Alright, I know it's been far too long since I updated this thing. I've been struggling to find the motivation, so big thanks to the people who have left reviews lately asking for an update as it's pretty much the sole reason this is being posted.
Number five was the winner by the slim margin of one, so here it is. I'm also going to try and update With a Twist as well so please look out for that as well!
««« ×ǁ CAN OPENER CHRONICLES ǁ× »»»
As the sound of his alarm fills his bedroom, he instinctively reaches out for her, just as he's been doing almost every morning for the past three weeks. Except, this time, he finds nothing but the cold sheets under his fingertips.
His mouth quickly morphs into a frown before he remembers she didn't come home with him last night. And just as he spent the majority of the evening doing, he once again tries to convince himself that it's not a big deal – that he shouldn't read too much into it.
He keeps telling himself that it's just one night, but the thing is, it bothers him.
No matter how much he tries to stop himself from worrying, he can't help it. He's worried.
When he stopped by her office last night, ready to take her home and get something to eat, she told him that she had made plans with Katrina, who she claimed was in desperate need of some advice. He was visibly disappointed, but he told her he understood. He knows he can't hog all of her time outside of the office – no matter how much he wants to.
So, he gave her a kiss and told her to have Ray drop her off at his place afterwards. She responded with a smile, but declined the offer, telling him that they'd probably be out late and that she'd just see him tomorrow.
He spent a considerable amount of time trying to convince her otherwise – assuring her that he didn't care how late it was and that he wanted to have breakfast with her in the morning, but she thwarted all of his attempts.
Her excuse was wanting to catch an early spin class and then she jokingly argued that it was his fault she hadn't made more than two classes in the three weeks they had been together.
He threw everything at her – the pout, the puppy dog eyes, the assurances that she was perfect and didn't need exercise of any kind, but she just rolled her eyes and held her ground.
Eventually, he realized he was starting to sound too needy and gave in – told her to have fun and that he'd pick her up for work in the morning. She smiled and gave him a quick kiss before sashaying out of her office to find Katrina.
That's when Harvey proceeded to go home and freak the fuck out.
He knew it shouldn't be a big deal. He knew spending a night apart didn't warrant the anxiety that was rippling through him.
But still, he just couldn't shake the unease he was feeling.
It's just… for the first two weeks they had been together, they spent every single night together. Even that one night she got drinks with a friend after work, she still came home to him – no matter what time it was.
But then, this last weekend she claimed she had to go visit her parents in Cortland and now she's insisting on spending the night at her place.
He just has this gut feeling that something isn't right, and it scares him beyond belief.
It's always been his greatest fear – the idea that she'd leave him someday. It's the reason why he let twelve and a half years go by without telling her how he felt. Because he was too goddamn scared of it all falling apart.
But as petrified as he used to be – the idea of losing her has only become more terrifying since they got together.
Finally having her in the way he's always wanted, it's even better than he ever imagined. He's honestly never felt happier than he's been in these last three weeks.
It was barely a few days in and he knew he wanted her forever. She is it for him – he's certain of it.
So, the thought of losing that… just the idea of it elicits this tightening in his chest he hasn't felt since his last panic attack. If he lets himself truly consider it – his throat gets dry, his stomach twists in knots, his whole body gets tense and he can never seem to get enough oxygen into his lungs.
He genuinely can't think of anything worse than losing what they have.
As his alarm starts to blare once again, he immediately reaches out and turns it off before quickly jumping out of bed, trying to shake these horrific thoughts from his mind.
He just needs to see her. He needs some reassurance that everything between them is okay – that he's just being paranoid.
So, he takes the fastest shower of his life and gets dressed as quickly as possible, not even bothering to make himself a cup of coffee before he heads out the door to meet Ray.
He fidgets the whole way over, playing with his tie, fiddling with his phone, tapping his fingers against his knee… he's just a mess.
And he's clearly not doing a good job of hiding his unease because Ray doesn't even try to make his usual small talk, obviously attempting to give him some space.
The second they pull over in front of her place, he says a quick word to his driver and hops out of the car. After practically speed walking into her building, he impatiently waits for the elevator, before swiftly making his way to her apartment.
Doing his best to shake all of the negative thoughts from his mind, he lifts his knuckles to her door and knocks.
"One second!" She calls out as he hears her shuffling around inside. Then, just a few beats later, she opens the door. "Hey, I could've come down," she says, with a touch of surprise in her voice.
"I know," he shrugs as he steps into her apartment, trying to read her for clues. "I just wanted a few minutes alone with you before we have to spend the next twelve hours being… professional," he explains as his palms land on her waist.
"Hmm… that's sweet," she says with a smile as she wraps her arms around his neck. "But you better not be trying to seduce me, Harvey Specter," she warns, jokingly narrowing her eyes at him. "I have a nine o'clock meeting I cannot be late for," she explains.
"What, I can't be sweet without you thinking I have ulterior motives?" He asks, his eyebrows knitting together while she responds with a laugh. "I just… I missed you last night… and this morning," he admits, searching her face for a sign.
"I missed you, too," she promises, a soft smile growing on her lips, before she leans in and gives him a kiss that just doesn't last long enough. "But we better get going," she mentions as she grabs his elbow and pulls him along.
He lets her drag him down the hallway for a few steps before he stops her and reaches out for her hand, interlocking their fingers. She throws him an affectionate glance, but then she goes back to leading him away from her apartment.
He spends the entire ride to work with her hand in his as he subtly watches her. He's desperately trying to get a read on her, attempting to figure out if anything appears out of the ordinary, but she seems exactly the same as she did yesterday. He tries to see that as a good sign, but there's still something in the back of his mind making him think something is off.
As Ray pulls up in front of the firm, she squeezes his hand and gives him a kiss that's still too short, and he's just not sure if it should make him feel better or worse.
(→→ ←←)
"So… how was last night?" He asks while they're sitting on the couch together, later that evening.
The workday inched along slower than he could even comprehend. Despite the fact that he had plenty of work to do, he couldn't focus on any of it – his mind always seeming to go back to Donna. He spent almost the entire day just wanting to get her alone so he could try to figure all of this out.
Except now that it's just the two of them, he has no idea how to go about doing that.
"It was good," she tells him, noncommittally.
He waits for her to elaborate, but unsurprisingly, she doesn't. She's been like this all night – too quiet for his liking, and just not herself. It's doing absolutely nothing to ease his anxiety.
He's honestly terrified to bring it up, but the thoughts swirling around in his head are driving him insane. He briefly considers waiting it out and calling Lipschutz in the morning, but he already knows what the man will say. He'll just tell him to talk to her about it – to be open and honest and tell her how he's feeling.
Still, the thought of actually doing that causes a panic to flow through him.
But he knows he has to. As scary as it is to talk, it's the not talking that's always gotten him into trouble.
Taking a deep breath, he tries to prepare himself for whatever could happen as a result of the conversation, but he knows that no amount of breathing will lessen the unease he's feeling.
"Donna… is everything… are you… are you okay?" He asks her, turning his body so he's facing her, allowing himself to get a good look at her.
She throws him a questioning glance before she nods her head and responds with a "Yeah, I'm fine." Clearly, she reads the look of disbelief on him because she quickly follows it up with a "Just… you know, tired," she shrugs. "I got home so late last night and then I was up at six for spin… and I really need to stop missing class because this morning was way harder than I remember," she tells him with a forced chuckle.
"Okay," he says, nodding his head, desperately wanting to believe what she's saying. Except, he just doesn't. He can't explain it, but he has this overwhelming feeling that something else is going on with her and he just needs to know what.
She offers him a small smile, but then she seems to catch him searching her eyes and immediately turns her attention back to the television. And yeah, he really doesn't like that.
"Hey," he says, softly, as he cups the back of her head, allowing his fingers to get tangled in her hair while he encourages her to look at him. "Are you sure there's nothing else going on?" He questions, practically suffocating in his anxiety.
"What do you mean?" She responds, tilting her head as her eyes are clouded with confusion.
"It's just… I don't know… lately, you seem…off," he concludes after struggling to find the right words. "I mean… are you even happy?" He asks, letting the words slip, as he waits for her response with baited breath.
"What?" She questions as a frown touches her lips and her eyebrows knit together. "Why would you ask me that?" She questions, surprise and bewilderment coloring her features.
"Because… you've just been different, recently," he explains, unable to keep his frustrated panic on a leash. "And it's stressing me out," he admits, brimming with nerves.
"I've been different?" She asks, skeptically. "How so?" She presses.
"Well… in the fifteen years I've known you, you've never gone to Cortland unless it was a holiday or there was some specific reason you needed to go… but then, we're together for a couple weeks and suddenly you're planning a random long weekend with your parents just because?" he points out, just getting started.
"And then last night… your excuse for not coming over – it just seemed… weird," he says. "I mean, there's a spin studio a block over from my condo, but suddenly you have to use the one near your place?" he points out. "And even if you did, you could've asked me to stay over, but you didn't," he notes. "And then this morning and tonight… I don't know, my gut is just telling me that something isn't right," he tries to explain.
"It's making me feel like maybe… maybe you're having second thoughts," he admits as he tries his best not to completely spiral out of control.
"Harvey…" she says as she flashes him a sympathetic look. "I'm not having second thoughts," she promises. "I'm sorry I made you think that," she apologizes as she gently caresses his cheek.
"Then what's going on?" He implores, needing to know.
Letting out a sigh, she momentarily gazes around the room as she tries to gather her thoughts. "I guess I… I've just been trying to slow myself down a bit," she explains with a shrug of her shoulders.
"Why?" He asks, completely confused.
"Because… maybe I'm afraid of diving into this headfirst and you changing your mind… maybe I'm afraid that you're gonna have second thoughts," she shrugs as she completely turns his world upside down.
"Donna, that… that's not going to happen," he guarantees. The thought is so preposterous to him, he can't even believe she would worry about such a thing. These past few weeks – it's been more happiness than he knows what to do with. He can't fathom ever wanting anything other than this for the rest of his life.
"Harvey, it's not like you've historically had the longest attention span when it comes to women," she points out, momentarily avoiding his gaze. The words hit him right in the chest, making his stomach twist as he sees her concerns bubbling to the surface. It hurts that she thinks of him that way, but what's worse is that he can't even blame her – he can't even deny it.
"Hey," he says, framing her face with his hands and encouraging her to look his way. "You've been holding my attention for thirteen years," he declares, pausing to meet her eyes. "Trust me, that's not about to stop now," he promises her, waiting to see the recognition in her gaze.
"Okay," she says, seemingly trying to let his words sink in, desperate to believe him.
But, he can see she still needs more convincing. "Look, I know how I've acted in the past – and you're right about how I was with other women," he confirms. "But, you're different – you've always been different," he emphasizes, praying she believes it. "Just please trust me when I say that I never would have started something with you if I didn't think it would last," he tells her, his fingers falling through her hair. "You've always been the person I was terrified to risk – and I never would've done it if I wasn't absolutely sure," he promises her. "Please believe that," he implores.
"I believe you," she says, her voice soft and her eyes shining with emotion.
"Good," he nods, looking relieved. Getting his hands on her waist, he encourages her to maneuver her body so she's straddling his lap, just needing her close. "So, you'll stop holding back from me?" He pleads, wanting to make sure. "Because I just – I really don't like it."
"I know… I'm sorry," she tells him, looking apologetic and a little embarrassed. "I'm just… scared," she shrugs.
"So am I," he divulges. "I mean… I always said that I'd never let myself be in the position my dad was in – where he loved my mom so much that when she left, he was just… a mess," he explains. "I never wanted to feel like that… but with you? You've been the most important person in my life for so long… and if you ever left…" he hesitates, struggling to maintain his composure at the thought. "It would seriously ruin me," he confesses, his eyes becoming a bit glassy. "And that's just… it's scary as hell."
"Harvey… I'm not leaving you," she promises him, lovingly caressing his cheek. "These past few weeks… I've been so happy that it… it terrifies me," she admits with a watery smile.
"Me too," he tells her, resting his forehead against hers, as they hold each other.
He lets a few silent moments pass by, the only noise in the apartment is the quiet hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen and the miscellaneous sounds of the city. When he inches back just a touch, he meets her eyes and asks, "So, are we in agreement then? We're stuck with each other?"
Donna just laughs, lovingly shaking her head at him as her fingers run through his hair. "Yeah, we are," she agrees, a grin ghosting her lips.
"Good," he says, practically buzzing with happiness. "That's all I want," he adds with a matching smile.
"Me too."
««« ×ǁ CAN OPENER CHRONICLES ǁ× »»»
You know what to do:
One: Clearly, she's just not ready to hear everything he wants to confess. And the last thing he wants to do is spook her, so instead, he keeps holding it all in. Except, with each passing day, it just gets harder and harder not to tell her everything.
Two: "Remind me to show you my appreciation later tonight," she whispers, raising her eyebrows to silently convey her implication. "Oh, I won't let you forget," he quips with a flash of that Cheshire cat grin that made her fall in love with him all those years ago.
Three: He almost wants to laugh at the look on her face – eyes wider than he's ever seen and her gaping mouth completely speechless. Except, he's way too panicked to even think about laughing. He's desperately trying to figure her out; but, as is usually the case, she's completely unreadable. "Donna, say something," he pleads.
Four: She knows Harvey and his cries for help don't get much more obvious than this… She thinks she should probably let it be – leave it for his girlfriend to deal with. Except, logic never seems to matter when it comes to him, not when he's sitting there, alone, and so obviously distressed. Yeah, she can't do it anymore – she can't pretend she doesn't notice.
Five: As the night goes on, they are slowly inching closer and closer. The air between them is charged and their brains are fuzzy. All he can think about is how badly he wants to touch her.