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Chapter 8 – Getting on with her life

"I-I'm WHAT?" Hermione asked, shocked.

"You're having a baby" the healer repeated.

"I can't."

"Yes you can. And you will."

"But... I can't handle having one. I mean... the father is dead, damn it!" she cried.

"There's lots of single mum's out there nowadays" the female healer said comforting. "A baby is a wonderful gift to life."

"I'm sure it is, but..."

"If you want to give it up, you will have to make your decision soon."

"No – no, I can't give it up."

"Good, then. But you seem to be recovered after the attack, which means that you may check out."

One month and a half later

Hermione was sitting at her kitchen table, slowly sipping a cup of coffee. Today was the day. She was finally going back to Hogwarts to take care of her and Draco's things.

She hadn't been there since the incident. She knew that she would break down just by seeing that place again, but she knew that she had to go soon. They couldn't store all their stuff forever at Hogwarts, could they? And she didn't want them to just pack it together and send it over, she needed to go there. She wanted to go there and pack the stuff together, like a final goodbye.

Perhaps returning to Hogwarts to teach had been a mistake, she didn't know. But she knew that after this, she couldn't ever go back to teaching again. That would have been all wrong. She was going to have that baby, she was going to take care of him or her when he or she grew up and eventually she would be looking around for another job, here in London. She didn't really care about meeting someone and getting married right now. Maybe she would meet someone someday and fall in love again. But that day wouldn't come faster just because she was waiting. So why wait?

She went back to reality and watched her clock, which showed 10:12 AM. She'd better get going, so she put on a black skirt and a black shirt and walked over to the fireplace. She was going there by floo powder, straight into Professor Dumbledore's office. She had owled him earlier and alerted him so that he was aware of that she would be coming.

Dumbledore was waiting for her when she arrived and rushed towards the fireplace to help her up.

"Hermione! How are you doing?"

"Um - I'm okay, I guess..."

"The trip went well?"

"Yes."

"Okay, then. You know where to go. The new password is Muggles rocks. Stupid, I know, but it was your substitute's idea. Anyway, just take your time and come back when you're ready. In case I'm not in my office, the password here is Seventeen galleons and eight sickles."

"Thank you" Hermione said weekly.

"You're welcome. And take care."

She left Dumbledore's office and walked towards the teacher's common room.

Thank god everyone is in class, she thought. She didn't want to meet anyone, didn't want their pity, and didn't want to embarrass them. And she got lucky and didn't meet anyone. She entered the empty common room and remained standing still, staring at the fireplace. It felt like it was yesterday she had come out of her room and found Draco sitting here, burning papers.

I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to cry. I'm not a damn baby who cries!

She walked towards the room which they had shared and laid her right hand on the knob, hesitating. Then she took a deep breath and pushed the door open. It smelt a little stale. Obviously, no one had been here since they left for Hogsmeade that evening almost two months ago. She could still smell him. A pair of his robes were thrown on a chair in a corner, and so was hers.

She threw herself on the bed, burying her face in his pillow with tears streaming down her cheeks. She lay there, sobbing, smelling, for almost an hour. Her eyelids were so heavy...

She woke up four hours later with an awful headache. She groaned and sat up, rubbing her eyes. Why did everyone in her life disappear?

Her parents, dead. Because of Voldemort. Harry, dead. Because of Voldemort as well. Ron, gone and didn't give a damn about her any more. Even that was because of Voldemort! Draco, her new passion in life, dead. Because of Voldemort's son!

She got out of the bed and started to pack all the stuff together. She didn't know what to do with his things; should she keep it? Or give it to someone, or maybe just throw it away? At last she decided to take everything with her now, and maybe she could decide what to do with it later.

She didn't bother folding everything neatly or something like that; she just pressed everything into a trunk which she later pulled through the corridors to Dumbledore's office.

"So you're back. Did it go well?"

"Yes" Hermione said and held a hand against her stomach which hurt.

He looked at her with concern.

"Are you okay? You look a little pale."

The pain in her stomach had grown stronger.

"I'm fine" she said, but then another wave of pain came along, causing her to drop the trunk and bend down.

"Hermione, what's wrong?"

"My stomach" she whined.

Dumbledore turned to one of the portraits on the wall.

"August! Go and get Madam Pomfrey, will you?"

"Yes sir!" the man in the portrait said and hurried away.

Hermione was lying on her side on the floor, puffing heavily, her arms wrapped around her stomach in pain, when Madam Pomfrey finally arrived.

"Oh, dear. Oh, dear."

Then she passed out.