[[Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot of this here story.]]
I don't invite him in. Again, it is extremely rude but I do not wish to speak, why should I make things easier for him? My logic is that of a 20 year old elfling. I am painfully aware of this yet I do not seem to care in the slightest.
He is looking at me expectantly and I look back, eyes locked, unwavering. On any normal occasion I would not hesitate to grant my Lord access to my chambers but these are hardly what one could call normal circumstances. He blinks and looks away sharply and I allow myself but a moment of grim satisfaction at having won this round.
"Was there something I could aid you with My Lord?" I ask, knowing full I have just offered the opening I know he will take. I sometimes miss the day when my life was my own and I answered to no one. Alas, that day was lost when I left my homeland in search of 'New Dwellings'. To become a Trainer of Arms and Tutor to those few Elfing's born into the Royal household was not exactly on the top of my mental list of hopes for life, but it was a start and grew to be a pleasure.
"Yes, Erestor, there is." He says, sounding every inch of official stature his being possess'. "May I join you?" I contemplate denying him access but he is My Lord Elrond and I will do what I must to accommodate him. However much I dislike the timing.
"It is your choice My Lord." Who said I was to make things easy for him? I should, without a doubt, start acting the age I am. Truly, I should. And I will... Some day that, for the sake of my sanity, is not today.
I step aside and wait for him to enter. As he walks across the threshold, I start to close the door and as I do so, I notice him striding, almost gliding towards the table where the decanter of wine still sits with the empty wine glass at its side.
I turn around to face him when the door is firmly shut and see him looking at me, holding the decanter in one hand and the glass in the other. I incline my head and he takes it as a sign that he can invade my wine decanter and soil my clean wine glass. I hadn't the heart to tell him my inclination of the head meant I wish to be alone and preferably not talk about anything to anyone this evening.
It is made clear to me that my stony persona is doing anything but discouraging My Lord Elrond so I sigh, giving in to the inevitable and re- take my seat in the arm chair I'd only just vacated. I made a sweeping gesture with my right hand for the other elf to take the opposite seat. I watched as Lord Elrond moved with the grace my kin are known throughout the lands for as he sat down, my spare, not soiled, wine glass in hand.
"Erestor." He says, and I can 'hear' the sympathetic glint to his tone. It curls the deepest regions of my insides to hear it, I cannot help but avert my eyes so I'm staring now at the blazing fire. He mistakes my movement for one of guilt and I can see how he might think such a thing. Though it makes me rethink how much My Lord Elrond actually knows me. "Why would you of all Elves at that meeting, rise from your seat and walk out as you did?" He knows, I know he knows... I answer him nonetheless.
"As utterly odd as it may sound, Lord Elrond, I left because I could not be near the Istar a moment longer than I was. For if I did in fact, choose to stay to listen to the remainder of the meeting, I would have surely done something I would more than likely regret now." My voice takes on a very un- elf-like mocking tone the twins would be proud of. That thought alone causes me to inwardly smile. "I do not ask you pardon, My Lord. My actions were justified, as I'm sure the Istar's were." I hear him sigh and I find it strange that I do nothing to ease his obvious internal distress.
"The Istar had his reasons, Erestor as you well know." My eyes flash, I feel them do so as they lock with Elrond's. Forgo the 'Lord', now, he is just Elrond. My hand grips my glass tightly.
"Well if the Istar has reasons; let us all bow down to him now then shall we?" My voice is thick with sarcasm even my inner-self winces. "He was not here in the last Alliance, he does not know more than what the records state. What in the name of Valar gives him the right... the audacity to step into Imladris, an ELVEN HOME LAND NO LESS, and speak that tongue? Who gave him that right Elrond? WHO?" I realise I am pacing now, my glass long forgotten as it lies on its side on the carpeted section of the floor by the hearth of the fireplace where I dropped it.
"You were there before! You know what it was like; you know the things we ALL witnessed. And yet you stood and listened to him recite that vile and disgusting language and accept it when he begs not even for pardon?" He doesn't move from the seat though his eyes follow my every movement. "How many of our kin died in that final battle? How many died being tortured listening to that speech? How many died from orders uttered in that tongue?"
"You know how many perished, Erestor." He answers almost too quiet for me to hear. If not for my Elven ears I would not have heard.
"AND HOW MANY WILL YET DIE?" I roar, he winces. "Your sons? Your daughter?" His head snaps up and his eyes narrow. I am finally gauging a reaction, I feel no satisfaction however. "GLORFINDEL? Would you see our oldest friend, our brother sent to Mandos for a second time?" There are tears flowing freely down my face I realise. I do not remember when they first sprung free from their confines.
"Erestor..." He tries to speak... no doubt un-used to seeing me in such an emotional state. I cannot blame him.
"No. Elrond, no. I have had enough. 5147 years, Elrond. Five thousand, one hundred and forty-seven years I've walked the shores of Middle-Earth. I was born when the Lord Celeborn came into his majority at the age of 100 - as too was I there when the fair Lady Galadriel came to that age. I watched you grow up from afar, I watched you as Herald of King Gil-Galad, I saw your relationship with him, I saw your reaction when he fell, both Glorfindel and myself helped you ease out of your depression, we witnessed you falling in love once more, and we watched you father three beautiful, talented children... Then we watched as you sank into depression once more when Lady Celebrian left for Valinor." I pause, over-whelmed myself at the words pouring from my mouth.
"In the last Alliance Elves lost a lot. I lost my mother and my sister, to torture at the hands of a band of orcs, I lost my father in the battle that Gil-Galad fell, and I lost my brothers in the final battle. I lost everything I held close to my heart by the order of that tongue and you allow its speech here in Imladris." The last word uttered was uttered as a mere whisper. I am now stood in front of the only window in this room. My arms hang limp at my sides and my forehead rests upon the glass making my weariness clear to the elf behind me.
"Erestor." He speaks after what seems like an age but is not even a minute. "I understand Mellonamin." He takes the place beside me and I feel his hand rest on my shoulder. But as much as I want to, I do not lean into it. No, instead, I step away from him.
"With all respect, just and due... you understand nothing My Lord." When I speak, I look him directly in the eye. "Had my loyalties lain anywhere other than to this land, I would have left for Valinor at the beginning of the third age. You have shown me kindness and friendship, your sons keep my spirits high, your daughter keeps my heart from freezing," I can tell he is shocked by my confessions but I continue.
"Both Glorfindel and Legolas keep me sane... I will say my farewell to him before he departs with the Fellowship, I will bid my farewell to all who helped me survive all these long years, and then when the first ship set's sail, heading into the West, I shall be aboard." With these words spoken, I turn on my heel and exit my chambers.
I really enjoyed writing this chapter. I started it, wrote a few paragraphs and then left it for a while. When I came back to it however, I wrote and wrote and just kept going until I deemed it fit for viewing. T'was a joy to write.
I hope you enjoyed it. Review!!
Thank you!
A Counsellor's Musings – Outburst
I don't invite him in. Again, it is extremely rude but I do not wish to speak, why should I make things easier for him? My logic is that of a 20 year old elfling. I am painfully aware of this yet I do not seem to care in the slightest.
He is looking at me expectantly and I look back, eyes locked, unwavering. On any normal occasion I would not hesitate to grant my Lord access to my chambers but these are hardly what one could call normal circumstances. He blinks and looks away sharply and I allow myself but a moment of grim satisfaction at having won this round.
"Was there something I could aid you with My Lord?" I ask, knowing full I have just offered the opening I know he will take. I sometimes miss the day when my life was my own and I answered to no one. Alas, that day was lost when I left my homeland in search of 'New Dwellings'. To become a Trainer of Arms and Tutor to those few Elfing's born into the Royal household was not exactly on the top of my mental list of hopes for life, but it was a start and grew to be a pleasure.
"Yes, Erestor, there is." He says, sounding every inch of official stature his being possess'. "May I join you?" I contemplate denying him access but he is My Lord Elrond and I will do what I must to accommodate him. However much I dislike the timing.
"It is your choice My Lord." Who said I was to make things easy for him? I should, without a doubt, start acting the age I am. Truly, I should. And I will... Some day that, for the sake of my sanity, is not today.
I step aside and wait for him to enter. As he walks across the threshold, I start to close the door and as I do so, I notice him striding, almost gliding towards the table where the decanter of wine still sits with the empty wine glass at its side.
I turn around to face him when the door is firmly shut and see him looking at me, holding the decanter in one hand and the glass in the other. I incline my head and he takes it as a sign that he can invade my wine decanter and soil my clean wine glass. I hadn't the heart to tell him my inclination of the head meant I wish to be alone and preferably not talk about anything to anyone this evening.
It is made clear to me that my stony persona is doing anything but discouraging My Lord Elrond so I sigh, giving in to the inevitable and re- take my seat in the arm chair I'd only just vacated. I made a sweeping gesture with my right hand for the other elf to take the opposite seat. I watched as Lord Elrond moved with the grace my kin are known throughout the lands for as he sat down, my spare, not soiled, wine glass in hand.
"Erestor." He says, and I can 'hear' the sympathetic glint to his tone. It curls the deepest regions of my insides to hear it, I cannot help but avert my eyes so I'm staring now at the blazing fire. He mistakes my movement for one of guilt and I can see how he might think such a thing. Though it makes me rethink how much My Lord Elrond actually knows me. "Why would you of all Elves at that meeting, rise from your seat and walk out as you did?" He knows, I know he knows... I answer him nonetheless.
"As utterly odd as it may sound, Lord Elrond, I left because I could not be near the Istar a moment longer than I was. For if I did in fact, choose to stay to listen to the remainder of the meeting, I would have surely done something I would more than likely regret now." My voice takes on a very un- elf-like mocking tone the twins would be proud of. That thought alone causes me to inwardly smile. "I do not ask you pardon, My Lord. My actions were justified, as I'm sure the Istar's were." I hear him sigh and I find it strange that I do nothing to ease his obvious internal distress.
"The Istar had his reasons, Erestor as you well know." My eyes flash, I feel them do so as they lock with Elrond's. Forgo the 'Lord', now, he is just Elrond. My hand grips my glass tightly.
"Well if the Istar has reasons; let us all bow down to him now then shall we?" My voice is thick with sarcasm even my inner-self winces. "He was not here in the last Alliance, he does not know more than what the records state. What in the name of Valar gives him the right... the audacity to step into Imladris, an ELVEN HOME LAND NO LESS, and speak that tongue? Who gave him that right Elrond? WHO?" I realise I am pacing now, my glass long forgotten as it lies on its side on the carpeted section of the floor by the hearth of the fireplace where I dropped it.
"You were there before! You know what it was like; you know the things we ALL witnessed. And yet you stood and listened to him recite that vile and disgusting language and accept it when he begs not even for pardon?" He doesn't move from the seat though his eyes follow my every movement. "How many of our kin died in that final battle? How many died being tortured listening to that speech? How many died from orders uttered in that tongue?"
"You know how many perished, Erestor." He answers almost too quiet for me to hear. If not for my Elven ears I would not have heard.
"AND HOW MANY WILL YET DIE?" I roar, he winces. "Your sons? Your daughter?" His head snaps up and his eyes narrow. I am finally gauging a reaction, I feel no satisfaction however. "GLORFINDEL? Would you see our oldest friend, our brother sent to Mandos for a second time?" There are tears flowing freely down my face I realise. I do not remember when they first sprung free from their confines.
"Erestor..." He tries to speak... no doubt un-used to seeing me in such an emotional state. I cannot blame him.
"No. Elrond, no. I have had enough. 5147 years, Elrond. Five thousand, one hundred and forty-seven years I've walked the shores of Middle-Earth. I was born when the Lord Celeborn came into his majority at the age of 100 - as too was I there when the fair Lady Galadriel came to that age. I watched you grow up from afar, I watched you as Herald of King Gil-Galad, I saw your relationship with him, I saw your reaction when he fell, both Glorfindel and myself helped you ease out of your depression, we witnessed you falling in love once more, and we watched you father three beautiful, talented children... Then we watched as you sank into depression once more when Lady Celebrian left for Valinor." I pause, over-whelmed myself at the words pouring from my mouth.
"In the last Alliance Elves lost a lot. I lost my mother and my sister, to torture at the hands of a band of orcs, I lost my father in the battle that Gil-Galad fell, and I lost my brothers in the final battle. I lost everything I held close to my heart by the order of that tongue and you allow its speech here in Imladris." The last word uttered was uttered as a mere whisper. I am now stood in front of the only window in this room. My arms hang limp at my sides and my forehead rests upon the glass making my weariness clear to the elf behind me.
"Erestor." He speaks after what seems like an age but is not even a minute. "I understand Mellonamin." He takes the place beside me and I feel his hand rest on my shoulder. But as much as I want to, I do not lean into it. No, instead, I step away from him.
"With all respect, just and due... you understand nothing My Lord." When I speak, I look him directly in the eye. "Had my loyalties lain anywhere other than to this land, I would have left for Valinor at the beginning of the third age. You have shown me kindness and friendship, your sons keep my spirits high, your daughter keeps my heart from freezing," I can tell he is shocked by my confessions but I continue.
"Both Glorfindel and Legolas keep me sane... I will say my farewell to him before he departs with the Fellowship, I will bid my farewell to all who helped me survive all these long years, and then when the first ship set's sail, heading into the West, I shall be aboard." With these words spoken, I turn on my heel and exit my chambers.
I really enjoyed writing this chapter. I started it, wrote a few paragraphs and then left it for a while. When I came back to it however, I wrote and wrote and just kept going until I deemed it fit for viewing. T'was a joy to write.
I hope you enjoyed it. Review!!
Thank you!