What Better Use For Your Millennium Item?

Chapter 9

Yami wandered the town, clutching the absolutely humiliating 'Cheese'. Yes, he'd named the… the things he was supposed to use on the hikari… 'Cheese'. He didn't want to refer to them by their proper name, even in his thoughts. He felt too guilty.

Of course, that didn't change the fact that he was carrying them, and without a bag. He was occupying his time by wondering if it would be hypocritical of him to send anyone caught looking at him and the Cheese too closely to the Shadow Realm, after lecturing Bakura for doing the same (minus the Cheese- at least he hoped so).

No, he decided, as he scowled at a girl in her mid-twenties. She was giggling as she looked at him and the glum expression on his face. It wouldn't be hypocritical, it would be just and fair. And he'd made a career of fighting for virtue.

Maybe he'd just… send Weevil on a little vacation for the rest of his life where no one could find him. Then Weevil could never win, and no one would ever know.

Téa. Damnit. Forget that plan.

The girl Yami was silently cursing for making him play this evil, evil game was currently jogging down the road to the Kaiba mansion. Yugi was the first one she came across, and she gladly sped up to him. "Hey there!" she greeted.

"Hm? Oh. Hi, Téa," Yugi said listlessly. "Are your teeth okay?"

She blinked. "Yeeeess…"

"That's good." Yugi smiled wanly at her.

"Um, Yugi? Are you okay?"

"I'm all right," he said dejectedly. "I'm just a little tired, that's all."

"Do you miss Yami?" she guessed. "You haven't seen him all day."

Yugi blushed. "Maybe a little…"

"Well, I saw him back there!" she said, pointing. "He said he was eventually heading back to the Game Shop. Why don't you head there? I think you should rest anyway."

"Sure," Yugi said, already beginning to perk up. "Thanks, Téa. See you tomorrow!"

"Bye, Yugi! Oh, but before you go, have you seen any of the others?"

"Yeah, they're back there. Seto and Joey are unconscious in one of the rooms, Mokuba is brushing his teeth, Ryou and Bakura are chasing each other down the street back to their place… I'm not really sure who's chasing who. Ishizu is dancing around Kaiba's mansion and Shadi is trying to stop her." Yugi paused, considering everything he'd just said. "Do you think I'm dreaming all this?"

"Eh-heh," Téa sweatdropped. She felt kind of bad for confusing her friend so much, but if all went well… something good would happen. What was it that was supposed to happen again?

Oh yes. Yami and Yugi would fall in love- or at least admit that they'd fallen in love- and achieve eternal happiness. She nodded, ignoring Yugi's curious look.

"I'm going to go continue my walk," she announced. "Thanks, Yugi."

"Sure," he said, crinkling his brow. "Uh, bye, Téa!"

They waved cheerfully as she jogged off. She needed to catch Ryou before Yami did. Well, she needed to catch Ryou while Yami needed to 'catch' him. Or did she need to 'catch' Ryou while Yami needed to literally catch him?

Screw that. She needed to talk to Ryou in order to prevent Yami from catching him so Yami would be forced to catch Yugi.

The sight of Ryou up ahead was, luckily, the distraction she needed to pull her mind away from the mindless internal debate on 'catching'. "Hey!" she called, wondering where Bakura was. The 'plan' she'd come up with depended on Ryou's insanely overprotective yami, even if Bakura would go on a killing spree if anyone mentioned that he was insanely overprotective.

"Help get it off help me off off off!"

Téa stopped running and blinked.

"Heeeeeeelp!" Ryou sped by, waving his arms frantically.

Téa crossed her arms and glared while spinning in a full circle. That way, she couldn't miss glaring at Bakura no matter where he was.

"What do you want?" he grumbled, stepping over the low railing and onto the road.

"What did you do to Ryou?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.

He grinned, and she immediately knew asking had been a mistake. The glint in his eyes was a dead-giveaway that Bakura was ready to brag about whatever had sent poor Ryou running off like that.

"Okay, we were walking down the road when sissy-Ryou started badgering me about the necklace I stole." He didn't wait for Téa's reprimand but plowed on. "I told him again that I only stole it so he could wear it and of course he started whining that I thought he was a girl again. I very nicely listened to him for a few seconds but I got bored and then I grabbed his hair. He squealed 'Don't pull my hair!' and I laughed because he sounded like a girl again. I put the necklace on him and he got mad and tried to tackle me and both of us fell off the road. Baka-Ryou managed to grab onto a railing but I fell down the hill. He ran down the street screaming for someone to get the necklace off while I climbed back up, only to see you glaring at me for no apparent reason!" Bakura finished in a huff.

Téa felt dizzy. But she had gotten one thing out of that explanation. "Are you planning on apologizing?" she asked tartly.

Bakura stared at her. And stared. And stared… "What?" she asked, annoyed.

"I'm waiting for you to laugh," he explained.

"Why would I laugh?" Téa asked, clenching her fist.

"You were joking, right?" he asked skeptically.

"You- oooooh!" Téa snarled at him. "Forget you! I only came to see Ryou anyway."

"Hmm," he said distantly. "And why is that?"

She stopped a second. This wasn't exactly how she'd intended to pull off this plan, but she'd take what she could. "I needed to give him a message from Yami," she said sweetly.

Bakura didn't react how she'd expected him to. She thought that he might glare, or growl, or at least look annoyed. He didn't.

His eyes shot open, his Millennium Ring glowed red, and the road exploded.

Téa ducked as chunks of asphalt rained down around her. "You jerk!" she shrieked during her momentary panic, sure her skull was going to be crushed. Luckily for her, Ishizu had come waltzing down the road, followed by a huffing Shadi. Shadi, wondering how he'd gone from being the sacred guardian of the seven Millennium Items to the poor sucker tagging after his crush and saving all her friends, worked some quick magic and the bits of road Bakura had just torn up stopped and hung in midair.

Téa slowly uncovered her head and looked around, eyes wide. "Wow…" she said, touching one of the pieces hanging in midair. "Can you put the road back together?"

"No." Shadi waved a hand and the asphalt disappeared.

Ishizu amused herself for a moment picturing what would happen the next time someone tried to drive down this road. She rather hoped it'd be Seto Kaiba, if only because he was under the impression that the world rearranged things for his benefit.

"The Pharaoh said what?" Bakura demanded.

Téa debated chewing him out verbally or just dumping all pretenses and strangling him. Then she decided that she felt bad for him, because Bakura was so obviously in love with Ryou but too afraid (or too dumb) to admit it. Then she remembered that she needed his help in making sure that, in 'Catch the Hikari,' Yami couldn't catch Ryou and would be forced to catch Yugi. Then she recalled the thought she'd had earlier- Bakura wouldn't help them under any circumstances, so he would have to be unaware that he was helping them. With all that threatening to explode her head, she quickly said, "Yami is looking for Ryou because he thinks Ryou needs a boyfriend!"

By dissecting that sentence bit by bit, Téa decided, it wasn't really lying. Yami was looking for Ryou. She was reasonably sure that Yami 'thought', because he was sort-of-technically-human, even if he only really thought about Yugi. And Ryou certainly needed a boyfriend.

Still feeling a little guilty about misleading Bakura (but there was no way she was going to tell him the truth), she turned to him to further explain.

He was long, long gone.

(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)

Ryou was not only a weak sissy, Bakura decided, but a slow runner. The tomb-robber caught up with his hikari before the EVIL PHARAOH did and grabbed Ryou's shoulder as the boy tried to sprint down the street.

"Eeee!" Ryou squealed.

"Eeee?" Bakura asked, forcing Ryou to stop running.

"What are you doing here?" Ryou asked, frowning unhappily.

For some reason, Bakura felt a funny sensation in his gut. It wasn't guilt. No, not at all. It was just a sorry, regretful- no, it wasn't that either. He did not take back anything he'd done. He was perfectly happy with having ruined Ryou's life and made his small hikari sad-

"I'M SORRY!" he bellowed in Ryou's face, nearly causing the boy to fall over.

"Wh-what?" Ryou asked, eyes wide.

Bakura took a deep breath, intending to scream louder, since that was usually what you were supposed to do when someone asked you 'what?'. Ryou luckily noticed this, and in a frantic attempt to save his eardrums, clapped a hand over Bakura's mouth.

Did he really have a death wish?

"You bit me!" Ryou shrieked.

"You put your hand over my mouth," Bakura retorted.

"You- you- you meanie, you bit me!"

"We've been here before, Ryou."

"I can't believe you bit me!"

"Raar!" Bakura opened his mouth, baring his sharp canines again. Ryou shrieked in fear, and Bakura pounced on him.

"Don't bite me!" Ryou pleaded in fear, curling up into a little ball.

"Hmp," Bakura snorted, deftly removing the necklace from Ryou's neck and cramming in back into his pocket. "There."

"…oh." Ryou meekly stood up, trying in vain to dust himself off.

"Here, let me help." With a decidedly evil grin, Bakura began whacking at his hikari, pretending that he was innocently trying to get the dust off.

"Ow- stop- ouch- hey- don't!- BAKURA!"

"All better," Bakura said sweetly. At least, he tried to say it sweetly. Seeing as this was Bakura, it came out more vicious, evil, life-threatening and scary. And yes, Ryou was scared.

"I think I'll just go home now…"

"You're coming with me," Bakura suddenly growled, leaping in front of Ryou and glancing frantically around. "So the Pharaoh doesn't- doesn't- doesn't try to molest you!"

"WHAT?" Ryou squeaked, his eyes growing huge. "What on earth are you talking ab- AAAH!"

"This isn't very dignified, is it?" Bakura asked, sounding almost happy.

"You're lugging me down the street on your shoulder!" Ryou protested from his upside-down position. "Of course it's not dignified!"

"Somehow, I'm okay with that," Bakura said thoughtfully, hoisting Ryou's weight and continuing on undisturbed. "After all, it's not me looking silly."

"Oh, no, carrying another boy down the street doesn't look silly at all," Ryou said sarcastically, trying not to let his hands dangle down. If they did, they would brush against Bakura's rear, and he desperately wanted to avoid that. "Wh-where are you taking me?"

"Home," Bakura said shortly, looking around in paranoia, expecting Yami to jump out from behind the nearest bush.

"But- that's where I wanted to go-"

"I know," Bakura said with all the patience he could muster (not much, unfortunately, especially seeing as how he was now confused. He'd just noticed that there weren't any bushes around, so where was Yami supposed to jump out of? Perhaps he'd be trying an aerial attack). "So why are you complaining?"

"Well- I'm not, but…"

"Good."

"But- since I want to go home, don't you think I can walk by myself?"

"You're vulnerable that way," Bakura said seriously, tightening his grip on Ryou.

The white-haired boy (the more stable one) glanced at the other white-haired boy (the less stable one) in confusion. Or perhaps that 'confusion' was really just the blood rushing to his head from being hung upside-down. He'd begun to realize how all that treasure Bakura had stolen in Ancient Egypt had felt.

Why was Bakura insisting on treating him like that 'treasure'? Ryou felt funny being compared to, say, golden statues encrusted with gems. Albeit, stolen golden statues encrusted with gems, but to Bakura that probably made them more valuable.

Bakura snorted with laughter. "Treasure?"

If all the blood hadn't already been there, it would have rushed to his face; and if Ryou hadn't already been bright red, he would have gone redder. Stupid mind-link.

"You think you're like my treasure," Bakura said thoughtfully, patting Ryou's back. "You know what I did with my treasure, right?"

"Aaah… sold it on the black market?" Ryou asked, vaguely noticing that they were at his house. Bakura kicked the door open and skipped in; Ryou's head banged against the frame. "Oooow!"

It was funny, shouldn't someone as sadistic as Bakura enjoy hearing him cry out in pain? Instead, Bakura whirled around to look at Ryou, realized after spinning around three times that it was impossible with Ryou on his shoulder, ran to the next room and dumped Ryou on the couch. "What hurts?" he demanded. "Did the Pharaoh do it?"

Ryou blinked at him, rubbing the side of his head. The pain had already gone away. "Nooo… it's okay now."

"Are you sure?" Bakura glared at him suspiciously.

"Yes, I'm sure, yami," Ryou said, mildly exasperated but mostly nervous. He'd never really seen Bakura acting like this before. He started to stand up, but Bakura shoved a hand out and pushed him back down.

"No! You're not getting up until you're all better!"

"I am all better," Ryou said, squinting at him. "I think maybe you're the one sick."

"Your face is all red!"

"Because you hauled me around town upside-down!"

Bakura ignored him, and shoved Ryou back to a lying position. "So, you know what I did back when I was a tomb-robber?" He didn't wait for an answer, or listened to Ryou's annoyed spluttering. Suddenly, Bakura's face broke into a decidedly evil grin, baring his sharp canines. Ryou's face grew pale.

"I slept with the treasure under my pillow," he said, crawling next to Ryou on the couch and putting his head firmly on the other boy's stomach. "So no one else could steal it from me."

Ryou didn't say anything for a long, long time.

Next chapter: The epic chase between Yami and Weevil for Yugi comes to a close; Shadi and Ishizu finally sort things out. Who was calling who clueless?

(Don't you just feel sorry for Shadi?)