What Better Use For Your Millennium Item?
I decided to go for something new and gave you some of Shadi's perspective this chapter. Tell me how ya like it. Warning: It's about as OOC as it gets. It's absolutely psychotic. I think these chapters are only going to get stranger…
/blah/ Ryou to Bakura
/blah/ Bakura to Ryou
The above might change in future chapters. Don't worry about that now.
Chapter 5
"Hey, uh- Ishizu?"
Up until Téa showed up, Shadi and Ishizu had been walking alone. The trail, starting near the school, wound its way through the peaceful woods. The sun was shining through the green trees and birds were softly chirping. Ishizu was humming happily, Shadi was with the girl of his dreams no matter how much he denied having those dreams, and everything was idyllic. Then Téa so rudely interrupted them…
Yeah, right. This is what really happened:
Shadi and Ishizu had dashed away from the school at top speed, covered in dirt and gravel and even melted tar, because the sun was so damn hot it melted the pavement. They'd escaped into the woods, but there was no water and Shadi was thirsty, and he could have sworn the birds were laughing at them. Ishizu was humming happily because she'd tricked her younger brother's friend; started a giant screaming match between a tomb robber and a pharaoh; paralyzed Yugi; gotten Seto and Joey, two sworn enemies, sent to the Shadow Realm; and did it all in the name of love. Shadi was annoyed because although Ishizu was the girl- or woman, whichever- of his dreams, somehow reality never went precisely the way his dreams did. When Téa rushed up, he could have kissed her for providing a distraction from said sucky reality, except that he didn't want to kiss her, he wanted to kiss Ishizu, who was part of the sucky reality and therefore he couldn't, so he didn't kiss anyone and instead just stood there and looked disapproving.
That didn't even make sense. And the damned birds were still chirping, which meant they were really still secretly laughing at him.
They were talking about the Millennium Items and the Shadow Realm and Seto and Joey, so Shadi tuned them out. He was sick of the stupid Millennium Items (if they weren't causing great evil or putting the world in danger or housing absolute psychos, they were the reason a fellow Millennium Item holder was roping him into playing Cupid-with-a-turban). He was sick of the Shadow Realm (people were being sent there about every five minutes now. Fine, if they weren't smart enough to run away screaming when they got within ten miles of Bakura, Marik, Yami in too-tight and painful leather or a PMSing Ishizu, they deserved to be sent to the Shadow Realm). And he was sick of Seto and Joey (thinking about those two took time away from dreaming about Ishizu, fuming about Ishizu, crying because of Ishizu, running away from Ishizu, and chasing after Ishizu).
"Bakura will get them out," Ishizu assured Téa. "Possibly sometime if he's in the mood."
"But…" Téa said hopelessly. "But what can I do?"
"Absolutely nothing. Stop trying." Ishizu beamed. "They're much happier this way, I'm telling you."
"Lemme go!" Joey yelped. "Lemme go or I swear I'll…"
"Let me guess," Seto said sarcastically. "Make more threats you cannot possibly follow through on? Puppy's bark is worse than his bite… in fact, I think the puppy probably doesn't have any teeth at all." He shifted his arm casually- the arm that was holding Joey's head in an airtight lock.
"Oh, I bite," Joey said angrily. He would have, too, except after lunging forward, he realized that the only part of Seto's body he could reach in this particular position was his crotch, and he firmly told himself that no, he didn't really want to do that. Yet. In the Shadow Realm. So he turned the other way, attempted to bite Kaiba's arm, couldn't do it, and resumed the threats. "Lemme go!"
The smirk on Seto's face was so infuriating- okay, so he couldn't see Seto's face, but he could feel the smirk. "I'll… I'll…" Inspiration struck: "I'll tickle you!"
"What?" Seto asked in alarm, scary visions of a sugar-high Mokuba dancing through his head, but it was too late. Joey had one arm free, and he flung it around Seto's waist, thanking… whoever cared… that his arm was long and Seto's waist was slender, and started tickling for all he was worth.
Immediately, Seto's grip loosened and Joey squirmed free. But, since this was the first time in his life he'd had the advantage over Seto Kaiba, he kept up the attack. "TICKLE-MONSTER!" he hollered, not caring how stupid he sounded. Seto was on the ground, writhing, letting out choked noises that might have been laughter if it was laughter coming from a dying duck.
Somewhere behind them, the shadows shifted and a slender figure appeared. The Dark Magician peered at them for a few moments, trying to figure out if it was worth it to interfere. Guiltily, he pictured Yami and Joey dueling side by side, as they had when he was Yami's Deck Master. With a sigh, he floated forward to try and stop, uh, whatever in Ra's name was going on.
Ishizu blinked. Normally, a blink wouldn't be worthy to note, but this was a special blink. In the short time she closed her eyes, a rather… unsettling vision occurred…
"I'll kill you!" Seto Kaiba hollered, clambering to his feet and rushing at Joey. Joey, up until then, had been being held by the arms by the taller Dark Magician. But upon seeing Seto rushing at him in an entirely different manner than what he'd generally hope for, he panicked. Kicking the Dark Magician in the shin and rushing away when the Dark Magician's grip loosened, Joey ran for his life.
"On the other hand, perhaps it would be a good idea to find Bakura now," Ishizu suggested casually.
"I'll send you to the Shadow Realm," Bakura growled. "No- I'll summon monsters from the Shadow Realm! A-haha, they'll eat you alive. Or perhaps it would be better if I slit your throat and roasted your brains…"
"You know, that's really gross," Mokuba Kaiba commented. "Do you think he ran upstairs?"
"I have a specially sharp dagger," Bakura threatened. "It's right here…" he reached for the shiny-pretty-dagger at his belt, but frowned when he found its sheath empty. So that's why Ryou had that guilty look! Never trust the cute ones. Like Mokuba, for instance.
"Thanks for helping me track down my new dog," Mokuba said sweetly. "I'd ask Seto but I don't know where he is."
Bakura grumbled. "I can't believe you need help finding a puppy in your own house." He paused: "I can't believe you lost your own puppy in your own house!" And then again: "I can't believe you roped me into helping you find your lost dog!"
Mokuba ignored him. "Maybe we should try calling the dog by name," he suggested.
Bakura rolled his eyes. "Well, there's a suggestion," he said sarcastically. "What's the dog's name?"
"Sugar!"
Bakura stared at Mokuba. Mokuba gazed back with large eyes.
Bakura sighed and cleared his throat, thanking Ra that Ryou wasn't around. "Uh… Sugar! Sugar! Suu-gar! Sugar? Sugar… Sugar? SUGAR, I COMMAND YOU TO COME FORTH!"
"Um, okay," Ryou said tentatively. "Maybe this will work?" Cautiously, he reached over and prodded Yugi in the side. Nothing happened.
"Come on, Yugi!" he said in frustration. "I tried dumping water on your head. All that happened was that you're now wet. I pinched your nose and put my hand over your mouth, but after about two minutes, I figured it probably wasn't healthy to stop breathing and anyway you still weren't responding. I tried smelling salts, but the strongest-smelling thing I had was a marker, and that accidentally got too close to your nose." He looked at the black smudge on Yugi's face. "And poking you in the stomach isn't working!"
Normally, when you yell, you take a deep breath. Ryou was about to yell, but it was mentally. After wasting about three minutes wondering if he could take a deep breath mentally, he just did it.
/YAMIIIII/
/Sugar/
/Wha-at/
/Ryou/
Yes, I'm Ryou, not 'Sugar'. Who is 'Sugar'/
/…a dog/
/Really/
/No, I enjoy lying to you/
/You do
/Oh, Ra, I'm not lying. Sugar is a dog and Mokuba is a brat. What do you want/
/Yugi's… stuck/
/'Stuck'/
/Yeah. He hasn't moved in the last half hour/
/Well, punch him in the stomach or stab him in the arm or something/
/Bakura! I couldn't do that
/Well, bring him over here and I'll do it. It should be fun/
Ryou hesitated. /Won't that hurt him/
/How stupid are you/
/What/
/No, it won't hurt him at all/
/Um… okay, I guess. Say, where are you/
/The Kaiba Mansion/
/You're not robbing it, are you/
/Ryou, you just don't trust me at all, do you/
/Of course not/
/What'd you do with my dagger/
/…oops…/
/Sugar/
/WHAT/
/I see the dog. Ryou, just come over here! Now/
/Uh… okay…/
Bakura didn't answer after that. With a sigh, Ryou stepped up to Yugi. "Uh…" he said, wondering how strong he was. He tentatively grasped Yugi's hand and pulled. Yugi nearly fell over, but Ryou was still holding his arm. "Oh, dear," the boy said, sighing. "Here we go…"
Ishizu, Shadi, and Téa backtracked so they'd wind up at the school again. When they stepped in the parking lot, they discovered Yugi, literally lying in Ryou's arms.
"No!" Ishizu screeched, rushing forward. "No, no, no, you've got it all wrong! Ryou, you don't belong with Yugi, you belong with Bak-" She stopped when she saw that Yugi was actually being dragged very slowly across the ground by Ryou.
"What did you say, Ishizu?" Ryou asked, sweating heavily with the exertion. "What about Bakura?"
"Oh, just wondering where he is," she said, assuming a very casual pose.
"He's at the Kaiba mansion," Ryou said heavily. "I have to bring Yugi there. Bakura said he'd wake him up."
Ishizu thought about telling Ryou that Bakura really wasn't the best choice and a medical expert would be much wiser, but it seemed like a nice gesture on Bakura's part. Maybe it would bring them closer together. Well, Yugi could deal, right? Perhaps if he was hurt more, Yami would have to stick by his side 24/7.
"Well, drag away!" she said, beaming. "We'll follow you!"
Ryou started to protest, but Shadi was still thirsty and therefore cranky. "Hold on," he grumbled. "I'll use my Millennium Key to bring us directly there. I usually save that trick for intimidating people at parties, or on blimps…" Ignoring the strange looks he was receiving, he focused on the Key and their surroundings blurred.
"I think I'm going to throw up," Ryou declared, falling to his knees.
"Hikari? How did you learn to do that?"
Ryou gazed directly up to see Bakura towering over him, looking annoyed and confused. "Eep!" he eep-ed, and fell over backwards.
Bakura rolled his eyes, annoyed, and his eyes fell on Shadi. "Oh. That explains it. I knew Ryou couldn't do cool-scary magic."
"Hey!" Ryou protested, but he was cut off.
"Hiya, everyone!" Mokuba said cheerfully. "Meet Sugar!" With a bark, the puppy Black Labrador jumped atop Yugi, happily licking his face.
"What?" Yugi muttered, fluttering his eyes several times. "Yami? Is that you?" (Ishizu stifled a grin, but poorly. Shadi glared at her.)
"You wish," Bakura sneered. Realizing that this sort of thing was what caused the whole paralyzed-Yugi incident in the first pace, Ryou decided this would be an opportune time to stomp on Bakura's foot. Unfortunately, he was still on his rear end, so instead he had to settle for pounding Bakura's foot with a fist with all of his strength. Bakura glanced down to see if a mouse had run over his foot or something, but all he saw was Ryou cowering. Ryou had been smart to cower, because Bakura was scary and psychotic when he was angry (and even most of the time when he wasn't, but it didn't matter because he was angry most of the time), but it wasn't quite so smart of him to try and hide behind Bakura's leg. A scuffle ensued, but this ended up escaping Ishizu's attention. She was trying to make sure Yugi was okay, because if he died it would be awfully hard for him to date Yami.
"Bakura?" Téa asked, the only one in the group to actually keep her focus. "Would you mind bringing Seto and Joey back from the Shadow Realm?"
Bakura looked up guiltily. In self-defense, Ryou had latched onto his leg, wrapping all four limbs around Bakura's leg. Bakura, in retaliation, had been pulling Ryou's hair. This made for an interesting picture, but he remained the dignity that was inherent in a tomb robber. He pouted and said, "I don't wanna!"
"Please?" Téa offered. For some reason, she was under the belief that Bakura was a normal, sensible person that could be persuaded through politeness.
"No!"
"Please?" Ryou asked, for some reason turning his death-grip on Bakura's leg into a hug. Bakura glanced down in alarm, letting go of Ryou's hair, as Ryou nuzzled his face against Bakura's knee. "Pretty please?" he asked sweetly again, cocking his head and making his eyes as large as possible.
"N-no!" Bakura managed to choke out. Abruptly, Ryou's soft-deer look was replaced by a sour look reminiscent of a giraffe that had swallowed a lemon. (Bakura had actually seen that once. And no, he hadn't had anything to do with that unfortunate incident at the zoo.)
"Damn you!" Ryou said, hitting Bakura's knee once more with his fist. Bakura howled, because Ryou had chanced to hit a sensitive spot, and took a swipe at his hikari. Unfortunately, the added weight of Ryou on his leg caused him to overbalance, falling next to Yugi (lying on the floor with the dog sitting on top of him), at the feet of Téa, Ishizu, and Shadi, and right in front of Mokuba.
"The Shadow Realm?" he asked in a quivery voice. "Big-brother Seto?"
Next chapter: Seto and Joey make a not-so-triumphant return and Ryou is a klutz.