A/N: The usual disclaimers apply—don't own, slash, blahblahblah. I heart DQ so very much. She's amazing. That being said, bring on the slashy goodness.
Isn't this the best part of breakin' up
Finding someone else you can't get enough of
Someone who wants to be with you too
It's an itch we know we are gonna scratch
Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch
But wouldn't it be beautiful
Here we go, we're at the beginning
We haven't fucked yet, and my head is spinning.
--"Why Can't I?" Liz Phair
"Seth!"
Summer's voice reverberated in the hallway. Seth stopped and turned around just in time to see her trying to run down the hall, but considering the three inch Jimmy Choos she had chosen to compliment her ridiculously short skirt, it was practically impossible to walk any faster than a leisurely stroll. He waited for her.
She stopped in front of him, looking flustered. "We don't walk to Chemistry together any more?"
"Sorry. My brain is kinda fried." He held an arm out to her. "My lady."
"You're such a dork." Summer giggled as they walked towards their classroom.
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"Cohen!" Summer was practically waving her hand in front of Seth's face.
"What?"
"You are so not helping here. We are supposed to be determining whether this stuff is acidic, or, um, basic, I guess."
"Summer, it's two weeks till graduation. This is, like, second grade stuff. It's just busy work because no one feels like teaching seniors who are so close to graduation they can taste it."
Summer lowered her voice and smirked mischievously. "Yeah, well, some of us don't feel like sitting around day dreaming about Chino all day, so maybe you could help me out here, partner."
Seth sat up, looking around, ears red with embarrassment. "Summer!" he hissed. "Shut up!"
Summer smiled. That got his attention. "Seth, in case you haven't noticed, half the class is sleeping, and the other half is pretty much not here. Calm down."
"Why are you even worried about this?"
"I need an A in this class, and Mr. Rodriguez told me that a good class participation grade would help me. Therefore, I am participating. And you are helping." She handed him a stack of little yellow papers. "Dip it, Cohen."
Seth absent-mindedly dipped one of the small papers in a test tube of brown liquid, then held it up to the comparison chart. "Coke's acidity is about 3.4, and I was not thinking about Ryan."
Summer jotted that down, and rolled her eyes. "Right. That's why you, like, forgot that we've walked to Chemistry together for the past nine months. And why you've spent the entire period staring out the window like a thirteen-year-old girl. I totally believe that."
Seth sighed, but he had to admit she was right. Only he was daydreaming, because that was lame. He was thinking, reminiscing, perhaps, but definitely not daydreaming. It was just so hard to act normally, or, rather, normally for Seth, because things were so very different now. He had a boyfriend, which, alone, was really freaking weird and/or awesome, but the kicker was that it was RYAN. Ryan was his boyfriend. They were kissing-type boyfriend people, and dammit, that deserved some thought in the most boring class of all time.
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Turns out, though, every class of the day was the most boring class of all time, and that meant lots of time to think about Ryan, thankfully without Summer's interruption. And by the time the last bell rang, Seth realized that he hadn't heard a word about anything in any of his classes, but he figured that didn't matter. School was almost over, he had pretty much straight As, and he and Ryan had already been accepted to college, so it was all…
Holy shit. College. Berkeley. Ryan and Seth were both going to Berkeley in the fall.
And they were roommates.
Kissing-type, boyfriendly roommate people.
Seth had to talk to Ryan ASAP.
He bounded down the front steps of Harbor, remembering that he and Ryan had planned to meet right after school at the truck. Good plan.
As Seth approached the truck, he saw the definite outline of Summer in the front seat. Good lord.
"What's up?" Seth asked as he climbed in the backseat.
"We're going to hang out in the house of ill repute," Summer replied, never looking back from the visor mirror where she was checking her lip gloss.
"The poolhouse," Ryan responded to Seth's questioning look, shrugging. He backed out of the parking lot.
Summer turned towards Seth. "Of all people, Cohen, I would think that you would you could recognize the ancient art of handling a weird situation with humor." She smiled, and despite the slightly bitchy quality to her voice, Seth knew she was trying, so he reciprocated.
"Summer, dear, whatever could be weird about hanging out with your overly talkative ex-boyfriend and his verbally unresponsive, facially expressive mute?"
You know what's cool, Seth thought as Summer laughed. Saying it outloud.
Ryan, however, was frowning. "I am not verbally unresponsive. I just don't feel it necessary to fill every silence with nearly incoherent babbling." He caught Seth's eyes in the rearview mirror and smiled.
Seth winced, clutching his check in mock pain. "Oh, you wound me. So, what is the plan for this afternoon? And before you even ask, Summer, we're not having a threesome."
Ryan snorted a laugh, and Summer rolled her eyes. "Oh, Cohen, you should be so lucky. I don't know, I just thought we could hang out. Let me get acclimated to the idea of you guys being, like, together. It's not like we never hang out anyway. And since Coop has holed herself up in her room with her vodka and her broken heart…" Summer trailed off as Ryan very visibly tensed up.
Seth subconsciously put his hand on Ryan's shoulder and squeezed affectionately.
Summer reached over and rested her hand on Ryan's arm. "I'm sorry, Ryan." Her voice was tender. "But, honestly, it's not your fault. You totally did the right thing by breaking up with her, and not just because you and Cohen discovered the love that dare not speak its name. She was poison for you." Summer removed her hand, and Ryan relaxed. Somehow, hearing it from Summer made it all a little more believable.
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Summer stretched out on the couch. "God, I cannot wait for graduation. College is going to be so much better than this."
"Oh," Seth looked at Ryan as he sat beside him on the foot of the bed. "Remind me to later that there's something about college that we need to talk about."
Ryan looked confused, but nodded.
Summer looked up, her interest piqued. "What, we have secrets now?"
"Summer, we've always had secrets. Secrets are like water in Newport, and in case you haven't noticed, we live on a beach."
Summer threw a pillow at Seth, but he ducked at the last second and it beaned Ryan in the side of the head.
Ryan started to stand up. "I'm going to go get something to drink out of the line of fire. You guys have fun killing each other."
Summer jumped off the couch and started towards the door. "How about I go get some drinks and chips and you and Cohen have your super secret college conversation."
Seth stuck his tongue out at Summer, but was relieved. Because, seriously. Needed to talk to Ryan.
Summer casually flipped her middle finger at Seth as she exited the poolhouse, but they could hear her laughing as she walked out.
"So, what about college?" Ryan was confused.
"Okay, do you realize that, this fall, we're going to be roommates at Berkeley?"
"Yeeeeah?" Where was Seth going with this?
"So, we'll, like, live together."
"Seth, we've lived together as long as we've known each other. Technically, longer, since I didn't meet you until the second day I was here."
"True," Seth agreed. "But, at college, we'll be sharing a dorm room. Like, one room. With two beds, but still, one room."
Ryan smiled. "Would you prefer there were only one bed?"
Seth shook his head. "No, that's not…wait, maybe, yes, that could be nice, but wait, what was I saying?"
"For some reason, you were freaking out that we were going to be roommates at Berkeley."
"Right. I just…I don't want it to be weird now that we're…you know. Together. Like, do you think it'll be weird?" Seth looked genuinely concerned, and for some reason that totally melted Ryan.
"Seth, I think it'll be great. Really. As long as you're there, it'll be great." Ryan smiled at Seth and moved closer. "Besides, all that privacy, your parents a good drive away…couldn't be all bad, right?"
"I like the way you think, Ry." Seth smiled as he leaned in for a kiss.
"Hey, you guys, look who I found outsi--" Summer stopped short as she entered the door o the poolhouse.
Ryan and Seth broke apart quickly, and Ryan's heart was in his throat as he saw Marissa standing behind her, face frozen in disgust.
Marissa turned and ran down the stairs, and in a second Ryan was off the bed and following her.
Seth's eyes were huge, and he couldn't move. He felt like he should run after them, but he was paralyzed.
Summer was still standing in the doorway when Seth finally regained the ability to move. She moved to block him as he tried to follow Ryan and Marissa. "Don't, Seth. Just let Ryan handle it."
Seth sighed, and for a moment he considered trying to physically move Summer, but he thought better of it. Not like he could actually do it, anyway. Instead, he settled for sitting back down on the bed. Summer sat down beside him and rested her head on his shoulder. A slow smile crept across her face.
"I was right, you know. It was totally hot."
Seth reached over to grab a pillow to smack Summer, but she was already on her back, laughing and swinging her legs.
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By the time Ryan caught up with Marissa, she was halfway to the beach.
"Marissa, just stop!" Ryan yelled as he grabbed her arm carefully.
"Get your hands off me!" Marissa screamed as she tried to pull away.
"Just stop. Yell all you want, but we're doing this right here, right now." Ryan loosened his grip on her arm but did not let go.
After a long silence, she sat down in the sand. Ryan sat down in front of her, waiting for her to say something.
"What the hell was that?" she finally said quietly, her voice shaking.
Ryan took a deep breath. "That," he spoke slowly. "That was me kissing Seth."
"I know that, Ryan," she spat bitterly. "Why?"
"I can't answer that, Marissa"
"So, what, you're gay now? That's why you broke up with me, so you could fuck your brother?"
"First of all, Marissa," Ryan answered angrily. "I didn't break up with you so that I could fuck anyone. I broke up with you because I no longer want to be with you."
Marissa opened her mouth to protest, but Ryan held up his hand to silence her.
"No. You asked, and now I'm answering. The only reason there was anything to break up in the first place is because I've been letting you play with my feelings for a while now. And I'm sick of it, Marissa. I do care about you, but I'm not in love with you."
"So, you're in love with Seth instead?" Marissa interrupted.
Ryan sighed. "If there were no Seth, I still wouldn't love you."
Marissa stared to cry again, and Ryan sat quietly for a moment. When she finally looked up, her face was streaked with tears.
"I love you, Ryan. I really do. And I promise I can change. I can, I really can. I—" she choked back another sob. "I can—"
"No, Marissa. No." Ryan looked down.
"Because of Seth." Marissa said his name venomously.
"No." Ryan responded, exasperatedly. "Have you heard anything I've said this entire time? This isn't about Seth. It's about me, and what I feel and what I want, and the fact that it's over. It has been for a while now, and for some reason we've both been too scared to end it. I'm not scared anymore." Ryan took another deep breath. "This isn't about you any more, Marissa."
"Then what is it about?" Marissa's voice was angry and shaking. "What the fuck is it about, Ryan? I don't understand how can you sit there and tell me you'd rather be with Seth than me."
"I'm not choosing between you and Seth, Marissa. Seth didn't make me stop loving you. Being with Seth didn't make me break up with you. It just makes this whole thing a little more bearable. Being with Seth makes everything bearable." Ryan looked down again.
"What does that mean, 'being with Seth'? So, now you're with Seth?" Ryan nodded in response. "When were you doing to tell me?"
"Well, honestly, I wasn't planning on telling you." Ryan looked up when Marissa audibly gasped.
"What, what do you mean, you weren't going to tell me?"
"Well, Marissa," Summer's voice behind her surprised her, and Marissa turned around to look up at her.
Summer continued. "This isn't really any of your business."
Marissa's shock deepened. "What, what?" she sputtered.
"It's not, Marissa. Contrary to popular belief, not everything is about you." Summer was pissed.
"Summer," Ryan started, trying to cool things off, but Summer was having none of it.
"No, Ryan. I am so fucking tired of this. You're not the only one she's treated like shit lately." Summer's voice wavered slightly. She looked at Marissa pointedly, then back at Ryan. "Could you give us some privacy, please? Coop and I need to talk."
Ryan stood up and nodded. Summer sat down in the sand next to Marissa. They both looked like they were on the verge of tears as they huddled together, talking in hushed tones.
Ryan walked back to the poolhouse and smiled when he saw Seth lain carelessly across the bed, a pillow over his head. He knocked quietly.
Seth looked up tentatively and was relieved to find Ryan leaning against the doorframe.
Ryan grinned despite himself. "Is this a private meditation session, or can I join?"
"Don't mock, Ryan. I was very deep in thought." Ryan crossed the room and sat down on the floor beside Seth's legs, resting his head on Seth's knee. "I see the reinforcements I sent arrived safely."
"They're talking," Ryan answered.
"Yeah. About us, no doubt."
"I'm sure."
"That is so beyond weird."
Ryan smiled. "I know. I never thought I'd say this, but I think I love Summer right now."
Seth grinned. "I'm not at all threatened by that, you know, if you were trying to make me jealous."
Ryan laughed, but his expression turned serious as he lifted his head to look at Seth. "What if she tells everyone?"
"Who, Summer?"
"No, Marissa. What if she tells everyone about us kissing?"
Seth thought for a moment. "I don't think she'd do that."
"Seth, c'mon. She told everyone about her mom and Caleb Nichol. She almost told everyone about her mom and Luke."
"Well, yes," Seth replied. "But that was mainly because she hates her mom with the fire of a thousand suns. I don't think we've quite reached that level of deep and pure hatred yet."
"I don't know, Seth." Ryan sounded worried.
"It's okay. If she tells, she tells. We'll deal with it." Ryan rested his head on Seth's knee again, and they sat in silence for a while.
Seth was just about to ask Ryan if he felt like playing some Playstation when Marissa and Summer reappeared in the doorway of the poolhouse. Ryan looked up, but no one moved for a moment. Summer took Marissa by the wrist and led her inside, and the two girls sat on the couch. Summer nudged Marissa and gestured in the direction of Ryan and Seth.
Marissa began to speak slowly. "I'm sorry." She cleared her throat, then started again. "I'm sorry. To both of you, for freaking out earlier, but especially to you, Ryan. I know—I know I haven't been the easiest person to be around." She looked down at her hands folded in her lap.
Ryan started to say something, but thought better of it. After a pause, Marissa started again.
"I've been pretty miserable lately, for a lot longer than I realized. And I was a horrible girlfriend. And the weird thing is that the whole time, part of me knew what a complete bitch I was being. It's like I just couldn't stop. But…Okay, honestly? This whole thing totally freaks me out." She waved her hand in the direction of Seth and Ryan. "And I do care about you, Ryan, but I just don't think I can handle this."
Ryan nodded in understanding. "I really never meant to hurt you."
Marissa nodded, too. "Me either." She stood and walked to the door, but turned around.
"I won't tell anyone. About you guys, I mean. I know it's not worth much, but I promise I won't tell. Just because I don't think I can be around you guys doesn't mean I hate you or anything."
"Thanks, Marissa." Seth said genuinely.
Ryan nodded. "Yes. Thank you."
Marissa shrugged. "You're welcome. Bye."
Summer, Seth and Ryan watched as she turned and walked out of the poolhouse.
"Wow. That was…" Summer trailed off.
"Yeah. You know, honestly, it wasn't as bad as I had imagined." Ryan shot Seth a look, but he continued. "No, seriously, man. That could have been much, much worse."
Summer nodded. "You know, Chino, he's right. And I finally got the chance to say some stuff I've been wanting to say for a long time, and I know you did too."
Ryan had to agree with her. He did feel…relieved. Hugely, amazingly, breath-takingly relieved. He turned to Seth. "Playstation?"
Seth nodded in agreement as Summer stood up. "Okay, fellas, as much fun as this so wasn't, I'm going home. I'm hungry, and I need a bath."
"Bye, Summer," the boys replied in unison as Seth cued up the Playstation.
She stopped at the door and turned around. "You know, Cohen, this is the first time in two years that I've mentioned being naked in water and you haven't said something dorky and pervy."
Seth smiled cautiously. "And that's…?"
"Interesting," Summer replied, but she was smiling too. "But I can deal. Later!"
Ryan looked at Seth, eyebrows raised. "What's up with that?"
Seth leaned over and kissed him quickly. "I don't know. But it's kinda cool."
Ryan took the controller from Seth and smiled. The worst, he thought, was over.