What Better Use for Your Millennium Item?

Chapter 3

"Idiot pharaoh! We're here to save your scrawny ass," Bakura announced casually, stepping in the screen door that led to the kitchen and stretching modestly.

"Yami! No!" Ryou cried, horrified. The spiky haired boy stopped before he committed the act that would probably have made those flames reach the ceiling.

"Ryou! Thank goodness you're here!" Yami cried, setting the canister down and rushing over to give the white-haired boy a tight hug. "I don't know what I'm doing!"

Bakura stopped smirking and shot Yami a deadly scowl, which of course the Pharaoh ignored. "I can see that," he grumbled, grabbing a kitchen apron lying haphazardly in the corner and tossing it on top of the flames. He smiled proudly as they were smothered. "Ryou taught me that trick!" he said proudly. "When I lit that bacon on fire!"

"Yami," Ryou asked, wriggling out of his death grip, "Two things. Why were the meatballs on fire? And why were you about to pour gasoline on the fire?"

Yami pouted. "I thought Yugi said gasoline and fire went together," he said sulkily.

"Well, yes," Ryou said, eyes wide. "But they go together to make– to make-" he flailed his arms around. "To make a big boom! Not good!"

"A big boom?" Bakura asked wonderingly. His eyes moved to the gasoline canister. He took a few steps toward it, then hesitated when he felt Ryou's eyes boring into his back. He looked up, scowling, to see his hikari shaking his head disapprovingly at him.

"It's a bad big boom, Bakura," Ryou said patiently. "Yami shouldn't even have gasoline in the kitchen, anyway."

"I'll get rid of it!" Bakura announced. He focused his attention on his glowing Millennium Ring, and in seconds the canister disappeared.

"What did you do with it?" Ryou asked, blinking.

"Sent it to the Shadow Realm," Bakura smirked, stretching his arms languidly. "All in a day's work."

"You don't- oh, Bakura," Ryou said, exasperated. "Just… go stand in the corner and don't hurt anything. Yami and I will work something out."

"Yami and I," Bakura mimicked, stalking into the corner and glaring at the wallpaper determinedly. "Yeah, you go off with the stupid Pharaoh. Because why would you want my sexy body when you could have his scrawny, short, ugly one? Oh, no contest there. Suuure, he's soo much more attractive than me. Riiiight. In Pharaoh's dreams! You know, you'd think my hikari would know better. That's right, you heard me! My hikari!" He gave his blackest, most evil stare ever to the wallpaper. "MINE!"

"Bakura, what are you yelling about?" Ryou asked, pulling out a chair and sinking glumly into it. "Can you please be quiet while I try to help Yami?"

Bakura punched the wall. "I said he's mine!" he hissed at it. "Not that I would want him or anything! But I say the Pharaoh can't have him! Hmp. Pharaoh probably just wants his hikari anyway. The idiot and the runt are perfect for each other. And he better stay away from my hikari!" He examined the damage he'd done to the wall with his repeated punches. Not bad. This would be hard to fix. Muahaha.

He risked a glance over his shoulder to find Ryou on the phone, tapping his foot impatiently. His hikari was so cute when he did that.

Oh, Ra. Why, why, why did he keep having these thoughts? Stupid hikari. Stupid Pharaoh. Stupid runt. Stupid Bakura.

…no, that last part wasn't quite right.

"Okay," Ryou said, hanging up the phone. "I just ordered spaghetti and meatballs from that Italian restaurant across town. Just… pretend you cooked it, all right?"

"Il Fuoco?" Yami asked, brow furrowing as he settled himself on the counter. "I didn't know they delivered."

"They don't," Ryou said, looking down and blushing a little. "I had to promise them to pay triple. They sent over one of the busboys."

"You're going to pay them triple?" Yami asked incredulously. "Or do you mean I'm going to pay them triple? Meaning I'm going to take Yugi's money and pay them triple. All because I can't cook… Yugi's going to hate me!" And with that, the Great and Mighty Pharaoh drew his knees up to his chest and sniffled.

"Um… not exactly," Ryou mumbled. "I figured we could just let Bakura answer the door…"

Yami's head snapped up and he looked straight at the tomb robber. Bakura, shocked that his hikari was letting him have some fun, let a demonic grin creep over his face.

"Just don't kill him," Ryou pleaded.

'What, is Ryou crazy?' Bakura wondered innocently. 'Well, at least he hadn't outlawed torture. Man-Eater Bug, I hope you're hungry!'

Bakura had left to chase the poor guy around the neighborhood. Ryou quickly grabbed the bags the busboy dropped in fright, and handed them to Yami. "They're still hot. Put them on your house plates. Then send the containers they came in to the Shadow Realm, along with the rest of the mess in the kitchen you, uh, 'cleaned up' already. Then go watch Godzilla with Yugi! Why you're watching Godzilla while eating spaghetti is beyond me…" Without so much as a 'good-bye', Ryou bounded off into the night. Bakura was nowhere to be seen, but Ryou trusted that he'd be back in their house in the morning.

Yami nervously brought the dishes of food into the living room. At first glance, Yugi was nowhere to be seen, but as he approached the back of the couch he saw that Yugi was lying on it, dozing peacefully.

How precious… Yami dearly wished he had one of those 'kamra' things. The 'teknology' Yugi always talked about. He would really like a picture of his hikari like this. Of course, he got to see it every night… he often 'sleepwalked' into Yugi's room and ended up watching the adorable boy… but Yugi didn't actually drool every night. He debated wiping it away, but as he leaned over, the plate tilted. Flailing desperately, Yami managed to catch the food, but a lone meatball rolled off the edge and landed with a smack on Yugi's shoulder.

The boy's violet eyes popped open and he sat up. "What the-"

"Dinner!" Yami chirped, pretending to help Yugi sit up while grabbing the meatball. At a loss what to do with it, he shoved the whole thing in his mouth. "Hmere's ymr mammetti."

"Here's my spaghetti?" Yugi guessed, accepting the plate. "Don't talk with your mouth full, Yami." He punctuated the admonishment with a sunny smile, and Yami smiled back. Or at least tried to. He found that he couldn't really move his lips too well with all the food packed in. He settled for praying to Ra that Yugi didn't notice the stain the meatball's sauce had left on the corner of his blue T-shirt.

Hmmm… that blue T-shirt was too loose on Yugi. The full-body leather was definitely a better look… well, better for looking, he should say. Well, at least Yugi's pants were leather. Of course, Yami would rather Yugi be standing. Or bending over, maybe. Or…

Not liking the turn these thoughts were taking, Yami managed to cram another meatball in his mouth as Yugi took his first bite.

He would go through this saga of events any day – cooking, setting things on fire, being taunted by Bakura, stealing from restaurants and lying – to see the look on Yugi's face again. The boy's big eyes lit up and…

Whew. Yami was glad that the situation was too weird for him to be turned on, because when Yugi 'mmmm'-ed in pleasure, his face turned bright red.

Yugi chewed happily for a moment, then noticed his yami's crimson face. "Yami? Are you choking?" he asked, voice full of concern. He helpfully reached over and pounded Yami's back. "Maybe two meatballs was too much," he suggested as Yami forced himself to chew the meat and swallow a little at a time. "Actually, I think one was probably enough." He watched Yami, eyes full of amusement, and sampled the spaghetti. "Oh, Yami! This is so good! I had no idea you were such a good cook!"

"Uhm…" Yami said, deciding that he'd rather be choking than respond to Yugi's innocent comment. And maybe if he choked, Yugi would have to give him mouth-to-mouth to revive him!

But while he was pondering this, Yugi got up and flicked off the lights, then turned the movie on.

Yami ate the restaurant-made spaghetti peacefully. He probably should be watching the movie. But he'd found that if he tilted his head about 15 degrees to the side and moved it over about a foot, he could see Yugi's reflection in the TV screen.

"Yami?" Yugi asked quietly. "What are you doing? Why are you holding your head funny?"

The pharaoh flushed guiltily. "Me? Uh, nothing. Uh… well, everyone in Ancient Egypt watched their TV this way! I'm just following tradition!"

Yugi diverted his attention fully from the screen. "What? What are you talking about, Yami? The television wasn't invented until-"

"Ooh! My favorite part!" Yami interrupted, staring at the screen as if enthralled. Then determinedly, he moved his head back to the way it had been.

Yugi stared at Yami a second before returning his own attention to the movie. Well, Yami was sure acting weird. But it didn't really matter… the way Yami's head was positioned, he could see it reflected in the TV screen. Yami looked awfully absorbed in the movie… he wished he could concentrate the same way. The purple-eyed boy let out a soft sigh as he stared dreamily at the reflection.

And as the two pined away for each other, Godzilla rampaged around the screen.

"Hi. I'm an idiot," Ishizu announced upon reentering the living room with Ryou in tow; she'd waited for him to get back, spending the time wisely. That is, beating herself up for latching onto Shadi like that.

"Did you see that in the Millennium Necklace?" Joey snickered.

Téa glared at him. "I wouldn't get on her bad side again," she said teasingly. "Who knows what she could do to you. Maybe she's seen some embarrassing stories…"

Joey blanched as Ishizu winked at him. "Like the time you were so hungry you tried to eat the neighbor's dog's food? And when your neighbor came running out of the house, you tried to run but slipped and fell in the mud puddle left over from the rain the day before? And then scared your neighbor's daughter by running past her and her friend's jump-roping game covered from head to foot in mud and dog hair?"

"That was forever ago!" Joey defended, putting his hands over his ears.

"Joey, that was Monday."

Serenity began chuckling, no doubt remembering when her brother had burst into the house wet, dirty, and very hungry. Marik gave her a shy smile, then turned to Ishizu curiously. "Why are you an idiot, big sister?"

Ishizu scowled. "I said something stupid, did something stupid, and left Shadi covered in butter."

When the room abruptly fell silent, she looked up. Everyone was staring at her with expressions ranging from horror to amusement. "Well… he can go tobogganing on hard surfaces easily now," she offered.

Shadi… tobogganing… oh dear Ra. The mental images that evoked… she shuddered. Scary.

"Oh no," Joey said, staring out the window. Ryou glanced casually over, did a double-take, then ran over and pressed his eyes against it.

"Oh, Bakura," Ryou moaned for the second time that evening.

Through his mind-link, Bakura heard his hikari's lament. He frowned a little… there were better ways Ryou could be moaning that. He'd be glad to help…

For the record, he had not admitted that. He put it out of his mind as he continued to chase the busboy through the streets. The fat kid could really move, or maybe there was just something about having your life threatened by someone obviously unstable.

Yes, he was unstable and proud of it!

Notes: That tobogganing comment- there's a story behind that. A weird one. Skip the next paragraph if you've already had your fair share of insanity for today:

I was reading a parody of the movie Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, and I got to the part where Denethor poured oil all over Faramir. The parody had a note that read something like this: "Faramir covered in oil, ladies- think of all the things you could do with that." My first thought: Play hockey with him! My second thought: He could go tobogganing! By the third time around, though, I figured things out… but ever since, I've had a certain fondness for tobogganing. I figure butter should work as well as oil.

…Feel free to ignore me at your convenience.

Next chapter: A week later, Ishizu decides to get things moving. She picks the 'perfect way' to get Seto and Joey together… Also, Bakura is blunt. Far too blunt.