Title: Where Could We Be?
By: Amanda
Feedback: sweety167yahoo.ca
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I do not own anything QAF related.
Spoilers: Ties into the Fourth Season
Summary: Why exactly did Michael going boyfriend hunting? Michael's P.O.V. Companion to Where Would We Be?
Completed: July 7, 2004
On the walk over I can't help but think about what brought me here, at this point in my life. Where could we be if one thing was different? If Brian hadn't kept Justin around?
Crosswalk. Sure I got involved with David pretty heavy, but it was after the "one time" rule got extended, leaving Justin around all the time. If a boy was ready to settle down into relationship-dom and a thirty year-old hadn't, what did that say about me? Of course I looked pathetic to Brian, our friendship was the only type of relationship I had ever had.
Look both ways. So the best way to prove that I was capable was to do it. But I failed. I was too me, too pathetic little Mikey to be the doctor's wife – no matter how hard he worked on changing me.
Even after the mistake of leaving the Pitts, Brian was the one who reminded me where I belong, with who I belong, with one of his welcomed kisses. But Justin was still there, so I still hadn't proved I could do it…still not good enough for Brian. And now I'm confused and lost…
Cross the street. So then I met Ben. And Ben's been wonderful. He knows I love Brian and think he also knows why we first came together; Brian and Justin.
But then I was left with a dilemma, more than any superhero has to face – his brave partner or his lover? Justin ran away with Ethan and I was with Brian…and Ben. Do I runaway with my heart, or continue to prove my point, that I can do this. That I can be in a relationship and make it work. Man, sometimes I think Zephyr has it easy!
The one minuet we're fighting over not being the same, about how 'stupid' Mikey can be and the next Brian swoops in to try and rescue me. Does he not know who I need to be rescued from is him? It's so Mary-Jane and Peter, she knows he's bad for her but still can't stay away. But how do you stay away from what you're ment to be with? Are we still always have, always will?
Enter the building. I've gotten so caught up in trying to prove I can do the relationship that I've fallen into a family, I've gotten in over my head. I've become confused over where home is. So, like the little kid I'll always be, I ran away. Risking it all was right. I took Hunter to escape. Not just for the boy or for Ben and I to avoid the police, but to escape all this. I expected a change when I came back. Some sort of cosmic shift with Brian, but instead there's just more space, a deeper chasm between us. We don't touch anymore, we never kiss. I miss him so much and he's only as far away as a walk.
Now I just need to know. I need to know where could we be? Could we still be dancing, just the two of us again, ever again?
Walking out of the elevator. He's kicked me out of his life. The last time I was here, with him, he told me to get the fuck out – and I haven't been back since. He threw me out, completely out of his life, but brought Justin back…Keeps letting him back…
Now I have to know. I need an answer about where we fit, if we fit. Especially now, with everything changing so fast and so much, I need to know.
Taking a deep breath Michael raised his hand and knocked on the large door to the loft apartment.
His breath caught in his chest, tightening as he heard the muffled voice behind the door mumble, "Coming" and listened to Brian stride toward his knocking request for a reply. But could he give Michael the answer he really wanted?
END