Chapter Sixteen
Devin had managed to wait until the end of his report to the Council before asking what had become almost a standard question for him. Unfortunately, the Council gave their by now standard answer.
"We are still in negotiations with the C'lasi government. When an agreement has been reached, you will be notified. You must remain patient and trust in the Force."
"Yes, Masters. Thank you, Masters." Devin managed to keep his tone respectful, but only just. If his Padawan hadn't been standing only a foot away, he might have indulged in some very unJedi like remarks, but at the last moment he remembered that he was supposed to be a role model. After six months he was getting very tired of being patient. The Force he trusted without hesitation. It was the rest of the galaxy he occasionally had doubts about. He gave a shallow bow to the Council. "Come, Padawan."
Kyran stood up from the bench he'd been sitting on the past several hours while Devin reported to the Council. "Well? " He asked anxiously. "Have they heard any news yet?"
"Be patient. Trust in the Force," growled out Devin, knowing full well that was the same answer given when Kyran asked the Council about Qui-Gon. "Jalei, you're on your own for a few hours. Meet me at practice room twenty-three at our regular time."
With a bow, the girl left. She was worried for her Master. As of late he hadn't been sleeping well and Jalei could guess the reason why. Knight Jinn had now been missing for six months and the Council was steadily working on trying to trying to get the C'lasi government to cooperate. She hurried to find her friend Jayla, thoughts of what her master's best friend might be going through clouding her mind as she did
"Trust the Force?" Kyran echoed. "That was all they said?" He shook his head in frustration. For months the Council had been steeped in negotiations with C'lasi trying to get them to let in a Jedi team to examine Duursema, the prisoner they claimed was an assassin but they'd been met with dead ends at every turn. He bowed his head in guilt. How much of this could have been prevented if he'd just followed orders like he'd been asked?
"Do they ever say anything else? Come on, I need to burn off some of this before I teach Jalei this afternoon. Get you gear and meet in twenty-three, okay?" Devin gave Kyran a gentle push in the direction of his quarters. Hopefully the workout would also help distract Kyran from the guilt that had been eating at him since word of Qui-Gon's disappearance had reached him.
Kyran frowned at Devin. "I really don't feel like a workout today, Devin. I think I need to go meditate." He tried lamely.
"But I do. I'm too jumpy to be effective teaching. Don't worry, I won't go that hard on you. Fifteen minutes, room twenty three," insisted Devin. He thought to himself, enough brooding for today, my friend.
Kyran sighed. "Fine. I'll be there." //I heard that.//
"I meant you to," grinned Devin.
Kyran made a face at his friend and punched him lightly on the arm. "Thanks a lot. I'll be ready."
Fifteen minutes later, both men were stretching out, loosening muscles before they began their sparing match. A brief nod of agreement was all it took for both of them to walk to the center of the room and ignite their lightsabers. As they moved through a standard warm up, Devin unobtrusively studied his friend. The dark circles under his eyes had become almost normal part of his features, they had been there so long. His face had a haggard look to it, from both worry and weight loss. Devin wondered a moment when the last time he had seen Kyran eat anything except bread and weak tea. "How's your stomach doing recently?"
Kyran shrugged. "As well as can be expected." He bit his bottom lip, thoughts of Qui-Gon trying to intrude on his mind. His friend should be there with them sparring and lightly enjoying conversation--but instead where was he? Who knew what horrors he was enduring at Gaikusan's hands while he sat on his own and carried out business as usual.
Devin saw his friend's attention drift slightly. Dropping to the floor, he swung his legs out hard, catching Kyran across the back the knees. As Kyran fell, Devin rolled onto his own knees, bringing his lightsaber around to rest inches away from Kyran's throat. "Yield?"
Kyran sighed and extinguished his saber. "Yes. I just can't seem to focus properly today." His voice went low to a whisper. "I should've gone with him. He asked me and I refused."
"I know. But obsessing over the past won't change it. As you know. It's been six months and still the guilt, fear and anger is tearing you up inside. Its time to let it go and focus on what you can do. Go to one of the soul healers, Kyran. They can help you. That's what they do." Devin's voice was gentle. Rather than get to his feet, he put away his own saber and sat next to Kyran on the floor.
"He never asks for help. Even when he needs it. Do you know what it must've taken him to ask me to help him, especially when I was upset with him--and I didn't. I basically left him to die on his own. What kind of friend am I that would do such a thing?" His voice cracked slightly but he took a breath trying to control himself.
"So why did you? Straight and plain, what was your reasoning for refusing the mission?" The question was blunt, but Devin kept the gentle tone. He needed to get Kyran past this guilt, or he would be lost to despair. That could lead him to Darkness as easily as anger or hate.
"I ... don't know anymore. I thought it was the right thing to do." He stammered out. "But ...now I just don't know.
"What was right about?" persisted Devin. No judgement, just a quest for information. Devin might not be the Order's best negotiator, but he was far from the worst. This situation was far more important to him than any trade dispute.
"I ...thought he needed to learn--but at what cost? The whole reason I wanted him to go by himself was so that he would learn to avoid reckless mistakes that might get him killed...but..what if the effect was just the opposite.. I sentenced him to pain and..." He broke off unable to bring himself to say anything else.
"You were concerned about Qui-Gon's future. You were very focused on it. What did the Force tell you?" Devin knew that Kyran was not strong in seeing visions of possible futures, but all Jedi could get a sense of things to come if they concentrated enough.
"Something will happen if he continues the path he has--defying orders. Either for the Order or himself or both, I wasn't sure which. I only thought to protect him by trying to get him to see his error..but..." He trailed off.
"Something?" asked Devin.
"I don't know exactly--just this picture of fear and terror for the future came to me once during a meditation session. I wasn't sure exactly what was going to happen but it centered on Qui-Gon and his defiance. I don't know what else to say..."
"So you were seeking to prevent that by getting Qui-Gon to change his behavior?" asked Devin.
"Yes. That was my intent." He pulled his knees to his chest and looked rather like a lost little boy, confused and hurting.
Devin wrapped his arm around his friend, pulling him close. He knew he was heading towards thin ice, but this had to be brought out into the open. It had festered too long, in his opinion. "Your intent was good, your methods need work. How were you feeling when you decided you needed to distance yourself from Qui-Gon in order to get him to see the need for him to change his ways."
Kyran sighed and a stray tear slipped down his cheek. "Anger and fear," he mumbled so quietly it was almost unintelligible.
Relief filled Devin. Admission was the first step, now for the second. "You must accept this and release it. You have been trying on your own and failing. Go to the Soul Healers, Kyran."
"No. I just need to meditate and release it into the Force." He sighed deeply and got to his knees intending to get up from the floor.
Devin grabbed his shoulder stopping him. "I agree that's what you need, but you can't do it on your own. There's no shame in asking for help when you need it."
"So you think I'm incapable of my duties as a knight, is that what you're saying? Because as a knight that's my responsibility when I get upset."
"More anger and fear, Kyran. Listen to yourself, listen to how you attack both me and yourself with those accusations. You've lost your center, Kyran." Devin responded quietly.
Kyran wrenched free of Devin's grip and stood straight. " I have. Now I must regain it. Will you meditate with me?"
"Whenever you need me to, I will. But I'm not the one who can best help you. Why won't you go to those that can? You were quick enough to get Jayla to the Soul Healers when she started having nightmares."
"That was different. Jayla is a padawan and still needs instruction. Please Devin just help me." He pleaded.
"I am, but that help is to get you to those that know how to assist you in dealing with your problems. Think they are there for just padawans? They see alot more knights and masters, because those are the ones who most have the need. Look me in the eyes, Kyran, and tell me that you haven't tried every meditation trick you know in the past few months. Then tell me you've been living on more than bread and antacids. Don't let your pride and stubbornness destroy you. If I lost you, too . . . " Devin stopped abruptly at the sudden flash of pain in Kyran's face. "I'm sorry."
Kyran looked away nausea from guilt starting to get to him again at the pain of Devin's words. Due to his pride and stubbornness Qui-Gon could die. Very quietly he mumbled, "Alright. I'll go."
"Thank you." Devin stood, clasping his hand on Kyran's shoulder. "Now that's been dealt with, want to go another round?"
"Not really. " Kyran replied putting his hand to his stomach. He felt queasy. Another round of sparring was the last thing he wanted. He glanced up at a knock on the door wondering who would come interrupt their "sparring."
Devin flicked off the privacy light for the door and admitted a young Wookiee. With a respectful growl, the padawan asked the two masters to report to the Council chambers.
"We'll change and be there as soon as we can," said Devin.
Kyran frowned as the padawan left. "When did you turn on the privacy light? We're not a couple of padawans-in-training. There certainly was no need for that."
Devin flushed slightly. "I didn't just bring you here to spar. Didn't you wonder why I had the practice room reserved this early in the afternoon instead of us going to the main gym like we usually do?"
Kyran shook his head. It was a sign of how preoccupied with Qui-Gon's disappearance he'd been that his friend had been so easily able to do that without him noticing. "I see. Well I suggest we go see what the Council wants."
"Then the Soul healers?"
Kyran sighed deeply but he had promised. He nodded his once in agreement.
*****
Devin and Kyran stood in front of the Council. Both knew that it had to do with Qui-Gon, the question was would the news be good or bad. It was impossible to tell from the expressions of the Council. With much effort, both waited for the Council to address them.
Without waiting for preliminaries Mace Windu stared at his two friends and then leaned back in his seat. "The government of C'lasi has agreed after extensive negotiations to allow the Jedi to send a team to examine Avril Duursema, the man they claim is an assassin."
"When do we leave?" asked Kyran. There was no doubt in his mind who would go.
"Immediately. This window of time is open only for the next four days. If we do not arrive by their deadline then they will not allow us on planet."
"Furthermore, they have put an additional conditions on the examination. Only a single Jedi is allowed to meet with Avril Duursema, the examination will take place under supervision in the prison Tuvlat, and is limited to ten minutes. " added Eeth Koth.
Kyran and Devin glanced at each other. "Only one of us?" Kyran echoed.
"Yes. The Council has decided that both of you will travel to C'lasi, but only one of you is permitted to disembark from the ship. Although the final decision will be yours, we recommend Master Josel as his is the stronger bond," answered Mace.
Kyran didn't say anything. Lately he'd felt as though his bond with Qui-Gon was anything but strong. He hadn't felt anything but silence from it in so long. Devin had been the one to tell him that Qui-Gon was still alive. "We will leave for C'lasi immediately." He bowed.