Lee Adama held his last remaining friend in his arms and said a prayer that he hadn't destroyed their relationship completely. Talk about things getting out of hand… He had only meant to be sure she was okay. He had only meant to provide her with a little silent support. What the frak had he been thinking?
Well, what he'd been thinking was that she'd looked so miserable, so shaky, that he had needed to be sure she was okay. Aside from being a good friend, and from having saved his life only hours before, she had also been his brother's girl and so he'd felt a responsibility to ensure that she was okay. That was all he had planned; he had just wanted to check on her.
Watching her disappear through an obscure hidden hatch into a dimly lit inner corridor had confused him. He had squeezed through himself before realizing that it was really an old repair passage. He had followed her by sound, and then had come out behind her in the blackened compartment. There hadn't been much light, but from what there was he could see her expression was desolate. He hadn't been able to just sit there and watch her; he'd had to do something.
Remembering those first days after Zak's death, when they had been arranging the funeral and coping with his loss, he had treasured those few times when she had just sat down next to him and… sat. No words of comfort could touch the pain they had each been in, so they hadn't tried. They had just… been there. That was all he'd planned to do for her… just be there.
He hadn't expected her to move closer to him, or to reach out and take his hand in hers. It had been the surprise as much as anything else that had driven home all he had lost. His brother had been dead for two years, but now so was his mother, and his aunt, and all the cousins that he'd dreaded visiting on holidays as a child. They were gone – either vaporized or dying in the radiated remains of Caprica. Everyone, and everything, was gone.
Except that it wasn't. He still had his father, and he also had one good friend. There was an old Caprican saying that if you had one true friend, you didn't need any others. He had always believed that. So intent had he been on his career that Lee hadn't been a social person growing up. He hadn't made friends often or easily, and those he did make he usually intimidated or alienated in some way. He had gotten used to just having Zak, whom he supposed had to put up with him because they shared the same blood. After losing Zak, Lee had kept himself even more apart. He hadn't wanted to hurt again. But he had gotten occasional letters from Kara to check up on him, and he had answered with the casual details of what he was doing and how he was. She had done the same, and somehow in all the correspondence a friendship had deepened. He'd heard about her lousy choices in boyfriends, her frustrations with her CAG, and her love of flying for his father. He had griped about the jerks he'd dated, whined that the War College was going to hell around him, and had wondered at how excited his mother was about her new boyfriend. They had commiserated on paper as neither could do face-to-face.
But they were face to face, now. And commiserating wasn't all they had been doing. Damn-it, he hadn't even thought that this could happen. But when her fingers had threaded through his, squeezing gently in silent support, he had finally been able to let go just a little. The world was over, everyone he knew or loved was dead, and they had the most uncertain future that could be imagined. Added to this, he was now Commander of the Air Group, putting him in place of one of the respected dead, and giving him responsibilities he was neither prepared for nor competent in. The pressure of it all had just… squeezed out. Kara hadn't laughed, or lectured, or told him to buck-up and be a good little soldier. She had just let him cry, and somehow it had helped.
But when it had been over, and her head had come to rest on his shoulder, he had needed to thank her. The kiss had just been intended for friendship – thanks given for a wonderful gift both offered and received. And then Kara had blown it all to hell and back because she had returned the kiss.
One thing Lee had learned in the past was that battle of any kind tended to give him an adrenaline rush that was pure and intense, whether in a verbal argument, a physical fight, or a Viper battle. The high was unbelievable, and the drop afterwards was exhausting. And then after that, there came the annoying need to prove himself alive. Yesterday, Lee had looked at death coming towards him. He had known he would die, and had been resigned to it, if not happy about it. Oh Lords, he had thought, my father will lose his last son, and I never even told him I was wrong.
And then Kara had been there, and flashing through his world she had kept him safe and brought him home. The adrenaline level had been intoxicating, and the drop afterwards had been dismal. And after that… after that, she had kissed him back.
Lee had often thought that life would be a hell of a lot easier if men weren't ruled at least somewhat by their crotch. He was better at hiding it than some were, but when a pretty woman walked by there were parts of his anatomy that stood up and took notice, regardless of how he felt professionally or emotionally on the issue. It didn't mean that he acted on the impulses, but they were there. He was human after all. But when Kara had kissed him back – full, beautiful lips moving smoothly against his – every survival instinct he had was pushed to the fore.
She had been so soft, and sweet, and she had tasted so good. God, she'd been willing. And that was what he had needed – the physical release that could be found in a willing body. Yet not only was she willing, but she was damned near perfect physically. Every part of her had seemed to fit every part of him with no gaps or discomfort. She hadn't argued as he'd undressed her, but instead she had fumbled right along with him until they could get enough clothing clear to enjoy one another. And oh, enjoy he did. When he had plunged inside her, the world had stopped for just a moment, as he'd found himself exactly where he had needed to be without even knowing it. And when she had come apart, her body tugging at his, any thought of prolonging their encounter had been cut off as he went off like a rocket, complete with the vertigo and disorientation that inevitably followed.
He had tried not to crush her, but that was as far as his thoughts had been able to reach. And when she had smiled at him, cutting off any thoughts of apology or explanation, he had been lost. He had let her pull him down, had tugged her close to him, and in mere seconds it seemed he had followed her into sleep.
Which brought him to this moment, when waking up in a friend's arms was more than a little uncomfortable. If it had been any other quick lay, he might have been able to sneak off through the still open hatch – Lords, they hadn't even closed the hatch; anyone could have seen – and tried to face her with some form of nonchalance at work. But it was Kara, and she deserved better than to wake up naked and alone in an abandoned compartment. He had started this. He would finish it.
He hadn't even managed to get his pants off. It was an embarrassing thought. While she had kicked off running shoes so that he could get her sweats free and he had enjoyed the feel of her legs wrapped around his hips as she pulled him in even closer, he had not been able to get his own duty pants down past his combat boots. So there he was, cold on a metal floor with his pants around his ankles, his belt digging into one hip – that would likely bruise – and a warm, willing, wonderful woman laying almost on top of him.
God, she looked so sweet when she slept. All that energy toned down into an innocent expression that he knew was a lot closer to reality than the mask she showed everyone else. He had seen her with Zak – relaxed and laughing and so very gentle – so he knew what she really was on the inside.
Oh good Lords, Zak! He'd slept with Zak's girl. That thought was just now hitting him, sending a blush through his body that warmed him more thoroughly than Kara was managing. He was supposed to care for her, protect her, and yes maybe love her. But as a sister. He wasn't supposed to… Dear Lords, what had he been thinking? How could he have let himself…?
But she hadn't seemed to mind. He had even offered her an out, but she hadn't taken it. She had been as involved in whatever it was – emotion or reaction or whatever the hell – as he had been. And frak, it had felt good. Not just physically, but… something else. He hadn't held anything back with her. He hadn't wanted to. Even afterwards, when he'd known he should ease himself away and get the rest of his clothes back on, just holding her had been more important. They had both been going non-stop for three days; it was no wonder they had collapsed.
But what now? Sweetly cuddled into his arms, she was lovely to look at, and she was the only thing keeping the chill of the floor and the air at bay, but what the hell was she going to say when she woke with the man who was essentially her big brother nearly nude and wrapped around her? And his body had taken notice of that situation, rising to the opportunity as it had the night before. Thankfully, he was far more in control today.
Today. What time was it? Shifting his arm slightly, he looked at the lighted dial on his watch. They had duty in a couple of hours. They had been sleeping almost eight, if he'd kept any awareness of time while he'd broken down. He was pretty sure he had. He had a thing for time, able to count off seconds without losing pace. It was one of the things that made him good in a Viper; he could mentally calculate the distance, angle, and time to hit a moving target. He didn't know where the skill had come from. It had always been there.
When she shifted in his arms, he tensed. He wasn't ready to let go, and yet he knew there was work to be done, and there was a piper to pay. Unable to resist, he leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead while her eyes were still closed. He didn't know if he'd be able to face her once they opened.
And then they did. While the color was hidden by the darkness, Lee could definitely see the flutter of eyelids and the tension of her features. He would have liked to have had a better look. She had the most expressive eyes he'd ever seen, and he knew that if he could get a look he would have a lot better idea of where to go with this, and what she needed him to do.
Her arms tightened minutely. "Hey," she said in a gravelly, sexy voice. Her voice was always low, always just a little sexy. It always had been. A bedroom voice, Zak had called it, and Lee cut that thought off before it could even really form. He had enough to deal with at the moment without adding intense guilt to the mix.
"Hey," he answered. Great conversation. But it was the one thing he could say when he had no clue what else to offer.
"You cold?" she asked, nuzzling into his neck and placing a soft kiss at its base. Damned, but that felt really good.
"A little," he admitted. "You?"
"My back is," she said, and almost involuntarily his arms began moving, his hands rubbing up and down her back in an effort to warm her. He saw the wide expanse of her smile as she lifted her head. "You have to be freezing. I can't even walk on these floors in bare feet."
He smiled back. There was no use denying it. Not only was he cold, but he was stiff, and beginning to feel the muscles that the previous day's accident had wrenched about.
"I need clothes," she muttered, and her smile faltered just a bit as she pushed up on him and looked around. She was most likely feeling a few sore spots herself. She reached with one hand, sat up and self-consciously pulled her bra into place. Next came the shirt, which was inside out. Lee didn't even really remember removing the garments, but he remembered nuzzling beneath them, desperate for the taste of her.
Her attention was on finding her sweats now, and he was grateful. The moment she shifted from his legs, he pulled up his underwear and pants, shoving his stiff length inside and thinking that a zipper would have been a hell of a lot easier than buttons. He had his belt buckled and was reaching for his undershirts by the time she started putting on her shoes. And then it was done. Both were dressed, the stolen moment was over, and they were faced with what had happened.
"Lee," she began, but he cut her off.
"Don't," he pleaded. "Look, I'm sorry things got out of hand. Really. I just…" He took a deep breath before continuing. "I have no clue what happened. I mean, I remember, but as for why…"
"It's okay," she informed him. "I think we both needed it. It's been… a hell of a few days."
"Yeah," he agreed.
"I'd been climbing the walls for hours," she told him. "I couldn't sleep, couldn't turn my head off… so thank you. You got my mind off… everything."
He had to smile at her. "It was good to be of service," he said with a small smile. "But I should be thanking you."
"Was I that good?" she said in a wry voice as she checked around to be sure they hadn't dropped anything in their haste to dress – or undress.
"You don't need to fish for compliments," he told her honestly. "You were amazing."
Her smile was shy, but he couldn't see if she had blushed at the comment. Knowing her, she probably had. And she'd probably disembowel him if she thought he'd seen it.
"When are you back on shift?" she asked, clearly trying to change the subject even as she did her best to straighten clothes that she had hastily put on.
"I took early watch," he told her. "You're there, too."
"Great, what's the drill today?"
He sighed but his heart wasn't in it. "The first order of business is putting back together those two Vipers you decided to smash."
"I guess you would have rather taken on a base star with no engines or weapons?" she asked wryly. "Cool. Next time I'll know. My back hurts like hell, and I could really use less aggravation." She said the last with a mild punch to his arm, clearly a joke as he'd seen her right hook and it was something to fear.
"I appreciated the save," he told her softly, and he genuinely meant it. They had stood up while dressing, and were already moving towards the hatch that led into the repair corridor.
She shrugged, but she didn't turn around. He heard her voice change slightly as she cleared her throat, her guard coming back up he supposed, whereas before she had been relaxed and natural. He had a lot of experience in dealing with her armor – she had been known for it when she'd been teaching at the Academy. "I guess I'm evened out now," she muttered. "Kill one Adama, save another. It's all about balance."
He stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. "You didn't kill Zak," Lee told her, and he couldn't decide why it was so important that she understand. "He did that all by himself. You may have contributed to his choices, but you didn't kill him."
"Is that what you told your father?" she asked sarcastically, her voice shaking slightly but whether from fury or some other emotion he wasn't sure. "Oh, no, that's not right. You called your father a murderer and didn't speak to him for two years. Now I remember."
"Kara…"
"Stop."
"No! We need to get this straight."
"It's already straight," she corrected. "Lee, we're not talking about this."
"Why not?"
"Because it's been over for two years," she said, and her voice was cracking. He wished that he could see her face clearly, but he had turned to face her and his back was to the light with her standing in his shadow. "He's been gone for two years, and he's not coming back. It's over."
"Is it?"
"It has to be," she said simply.
"Then why did you tell me? Why did it matter so much?"
She closed her eyes before she answered. "That's an easy one. I didn't think I'd be coming back. I figured it was better for you to hate someone who was dead than to hate your own father. He'd already lost one son; he doesn't need to lose you too."
"So this is about my dad?" he asked.
"It's not about anything," she said with a sigh. "Lee, I need a shower, and something to eat, and then we're both on duty. We can tear each other apart some other time. Right now I just want to get on with my day. It had a great start, but it looks like it'll be downhill from here on out. I may as well get it over with."
"It was a good start," he agreed, surprising himself. She was giving him the opportunity he could only have hoped for, and he wasn't entirely ready to let her do it. He hadn't started a morning so well in a hell of a long time, and she deserved to know that.
"But it won't happen again," she told him simply. "It can't. There's too much… Lee, it's too screwed up between us. It wouldn't work, and I don't feel like getting my heart broken."
"So I'd break yours?" he asked softly.
"Or I'd break yours," she said with a shrug. "Same difference. But yeah, you'd probably break mine. You left a trail all across Caprica of sweet little co-eds that couldn't hold your interest. I won't be a notch."
"So we're supposed to forget it happened?" he asked. It had been what he wanted. Why in hell was her suggestion bothering him? He was sure it was her reference to his less than selective past, but he wasn't going to let her bait him. Yes, he'd been fairly free with physical encounters, but he'd had his reasons. It was easier to have sex with someone than to talk to them, and he had been lonely a lot of the time. Kara wouldn't understand that, though. She had always made friends so easily.
"That would be best," she told him. Then, brushing her bangs out of her face with both hands, she added, "Damn-it Lee, I enjoyed last night. I don't want to ruin it this morning.
He looked at her a long moment, trying to find her logic and to see what she was trying to tell him. It wasn't easy. Aside from the dim light, her expression wasn't anything he recognized, either from knowing her as a friend or from working with her. He chalked it up to the mysteries of the female mind and let it be. "I don't either," he told her. "There's no reason we can't stay professional on the deck."
She finally smiled. Lee was amazed at the relief that washed over him as she did so. The smile was pure Kara: wide, generous, and full of mischief. "I have never been professional on the deck," she informed him in no uncertain terms. "I'll be damned if I'm going to start now."
He couldn't look at her wide-eyed amusement and not smile back. "Point taken," he admitted. Then, extending his hand, "Friends?"
She looked at his hand for a long moment, not reaching for it. He began to feel more than a little silly standing there with his hand out, but he would have felt worse pulling it back in. Finally Kara took a step forward, took his hand in both of hers, and leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. "Thank you," she whispered in his ear.
She squeezed his hand once before letting go and turning to leave. "Kara?"
She looked back over her shoulder at him, and she waited.
"You're welcome," he told her softly. And when she turned her back to ease back down the repair shaft, he knew she was smiling.