Fox: And we're back. It took a lot of effort and tears, but we managed to
get Meryl back towards the First Union Centre.
Campbell: Effort from me and tears from our SWAT Team.
Fox: Okay, she's tougher than they thought. But the good thing is that she's all netted up and on her way here.
Campbell: Electrified net?
Fox: But of course.
Campbell: And of course, we have Olga all kitted up and ready to go in the arena.
Fox: Where?
Campbell: Right there. In the ring.
Fox: What, behind the Russian dude with the combats?
Campbell: (furrows brow and sighs) That is Olga.
Fox: Ew, but she's got underarm hair!
Campbell: A lifetime of service to the Russian army will make any woman neglect her pits. I read that in a "Little Facts Of Life Book."
Fox: Hey! Lemme see that! (Grabs book)
Campbell: Anyway, I think Meryl has just arrived in the parking lot...
Fox: Heh, "One should never trust someone who says he's your uncle but actually isn't related to you." If only I had this book when I was 12!
Campbell: Yes, the world would no doubt be a less traumatised place. Anyway, can we get a camera down there?
(Scene switches to parking lot. Helicopter flies in, parks, and its sliding side door opens. Meryl is dragged out in a net)
Meryl: Fuck off, you bastards! You're all dirty bastards!
Campbell: We apologise for the strong language, but we have to remember that Meryl is currently in a very fragile state of mind after her break up. (Presses button)
Meryl: (Net is electrified) ARRGGHHH!!! THE PAIN!!!!
Campbell: But she'll be immediately escorted by Seal Team 10 to the Deathmatch ring. While we're waiting, can I get your thoughts on the outcome of tonight's match Fox?
Fox: "Looking inside a Big Mac just before you eat it is socially and morally wrong." I hear that!
Campbell: Okay, maybe later. What we can get is an interview with the legendary Solid Snake! Over to our interviewer, whomever she may be.
(Scene switches to the Deathmatch Gym)
Raiden: Hi Roy!
Campbell: Oh God... Didn't Snake shoot you in the groin?
Raiden: Yeah, but I've been recovering slowly thanks to a true stealth master. And so, without further ado, I introduce you to... Sam Fisher!
Campbell: What happened to Snake?
Fisher(in a wheelchair): It's an honour to be here again, Raiden.
Raiden: Please, call me Jack. Now, you won Deathmatch's first ever Main Event despite breaking your neck in the process. What was that like?
Fisher: It was great. I truly showed that poncy arsewipe who's the best stealther in the business.
Raiden: You sure did. And now, under your tutelage, I'm hoping to be just as great as you some day!
Fisher: I wouldn't be too hopeful kid.
Campbell: What main stretches have you been working on?
Fisher: Well, obviously I can't do much, but I've been helping Jack here to loosen up his groin muscles in order to execute a split-jump.
Raiden: That bullet was a blessing in disguise!
Fox: Very interesting, but do you think it's wise to taunt Snake like this? He's very pissed off at the moment.
Fisher: So what? I hear Vercetti and Rockstar Inc. are gonna punch his ticket soon anyway.
Campbell: Well, we'll see. Thank you for your time, guys.
Fox: And thank you Raiden, too.
Campbell (back in the commentary box): And I hear the match is just about to start.
Fox: Don't go away, we're comin' right back!
Campbell: Effort from me and tears from our SWAT Team.
Fox: Okay, she's tougher than they thought. But the good thing is that she's all netted up and on her way here.
Campbell: Electrified net?
Fox: But of course.
Campbell: And of course, we have Olga all kitted up and ready to go in the arena.
Fox: Where?
Campbell: Right there. In the ring.
Fox: What, behind the Russian dude with the combats?
Campbell: (furrows brow and sighs) That is Olga.
Fox: Ew, but she's got underarm hair!
Campbell: A lifetime of service to the Russian army will make any woman neglect her pits. I read that in a "Little Facts Of Life Book."
Fox: Hey! Lemme see that! (Grabs book)
Campbell: Anyway, I think Meryl has just arrived in the parking lot...
Fox: Heh, "One should never trust someone who says he's your uncle but actually isn't related to you." If only I had this book when I was 12!
Campbell: Yes, the world would no doubt be a less traumatised place. Anyway, can we get a camera down there?
(Scene switches to parking lot. Helicopter flies in, parks, and its sliding side door opens. Meryl is dragged out in a net)
Meryl: Fuck off, you bastards! You're all dirty bastards!
Campbell: We apologise for the strong language, but we have to remember that Meryl is currently in a very fragile state of mind after her break up. (Presses button)
Meryl: (Net is electrified) ARRGGHHH!!! THE PAIN!!!!
Campbell: But she'll be immediately escorted by Seal Team 10 to the Deathmatch ring. While we're waiting, can I get your thoughts on the outcome of tonight's match Fox?
Fox: "Looking inside a Big Mac just before you eat it is socially and morally wrong." I hear that!
Campbell: Okay, maybe later. What we can get is an interview with the legendary Solid Snake! Over to our interviewer, whomever she may be.
(Scene switches to the Deathmatch Gym)
Raiden: Hi Roy!
Campbell: Oh God... Didn't Snake shoot you in the groin?
Raiden: Yeah, but I've been recovering slowly thanks to a true stealth master. And so, without further ado, I introduce you to... Sam Fisher!
Campbell: What happened to Snake?
Fisher(in a wheelchair): It's an honour to be here again, Raiden.
Raiden: Please, call me Jack. Now, you won Deathmatch's first ever Main Event despite breaking your neck in the process. What was that like?
Fisher: It was great. I truly showed that poncy arsewipe who's the best stealther in the business.
Raiden: You sure did. And now, under your tutelage, I'm hoping to be just as great as you some day!
Fisher: I wouldn't be too hopeful kid.
Campbell: What main stretches have you been working on?
Fisher: Well, obviously I can't do much, but I've been helping Jack here to loosen up his groin muscles in order to execute a split-jump.
Raiden: That bullet was a blessing in disguise!
Fox: Very interesting, but do you think it's wise to taunt Snake like this? He's very pissed off at the moment.
Fisher: So what? I hear Vercetti and Rockstar Inc. are gonna punch his ticket soon anyway.
Campbell: Well, we'll see. Thank you for your time, guys.
Fox: And thank you Raiden, too.
Campbell (back in the commentary box): And I hear the match is just about to start.
Fox: Don't go away, we're comin' right back!