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A Counsellor's Musings - Goodbye.
The direction I am walking in completely eludes me. I just know that wherever I am walking it's away from Elrond. I have been walking for a turn of the hour glass but this fact does not startle me. If I am honest with myself, I am glad I have had this time to allow a cool to settle my anger. I would do no one a favorsom deed should I have met them in the enraged state I was in when I exited my chambers.
It took me the time it takes the hour glass to half empty to realise I Was being followed. Granted, it was from afar and discreet but one never likes to be followed. I suspect however, that whoever it is, is merely watching over me; perhaps to keep me from doing something richly idiotic. I almost snorted at that thought alone! If I had had the mind to do something even remotely 'richly idiotic', I doubt even Glorfindel could restrain me.
Alas, my silent and distant escort needn't have bothered, as I am not in a suicidal state of being at this particular moment in time.
I stop my brisk walk and settle myself on one of the corner stone benches in the western courtyard of the 'Palace'. I sit and wait for my mystery stalker to show himself, or indeed, herself as the wide spectrum of stalkers are not settled solely on the one sex. When the figure draws closer to the wider reaches of my senses, I smile, realising who it is that has decided to play 'Stalk Erestor' this evening.
"Estel!" I call out to the Heir to the throne of Gondor, urging him to come out into the night's light. I hear a warm chuckle emanate from the evergreen shrubbery to my left and I find it difficult not to smile in return.
"I could never fool you 'Restor." The ranger grinned at me. My smile transformed into a mocking smirk.
"No one ever can, Estel." I remind him, not bothering to disguise the playful smugness in my voice. "I have the benefit of Five Millennia of experience however; one should not feel discourages when caught out by one as old as I." I gesture for my companion to take a sea beside me.
"May I ask you a question 'Restor?" He asks, breaking no more than a minutes worth of comfortable silence.
"You may at that, young Estel." I incline my head in his direction, motioning him to continue with his question.
"What are you running from?" He asks. The question itself seems completely and utterly innocent, devoid of abnormalities or imperfections. The answer I would have for him however...
"When one has lived as lone as I... one forgets they are running, yet they continue still, no mind to what it was one started running from in the first instance." I answer, as smoothly and as evasive as ever. He expects as much and seems to sense that I wish to talk no more of such things. He changes the subject.
"When the Elves start to depart these shores, will you join them?" He questions and again, it is a mass of innocence. Still, I cannot help the anguished sigh escape my lips. "Erestor?"
"I will be leaving for Valinor with the first departing ship." I say, not looking at him, but up at the night sky. "I have called this land home for many-a-year and I no longer feel that I can call it such. In a sordid, shallow way, it is spoiled. Black speech plagues my mind and everywhere I turn I hear the Istar reciting it. No longer can I bare it." I can practically 'feel' the next question on his lips. "Nay, Estel. The sea has not called to me recently." Another question waiting.
My, I do not believe this ranger has ever asked me so much during his entire stay here in Imladris.
"T'was the night before Gil-Galad fell. I ignored its mournful cries, its deafening wails, its pitiful calls... I ignored it all for I was to aid Lord Elrond through his grief. I know that now." I smile wistfully. "But now, no call has the sea sent for me. My call was sent over two-thousand years ago, the sea does not repeat. It offers guidance. I will travel to Valinor upon my own will." We sit in another comfortable silence for a number of minutes before once again.
"Estel, be warned." I'm changing the subject. "Should you hurt Lady Arwen in any way known to you or I, I will not hesitate to seek justice." There is a seriousness to my tone that does not go unnoticed; it tells my companion that I am certainly not jesting.
"She is, to me, a brothers-daughter. My niece, not by blood but by something that means just as much, and I care for her deeply. Her heart is as pure as her mothers and her mind is as stubborn as her fathers. That being so, should she come to harm, I care not that I will be in Valinor, you will suffer. Do you understand?" I finally turn to him and see that all colour has drained from his face. I barely manage to suppress a smile.
"I understand well Erestor. I will never knowingly hurt Arwen." I nod my acceptance and rise from my seat.
"Excuse me Estel, I mean not to be rude, but I have many things to complete before this night is over. May your night be pleasant and your dreams be free from the impending dark." With that said, I turn and walk away.
I find myself, not long after leaving Estel, outside the first of six stable houses we hold here in Imladris. I know from past experience that the twins often occupy this area at this time of the night and on the rare occasion Glorfindel will show his fair-haired-head too. But this night I send a silent prayer to the Valar, asking them that I will find only the twins in the stable house this night.
I compose myself and step through the unlocked stable door.
Inside I see the same eleven compartments I've seen since these houses were first built. Five compartments line each side of the house, each one holding its own horse. The final compartment by far the larger of them all as it houses Elrond's steed.
This house is also home to my own stallion, the twins' horses, Glorfindel's and Arwen's. These five are housed in the five compartments that run down the left of the houses interior. The final five are reserved for special guests such as the Lady Galadriel, Lord Celeborn and their Marchwarden as well as Legolas and Estel or any other.
As I step over the threshold, I stop to allow my eyes to adjust to the torchlight. Focus now corrected, I look around in search for the two figures I came to find. And find them I do. The twins are sat among the hay- stacks that are piled up against the far wall. It takes me a moment longer to notice the bruising that is on what looks to be Elladan's neck and I feel my eyes widen slowly in realisation.
"Elladan!" I call out sharply as I stride forward. Both twins look up at me with a start and I see them share a confused look. I stop in front of them and reach out to grasp Elladan's chin firmly but not painfully. I tilt his head backwards slightly so I can see the bruising clearly in the light.
The Elf in my grasp seems to realise what I am looking at because he tried to back away from me and cover up the marks but my hold is firm. I study the sore area carefully and gasp in horror when I see the unmistakable shape of a hand, as if it had been printed on with ink.
"Why did you not tell me?" I demand, eyes flashing with worry. "I did not realise I had hold of you that hard." I am still trying to look at the injured flesh when I feel a hand settle itself on my shoulder. I instinctively tense up, ready to attack the one at my back but I remember... Elrohir is here also. I release my hold on Elladan's chin but do not step away.
"I... we did not want to worry you 'Restor. We know you meant no harm to me when it happened and had I told you, you would have done exactly what you are doing now: cursing yourself for not being careful, blaming yourself for not realising it before." Elladan explains.
"Then you know me too well, Elladan." I say to him, my eyes never leaving the marred skin. "But why did you not seek a healing salve in the halls?" I ask, near frantic. The looks that adorn their faces tell me that I am behaving in a manner that is not my own.
Elrohir is the first to rouse from his stupor.
"'Restor please!" He cries, almost harshly I falter. "You must calm yourself!" He his guiding me down to sit beside his brother and I do not fight him. "Elladan is fine 'Restor. We are all fine, no one is hurt." I am far too tense to scald the twin on his blatant lie.
I breathe in deeply, and then breathe out slowly. I continue this for a few moments more until I am calm enough to talk again without becoming hysterical.
"I am sorry." I say, my head resting in my hands and my elbows resting on my robe covered knees. "I have been out of battle for so long that I forget the extent of my on strength sometimes. I apologise Elladan, for any hurt I have caused you." I hear both brothers chuckle lightly.
"'Restor how many more times must I repeat myself? I am fine, you need not apologise. Though I would not say no to a lesson in combat from you instead of 'Fin." I snort with laughter despite myself and raise my head once more, meeting eyes with both twins. I sigh, leaning back against the hay behind me.
"I came down here this night to speak with both of you." They sit on either side of me, waiting patiently for me to continue. "When I left you, I met with Legolas. We spoke for a while and I retreated to my chambers for the evening. Not five minutes after I had entered my rooms, your father knocked on my doors. When he entered, we spoke. Or rather, he gave me an opening and I vented my frustrations, my concerns... the concerns that had been building up inside since the council meeting.
"If I were to cut this tale short, I would tell you that I spoke to him a tired elf. I drained myself mentally and emotionally." I see them looking at me, confusion written across each of their faces. "I cannot stay here much longer." I say finally. "I will be leaving these shores with the first ship raises its sails."
They say nothing. Why do they say nothing? Why do they remain silent? It is frustrating waiting for a reaction from those around you when you have spoken something like I have done. Frustrating indeed.
"Why?" Elrohir whispers, staring at me with wide eyes that are slowly filling with salted liquid. I tear my eyes away, feeling them too filling with a similar liquid.
"I can no longer be here in Imladris." I start to explain. "The words the Istar uttered earlier this day haunt me to an extent that I feel as though every step I take is taken on soiled ground." They are too shocked at my words to speak. "A reaction such as this to a mere language should give you an insight into my feelings. It is a vile tongue that brings nothing but hurt, pain and torment. I cannot remain here." I whisper the last statement as I feel the twins wind their arms around me and pull me into and embrace that reminds me of why I live.
I am loved, and I love in return.
This chapter was fun to write so I hope you all enjoy it. What isn't noted at the top is that this chapter is chapter "6a". So there will be no chapter 7, just A and B... and possibly C. It depends on the length really. Review!!
Thank you!
A Counsellor's Musings - Goodbye.
The direction I am walking in completely eludes me. I just know that wherever I am walking it's away from Elrond. I have been walking for a turn of the hour glass but this fact does not startle me. If I am honest with myself, I am glad I have had this time to allow a cool to settle my anger. I would do no one a favorsom deed should I have met them in the enraged state I was in when I exited my chambers.
It took me the time it takes the hour glass to half empty to realise I Was being followed. Granted, it was from afar and discreet but one never likes to be followed. I suspect however, that whoever it is, is merely watching over me; perhaps to keep me from doing something richly idiotic. I almost snorted at that thought alone! If I had had the mind to do something even remotely 'richly idiotic', I doubt even Glorfindel could restrain me.
Alas, my silent and distant escort needn't have bothered, as I am not in a suicidal state of being at this particular moment in time.
I stop my brisk walk and settle myself on one of the corner stone benches in the western courtyard of the 'Palace'. I sit and wait for my mystery stalker to show himself, or indeed, herself as the wide spectrum of stalkers are not settled solely on the one sex. When the figure draws closer to the wider reaches of my senses, I smile, realising who it is that has decided to play 'Stalk Erestor' this evening.
"Estel!" I call out to the Heir to the throne of Gondor, urging him to come out into the night's light. I hear a warm chuckle emanate from the evergreen shrubbery to my left and I find it difficult not to smile in return.
"I could never fool you 'Restor." The ranger grinned at me. My smile transformed into a mocking smirk.
"No one ever can, Estel." I remind him, not bothering to disguise the playful smugness in my voice. "I have the benefit of Five Millennia of experience however; one should not feel discourages when caught out by one as old as I." I gesture for my companion to take a sea beside me.
"May I ask you a question 'Restor?" He asks, breaking no more than a minutes worth of comfortable silence.
"You may at that, young Estel." I incline my head in his direction, motioning him to continue with his question.
"What are you running from?" He asks. The question itself seems completely and utterly innocent, devoid of abnormalities or imperfections. The answer I would have for him however...
"When one has lived as lone as I... one forgets they are running, yet they continue still, no mind to what it was one started running from in the first instance." I answer, as smoothly and as evasive as ever. He expects as much and seems to sense that I wish to talk no more of such things. He changes the subject.
"When the Elves start to depart these shores, will you join them?" He questions and again, it is a mass of innocence. Still, I cannot help the anguished sigh escape my lips. "Erestor?"
"I will be leaving for Valinor with the first departing ship." I say, not looking at him, but up at the night sky. "I have called this land home for many-a-year and I no longer feel that I can call it such. In a sordid, shallow way, it is spoiled. Black speech plagues my mind and everywhere I turn I hear the Istar reciting it. No longer can I bare it." I can practically 'feel' the next question on his lips. "Nay, Estel. The sea has not called to me recently." Another question waiting.
My, I do not believe this ranger has ever asked me so much during his entire stay here in Imladris.
"T'was the night before Gil-Galad fell. I ignored its mournful cries, its deafening wails, its pitiful calls... I ignored it all for I was to aid Lord Elrond through his grief. I know that now." I smile wistfully. "But now, no call has the sea sent for me. My call was sent over two-thousand years ago, the sea does not repeat. It offers guidance. I will travel to Valinor upon my own will." We sit in another comfortable silence for a number of minutes before once again.
"Estel, be warned." I'm changing the subject. "Should you hurt Lady Arwen in any way known to you or I, I will not hesitate to seek justice." There is a seriousness to my tone that does not go unnoticed; it tells my companion that I am certainly not jesting.
"She is, to me, a brothers-daughter. My niece, not by blood but by something that means just as much, and I care for her deeply. Her heart is as pure as her mothers and her mind is as stubborn as her fathers. That being so, should she come to harm, I care not that I will be in Valinor, you will suffer. Do you understand?" I finally turn to him and see that all colour has drained from his face. I barely manage to suppress a smile.
"I understand well Erestor. I will never knowingly hurt Arwen." I nod my acceptance and rise from my seat.
"Excuse me Estel, I mean not to be rude, but I have many things to complete before this night is over. May your night be pleasant and your dreams be free from the impending dark." With that said, I turn and walk away.
I find myself, not long after leaving Estel, outside the first of six stable houses we hold here in Imladris. I know from past experience that the twins often occupy this area at this time of the night and on the rare occasion Glorfindel will show his fair-haired-head too. But this night I send a silent prayer to the Valar, asking them that I will find only the twins in the stable house this night.
I compose myself and step through the unlocked stable door.
Inside I see the same eleven compartments I've seen since these houses were first built. Five compartments line each side of the house, each one holding its own horse. The final compartment by far the larger of them all as it houses Elrond's steed.
This house is also home to my own stallion, the twins' horses, Glorfindel's and Arwen's. These five are housed in the five compartments that run down the left of the houses interior. The final five are reserved for special guests such as the Lady Galadriel, Lord Celeborn and their Marchwarden as well as Legolas and Estel or any other.
As I step over the threshold, I stop to allow my eyes to adjust to the torchlight. Focus now corrected, I look around in search for the two figures I came to find. And find them I do. The twins are sat among the hay- stacks that are piled up against the far wall. It takes me a moment longer to notice the bruising that is on what looks to be Elladan's neck and I feel my eyes widen slowly in realisation.
"Elladan!" I call out sharply as I stride forward. Both twins look up at me with a start and I see them share a confused look. I stop in front of them and reach out to grasp Elladan's chin firmly but not painfully. I tilt his head backwards slightly so I can see the bruising clearly in the light.
The Elf in my grasp seems to realise what I am looking at because he tried to back away from me and cover up the marks but my hold is firm. I study the sore area carefully and gasp in horror when I see the unmistakable shape of a hand, as if it had been printed on with ink.
"Why did you not tell me?" I demand, eyes flashing with worry. "I did not realise I had hold of you that hard." I am still trying to look at the injured flesh when I feel a hand settle itself on my shoulder. I instinctively tense up, ready to attack the one at my back but I remember... Elrohir is here also. I release my hold on Elladan's chin but do not step away.
"I... we did not want to worry you 'Restor. We know you meant no harm to me when it happened and had I told you, you would have done exactly what you are doing now: cursing yourself for not being careful, blaming yourself for not realising it before." Elladan explains.
"Then you know me too well, Elladan." I say to him, my eyes never leaving the marred skin. "But why did you not seek a healing salve in the halls?" I ask, near frantic. The looks that adorn their faces tell me that I am behaving in a manner that is not my own.
Elrohir is the first to rouse from his stupor.
"'Restor please!" He cries, almost harshly I falter. "You must calm yourself!" He his guiding me down to sit beside his brother and I do not fight him. "Elladan is fine 'Restor. We are all fine, no one is hurt." I am far too tense to scald the twin on his blatant lie.
I breathe in deeply, and then breathe out slowly. I continue this for a few moments more until I am calm enough to talk again without becoming hysterical.
"I am sorry." I say, my head resting in my hands and my elbows resting on my robe covered knees. "I have been out of battle for so long that I forget the extent of my on strength sometimes. I apologise Elladan, for any hurt I have caused you." I hear both brothers chuckle lightly.
"'Restor how many more times must I repeat myself? I am fine, you need not apologise. Though I would not say no to a lesson in combat from you instead of 'Fin." I snort with laughter despite myself and raise my head once more, meeting eyes with both twins. I sigh, leaning back against the hay behind me.
"I came down here this night to speak with both of you." They sit on either side of me, waiting patiently for me to continue. "When I left you, I met with Legolas. We spoke for a while and I retreated to my chambers for the evening. Not five minutes after I had entered my rooms, your father knocked on my doors. When he entered, we spoke. Or rather, he gave me an opening and I vented my frustrations, my concerns... the concerns that had been building up inside since the council meeting.
"If I were to cut this tale short, I would tell you that I spoke to him a tired elf. I drained myself mentally and emotionally." I see them looking at me, confusion written across each of their faces. "I cannot stay here much longer." I say finally. "I will be leaving these shores with the first ship raises its sails."
They say nothing. Why do they say nothing? Why do they remain silent? It is frustrating waiting for a reaction from those around you when you have spoken something like I have done. Frustrating indeed.
"Why?" Elrohir whispers, staring at me with wide eyes that are slowly filling with salted liquid. I tear my eyes away, feeling them too filling with a similar liquid.
"I can no longer be here in Imladris." I start to explain. "The words the Istar uttered earlier this day haunt me to an extent that I feel as though every step I take is taken on soiled ground." They are too shocked at my words to speak. "A reaction such as this to a mere language should give you an insight into my feelings. It is a vile tongue that brings nothing but hurt, pain and torment. I cannot remain here." I whisper the last statement as I feel the twins wind their arms around me and pull me into and embrace that reminds me of why I live.
I am loved, and I love in return.
This chapter was fun to write so I hope you all enjoy it. What isn't noted at the top is that this chapter is chapter "6a". So there will be no chapter 7, just A and B... and possibly C. It depends on the length really. Review!!
Thank you!