Disclaimer: IZ and characters = not mine. This story is though.
Chapter 9 The Angel From My Nightmare
So there we stood, dripping wet, on a Tuesday afternoon, in the same spot at the edge of the lake that we were in not two days ago. It was all so ironic.
Oh, wait. First let me say that I'm sorry if I'm cutting into the future a little bit, but I felt that I could leave out the part of the story where Gaz and I flew down on Zim's ship towards the city, getting the locust-beast to follow us, landed the ship near the huge lake, attached two jumper cables from Zim's ship to the car-portion of the monster, shocking it into careening helplessly into the lake, where the locusts surrounding it got electrocuted and/or drowned and the parasite within was exposed to the sun's radiation, which caused it to erupt into an agonizing struggle and thrash about until a meteor fell from the sky and hit it in the head, killing it instantly. Nope, you didn't miss a thing.
So, uh, back to my sister and I and the weirdest day we'd ever had playing hookey.
We looked back in unison at the other side of the lake, and took a few well-earned breaths of relief. Water from the meteor explosion had covered the better half of the city. The smoldering wreckage of Zim's disasterpiece in the midst of the lake seemed farther than it was. Similarly, I felt farther from what I like to refer to as my "old self" than I had ever been. I like to think that my sister knew that; after all, there was a lot more than mischief I detected behind her sly grin.
I knew I still had insecurities. I had psychological issues to deal with that might never stop haunting my waking days. But nothing worth worrying about now that I had someone who was going through the same transition I was. You see, with Gaz, everything was imperfect in just the perfect way…
The pain resonating from my leg reminded me that I was being punished for loving her like this. But things changed now; I knew that by will or not, I could never love her any other way.
She was every bit as beautiful as she was the other day, perhaps even more so as I was more open to acknowledging it.
Suddenly, out of her fathomless well of supressed love, she drew out a laugh. A sincere laugh. And then she whispered into my ear gently, begging me to remember the last time we laughed together.
And when I did it made it that much easier to hold her close to me, and breathe in unison with her.
She held me tight enough to let me know how much she loved me, but with just the right amount of looseness I needed to break off the embrace if I felt uncomfortable. Of course I didn't; the very last thing I wanted was to let go.
"I'm sorry, Dib, I'm sorry about everything, about..."
"Shh... Not now." I put a finger to her lips and then ran it through her hair. I was no longer trembling, with my mind still running through our past, through all those dark nights I spent crying and feeling sorry for my pitiful self.
I learned what it meant to be alone under those covers. But as I was to later learn, Gaz knew my pain; she could hear me through our walls. And for years in the past I imagined and hoped that maybe she'd care enough to at least notice, not knowing that she did.
She was just afraid to let me know. And I don't blame her.
After all, if I knew she was suffering inside too, what would I have done? What could I have done?
We always pretended to forget about the select moments in our childhood where we actually acknowledged that we treasured each other's existence.
These moments I knew were special for both of us, because even though we're polar opposites deep inside, the same blood my heart pumps flows through her veins as well.
The same blood, and the same resentment for the weaknesses we both shared.
And thus we lived, two shadows existing together under one grim roof, both aware of their plight, but neither knowing that only through each other could they find what they needed.
It was inevitable that it would come to the point where Gaz and I weren't trapped behind bars anymore.
I knew that no matter what it took, my sibling and I would make this last. What we had was inimitable. That she accepted me for my faults and I cared for her despite her tendency to explode and horrify me really meant something, or so I hoped.
By now it was almost sunset, and the crimson sky, dotted as it was with orange and violet, was beyond surreal. We had been standing like this under the trees at the edge of the lake for quite some time, but because I was holding Gaz's hand, I only felt half as cold as I expected. The police sirens, nervous people, news crews and overall chaos on the opposite side of the body of water seemed to personify the mixed signals of this world, the world that we chose not to conform to.
"This is it," she said suddenly. "The perfect moment. Kiss me, Dib. Kiss me now."
I did not hesitate.
As she leaned in for a kiss, I wished I had my glasses with me, when just two days ago at this very spot I tried to force my eyes out of focus. My love-naïve brain learned a second later that it didn't matter- all that was essential was invisible to the eye, yet perfectly clear to the heart…
We locked lips with absolute total abandon.
I closed my eyes as another new feeling overcame me, passing by gently but with a slight warning. It didn't matter what happened afterwards- I would never, ever regret this.
And all too soon we opened our eyes again, and I looked at her with the same loving intensity that her ideal Dib did in her painting. I told her about it through my eyes, and we whispered sweet thoughts through our hopeful glances. Then we discussed the events that led to this; how she thought I ran away from home for good, and how I ran home only to find her gone.
I knew I didn't need to impress her, but I wanted to, just to show her how much I care, superfluous as my words may have been.
Neither of us felt like going home, even when the sun went down and our clothes had dried. I lent my gothic angel my trench coat again as we finally laid ourselves down comfortably on a grassy incline beside the lake. And as she accepted it, I wished I could tell her I knew that everything would be all right, that Dad would understand and we would live happily ever after. But I didn't say a thing. I didn't need to.
Her smile told me everything I needed to know.
Epilogue
I never thought my life could change so drastically within those three days. And I still wonder what kind of life I'd be living if none of it ever happened.
Yeah, I still look back and ask sometimes, what kind of brother am I?
But now I no longer question whether what we are doing is wrong. I still think of it as a bit of a weakness, but I do take comfort in believing that what I do for this world exempts me from its rules, even if its people don't recognize what I do for it.
Some would say it is an easy way out. Both people taking a familiar comfort in one another, their eyes ever straying from the path.
But I don't believe that being together holds us back...
No, no it doesn't at all.
Yes, I admit that it all started out very shallow, like chasing a dream; two lonely hormonal teenagers with everything to explore and nothing to lose.
But as the months passed, we began to realize that this dream had become more than a reality- it was to become our future.
You may ask, "What future is there in loving one's own sister?" And from a certain point of view, you wouldn't be wrong.
Still, neither of us know what a "better future" would be... I've lost all faith in everything but her... Yeah, I still fight Zim, but neither of us are really even trying anymore; he's become fond enough of this planet to even want to take it over, and I've grown more cynical of it. How ironic that it worked out that way.
We were young then, and I both hoped and feared that all of these things, these feelings, would pass. We've come to accept it now; as I write this it's been four years since that first kiss, four years now of this doomed love.
Well, I wouldn't go too far as to say doomed...
But it's certainly bittersweet.
I can never be the father of her children... We are and always will be forced to live a lie, and looked down on by those more "normal" than us.
At times it does shock me… When she does the same one-eye-closed-raised-eyebrow thing exactly the way I do, or when I get pissed off, squint my eyes and say "whatever" just like she does…
Sometimes I'll look into her eyes and see myself, and I'm sure she does the same.
But I never trick my gargantuan (I've accepted it) head into abandoning her. She needs me as much as I need her, or maybe just a little bit more. She's finally found a reason to open her eyes.
And I'm not about to take that away from her.
A/N: WHEW! It's done! Hope that was worth the effort. Thanks for the support, for your reviews and for your love, everyone!!! I finally finished my first fic!!! Please, please review! Make da moose happy!