(Note from the author: These are not my characters, my world, or my
situations. They all belong to J. K. Rowling, and are protected by
copyrights.)
(Warning for readers under 13: This story is rated PG-13, therefore . . . you know the drill.)
They had them cornered outside of a house, where another family had lived. The Death Eaters were all hiding in the shed, threatening things that no one could make out. But their voices shouted loudly to the outside world. Ministry officials had surrounded the shed, and all had their wands out. James, Sirius, and Peter followed Marlene, Alice, and Frank down the long road to the ditch in which the shed was situated, and took out their own wands.
"We have you surrounded!" Moody's voice came from the side of the shack, "Come out with your wands on the ground and your hands up and we will give you all fair trials."
"THE DARK LORD SHALL REIGN FOREVER!" a voice sounded from inside.
"What do we think we have here?" Frank asked, joining Moody at his side.
Moody shrugged, "There have been reports from neighbors that there were about six of them. Five males, one female."
"Any of them identified?" Frank asked.
"No," Moody said, "None of them."
James looked to where the shed stood. It was almost shaking with energy, but no one was giving up. It was a standoff, and there was never going to be a winner. Just more bloodshed.
"You are under arrest!" Moody shouted to the doorway, "Come out, and we will have mercy!"
"THE DARK LORD SHALL REIGN FOREVER!"
"Marlene, James," Frank said, "I want you to go to that entranceway, and kick it down. We'll be right behind you."
James and Marlene rushed forward, wands raised out in front of them. They took either side of the door, and Marlene nodded to James. The others watched as James took his foot to the door, and it collapsed into the darkness. Marlene went first, and then James. And then there was a shriek from inside. Sirius and Peter looked over the head of Frank to see what was happening, but no sound could be heard from inside. It had grown quiet, and only the lights of the spells could be seen through the small door opening.
"Black, and Frank," Moody snarled, "Now you. Go now."
But just then, there was a scream from inside, and a flashing green light. Sirius looked in horror to the door that now was illuminated in the color of death. It glistened in his eyes. Only one green shot had been given. Only one.
One of the eight inside were dead.
His heart stopped as he waited for the triumphant crowing of James, but none came. It was silent, and he and Frank stopped in their tracks, waiting for the next sign to come.
And it came.
Through the roof, and illuminating the night sky above the Auror's heads, came the sign of death. Came the sign of a fallen member. Came the sign of the skull and the snake.
"James," Sirius said, breathless. James was dead. It couldn't be. It couldn't be true. James wasn't dead.
"If the parents are unable to uphold their duties . . ."
The conversation that him and his friend had that afternoon resounded in his ears. He was in charge of the child if James died. He was in charge of Lily.
But James wasn't dead. He could never be dead. He was James.
But there was the Dark Mark above them.
"THE DARK LORD SHALL REIGN FOREVER!" a cackling voice came from inside, and Sirius felt numb. It wasn't true. It wasn't James.
"Sirius!" Peter shouted, and Sirius pushed past Frank and Alice, but they both grabbed him with their large arms and thrusted him back into place.
"Don't you move, Mr. Black," Moody snarled, and then stepped closer to the entrance, "We shall kill you if you do not surrender this instant! This is your last chance!"
"ONE OF DUMBLEDORE'S KNIGHTS HAVE FALLEN!" a girl's high pitched voice cackled, "AND THEY WILL NEVER RISE!"
Sirius lunged forward again, and Frank pushed him back, "Show restraint, Sirius," he warned, and Sirius glared at him.
"My friend is in there," he shouted, "Get out of my way. Now."
"Mr. Black . . ." Moody started, "If you cannot restrain yourself, then I will have to ask you to leave . . ."
"Let him go, Mad-Eye," Frank interrupted him, and Moody's eye landed on him, "James has a family now."
Moody's expression softened, and he nodded slowly, "Yeah," he said, "Get going."
Sirius ran into the ditch that the Aurors were circling. He swore he could see Remus's face in the crowd, situated next to Gideon and Fabian. He knew that he was looking right at him. But he couldn't look back.
James was in there.
He reached the shed, and ducked inside. And the sight he saw was too much for him.
"GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HIM!" Sirius shouted, raising his wand to a Death Eater that was holding James by the neck on one of the walls. James struggled, and Sirius saw that he was unarmed. The Death Eater turned to Sirius, and the cold expressionless face of the mask stared back at him. This one was the last one standing. The other six had been Stunned in a struggle that had taken place, and now it was only the three of them.
"S- Sir . . ." James choked as the Death Eater's hands wrung his throat, "Siri . . ."
The Death Eater took out his wand, and aimed it right at Sirius.
"AVADA KEDAVRA!" Sirius shouted, and the Death Eater was hit with a green light protruding from Sirius's wand. And then he was still. Sirius had killed him.
James slid down a few feet until his feet touched the ground again, gasping and choking. He held his reddened throat in his hands, and fell to his knees.
"You . . . you killed . . ." he said in a raspy voice. Sirius ran to him, jumping over the body of the dead masked man, and helped him up.
"Where's Marlene?" he asked, "What happened?"
James, still holding his throat with one hand, pointed a shaky finger at a lifeless body in the corner. Sirius turned, and his expression grew cold.
There lay Marlene McKinnon, in her youth, dead.
Marlene was dead.
"Come on," James said, running for the entrance, his voice still raspy, "Let's get them in here before they wake up."
"Wait," Sirius said, and James turned to look at him. Sirius was staring at the body of the little Irish girl. She had been so full of life just minutes ago. And now she was dead. She had wanted to avenge her father. And she had failed. She had been one of the best. If the best could be killed, then how could he survive?
Slowly, he stumbled over to Marlene's body, and knelt down beside it. It had been a short battle. But it had been long enough to kill her.
But James was alive.
And without another thought, he took Marlene by the arms, and hoisted her over his shoulders. Then he stood, and walked to the door.
"Now we can go," he said, and James nodded.
As they exited the shed into the wandlight of the Aurors, there was a large gasp from the crowd. Marlene was dead. They could all see that.
A green tinge was still glistening off of her body.
They had killed her.
Sirius didn't look at Remus as he made his way up the ditch's side, and to Frank and Moody. James followed him, as he walked right past the two of them, and down the long road to where their Portkey lay.
"Mr. Black, where do you think you're going?" Moody shouted, but Mr. Black didn't answer. He and his friend just kept walking to the small trash bin that lay at the end of the road. Marlene accompanied them.
Alice was in horror and shock as she looked past her old friend. Now all of the McKinnons were dead. No one was left to avenge them. No one was left to kill off their murderers.
In just a few seconds, the vengeful ploits of Marlene had been erased. And now they would never be filled.
She looked so peaceful in the bed. She looked so . . . perfect. But she would never open her eyes. She would never move again.
The Order had sent Dumbledore an owl, and he had sent an owl back, giving his regards and sympathies. He said that he would be returning to Headquarters tomorrow. Moody and Frank then sent out owls to Minerva, Hagrid, and all of the other members that hadn't been there that night.
The four boys were rejoined that night, all sitting with Frank and Alice in the living room. Emmeline was bawling in the corner, and Dorcas was cracking her knuckles, blankly staring into the fire. Marlene . . . jovial Marlene . . . was dead.
The idea kept running through Remus's head. He had seen Sirius emerge from that ditch with her body, slung over his shoulder. Moody was upstairs with Kingsley, making arrangements with the Ministry as they stood over her body. They had set her in one of the spare bedrooms for the time being. It had been the first time that any of them had died since the boys had joined. Well, of course there were the spies, but they hadn't known them. Marlene, they had known. It had only been two weeks ago that she had been sipping wine with them, laughing about Alice's baby and congratulating Lily. She had been so excited when Lily and James had gotten married.
Remus felt sick. He closed his eyes, and tried not to show what he was feeling. Not in front of Sirius and James. They needed him to be strong. He was the responsible one.
Well, he was sick of being the responsible one.
Marlene had been an innocent little girl. Only a few years older than they were . . .
But she was gone.
Forever.
Slowly, the hours drawled on, and they came for Marlene. They took her away to St. Mungo's, covered in a white sheet that made her look like a ghost. Alice and Frank followed the Healers there, and it was only the mingling four that remained. Emmeline had left, and so had Kingsley. And then Diggle. And Dorcas.
Finally, Peter said that he needed to be somewhere, and took off. Then James had to go home to be with Lily and tell her what had happened. Remus was glad that he wasn't going to be there to see that scene. Lily and Marlene had been close. First she had lost Elise, and now her.
So it was only Sirius and Remus, sitting in the living room, with Moody upstairs, rummaging around for something or other. Neither of them felt like leaving. So they sat there, in the cold darkness of the room, staring at the draining fire.
"You know," Sirius said, "They made me Harry's godfather today."
Remus's gaze shot up to look at Sirius. His brow furrowed, and his mouth opened to reveal an expression of confusion.
"What?" he asked, "Who's Harry?"
"Their son," Sirius said, leaning back on the couch, "They're going to have a son."
"They didn't tell me that it was a boy," Remus said, "Are you sure?"
"James told me today," he said, "They just came back from the Healer's when we got the call to go to the shed . . . he didn't mention it?"
"Must have been preoccupied," Remus muttered, looking back at the fire. James didn't tell him anything anymore. Not ever since the Christmas party.
"They said that that makes me Harry's guardian," Sirius said, and Remus gave him another look out of the corner of his eye.
"You?"
"Yeah," Sirius said, laughing, "Pretty cool, huh? Never thought that Lily'd let me even touch the kid."
"I would have thought it was obvious," Remus said quietly, turning away again. Sirius as godfather. They hadn't even consulted him. Lily hadn't said anything. James hadn't even thought about . . .
But then again, who would trust a werewolf with their baby? Remus thought bitterly.
"Why do you say that?" Sirius asked, "I know that if I were James, I would never . . ."
"He trusts you," Remus said, fighting back the urge to say more, and he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. His robes were tattered and worn. He had no money. Sirius had a job. Sirius had a paying job.
"And he trusts you, too," Sirius defended Remus, and leaned in towards him, coming closer, "What's wrong with you lately?"
"Nothing is wrong with me," Remus said, shoving him away. Sirius shoved him back, and then sat back on the couch again.
"I always thought they would have picked you for the responsible job," Sirius said, "I mean, it sort of came as a surprise. Sort of an honor, really. But I hope I never have to take care of him. I hope nothing ever happens."
"Yeah," Remus said.
Sirius eyed Remus suspisciously, and then added, "And if something was bothering you, you'd tell me, right? If something was up? If something was going on?"
"Yeah," Remus said.
Sirius nodded slowly, still examining Remus, and then standing up with an outtake of breath, "Well," he said, grabbing his cloak, "This night sort of puts things in perspective, doesn't it?"
"Yeah."
"But don't worry, Moony," Sirius said darkly, putting his cloak on, "We made a pact. None of that is ever going to happen to us."
"I don't think I'm the one worrying, Sirius," Remus said coldly, and Sirius stopped.
What did he mean?
That wasn't like Remus. To snap back with a remark.
And a remark like that?
The dream of Remus, standing over his bed, raising his wand to kill him, resurfaced in his mind, and Sirius shook his head. No, he thought, It was just a stupid dream. It was ages ago. Remus isn't . . .
Remus heard Sirius as he walked out of the room, into the entrance hall, and to the outside porch. He was alone. With only Moody.
He sat there for what seemed like hours. And it must have been hours, because the sun rose again, and Moody's grunts came from the top of the staircase and made their way down slowly, holding his wand. Remus knew where he was going so early.
He was going back to the memorial.
He was going to add Marlene's name to the list.
"You still here?" Moody's voice came from the hall, as he reached for his bowler hat.
"Yeah," Remus said, not moving from his spot.
"Long night, hey?" he asked, and Remus nodded, knowing that Moody could see well through walls.
"Are you going to the memorial?" Remus asked quietly, and Moody coughed.
"Yes, I am," Moody said, "She was a good girl. Died a heroic death. Died doing what was right," there was a hesitation in his voice as he opened the door, and then added, "Let's hope that you never have to add a name to that wall, hey?"
"Yeah," Remus said, and then heard the door slam behind Moody. And he was alone.
The house was silent for a few minutes as he sat there, trying to gather his thoughts. Everything had happened so fast. Lily and James, having a baby . . . naming it already . . . and Sirius . . .
"Figures, though," Remus grunted, standing up, and looking at the hearth where the fire had died hours ago, "You know that it was bound to happen. James would give his life for Sirius."
He remembered when it used to be easier. When he didn't have to wake up every day, wondering if he'd make it back to his bed the next night. Every day got harder. Every day, the weight was put onto his shoulders even more. The others were accepting their fate. But he could not. He would not.
Look at you, the wolf said from inside, and Remus swallowed, You're so pathetic. By yourself, in this big house. Didn't you know that it wouldn't last forever? Didn't you know that you'd never be one of them?
"Shut up," Remus muttered, and grabbed his shabby robe from the back of the couch. He was going to go for a walk. A long walk.
He felt the wolf follow him out the door, and down the sidewalk, trotting next to him, glaring up at him with those eyes that were his own.
And somehow you're surprised? The wolf continued to jeer, You remember what Peter said? About not being included? You knew what he was talking about.
Remus didn't respond, and continued down the street, passing one suburban house after another. He wanted to just keep walking. Walking so far away that no one would ever find him, and he could start his life over again. Maybe he'd meet someone, and they could be together. And he could have a child of his own . . .
But he knew that that wasn't possible.
His name is Harry, he thought to himself, and the wolf laughed.
Harry will fear you, he snarled in Remus's ear, Harry will hate you.
It's a boy, Remus thought over the wolf's words, It's James's son. He won't hate me. He'll accept me. Just like they did.
But they didn't accept you, the wolf hissed, They still haven't. They fear you. They know that you're smarter than they are. They know what you are. What you become. Do you not remember Lily's eyes that night that she met me? And what about James's? And Sirius's boggart? They have never accepted you. And neither will Harry.
"Shut up," Remus muttered again to himself, and he felt his lip tremble. God, he was pathetic. He was nineteen now, and fighting back tears in public. How did he get like this? He hadn't acted like this since he was just a little boy.
He hadn't acted like this since he had met James.
Well, they had grown up. People drifted apart. Who cared what people did in school together? Who cared if he had helped James on a Potions exam and let him cheat, or if James spent a good three years trying Animagi spells to accompany him? Who cared anymore? They were in the real world. James had Sirius and Lily. And now Peter more than ever.
Remus just told the truth. Remus just told him the cold, hard truth. Remus didn't praise him and stick him on a pedastal. Remus didn't do that.
That's why James hadn't chosen Remus.
Sirius gave him all of the accolades he wanted. That's why he had chosen Sirius. Good ol' Sirius, there to go digging him into trouble. Black and Potter, best friends. Black and Potter, the best of brothers. Black and Potter.
And their two friends, the bookworm and the pudgy boy.
He crossed the street, and the wolf followed. The wolf would always follow. They were bound to each other, for eternity. Never could they escape the other.
Ahead was a beautiful park that was much different than the one in London. It was smaller, and greener. Not as foreboding as the one in which James saved his life in . . .
That was right. James had saved his life.
He was in debt to him.
He entered the park, and sat down on one of the benches. If something did happen to James and Lily, and something happened where Sirius had to take Harry in . . .
How many more nights until I'm free, Remus? The wolf asked his victim, curling up at Remus's feet. Remus didn't answer.
It was because of this creature that they didn't trust him. This was the reason for all of his troubles. If only he hadn't gone into that forest that night. If only he hadn't gotten bitten by that man . . . then he would be free.
He remembered the Centaur's Field, when everything was pure and clear in his mind.
The wolf was getting stronger anymore. The wolf was growing. He could hear him all the time. Remus knew it was because of the stress he had been through. And Lily being pregnant hadn't helped his situation.
The wolf fed off of his fear.
What was he going to do?
(Warning for readers under 13: This story is rated PG-13, therefore . . . you know the drill.)
They had them cornered outside of a house, where another family had lived. The Death Eaters were all hiding in the shed, threatening things that no one could make out. But their voices shouted loudly to the outside world. Ministry officials had surrounded the shed, and all had their wands out. James, Sirius, and Peter followed Marlene, Alice, and Frank down the long road to the ditch in which the shed was situated, and took out their own wands.
"We have you surrounded!" Moody's voice came from the side of the shack, "Come out with your wands on the ground and your hands up and we will give you all fair trials."
"THE DARK LORD SHALL REIGN FOREVER!" a voice sounded from inside.
"What do we think we have here?" Frank asked, joining Moody at his side.
Moody shrugged, "There have been reports from neighbors that there were about six of them. Five males, one female."
"Any of them identified?" Frank asked.
"No," Moody said, "None of them."
James looked to where the shed stood. It was almost shaking with energy, but no one was giving up. It was a standoff, and there was never going to be a winner. Just more bloodshed.
"You are under arrest!" Moody shouted to the doorway, "Come out, and we will have mercy!"
"THE DARK LORD SHALL REIGN FOREVER!"
"Marlene, James," Frank said, "I want you to go to that entranceway, and kick it down. We'll be right behind you."
James and Marlene rushed forward, wands raised out in front of them. They took either side of the door, and Marlene nodded to James. The others watched as James took his foot to the door, and it collapsed into the darkness. Marlene went first, and then James. And then there was a shriek from inside. Sirius and Peter looked over the head of Frank to see what was happening, but no sound could be heard from inside. It had grown quiet, and only the lights of the spells could be seen through the small door opening.
"Black, and Frank," Moody snarled, "Now you. Go now."
But just then, there was a scream from inside, and a flashing green light. Sirius looked in horror to the door that now was illuminated in the color of death. It glistened in his eyes. Only one green shot had been given. Only one.
One of the eight inside were dead.
His heart stopped as he waited for the triumphant crowing of James, but none came. It was silent, and he and Frank stopped in their tracks, waiting for the next sign to come.
And it came.
Through the roof, and illuminating the night sky above the Auror's heads, came the sign of death. Came the sign of a fallen member. Came the sign of the skull and the snake.
"James," Sirius said, breathless. James was dead. It couldn't be. It couldn't be true. James wasn't dead.
"If the parents are unable to uphold their duties . . ."
The conversation that him and his friend had that afternoon resounded in his ears. He was in charge of the child if James died. He was in charge of Lily.
But James wasn't dead. He could never be dead. He was James.
But there was the Dark Mark above them.
"THE DARK LORD SHALL REIGN FOREVER!" a cackling voice came from inside, and Sirius felt numb. It wasn't true. It wasn't James.
"Sirius!" Peter shouted, and Sirius pushed past Frank and Alice, but they both grabbed him with their large arms and thrusted him back into place.
"Don't you move, Mr. Black," Moody snarled, and then stepped closer to the entrance, "We shall kill you if you do not surrender this instant! This is your last chance!"
"ONE OF DUMBLEDORE'S KNIGHTS HAVE FALLEN!" a girl's high pitched voice cackled, "AND THEY WILL NEVER RISE!"
Sirius lunged forward again, and Frank pushed him back, "Show restraint, Sirius," he warned, and Sirius glared at him.
"My friend is in there," he shouted, "Get out of my way. Now."
"Mr. Black . . ." Moody started, "If you cannot restrain yourself, then I will have to ask you to leave . . ."
"Let him go, Mad-Eye," Frank interrupted him, and Moody's eye landed on him, "James has a family now."
Moody's expression softened, and he nodded slowly, "Yeah," he said, "Get going."
Sirius ran into the ditch that the Aurors were circling. He swore he could see Remus's face in the crowd, situated next to Gideon and Fabian. He knew that he was looking right at him. But he couldn't look back.
James was in there.
He reached the shed, and ducked inside. And the sight he saw was too much for him.
"GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HIM!" Sirius shouted, raising his wand to a Death Eater that was holding James by the neck on one of the walls. James struggled, and Sirius saw that he was unarmed. The Death Eater turned to Sirius, and the cold expressionless face of the mask stared back at him. This one was the last one standing. The other six had been Stunned in a struggle that had taken place, and now it was only the three of them.
"S- Sir . . ." James choked as the Death Eater's hands wrung his throat, "Siri . . ."
The Death Eater took out his wand, and aimed it right at Sirius.
"AVADA KEDAVRA!" Sirius shouted, and the Death Eater was hit with a green light protruding from Sirius's wand. And then he was still. Sirius had killed him.
James slid down a few feet until his feet touched the ground again, gasping and choking. He held his reddened throat in his hands, and fell to his knees.
"You . . . you killed . . ." he said in a raspy voice. Sirius ran to him, jumping over the body of the dead masked man, and helped him up.
"Where's Marlene?" he asked, "What happened?"
James, still holding his throat with one hand, pointed a shaky finger at a lifeless body in the corner. Sirius turned, and his expression grew cold.
There lay Marlene McKinnon, in her youth, dead.
Marlene was dead.
"Come on," James said, running for the entrance, his voice still raspy, "Let's get them in here before they wake up."
"Wait," Sirius said, and James turned to look at him. Sirius was staring at the body of the little Irish girl. She had been so full of life just minutes ago. And now she was dead. She had wanted to avenge her father. And she had failed. She had been one of the best. If the best could be killed, then how could he survive?
Slowly, he stumbled over to Marlene's body, and knelt down beside it. It had been a short battle. But it had been long enough to kill her.
But James was alive.
And without another thought, he took Marlene by the arms, and hoisted her over his shoulders. Then he stood, and walked to the door.
"Now we can go," he said, and James nodded.
As they exited the shed into the wandlight of the Aurors, there was a large gasp from the crowd. Marlene was dead. They could all see that.
A green tinge was still glistening off of her body.
They had killed her.
Sirius didn't look at Remus as he made his way up the ditch's side, and to Frank and Moody. James followed him, as he walked right past the two of them, and down the long road to where their Portkey lay.
"Mr. Black, where do you think you're going?" Moody shouted, but Mr. Black didn't answer. He and his friend just kept walking to the small trash bin that lay at the end of the road. Marlene accompanied them.
Alice was in horror and shock as she looked past her old friend. Now all of the McKinnons were dead. No one was left to avenge them. No one was left to kill off their murderers.
In just a few seconds, the vengeful ploits of Marlene had been erased. And now they would never be filled.
She looked so peaceful in the bed. She looked so . . . perfect. But she would never open her eyes. She would never move again.
The Order had sent Dumbledore an owl, and he had sent an owl back, giving his regards and sympathies. He said that he would be returning to Headquarters tomorrow. Moody and Frank then sent out owls to Minerva, Hagrid, and all of the other members that hadn't been there that night.
The four boys were rejoined that night, all sitting with Frank and Alice in the living room. Emmeline was bawling in the corner, and Dorcas was cracking her knuckles, blankly staring into the fire. Marlene . . . jovial Marlene . . . was dead.
The idea kept running through Remus's head. He had seen Sirius emerge from that ditch with her body, slung over his shoulder. Moody was upstairs with Kingsley, making arrangements with the Ministry as they stood over her body. They had set her in one of the spare bedrooms for the time being. It had been the first time that any of them had died since the boys had joined. Well, of course there were the spies, but they hadn't known them. Marlene, they had known. It had only been two weeks ago that she had been sipping wine with them, laughing about Alice's baby and congratulating Lily. She had been so excited when Lily and James had gotten married.
Remus felt sick. He closed his eyes, and tried not to show what he was feeling. Not in front of Sirius and James. They needed him to be strong. He was the responsible one.
Well, he was sick of being the responsible one.
Marlene had been an innocent little girl. Only a few years older than they were . . .
But she was gone.
Forever.
Slowly, the hours drawled on, and they came for Marlene. They took her away to St. Mungo's, covered in a white sheet that made her look like a ghost. Alice and Frank followed the Healers there, and it was only the mingling four that remained. Emmeline had left, and so had Kingsley. And then Diggle. And Dorcas.
Finally, Peter said that he needed to be somewhere, and took off. Then James had to go home to be with Lily and tell her what had happened. Remus was glad that he wasn't going to be there to see that scene. Lily and Marlene had been close. First she had lost Elise, and now her.
So it was only Sirius and Remus, sitting in the living room, with Moody upstairs, rummaging around for something or other. Neither of them felt like leaving. So they sat there, in the cold darkness of the room, staring at the draining fire.
"You know," Sirius said, "They made me Harry's godfather today."
Remus's gaze shot up to look at Sirius. His brow furrowed, and his mouth opened to reveal an expression of confusion.
"What?" he asked, "Who's Harry?"
"Their son," Sirius said, leaning back on the couch, "They're going to have a son."
"They didn't tell me that it was a boy," Remus said, "Are you sure?"
"James told me today," he said, "They just came back from the Healer's when we got the call to go to the shed . . . he didn't mention it?"
"Must have been preoccupied," Remus muttered, looking back at the fire. James didn't tell him anything anymore. Not ever since the Christmas party.
"They said that that makes me Harry's guardian," Sirius said, and Remus gave him another look out of the corner of his eye.
"You?"
"Yeah," Sirius said, laughing, "Pretty cool, huh? Never thought that Lily'd let me even touch the kid."
"I would have thought it was obvious," Remus said quietly, turning away again. Sirius as godfather. They hadn't even consulted him. Lily hadn't said anything. James hadn't even thought about . . .
But then again, who would trust a werewolf with their baby? Remus thought bitterly.
"Why do you say that?" Sirius asked, "I know that if I were James, I would never . . ."
"He trusts you," Remus said, fighting back the urge to say more, and he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. His robes were tattered and worn. He had no money. Sirius had a job. Sirius had a paying job.
"And he trusts you, too," Sirius defended Remus, and leaned in towards him, coming closer, "What's wrong with you lately?"
"Nothing is wrong with me," Remus said, shoving him away. Sirius shoved him back, and then sat back on the couch again.
"I always thought they would have picked you for the responsible job," Sirius said, "I mean, it sort of came as a surprise. Sort of an honor, really. But I hope I never have to take care of him. I hope nothing ever happens."
"Yeah," Remus said.
Sirius eyed Remus suspisciously, and then added, "And if something was bothering you, you'd tell me, right? If something was up? If something was going on?"
"Yeah," Remus said.
Sirius nodded slowly, still examining Remus, and then standing up with an outtake of breath, "Well," he said, grabbing his cloak, "This night sort of puts things in perspective, doesn't it?"
"Yeah."
"But don't worry, Moony," Sirius said darkly, putting his cloak on, "We made a pact. None of that is ever going to happen to us."
"I don't think I'm the one worrying, Sirius," Remus said coldly, and Sirius stopped.
What did he mean?
That wasn't like Remus. To snap back with a remark.
And a remark like that?
The dream of Remus, standing over his bed, raising his wand to kill him, resurfaced in his mind, and Sirius shook his head. No, he thought, It was just a stupid dream. It was ages ago. Remus isn't . . .
Remus heard Sirius as he walked out of the room, into the entrance hall, and to the outside porch. He was alone. With only Moody.
He sat there for what seemed like hours. And it must have been hours, because the sun rose again, and Moody's grunts came from the top of the staircase and made their way down slowly, holding his wand. Remus knew where he was going so early.
He was going back to the memorial.
He was going to add Marlene's name to the list.
"You still here?" Moody's voice came from the hall, as he reached for his bowler hat.
"Yeah," Remus said, not moving from his spot.
"Long night, hey?" he asked, and Remus nodded, knowing that Moody could see well through walls.
"Are you going to the memorial?" Remus asked quietly, and Moody coughed.
"Yes, I am," Moody said, "She was a good girl. Died a heroic death. Died doing what was right," there was a hesitation in his voice as he opened the door, and then added, "Let's hope that you never have to add a name to that wall, hey?"
"Yeah," Remus said, and then heard the door slam behind Moody. And he was alone.
The house was silent for a few minutes as he sat there, trying to gather his thoughts. Everything had happened so fast. Lily and James, having a baby . . . naming it already . . . and Sirius . . .
"Figures, though," Remus grunted, standing up, and looking at the hearth where the fire had died hours ago, "You know that it was bound to happen. James would give his life for Sirius."
He remembered when it used to be easier. When he didn't have to wake up every day, wondering if he'd make it back to his bed the next night. Every day got harder. Every day, the weight was put onto his shoulders even more. The others were accepting their fate. But he could not. He would not.
Look at you, the wolf said from inside, and Remus swallowed, You're so pathetic. By yourself, in this big house. Didn't you know that it wouldn't last forever? Didn't you know that you'd never be one of them?
"Shut up," Remus muttered, and grabbed his shabby robe from the back of the couch. He was going to go for a walk. A long walk.
He felt the wolf follow him out the door, and down the sidewalk, trotting next to him, glaring up at him with those eyes that were his own.
And somehow you're surprised? The wolf continued to jeer, You remember what Peter said? About not being included? You knew what he was talking about.
Remus didn't respond, and continued down the street, passing one suburban house after another. He wanted to just keep walking. Walking so far away that no one would ever find him, and he could start his life over again. Maybe he'd meet someone, and they could be together. And he could have a child of his own . . .
But he knew that that wasn't possible.
His name is Harry, he thought to himself, and the wolf laughed.
Harry will fear you, he snarled in Remus's ear, Harry will hate you.
It's a boy, Remus thought over the wolf's words, It's James's son. He won't hate me. He'll accept me. Just like they did.
But they didn't accept you, the wolf hissed, They still haven't. They fear you. They know that you're smarter than they are. They know what you are. What you become. Do you not remember Lily's eyes that night that she met me? And what about James's? And Sirius's boggart? They have never accepted you. And neither will Harry.
"Shut up," Remus muttered again to himself, and he felt his lip tremble. God, he was pathetic. He was nineteen now, and fighting back tears in public. How did he get like this? He hadn't acted like this since he was just a little boy.
He hadn't acted like this since he had met James.
Well, they had grown up. People drifted apart. Who cared what people did in school together? Who cared if he had helped James on a Potions exam and let him cheat, or if James spent a good three years trying Animagi spells to accompany him? Who cared anymore? They were in the real world. James had Sirius and Lily. And now Peter more than ever.
Remus just told the truth. Remus just told him the cold, hard truth. Remus didn't praise him and stick him on a pedastal. Remus didn't do that.
That's why James hadn't chosen Remus.
Sirius gave him all of the accolades he wanted. That's why he had chosen Sirius. Good ol' Sirius, there to go digging him into trouble. Black and Potter, best friends. Black and Potter, the best of brothers. Black and Potter.
And their two friends, the bookworm and the pudgy boy.
He crossed the street, and the wolf followed. The wolf would always follow. They were bound to each other, for eternity. Never could they escape the other.
Ahead was a beautiful park that was much different than the one in London. It was smaller, and greener. Not as foreboding as the one in which James saved his life in . . .
That was right. James had saved his life.
He was in debt to him.
He entered the park, and sat down on one of the benches. If something did happen to James and Lily, and something happened where Sirius had to take Harry in . . .
How many more nights until I'm free, Remus? The wolf asked his victim, curling up at Remus's feet. Remus didn't answer.
It was because of this creature that they didn't trust him. This was the reason for all of his troubles. If only he hadn't gone into that forest that night. If only he hadn't gotten bitten by that man . . . then he would be free.
He remembered the Centaur's Field, when everything was pure and clear in his mind.
The wolf was getting stronger anymore. The wolf was growing. He could hear him all the time. Remus knew it was because of the stress he had been through. And Lily being pregnant hadn't helped his situation.
The wolf fed off of his fear.
What was he going to do?