I miss you, you know. I know I saw you just a few hours ago
but I guess even the best of us can't be completely unselfish. I want you to be
here. I want your undivided attention and I don't want you to leave. I don't
want you to go off to university and leave me here alone. I don't want to be
alone anymore. You make me feel like maybe it's alright to be weak. Maybe it's
not weakness at all, and if it is then maybe it's a blessing not a curse as
I've believed for so long. You make me want to lie in your arms until the whole
world crumbles, responsibility be damned. And I admit it: that scares me. But I
crave it; I need it more than I've ever needed anything. The days I don't see
you, I have trouble smiling. Like my smile's tainted and crooked because the world
isn't right. All because I couldn't hear you laugh, couldn't see the way you
smile at me, how you tilt your head when you're confused.
I hate it sometimes how you can make me smile without even trying. I hate how I
can't make you stay. I hate how everything was perfect until I remembered
you're leaving and I can't do anything about it. I hate how selfish and
childish I sound and I hate that it's all because of you. I hate how I can't
hate you; I hate how you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I hate
the world sometimes for taking you away from me. And I feel stupid for feeling
this way but I can't help it.
Everything's just so different now and I can't help but think that maybe I'm
only imagining that you smile differently for me. Maybe it's just a trick of
the light that your eyes seem to brighten when you catch me staring at you.
Maybe I've tricked myself into believing that you relax a little bit when I'm
around. Maybe this is all just fate's way of punishing me for a sin I've yet to
commit. Snape says you've been happier in the past few months. I wonder if I
had anything to do with it. Everyone seems to think I've changed you, but I
don't think I have. I think you've changed me. I think they're only just
realizing how sweet you can be, how much they've missed when they spent all
that time despising you. I'm sorry by the way. For not giving you a chance at
the beginning. I was told to stay away and I did. Never mind the fact that my
own judgment was telling me that you and I would be a great team. That even
when you were doing something I knew was going to get me in trouble I was
trying not to smile because you were just so damned cute while you were doing
it. I really am sorry.
But I'm even sorrier for the people who haven't gotten to know you as well as I
have. I'm sorry for all the people who've pushed you away because of silly
things like pride and ego. I'm sorry I was almost one of those people. And I'm
sorry I can't let you go so easily. I'm sorry I can't stand the thought of not
seeing you everyday and I'm sorry that I'm being so selfish about the whole
deal. I have no right to be and I know that but I'm going to miss you so much
and I can't stand the thought of not being able to just see you and have
everything be ok again. I guess it's sort of silly of me to be this attached
but I can't help it. I can't help but wonder if it's all going to screw me over
in the end and I can't help but wonder why I can't bring myself to care.
Yours,
Harry Potter
Draco smiled softly and shook his head, laying the letter on the table. He would show Harry just how selfish he could be in the morning.