WOW! Thanks to all my reviewers, or to people who found this and read Farren for me and reviewed there. I am going to answer a question I received, about how Remus got in New York. I'm really upset with myself for not making this clearer, so I might go back and fix it. 1) Remus is still sixteen; this is a continuation from Farren, it's the PROLOGUE to this story 2) Since he was technically only there for a muggle studies project, the four must travel home in a muggle like fashion, ae; Trains, Planes, and Automobiles (and yes this is after an old movie I love!) So, you see, they only just arrived in New York, and will take a ship from there to Europe, at which time they will take the Hogwarts Express back to Hogwarts.
I have a question for everyone that I would like you to answer when you review. When people post songs at the beginning of a chapter, do you read them? I'm just wondering if I should keep doing this, because I work really hard to find songs that match, but I know how tedious it is to read them.
Disclaimer- you all know the drill! It's not mine; it's the wonderful J.K. Rowling's!
Chapter One; The past of Future
I'm Moving On, Rascal Flats
I've dealt with my ghosts
And I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your
Moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame
Trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on
I've lived in this place
And I know all the faces
Each one is different
But they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up
Where I don't belong
I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on
At last I can see
Life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees
But, I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by (are the years passing by)
And I have made up my mind
That those days are gone
I sold what I could
And packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should
But lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me
Somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on
"Yes, Albus, what do you need?" Twenty-four year old Remus Lupin asked his aged headmaster warily. In fact, Remus knew exactly what Albus Dumbledore needed, for every month he summoned Remus to his office and told him one simple thing. He did it again.
"I am not so naïve that I think you don't know why I have asked you here, Remus, my boy. But I shall say it again. You are loosing yourself. Every since the death of your dear friends, the betrayal of someone you thought you knew, you have drifted from yourself. You have and are allowing pain and sorrow to rule you life, and in doing so you let the regrets, evil, and the betrayer win! Do you want to do that, Remus, my friend?" Dumbledore's eyes, normally a twinkling blue, looked old and sad as he spoke to Remus. Remus raised his own weary French blue eyes to the headmaster, taking in details in a way he had forgotten to do since that night…that horrible, Halloween night.
The headmaster certainly looked older, though not really old. His long beard and hair, normally gray streaked with auburn, had developed into a pure white waterfall that would have gleamed in the dark. His sharp blue eyes looked, though sad at Remus's situation, lighter and happier than they had before Voldemort's downfall. He was dressed in lovely light blue robes that twirled interestingly at his feet, which were covered by his purple, high top boots, which he often wore.
"Albus," Remus started, wondering what he was going to say. "Each night, I am reminded of my regrets, of my losses. I am friendless and loveless, Albus, for I have no one left. It is a hard existence, to not have friends, to not find love. Surely, if I live less as I used to, it is because I am adjusting to my new life?"
Albus surveyed Remus carefully, sadly.
"If you believe no one cares for you, no one is your friend, then I have failed you greatly, and for that, Remus, I give you my greatest of apologizes. Forgive an old man for not expressing his love," Albus said softly, his head lowered, his eyes no longer twinkling. Remus blanched.
"Oh, Albus, I meant not that you are not my friend! It's just that you are much older than me, you have experienced so much more, you're wiser, and I view you as-as a mentor. I simply miss friends whom I have grown up with, friends who share my experienced, who understand my fear and phobias, who understand…who understand me." Remus sat back in his chair, slightly drained from his confessions, ashamed of the guilt he had alit in Dumbledore.
"I see, Remus…I see. Perhaps- when you were sixteen, was not a prophecy made to James about his future, by my dear friend Cassandra?" Dumbledore asked. Unsure of where he was heading with such talk, Remus nodded, forcing down the sudden tidal wave of emotions that engulfed him at the very mention of the prophesy…of the trip that had ensued because of it…of the woman he had met there.
"I see…and did not you, along with your friends, all convince me to not only allow you, as a muggle studies project, to go to the future and to travel to America to find the nature of said prophesy?" Dumbledore continued. Remus nodded once again, swallowing hard. A lump had appeared mysteriously in his throat and he forced down another wave of emotions…and memories.
"You found the girl, did you not? I seem to remember you telling me that she told you, what was it…" Dumbledore asked him, though Remus was sure he knew.
"She said 'do not trust the rat," he muttered reluctantly.
"Yes, that was it. Did she also say that the traitor would not be Sirius Black?"
"She was mistaken, obviously," Remus muttered through gritted teeth. Dumbledore nodded serenely.
"Or, perhaps, she simply was hinting that it was him, by telling the traitor in question that he was not?" Dumbledore asked Remus pleasantly.
"Then she is as unreadable as a house elf, and has too much subtlety for her own good!" Remus snapped, conflicting emotions getting the better of him.
Dumbledore smiled. "Remus…you loved her. You still love her." It was not a question, so it did not require an answer. But Remus spoke anyway.
"Yes, I love her. Not that it makes much difference. She isn't even born yet, and I shall never see her again! She is a muggle, though an extraordinary one at that, and she knows, or thinks she knows, too much for us to be comfortable around each other. Quit smiling like that! What are you suggesting?" Remus burst out, looking at the calm man in front him.
"Remus…all time exists at once. It is only the nature of living things to experience it in parts," Dumbledore said placidly.
Remus scowled and slumped in his chair.
"Her name, Remus. What was her name?" Dumbledore said easily,
"Farren," Remus answered moodily, being stubborn on purpose.
"Her whole name, Remus, my boy. And wipe that pout off your face, you look to be about seven," Dumbledore said teasingly
"Her name was Farren Valencia Alma, for goodness sakes! Where is this going?" Remus said, sitting up more strait in his chair.
"Ahh, I knew we'd get there," Dumbledore said simply, and he stood to open a cabinet, in which he pulled a huge old book, which was embossed with the title 'A Directory of Pure Blooded Families and their Generations'.
"Has history in it that hasn't even happened yet!" Dumbledore told Remus distractedly, as he flipped through the book. He seemed to quickly find what he was looking for, as he stopped flipping the pages and laid the book in front of Remus.
"The Alma Family- pureblood for seventeen generations," Remus read aloud, and then silently began to browse.
'The Alma family is one of intense complexity. As shown on the family tree at left' Remus's eyes traveled farther down, looking for a more recent instilment.
'In the midst of Voldemort's rising, Rebecca and Quinton's son, Terris, fell in love and married Lauren Conner-Alma. A pureblood witch herself, the two had attended Hogwarts School together, and were, at the time of their marriage, eighteen. When it became known that the Dark Lord was actively pursuing the family in hopes that they would join their ranks, the family went into hiding under the (1) Fideles Charm, the secret hidden inside Terris himself, as the youngest and highly honored member of the family. The two, using a (2) Anteeo Ambulo, traveled forward in time and then went to America, making it virtually impossible that Voldemort would find them. After using an illusion charm of the highest quality, they managed to convince an entire town that they had been forever living in Colorado, and that they knew them. Unfortunately, Voldemort was somehow notified of such plans and pursued them to the future, much to his own personal risk. Terris and Laura gave birth to a beautiful baby girl on April 8, 1987 (future date), but, knowing that Voldemort was after both them and their offspring, gave the child to an orphanage in Texas, to grow up as a muggle. The two were murdered on December 3 of the same year. Voldemort then returned to his own time, in which no time had passed, and was later defeated on Halloween night, 1981, only weeks after he had arrived back.
(1) Fideles Charm- a highly advanced charm in which a secret is hidden inside a single living soul, and, unless the secret keeper chooses to reveal the secret, the secret cannot be accessed in any way.
(2) Anteeo Ambulo- a device that allows the user to travel forward and backward in time while their time stands still. (A/N- one of my own creations)
"Wow," Remus whispered. "She's a pure blood witch living as a muggle in the wrong time period…amazing. The simplicity of it…the brilliance," Remus was quite stunned.
"You say that you have no friends, and no one to love, Remus," Dumbledore said, and Remus jumped. He had all but forgotten where he was.
"I believe that Farren needs to know about her past, just as much as you did," Dumbledore continued softly, sinking into his chair once more. He gently pulled the book from Remus's hands. "I do not believe that Voldemort is truly gone, for he took many steps to make himself immortal. What he is, I am not sure, for what does such a vindictive spirit look like without a body? However, Voldemort is one to hold grudges; he likes revenge and he loves torture. When he will come back, I do not know, but I fear he is alive and thriving in Farren's time. There is very much possibility of her being in danger, and as she does not know of her past, of her potential to do magic…she very well may die." Remus sucked in his breath quickly.
"I will trust no one else with this job, Remus. I want you to travel into the future, and find your love. I want you to save her. Bring her back to our world…her world, and we will teach her how to defend herself. She will be a million times safer here…than there. I want you to convince her to come back with you," Dumbledore's seriousness was absolute and complete.
"You want me to seduce the one I love?" Remus said uncertainly. "You want me to convince her because you know she loves me, and so you know she'll come back to safety? You want me to abuse my love for her by using it to convince her to come back?"
"You misunderstand me, dear boy. I simply thought that with you, someone she knows and trust, she would be willing to come back with you. After all, she needs love just as fully as you do," Dumbledore answered Remus, his eyes showing naked honesty. Remus nodded.
"How will I get…there?" Remus inquired.
"I was thinking you could use a Anteeo Ambulo. Fitting, isn't it, since Farren's family traveled the same way?" He flashed a brilliant smile, his twinkling eyes wondrous. "Once you had arrived in her time, I am hoping my future self will help you on your way, though perhaps you ought to prepare yourself and come back tomorrow."
Remus was starting to feel terrible excited about the opportunity Dumbledore was laying in front of him. Not only would he get to see Farren once more, it was a great opportunity for him to travel, to learn…to find the real Remus Lupin again.
"I'll go. What time do you need me here tomorrow?" Remus asked excitably. Dumbledore chuckled appreciatively, and smiled.
"Be here by noon, though if you arrive earlier, that's fine. Really, Remus, it's summer, you could just show up!" Dumbledore said jokingly, and Remus nodded slightly, reflecting on the near-empty state of the castle. The professors were still here, of course, but many had gone on vacations, and the ones that weren't were enjoying the wonderful weather outside.
"How many years will I need to go into the future, Albus?" Remus asked ecstatically, leaping from his chair to began pacing the room in his enthusiasm.
Dumbledore laughed and stood as well, walking to open the door to his office.
"I believe it will be twenty-nine years Remus, so that she, too, will be twenty-four. I'll see you tomorrow around lunch," he told Remus as he walked him out. Smiling more than he had in nearly three years, Remus practically skipped down hallway, stopping to smile beguilingly at Minerva McGonagall. She raised her thin eyebrows slightly.
"Hello, Remus. You seem to be in a-er- good mood today," she observed, looking towards Dumbledore to see if Remus had finally unhinged. To her surprise, Dumbledore was sitting at the feet of the gargoyle that guarded his office and looking between three bags of candy, trying to decide which one he would prefer. Too familiar to the headmaster's eccentric ways, she shook her head and turned back to Remus, who was surveying the headmaster with rapt attention.
"I would go with the lemon drops, Albus, they're excellent. Besides, remember that time you lost your chocolate frog and had to chase it all down the corridors in front of our seventh year class? And I know you have phobias about every flavor beans. Yes, definitely go with those lemon drops," Remus advised the headmaster, who nodded absently and dug into the bag. Minerva rolled her eyes hugely and turned sharply on her heel, muttering something about being surrounded by unbalanced people. Remus grinned widely. Unbalanced…him? Surely not!
"Crazy in love, perhaps," he murmured happily and set off down the corridor towards the entrance. He emerged into the wonderful weather, noticing how nice it was for the first time in a long time, before setting off down the road to Hogsmeade.
In Hogsmeade, Remus stopped in The Three Broomsticks to see Rosemerta, knowing it had been a rather long time since he had done so. He entered happily and went to his favorite seat, which was a spinning stool up against the bar. Rosemerta quickly came over.
"Hello, what can I get for yo- Remus? Remus, is that really you? Well, I'll be, haven't seen you in two or three years!" Rosemerta, a curvy sort of woman in robes of shocking pink said excitably.
"It's me, Rosie, but I'm leaving soon, you won't see me for a while longer," Remus answered pleasantly.
"Goodness, where're you going?" Rosemerta said eagerly, coming from around the bar to sit by him.
"The states," Remus answered vaguely. "Don't know how long our be there for, but I'll be back eventually."
"I have so much to tell you!" Rosemerta gushed happily. "Daddy finally went into retirement, so I own the place now! And Lucy Ann finally married Bill. They've got themselves a wonderful little boy now, he's two, they call him Joseph!" Remus settled in for one or two Butterbeers, and three years' worth of gossip.
Four hours later, Remus had escaped from Rosemerta's chatter, visited Honeyduke's, the joke shop, and the grocery store, before going home. Farren, he knew, was going to need some place to stay when she came back, and he was not going to allow her to sleep at the Leaky Cauldron, no matter how nice the rooms were. After unpacking his groceries, he stepped into his office. Two bookshelves and a desk made the room imbalanced, and he quickly situated the bookshelves together and pushed the desk into a corner, leaving a wall and a half for bedroom supplies. He summoned up a twin bed and a wardrobe for Farren's stuff and looked at the room happily. That was when he noticed the state of his house.
For the past three years, cleaning had not been a particular worry for Remus. Lost in his sorrows and ghosts from the past, he had simply not noticed the gathering dust and the less-than-gleaming floors. He had kept things organized, for he had very little possessions, but he now noticed the musty smell of the office, the dusty desk looking particularly dull next to the gleaming wardrobe he had just conjured up. Gritting his teeth, he immediately got to work.
After finding a bottle of 'Mrs. Skrower's All Purpose Cleaning Solution', Remus began to scrub ever surface in sight, save the floor. Soon the office gleamed, and, grinned, Remus took his bucket and sponge into his room across the hall. The room in question was rather disappointing, as it held only a bed, his old school trunk, and his briefcase. He scrubbed it vigorously, thinking all the while that once Farren got here, he would most definitely have to decorate his house…THEIR house.
Soon, the two small bathrooms, the joint living and dining room, and the kitchen were gleaming. Remus rinsed out his bucket and then refilled it with clear water. After pouring a bit more of the cleaning solution in it, he set to work mopping the wood floored house, drying it as he went. Soon, the entire house was clean, smelling of fresh lemon. He breathed in deeply, before deciding to go pack his stuff for his trip to the United States, July 9th, 2011!
He pulled his briefcase from it spot on the wall, and smiled proudly at the little used suitcase. He had bought it new just before James and Peter's death; he had been so proud to be able to afford something of his own. He had been working in a shady bar at the time, the logic being that people don't hire people for shady bars and expect them to turn up every night each month. His boss hadn't a clue about his problem, which was just great, until Remus had quit. He wondered if he could get that job back, as it had paid fairly well. After all, now he was going to need money!
Remus pulled open his trunk and pulled out his very few muggle outfits. Every article was folded and placed neatly in his case, save for one shirt and one pair of pants, knowing that he would need muggle clothes for his travels. He then placed a pre-packed personal items bag, everything in it shrunk to travel size.
'James would be laughing at you right now, Lupin. He'd be saying 'that's so like you to have it pre-packed and miniature, Moony! Um…can you get me one?' Remus thought to himself, chuckling as he did so. It had been along time since he'd been able to think about any of his friends without dangerous emotions rising in him, and he thought this trip would definitely do him good. He opened the bag to check that everything was in there; toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, face wash, and a comb all sat in the bag in an organized fashion. Nodding, Remus put everything back in his case and closed it up, admiring the way the gold letters spelling out his name gleamed in the soft light drifting through the windows. He looked outside dazedly; the sun was sinking softly from the sky, and a blood red glow was cast over his home. The crescent moon was rising lazily in the sky, and, feeling quite content, Remus changed into some pajamas and curled up in bed, his dreams filled with a girl whose hair glowed like the scarlet setting sun.
©_ª_©_ª_©_ª_©_ª_©_ª_©_ª_©_ª_©_ª_©_ª_©_ª_©_ª_©_ª_©_ª_©_ª_©_ª_©_ª_©_ª_©_ª
The next morning, Remus awoke with his stomach growling loudly. Remembering how he had forgotten dinner the night before, Remus crawled from his bed sleepily, stopping to make the bed and to grab his muggle clothes. He went into his bathroom, climbing into the shower sleepily, allowing the cold water to wake him up abruptly. As soon as he was done, he brushed his teeth and hair, before climbing into the odd assortment of clothes.
A blue button up shirt that matched his eyes, a pair of stiff jeans, and even stiffer boots made up the outfit. He looked at himself in the mirror…did he look muggle? The jeans were uncomfortably tight after his loose robes…were they supposed to fit like that? He squinted at himself, unaccustomed to their confining feel. His stomach gave a loud growl, a reminder that no matter how odd he looked, it needed food. Remus grumbled slightly and set off towards the kitchen, stopping to pull his case from the foot of the bed. Once he had arrived in the clean room, Remus frowned lightly as he searched for something to eat. A bowl of porridge later, Remus was washing the lone dish and replacing it in the cabinets. He then looked around his house, his eyes resting on the clock, as he wondered what to do until it was time for him to meet Dumbledore. 9:00, 9:01, the clock flashed at Remus, and, frowning Remus looked around the room. His eyes landed on the living room, in which a bookshelf held many of his memories of school. Walking into the room, a particular photo album caught his eye. On it, in fancy gold calligraphy, were the words 'Lovebird Moments'. Remus laughed and picked it up, setting on the couch for a good laugh.
Inside were four messages, each inscribed in one of the Marauder's handwriting, explaining the pictures. Remus, knowing it would hurt, but doing it anyway, read what was wrote.
In James's writing, 'this is a book of us four and our girls. We've all had one or two different ones, but you'll notice that a few (LILY, uhum, LILY) show up more than others.
Then Sirius's, and Remus had to master his wolf like impulse to rip the book to shreds. 'I had more than one or two, Prongsie! But Carina is in here most for me…don't tell, but we're engaged. Heck, what am I saying? TELL EVERYONE!'
The Remus himself, and he looked at it, wondering what exactly he'd said. 'Only one girl that I've ever liked- loved, and she's in here, even if she's out of my life.' Remus grinned slightly. If only his nineteen-year-old self had knew that they would meet again.
Short Peter's handwriting was thick and long. 'Clarissa's in here, and that's good.' Remus smiled as he remembered Clarissa Clark, who had seemed to be Peter's soul mate. She loved rodents, and was short, timid, and shy. Remus wondered how she was doing; now that- well, now that it all had happened. He then opened the book.
For the next few hours, Remus entertained himself with the pictures. They had managed to take an extraordinary amount of pictures when they had met Farren, and in most of them she obviously didn't know she was being pictured. Remus flipped to one that made him laugh; he remembered that day. Farren had nasty bruise across one cheek but she seemed to have forgotten about it. The two were on a bus; she twisted in her seat to see him, he leaning over the top of hers to playfully debate about something or another. It didn't matter now. Remus glanced at the clock; it read 11:37. He stood up and left the book open to the same page, resting on the couch, as he apparated to Hogsmeade.
Once there, he set off on the road for Hogwarts, feeling very happy as he walked down the dirt path, humming some old song. Hogwarts came into view soon, and Remus was pleased to see Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Poppy all resting by the lake. During summer, each looked so different than during the school year that Remus still couldn't completely mask his amazement. Dumbledore…well, Dumbledore was always senile! But McGonagall, she definitely didn't look like the stuffy creature from the classroom. Her hair was hanging in a long ponytail, and she was dressed, to his shock, in a short khaki skirt and a black, muggle, one-piece bathing suit. And Poppy! She was let her own hair down, and was wearing a long pastel colored sundress. It was an interesting sight, to say the very least.
"Ah, Remus, come join us, won't you?" Dumbledore said grandly as he waved his arm jovially at the emerald green grass and clear lake. Remus smiled and nodded to him, almost skipping to get to him and sit down. Dumbledore grinned at him almost insanely.
"Remus, my boy, you seem very happy. I see you've brought a suitcase, excellent! Lemon Drop?" Remus looked at him strangely. "You got me strangely attached to these things. They're quite good," Dumbledore said easily. Remus snorted, but extended his hand to Dumbledore for a few. He popped the sweet round candy into his mouth and relished their tangy taste.
"Do you have it ready, Albus?" Remus asked impatiently through his mouthful of candy, earning a disproving snort from McGonagall. He ignored her, and Albus chuckled merrily, standing up from the grass in an amazingly graceful manner. Remus jumped up too and quickly followed Dumbledore as he strode purposefully across the ground, waving happily to the woman behind him.
As they arrived in his office, Dumbledore held out two objects that glimmered in the afternoon light. One Remus recognized as an old invisibility cloak and Remus felt his chest tighten slightly at the reminder of his school days. The other was an object that Remus had seen only in books and was wholly anxious to examine.
The hand size hourglass looked rather like a time turner, though its bright purple sand was magically held in the top of the cone. A knob was pushed into the lower half of the hourglass, and on it was a series of numbers, all indicating the point in time that you were trying to reach. Remus reached for the Anteeo Ambulo and gently let his hand touch the smooth glass. Dumbledore silently extended the objects to him, sensing that he would need a moment of silence.
Remus held the objects to him and looked up at Dumbledore, who smiled at him healingly.
"Here's a portkey, Remus. Put this on-" he extended the invisibility cloak- "and push the dial in on this Anteeo Ambulo. Once you're in the future- you should be in my office- this portkey will take you to a safe apparition point in New York. You'll be on your own from there, okay?" Dumbledore asked, holding out everything. Remus nodded, and shifted his case so that it was securely under his arm before taking the portkey into one hand, and throwing the cloak over him. In one swift movement, Remus had firmly pressed in on the dial of the Anteeo Ambulo, and he was sucked through time and space.
All around him, wild green flames dances, tunneling around him in rough flashes. Beneath him, he saw a long white expanse, numbers and letters on it. Remus realized, fast as he was moving, that the numbers were exact dates, times, and that the letter's were all the things that had happened then. The flames danced around him and Remus saw, much to his surprise, that there were other people in the time tunnel. He could see them through the green blazes, blurred and limp, and he wondered to him self he looked like them, lifeless and floating uneasily in the air. Time hurtles past him, and it was then that Remus noticed the noise. Around him, Screams, laughter, shrieks, conversation, and even silence, ripped through the air in the moments of time in which they had happened. Such loud noise-there was so much of it- but really it was so quiet to. Remus focused on the silence; he had never before heard such loud silence, and then, he felt a jolt as he was pitched headfirst into one of the numbers beneath him.
The white expanse he fell on to was hard like stone, though he passed through it. All around him was a colorless expanse so complete it was frightening. Neither white nor clear (for if it was clear, and there was nothing to see, what would you see?) the color lacking room extended forever, through all time, through all space, through all existing substances. Remus watched as he resided in the space, no longer floating, though not really standing either.
'I am standing on time,' Remus thought, and the revelation was so startling that he jerked and the precise balance he hadn't realized he had to keep was shattered, and he fell, a long rushing fall, into time once more. Above him, he could now see a white box, just large enough for his feet, which he had fallen off of.
And that's when the scenes started. Past him flashed the entire history of the world, scenes of every person's life, scenes of every horror, or joy, or achievement. He experienced every life that had ever been, would be, could be, and because he was a caring person, cried and laughed, and was frightened for each and every person or animal as he experienced their life. And when it was over, he was drained, emotional drained, for now he knew how it felt to be virtually anyone, rather in past or future, and he recognized all the bad in the world, and started, much to his own shock, to cry, a whimpering, sniffling, snuffling, shaking cry that echoed through time, through all time.
'This,' Remus thought to himself, 'is surely the past of future.'
And it was then that he was hurtled through a single dark spot in a sea of no colors, before landing, still covered by the cloak, still gripping his suitcase and the Anteeo Ambulo, in Dumbledore's future office, Dumbledore himself sitting there, talking to a boy that looked suspiciously like James.
I have a question for everyone that I would like you to answer when you review. When people post songs at the beginning of a chapter, do you read them? I'm just wondering if I should keep doing this, because I work really hard to find songs that match, but I know how tedious it is to read them.
Disclaimer- you all know the drill! It's not mine; it's the wonderful J.K. Rowling's!
Chapter One; The past of Future
I'm Moving On, Rascal Flats
I've dealt with my ghosts
And I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your
Moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame
Trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on
I've lived in this place
And I know all the faces
Each one is different
But they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up
Where I don't belong
I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on
At last I can see
Life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees
But, I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by (are the years passing by)
And I have made up my mind
That those days are gone
I sold what I could
And packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should
But lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me
Somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on
"Yes, Albus, what do you need?" Twenty-four year old Remus Lupin asked his aged headmaster warily. In fact, Remus knew exactly what Albus Dumbledore needed, for every month he summoned Remus to his office and told him one simple thing. He did it again.
"I am not so naïve that I think you don't know why I have asked you here, Remus, my boy. But I shall say it again. You are loosing yourself. Every since the death of your dear friends, the betrayal of someone you thought you knew, you have drifted from yourself. You have and are allowing pain and sorrow to rule you life, and in doing so you let the regrets, evil, and the betrayer win! Do you want to do that, Remus, my friend?" Dumbledore's eyes, normally a twinkling blue, looked old and sad as he spoke to Remus. Remus raised his own weary French blue eyes to the headmaster, taking in details in a way he had forgotten to do since that night…that horrible, Halloween night.
The headmaster certainly looked older, though not really old. His long beard and hair, normally gray streaked with auburn, had developed into a pure white waterfall that would have gleamed in the dark. His sharp blue eyes looked, though sad at Remus's situation, lighter and happier than they had before Voldemort's downfall. He was dressed in lovely light blue robes that twirled interestingly at his feet, which were covered by his purple, high top boots, which he often wore.
"Albus," Remus started, wondering what he was going to say. "Each night, I am reminded of my regrets, of my losses. I am friendless and loveless, Albus, for I have no one left. It is a hard existence, to not have friends, to not find love. Surely, if I live less as I used to, it is because I am adjusting to my new life?"
Albus surveyed Remus carefully, sadly.
"If you believe no one cares for you, no one is your friend, then I have failed you greatly, and for that, Remus, I give you my greatest of apologizes. Forgive an old man for not expressing his love," Albus said softly, his head lowered, his eyes no longer twinkling. Remus blanched.
"Oh, Albus, I meant not that you are not my friend! It's just that you are much older than me, you have experienced so much more, you're wiser, and I view you as-as a mentor. I simply miss friends whom I have grown up with, friends who share my experienced, who understand my fear and phobias, who understand…who understand me." Remus sat back in his chair, slightly drained from his confessions, ashamed of the guilt he had alit in Dumbledore.
"I see, Remus…I see. Perhaps- when you were sixteen, was not a prophecy made to James about his future, by my dear friend Cassandra?" Dumbledore asked. Unsure of where he was heading with such talk, Remus nodded, forcing down the sudden tidal wave of emotions that engulfed him at the very mention of the prophesy…of the trip that had ensued because of it…of the woman he had met there.
"I see…and did not you, along with your friends, all convince me to not only allow you, as a muggle studies project, to go to the future and to travel to America to find the nature of said prophesy?" Dumbledore continued. Remus nodded once again, swallowing hard. A lump had appeared mysteriously in his throat and he forced down another wave of emotions…and memories.
"You found the girl, did you not? I seem to remember you telling me that she told you, what was it…" Dumbledore asked him, though Remus was sure he knew.
"She said 'do not trust the rat," he muttered reluctantly.
"Yes, that was it. Did she also say that the traitor would not be Sirius Black?"
"She was mistaken, obviously," Remus muttered through gritted teeth. Dumbledore nodded serenely.
"Or, perhaps, she simply was hinting that it was him, by telling the traitor in question that he was not?" Dumbledore asked Remus pleasantly.
"Then she is as unreadable as a house elf, and has too much subtlety for her own good!" Remus snapped, conflicting emotions getting the better of him.
Dumbledore smiled. "Remus…you loved her. You still love her." It was not a question, so it did not require an answer. But Remus spoke anyway.
"Yes, I love her. Not that it makes much difference. She isn't even born yet, and I shall never see her again! She is a muggle, though an extraordinary one at that, and she knows, or thinks she knows, too much for us to be comfortable around each other. Quit smiling like that! What are you suggesting?" Remus burst out, looking at the calm man in front him.
"Remus…all time exists at once. It is only the nature of living things to experience it in parts," Dumbledore said placidly.
Remus scowled and slumped in his chair.
"Her name, Remus. What was her name?" Dumbledore said easily,
"Farren," Remus answered moodily, being stubborn on purpose.
"Her whole name, Remus, my boy. And wipe that pout off your face, you look to be about seven," Dumbledore said teasingly
"Her name was Farren Valencia Alma, for goodness sakes! Where is this going?" Remus said, sitting up more strait in his chair.
"Ahh, I knew we'd get there," Dumbledore said simply, and he stood to open a cabinet, in which he pulled a huge old book, which was embossed with the title 'A Directory of Pure Blooded Families and their Generations'.
"Has history in it that hasn't even happened yet!" Dumbledore told Remus distractedly, as he flipped through the book. He seemed to quickly find what he was looking for, as he stopped flipping the pages and laid the book in front of Remus.
"The Alma Family- pureblood for seventeen generations," Remus read aloud, and then silently began to browse.
'The Alma family is one of intense complexity. As shown on the family tree at left' Remus's eyes traveled farther down, looking for a more recent instilment.
'In the midst of Voldemort's rising, Rebecca and Quinton's son, Terris, fell in love and married Lauren Conner-Alma. A pureblood witch herself, the two had attended Hogwarts School together, and were, at the time of their marriage, eighteen. When it became known that the Dark Lord was actively pursuing the family in hopes that they would join their ranks, the family went into hiding under the (1) Fideles Charm, the secret hidden inside Terris himself, as the youngest and highly honored member of the family. The two, using a (2) Anteeo Ambulo, traveled forward in time and then went to America, making it virtually impossible that Voldemort would find them. After using an illusion charm of the highest quality, they managed to convince an entire town that they had been forever living in Colorado, and that they knew them. Unfortunately, Voldemort was somehow notified of such plans and pursued them to the future, much to his own personal risk. Terris and Laura gave birth to a beautiful baby girl on April 8, 1987 (future date), but, knowing that Voldemort was after both them and their offspring, gave the child to an orphanage in Texas, to grow up as a muggle. The two were murdered on December 3 of the same year. Voldemort then returned to his own time, in which no time had passed, and was later defeated on Halloween night, 1981, only weeks after he had arrived back.
(1) Fideles Charm- a highly advanced charm in which a secret is hidden inside a single living soul, and, unless the secret keeper chooses to reveal the secret, the secret cannot be accessed in any way.
(2) Anteeo Ambulo- a device that allows the user to travel forward and backward in time while their time stands still. (A/N- one of my own creations)
"Wow," Remus whispered. "She's a pure blood witch living as a muggle in the wrong time period…amazing. The simplicity of it…the brilliance," Remus was quite stunned.
"You say that you have no friends, and no one to love, Remus," Dumbledore said, and Remus jumped. He had all but forgotten where he was.
"I believe that Farren needs to know about her past, just as much as you did," Dumbledore continued softly, sinking into his chair once more. He gently pulled the book from Remus's hands. "I do not believe that Voldemort is truly gone, for he took many steps to make himself immortal. What he is, I am not sure, for what does such a vindictive spirit look like without a body? However, Voldemort is one to hold grudges; he likes revenge and he loves torture. When he will come back, I do not know, but I fear he is alive and thriving in Farren's time. There is very much possibility of her being in danger, and as she does not know of her past, of her potential to do magic…she very well may die." Remus sucked in his breath quickly.
"I will trust no one else with this job, Remus. I want you to travel into the future, and find your love. I want you to save her. Bring her back to our world…her world, and we will teach her how to defend herself. She will be a million times safer here…than there. I want you to convince her to come back with you," Dumbledore's seriousness was absolute and complete.
"You want me to seduce the one I love?" Remus said uncertainly. "You want me to convince her because you know she loves me, and so you know she'll come back to safety? You want me to abuse my love for her by using it to convince her to come back?"
"You misunderstand me, dear boy. I simply thought that with you, someone she knows and trust, she would be willing to come back with you. After all, she needs love just as fully as you do," Dumbledore answered Remus, his eyes showing naked honesty. Remus nodded.
"How will I get…there?" Remus inquired.
"I was thinking you could use a Anteeo Ambulo. Fitting, isn't it, since Farren's family traveled the same way?" He flashed a brilliant smile, his twinkling eyes wondrous. "Once you had arrived in her time, I am hoping my future self will help you on your way, though perhaps you ought to prepare yourself and come back tomorrow."
Remus was starting to feel terrible excited about the opportunity Dumbledore was laying in front of him. Not only would he get to see Farren once more, it was a great opportunity for him to travel, to learn…to find the real Remus Lupin again.
"I'll go. What time do you need me here tomorrow?" Remus asked excitably. Dumbledore chuckled appreciatively, and smiled.
"Be here by noon, though if you arrive earlier, that's fine. Really, Remus, it's summer, you could just show up!" Dumbledore said jokingly, and Remus nodded slightly, reflecting on the near-empty state of the castle. The professors were still here, of course, but many had gone on vacations, and the ones that weren't were enjoying the wonderful weather outside.
"How many years will I need to go into the future, Albus?" Remus asked ecstatically, leaping from his chair to began pacing the room in his enthusiasm.
Dumbledore laughed and stood as well, walking to open the door to his office.
"I believe it will be twenty-nine years Remus, so that she, too, will be twenty-four. I'll see you tomorrow around lunch," he told Remus as he walked him out. Smiling more than he had in nearly three years, Remus practically skipped down hallway, stopping to smile beguilingly at Minerva McGonagall. She raised her thin eyebrows slightly.
"Hello, Remus. You seem to be in a-er- good mood today," she observed, looking towards Dumbledore to see if Remus had finally unhinged. To her surprise, Dumbledore was sitting at the feet of the gargoyle that guarded his office and looking between three bags of candy, trying to decide which one he would prefer. Too familiar to the headmaster's eccentric ways, she shook her head and turned back to Remus, who was surveying the headmaster with rapt attention.
"I would go with the lemon drops, Albus, they're excellent. Besides, remember that time you lost your chocolate frog and had to chase it all down the corridors in front of our seventh year class? And I know you have phobias about every flavor beans. Yes, definitely go with those lemon drops," Remus advised the headmaster, who nodded absently and dug into the bag. Minerva rolled her eyes hugely and turned sharply on her heel, muttering something about being surrounded by unbalanced people. Remus grinned widely. Unbalanced…him? Surely not!
"Crazy in love, perhaps," he murmured happily and set off down the corridor towards the entrance. He emerged into the wonderful weather, noticing how nice it was for the first time in a long time, before setting off down the road to Hogsmeade.
In Hogsmeade, Remus stopped in The Three Broomsticks to see Rosemerta, knowing it had been a rather long time since he had done so. He entered happily and went to his favorite seat, which was a spinning stool up against the bar. Rosemerta quickly came over.
"Hello, what can I get for yo- Remus? Remus, is that really you? Well, I'll be, haven't seen you in two or three years!" Rosemerta, a curvy sort of woman in robes of shocking pink said excitably.
"It's me, Rosie, but I'm leaving soon, you won't see me for a while longer," Remus answered pleasantly.
"Goodness, where're you going?" Rosemerta said eagerly, coming from around the bar to sit by him.
"The states," Remus answered vaguely. "Don't know how long our be there for, but I'll be back eventually."
"I have so much to tell you!" Rosemerta gushed happily. "Daddy finally went into retirement, so I own the place now! And Lucy Ann finally married Bill. They've got themselves a wonderful little boy now, he's two, they call him Joseph!" Remus settled in for one or two Butterbeers, and three years' worth of gossip.
Four hours later, Remus had escaped from Rosemerta's chatter, visited Honeyduke's, the joke shop, and the grocery store, before going home. Farren, he knew, was going to need some place to stay when she came back, and he was not going to allow her to sleep at the Leaky Cauldron, no matter how nice the rooms were. After unpacking his groceries, he stepped into his office. Two bookshelves and a desk made the room imbalanced, and he quickly situated the bookshelves together and pushed the desk into a corner, leaving a wall and a half for bedroom supplies. He summoned up a twin bed and a wardrobe for Farren's stuff and looked at the room happily. That was when he noticed the state of his house.
For the past three years, cleaning had not been a particular worry for Remus. Lost in his sorrows and ghosts from the past, he had simply not noticed the gathering dust and the less-than-gleaming floors. He had kept things organized, for he had very little possessions, but he now noticed the musty smell of the office, the dusty desk looking particularly dull next to the gleaming wardrobe he had just conjured up. Gritting his teeth, he immediately got to work.
After finding a bottle of 'Mrs. Skrower's All Purpose Cleaning Solution', Remus began to scrub ever surface in sight, save the floor. Soon the office gleamed, and, grinned, Remus took his bucket and sponge into his room across the hall. The room in question was rather disappointing, as it held only a bed, his old school trunk, and his briefcase. He scrubbed it vigorously, thinking all the while that once Farren got here, he would most definitely have to decorate his house…THEIR house.
Soon, the two small bathrooms, the joint living and dining room, and the kitchen were gleaming. Remus rinsed out his bucket and then refilled it with clear water. After pouring a bit more of the cleaning solution in it, he set to work mopping the wood floored house, drying it as he went. Soon, the entire house was clean, smelling of fresh lemon. He breathed in deeply, before deciding to go pack his stuff for his trip to the United States, July 9th, 2011!
He pulled his briefcase from it spot on the wall, and smiled proudly at the little used suitcase. He had bought it new just before James and Peter's death; he had been so proud to be able to afford something of his own. He had been working in a shady bar at the time, the logic being that people don't hire people for shady bars and expect them to turn up every night each month. His boss hadn't a clue about his problem, which was just great, until Remus had quit. He wondered if he could get that job back, as it had paid fairly well. After all, now he was going to need money!
Remus pulled open his trunk and pulled out his very few muggle outfits. Every article was folded and placed neatly in his case, save for one shirt and one pair of pants, knowing that he would need muggle clothes for his travels. He then placed a pre-packed personal items bag, everything in it shrunk to travel size.
'James would be laughing at you right now, Lupin. He'd be saying 'that's so like you to have it pre-packed and miniature, Moony! Um…can you get me one?' Remus thought to himself, chuckling as he did so. It had been along time since he'd been able to think about any of his friends without dangerous emotions rising in him, and he thought this trip would definitely do him good. He opened the bag to check that everything was in there; toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, face wash, and a comb all sat in the bag in an organized fashion. Nodding, Remus put everything back in his case and closed it up, admiring the way the gold letters spelling out his name gleamed in the soft light drifting through the windows. He looked outside dazedly; the sun was sinking softly from the sky, and a blood red glow was cast over his home. The crescent moon was rising lazily in the sky, and, feeling quite content, Remus changed into some pajamas and curled up in bed, his dreams filled with a girl whose hair glowed like the scarlet setting sun.
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The next morning, Remus awoke with his stomach growling loudly. Remembering how he had forgotten dinner the night before, Remus crawled from his bed sleepily, stopping to make the bed and to grab his muggle clothes. He went into his bathroom, climbing into the shower sleepily, allowing the cold water to wake him up abruptly. As soon as he was done, he brushed his teeth and hair, before climbing into the odd assortment of clothes.
A blue button up shirt that matched his eyes, a pair of stiff jeans, and even stiffer boots made up the outfit. He looked at himself in the mirror…did he look muggle? The jeans were uncomfortably tight after his loose robes…were they supposed to fit like that? He squinted at himself, unaccustomed to their confining feel. His stomach gave a loud growl, a reminder that no matter how odd he looked, it needed food. Remus grumbled slightly and set off towards the kitchen, stopping to pull his case from the foot of the bed. Once he had arrived in the clean room, Remus frowned lightly as he searched for something to eat. A bowl of porridge later, Remus was washing the lone dish and replacing it in the cabinets. He then looked around his house, his eyes resting on the clock, as he wondered what to do until it was time for him to meet Dumbledore. 9:00, 9:01, the clock flashed at Remus, and, frowning Remus looked around the room. His eyes landed on the living room, in which a bookshelf held many of his memories of school. Walking into the room, a particular photo album caught his eye. On it, in fancy gold calligraphy, were the words 'Lovebird Moments'. Remus laughed and picked it up, setting on the couch for a good laugh.
Inside were four messages, each inscribed in one of the Marauder's handwriting, explaining the pictures. Remus, knowing it would hurt, but doing it anyway, read what was wrote.
In James's writing, 'this is a book of us four and our girls. We've all had one or two different ones, but you'll notice that a few (LILY, uhum, LILY) show up more than others.
Then Sirius's, and Remus had to master his wolf like impulse to rip the book to shreds. 'I had more than one or two, Prongsie! But Carina is in here most for me…don't tell, but we're engaged. Heck, what am I saying? TELL EVERYONE!'
The Remus himself, and he looked at it, wondering what exactly he'd said. 'Only one girl that I've ever liked- loved, and she's in here, even if she's out of my life.' Remus grinned slightly. If only his nineteen-year-old self had knew that they would meet again.
Short Peter's handwriting was thick and long. 'Clarissa's in here, and that's good.' Remus smiled as he remembered Clarissa Clark, who had seemed to be Peter's soul mate. She loved rodents, and was short, timid, and shy. Remus wondered how she was doing; now that- well, now that it all had happened. He then opened the book.
For the next few hours, Remus entertained himself with the pictures. They had managed to take an extraordinary amount of pictures when they had met Farren, and in most of them she obviously didn't know she was being pictured. Remus flipped to one that made him laugh; he remembered that day. Farren had nasty bruise across one cheek but she seemed to have forgotten about it. The two were on a bus; she twisted in her seat to see him, he leaning over the top of hers to playfully debate about something or another. It didn't matter now. Remus glanced at the clock; it read 11:37. He stood up and left the book open to the same page, resting on the couch, as he apparated to Hogsmeade.
Once there, he set off on the road for Hogwarts, feeling very happy as he walked down the dirt path, humming some old song. Hogwarts came into view soon, and Remus was pleased to see Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Poppy all resting by the lake. During summer, each looked so different than during the school year that Remus still couldn't completely mask his amazement. Dumbledore…well, Dumbledore was always senile! But McGonagall, she definitely didn't look like the stuffy creature from the classroom. Her hair was hanging in a long ponytail, and she was dressed, to his shock, in a short khaki skirt and a black, muggle, one-piece bathing suit. And Poppy! She was let her own hair down, and was wearing a long pastel colored sundress. It was an interesting sight, to say the very least.
"Ah, Remus, come join us, won't you?" Dumbledore said grandly as he waved his arm jovially at the emerald green grass and clear lake. Remus smiled and nodded to him, almost skipping to get to him and sit down. Dumbledore grinned at him almost insanely.
"Remus, my boy, you seem very happy. I see you've brought a suitcase, excellent! Lemon Drop?" Remus looked at him strangely. "You got me strangely attached to these things. They're quite good," Dumbledore said easily. Remus snorted, but extended his hand to Dumbledore for a few. He popped the sweet round candy into his mouth and relished their tangy taste.
"Do you have it ready, Albus?" Remus asked impatiently through his mouthful of candy, earning a disproving snort from McGonagall. He ignored her, and Albus chuckled merrily, standing up from the grass in an amazingly graceful manner. Remus jumped up too and quickly followed Dumbledore as he strode purposefully across the ground, waving happily to the woman behind him.
As they arrived in his office, Dumbledore held out two objects that glimmered in the afternoon light. One Remus recognized as an old invisibility cloak and Remus felt his chest tighten slightly at the reminder of his school days. The other was an object that Remus had seen only in books and was wholly anxious to examine.
The hand size hourglass looked rather like a time turner, though its bright purple sand was magically held in the top of the cone. A knob was pushed into the lower half of the hourglass, and on it was a series of numbers, all indicating the point in time that you were trying to reach. Remus reached for the Anteeo Ambulo and gently let his hand touch the smooth glass. Dumbledore silently extended the objects to him, sensing that he would need a moment of silence.
Remus held the objects to him and looked up at Dumbledore, who smiled at him healingly.
"Here's a portkey, Remus. Put this on-" he extended the invisibility cloak- "and push the dial in on this Anteeo Ambulo. Once you're in the future- you should be in my office- this portkey will take you to a safe apparition point in New York. You'll be on your own from there, okay?" Dumbledore asked, holding out everything. Remus nodded, and shifted his case so that it was securely under his arm before taking the portkey into one hand, and throwing the cloak over him. In one swift movement, Remus had firmly pressed in on the dial of the Anteeo Ambulo, and he was sucked through time and space.
All around him, wild green flames dances, tunneling around him in rough flashes. Beneath him, he saw a long white expanse, numbers and letters on it. Remus realized, fast as he was moving, that the numbers were exact dates, times, and that the letter's were all the things that had happened then. The flames danced around him and Remus saw, much to his surprise, that there were other people in the time tunnel. He could see them through the green blazes, blurred and limp, and he wondered to him self he looked like them, lifeless and floating uneasily in the air. Time hurtles past him, and it was then that Remus noticed the noise. Around him, Screams, laughter, shrieks, conversation, and even silence, ripped through the air in the moments of time in which they had happened. Such loud noise-there was so much of it- but really it was so quiet to. Remus focused on the silence; he had never before heard such loud silence, and then, he felt a jolt as he was pitched headfirst into one of the numbers beneath him.
The white expanse he fell on to was hard like stone, though he passed through it. All around him was a colorless expanse so complete it was frightening. Neither white nor clear (for if it was clear, and there was nothing to see, what would you see?) the color lacking room extended forever, through all time, through all space, through all existing substances. Remus watched as he resided in the space, no longer floating, though not really standing either.
'I am standing on time,' Remus thought, and the revelation was so startling that he jerked and the precise balance he hadn't realized he had to keep was shattered, and he fell, a long rushing fall, into time once more. Above him, he could now see a white box, just large enough for his feet, which he had fallen off of.
And that's when the scenes started. Past him flashed the entire history of the world, scenes of every person's life, scenes of every horror, or joy, or achievement. He experienced every life that had ever been, would be, could be, and because he was a caring person, cried and laughed, and was frightened for each and every person or animal as he experienced their life. And when it was over, he was drained, emotional drained, for now he knew how it felt to be virtually anyone, rather in past or future, and he recognized all the bad in the world, and started, much to his own shock, to cry, a whimpering, sniffling, snuffling, shaking cry that echoed through time, through all time.
'This,' Remus thought to himself, 'is surely the past of future.'
And it was then that he was hurtled through a single dark spot in a sea of no colors, before landing, still covered by the cloak, still gripping his suitcase and the Anteeo Ambulo, in Dumbledore's future office, Dumbledore himself sitting there, talking to a boy that looked suspiciously like James.