A/N: No, pay no attention to the man behind the curtain! Pay attention to me! Pay attention to ME!! Well, unless you're a lawyer, then look for the bald guy over there.
6, July 1995
Dear Diary,
I am the absolute worst super villain ever to walk the planet. I am horrid. I am inept. I don't even want to go down to the club anymore. The last time I was in there, Cobra Commander and Venom compared me at length to Gargamel, much to the delight of the others in the sauna. When they find out about this, I'll be a laughingstock.
It was a wonderful plan, and it should have worked perfectly. Should have being the operative words.
I sent Wormtail ahead and find an inconspicuous place for me to work from, and he came back with a fabulous spot almost directly across from Potter's house. There was even a rather large dustbin behind it. It was perfect.
I waited until nightfall, then Apparated into the alley to await the dawn in all my delicious evilness. It took all the will power I had not to giggle with glee every time I thought about what the morning would bring. Luckily, Narcissa had made me a care package of butterbeer and her amazing cinnamon biscuits, so I didn't even have to skip a meal.
She's so thoughtful. I must keep that in mind the next time I have an opening in the ranks. She would make a wonderful addition to the inner circle. Well, there are a few openings since some were too cowardly to come forward at the cemetery. Ooooh, I should squish their heads!
No, even that couldn't lift my spirits. I might as well give up my dreams of world domination. I can't even defeat a few cats!
Yes, that's right. Lord Voldemort, Evil Super Villain, was defeated by a bunch of pussy cats.
It was all going quite according to my hideously diabolical plans until the kitties showed up. There were only 4 in all, but with my allergies, they were more than enough.
Within minutes of them showing up and rubbing against my ankles, I was an absolute mess. I thought the whole "absence of a proper nose" thing was supposed to help alleviate any allergy symptoms, but apparently not. It's actually worse. Have you ever had a runny nose without a nose? Quite disgusting, let me tell you.
I managed to shoo three of them away, but a fourth was obviously not an alleycat (he even had a tag saying "Hello, My Name Is Mr. Tibbles" on a heart. Rather adorable, really.) and wouldn't be dissuaded from my side. Even when I thought he had finally gone, I felt something playing with the tip of my hat, and sure enough, there he was, batting it around like some toy.
Thank Merlin Harry Potter didn't show up then. How could I have terrorized him if he had seen me like that? A snotty nosed villain crouched behind a dustbin and covered in cat hair? What in hell was I thinking?! Disgusting. I am appalled at myself.
No, I don't deserve to be a super villain any more. All I want to do is wallow in self pity and have Harry Potter's head served to me on a platter. Is that too much to ask? Is it?
Ugh. Must go for now. I have to explain to the others why I have failed. Again. Maybe Emperor Palpatine will have a few ideas about the eradication of an enemy. If not, Joker's always good for a laugh.
Ta for now.
Love,
Voldie
6, July 1995
Dear Diary,
I am the absolute worst super villain ever to walk the planet. I am horrid. I am inept. I don't even want to go down to the club anymore. The last time I was in there, Cobra Commander and Venom compared me at length to Gargamel, much to the delight of the others in the sauna. When they find out about this, I'll be a laughingstock.
It was a wonderful plan, and it should have worked perfectly. Should have being the operative words.
I sent Wormtail ahead and find an inconspicuous place for me to work from, and he came back with a fabulous spot almost directly across from Potter's house. There was even a rather large dustbin behind it. It was perfect.
I waited until nightfall, then Apparated into the alley to await the dawn in all my delicious evilness. It took all the will power I had not to giggle with glee every time I thought about what the morning would bring. Luckily, Narcissa had made me a care package of butterbeer and her amazing cinnamon biscuits, so I didn't even have to skip a meal.
She's so thoughtful. I must keep that in mind the next time I have an opening in the ranks. She would make a wonderful addition to the inner circle. Well, there are a few openings since some were too cowardly to come forward at the cemetery. Ooooh, I should squish their heads!
No, even that couldn't lift my spirits. I might as well give up my dreams of world domination. I can't even defeat a few cats!
Yes, that's right. Lord Voldemort, Evil Super Villain, was defeated by a bunch of pussy cats.
It was all going quite according to my hideously diabolical plans until the kitties showed up. There were only 4 in all, but with my allergies, they were more than enough.
Within minutes of them showing up and rubbing against my ankles, I was an absolute mess. I thought the whole "absence of a proper nose" thing was supposed to help alleviate any allergy symptoms, but apparently not. It's actually worse. Have you ever had a runny nose without a nose? Quite disgusting, let me tell you.
I managed to shoo three of them away, but a fourth was obviously not an alleycat (he even had a tag saying "Hello, My Name Is Mr. Tibbles" on a heart. Rather adorable, really.) and wouldn't be dissuaded from my side. Even when I thought he had finally gone, I felt something playing with the tip of my hat, and sure enough, there he was, batting it around like some toy.
Thank Merlin Harry Potter didn't show up then. How could I have terrorized him if he had seen me like that? A snotty nosed villain crouched behind a dustbin and covered in cat hair? What in hell was I thinking?! Disgusting. I am appalled at myself.
No, I don't deserve to be a super villain any more. All I want to do is wallow in self pity and have Harry Potter's head served to me on a platter. Is that too much to ask? Is it?
Ugh. Must go for now. I have to explain to the others why I have failed. Again. Maybe Emperor Palpatine will have a few ideas about the eradication of an enemy. If not, Joker's always good for a laugh.
Ta for now.
Love,
Voldie