Chapter 3: Scattered Memories
Tapping a finger impatiently on the arm of his throne, Van listened to
his counsellors with his temper in check everytime a comment grated on
his nerves. He wasn't a man who would throw a tantrum without a strong
reason - especially when he was well aware that his advisors had the
best of intentions for his welfare, but his patience had stretched
beyond limit. "Gentlemen, what do you expect by bringing this 'Ispano'
princess into my household?" he started; his breathing was ragged with
suppressed anger.
"Your Majesty," Clearing his throat, Gardia - the eldest and the leader
of his advisory board - spoke up for his colleagues. Respect was
present in his wrinkled eyes, but people could also see determination
and stubbornness there. From all of his counsellors, Gardia was the
toughest one to convince of the action he necessarily took as a king.
Although the elder had respected the young monarch and vowed to devote
the remaining of his life to assist to bring Fanelia back to her former
glory, doubts still existed deep down. Brashness marked every decision
that the king made, thus worried Gardia that someday the recklessness
would bring the country down. Gardia decided that rein was what the
king needed most. Especially from his counsellors, who of course, knew
the best for him.
"We all believe you understand precisely our intention- it's always in
your best interest, Your Majesty. Since you seem to face difficulties
in finding your bride - your future queen, if I may stress here, we're
all determined to assist. And we all have agreed that the Crown
Princess Ardine of Ispano is the perfect candidate for the role."
"Ispano? Why Ispano?" gritting his teeth in anger, Van shot back, "We
do not have any obligation to suddenly start an affiliation with
Ispano. It was an inaccessible country with unacknowledged political
prowess. Even her people have remained isolated from the general Gaea
Society in the past hundreds of years!" He stopped for a second,
inhaling deeply as he calmed his beating heart.
Composure, Van, you're a king! He warned himself, refusing to fall into
the trap of his own rage. He would never solve this problem by yelling
at others. Slowly he closed his eyes, trying to imagine something
pleasant to soothe his anger. It was a trick that Gaudi had taught him
when he first assumed his right as the rightful heir of the throne.
His tensed shoulder relaxed as an image of Hitomi smiling with her
angelic smile appeared in his mind.
Eyeing the elders one by one thoughtfully, Van decided to assume a more
accessible countenance and started again, this time slowly, "I am
certain we are here perfectly aware of our agreement. Until my twenty-
fourth spring, you, gentlemen, have no right to meddle in this affair
of finding a queen."
Straightening his back, Gardia answered the young king coolly and
lowered his voice as he said his words carefully, "In that case, the
princess will be informed that her visit this time was the king's
invitation for a long holiday in Fanelia."
"No, you don't understand what I mean," Van waved his hand in
frustration. The crease on his forehead deepened as he struggled for
the best way to explain his self. Sighing in defeat, he finally told
the elderly man an alternative explanation. Those old bastards would
never understand his wish and disposition. "Ispano is an isolated
country. I fear we might create some misunderstanding with the little
knowledge we have about Ispano's culture. And I don't want to create
problems that could mean diplomatic disorder. I'd rather avoid showing
promises and making an alliance with Ispano"
"But Your majesty," Gardia calmly interjected, hiding his feelings
behind perfectly composed stony mask, "we've already decided..."
"Your decision, not mine." Van mumbled under his breath. The chair and
the room suddenly felt too narrow and uncomfortable for him all of
sudden. "I personally resent the very idea of inviting her here. I
don't want Fanelia to have something to do with Ispano. If someone is
going to form an alliance, let it be Dryden of Asturia."
"Ispano is a rich island, Your Majesty." Emphasising on the word rich,
Gardia resumed his persuasion. His eyes burned with fervour as he
spoke, "They have tons of supply of extraordinarily gems and delicately
hand made jewels, made in a relatively lower production cost. Those
gems are in high demands! Just imagine if the king of Ispano gave us
the right to manage the allocation of the gems to the other kingdoms."
"But is also a mystery, especially revolving around the Zaibachan
underground activity in its capitol." Van intervened, his countenance
calm as he eyed Gardia levelly. He respected the elder, but they have
always been on the crossroads.
"Which is only a insignificant rumour," replied Gardia stoically, which
was supported by the nods and murmurs from his colleagues.
Narrowing his ruby eyes, Van leant forward to emphasis his point as he
said, "It may be only a rumour, but the safety of Fanelia is more
important than this whole marriage matter."
"I have already dispatch some people to investigate..." Gardia hadn't
finished his explanation when Van suddenly rose from his chair and
banged his palms on the table in front of him, causing some of his
weak-hearted audience to leap off their chairs in alarm. "I think
that's enough. Thank you, Gardia." Calmly Van addressed his grand
councillor.
Standing up after the king, Gardia enquired, "What about the princess,
Your Majesty? We have just received a letter of acceptance of your
invitation.
Sinking his teeth into his lower lip, he pedalled his brain furiously
as he was searching for an appropriate decision. But he was not left
with much a choice in this matter. Like it or not, the princess would
come in several days from now. He really had to applaud Gaudi's cunning
scheme in bringing the girl into Fanelia.
The audience expected Van to say something harsh about the matter, but
he only adjusted his cape, straightened himself and proceeded to close
the assembly, "Gentlemen, the assembly is closed for today. What
happened has happened, so I will let you do what you like. Only this
time." Still, a satisfied smile reached his eyes as he declared what
had been whirling in his mind for the past few hours in triumph, "I
have already had the perfect candidate for my new queen."
With his cape rustling behind him, he left the conference chamber in
long confident strides as the advisory board were murmuring among
themselves about his sudden and unexpected announcement.
-----
"You certainly appear to be much better, Lady Hitomi." A court lady
nodded and curtsied in a flourish as Hitomi strolled past her. Hitomi
could only nod back and smile in discomfort at such fine manner, as she
had yet to accustom herself to the fashion in Van's court. Such
frivolous nature! Looks beautiful but practically unnecessary.
"Thank...you." She hesitated for a minute before she thanked the young
lady, "that's...very kind of you."
Curiosity shone bright in her face as she rose from her curtsy. Her
sparkling amber eyes told Hitomi that she wanted to ask about
something, but she didn't have the courage. Hitomi could see it from
the girl's kind expression that she didn't mean to intrude or to cause
her great discomfort. Smiling reassuringly, Hitomi leant forward and
urged the girl to speak out her curiosity, "Something amiss?"
"Well...'tis..." Looking around to make sure that nobody could hear them,
she motioned Hitomi to follow her to a relatively secure corner and
whispered into her ears, "I understand it's still a secret, but
congratulation,"
Frowning deeply, Hitomi asked the girl back in confusion, "I don't
understand. What secret?"
Looking surprised, the girl whispered back, "Why, Lady Hitomi, you're
going to be a queen, aren't you? At least that's the rumour going
around in the entire castle. We're all very excited about the prospect
of having you as our future queen! Couldn't you imagine how proud I
would if you chose me as one of your lady in waiting..."
"Please stop." Hitomi interjected, bewilderment loading her mind. Van?
Marrying her? She had never thought of the possibility before. She had
been happy when she could meet him again despite the odds of the
situation, but she had never entertained the possibility of becoming
Van's queen in her mind. "I've never heard such things."
"Lady Hitomi?" the girl looked back at her with confusion in her eyes,
afraid she might have insulted her idol.
"Hitomi, please." She supplied patiently, smiling in encouragement as
she saw apprehension in the other's eyes, "I am no lady. Back in my
world, I am just plain Hitomi. So am I now. And the idea of me becoming
a queen is quite absurd. His Majesty certainly wouldn't wish to marry a
woman from another world."
"But..."
"There is no way I could be queen. I..." Hitomi hadn't finished her words
when she caught Merle's presence from the corners of her eyes.
"Merle!" the girl snorted in disgust at the cat-woman's appearance,
lifting her chin up haughtily as she folded her arms in front of her
chest, "How dare you to eavesdrop our conversation! You should know
your own position! If it is not for His Majesty, you wouldn't be what
you are now."
She nodded politely despite the treatment she received from the noble
girl, curtsying a little before she made her way toward Hitomi. "I
apologise for interrupting you my lady, but I'd like to have a word
with my friend." Emphasising the word friend, she approached Hitomi
silently and led her gently to the other side of the corridor.
"Despicable cat!" the girl hissed, glaring at Merle before she finally
harrumphed and hastened to another direction, leaving the two women to
their privacy. The noble girl evidently saw Merle as a lowly creature
that didn't deserve some respect.
Sighing softly to herself, Merle tugged on the sleeve of Hitomi's shirt
and guided her through the corridor without a sound. Concern filled
Hitomi's jade orbs as she opened her mouth to question Merle about her
apparent sadness, but the determination in the other's eyes made her
decide to save the questions for later. She continued her aloof
demeanour until they finally reached a room - a suite with a four-post
bed and a beautifully decorated fireplace. It was Merle's bedchamber.
Looking at her surrounding, Hitomi hopped onto the soft and fluffy
mattress, her voice declared genuine admiration, "It is a very
wonderful place you have here, Merle."
Merle only smiled slightly. Walking to the table near the decorated
fireplace, she poured two goblets of Fanelian wine and murmured as she
bore her ocean blue orbs into Hitomi's bluish green ones, "I never ask
him all of this finery. His attention toward me sometimes may well be
exasperating. He was doing it because I've always been a little sister
for him. I appreciate his attention, but people look at me as an
aggravating leech." Merle's expression was softened considerably as she
shoved one of the goblets into Hitomi's waiting hands, "Now here, drink
this. I made this from a very special recipe of wine I make myself. The
sweet taste lasts long in the mouth."
Nodding gratefully, Hitomi accepted the goblet of wine and gulped down
the entire content without pausing. A faint flush marred her face
slightly when she set the goblet aside on the bedside table. "Thank
You," she said, her smile broadening into a friendly grin.
Returning her friend's smile, Merle replied, "You're very welcome." She
then disappeared into what seemed to be a closet. The rustles of
clothing that she made as she rummaged something out of the corner
confirmed Hitomi's presumption.
Sighing in content, Hitomi lay down on the mattress and told Merle, "I
couldn't almost believe my eyes. You've become very beautiful, Merle.
And your pixie cut really suits you well."
"Pixie cut?" Merle reemerged with a silk blue gown clutched to her
chest, and grinned as she wiggled the silk to Hitomi's amused
curiosity.
"I mean...very short haircut." Hitomi continued casually, her turquoise
green orbs busy observing the gown in Merle's hands. The gown was
beautiful. She wondered if Merle was going to make her wear it.
Merle's sudden bitter laughter rang in her ears, causing Hitomi to bolt
up immediately with worry. She had never heard Merle laugh in that
manner before. Merle had always been all sweetness and nothing else,
even though her closeness to Van that sometimes made her envy the cat
woman. Merle was never bitter. She had always been charming and
protective and optimistic, even when Hitomi felt the cat-woman to be
annoying at times.
"Did I say something wrong?" Hitomi asked her anxiously.
Settling herself down beside Hitomi, Merle set the gown aside and
stopped laughing as she looked at the other woman, the misery etched in
her expression. A long pause ensued before the real conversation began.
"I need you to do me a favour."
Eyes grew slightly bigger, Hitomi asked her, "What favour?"
Merle's curling eyelashes brushed against her cheeks as she lowered her
gaze at her lap, "I want you to take good care of Lord Van. He
sometimes over exerted himself. He would reached his limit sooner than
I expected if he didn't stop his current life style."
"Merle, why me? I'm sure it has something to do with the rumour."
Merle shook her head, causing the curls to fall gracefully over her
forehead, "That's not a rumour, Hitomi. Van announced the fact to his
advisory board in this morning's assembly."
"Merle, it's only a rumour. I'm sure..." Hitomi fidgeted uneasily, words
suddenly very difficult to come out. "You don't have to believe it.
Besides, Van himself hasn't said a thing about the matter to me. And as
the closest person to him, you can always take care of..."
"Quit your sympathy, Hitomi." Merle told Hitomi harshly, unable to see
her friend in the eye, "He would ask you sooner or later. You know
this, yet you still try to hide the truth from yourself. That's worse
than lying!" A glimmering tear started down her cheek as she braved
herself to challenge Hitomi's eyes and whispered the embarrassing truth
into her friend's ear, "Even when I tried my damnest to be you, he
didn't care. He never sees me."
"I'm...sorry," she breathed the word sincerely, realising part of what
Merle had told her was true. Part of her wished Van would ask her hand
in marriage, but the other part of her still refused to acknowledge her
feelings. Part of her wanted to argue Merle and tell the cat-woman that
all the rumour was nonsense, but the other part of her didn't have the
will to raise her voice against Merle's statement.
There was an uncomfortable long silence before Merle's broken voice
flowed softly, "My hair reached my back just a few months ago. But I
cut it one day and made a vow to enter a nunnery should Van find
someone he really loved. When he married the lucky woman...that would be
my cue to disappear from his life forever." Locking her gaze intensely
with Hitomi's, she knelt down and told her resolutely, "There is
someone - a very special girl in his past whom he could never forget
his whole life." She swallowed hard and blinked as tears threatened to
fall down once again, "I'm sure you'll be happy with him, Hitomi."
"Merle..."
"I shall never go back to this castle again..." taking the empty goblets
away, Merle whispered softly to herself, "For I'll stay his best friend
forever...and never wish to be an obstacle in his life." Pausing in her
steps, she turned around to face Hitomi, "I hope you take good care of
him."
Hitomi understood. It took more than a mere courage for Merle to say
those words. Her great love for Van made her sacrifice her own feelings
and give up Van for the sake of his happiness. Hitomi had never thought
of the possibility of marrying Van, but she couldn't just ignore the
sacrifice and tears that Merle had shed for their happiness. It was
love, friendship and understanding that had changed Merle from an
obnoxious cat girl into a kind, gentle and graceful cat woman. She was
the woman Hitomi longed to be. She would make a perfect queen should
Van choose her instead.
"I think...you will make a better queen than me." Hitomi uttered the
sentence out of whim, but she regretted the impact only seconds later.
She saw hurt and anger in Merle's ocean blue eyes, but she couldn't
change what she had said. Looking away, she didn't dare to open her
lips, as she was afraid of saying something that will ruin their
friendship.
There was a long silence in the room. No one dared to speak up. And
instead of angry words, Merle merely approached her and lifted her chin
gently - a wavering smile decorated her smooth features, "You're going
to be here for quite a long time, Hitomi. Why don't you get yourself
used to wearing Fanelian court dresses? You'll need it in the future."
Lifting the dress carefully, she wrapped the material around Hitomi's
lithe shoulders.
"Van loves you, Hitomi..." she whispered, "Don't you ever forget that."
A single tear rolled down her bronze cheek.
-----
Hitomi never ceased to think about her earlier conversation with Merle
even after she had retreated to the safety of her temporary bedchamber.
She was glad her former rival - now her friend - trusted her with
everything she had felt about Van. However, sadness also clouded
Hitomi's mind with the knowledge of the other's misery, as she realised
how hard Merle's struggle was to accept the fact that her love was
forever unrequited.
She had never wished to disappoint the cat woman - never wanted to
disregard her sacrifices - but she wasn't sure if she wanted the status
as Van's queen. Of course, Van wouldn't force her to do something
against her will, but on the other hand, she also would never forgive
herself if she betrayed Merle's feelings. Guilt would haunt her for the
rest of her life.
In truth, Hitomi was very scared and confused. Her heart was filled
with joy when she found herself back in Van's world, but her
certainties wavered when it came to love and marriage. Was what she
felt for Van enough for her to abandon her much beloved friends and
family to rule by Van's side as the sovereign of Fanelia? She was
afraid the years she spent longing for the mortal angel were only part
of her adolescent dreams, some unsatisfied desire from the past. She
thought back at the moment when she told Yukari about Gaea - a strange
world so similar to the Earth and yet so filled with both wonder and
horror, and Van - the special young man she had met and loved during
her mysterious disappearance in Gaea. The feelings had been genuine at
that time, but she wouldn't have known if her current feelings came
from regrets.
She didn't know any more.
Van's image was the only thing appeared in her mind on the day she
disappeared again from the Earth, but to tell the truth, everything she
found and saw so far wavered most of her belief and conviction. Van had
transformed beyond her expectation, becoming the king he was expected
to be. She could sense he wasn't the daredevil and passionate young man
she once encountered in the past. The uncertainties that sometimes
flickered in his ruby eyes back then were not present anymore. His new
position as the official sovereign of Fanelia gave him confidence. He
was wiser and yes, calmer, and he was also a new person altogether. For
Hitomi, Van was a stranger.
She also changed - she was aware of the fact, but she was unable to
accept the different way Van treated her from the past. Yes, he was
affectionate and very polite to her - a good change of attitude to say
the least, but he also treated her like a princess. He lavished her
with silk, jewels, a beautiful suite and the best gifts befitted only
for the station of a queen, except she wasn't one. She missed the days
when they travelled only with their clothes attached on their backs,
back in the days when they had to flee from the Zaibachan army.
She didn't need Van's goddess-worshipped gaze. What she needed was some
time when they could be together and talk about many things, sorting
out their feelings and differences. To get to know each other again. To
re-establish some feelings that couldn't be described by mere words.
She would love to know the new Van - as a person, not a king.
However, the kingly duties that Van had to exercise made it impossible
for them to spend time together. And Hitomi felt more and more detached
as the seconds ticked by, as the day and the night came and went by.
There was time when she needed an advice, and that was now.
Loud and clear, her voice echoed against the alabaster walls as she
spoke to the empty room, "Yukari, life here isn't as easy as what I've
thought back there. It's just as hard and stressing as my job." Shaking
her head hopelessly, she chuckled bitterly to herself, "I should know
that life isn't a fairy tale."
"Yes," she spoke again, her eyes filled with courage and determination
"Life isn't a fairy tale. We have to fight for the outcome."
-----
Yes, life is not a fairy tale...
Van noted sombrely outside Hitomi's door. With his hand merely inches
from the door's surface, he immediately recalled his intention to knock
on Hitomi's door when he heard those very words being spoken. They made
him think of the irony of his own life. Hitomi's words really hit him
where it stung, hurt him thoroughly. He sensed the truth in that one
simple sentence, for he also felt the same way as Hitomi did.
He was afraid of her. Hitomi he had known in the past had changed so
much from the sweet and tomboyish girl who just appeared out of nowhere
in his world with her cropped sandy brown hair and a pair of huge,
adorable bluish green eyes. Of course, changes happened during the
fateful war that had brought Fanelia down to rumbles. She lost her
innocence little by little as the war progressed and became wiser.
Nevertheless, that was Hitomi years ago.
One thing was for sure. His woman - as he liked to think of Hitomi in
that way - was a never-ending puzzle, now and then. He would like to
think he had succeeded in figuring out Hitomi's nature, but the
surprise that he never had found out enough always waited for him at
the end of his exploration.
Hitomi had changed into a woman he had never dreamt she could become.
Even with her dynamic appearance, air of grace floated around her
presence. An intelligent and thoughtful woman, she wouldn't decide
important matters out of whim even when her life was at stake. She was
the only one deserving the very position as Fanelia's queen, as his
bride. The people of Fanelia had also given their approval on his
unspoken but obvious decision by respecting her as their role model and
hero from the first day she had returned to Fanelia.
She was strong yet so sensitive, a trait every Fanelian queen had to
possess.
She was beautiful, and she was the only woman he would gladly give up
his life for.
She also had loved him back, had returned his feelings. He could sense
that.
Still, love was not everything. A few other things couldn't be plainly
dismissed as simple matters...problems.
Hitomi and he came from two different worlds, far apart by the black
mist of the space. He comprehended the impossibility following Hitomi
back to her world, even though he would have done it gladly by all
means. He had responsibilities - Fanelia, his kingdom and his people.
Abandoning them would only presented dishonour in his person as a ruler
and a leader, and his Fanelian pride dictated him to always be the
guardian of his people no matter how much this station would cost him.
Hitomi would object as well should he decide to leave Gaea to return to
the Phantom Moon with her.
Nevertheless, he wanted Hitomi to be his bride. To be his queen, to
rule the kingdom together and share their lifetime together forever.
Loneliness ruled his universe since Hitomi left Gaea eight years ago,
no matter how much company he had around him. He had always been
longing for her presence, even when he berated himself for his
selfishness as he had to ask for her sacrifice - abandoning her own
world, her own people, her family. Just imagine how much pain Hitomi
would have to endure having her entire world wrenched from her.
For him, Hitomi's rejection would be most unbearable, even though
losing her also meant agony for the rest of his life. His pride
wouldn't allow him to be twice rejected. As the king of Fanelia, he
wouldn't beg for things he couldn't possibly win or possess. Yet he
also refused to lose the war without some struggle. He would fight her
until the end, until he was certain she had reached her final decision.
His resolution unwavering, he raised his hand to knock on the heavy
wooden door, but he stopped in mid-gesture as the door before him was
flung open.
Email me?
Tapping a finger impatiently on the arm of his throne, Van listened to
his counsellors with his temper in check everytime a comment grated on
his nerves. He wasn't a man who would throw a tantrum without a strong
reason - especially when he was well aware that his advisors had the
best of intentions for his welfare, but his patience had stretched
beyond limit. "Gentlemen, what do you expect by bringing this 'Ispano'
princess into my household?" he started; his breathing was ragged with
suppressed anger.
"Your Majesty," Clearing his throat, Gardia - the eldest and the leader
of his advisory board - spoke up for his colleagues. Respect was
present in his wrinkled eyes, but people could also see determination
and stubbornness there. From all of his counsellors, Gardia was the
toughest one to convince of the action he necessarily took as a king.
Although the elder had respected the young monarch and vowed to devote
the remaining of his life to assist to bring Fanelia back to her former
glory, doubts still existed deep down. Brashness marked every decision
that the king made, thus worried Gardia that someday the recklessness
would bring the country down. Gardia decided that rein was what the
king needed most. Especially from his counsellors, who of course, knew
the best for him.
"We all believe you understand precisely our intention- it's always in
your best interest, Your Majesty. Since you seem to face difficulties
in finding your bride - your future queen, if I may stress here, we're
all determined to assist. And we all have agreed that the Crown
Princess Ardine of Ispano is the perfect candidate for the role."
"Ispano? Why Ispano?" gritting his teeth in anger, Van shot back, "We
do not have any obligation to suddenly start an affiliation with
Ispano. It was an inaccessible country with unacknowledged political
prowess. Even her people have remained isolated from the general Gaea
Society in the past hundreds of years!" He stopped for a second,
inhaling deeply as he calmed his beating heart.
Composure, Van, you're a king! He warned himself, refusing to fall into
the trap of his own rage. He would never solve this problem by yelling
at others. Slowly he closed his eyes, trying to imagine something
pleasant to soothe his anger. It was a trick that Gaudi had taught him
when he first assumed his right as the rightful heir of the throne.
His tensed shoulder relaxed as an image of Hitomi smiling with her
angelic smile appeared in his mind.
Eyeing the elders one by one thoughtfully, Van decided to assume a more
accessible countenance and started again, this time slowly, "I am
certain we are here perfectly aware of our agreement. Until my twenty-
fourth spring, you, gentlemen, have no right to meddle in this affair
of finding a queen."
Straightening his back, Gardia answered the young king coolly and
lowered his voice as he said his words carefully, "In that case, the
princess will be informed that her visit this time was the king's
invitation for a long holiday in Fanelia."
"No, you don't understand what I mean," Van waved his hand in
frustration. The crease on his forehead deepened as he struggled for
the best way to explain his self. Sighing in defeat, he finally told
the elderly man an alternative explanation. Those old bastards would
never understand his wish and disposition. "Ispano is an isolated
country. I fear we might create some misunderstanding with the little
knowledge we have about Ispano's culture. And I don't want to create
problems that could mean diplomatic disorder. I'd rather avoid showing
promises and making an alliance with Ispano"
"But Your majesty," Gardia calmly interjected, hiding his feelings
behind perfectly composed stony mask, "we've already decided..."
"Your decision, not mine." Van mumbled under his breath. The chair and
the room suddenly felt too narrow and uncomfortable for him all of
sudden. "I personally resent the very idea of inviting her here. I
don't want Fanelia to have something to do with Ispano. If someone is
going to form an alliance, let it be Dryden of Asturia."
"Ispano is a rich island, Your Majesty." Emphasising on the word rich,
Gardia resumed his persuasion. His eyes burned with fervour as he
spoke, "They have tons of supply of extraordinarily gems and delicately
hand made jewels, made in a relatively lower production cost. Those
gems are in high demands! Just imagine if the king of Ispano gave us
the right to manage the allocation of the gems to the other kingdoms."
"But is also a mystery, especially revolving around the Zaibachan
underground activity in its capitol." Van intervened, his countenance
calm as he eyed Gardia levelly. He respected the elder, but they have
always been on the crossroads.
"Which is only a insignificant rumour," replied Gardia stoically, which
was supported by the nods and murmurs from his colleagues.
Narrowing his ruby eyes, Van leant forward to emphasis his point as he
said, "It may be only a rumour, but the safety of Fanelia is more
important than this whole marriage matter."
"I have already dispatch some people to investigate..." Gardia hadn't
finished his explanation when Van suddenly rose from his chair and
banged his palms on the table in front of him, causing some of his
weak-hearted audience to leap off their chairs in alarm. "I think
that's enough. Thank you, Gardia." Calmly Van addressed his grand
councillor.
Standing up after the king, Gardia enquired, "What about the princess,
Your Majesty? We have just received a letter of acceptance of your
invitation.
Sinking his teeth into his lower lip, he pedalled his brain furiously
as he was searching for an appropriate decision. But he was not left
with much a choice in this matter. Like it or not, the princess would
come in several days from now. He really had to applaud Gaudi's cunning
scheme in bringing the girl into Fanelia.
The audience expected Van to say something harsh about the matter, but
he only adjusted his cape, straightened himself and proceeded to close
the assembly, "Gentlemen, the assembly is closed for today. What
happened has happened, so I will let you do what you like. Only this
time." Still, a satisfied smile reached his eyes as he declared what
had been whirling in his mind for the past few hours in triumph, "I
have already had the perfect candidate for my new queen."
With his cape rustling behind him, he left the conference chamber in
long confident strides as the advisory board were murmuring among
themselves about his sudden and unexpected announcement.
-----
"You certainly appear to be much better, Lady Hitomi." A court lady
nodded and curtsied in a flourish as Hitomi strolled past her. Hitomi
could only nod back and smile in discomfort at such fine manner, as she
had yet to accustom herself to the fashion in Van's court. Such
frivolous nature! Looks beautiful but practically unnecessary.
"Thank...you." She hesitated for a minute before she thanked the young
lady, "that's...very kind of you."
Curiosity shone bright in her face as she rose from her curtsy. Her
sparkling amber eyes told Hitomi that she wanted to ask about
something, but she didn't have the courage. Hitomi could see it from
the girl's kind expression that she didn't mean to intrude or to cause
her great discomfort. Smiling reassuringly, Hitomi leant forward and
urged the girl to speak out her curiosity, "Something amiss?"
"Well...'tis..." Looking around to make sure that nobody could hear them,
she motioned Hitomi to follow her to a relatively secure corner and
whispered into her ears, "I understand it's still a secret, but
congratulation,"
Frowning deeply, Hitomi asked the girl back in confusion, "I don't
understand. What secret?"
Looking surprised, the girl whispered back, "Why, Lady Hitomi, you're
going to be a queen, aren't you? At least that's the rumour going
around in the entire castle. We're all very excited about the prospect
of having you as our future queen! Couldn't you imagine how proud I
would if you chose me as one of your lady in waiting..."
"Please stop." Hitomi interjected, bewilderment loading her mind. Van?
Marrying her? She had never thought of the possibility before. She had
been happy when she could meet him again despite the odds of the
situation, but she had never entertained the possibility of becoming
Van's queen in her mind. "I've never heard such things."
"Lady Hitomi?" the girl looked back at her with confusion in her eyes,
afraid she might have insulted her idol.
"Hitomi, please." She supplied patiently, smiling in encouragement as
she saw apprehension in the other's eyes, "I am no lady. Back in my
world, I am just plain Hitomi. So am I now. And the idea of me becoming
a queen is quite absurd. His Majesty certainly wouldn't wish to marry a
woman from another world."
"But..."
"There is no way I could be queen. I..." Hitomi hadn't finished her words
when she caught Merle's presence from the corners of her eyes.
"Merle!" the girl snorted in disgust at the cat-woman's appearance,
lifting her chin up haughtily as she folded her arms in front of her
chest, "How dare you to eavesdrop our conversation! You should know
your own position! If it is not for His Majesty, you wouldn't be what
you are now."
She nodded politely despite the treatment she received from the noble
girl, curtsying a little before she made her way toward Hitomi. "I
apologise for interrupting you my lady, but I'd like to have a word
with my friend." Emphasising the word friend, she approached Hitomi
silently and led her gently to the other side of the corridor.
"Despicable cat!" the girl hissed, glaring at Merle before she finally
harrumphed and hastened to another direction, leaving the two women to
their privacy. The noble girl evidently saw Merle as a lowly creature
that didn't deserve some respect.
Sighing softly to herself, Merle tugged on the sleeve of Hitomi's shirt
and guided her through the corridor without a sound. Concern filled
Hitomi's jade orbs as she opened her mouth to question Merle about her
apparent sadness, but the determination in the other's eyes made her
decide to save the questions for later. She continued her aloof
demeanour until they finally reached a room - a suite with a four-post
bed and a beautifully decorated fireplace. It was Merle's bedchamber.
Looking at her surrounding, Hitomi hopped onto the soft and fluffy
mattress, her voice declared genuine admiration, "It is a very
wonderful place you have here, Merle."
Merle only smiled slightly. Walking to the table near the decorated
fireplace, she poured two goblets of Fanelian wine and murmured as she
bore her ocean blue orbs into Hitomi's bluish green ones, "I never ask
him all of this finery. His attention toward me sometimes may well be
exasperating. He was doing it because I've always been a little sister
for him. I appreciate his attention, but people look at me as an
aggravating leech." Merle's expression was softened considerably as she
shoved one of the goblets into Hitomi's waiting hands, "Now here, drink
this. I made this from a very special recipe of wine I make myself. The
sweet taste lasts long in the mouth."
Nodding gratefully, Hitomi accepted the goblet of wine and gulped down
the entire content without pausing. A faint flush marred her face
slightly when she set the goblet aside on the bedside table. "Thank
You," she said, her smile broadening into a friendly grin.
Returning her friend's smile, Merle replied, "You're very welcome." She
then disappeared into what seemed to be a closet. The rustles of
clothing that she made as she rummaged something out of the corner
confirmed Hitomi's presumption.
Sighing in content, Hitomi lay down on the mattress and told Merle, "I
couldn't almost believe my eyes. You've become very beautiful, Merle.
And your pixie cut really suits you well."
"Pixie cut?" Merle reemerged with a silk blue gown clutched to her
chest, and grinned as she wiggled the silk to Hitomi's amused
curiosity.
"I mean...very short haircut." Hitomi continued casually, her turquoise
green orbs busy observing the gown in Merle's hands. The gown was
beautiful. She wondered if Merle was going to make her wear it.
Merle's sudden bitter laughter rang in her ears, causing Hitomi to bolt
up immediately with worry. She had never heard Merle laugh in that
manner before. Merle had always been all sweetness and nothing else,
even though her closeness to Van that sometimes made her envy the cat
woman. Merle was never bitter. She had always been charming and
protective and optimistic, even when Hitomi felt the cat-woman to be
annoying at times.
"Did I say something wrong?" Hitomi asked her anxiously.
Settling herself down beside Hitomi, Merle set the gown aside and
stopped laughing as she looked at the other woman, the misery etched in
her expression. A long pause ensued before the real conversation began.
"I need you to do me a favour."
Eyes grew slightly bigger, Hitomi asked her, "What favour?"
Merle's curling eyelashes brushed against her cheeks as she lowered her
gaze at her lap, "I want you to take good care of Lord Van. He
sometimes over exerted himself. He would reached his limit sooner than
I expected if he didn't stop his current life style."
"Merle, why me? I'm sure it has something to do with the rumour."
Merle shook her head, causing the curls to fall gracefully over her
forehead, "That's not a rumour, Hitomi. Van announced the fact to his
advisory board in this morning's assembly."
"Merle, it's only a rumour. I'm sure..." Hitomi fidgeted uneasily, words
suddenly very difficult to come out. "You don't have to believe it.
Besides, Van himself hasn't said a thing about the matter to me. And as
the closest person to him, you can always take care of..."
"Quit your sympathy, Hitomi." Merle told Hitomi harshly, unable to see
her friend in the eye, "He would ask you sooner or later. You know
this, yet you still try to hide the truth from yourself. That's worse
than lying!" A glimmering tear started down her cheek as she braved
herself to challenge Hitomi's eyes and whispered the embarrassing truth
into her friend's ear, "Even when I tried my damnest to be you, he
didn't care. He never sees me."
"I'm...sorry," she breathed the word sincerely, realising part of what
Merle had told her was true. Part of her wished Van would ask her hand
in marriage, but the other part of her still refused to acknowledge her
feelings. Part of her wanted to argue Merle and tell the cat-woman that
all the rumour was nonsense, but the other part of her didn't have the
will to raise her voice against Merle's statement.
There was an uncomfortable long silence before Merle's broken voice
flowed softly, "My hair reached my back just a few months ago. But I
cut it one day and made a vow to enter a nunnery should Van find
someone he really loved. When he married the lucky woman...that would be
my cue to disappear from his life forever." Locking her gaze intensely
with Hitomi's, she knelt down and told her resolutely, "There is
someone - a very special girl in his past whom he could never forget
his whole life." She swallowed hard and blinked as tears threatened to
fall down once again, "I'm sure you'll be happy with him, Hitomi."
"Merle..."
"I shall never go back to this castle again..." taking the empty goblets
away, Merle whispered softly to herself, "For I'll stay his best friend
forever...and never wish to be an obstacle in his life." Pausing in her
steps, she turned around to face Hitomi, "I hope you take good care of
him."
Hitomi understood. It took more than a mere courage for Merle to say
those words. Her great love for Van made her sacrifice her own feelings
and give up Van for the sake of his happiness. Hitomi had never thought
of the possibility of marrying Van, but she couldn't just ignore the
sacrifice and tears that Merle had shed for their happiness. It was
love, friendship and understanding that had changed Merle from an
obnoxious cat girl into a kind, gentle and graceful cat woman. She was
the woman Hitomi longed to be. She would make a perfect queen should
Van choose her instead.
"I think...you will make a better queen than me." Hitomi uttered the
sentence out of whim, but she regretted the impact only seconds later.
She saw hurt and anger in Merle's ocean blue eyes, but she couldn't
change what she had said. Looking away, she didn't dare to open her
lips, as she was afraid of saying something that will ruin their
friendship.
There was a long silence in the room. No one dared to speak up. And
instead of angry words, Merle merely approached her and lifted her chin
gently - a wavering smile decorated her smooth features, "You're going
to be here for quite a long time, Hitomi. Why don't you get yourself
used to wearing Fanelian court dresses? You'll need it in the future."
Lifting the dress carefully, she wrapped the material around Hitomi's
lithe shoulders.
"Van loves you, Hitomi..." she whispered, "Don't you ever forget that."
A single tear rolled down her bronze cheek.
-----
Hitomi never ceased to think about her earlier conversation with Merle
even after she had retreated to the safety of her temporary bedchamber.
She was glad her former rival - now her friend - trusted her with
everything she had felt about Van. However, sadness also clouded
Hitomi's mind with the knowledge of the other's misery, as she realised
how hard Merle's struggle was to accept the fact that her love was
forever unrequited.
She had never wished to disappoint the cat woman - never wanted to
disregard her sacrifices - but she wasn't sure if she wanted the status
as Van's queen. Of course, Van wouldn't force her to do something
against her will, but on the other hand, she also would never forgive
herself if she betrayed Merle's feelings. Guilt would haunt her for the
rest of her life.
In truth, Hitomi was very scared and confused. Her heart was filled
with joy when she found herself back in Van's world, but her
certainties wavered when it came to love and marriage. Was what she
felt for Van enough for her to abandon her much beloved friends and
family to rule by Van's side as the sovereign of Fanelia? She was
afraid the years she spent longing for the mortal angel were only part
of her adolescent dreams, some unsatisfied desire from the past. She
thought back at the moment when she told Yukari about Gaea - a strange
world so similar to the Earth and yet so filled with both wonder and
horror, and Van - the special young man she had met and loved during
her mysterious disappearance in Gaea. The feelings had been genuine at
that time, but she wouldn't have known if her current feelings came
from regrets.
She didn't know any more.
Van's image was the only thing appeared in her mind on the day she
disappeared again from the Earth, but to tell the truth, everything she
found and saw so far wavered most of her belief and conviction. Van had
transformed beyond her expectation, becoming the king he was expected
to be. She could sense he wasn't the daredevil and passionate young man
she once encountered in the past. The uncertainties that sometimes
flickered in his ruby eyes back then were not present anymore. His new
position as the official sovereign of Fanelia gave him confidence. He
was wiser and yes, calmer, and he was also a new person altogether. For
Hitomi, Van was a stranger.
She also changed - she was aware of the fact, but she was unable to
accept the different way Van treated her from the past. Yes, he was
affectionate and very polite to her - a good change of attitude to say
the least, but he also treated her like a princess. He lavished her
with silk, jewels, a beautiful suite and the best gifts befitted only
for the station of a queen, except she wasn't one. She missed the days
when they travelled only with their clothes attached on their backs,
back in the days when they had to flee from the Zaibachan army.
She didn't need Van's goddess-worshipped gaze. What she needed was some
time when they could be together and talk about many things, sorting
out their feelings and differences. To get to know each other again. To
re-establish some feelings that couldn't be described by mere words.
She would love to know the new Van - as a person, not a king.
However, the kingly duties that Van had to exercise made it impossible
for them to spend time together. And Hitomi felt more and more detached
as the seconds ticked by, as the day and the night came and went by.
There was time when she needed an advice, and that was now.
Loud and clear, her voice echoed against the alabaster walls as she
spoke to the empty room, "Yukari, life here isn't as easy as what I've
thought back there. It's just as hard and stressing as my job." Shaking
her head hopelessly, she chuckled bitterly to herself, "I should know
that life isn't a fairy tale."
"Yes," she spoke again, her eyes filled with courage and determination
"Life isn't a fairy tale. We have to fight for the outcome."
-----
Yes, life is not a fairy tale...
Van noted sombrely outside Hitomi's door. With his hand merely inches
from the door's surface, he immediately recalled his intention to knock
on Hitomi's door when he heard those very words being spoken. They made
him think of the irony of his own life. Hitomi's words really hit him
where it stung, hurt him thoroughly. He sensed the truth in that one
simple sentence, for he also felt the same way as Hitomi did.
He was afraid of her. Hitomi he had known in the past had changed so
much from the sweet and tomboyish girl who just appeared out of nowhere
in his world with her cropped sandy brown hair and a pair of huge,
adorable bluish green eyes. Of course, changes happened during the
fateful war that had brought Fanelia down to rumbles. She lost her
innocence little by little as the war progressed and became wiser.
Nevertheless, that was Hitomi years ago.
One thing was for sure. His woman - as he liked to think of Hitomi in
that way - was a never-ending puzzle, now and then. He would like to
think he had succeeded in figuring out Hitomi's nature, but the
surprise that he never had found out enough always waited for him at
the end of his exploration.
Hitomi had changed into a woman he had never dreamt she could become.
Even with her dynamic appearance, air of grace floated around her
presence. An intelligent and thoughtful woman, she wouldn't decide
important matters out of whim even when her life was at stake. She was
the only one deserving the very position as Fanelia's queen, as his
bride. The people of Fanelia had also given their approval on his
unspoken but obvious decision by respecting her as their role model and
hero from the first day she had returned to Fanelia.
She was strong yet so sensitive, a trait every Fanelian queen had to
possess.
She was beautiful, and she was the only woman he would gladly give up
his life for.
She also had loved him back, had returned his feelings. He could sense
that.
Still, love was not everything. A few other things couldn't be plainly
dismissed as simple matters...problems.
Hitomi and he came from two different worlds, far apart by the black
mist of the space. He comprehended the impossibility following Hitomi
back to her world, even though he would have done it gladly by all
means. He had responsibilities - Fanelia, his kingdom and his people.
Abandoning them would only presented dishonour in his person as a ruler
and a leader, and his Fanelian pride dictated him to always be the
guardian of his people no matter how much this station would cost him.
Hitomi would object as well should he decide to leave Gaea to return to
the Phantom Moon with her.
Nevertheless, he wanted Hitomi to be his bride. To be his queen, to
rule the kingdom together and share their lifetime together forever.
Loneliness ruled his universe since Hitomi left Gaea eight years ago,
no matter how much company he had around him. He had always been
longing for her presence, even when he berated himself for his
selfishness as he had to ask for her sacrifice - abandoning her own
world, her own people, her family. Just imagine how much pain Hitomi
would have to endure having her entire world wrenched from her.
For him, Hitomi's rejection would be most unbearable, even though
losing her also meant agony for the rest of his life. His pride
wouldn't allow him to be twice rejected. As the king of Fanelia, he
wouldn't beg for things he couldn't possibly win or possess. Yet he
also refused to lose the war without some struggle. He would fight her
until the end, until he was certain she had reached her final decision.
His resolution unwavering, he raised his hand to knock on the heavy
wooden door, but he stopped in mid-gesture as the door before him was
flung open.
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