(The curtains raise on the stage for us to see Kennyon sitting in a large cushy chair and Spaz and Pyro sitting in chairs in a moon shape around a small table. The applause sign flips on and the audience follows directions with exuberant applause.)
Kennyon: Welcome to today's episode of Kennyon's Comedy Hour. (Flips through a set of cue cards) Today I thought that we could interview our newsies. You know get in depth into their minds.
Spaz: To delve into their psyche. To explore the caverns of their brain. To completely uncover all there is to in their conscious. To discover the truth of their...
Kennyon: Spaz, I think they get it.
Spaz: Are you sure?
Kennyon: As sure as Pyro was that time she made her own fireworks.
Pyro: That was the best Independence Day ever!
Spaz: Well then, let's bring out our first guest to psychologically evaluate.
Kennyon: Please welcome, (looks at flash card) Mush.
(Pyro, Spaz, and Kennyon all stand and clap as a bewildered Mush is pushed onto the stage by an unknown set of arms. Mush walks foreword)
Mush: Umm....Hi girls.
Kennyon: And hello to you too Mushie!
Pyro: Please have a seat.
(Mush takes a seat in a gushy blue chair and folds his arms as he looks around the audience which seems to be primarily females. He waves bashfully and blushes.)
Spaz: So Mush we hear you're doing a new movie.
Mush: I am?
(Kennyon kicks Mush in the shin while still smiling. Mush raises an eyebrow at her.)
Mush: I don't think I'm....OWE!
(Kennyon kicks Mush again and he glares at her.)
Mush: Well I suppose I am doing a new movie....I think.
Pyro: What's it about Mush? Tell us about the character you play.
Mush: I'm not really sure what its....OWE KENNYON STOP KICKING ME!
Kennyon: I'm not kicking you Mush. Now please answer the question.
Mush: Well....umm....I play a space cop that's trying to stop the world from being invaded by um.....
(Mush stammers for a minute before he sees Skittery and Kid Blink walking backstage)
Mush: KID BLINK! SKITTERY!
Spaz: You try to stop the world from being invaded by Kid Blink and Skittery?
Mush: Huh....oh yes....they're in the movie too.
Kennyon: Oh well, then let's have them come out too. Ladies and gentleman....
Pyro: Kennyon don't you mean gentleMEN?
Kennyon: No, gentleman. There is only one guy here.
(Kennyon points into the audience where only one man is sitting in the very back)
Kennyon: See?
Pyro: OH! I see.
Kennyon: So Ladies and gentleman, please welcome Kid Blink and Skittery!
(Kennyon, Spaz and Pyro clap again as those mysterious pair of arms pushes Kid Blink and Skittery onto the stage. They walk confuzzled towards the set of chairs and take a seat next to Mush, who's chair has mysteriously become a couch.)
Kid Blink: Hello there ladies.
Skittery: And what do you need us for?
Kennyon: We were hoping that you could help Mush explain the new movie that he says you three are in together.
Spaz: Yes, so we can analyze your characters and engorge ourselves in your inner most thoughts. So we can dip our carrots into the ranch dressing that is your aura. So we can spelunk into your caves of theoretical ooze. So we can...
Kennyon: Spaz!
Spaz: Pokè your mon! (As in Pokémon)
Kennyon: SPAZ!
Spaz: So we can...
Kennyon: (Screams) SPAZ!
Spaz: Yes Kennyon?
Kennyon: We get it.
Spaz: Oh, ok.
Kennyon: Now Kid Blink. Tell us about your part in the movie. Mush tells us that he's a space cop trying to save the world from being invaded by you and Skittery.
Kid Blink: Why coitently. See I play the evil villain Bite Me man. Now I want to take over the world because when I was growing up someone stole my poor little dog. So I want to take revenge.
Pyro: And how do you play a part in all this Skittery?
Skittery: Well I'm Bite Me Man's loyal sidekick who in the end becomes good and ends up really saving the world from the double agent Mush.
Kennyon: Fascin...
Mush: Wait a minute! I never said I was a double agent! That's not how the movie works!
Pyro: What makes you say that Mush?
(Pyro, Spaz and Kennyon all stare at Mush as he folds his arms in anger.)
Mush: Well I'm the hero of the story!
Kid Blink: No you're the secret double agent that works for me!
Skittery: And I'm the hero that saves the day in the end for real!
Mush: But....gah....Pyro they stole my part!
Pyro: Kennyon they stole Mush's part!
Kennyon: Spaz they stole Mush's part!
Spaz: Mush they stole your part!
Skittery: You know I like to think of the fact that I'm the real hero counteracts the fact that growing up I was the middle child and had to be the hero for the older kids while still playing the bad guy for the reputation my older sibl....
Mush: I can't believe this! (Stands) I come out here and do a favor for you three and you let Skittery still my limelight!
Kid Blink: May I remind you that you made us come out here Mushie.
Spaz: Wow....breakthrough.
Kennyon: Ladies and gentlemen...
Pyro: Kennyon...don't you mean gentleMAN?
Kennyon: No. GentleMEN, another guy walked in. See....(Points to the second guy now in the audience) Gadzooks Pyro stay with the program here.
(Pyro sighs and stares at the small fight that's starting)
Kennyon: Ladies and gentlemen, I believe that we are finally making a breakthrough in the pent up feelings Mush has had concerning his acting ability. Obviously he's not confident enough in himself to keep a part.
Skittery: ...lings gave me. Not to mention the fact that my parents were always to pay attention to me. What with my mom and her job and my father....(sniffles)....almost always aw....
Mush: Listen Blink, I don't even know if this movie is real but you are no super villain.
Blink: How do you know! Mwah ha ha ha....Maybe I rob banks and torture small kittens on the side.
Pyro: And Kid Blink certainly is showing his less than angelic side.
Spaz: I'm getting hungry.
Skittery: ay on business trips. (starts crying) I tried to build a small relationship with my parents but they just wouldn't lis...
Kennyon: Poor Mush, maybe he needs some compliments to boost his self esteem. Mush you look good in mauve!
Blink: (giggles) Mauve is just like pink Mushina.
Mush: Mushina? What kind of name is that? Besides you sleep with a Dumbo! (Dumbo belongs to Disney. Disney is a registered trademark of Walt Disney incorporated. The author in no way is claiming that just because Kid Blink sleeps with a Dumbo, that he owns it. Thank you.)
Pyro: And Kid Blink can be obviously a little harsh.
Spaz: Maybe I'll see what's in the fridge. (Stands and walks towards the fridge pulling out a brown bag) Ooooo unexplained goo....mmmmm....
Skittery: ...ten to me. (Begins sobbing uncontrollably) Why Daddy why? Why did you take my set of Barbie dolls?
Kid Blink: I told you that in private Mush! (Takes his shoe off and throws it at Mush)
Mush: (Dodges the shoe) What kind of moron throws a shoe? (spits on Kid Blink)
Kennyon: I take this unexplained fighting as a result of Mush's insecure level of insecurity. Maybe another compliment would help. Mush you're my favorite spelunking partner!
Pyro: Spelunking, that's a funny word.
Spaz: (Walks back over with the goo) Skittery you should get in there and stop them.
Skittery: Yes I should. After all....(Wipes the tears from his eyes and blows his nose on his shirt sleeve.)...I am the hero!
(Kennyon and Pyro analyze the fight as Kid Blink jumps on Mush's back and pulls his hair as Mush screams while running around in a circle. Spaz eats the unexplained goo while watching the whole scene. Skittery puffs up his chest like a gorilla and heads for the fight)
Skittery: In the name of delicious twinkies I order you to stop fighting!
Kid Blink: What?
Mush: Twinkies?
Kennyon: Hey Pyro you know what I hear?
Pyro: What do you hear Kennyon?
Kennyon: I hear that twinkies last a billion years!
Spaz: Yup no expiration date!
Kennyon: They found twinkies six miles underground.
Spaz: They had to carbon date!
Pyro: Nu uh!
Kennyon and Spaz: YAH HUH!
Pyro: Cosmic...
(Mush and Kid Blink stare at the three girls for a second before shaking out of it and looking at Skittery again. They shake their heads and push Skittery down who bumps into Spaz who drops the brown bag. Skittery falls and as if in slow motion falls onto the brown bag)
Spaz: Ooops.
Kennyon: Oh dear.
Pyro: I'm not cleaning that up.
(Skittery stands up and pulls the brown bag off the back of his trousers before looking at it and sobbing again)
Skittery: I just sat on my lunch!
Mush: I didn't do it!
Kid Blink: Yes you did!
Mush: Did not!
Kid Blink: Did too!
Mush: Why I oughta....
(Mush chases Kid Blink backstage as Kid Blink screams. Meanwhile Skittery stands in spot crying and Pyro looks at Kennyon)
Pyro: What do we do now?
Kennyon: Um...I'm not sure...
(Kennyon and Pyro think as Dutchy wanders onto the stage.)
Dutchy: Kennyon I think I may be able to entertain while you fix the er...um...problem...with Skittery.
Skittery: WHY? OH WHY? WHY DO I HAVE TO LOSE MY LUNCH IN SUCH A BEWITCHING WAY?
Kennyon: (walking Skittery off stage) Alright, do what you have to do.
(Spaz, Pyro, and Kennyon lead Skittery off stage)
Dutchy: Alright boys! The stage is ours!
(Dutchy takes center stage and motions for Specs, Race, Spot, and Jack to come out with him. They stand in a horizontal line with their backs to the audience as the lights dim and a spotlight shines on Dutchy at the center of the group)
Dutchy: You are my twinkie
You sit on my pinkie
Believe when I say
I want you that way
Race: But you're not a twin pack
And I want more to snack
What can I say?
That I want it that way
ALL: Tell me why
Ain't nothin' but a snack cake
Tell me why
Only one is a mistake
Tell me why
Twin packs What can I say?
I want it that way
Spot: Am I your eater
Your one defeater
Yes I know it's too late
For you I have already ate
Jack: Now I can see that you've fallen apart
From the way that you used to be, yeah
No matter the sugar
I want you to know that
Deep down inside of me
Dutchy: You're still my twinkie
No less than kinky
You are, you are, you are, you are
ALL: Can't stand to hear them say...
Can't stand to hear them say
Ain't no more twinkies!
Man newsies are finkies!
(Can't stand to hear them say),
Race: Twin Packs What can I say?
I want it that way
Tell me why,
Specs: Ain't no more twinkies!
Tell me why,
Newsies they are stinkies!
Tell me why,
Spot: Twin packs what can I say?
(What can I say?),
I want it that way
Tell me why...
Dutchy: Ain't no more twinkies
Newsies I'm giving you the pinkie
Tell me why,
Specs don't you ever say
Specs: HEY!
Spot: (Never wanna hear you say it),
I ate all the twinkies
Dutchy: I ATE ALL THE TWINKIES!
(Spaz, Kennyon and Pyro come running out)
Pyro: Did you hear that girls?
Spaz: He ate all the twinkies!
Kennyon: GET HIM!
(Kennyon, Spaz and Pyro run after Dutchy as he screams while the other four members of the newsie boy band rock out)
Hey all it's me. Kennyon. Sorry for so long with the chapter. And I'm sorry if you don't like it. It was originally going to be two chapters that I had to smoosh together because they were both short. But Spaz gave me a great idea for the next chapter and I can't wait to write it, so. Yeah. Anyway. Well to my loyal readers, I have a question. The song parodies, Yay or Nay? I know this chapters wasn't quite as clever as the last one, but what can one do? So just let me know if I should continue or not. Thanks guys! And sorry about the twinkie referances. It was late, and I had this urge for hostess and creamy fillings.
Kennyon: Welcome to today's episode of Kennyon's Comedy Hour. (Flips through a set of cue cards) Today I thought that we could interview our newsies. You know get in depth into their minds.
Spaz: To delve into their psyche. To explore the caverns of their brain. To completely uncover all there is to in their conscious. To discover the truth of their...
Kennyon: Spaz, I think they get it.
Spaz: Are you sure?
Kennyon: As sure as Pyro was that time she made her own fireworks.
Pyro: That was the best Independence Day ever!
Spaz: Well then, let's bring out our first guest to psychologically evaluate.
Kennyon: Please welcome, (looks at flash card) Mush.
(Pyro, Spaz, and Kennyon all stand and clap as a bewildered Mush is pushed onto the stage by an unknown set of arms. Mush walks foreword)
Mush: Umm....Hi girls.
Kennyon: And hello to you too Mushie!
Pyro: Please have a seat.
(Mush takes a seat in a gushy blue chair and folds his arms as he looks around the audience which seems to be primarily females. He waves bashfully and blushes.)
Spaz: So Mush we hear you're doing a new movie.
Mush: I am?
(Kennyon kicks Mush in the shin while still smiling. Mush raises an eyebrow at her.)
Mush: I don't think I'm....OWE!
(Kennyon kicks Mush again and he glares at her.)
Mush: Well I suppose I am doing a new movie....I think.
Pyro: What's it about Mush? Tell us about the character you play.
Mush: I'm not really sure what its....OWE KENNYON STOP KICKING ME!
Kennyon: I'm not kicking you Mush. Now please answer the question.
Mush: Well....umm....I play a space cop that's trying to stop the world from being invaded by um.....
(Mush stammers for a minute before he sees Skittery and Kid Blink walking backstage)
Mush: KID BLINK! SKITTERY!
Spaz: You try to stop the world from being invaded by Kid Blink and Skittery?
Mush: Huh....oh yes....they're in the movie too.
Kennyon: Oh well, then let's have them come out too. Ladies and gentleman....
Pyro: Kennyon don't you mean gentleMEN?
Kennyon: No, gentleman. There is only one guy here.
(Kennyon points into the audience where only one man is sitting in the very back)
Kennyon: See?
Pyro: OH! I see.
Kennyon: So Ladies and gentleman, please welcome Kid Blink and Skittery!
(Kennyon, Spaz and Pyro clap again as those mysterious pair of arms pushes Kid Blink and Skittery onto the stage. They walk confuzzled towards the set of chairs and take a seat next to Mush, who's chair has mysteriously become a couch.)
Kid Blink: Hello there ladies.
Skittery: And what do you need us for?
Kennyon: We were hoping that you could help Mush explain the new movie that he says you three are in together.
Spaz: Yes, so we can analyze your characters and engorge ourselves in your inner most thoughts. So we can dip our carrots into the ranch dressing that is your aura. So we can spelunk into your caves of theoretical ooze. So we can...
Kennyon: Spaz!
Spaz: Pokè your mon! (As in Pokémon)
Kennyon: SPAZ!
Spaz: So we can...
Kennyon: (Screams) SPAZ!
Spaz: Yes Kennyon?
Kennyon: We get it.
Spaz: Oh, ok.
Kennyon: Now Kid Blink. Tell us about your part in the movie. Mush tells us that he's a space cop trying to save the world from being invaded by you and Skittery.
Kid Blink: Why coitently. See I play the evil villain Bite Me man. Now I want to take over the world because when I was growing up someone stole my poor little dog. So I want to take revenge.
Pyro: And how do you play a part in all this Skittery?
Skittery: Well I'm Bite Me Man's loyal sidekick who in the end becomes good and ends up really saving the world from the double agent Mush.
Kennyon: Fascin...
Mush: Wait a minute! I never said I was a double agent! That's not how the movie works!
Pyro: What makes you say that Mush?
(Pyro, Spaz and Kennyon all stare at Mush as he folds his arms in anger.)
Mush: Well I'm the hero of the story!
Kid Blink: No you're the secret double agent that works for me!
Skittery: And I'm the hero that saves the day in the end for real!
Mush: But....gah....Pyro they stole my part!
Pyro: Kennyon they stole Mush's part!
Kennyon: Spaz they stole Mush's part!
Spaz: Mush they stole your part!
Skittery: You know I like to think of the fact that I'm the real hero counteracts the fact that growing up I was the middle child and had to be the hero for the older kids while still playing the bad guy for the reputation my older sibl....
Mush: I can't believe this! (Stands) I come out here and do a favor for you three and you let Skittery still my limelight!
Kid Blink: May I remind you that you made us come out here Mushie.
Spaz: Wow....breakthrough.
Kennyon: Ladies and gentlemen...
Pyro: Kennyon...don't you mean gentleMAN?
Kennyon: No. GentleMEN, another guy walked in. See....(Points to the second guy now in the audience) Gadzooks Pyro stay with the program here.
(Pyro sighs and stares at the small fight that's starting)
Kennyon: Ladies and gentlemen, I believe that we are finally making a breakthrough in the pent up feelings Mush has had concerning his acting ability. Obviously he's not confident enough in himself to keep a part.
Skittery: ...lings gave me. Not to mention the fact that my parents were always to pay attention to me. What with my mom and her job and my father....(sniffles)....almost always aw....
Mush: Listen Blink, I don't even know if this movie is real but you are no super villain.
Blink: How do you know! Mwah ha ha ha....Maybe I rob banks and torture small kittens on the side.
Pyro: And Kid Blink certainly is showing his less than angelic side.
Spaz: I'm getting hungry.
Skittery: ay on business trips. (starts crying) I tried to build a small relationship with my parents but they just wouldn't lis...
Kennyon: Poor Mush, maybe he needs some compliments to boost his self esteem. Mush you look good in mauve!
Blink: (giggles) Mauve is just like pink Mushina.
Mush: Mushina? What kind of name is that? Besides you sleep with a Dumbo! (Dumbo belongs to Disney. Disney is a registered trademark of Walt Disney incorporated. The author in no way is claiming that just because Kid Blink sleeps with a Dumbo, that he owns it. Thank you.)
Pyro: And Kid Blink can be obviously a little harsh.
Spaz: Maybe I'll see what's in the fridge. (Stands and walks towards the fridge pulling out a brown bag) Ooooo unexplained goo....mmmmm....
Skittery: ...ten to me. (Begins sobbing uncontrollably) Why Daddy why? Why did you take my set of Barbie dolls?
Kid Blink: I told you that in private Mush! (Takes his shoe off and throws it at Mush)
Mush: (Dodges the shoe) What kind of moron throws a shoe? (spits on Kid Blink)
Kennyon: I take this unexplained fighting as a result of Mush's insecure level of insecurity. Maybe another compliment would help. Mush you're my favorite spelunking partner!
Pyro: Spelunking, that's a funny word.
Spaz: (Walks back over with the goo) Skittery you should get in there and stop them.
Skittery: Yes I should. After all....(Wipes the tears from his eyes and blows his nose on his shirt sleeve.)...I am the hero!
(Kennyon and Pyro analyze the fight as Kid Blink jumps on Mush's back and pulls his hair as Mush screams while running around in a circle. Spaz eats the unexplained goo while watching the whole scene. Skittery puffs up his chest like a gorilla and heads for the fight)
Skittery: In the name of delicious twinkies I order you to stop fighting!
Kid Blink: What?
Mush: Twinkies?
Kennyon: Hey Pyro you know what I hear?
Pyro: What do you hear Kennyon?
Kennyon: I hear that twinkies last a billion years!
Spaz: Yup no expiration date!
Kennyon: They found twinkies six miles underground.
Spaz: They had to carbon date!
Pyro: Nu uh!
Kennyon and Spaz: YAH HUH!
Pyro: Cosmic...
(Mush and Kid Blink stare at the three girls for a second before shaking out of it and looking at Skittery again. They shake their heads and push Skittery down who bumps into Spaz who drops the brown bag. Skittery falls and as if in slow motion falls onto the brown bag)
Spaz: Ooops.
Kennyon: Oh dear.
Pyro: I'm not cleaning that up.
(Skittery stands up and pulls the brown bag off the back of his trousers before looking at it and sobbing again)
Skittery: I just sat on my lunch!
Mush: I didn't do it!
Kid Blink: Yes you did!
Mush: Did not!
Kid Blink: Did too!
Mush: Why I oughta....
(Mush chases Kid Blink backstage as Kid Blink screams. Meanwhile Skittery stands in spot crying and Pyro looks at Kennyon)
Pyro: What do we do now?
Kennyon: Um...I'm not sure...
(Kennyon and Pyro think as Dutchy wanders onto the stage.)
Dutchy: Kennyon I think I may be able to entertain while you fix the er...um...problem...with Skittery.
Skittery: WHY? OH WHY? WHY DO I HAVE TO LOSE MY LUNCH IN SUCH A BEWITCHING WAY?
Kennyon: (walking Skittery off stage) Alright, do what you have to do.
(Spaz, Pyro, and Kennyon lead Skittery off stage)
Dutchy: Alright boys! The stage is ours!
(Dutchy takes center stage and motions for Specs, Race, Spot, and Jack to come out with him. They stand in a horizontal line with their backs to the audience as the lights dim and a spotlight shines on Dutchy at the center of the group)
Dutchy: You are my twinkie
You sit on my pinkie
Believe when I say
I want you that way
Race: But you're not a twin pack
And I want more to snack
What can I say?
That I want it that way
ALL: Tell me why
Ain't nothin' but a snack cake
Tell me why
Only one is a mistake
Tell me why
Twin packs What can I say?
I want it that way
Spot: Am I your eater
Your one defeater
Yes I know it's too late
For you I have already ate
Jack: Now I can see that you've fallen apart
From the way that you used to be, yeah
No matter the sugar
I want you to know that
Deep down inside of me
Dutchy: You're still my twinkie
No less than kinky
You are, you are, you are, you are
ALL: Can't stand to hear them say...
Can't stand to hear them say
Ain't no more twinkies!
Man newsies are finkies!
(Can't stand to hear them say),
Race: Twin Packs What can I say?
I want it that way
Tell me why,
Specs: Ain't no more twinkies!
Tell me why,
Newsies they are stinkies!
Tell me why,
Spot: Twin packs what can I say?
(What can I say?),
I want it that way
Tell me why...
Dutchy: Ain't no more twinkies
Newsies I'm giving you the pinkie
Tell me why,
Specs don't you ever say
Specs: HEY!
Spot: (Never wanna hear you say it),
I ate all the twinkies
Dutchy: I ATE ALL THE TWINKIES!
(Spaz, Kennyon and Pyro come running out)
Pyro: Did you hear that girls?
Spaz: He ate all the twinkies!
Kennyon: GET HIM!
(Kennyon, Spaz and Pyro run after Dutchy as he screams while the other four members of the newsie boy band rock out)
Hey all it's me. Kennyon. Sorry for so long with the chapter. And I'm sorry if you don't like it. It was originally going to be two chapters that I had to smoosh together because they were both short. But Spaz gave me a great idea for the next chapter and I can't wait to write it, so. Yeah. Anyway. Well to my loyal readers, I have a question. The song parodies, Yay or Nay? I know this chapters wasn't quite as clever as the last one, but what can one do? So just let me know if I should continue or not. Thanks guys! And sorry about the twinkie referances. It was late, and I had this urge for hostess and creamy fillings.