Chapter 4: The Proposal

"Van," Hitomi breathed in relief, relaxing her posture. "What on earth are you doing here?" she was going to move aside and let Van step into her bedchamber, but Van's pensive eyes stopped her in mid track.

"What is it, Van? Is something wrong?"

A slight frown appeared on Hitomi's forehead when it became clear that Van was not going to answer her. Apparently he was in sort of a stupor and didn't plan to wake up any sooner. Hitomi was trying to catch his eyes, but he had avoided her skilfully. Still, Hitomi noticed that his fists were curled in tension on the sides of his body, and she had known straight away that Van was agitated about something.

The silence continued for a good whole minute before Hitomi decided she had to take charge of the situation. Her forehead creasing deeper, Hitomi repeated her question, "Something's wrong, Van?"

Van only smiled vaguely and shook his head. Gazing into Hitomi's greenish-blue eyes, he asked her ever so gently, "May I…come in?"

"That's what I was trying to tell you in the past few minutes." Hitomi informed him, tenderness shining through her eyes as she pretended to scold him. "You look very distracted." That was a statement, not a question.

Van closed the door behind him with soft click and sat on the nearest chair in the suite. He was definitely aware of the tension that existed between him and Hitomi, but he was not courageous enough to begin the talk that he had been longing to do since he found her floating above the lake a few days ago. He had been aching to the question, to relieve himself of a lot of desires that had been haunting him for the last few years. Fighting Zaibach Kingdom appeared to be a small, insignificant task compared to this.

He feared Hitomi's reaction.

Still, he was determined to discover the truth from her no matter how painful it could be.

Clutching the sides of the armchair tightly, Van ground his teeth and gathered the last drop of his courage. Suddenly the task of opening his jaws became a difficult one, and his frantic brain seemed to be incapable of delivering the right phrase.

Taking a deep breath, Van finally managed to gather his composure and pronounced the line, "Hitomi, I would be honoured if you give me your hand in marriage."

He could see surprise flickering in her beautiful turquoise blue eyes. However, the particular emotion soon died, replaced by some other emotions that he was unable to define.

"I…"

"I understand that you don't want to stay in Gaea forever," he blurted out hopelessly, the feeling of dread starting to dampen his spirit, "But I would do anything to have you as my wife, even if it was only for temporary,"

Hitomi's eyes went wide. Her face was unreadable, but Van sensed a strong emotion radiating from her. He couldn't bear the thought of Hitomi rejecting him, so when he saw her opening her mouth to speak, he interrupted without second thought, "You're the only suitable candidate. You'll make a wonderful queen. Please stay, at least until we could bring forth an heir for this kingdom. Please…" he had been so frantic he didn't think of the consequence of his words anymore, "I am fully conscious that this is a very selfish decision, but Fanelia's destiny had to be determined by now. And I could only marry you. You're the only one whom I am willing to do this together." Van raised his eyes, searching for any hint of reactions, but her expression remained neutral. Only her clenched fists showed the agitation she harboured toward the offer.

There was a long, unpleasant silence afterwards.

Hitomi eventually raised her face, her eyes burning with disappointment as she forced out a shaky smile. "You asked me such a request, yet you never questioned what I feel." Hitomi told him, her lips trembled in anger, "Van, you never changed."

Hitomi turned to face the tall mirror behind her, her eyes staring intently at Van's reflection. She couldn't bear to look at him directly in the eyes lest she would cry. When she finally found her voice, it cracked with sorrow and disappointment, "What am I to you? A weapon? A tool? Or just plainly Hitomi, a strange girl from the Phantom moon that you could treat as you saw fit?!"

Van thinned his lips as he looked away. He dug his nails into his palm, causing blood to trickle on the floor. Yet he hardly felt any pain in his distress. Cursed his mouth, for it was the tool of foul speech which had started his whole predicament. Hitomi had perceived his good will negatively and he was clueless as to how he had to mend it.

He had meant to say that he would not stop her if she wanted to return to the Phantom Moon someday should she find no happiness in Fanelia. He wanted her to be truly happy. His only wish was to spend the remaining of their time together, even if it was only for a short while.

Sometimes he wished he was Allen Schezar. The Asturian knight had fought side by side with him in the Great War, and he was both his friend and rival at the same time. Still, Van learnt nothing of his art of love during the years of their acquaintance. Sweet-talking was not his way, and he simply didn't understand how to approach women. The problem was worsened by the fact that he and Hitomi had often misunderstood each other. Hitomi always mistook the reason behind his action for something else.

"I…"

Hitomi straightened her spine, preparing herself for the worst. Van must have been furious after hearing her sudden outburst. But she hardly regretted her words. After all, she was certain that every woman in the world wished to be loved not for their value as a tool to produce children but as a whole person.  Van just simply didn't understand this desire because he was a creature of logic.

It was also one of the reasons why she had broken any ties to his world some years ago. She didn't dare to hope. She didn't want to face the disappointment of never in possession of the special place in Van's heart. When she had left Gaea, her fear was proven right. Although Van had not been entirely indifferent to her departure, he did not exactly prevent her to go. And there she was, somehow hoping that Van would beg her to stay and display more passion toward their relationship.

But she strengthened her resolution now she had been given a second chance to meet him. By God, she would force Van to tell her his true feeling. This way, she would not regret anything even if she had to return to the Earth.

"You don't understand." His tone was harsh as he rose to his feet abruptly, humiliation clearly written on his face. He was leaving – the talk was for nothing, anyway. He had sacrificed his integrity for her by having the wretched discussion, but Hitomi always judge him in the wrong light. She was able to use her mind's eyes to see the events still far away in the future, and yet never could see spare a little bit of her ability to look deeper into his soul. He was a wretched man, never good with words and never the subtle man with the ladies. He would only continue to disgrace himself and lose Hitomi if he continued his advance.

He was just to walk away when Hitomi grabbed his arm and pulled him back all of sudden, hissing, "No, Your Majesty. You stay here!" He glared at her in retaliation, but she gazed back into his eyes, not even intimidated. Something shimmered in the depths of her eyes – power, courage. "You are running away again."

Van shook his head grimly and tried to walk away as he informed her in low voice, his tone dangerous, "I'm leaving."

Hitomi moaned her frustration. In the end, it was clear that she had lost for she was unable make him to see his intention. It was true that she had said her earlier rejection out of anger and disappointment from the bottom of her heart, but she was even more disappointed to see how Van had been giving up on her too easily.

One of them had to stay strong and fight to the end. Deep down Hitomi knew, everything would be over once Van went through the door. 

"No!" Hitomi yelled at him and grabbed his arm unconsciously, but cold washed over her when she saw the look in Van's eyes. She should have sensed it from the beginning. The Van standing in front of her wasn't the same impetuous young man she had known in the past. What she saw in him was a cold, calculating mind with some touch of authority and confidence, and a warrior's fierceness. Van had become a genuine king. Years and years Hitomi had always imagined that Van would always have been the same boy she had come to know during her adventure in Gaea, but the reality was reflected in Van's eyes slowly erased all those beliefs. Van who stood before her was almost an entirely different person.

She also sensed something else.

Those eyes – they were full of fear.

Van feared her. Truly.

It was then that she finally fully understood. Van needed reassurance as much as she did. He had been afraid, too afraid to look past physical appearance and see what was in her soul to dig for the truth, her real feelings towards him. His speech was always awkward whenever he attempted to ask or discuss personal things with her, because he was trying to mask his vulnerability. She had been so selfish to think that only her needed the reassurance. For Van, who had been without love and parents for so long in his life, kind words may have been a true gem.

"Let go!" Van hissed back, snatching his hands away from hers. Hitomi woke up from her momentary lapse of mind immediately, but this time she let go of him. She wanted him to stay, but she realised it was useless to force him unless he was really willing. She had to think of something fast, before it was all too late. She didn't want any regret for Van, or for her. She didn't run after Van this time, but as she spoke her voice reverberated against the chamber's walls and rang true even in the heart of its speaker.

"If you go through that door, everything will be finished. There'll be nothing but regret!"

Van turned his head around at this admonishment, and for that Hitomi breathed in relief and said a thankful little prayer. There was still hope for them.

She vowed inwardly that there would be no more lies for their own sake. Squaring her shoulders bravely, she looked deep into his eyes and asked him once again with unwavering resolution, "If you really appreciate me as a woman, you'll tell me the rest. The problems couldn't be solved if we're not honest to each other, Van. It's time to tell me the truth."

When she saw the accusation in his eyes, Hitomi couldn't help sighing. There was strange heaviness in her heart – a mixture of sadness and frustration. There was only one thing she could do.

Hitomi ran over to Van's side before he could think of some more damaging words to say and dropped on her knees, taking his hands in hers. A sad smile slowly grew as she noticed the surprise in his face – he half-opened his mouth but wisely decided to keep silent and gave her a chance for once. For that, she was extremely grateful.

She would need all the chances he could give her.

"I must have sounded very cruel when I told you that you just intended to use me as a tool, but I never lie about my feelings even for a second." She could see him flinch from the corners of her eyes, but there was nothing that could dither her resolution now, "If you really, really see me as a woman and not as what I just accused you of, you will not run away and leave me with a wrong impression of you."

Still more silence.

Hitomi sighed again, this time in mild annoyance. Men and their bull-headed pride!

"The truth Van, the truth!" she finally blurted out in earnest. Slowly rising to her feet, Hitomi could feel the hot tears stung her eyes. Van would never open his heart completely to her. She should have said yes the first time Van asked her to marry him instead of confronting his emotional barriers. She had wanted more than her fair share and lost more in return.

But then, she may not have lost completely after all.  

Van raked his dark hair vigorously, distress shown all over his face, "The truth, Hitomi? You knew it already. I need a wife, a queen, a woman who could bear a son for me and…" He stopped in mid sentence as he saw Hitomi's pained expression. She was trying to be brave, but her tears were brimming, threatening to roll down her pale cheeks anytime. "And…"

"And…?" Hitomi urged him to go on as she tightened her hold on Van's hand, waiting for the worst.

Van couldn't bear it anymore. He couldn't hold back any feelings, any emotions... On top of all of it he couldn't stand seeing despair in Hitomi's eyes. He wanted to be honest with her, to tell her the truth, to erase the sadness and disappointment in her eyes. Gently he placed his palm on her cheek and wiped the beginning of a tear with his thumb. He hated to see this woman crying, and yet he was always the source of her misery.

"I…need you."

Hitomi's eyes widened in surprise, a little of colour appearing on her blanched face. A solitary man, Van locked his innermost feelings inside that even he himself sometimes didn't understand what he wanted. Outwardly he was strong, flexible and friendly, but inward he also had his shares of fears and doubts. But just in a few minutes, Hitomi noticed him growing, destroying the barriers that he usually erected between them.

"I…I've always dreamt you as my wife, my queen, the mother of my sons, my…most cherished and loved one. What I was trying to say is just…" swallowing hard, he continued hoarsely, "that you will give me the chance to spend my life with you. Together. However…I don't want to limit you by grounding you here, in Gaea. Should you have been happier in the Phantom Moon than in Gaea, I would gladly let you go with all my blessings."

There. He had said it all. It was all up to Hitomi now – how she would choose to react. Stepping back stiffly, he then said, "Now, if you'll excuse me…"

"Van…wait! Don't go!" Hitomi threw herself into his arms on impulse to prevent him to inch any closer to the door. "Don't go…" she softly whispered as she looked into his eyes with a shameless plea in her eyes.

Van brushed a bang of sandy brown hair out of her face and looked at her in scrutiny. His Phantom Moon girl had blossomed into a graceful young woman, with longer hair that had reached her shoulders and striking turquoise eyes. She had grown taller…and more slender. Her personality had also changed a little. She had abandoned her boyish trait and developed her more feminine quality, although she still had the air of swiftness that she had always been associated with. However, above all, she had been Hitomi, and would still be Hitomi forever.

Detaching himself from Hitomi and kneeling in front of her, Van gazed deeply into those pools of green eyes, and smiled tenderly as he asked the question once again, "The girl of the Phantom Moon, would you grant me the honour of having your hands in marriage? Would you be my queen, my wife and the mother of the children I will sire in the future?"

"Oh Van," Hitomi sank down to her knees, her eyes dancing with laughter and happiness. There were innocence and childlikeness in the way she looked at him that made him want to sweep her into his arms and cuddle her senseless, "You should have known that I have chosen to stay beside you even before you asked me. You have my faith and love, Van. For as long as we live, because I couldn't bear to return to the Earth and lose you the second time."

Blinking the unshed tears away, Van gathered her in his arms and kissed the tip of her nose, "No. We must return someday. Your parents haven't granted me the permission to whisk you away from their life. By rights, they have to know."

"I'm glad of your thoughtfulness, but there is nothing to worry about. I don't know about my father and brother, but I share a link with my mother. She'll know that I am okay. And I've told my best friend about this world, so I am sure she would enlighten them the moment she knew I was gone. My parents should know about me being here by now, I guess." Smiling reassuringly, Hitomi sat on her heels and told him gently.

Van rose to his feet; a look of determination swept away all the fears and confusion that he felt merely seconds ago. He balled his fists into a tight ball, his forehead creased deeply as he told her in a low voice, "I shall make sure everything's all right. I'll arrange everything so that we could be married within a month." He offered his hand to help Hitomi up, and added with a twinkle in his eyes, "I realise what we did several years ago was a mistake, Hitomi. I should have just married you then and there!"

Laughing softly against the material of Van's shirt, Hitomi remarked, "Oh Van, by then I would refuse! We were still too young!" When her laughter died out, she spoke gently, "No matter what, we should consider ourselves lucky. I didn't even think that I would ever return here and started over what we have begun then."

"You're right." Van kissed Hitomi's fingers in such tenderness that earned a look of surprise from Hitomi. He realised he was acting out of his character, but his head was giddy with happiness and he wished to please his lady. He heard from Allen Schezar once that women love small affectionate gestures like the one he had just done.

"What?" Van taunted as a mischievous grin distorted his handsome face, "I could do more than that. Or have you forgotten that I'm a man, after all?"

Heat crept up her swan-like neck as Hitomi snatched her hand away. Opening and closing her mouth several times, at first she didn't know what to say, but then she settled on grumbling, "All men are jerks. Don't ever think that you could take advantage like what Allen did to me last time…" On second thought, she gasped and turned to Van, apology in her eyes. She shouldn't have hurt him by mentioning the name of her past love.

However, she didn't see any anger in his eyes, only tenderness. He wasn't mad at all. She was just opening her mouth to say her apology when Van slowly drew her into his arms and kissed the tip of her nose. His twinkling eyes told her that he was totally amused by her recent remark. Smiling mischievously, he lowered his face and captured Hitomi's lips with his, closing his eyes as he tasted her sweet essence.

Hitomi wanted more, but Van drew himself and watched her in amusement as she opened one of her eyes and twisted her lips in annoyance. "I told you I am a fully capable man. It's only natural, though I don't know if I could do it with any other women." He teased her some more, giving her a wide grin.

Smiling humourlessly, Hitomi looked eye-to-eye with her husband-to-be and said, "You can be rest assured that I would haul you out of our room myself and let you sleep there for centuries to come if I ever catch you doing that after our wedding. Somehow, I should be thankful for the unromantic side of yours."

Van shook his head in mock pain and let out a soft chuckle, "You can count on it, Hitomi. For no one ever captured my heart and made me feel like this, except you. I will never betray you, as a friend or a husband. Or even as a king."

Van offered his hand to her, silently begging Hitomi to believe all his words. A smile surfaced as Hitomi daintily put her own hand in his as a sign that she placed her trust in his care.

"It's a deal."

Gaudi paced back and fro in front of the young king of Fanelia; his fine features was clouded with worries. Van's unexpected news had shocked him to his bones, and as soon as he was able to regain his composure he had expressed his disagreement on the king's rash decision right away, sometimes followed by an atrocious curse or two. He would have mauled Van's head if it wasn't for the great amount of respect he harboured toward his cousin. How could Van have been so ignorant of what his decision would bring to Fanelia? There could have been war between Fanelia and Ispano upon his announcement of his and Hitomi's forthcoming marriage. Princess Ardine's upcoming arrival itself was an obvious sign of disaster to begin with.

No one had yet discussed the marriage proposal between the two kingdoms, but the holiday invitation had the impression that Van would eventually ask the princess' hands in marriage. He had to admit the royal council had gone too far this time. What they had done was not merely a breach into Van's most private life, but also a cunning plan that might trap Van in an unresolved political tension. The council must have assumed that Van would comply with their whims sooner or later. It was a pity the council had not counted on the return of Hitomi to Gaea.

In his suspicion, Gaudi had conducted a little research on Ispano's culture and political power, and balked at the news that his secret agent had brought back. The council board must have been aware of the consequence of their plan, but kept the facts a secret from Van. When Ispanian women came into a marriageable age, they would have to stay home and were not allowed to conduct a visit to the opposite gender. Of course, they were allowed to have some potential suitors to visit them, but the contrary was a taboo. Every Ispanian female who failed to comply with this custom was immediately doomed as a disgrace to the society, resulting in banishment. On the other hand, when the suitor had been confirmed, the lady would eventually have moved into the groom's house.

His agent had told him that the Ispanian Princess had undergone the rite-of-passage ceremony, meaning she was now a lady of marriageable age. When the king of Ispano allowed his daughter to visit Fanelia, it meant he had been lead to believe that Van would have asked his daughter's hand in marriage. Gaudi didn't know what terms the council had offered behind Van's back that the Ispanian King actually allowed his only daughter to travel so far to Fanelia without any certain marriage proposal, but he smelled something fishy behind his decision. What kind of father was he to let his daughter to be disgraced among his very own people?

Gritting his teeth in anxiety, Gaudi finally inquired, "Van…you actually have proposed to Lady Hitomi?"

"Yes," Van answered carefully, trying to delve more into what Gaudi was trying to inform him, "Last night, to be precise, and I have my answer already."

"It's a disaster." Gaudi mumbled to himself, moaning as he covered in eyes with both of his hands, "Disaster."

Perplexed by Gaudi's unexpected reaction to his good news, Van shot up from his chair and confronted his cousin, demanding a clear explanation of his harsh comment, "Gaudi, I thought you'd be happy with this news. Is it about Merle? If that's true, I'll straight some things up with her soon, so don't worry…"

"NO! That's not about her!" Gaudi shot back, harsher than what he intended to be. Breathing heavily, he repeated his response, "No, it's not about that…"

"Then, what is it about…" Van trailed off, standing in front of his cousin with his mouth agape, hot white anger starting to cloud his logic. He shook his head to clear his misgiving, afraid that too much emotion would end things in regrets. He put his hands gently on Gaudi's shoulders and forced him to sit down, commanding him to narrate the whole story.

Running his fingers through his hair, Gaudi managed to tell Van everything he knew about Ispanian customs to the smallest details. His fists were shaking in anger as he recounted his whole knowledge and his eyes were burning with undisguised rage. He had always respected the elders and the council, but never had he expected they would really stab Van from behind. "They trapped you into some unknown culture, Van. They trapped you! Now you have a choice to either marry the Ispanian princess to save your kingdom or…to be branded as a traitor by your own subjects by choosing to marry Lady Hitomi and ignoring all the commotions." When he finished his explanation, he could feel his nerve was going to explode. He took a deep breath to calm himself down for he didn't trust himself to say the right word when he was in a high-strung mode.

Van fell silent - he hadn't said a word since the first time Gaudi told him the truth behind the visit of the Ispanian princess. His face didn't show any hint of emotion. It was completely blanked, impassive. Gaudi, worried about Van's state of mind, shook his shoulder gently and called his name very softly, "Your Majesty,"

Van slowly raised his eyes to meet Gaudi's own, and replied, "Yes?"

"Is everything all right?" then almost realising his wrong choice of words, Gaudi quickly remedied, "I apologised. I mean…"

Van was smiling as he spoke the older man, brushing the strong hand from his shoulder in reassurance, "I am fine, thank you. It's just…I am just…" combing his raven hair with his fingers, he stated, "I feel so strange. I wasn't angry, but I was also mildly annoyed. I…don't know how to feel about this matter, Gaudi. Perhaps you could help me."

"Van."

"The council. The elders. I trusted them so much. I trusted that they would inform me any single going-on in my kingdom. I have always appreciated their opinions, although sometimes I disagreed with them and deliberately solving the matters in my own ways." Van's shoulders slumped as he spoke the words in disbelief. "God…I never realised that…they would…"

Placing a hand firmly on his cousin's shoulder, Gaudi looked at him directly in his eyes, "Your decision, Your Majesty?"

Squaring his shoulders bravely, Van looked back at him – a small amount of his determination finally returned. For this, Gaudi breathed in relief. He knew that Van would have never been deterred by anything, including the betrayal of his own council.

"Do not breathe any word about this yet. I have no wish to stir the public and cause such a panic so soon. Let's just observe the circumstance and decide later on. We'll have plenty of problems in the future for sure."

Nodding in hesitation, Gaudi rubbed his stubbly chin thoughtfully and asked him the question he had been curious to ask, "…and what about Lady Hitomi, Van? You have proposed to her, and it is a total disgrace to cancel the whole wedding. And…" Giving Van a crooked smile, he planted his hands into his hips in his own version of devilish posture and stated, "…it's a pity if you have to cancel your engagement. Your lady is different from others to begin with, and she would make a difference in the court. She would shine, compared to those swooning court ladies." With that, he cursed and spat, showing his disgust openly in front of the young king.

"No, Gaudi." Van's sudden response startled the older man, who snapped his head up upon hearing the very statement. "I shall not cancel the wedding. I will even have it arranged very soon. I'll try to approach the matter by diplomacy, but should it not work against the matter, I'm pretty certain we still have another choice."

Gaping silently, Gaudi clenched his fists on his sides, his eyes clearly stating his disbelief. "You're going to drag the whole nation into war!" he hissed, his golden eyes scorching Van to his soul.

War. The accusation sounded bitter in his ears. There could be a possibility of war taking its toll between two nations, and that could also mean another Great War in the land of Gaea. Hadn't they had enough of the last war? Was there no way they could avoid it? They have achieved peace just a little while ago, but it seemed that peace just wouldn't last very long.

Leaving the bewildered Gaudi, Van closed the door behind him. Human made choices, for they were not ruled by fate alone. There had to be another way, no matter how much pain it could bring him. He had to avoid war no matter what happened.

So? How is that, minna-sama? I think the plot is going to be thicker starting here. These first four chapters are only the opening to the real problem. Is there going to be a war, plainly the only solution for this moment, or is it going to be another solution? You may guess whatever, but Van is certainly having something in his mind. :) Anyway, email me and tell me what you think about it. Email me too and tell me what's wrong with it if you don't like it. I'm just doing this for hobby, but I also want to improve myself. Okay, see ya in the next chapter, ja neeeee!

Email me?