Standard disclaimer: Trigun is not ours. Bummer.
Meryl smiled and leaned against the gatepost. She should go in and give these two a moment alone, but her heart was too full of joy at the sight of them together. It had been such a long time since she had been this happy. Wolfwood leaned down to kiss Millie and Meryl turned to the side to give them some privacy. She unbuttoned her coat and pulled out her hair clip, shaking her hair down over her shoulders. That was better, she thought and stretched. Wolfwood had driven them here non-stop. She glanced over again at the pair and smiled.
"It's nice to see them reunited, isn't it?" A voice spoke in her ear.
"It's wonderful," she replied without thinking.
"He came to the insurance agency to find her?"
"Uh huh. This morning actually. Then he dragged me out here as fast as he could..." Wait, who was she talking to? The voice sounded familiar- Meryl turned her head and found herself looking at a very familiar, much- missed, outlaw. He took advantage of her surprise to give her a quick, hard hug as she stood there.
"Hey, small insurance girl, it's good to see you."
"VASH?!" Meryl's yelp was loud enough to pull Wolfwood and Millie apart.
"Vash?" Wolfwood looked over, surprise in his eyes. "You're still alive!"
"Isn't that my line?" Vash stepped out into the road and smiled at Wolfwood. "It's good to see you, Terrorist-Priest."
"You too, Tongari." Wolfwood grinned. "Together again. Well, what were the odds of this happening?"
"Astronomical," Vash turned slightly and grinned. "It looks like we're drawing an audience." Millie's family was leaning out of windows and the front door, looking towards the street.
"Ooops. I'd better take you two in to meet the family..."
Wolfwood was telling the story of his adventures to an appreciative audience. He sat in a chair by the fire, Millie at his feet, enrapturing her family with his charm. No, Meryl thought, it's his love for Millie that's winning them over. Wolfwood would often look down at Millie and the expression in his eyes... Meryl smiled. She was sitting on the hearth, next to Vash, several small children leaning on them as they shared popcorn and listened to Wolfwood.
"So then, there I am, in front of Bernadelli Insurance, wondering what I'm going to say to you," he glanced down at Millie. "After all, it's not everyday that someone comes back from the dead, right? So, I finally plucked up my courage and went in. The place is practically deserted - it's lunchtime and there's no sign of my insurance girl- but there's this one woman pounding furiously away on a keyboard in the corner. So I walk over and find myself face to face with Meryl."
"You didn't recognize her when you came in?" One of the children leaning on Meryl asked.
"Nope. She didn't have long hair like that when I knew her." Wolfwood smiled briefly at her. "Looks nice, by the way."
"Thanks, I think." Meryl made a face at him and the children giggled.
"What did she do when she saw you? Did she really hit you?" Vash asked.
"Well, first she looked like she was going to faint."
"Well, duh, I thought I was hallucinating!"
"So you hit him to make sure he was real?" Millie teased.
"To be fair, she hugged me before she slapped me." Wolfwood grinned at Millie. "She was happy I was alive, but mad that I took so long to get there."
"That's our girl." Vash winked at her.
"Oh shh." Meryl glared back. "I didn't know all this other stuff yet."
"Then what happened?" Mrs. Thompson asked. Wolfwood picked up the story again.
"Her boss told Meryl she really needed to leave for her vacation early as she was obviously stressed out..."
"He didn't say that!"
"It was implied. So then she dragged me off, bought me coffee and doughnuts, and made me tell her what had taken me so darn long to get there. Then she admitted that she was going to visit you the next day and said that she might consider taking me along if I could assure her of my good intentions. After determining my intentions were in fact, good and honorable, she insisted that we leave right away on my motorcycle and not wait for the bus at all."
"I insisted?... oh never mind." Meryl smiled and shrugged. "Whatever, preacher man. I know the truth."
"What is the truth?" Millie asked impishly.
"I'll admit to the coffee and doughnuts. I'll even admit to... what did he call it? Determining if his intentions were honorable? I thought I was threatening him, but that sounds better." Meryl smiled at Millie and then raised her eyebrow at Wolfwood. "But who was it that wanted to leave on that beat up old bike instead of waiting for the nice safe bus? Who didn't even want to wait for me to pack my suitcase? Who complained that it took me 20 minutes to get all my things together? Who drove us straight here without stopping and yet complained that his bike was not getting us here fast enough?"
"I give! I give!" Wolfwood held up his hands. "You win. But did you have to diss my bike?"
"Hey, at least it got you here," Vash pointed out to Meryl. "The last time I accepted a ride from Wolfwood, his bike broke down in the middle of the desert."
"I remember," Meryl smiled at him. "I kept thinking about it the whole time we were on the way here. What if the bike broke down? What if we crashed? What if Mr. Wolfwood had a nervous breakdown?"
"Hey!I...!"
"But you made it here just fine," Millie interrupted. "And I'm glad." She and Meryl smiled at each other.
"So, how did Tongari get here?" Wolfwood asked.
"I found him in the middle of town," Millie answered.
"Hey, I'm not a needle noggin anymore," Vash mock frowned at Wolfwood.
"Sorry, habit. So how did you recognize him Millie?" Wolfwood looked down at her. "I mean, like he said, he gave up that ridiculous broom- headed look..."
"Hey!"
"And no red coat, either," Meryl added. "Does he still have the yellow sunglasses?"
"Nope. But, he was eating doughnuts," Millie grinned. "It was a dead giveaway."
"HEY!"
"Oh, c'mon Vash. She's right. You're a doughnut junkie!" Wolfwood teased. Meryl yawned suddenly, covering her mouth.
"You must be tired," Mrs. Thompson said kindly. "Millie take her up to your room, she can sleep on your trundle bed. There's one in your room too, Mr. Vash, if you don't mind sharing the room with Mr. Wolfwood."
"Not at all. I'm used to his snoring."
"Hey!"
Vash pulled out the trundle bed from under the four poster. It was already made up. "This family is prepared for everything," he muttered.
"After meeting Millie, can you doubt it?" Wolfwood replied. He leaned out the window and lit up a cigarette.
"Still haven't given that up?"
"No way. I needed one down there too. I was shaking- couldn't you tell? I half expected them to lynch me. Hell, if Meryl hadn't threatened to tie me up and drag me here I might have chickened out."
"That's Meryl." Vash grinned. "Why were you worried about Millie's family?" Vash sat down on the bed.
"Millie's the youngest- their baby. I hurt her. Isn't that reason enough?"
"It wasn't your fault, and you came back as soon as you could. They know that." Vash pulled off his boots and laid down. "They're happy that she's happy."
"She really is happy to see me, isn't she?" Wolfwood's voice reflected his amazement.
"She really is. You're lucky, Wolfwood- to have someone be that happy to see you." Vash's voice was faintly envious.
"Millie's a great girl. Very-" Wolfwood paused as he searched for the right word. "Open about her feelings. Not everyone is like that."
"Yeah, that's true." Vash raised an eyebrow. "What are you getting at, preacher man?" Wolfwood took a long drag on his cigarette and smiled faintly.
"Nothing. Nothing at all..." He looked back out the window. "Vash- where is Knives?"
"LR town." Vash's face grew faintly cold.
"What is he doing there? You didn't leave him there? He might..."
"He can't." Vash looked at Wolfwood. "He... you know that he and I are- something else?"
"That's obvious, but what?"
"Plants." Wolfwood blinked. It wasn't that surprising considering some of the things he had seen the twins do- but...
"You're a plant? But you aren't..."
"No. Knives and I never entered the spheres. We didn't need them." Vash closed his eyes. "Well, until a year ago. Knives wanted this planet to be an Eden. That's what the plants were for, after all."
'Do you think someday someone will eat me, Vash?' His brother's voice asked in his mind.
"So where is he Vash?"
"In a sphere. His energy is being harvested to rebuild LR. He won't ever leave." Vash was silent for a moment. "You didn't ask how he got there."
"You two had a big shootout and you used my cross gun to finally nail him." Wolfwood replied absently. He flicked his cigarette out the window and then looked at Vash. "What?"
"How did you know that?"
"I... I had a dream, a week or so after they pulled me out... you were on the ground- Knives was going to shoot you with those angel arms.... Tell me it was a dream, Tongari."
"Did you call out to me to use the gun?"
"Yeah-"
"It saved me. Thanks." Vash looked over at him a grinned.
"But how?"
"It must've been God." Vash shrugged and Wolfwood laughed.
"Yeah. That sounds good..."
Meryl ran the brush through her hair. "Thanks for letting me come stay, Millie."
"It's no problem, Meryl. I'm glad to see you." Millie smiled warmly at her. "How are things at work?"
"Busy as usual. You aren't missing anything." Meryl smiled back. "It's good to see you so happy."
"It's like a dream come true. I still can't really believe he's here."
"He's here. Trust me." Meryl laughed. "There's no way I could've ridden that motorcycle by myself after all." Millie gave her a quick hug.
"Thank you for bringing him."
"He brought himself. I just pointed the way."
"Vash went back to the town to look for us, Meryl." Millie said suddenly. "He was just late. He went to Mr. Wolfwood's orphanage, and he had to take care of Mr. Knives. But he did come back."
"Did he?" Meryl looked at Millie, violet eyes suddenly shadowed.
"Uh huh, really Meryl, he did. He didn't forget us."
"I know Vash wouldn't forget us, Millie. I just thought..." Her voice trailed off. "It's late, we'd better get some sleep," she spoke cheerfully. "You'll want to take Mr. Wolfwood around tomorrow, won't you?"
Meryl woke up early. She got up and dressed and out of the room without waking Millie. Downstairs no one was stirring yet. Meryl went to sit on the back porch. Vash was there ahead of her.
"Oh, sorry. I didn't think anyone was up yet." Meryl said softly.
"They aren't. They're all late sleepers, like Millie." Vash smiled at her. "Come join me if you like."
"I'm not disturbing you?"
"Not at all," Vash shook his head. Meryl sat down next to him on the stairs.
"It's nice to see you," Meryl looked down at her hands as she spoke.
"It's nice to see you too. I missed you." Vash replied easily. "I'm sorry I didn't get back right away..."
"Millie told me- about the orphanage. But Vash- what about your brother?" Vash told her what he'd told Wolfwood the night before.
"So, he's taken care of." Meryl was quiet for a few minutes, staring thoughtfully out at the road. Then she looked at Vash, who smiled cheerfully for her.
"But what about you? I'm kind of surprised you didn't go back to that little girl- Lila? and her grandmother." She smiled at his astonishment. "Wolfwood told me after the sand steamer incident."
"Ah. Well, I thought about it- I wanted to. But I kept thinking about..." he paused for a moment, "Brad."
"Brad? The man from the floating city?"
"Yeah. He said that I- I live outside of time. I'm always the same. The curse of being... what I am. Lila would grow up, her grandmother would grow older and I would stay the same. Always."
"So what? If they cared about you why would that matter? You can't tell me that you only care about young people..." Vash looked at her, blue eyes meeting violet.
"It's not that. I would love them no matter what, no matter how old they got. That would never matter to me," he spoke intently, his gaze never leaving hers. "But could they always love me? Wouldn't they resent that I never changed? And then, when they died- might they feel that they should have spent their life with someone who could truly share it with them rather than someone who stood on the outside?" He saw understanding dawn in her eyes.
"You don't know they'd feel that way. Besides, maybe to them it would be worth it."
"Maybe. But I would feel like I was cheating them. Like I was taking something that didn't belong to me in the first place. They need to find someone who can truly share their life with them."
"I see," Meryl bent her head so he wouldn't see the tears springing into her eyes. Vash's voice was gentle, but his words still cut her deeply.
"I'm so sorry, Meryl. I would change if I could. But I can't be anything than what I am."
"I know that." Meryl stood up, her back to him. "I understand, but..." She bit back the next words. "Excuse me." She dashed around the corner of the house.
Vash put his head in his hands. It needed to be said, and he knew it would hurt him to say it, but... he wanted to chase after her- to hell with him being a plant. They could at least enjoy a little time together... But- could he do that to her? Make her resent her mortality, or his immortality? She might hate him for it and that was a terrible thought. He had thought better this little hurt now than a greater one later. But oh- it wasn't a little hurt... it was agony. The look on her face, her pain- it was like a slash across his heart.
He didn't love her. She had known it all along. He cared for her, but he cared for everyone. He had been so gentle with her over this, let her down easily so that she could think that it wasn't really that he didn't love her. Her memory reminded her of all the girls he had flirted with in the towns, Elizabeth, Marianne, Stephanie... He had never done that with her. She had been an annoyance. A thing to be avoided. Then, maybe, a friend. But love? No. Meryl swallowed her tears. She had learned to live without him before. She could do it again. Her heart hurt at the thought. God, she had finally managed it- sort of- and now he was back. How was she going to do this? Seeing him every day here, knowing he was going to vanish into the desert without her again. If only she could leave first... Maybe she could cut her vacation short... Wolfwood was here now, so Millie would be fine. Only a few days in his presence and then she could be off again. Meryl took a deep breath. 'Company face' she told herself. 'Smile over the pain.'
Meryl smiled and leaned against the gatepost. She should go in and give these two a moment alone, but her heart was too full of joy at the sight of them together. It had been such a long time since she had been this happy. Wolfwood leaned down to kiss Millie and Meryl turned to the side to give them some privacy. She unbuttoned her coat and pulled out her hair clip, shaking her hair down over her shoulders. That was better, she thought and stretched. Wolfwood had driven them here non-stop. She glanced over again at the pair and smiled.
"It's nice to see them reunited, isn't it?" A voice spoke in her ear.
"It's wonderful," she replied without thinking.
"He came to the insurance agency to find her?"
"Uh huh. This morning actually. Then he dragged me out here as fast as he could..." Wait, who was she talking to? The voice sounded familiar- Meryl turned her head and found herself looking at a very familiar, much- missed, outlaw. He took advantage of her surprise to give her a quick, hard hug as she stood there.
"Hey, small insurance girl, it's good to see you."
"VASH?!" Meryl's yelp was loud enough to pull Wolfwood and Millie apart.
"Vash?" Wolfwood looked over, surprise in his eyes. "You're still alive!"
"Isn't that my line?" Vash stepped out into the road and smiled at Wolfwood. "It's good to see you, Terrorist-Priest."
"You too, Tongari." Wolfwood grinned. "Together again. Well, what were the odds of this happening?"
"Astronomical," Vash turned slightly and grinned. "It looks like we're drawing an audience." Millie's family was leaning out of windows and the front door, looking towards the street.
"Ooops. I'd better take you two in to meet the family..."
Wolfwood was telling the story of his adventures to an appreciative audience. He sat in a chair by the fire, Millie at his feet, enrapturing her family with his charm. No, Meryl thought, it's his love for Millie that's winning them over. Wolfwood would often look down at Millie and the expression in his eyes... Meryl smiled. She was sitting on the hearth, next to Vash, several small children leaning on them as they shared popcorn and listened to Wolfwood.
"So then, there I am, in front of Bernadelli Insurance, wondering what I'm going to say to you," he glanced down at Millie. "After all, it's not everyday that someone comes back from the dead, right? So, I finally plucked up my courage and went in. The place is practically deserted - it's lunchtime and there's no sign of my insurance girl- but there's this one woman pounding furiously away on a keyboard in the corner. So I walk over and find myself face to face with Meryl."
"You didn't recognize her when you came in?" One of the children leaning on Meryl asked.
"Nope. She didn't have long hair like that when I knew her." Wolfwood smiled briefly at her. "Looks nice, by the way."
"Thanks, I think." Meryl made a face at him and the children giggled.
"What did she do when she saw you? Did she really hit you?" Vash asked.
"Well, first she looked like she was going to faint."
"Well, duh, I thought I was hallucinating!"
"So you hit him to make sure he was real?" Millie teased.
"To be fair, she hugged me before she slapped me." Wolfwood grinned at Millie. "She was happy I was alive, but mad that I took so long to get there."
"That's our girl." Vash winked at her.
"Oh shh." Meryl glared back. "I didn't know all this other stuff yet."
"Then what happened?" Mrs. Thompson asked. Wolfwood picked up the story again.
"Her boss told Meryl she really needed to leave for her vacation early as she was obviously stressed out..."
"He didn't say that!"
"It was implied. So then she dragged me off, bought me coffee and doughnuts, and made me tell her what had taken me so darn long to get there. Then she admitted that she was going to visit you the next day and said that she might consider taking me along if I could assure her of my good intentions. After determining my intentions were in fact, good and honorable, she insisted that we leave right away on my motorcycle and not wait for the bus at all."
"I insisted?... oh never mind." Meryl smiled and shrugged. "Whatever, preacher man. I know the truth."
"What is the truth?" Millie asked impishly.
"I'll admit to the coffee and doughnuts. I'll even admit to... what did he call it? Determining if his intentions were honorable? I thought I was threatening him, but that sounds better." Meryl smiled at Millie and then raised her eyebrow at Wolfwood. "But who was it that wanted to leave on that beat up old bike instead of waiting for the nice safe bus? Who didn't even want to wait for me to pack my suitcase? Who complained that it took me 20 minutes to get all my things together? Who drove us straight here without stopping and yet complained that his bike was not getting us here fast enough?"
"I give! I give!" Wolfwood held up his hands. "You win. But did you have to diss my bike?"
"Hey, at least it got you here," Vash pointed out to Meryl. "The last time I accepted a ride from Wolfwood, his bike broke down in the middle of the desert."
"I remember," Meryl smiled at him. "I kept thinking about it the whole time we were on the way here. What if the bike broke down? What if we crashed? What if Mr. Wolfwood had a nervous breakdown?"
"Hey!I...!"
"But you made it here just fine," Millie interrupted. "And I'm glad." She and Meryl smiled at each other.
"So, how did Tongari get here?" Wolfwood asked.
"I found him in the middle of town," Millie answered.
"Hey, I'm not a needle noggin anymore," Vash mock frowned at Wolfwood.
"Sorry, habit. So how did you recognize him Millie?" Wolfwood looked down at her. "I mean, like he said, he gave up that ridiculous broom- headed look..."
"Hey!"
"And no red coat, either," Meryl added. "Does he still have the yellow sunglasses?"
"Nope. But, he was eating doughnuts," Millie grinned. "It was a dead giveaway."
"HEY!"
"Oh, c'mon Vash. She's right. You're a doughnut junkie!" Wolfwood teased. Meryl yawned suddenly, covering her mouth.
"You must be tired," Mrs. Thompson said kindly. "Millie take her up to your room, she can sleep on your trundle bed. There's one in your room too, Mr. Vash, if you don't mind sharing the room with Mr. Wolfwood."
"Not at all. I'm used to his snoring."
"Hey!"
Vash pulled out the trundle bed from under the four poster. It was already made up. "This family is prepared for everything," he muttered.
"After meeting Millie, can you doubt it?" Wolfwood replied. He leaned out the window and lit up a cigarette.
"Still haven't given that up?"
"No way. I needed one down there too. I was shaking- couldn't you tell? I half expected them to lynch me. Hell, if Meryl hadn't threatened to tie me up and drag me here I might have chickened out."
"That's Meryl." Vash grinned. "Why were you worried about Millie's family?" Vash sat down on the bed.
"Millie's the youngest- their baby. I hurt her. Isn't that reason enough?"
"It wasn't your fault, and you came back as soon as you could. They know that." Vash pulled off his boots and laid down. "They're happy that she's happy."
"She really is happy to see me, isn't she?" Wolfwood's voice reflected his amazement.
"She really is. You're lucky, Wolfwood- to have someone be that happy to see you." Vash's voice was faintly envious.
"Millie's a great girl. Very-" Wolfwood paused as he searched for the right word. "Open about her feelings. Not everyone is like that."
"Yeah, that's true." Vash raised an eyebrow. "What are you getting at, preacher man?" Wolfwood took a long drag on his cigarette and smiled faintly.
"Nothing. Nothing at all..." He looked back out the window. "Vash- where is Knives?"
"LR town." Vash's face grew faintly cold.
"What is he doing there? You didn't leave him there? He might..."
"He can't." Vash looked at Wolfwood. "He... you know that he and I are- something else?"
"That's obvious, but what?"
"Plants." Wolfwood blinked. It wasn't that surprising considering some of the things he had seen the twins do- but...
"You're a plant? But you aren't..."
"No. Knives and I never entered the spheres. We didn't need them." Vash closed his eyes. "Well, until a year ago. Knives wanted this planet to be an Eden. That's what the plants were for, after all."
'Do you think someday someone will eat me, Vash?' His brother's voice asked in his mind.
"So where is he Vash?"
"In a sphere. His energy is being harvested to rebuild LR. He won't ever leave." Vash was silent for a moment. "You didn't ask how he got there."
"You two had a big shootout and you used my cross gun to finally nail him." Wolfwood replied absently. He flicked his cigarette out the window and then looked at Vash. "What?"
"How did you know that?"
"I... I had a dream, a week or so after they pulled me out... you were on the ground- Knives was going to shoot you with those angel arms.... Tell me it was a dream, Tongari."
"Did you call out to me to use the gun?"
"Yeah-"
"It saved me. Thanks." Vash looked over at him a grinned.
"But how?"
"It must've been God." Vash shrugged and Wolfwood laughed.
"Yeah. That sounds good..."
Meryl ran the brush through her hair. "Thanks for letting me come stay, Millie."
"It's no problem, Meryl. I'm glad to see you." Millie smiled warmly at her. "How are things at work?"
"Busy as usual. You aren't missing anything." Meryl smiled back. "It's good to see you so happy."
"It's like a dream come true. I still can't really believe he's here."
"He's here. Trust me." Meryl laughed. "There's no way I could've ridden that motorcycle by myself after all." Millie gave her a quick hug.
"Thank you for bringing him."
"He brought himself. I just pointed the way."
"Vash went back to the town to look for us, Meryl." Millie said suddenly. "He was just late. He went to Mr. Wolfwood's orphanage, and he had to take care of Mr. Knives. But he did come back."
"Did he?" Meryl looked at Millie, violet eyes suddenly shadowed.
"Uh huh, really Meryl, he did. He didn't forget us."
"I know Vash wouldn't forget us, Millie. I just thought..." Her voice trailed off. "It's late, we'd better get some sleep," she spoke cheerfully. "You'll want to take Mr. Wolfwood around tomorrow, won't you?"
Meryl woke up early. She got up and dressed and out of the room without waking Millie. Downstairs no one was stirring yet. Meryl went to sit on the back porch. Vash was there ahead of her.
"Oh, sorry. I didn't think anyone was up yet." Meryl said softly.
"They aren't. They're all late sleepers, like Millie." Vash smiled at her. "Come join me if you like."
"I'm not disturbing you?"
"Not at all," Vash shook his head. Meryl sat down next to him on the stairs.
"It's nice to see you," Meryl looked down at her hands as she spoke.
"It's nice to see you too. I missed you." Vash replied easily. "I'm sorry I didn't get back right away..."
"Millie told me- about the orphanage. But Vash- what about your brother?" Vash told her what he'd told Wolfwood the night before.
"So, he's taken care of." Meryl was quiet for a few minutes, staring thoughtfully out at the road. Then she looked at Vash, who smiled cheerfully for her.
"But what about you? I'm kind of surprised you didn't go back to that little girl- Lila? and her grandmother." She smiled at his astonishment. "Wolfwood told me after the sand steamer incident."
"Ah. Well, I thought about it- I wanted to. But I kept thinking about..." he paused for a moment, "Brad."
"Brad? The man from the floating city?"
"Yeah. He said that I- I live outside of time. I'm always the same. The curse of being... what I am. Lila would grow up, her grandmother would grow older and I would stay the same. Always."
"So what? If they cared about you why would that matter? You can't tell me that you only care about young people..." Vash looked at her, blue eyes meeting violet.
"It's not that. I would love them no matter what, no matter how old they got. That would never matter to me," he spoke intently, his gaze never leaving hers. "But could they always love me? Wouldn't they resent that I never changed? And then, when they died- might they feel that they should have spent their life with someone who could truly share it with them rather than someone who stood on the outside?" He saw understanding dawn in her eyes.
"You don't know they'd feel that way. Besides, maybe to them it would be worth it."
"Maybe. But I would feel like I was cheating them. Like I was taking something that didn't belong to me in the first place. They need to find someone who can truly share their life with them."
"I see," Meryl bent her head so he wouldn't see the tears springing into her eyes. Vash's voice was gentle, but his words still cut her deeply.
"I'm so sorry, Meryl. I would change if I could. But I can't be anything than what I am."
"I know that." Meryl stood up, her back to him. "I understand, but..." She bit back the next words. "Excuse me." She dashed around the corner of the house.
Vash put his head in his hands. It needed to be said, and he knew it would hurt him to say it, but... he wanted to chase after her- to hell with him being a plant. They could at least enjoy a little time together... But- could he do that to her? Make her resent her mortality, or his immortality? She might hate him for it and that was a terrible thought. He had thought better this little hurt now than a greater one later. But oh- it wasn't a little hurt... it was agony. The look on her face, her pain- it was like a slash across his heart.
He didn't love her. She had known it all along. He cared for her, but he cared for everyone. He had been so gentle with her over this, let her down easily so that she could think that it wasn't really that he didn't love her. Her memory reminded her of all the girls he had flirted with in the towns, Elizabeth, Marianne, Stephanie... He had never done that with her. She had been an annoyance. A thing to be avoided. Then, maybe, a friend. But love? No. Meryl swallowed her tears. She had learned to live without him before. She could do it again. Her heart hurt at the thought. God, she had finally managed it- sort of- and now he was back. How was she going to do this? Seeing him every day here, knowing he was going to vanish into the desert without her again. If only she could leave first... Maybe she could cut her vacation short... Wolfwood was here now, so Millie would be fine. Only a few days in his presence and then she could be off again. Meryl took a deep breath. 'Company face' she told herself. 'Smile over the pain.'