(Note from the author: These are not my characters, my world, or my
situations. They all belong to J. K. Rowling, and are protected by
copyrights.)
(Note to readers under 13: Again, here's another transformation. And good to say, the last real detailed one. So please do not continue with this chapter if you don't like violence, etc. You guys know the drill. It's PG- 13.)
The next days passed quickly. Everyone was on ends about Remus's first transformation in the Headquarters. They knew that unless they wanted Moody to find out that they were unregistered Animagi (which wasn't an ideal scenario), they couldn't accompany him anymore.
Remus seemed quieter. Ever since the night in which Lily had found out about their secret, he had been detached from the rest of the group. Sirius remembered Moody's comment about his poker face, and now he had to agree with the old git. Remus had been the calmest of all of them during the forest episode, and now he hardly talked to anyone.
James knew that it was the impending moon. One night, he had been in charge of telling the other four to get up and get downstairs for dinner, and he had found Remus on his bed, holding that music box that June had given him.
The music had been playing, and Remus had his eyes shut, soaking in the notes.
"Moony, you okay?" James had asked.
Remus shot up, and quickly hid the music box under his pillow. His face was flushed and he fixed his shirt collar.
"James . . ."
"You feeling all right?" he had asked, and Remus had just swallowed hard and nodded.
"Yeah, I'll be fine."
But he hadn't looked fine. His face was calm. It was like there was a wall in front of him, shutting James out. James cleared his throat, and uneasily said, "Well, dinner's ready if you're hungry."
Remus nodded again, "I'll be down in a minute."
Remus had changed so much ever since James had met him. He had become stronger, more resilient against the world.
Harder.
Stronger.
And yet, James knew that the scared little mousy boy that he had met during their tutoring lesson still lived, under the skin of this soldier and in the heart of the man that stood before him.
It pained him to see Remus acting like this. The calmness in his tone and actions were unnerving to everyone. It seemed that he was going to explode at any moment. But Moody respected it, and Remus quickly became one of his favorite pupils.
"Very good, Lupin!" he commented as Remus threw Peter across the room during one of their lessons.
As for James himself, he was torn. He remembered Lily's lie to Crouch. Why would she have said such a thing? Even if she had been trying to help him, it had just brought up a lot of questions.
He felt as if his life was being cut short. Six months ago, when they were sitting around Sirius's table at Christmas, he thought that he was going to have a normal life. He thought that he would marry when he was twenty five, have a child at thirty, retire from Quidditch at fifty, and die at seventy.
Now it was looking like these life goals would have to be condensed.
Of course he wasn't going to die . . . it would be silly to think that he was going to die . . .
But Voldemort had promised him that he would.
All of this ran through his head nonstop the next few days as he tried to listen to Moody in his training sessions. It was useless, though.
The night of the full moon came, and Remus quietly walked into his room like he was walking the last mile. His eyes were set. His jaw was clenched. And he didn't look at any of his four friends, following him into the room.
"Now remember," Peter said, "I might be able to fit through the door if you need help."
Remus nodded.
"And I'll come in if you need help," Peter said, "Just as long as you don't eat me."
Remus nodded again.
James looked at the room. They had taken precautions this time. All sharper objects had been placed out of sight, and the bed and dresser had magically been relocated to a different room. The only thing left was the music box, sitting in the middle of the bare floor, glistening in the sunset's rays. Remus gave out a deep breath, and then looked to the others.
"He's not going to laugh at me again," he said quietly, and all of them pretended to understand what he was talking about.
"You ready?" James asked, ushering their friends out. Remus, his back turned to him, nodded as he stared out of his small window to the house next door. The sunset was mirrored in the glass of their window. It was almost lowered all the way. It wouldn't be long until the moon would take its place.
"Yes," he said, and then James shut the door quietly. He locked it tight, and then joined Lily, Peter, and Sirius on the floor outside of the room. None of them would be sleeping tonight. They were going to be there for him.
The story of Jonathon June kept running through James's head, and he gulped. Lily took his hand, and tried to smile. They were together again. Normal. No more talk of marriage or future. Just this one moment.
It was an adventure.
Remus was alone again. No one could help him now.
It was time.
He had been planning for this night for a month now. He was going to meet the wolf again. And he was going to conquer it.
The music box lay in front of him as he sat down next to it, the light from outside hitting his body. He was ready.
He was ready for that monster.
It seemed like hours passing in the few minutes that it took for the sun to disappear, the sky to grow purple, and then to black. And then for the moon to shine.
The reflection of the moon hit their neighbor's window, and then found it's way through Remus's window.
And then it hit him.
His body tensed. All of the muscles were changing. All of the instincts were leaving, and being replaced. He had been through this countless of times before. He had been through this every month for the past fourteen years. But he was not afraid. He was ready this time.
With his transforming hand, he opened the lid to the music box, and the song came seeping out.
"Les etoiles brillent," he muttered to himself as his arms shook, and his neck twisted, "En le ciel. Les . . . les etoiles . . . brillent . . ."
He fell to the ground, his abdomen convulsing. He arched his back, in pain as his nails turned to claws, and his nose to a muzzle.
"Ils brillent . . ." he stammered through his clenched teeth. Fight it! Fight it! The wolf does not control you! The wolf does not . . .
The wolf was back.
And he was laughing.
He was laughing at Remus as Remus transformed into him. As Remus's thoughts went from the music box to blood.
There was so much blood outside his door. If he could just break the door down .
"Ils brillent sur les soldats dormant!" Remus cried before his voice changed. The music box continued playing as the man was fully transformed into a wolf.
And stood on his now four legs.
The wolf reigned again.
The wolf reigned always.
The wolf was laughing.
Blood.
Knock the door down.
Knock that damn door down, Remus.
Knock it down and get to them.
Les . . . les etoiles . . . les etoiles . . .
No stars can help you now, Remus, the wolf laughed, For I am the moon. And I control the stars.
And then the wolf opened his eyes. The fight was over. The wolf had won.
He scanned the room for something to eat. Something to bite. Something to kill . ..
Blood!
If only he could get outside the door.
He was the wolf. Of course he could get outside the door.
He ran to the door, leaped, and rammed into it. A scream came from the other side.
"I'm going in," Peter's voice came.
Peter!
Remus then opened his eyes, and saw the wolf charging for the door again.
NO! he cried, and threw the wolf down onto the floor.
They lay there, in a heap, and the wolf glared at him.
DIE! The wolf screamed, and threw Remus back into darkness.
The wolf then turned back, and dangerously lunged at the door again.
NO! Remus screamed again, resurfacing in his mind. The wolf growled, and bit him.
"AAAOOOO!!!"
Lily gasped, "We have to do something!"
"No," James said, "He's got to do it by himself this time."
Remus heard their voices. He couldn't let the wolf get to them! He couldn't let him kill them!
Blood.
BLOOOD!
I WILL NOT DIE! Remus screamed as he slammed the wolf against the wall again.
GET OFF OF ME! The wolf screamed back, YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL! I AM IN CONTROL! I AM THE WOLF! YOU ARE THE BOY!
I WILL NOT DIE! Remus cried out again. The music box was still chiming. He was holding onto the notes. Every single sound it made was a memory . a recollection of that boy's life. Remus Lupin was a real person. Remus Lupin existed. He was a brown haired . taller .
Remus Lupin is dead, the wolf snarled, and lunged for the door again.
Remus grabbed the wolf by the throat, and felt an insinuating pain hit him under his chin. He yelped, and the wolf smiled.
You are weak, he said, and kicked him.
Remus howled, and skidded across the floor, along with the wolf.
You are dead to me, the wolf said again, and dug his teeth into his side.
Remus screamed, and went limp. And the wolf laughed.
He laughed again.
He laughed long and hard.
I will not die, Remus choked from his position on the floor. The wolf didn't hear him.
The wolf was in control now. Their body stood once again, and made its way across the room. Not to the door this time, but in the opposite direction.
To the music box.
No! Remus howled, No! Please!
The wolf took the box in his jaws, and Remus could feel the metal bend under his teeth. The small treasure become ripped apart as he and the wolf destroyed . . . mutilated it.
And Remus couldn't stop him.
The wolf was becoming smarter. He was becoming stronger.
And Remus couldn't stop him.
You fool, the wolf snarled, throwing the remnants of the music box aside, You complete fool! You've trained for a month so you could kill me! And now look at you! You're dead!
And then the wolf ran back towards the door, and thrust his collar bone into the wood. It shook. Another scream from outside.
Lily.
Lily was out there.
He couldn't let the wolf get her .
But Remus was too weak. He couldn't think anymore.
And as the full moon drew higher in the sky, and hit his back, the wolf submerged from the waters of his mind, and Remus drowned.
Remus died.
And the wolf remained.
Laughing yet again.
Remus hadn't opened the door for them that morning. He hadn't stirred. He had been totally silent since one o' clock. They were all preparing to see the sight that they had seen in the pantry. Him, sprawled out in the floor, unconscious.
James pounded his fist on the door, "You in there, Moony?"
No answer.
"Oh, geroff," Sirius said, pushing him out of the way, and tapping his wand to the knob, "Alohomora."
The door swung open, and they all piled inside, one after another. They scanned the room, trying to find Remus's lifeless body.
They found it. In the corner.
But it wasn't lifeless.
He was sitting upright, his arms on his knees, knees to his chest, back to the wall. And he was staring in concentration to the thin air in front of him. His body was scratched, and there was a large gash on his neck. Yet it seemed as if he didn't feel any pain. Well, none physically anyway.
He didn't acknowledge his friends as they made their way to him. His face was expressionless, but James could tell that he was trying not to cry. His eyes were glazed over, and almost dead. His face was rigid, as if he had just been through a painful ordeal.
Sirius held out a hand to him to try to help him up, but Remus didn't take it.
"Moony?" Sirius said, cocking his head like a dog looking at something curiously.
"Leave me alone," Remus said in a monotone voice.
Sirius looked back to James, and then shrugged, "He's lost it. Finally, he's lost it."
"Shut up and leave me alone," Remus said, darting his eyes to Sirius.
Sirius looked like he was about to deck him for telling him to shut up, but he knew better. James led his friend out, and Lily and Peter continued to stare at him.
"Are you sure you're all right?" Peter asked.
"Just go," Remus turned away, to look outside the window. It was a beautiful day. Twenty eight more days until the wolf returned.
The wolf had beaten him again.
Lily's eye caught a glimpse of something on the floor, sparkling in the sunlight. She walked to it, and picked it up.
"It's your music box," she said, looking at the disfigured object. Large teeth marks could be seen, bit into the moon engraving. The words on the top of the lid had been clawed off, and they couldn't be read anymore.
"Did you do this, Remus?" Lily asked, turning to face him again. Remus didn't say anything.
"You really should get that gash looked at," Peter said, "I heard Moody's great with healing. Come on, we'll go get that patched up . . ."
"Can you two please just leave," Remus said, almost above a whisper.
Lily looked to Peter, and motioned for the door. Peter shook his head, and knelt down by his friend.
"Moony, are you . . ."
"Go. Away," Remus said, his voice becoming stronger.
Peter blinked in surprise, and then stood to join Lily on her trek out of the door. Lily placed the music box on the floor, and continued out behind him.
She shut the door as she entered the hallway.
Remus didn't talk much after that day. Slowly, his weak smiles returned and his wry sense of humor came back, but he was never the same. The little boy had dug himself farther into his heart, and was hardly recognizable now.
Remus thought. He didn't talk. He knew what he was going to do before he did it. He had everything planned out perfectly before attacking it.
In other words, he had become the exact opposite of Sirius.
He never endangered anyone again. Whenever Peter would offer to turn into a rat to accompany him, he would protest. Whenever any one of them wanted to be anywhere near him during his transformations, he would always argue with them to stay as far away as they could.
No one asked what happened that night, there between him and his curse. No one wanted to know. They had heard the screams and howls from inside the room. That's all they needed to know.
Remus Lupin had been defeated by the wolf, once again.
(Note to readers under 13: Again, here's another transformation. And good to say, the last real detailed one. So please do not continue with this chapter if you don't like violence, etc. You guys know the drill. It's PG- 13.)
The next days passed quickly. Everyone was on ends about Remus's first transformation in the Headquarters. They knew that unless they wanted Moody to find out that they were unregistered Animagi (which wasn't an ideal scenario), they couldn't accompany him anymore.
Remus seemed quieter. Ever since the night in which Lily had found out about their secret, he had been detached from the rest of the group. Sirius remembered Moody's comment about his poker face, and now he had to agree with the old git. Remus had been the calmest of all of them during the forest episode, and now he hardly talked to anyone.
James knew that it was the impending moon. One night, he had been in charge of telling the other four to get up and get downstairs for dinner, and he had found Remus on his bed, holding that music box that June had given him.
The music had been playing, and Remus had his eyes shut, soaking in the notes.
"Moony, you okay?" James had asked.
Remus shot up, and quickly hid the music box under his pillow. His face was flushed and he fixed his shirt collar.
"James . . ."
"You feeling all right?" he had asked, and Remus had just swallowed hard and nodded.
"Yeah, I'll be fine."
But he hadn't looked fine. His face was calm. It was like there was a wall in front of him, shutting James out. James cleared his throat, and uneasily said, "Well, dinner's ready if you're hungry."
Remus nodded again, "I'll be down in a minute."
Remus had changed so much ever since James had met him. He had become stronger, more resilient against the world.
Harder.
Stronger.
And yet, James knew that the scared little mousy boy that he had met during their tutoring lesson still lived, under the skin of this soldier and in the heart of the man that stood before him.
It pained him to see Remus acting like this. The calmness in his tone and actions were unnerving to everyone. It seemed that he was going to explode at any moment. But Moody respected it, and Remus quickly became one of his favorite pupils.
"Very good, Lupin!" he commented as Remus threw Peter across the room during one of their lessons.
As for James himself, he was torn. He remembered Lily's lie to Crouch. Why would she have said such a thing? Even if she had been trying to help him, it had just brought up a lot of questions.
He felt as if his life was being cut short. Six months ago, when they were sitting around Sirius's table at Christmas, he thought that he was going to have a normal life. He thought that he would marry when he was twenty five, have a child at thirty, retire from Quidditch at fifty, and die at seventy.
Now it was looking like these life goals would have to be condensed.
Of course he wasn't going to die . . . it would be silly to think that he was going to die . . .
But Voldemort had promised him that he would.
All of this ran through his head nonstop the next few days as he tried to listen to Moody in his training sessions. It was useless, though.
The night of the full moon came, and Remus quietly walked into his room like he was walking the last mile. His eyes were set. His jaw was clenched. And he didn't look at any of his four friends, following him into the room.
"Now remember," Peter said, "I might be able to fit through the door if you need help."
Remus nodded.
"And I'll come in if you need help," Peter said, "Just as long as you don't eat me."
Remus nodded again.
James looked at the room. They had taken precautions this time. All sharper objects had been placed out of sight, and the bed and dresser had magically been relocated to a different room. The only thing left was the music box, sitting in the middle of the bare floor, glistening in the sunset's rays. Remus gave out a deep breath, and then looked to the others.
"He's not going to laugh at me again," he said quietly, and all of them pretended to understand what he was talking about.
"You ready?" James asked, ushering their friends out. Remus, his back turned to him, nodded as he stared out of his small window to the house next door. The sunset was mirrored in the glass of their window. It was almost lowered all the way. It wouldn't be long until the moon would take its place.
"Yes," he said, and then James shut the door quietly. He locked it tight, and then joined Lily, Peter, and Sirius on the floor outside of the room. None of them would be sleeping tonight. They were going to be there for him.
The story of Jonathon June kept running through James's head, and he gulped. Lily took his hand, and tried to smile. They were together again. Normal. No more talk of marriage or future. Just this one moment.
It was an adventure.
Remus was alone again. No one could help him now.
It was time.
He had been planning for this night for a month now. He was going to meet the wolf again. And he was going to conquer it.
The music box lay in front of him as he sat down next to it, the light from outside hitting his body. He was ready.
He was ready for that monster.
It seemed like hours passing in the few minutes that it took for the sun to disappear, the sky to grow purple, and then to black. And then for the moon to shine.
The reflection of the moon hit their neighbor's window, and then found it's way through Remus's window.
And then it hit him.
His body tensed. All of the muscles were changing. All of the instincts were leaving, and being replaced. He had been through this countless of times before. He had been through this every month for the past fourteen years. But he was not afraid. He was ready this time.
With his transforming hand, he opened the lid to the music box, and the song came seeping out.
"Les etoiles brillent," he muttered to himself as his arms shook, and his neck twisted, "En le ciel. Les . . . les etoiles . . . brillent . . ."
He fell to the ground, his abdomen convulsing. He arched his back, in pain as his nails turned to claws, and his nose to a muzzle.
"Ils brillent . . ." he stammered through his clenched teeth. Fight it! Fight it! The wolf does not control you! The wolf does not . . .
The wolf was back.
And he was laughing.
He was laughing at Remus as Remus transformed into him. As Remus's thoughts went from the music box to blood.
There was so much blood outside his door. If he could just break the door down .
"Ils brillent sur les soldats dormant!" Remus cried before his voice changed. The music box continued playing as the man was fully transformed into a wolf.
And stood on his now four legs.
The wolf reigned again.
The wolf reigned always.
The wolf was laughing.
Blood.
Knock the door down.
Knock that damn door down, Remus.
Knock it down and get to them.
Les . . . les etoiles . . . les etoiles . . .
No stars can help you now, Remus, the wolf laughed, For I am the moon. And I control the stars.
And then the wolf opened his eyes. The fight was over. The wolf had won.
He scanned the room for something to eat. Something to bite. Something to kill . ..
Blood!
If only he could get outside the door.
He was the wolf. Of course he could get outside the door.
He ran to the door, leaped, and rammed into it. A scream came from the other side.
"I'm going in," Peter's voice came.
Peter!
Remus then opened his eyes, and saw the wolf charging for the door again.
NO! he cried, and threw the wolf down onto the floor.
They lay there, in a heap, and the wolf glared at him.
DIE! The wolf screamed, and threw Remus back into darkness.
The wolf then turned back, and dangerously lunged at the door again.
NO! Remus screamed again, resurfacing in his mind. The wolf growled, and bit him.
"AAAOOOO!!!"
Lily gasped, "We have to do something!"
"No," James said, "He's got to do it by himself this time."
Remus heard their voices. He couldn't let the wolf get to them! He couldn't let him kill them!
Blood.
BLOOOD!
I WILL NOT DIE! Remus screamed as he slammed the wolf against the wall again.
GET OFF OF ME! The wolf screamed back, YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL! I AM IN CONTROL! I AM THE WOLF! YOU ARE THE BOY!
I WILL NOT DIE! Remus cried out again. The music box was still chiming. He was holding onto the notes. Every single sound it made was a memory . a recollection of that boy's life. Remus Lupin was a real person. Remus Lupin existed. He was a brown haired . taller .
Remus Lupin is dead, the wolf snarled, and lunged for the door again.
Remus grabbed the wolf by the throat, and felt an insinuating pain hit him under his chin. He yelped, and the wolf smiled.
You are weak, he said, and kicked him.
Remus howled, and skidded across the floor, along with the wolf.
You are dead to me, the wolf said again, and dug his teeth into his side.
Remus screamed, and went limp. And the wolf laughed.
He laughed again.
He laughed long and hard.
I will not die, Remus choked from his position on the floor. The wolf didn't hear him.
The wolf was in control now. Their body stood once again, and made its way across the room. Not to the door this time, but in the opposite direction.
To the music box.
No! Remus howled, No! Please!
The wolf took the box in his jaws, and Remus could feel the metal bend under his teeth. The small treasure become ripped apart as he and the wolf destroyed . . . mutilated it.
And Remus couldn't stop him.
The wolf was becoming smarter. He was becoming stronger.
And Remus couldn't stop him.
You fool, the wolf snarled, throwing the remnants of the music box aside, You complete fool! You've trained for a month so you could kill me! And now look at you! You're dead!
And then the wolf ran back towards the door, and thrust his collar bone into the wood. It shook. Another scream from outside.
Lily.
Lily was out there.
He couldn't let the wolf get her .
But Remus was too weak. He couldn't think anymore.
And as the full moon drew higher in the sky, and hit his back, the wolf submerged from the waters of his mind, and Remus drowned.
Remus died.
And the wolf remained.
Laughing yet again.
Remus hadn't opened the door for them that morning. He hadn't stirred. He had been totally silent since one o' clock. They were all preparing to see the sight that they had seen in the pantry. Him, sprawled out in the floor, unconscious.
James pounded his fist on the door, "You in there, Moony?"
No answer.
"Oh, geroff," Sirius said, pushing him out of the way, and tapping his wand to the knob, "Alohomora."
The door swung open, and they all piled inside, one after another. They scanned the room, trying to find Remus's lifeless body.
They found it. In the corner.
But it wasn't lifeless.
He was sitting upright, his arms on his knees, knees to his chest, back to the wall. And he was staring in concentration to the thin air in front of him. His body was scratched, and there was a large gash on his neck. Yet it seemed as if he didn't feel any pain. Well, none physically anyway.
He didn't acknowledge his friends as they made their way to him. His face was expressionless, but James could tell that he was trying not to cry. His eyes were glazed over, and almost dead. His face was rigid, as if he had just been through a painful ordeal.
Sirius held out a hand to him to try to help him up, but Remus didn't take it.
"Moony?" Sirius said, cocking his head like a dog looking at something curiously.
"Leave me alone," Remus said in a monotone voice.
Sirius looked back to James, and then shrugged, "He's lost it. Finally, he's lost it."
"Shut up and leave me alone," Remus said, darting his eyes to Sirius.
Sirius looked like he was about to deck him for telling him to shut up, but he knew better. James led his friend out, and Lily and Peter continued to stare at him.
"Are you sure you're all right?" Peter asked.
"Just go," Remus turned away, to look outside the window. It was a beautiful day. Twenty eight more days until the wolf returned.
The wolf had beaten him again.
Lily's eye caught a glimpse of something on the floor, sparkling in the sunlight. She walked to it, and picked it up.
"It's your music box," she said, looking at the disfigured object. Large teeth marks could be seen, bit into the moon engraving. The words on the top of the lid had been clawed off, and they couldn't be read anymore.
"Did you do this, Remus?" Lily asked, turning to face him again. Remus didn't say anything.
"You really should get that gash looked at," Peter said, "I heard Moody's great with healing. Come on, we'll go get that patched up . . ."
"Can you two please just leave," Remus said, almost above a whisper.
Lily looked to Peter, and motioned for the door. Peter shook his head, and knelt down by his friend.
"Moony, are you . . ."
"Go. Away," Remus said, his voice becoming stronger.
Peter blinked in surprise, and then stood to join Lily on her trek out of the door. Lily placed the music box on the floor, and continued out behind him.
She shut the door as she entered the hallway.
Remus didn't talk much after that day. Slowly, his weak smiles returned and his wry sense of humor came back, but he was never the same. The little boy had dug himself farther into his heart, and was hardly recognizable now.
Remus thought. He didn't talk. He knew what he was going to do before he did it. He had everything planned out perfectly before attacking it.
In other words, he had become the exact opposite of Sirius.
He never endangered anyone again. Whenever Peter would offer to turn into a rat to accompany him, he would protest. Whenever any one of them wanted to be anywhere near him during his transformations, he would always argue with them to stay as far away as they could.
No one asked what happened that night, there between him and his curse. No one wanted to know. They had heard the screams and howls from inside the room. That's all they needed to know.
Remus Lupin had been defeated by the wolf, once again.