. No running around. No doing anything until we say okay." B.J. informed him critically.
Klinger laid back down. Well, it might be nice not to have to do anything for a while. But it sure was boring doing nothing. Soon enough though, he got a visitor. "Major." He acknowledged Margaret.
She smiled. "Corporal. You all right?"
He shrugged, "Been better, but I'll survive, looks like thanks to you."
"My job." She said matter-of-factly. She pushed away the feelings of friendship. She couldn't afford to be friends with the likes of Klinger. Klinger who strove to desert. Klinger who thumbed his nose at what an army was all about. Klinger, who didn't want to be there, who hampered her's and every one else's job. Klinger who made a mockery of all what she believed in. And yet, dammit... he was a friend. He challenged her, he made her wonder, he made her think things she shouldn't have to think about... like whether or not it was right to be in Korea at all. "My job."
A memory seemed to come back to Klinger, "You kept me warm."
Margaret was furious with herself that she blushed, "Yes. I didn't want to lose you."
Klinger couldn't help but smile, "Thanks, Major. I owe you one."
Houlihan smiled back, "You owe me a lot more then that. Like that red taffeta I've had my eye on."
"No way, Major. That's my best dress!" Klinger was of mind to object.
Her grin widened. That sounded a lot like the normal Klinger she knew. "Okay, what about the blue one?"
"We'll talk." Klinger's eyes collapsed as he fell back asleep.
No way would she ever repeat that exchange to anyone else. What had gone on between her and Klinger would solely remain theirs. She was human, he was human. But she was also an officer and she highly respected the separation between officer and enlisted men. This was highly irregular and she hated irregular.
So then, she spent her day making sure Klinger was as comfortable as he possibly could be in his unconscious state. Something to which she'd object to if she were cornered. But after hearing the baby screaming in her arms, after having to make certain a certain Corporal lived to see the next day, she knew that she belonged there, with those people at the 4077th.
The End