Final Goodbye
By: NightChild
(Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or anything associated with it.)
Don't tell me those lies and then turn away as if I don't matter. But I can't force myself to tell you this; that there's nothing that I wouldn't do for you and still you refuse to see. Are my cries in the night so meaningless? Do you even realize the power you hold over me? I doubt you do.
You're so perfectly flawed, the one who pretends to be strong and emotionless, only to fall away and weep in the dark. I don't think you understand that I see you so clearly, can see past your masks, lies, falsehoods. Everyone accepts them without a second glance, everyone beside me.
But I'm pretending too, aren't I? Pretending that I don't notice, at least pretending to you. Knowing that if you had the knowledge that I saw you for whom you really are, you'd turn away, frightened.
Does he understand you in the way that I do? Can he notice the slight trembles in your eyes that want to cry until there's no more silvery tears? Does his heart beat only for you? How about yours? Is this love you hold for him so pure and true that you're willing to always make me second? I know it must be, because I've always been second, hidden in the shadows while you wander the universe, searching for more.
And yet, my heart still clings to you, my ears hang on your every word, my body yearns for your touch so greatly that it hurts. But I can't show this openly. You won't let me. Do you know that my dreams are filled only with you? The nightmares holding your violent death, sending me to wakefulness with a cry, shuddering, frightened tears? Of course you don't. You've never been that observant, have you?
As I think of these things, tears come to my eyes and I know that you'll never love me as much as I love you. I can't keep pretending. It's killing me, Heero. Killing me.
I wish it hadn't come to this. But I can't take it anymore. This pain from your neglectfulness is too much, crushing my heart with the power to still its trembling flutters. And so, I have to leave you. Leave you to your universe wandering, your other lover, and hope that somehow my soul will return to me. Because my soul isn't mine anymore, it's been yours since that day that I tended to your wounds after you self-destructed. But I have to leave. Have to say goodbye one last time and hide my tears in the dark once again.
Eternally cursed to be yours,
Trowa