AN: I don't own any of these characters or their wonderfully quirky traits
except for my originals. That's all. Lovely reading all!
Meetings with the Dead
She was breathing hard, tossing the covers as she turned back and forth in her bed. The layer of sweat glistening on her forehead belied her troubled dreams as easily as the pained moans that escaped her every few minutes. The only truly comprehensible sound was the word, 'Spike,' being repeated over and over as the heat of the dream consumed her mind.
The light rapping at her bedroom door was just enough to pull the slayer from her troubled sleep, and Buffy opened bleary eyes to find her sister standing in the doorway, a mug of steaming liquid in her hands. The distressed look in Dawn's eyes was enough to prompt Buffy to attempt a smile, and she reached up to wipe the sweat from her brow and to attempt to tame her hair. Making space for herself on the bed, Dawn perched next to her sister and handed her the mug.
"I made you some tea," she mentioned, albeit a bit too cheerfully. "There's ginger root mixed in, that's good for calminess."
Buffy eyed the brew before sipping lightly, and a contented sigh escaped her lips as the hot brew slid down her throat, easing the muscles there.
"Willow taught you well." Another sip and she continued,
"What are your plans for today?"
Dawn toyed with the end of one of her long braids, casting her eyes downward as she racked her brain before answering.
"Well, my Art History class starts at ten. We're studying Greek urns right now, and I took a few pictures and emailed them to Willow and she thinks they might be these incredibly rare pitchers that were used to hold Holy Water in Apollo's Temple and she says we may be able to use them to..." Noticing the slightly amused, though bored smile on the slayer's face, she broke off that subject.
"And you don't care so I'll continue with the 'To Do' list instead. After class I'm meeting Micha and Amelie at the fountain and we're going a street market in Sterboholy. Hopefully I'll be able to find a painting to hang over the settee in the sunroom that won't cost me out my ears, but who knows. It'll be worth the experience anyways."
Buffy nodded and readjusted herself on the bed, tucking one leg beneath her as Dawn continued,
"They wanted me to ask you if you wanted to come? There's supposed to be an estate sale going on this weekend, and with how much you like old books, I'm sure you could find something. Besides, I don't know if I'd be comfortable with you hanging around here all by yourself today. Not after last night."
Seeing the protest forming on her older sister's lips she held up her hand,
"Buffy, admit it. The nightmares aren't going to go away by dwelling on them. You need to get out of this apartment and do something other than write in your notebooks, because despite their helpfulness in venting your feelings, they are just another way to dwell on the fact that Spike is gone and he is not coming back. That's not going to help you." She moved closer to her sister and put her arms around her, allowing Buffy's head to rest on her shoulder, her tears darkening the fabric of Dawn's stylish pink sweater.
"He sacrificed himself for you, Buffy, so that you would be happy. He wouldn't want you still be moping around after all this time. He'd want you to move on. Want you to be happy." Buffy nodded into Dawn's shoulder before pulling away and giving her sister a forced smile. The tears still lingered but Dawn could tell that they had subsided, and that the slayer half of Buffy was controlling her feelings now. She glanced at her watch and then stood up from the bed.
"Ok, so I need to go to class now, but if you'd like to come with us, we're meeting at the fountain at one." She moved to leave but turned back to her sister.
"I hope you come."
Then she was gone and Buffy was left alone in her bed, her younger sister's words ringing through her head. 'Be happy...be happy...be happy...' Except she couldn't be happy, couldn't be content without him with her, and that was never going to happen again.
She pulled the covers off her legs and stood before walking slowly to the window and throwing the drapes open. The warm sun was welcome on her cool skin and she placed her hand to the windowpane, taking in the view of the beautiful city below. It surprised even her, the extent of her emotions the last few weeks, but they always seemed worse this time of year. There were four days left until the anniversary of the destruction of Sunnydale, the closing of the Hellmouth, and Spike's self-sacrifice and that was all she could think about. It was like he had said to her so many years ago, just after she had been brought back from the dead. Every night she relived it, and each time she was faster, cleverer, more convincing. She talked him into leaving the amulet there and they escaped together, or she stayed with him and added her power to his to destroy the Hellmouth, or she found a way to transfer the energy from the amulet to reform him after he had dusted. But whatever the means, or the ending, one thing always remained the same: He believed her. When she told him that she loved him, he believed her.
()()()()()()()()()
The fountain was bustling when she arrived, and across the courtyard she saw Dawn and her two friends laughing and joking about something or other, and couldn't help but smile. As she began to walk towards them she studied the other two students slightly, taking in their ever-stylish appearances and good looks.
Amelie's cropped brown hair was constantly falling into her eyes, and the navy blue highlights laced within gave it a unique look that matched her edgy sense of style. Today was no exception as she was dressed in a pair of black jeans with a yellow skull and crossbones tank and black fishnet on top.
Micha, on the other hand, looked fresh pressed and spotless par the usual. His black hair was kept short and he styled it into fashionable spikes that matched well with his sandblasted jeans, vintage Ramones t-shirt, and leather jacket. And as always, Dawn looked polished, yet somewhat edgy, in her dark jeans, black tank top, pink sweater, and combat boots.
Dawn looked up then and saw her, and giving a small wave, ran to meet her. She grasped her older sister's hands and leaned her forehead against her sister's telling her, "I'm glad you came," as their eyes met. She turned then and pulled Buffy to where Micha and Amelie still stood.
"Guys, you remember my sister right? She didn't get a lot of sleep last night so she might seem a little out of it, but we're used to that aren't we?" Dawn poked her sister in the side and she jumped slightly, a small, slightly annoyed smile playing on her lips. The other two students nodded at her and smiled brightly. Micha took the opportunity to move next to Buffy and put his arm around her, starting her down the street in the correct direction. She walked slowly, glancing back once to peer closely at a blue and white striped awning, but then realized her mistake and turned back to Micha's earnest questions.
Amelie and Dawn could hear faint parts of their conversation about the best years for binding, what type of print was better, what was the best publishing company in the 19th century and so forth, and they giggled.
"You'd better watch it Dawnie. From the looks of things, your sister has the monopoly on things in common with him..." She teased before catching up with the 'couple.' Dawn just shook her head before joining them as well. Micha had asked her out after a painting class a few years ago, and they had quickly started dating for real. Going on three years now, she had absolutely no fear that Buffy would steal him away, and it amused her that Amelie loved to tease her so about it.
Seeing that her little sister had rejoined them, Buffy successfully maneuvered herself out from under Micha's arm and moved so that Dawn was next to him instead. Micha grinned devilishly.
"Well then, guess my attempts will have to be put on the easier sister eh?" Dawn just grinned and smacked him. Amelie and Buffy exchanged amused glances and Micha's laughter could be heard as the four rounded a corner toward the outskirts of town.
()()()()()()()()()()
He moved out from his place in the shadows of the Gelato shop's awning and watched them go. Though he knew the man was Dawn's boyfriend and not likely to have any designs on Buffy at all, he couldn't help the stab of jealousy that went through him at seeing Micha's arm go around Buffy, at seeing the young man talking so fervidly with her about something he couldn't quite pick up. The jealousy wasn't from his attention to Buffy however, but at the fact that he could touch her, could talk to her, could laugh with her, and didn't have to worry about dropping dead the moment her eyes came to rest on him.
Though he knew she hadn't seen him, it had been quite a shock when her eyes had locked onto his hiding place as she walked out of the square. Almost like she had known he was there, but couldn't find him. And thank the bloody Powers for that. Not that he didn't want her to see him, want to see the look of astonishment and love on her face as he walked up to her and pulled her tight into his embrace, he'd just rather it wait until this death clause was up. Slinging his bag over his shoulder he turned down the road they had left on, following them to who knows where and he shrugged resignedly. These last four days were going to be the longest of his existence.
()()()()()()()()()
He was following a safe distance behind, enjoying the smiles that continuously played across his love's face. It had been a long time since he'd seen her smile so much, and he reveled in it. The only misfortune was that he wasn't the cause, but the old leather books were a good substitute he figured.
The moment they'd entered the market the quartet had split into pairs, Dawn and Amelie moving off toward the south corner and a stand with dozens of large canvases, while Micha pulled Buffy down the small dirt road towards a stand with hundreds upon hundreds of old books. He'd wished himself the covers as her hands grazed over them lovingly. The young man was continuously picking up volumes and bringing them to her, asking questions about authenticity and years of origin and such, and she willingly answered, displaying a vast knowledge for the old tomes. Micha moved away again, placing one of the novels into his basket and continued to look as Buffy leafed through the books as well. He grinned as he saw the look of hunger come into her eyes before she began to dig through the stack.
()()()()()()()()
There was something under there, something, almost familiar, and she had to find it. She could feel it as she pulled the other volumes off from on top of it, and she yearned to know what it was. Her eyes lit as she pulled the incredibly old leather-bound out from the stacks but her touch to its cover caused her to start. A vision consumed her.
She was sitting beside a lily-pond in the small garden behind their apartment building, pulling her hand through the water, watching in avid wonder as the ripples spread out from where her hand started them. A twig snapped behind her and she turned quickly around, only to have the breath knocked from her as she met the man's eyes.
"Spike..." she whispered, but the disbelief was too great. It was broad daylight and he was standing in a shaft of bright sunlight. The only explanation for his still being whole was that this was a dream. But she reached out her hand anyways, and he came to her willingly, dropping down beside her before clutching her to his chest. She cried softly into his shirt as she held onto him desperately, never wanting to let go. She laid her head against his chest and started to speak when she felt it. A strong, fast pounding, that was coming from beneath his ribcage. She looked up at him then and saw him smile, then he leaned down and whispered into her ear,
"I'm human pet. We can be together now. For real."
She was pulled from the vision as Micha's hand landed on her shoulder. She turned to him and he squealed when he say the old tome clutched in her white knuckled fingers. Too shocked to stop him he pulled it from her grasp and began to examine it closely.
"Oh gosh, look at the aging, and the intricate gold filigree on the binding, and the thick paper stock holding the cover in shape, oh and the amazing detail to this incredible Celtic design on the front cover, oh and what's this... Buffy look! There's a name engraved here in the bottom corner. The last name is kind of hard to make out, but it looks to have belonged to a 'William Freston,' maybe? Lets see what's inside, oh, it's just a bunch of script, oh! Buffy, do you know what you've found?"
Her breath was stuck in her throat and it wouldn't move. Had she heard him properly? Heard the correct name? Or was it her mind talking and making her overly hopeful that she had found something of his? Something from before his destructive days even? But she glanced down at the cover and realized that the name Micha had said was indeed 'William Freston,' and her heart cried out at the thought. Micha's hand landed on her arm and he asked again,
"Buffy, do you know what you've found?" She nodded.
"It's his journal...William's journal."
She gasped slightly at the realization and sighed resignedly. That's what that vision had been about then. Touching something that had belonged to him in his human days was enough to make her conjure him up in her mind as a human. Seeing that Micha was looking at her strangely she smiled at him reassuringly.
"William Freston, didn't he become the one known as 'William the Bloody?' The guy you're always researching?" He asked her as he handed the book back into her grasp. She gave him a weak smile.
"Yeah, he did."
()()()()()()()()()
He had watched her eyes light up as she pulled the book from the stacks, watched her tenderly caress the cover, and flip through a few pages before her eyes glazed over. A pained expression came across her face as the vision tore through her mind. Spike had no idea what was happening however, and was tearing himself apart inside, trying to think of something to do to help her without being seen. Then the man she was with came up to her and she seemed to snap out of it when he took the book from her grasp.
Now with a clear view of the cover he shuddered, understanding that she had been pulled into a vision of him, and understanding why her expression had been so pained. Prague, eh? The journal had still been in his possession during the last battle, so he wondered how it had arrived here, lost in some old fogy's endless collection. Then the reason dawned on him. The Powers would have put it there to tempt her, to tempt him into getting it back. It would also explain why she would have been drawn to it in the first place.
He backed up slightly with his hand pressed to his mouth, to stop the cry that he so wanted to let out. He continued stepping backwards, not really paying attention to where he might be going or whom he might be stepping on until he heard the angered 'OW!' from behind him. He turned to apologize before his eyes widened and he gasped.
The young woman he had bumped into stared up into his eyes, her mouth opening and closing but no audible sound could be heard. Overcoming his shock, he clamped his hand over her mouth to stop her saying his name and quickly pulled her aside so that they were out of sight of Buffy and Micha.
She continued to stare at him, disbelief clouding her features as she took in his appearance. The familiar duster, t-shirt, jeans and combat boots had been traded in for a blue collared shirt and a pair of worn in dark jeans on top of brown shoes. Based on his clothes she never would have believed it was really him, but the hair was still the same, though looser in style so a few sexy curls could escape, and the smile on his face was unmistakable. She put her hand to his face and feeling that his was real, launched herself into his arms, hugging him tightly. His hands rubbed her back comfortingly and he whispered,
"Hello lil' bit. How've you been?" She pulled away from him and started muttering almost indistinguishably.
"Spike...how...why...what are you doing here? Not that it really matters because I'm so happy to see you! But where have you been for the past four years? Why haven't you come to see us? Do you know how upset Buffy is about thinking that you're dead? She cries herself to sleep nearly every night! How could you let her do that? And oh my god, she still doesn't know you're back! I have to go find her, she'll be so happy! Stay right here!"
She turned to run away but he threw out a hand to grab her arm. Turning to look at him, she noticed that his hand was now in the sunlight and he was neither dusted nor in pain. She looked at him questioningly.
"Spike...?" He smiled ironically.
"It would be more appropriate to call me William now, I think."
Dawn gasped and moved back towards him, putting her hand to his heart and he saw her eyes widen even more as she felt the steady beating there. She met his eyes again then.
"Spike...er...William, what..."
"I'm human now pet. Just like you. Well, not just like you really...I have a limitation on my humanity." She looked at him, puzzled at his response.
"What limitation?" He ran his hand through his hair before answering. Then he looked at her very seriously.
"Buffy can NOT know I'm back all right? I'm here on Earth, and I'm human, but she CAN NOT know." Dawn looked at him in disbelief.
"But...why not? It would make her so happy, she'd be so happy..." He cut her off.
"Yes, pet I know. But she can't know. You know what day it is four days from now?" She nodded.
"The anniversary of the defeat of the First."
"That's right. The Powers that be gave me this gift, gave me back my life, as a reward. There's just one catch. Until the end of the fourth year, there's only one person I can never see, never talk to, she can't even 'think' I exist. If she has any idea I'm around, I'll die...again. And I don't really fancy leaving her behind again." Dawn swallowed, trying to take it all in, before nodding at him.
"I got it. Buffy knows, you die. Really don't want that to happen either so I won't tell a soul. But, this is the fourth year right? So on Sunday, the fourth year will be up, and you can come see her right?" He smiled and patted her on the head.
"Yes, on Sunday I can come see you both, and nothing will happen except I'll be a lot happier than I have been in a long, long time. Now go on pet. Your friends will worry about what's keeping you and then my cover really will be blown." She hugged him tightly again before scurrying off to find Amelie.
He let out the breath he didn't know he'd been holding and groaned. Oh Gods that had been close. But no, he'd come too far for it to end now. He very much planned on spending the rest of his life with Buffy come the day, but until then she couldn't know about him or his new form.
()()()()()()()()()()()
The exhausted pair climbed the stairs to their apartment, lugging the humungous canvas up with them. Once inside, Dawn proceeded to hang it on the wall while Buffy went to her room and leaned out the window to watch the sunset, the book she had bought today held in her tight grasp. She ran her hand over the engraving on the cover once more, recognizing it as the scar Spike had carried on his left hip.
She opened the front flap and ran her hand over the binding fastenings, and the patterned paper stock that held the leather securely in place. When her fingers ran over a raised portion she was puzzled and pulling her pocket knife from her boot, she sliced open the cover and gasped when a few papers and an old brass key fell from the book. Dropping to the floor she set the journal aside and picked up the key and papers. She fingered the key for a few minutes before opening the papers and started as she saw that they were each addressed to her, poems, lyrics, short letters. But that was impossible, unless he'd still owned this up to the point of Sunnydale's destruction. She picked the book up again and held it to her chest, the tears starting to leak out, when Dawn knocked on her door.
"Um...Buffy? This just came for you...It's from Giles." She set the large box down on her sister's floor and looked to her expectantly. Buffy nodded.
"Thanks, Dawn." Dawn saw the book in Buffy's hands then and moved to sit beside her.
"What did you find today? Anything good?" She wiped her eyes and handed the book to Dawn whispering,
"It was his. Spike's. Or William's rather. All the way up to the end..." Dawn rubbed her sister's shoulder and then looked back at the box.
"The package is marked 'Fragile,' want me to help you open it?" Buffy nodded.
"Sure, that would be great."
()()()()()()()()()()
There was a letter on top of the packing material and Buffy picked that up, opening it first.
Dear Buffy,
I was sorting through some old boxes from when I had moved some things to England and I came across this one. It's filled with some of Spike's old things, some letters, a book or two, some clothes. Though I don't approve of your affections for him, I thought you might appreciate them. I know how much he meant to you. So they are yours now, to do with what you like and for you to never talk to me about again. I hope to hear from you soon. I'd like to know how things are going for you and Dawn.
Giles
Buffy set the letter down in a slight daze. It was almost too coincidental, finding the journal this morning, then this package arriving tonight. But the coincidences weren't the main things on her mind. She could see the edge of a black t-shirt from beneath the packing peanuts and she reached out her hand to touch it. Dawn's voice brought her back.
"What did he have to say? What's in the box?" Buffy gave the letter to Dawn and pulled the box closer to her, starting to remove the packing peanuts. When she pulled out the t-shirt she held it to her chest and started to cry. Dawn saw her and tried to put her hand on Buffy's shoulder but she shrugged it off.
"Um...Dawn...could I have a little time alone? To go through it all...I'll let you back in here in an hour or so. Could you do that for me?" Though she didn't want to leave her sister alone, she stood and left the room. Buffy turned back to the box.
After the t-shirt came a few of his silk button downs, including the blue one that she'd so loved to see him wear. Then she found a couple of books, Edgar Allen Poe, Emily Dickenson, Jane Austen...she quirked her eyebrows at the last name. There were a few candles, some sketches, a ring or two, but what caught her eye was the beautiful mahogany box buried at the bottom. She pulled it out and tried to open it but found that it was locked. Disappointed, she set it aside and started to look through the books when it dawned on her. The journal, which had been his, had contained an old brass key. The mahogany box had an old brass lock fixture.
With trembling hands she unlocked the box and slowly lifted the lid. Whatever was inside had to be important if he'd locked them away, but what she saw made her gasp. The box was filled with things she'd never seen before. A beautiful onyx ring set in sterling, which she slipped on her left hand almost immediately, marveling at how perfectly it fit her finger. A marble statuette of Athena that was filled with sweet smelling incense. A glimmering broach in the shape of a dragon, with emeralds for eyes and a ruby for its tongue. A long shimmering chain made of some precious metal, with a cross pendant dangling from it. She took that out as well, and as she slipped it around her neck she wondered at what he'd been doing with a cross, even one so beautiful as this. She was almost ready to shut the lid when she realized that the tray she had been looking through lifted out.
What was beneath shocked her greatly, more than anything else had that day. He had loved her, that she knew, he had told her often enough though she sometimes found it hard to believe. But she had never realized just how deep his feelings ran until that moment. In the bottom of the box she found pictures, of her and Dawn, a few of her and Xander or Willow, one with Giles, but the majority of them were just of her. She could tell when most of them had been taken, some from her twenty-first birthday party, a few from a trip she'd taken with Xander and Willow, the one of her and Giles was taken in the Magic Shop, just after he'd returned from England the first time.
She gasped, letting the pictures fall through her fingers as she found the only one that was framed. Taken just after she'd turned twenty, the picture was of her and him, during that strange week where Willow's spell had made them believe they were engaged. She was sitting in his lap, smiling at him, and he was just staring at her in astonishment and what she realized now was love. She took the picture from the box and set it on her bedside table, her hand running over his face lightly.
Turning back to the box she found other things that shocked her. He had a lock of her hair, wrapped in a black silk ribbon, tied to a small velvet box. Nervously she opened it to find a sterling locket with her name engraved on the back. A gift he'd never given her? She set that aside and picked up the sheath of papers beneath. Another gasp escaped her lips as she flipped through the papers, discovering sheet music and lyrics for so many songs. She started to read some of the lyrics and couldn't stop the tears from coursing down her cheeks. They were so poignant, so moving. Beneath the papers she found a cassette tape, and hoping it was what she thought, she quickly popped it into her player. When his voice drifted out of the machine she cried out, ecstatic at hearing his voice again, but so distressed that it was just a recording.
If I could take you away
Pretend you were queen What would you say? Would you think I'm unreal? 'Cause everybody's got their way I should feel
Everybody's talking how I can't be your love But I want to be your love Be your love for real Everybody's talking how I can't be your love But I want to be your love Be your love for real Want to be your everything Everything
Everything's falling, and I am included in that. Oh, how I try, to be just okay. Yeah, but all I ever really wanted, Was a little piece of you.
And everybody's talking how I can't be your love But I want to be your love Be your love for real. Everybody's talking how I can't be your love, But I want to be your love, Be your love for real. Want to be your everything, Everything.
Everything will be all right, If you'll just stay the night.
Please, don't you walk away, Don't you walk away, Don't you walk away. Please, don't you walk away, Don't you walk away, Don't you walk away from me.
Everybody's talking how I can't be your love But I want to be your love Be your love for real Everybody's talking how I can't be your love But I want to be your love Be your love for real Be your love for real.
She gasped as the song finished and looked up to find Dawn standing in her doorway, tears on her own cheeks, her eyes slightly anguished, but awestruck at the same time.
"That was him wasn't it? He wrote that for you..." Buffy nodded happily.
"He loved me Dawnie. He really loved me! It wasn't just some scheme, or a trick, or merely a figment of my imagination. He really loved me." Dawn nodded and then left her sister to her happiness.
Buffy curled up around the box on the floor, and fell asleep listening to his voice as he started into the next song, her head resting on his journal, the ring still on her finger, the cross still about her neck, and the locket he never gave her clutched tightly within her fist.
()()()()()()()()()()()
He wiped the tears from his eyes as he watched his angel sleep. The box had been his secret, where he hid everything that had meant anything to him. And though he had been anxious at first, seeing her figure out how to open it, the expression of pure joy that had come over her face as she found all his secret possessions had nearly made him jump in elation. And now she was sleeping peacefully for the first time in several weeks.
Standing from his hiding place he gasped when he saw the onyx gem on her left ring finger. The dark jewel sparkled as she shifted, and the smile spread across his face at seeing her wearing the ring he'd received from his father while he was still human, and had intended to give to his bride. He took the comforter from her bed and tucked it in around her, kissing her lightly on the forehead before leaving through her window. Only three more days left and then he could tell her all those things in person. Tell her how much he loved her. Tell her how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, and never let her out of his sight again. Just three more days.
()()()()()()()()()
AN: Oh good golly gosh gracious....my hands are cramping up something bloody awful due to the fact that I've been typing for nearly four hours straight. Bollocks, but this chapter is long! I hope you enjoy it and do please review! I appreciate them ever so much. Thanks to those of you who reviewed last time, you got me through to the next chapter! Love you pets!
Brea
Meetings with the Dead
She was breathing hard, tossing the covers as she turned back and forth in her bed. The layer of sweat glistening on her forehead belied her troubled dreams as easily as the pained moans that escaped her every few minutes. The only truly comprehensible sound was the word, 'Spike,' being repeated over and over as the heat of the dream consumed her mind.
The light rapping at her bedroom door was just enough to pull the slayer from her troubled sleep, and Buffy opened bleary eyes to find her sister standing in the doorway, a mug of steaming liquid in her hands. The distressed look in Dawn's eyes was enough to prompt Buffy to attempt a smile, and she reached up to wipe the sweat from her brow and to attempt to tame her hair. Making space for herself on the bed, Dawn perched next to her sister and handed her the mug.
"I made you some tea," she mentioned, albeit a bit too cheerfully. "There's ginger root mixed in, that's good for calminess."
Buffy eyed the brew before sipping lightly, and a contented sigh escaped her lips as the hot brew slid down her throat, easing the muscles there.
"Willow taught you well." Another sip and she continued,
"What are your plans for today?"
Dawn toyed with the end of one of her long braids, casting her eyes downward as she racked her brain before answering.
"Well, my Art History class starts at ten. We're studying Greek urns right now, and I took a few pictures and emailed them to Willow and she thinks they might be these incredibly rare pitchers that were used to hold Holy Water in Apollo's Temple and she says we may be able to use them to..." Noticing the slightly amused, though bored smile on the slayer's face, she broke off that subject.
"And you don't care so I'll continue with the 'To Do' list instead. After class I'm meeting Micha and Amelie at the fountain and we're going a street market in Sterboholy. Hopefully I'll be able to find a painting to hang over the settee in the sunroom that won't cost me out my ears, but who knows. It'll be worth the experience anyways."
Buffy nodded and readjusted herself on the bed, tucking one leg beneath her as Dawn continued,
"They wanted me to ask you if you wanted to come? There's supposed to be an estate sale going on this weekend, and with how much you like old books, I'm sure you could find something. Besides, I don't know if I'd be comfortable with you hanging around here all by yourself today. Not after last night."
Seeing the protest forming on her older sister's lips she held up her hand,
"Buffy, admit it. The nightmares aren't going to go away by dwelling on them. You need to get out of this apartment and do something other than write in your notebooks, because despite their helpfulness in venting your feelings, they are just another way to dwell on the fact that Spike is gone and he is not coming back. That's not going to help you." She moved closer to her sister and put her arms around her, allowing Buffy's head to rest on her shoulder, her tears darkening the fabric of Dawn's stylish pink sweater.
"He sacrificed himself for you, Buffy, so that you would be happy. He wouldn't want you still be moping around after all this time. He'd want you to move on. Want you to be happy." Buffy nodded into Dawn's shoulder before pulling away and giving her sister a forced smile. The tears still lingered but Dawn could tell that they had subsided, and that the slayer half of Buffy was controlling her feelings now. She glanced at her watch and then stood up from the bed.
"Ok, so I need to go to class now, but if you'd like to come with us, we're meeting at the fountain at one." She moved to leave but turned back to her sister.
"I hope you come."
Then she was gone and Buffy was left alone in her bed, her younger sister's words ringing through her head. 'Be happy...be happy...be happy...' Except she couldn't be happy, couldn't be content without him with her, and that was never going to happen again.
She pulled the covers off her legs and stood before walking slowly to the window and throwing the drapes open. The warm sun was welcome on her cool skin and she placed her hand to the windowpane, taking in the view of the beautiful city below. It surprised even her, the extent of her emotions the last few weeks, but they always seemed worse this time of year. There were four days left until the anniversary of the destruction of Sunnydale, the closing of the Hellmouth, and Spike's self-sacrifice and that was all she could think about. It was like he had said to her so many years ago, just after she had been brought back from the dead. Every night she relived it, and each time she was faster, cleverer, more convincing. She talked him into leaving the amulet there and they escaped together, or she stayed with him and added her power to his to destroy the Hellmouth, or she found a way to transfer the energy from the amulet to reform him after he had dusted. But whatever the means, or the ending, one thing always remained the same: He believed her. When she told him that she loved him, he believed her.
()()()()()()()()()
The fountain was bustling when she arrived, and across the courtyard she saw Dawn and her two friends laughing and joking about something or other, and couldn't help but smile. As she began to walk towards them she studied the other two students slightly, taking in their ever-stylish appearances and good looks.
Amelie's cropped brown hair was constantly falling into her eyes, and the navy blue highlights laced within gave it a unique look that matched her edgy sense of style. Today was no exception as she was dressed in a pair of black jeans with a yellow skull and crossbones tank and black fishnet on top.
Micha, on the other hand, looked fresh pressed and spotless par the usual. His black hair was kept short and he styled it into fashionable spikes that matched well with his sandblasted jeans, vintage Ramones t-shirt, and leather jacket. And as always, Dawn looked polished, yet somewhat edgy, in her dark jeans, black tank top, pink sweater, and combat boots.
Dawn looked up then and saw her, and giving a small wave, ran to meet her. She grasped her older sister's hands and leaned her forehead against her sister's telling her, "I'm glad you came," as their eyes met. She turned then and pulled Buffy to where Micha and Amelie still stood.
"Guys, you remember my sister right? She didn't get a lot of sleep last night so she might seem a little out of it, but we're used to that aren't we?" Dawn poked her sister in the side and she jumped slightly, a small, slightly annoyed smile playing on her lips. The other two students nodded at her and smiled brightly. Micha took the opportunity to move next to Buffy and put his arm around her, starting her down the street in the correct direction. She walked slowly, glancing back once to peer closely at a blue and white striped awning, but then realized her mistake and turned back to Micha's earnest questions.
Amelie and Dawn could hear faint parts of their conversation about the best years for binding, what type of print was better, what was the best publishing company in the 19th century and so forth, and they giggled.
"You'd better watch it Dawnie. From the looks of things, your sister has the monopoly on things in common with him..." She teased before catching up with the 'couple.' Dawn just shook her head before joining them as well. Micha had asked her out after a painting class a few years ago, and they had quickly started dating for real. Going on three years now, she had absolutely no fear that Buffy would steal him away, and it amused her that Amelie loved to tease her so about it.
Seeing that her little sister had rejoined them, Buffy successfully maneuvered herself out from under Micha's arm and moved so that Dawn was next to him instead. Micha grinned devilishly.
"Well then, guess my attempts will have to be put on the easier sister eh?" Dawn just grinned and smacked him. Amelie and Buffy exchanged amused glances and Micha's laughter could be heard as the four rounded a corner toward the outskirts of town.
()()()()()()()()()()
He moved out from his place in the shadows of the Gelato shop's awning and watched them go. Though he knew the man was Dawn's boyfriend and not likely to have any designs on Buffy at all, he couldn't help the stab of jealousy that went through him at seeing Micha's arm go around Buffy, at seeing the young man talking so fervidly with her about something he couldn't quite pick up. The jealousy wasn't from his attention to Buffy however, but at the fact that he could touch her, could talk to her, could laugh with her, and didn't have to worry about dropping dead the moment her eyes came to rest on him.
Though he knew she hadn't seen him, it had been quite a shock when her eyes had locked onto his hiding place as she walked out of the square. Almost like she had known he was there, but couldn't find him. And thank the bloody Powers for that. Not that he didn't want her to see him, want to see the look of astonishment and love on her face as he walked up to her and pulled her tight into his embrace, he'd just rather it wait until this death clause was up. Slinging his bag over his shoulder he turned down the road they had left on, following them to who knows where and he shrugged resignedly. These last four days were going to be the longest of his existence.
()()()()()()()()()
He was following a safe distance behind, enjoying the smiles that continuously played across his love's face. It had been a long time since he'd seen her smile so much, and he reveled in it. The only misfortune was that he wasn't the cause, but the old leather books were a good substitute he figured.
The moment they'd entered the market the quartet had split into pairs, Dawn and Amelie moving off toward the south corner and a stand with dozens of large canvases, while Micha pulled Buffy down the small dirt road towards a stand with hundreds upon hundreds of old books. He'd wished himself the covers as her hands grazed over them lovingly. The young man was continuously picking up volumes and bringing them to her, asking questions about authenticity and years of origin and such, and she willingly answered, displaying a vast knowledge for the old tomes. Micha moved away again, placing one of the novels into his basket and continued to look as Buffy leafed through the books as well. He grinned as he saw the look of hunger come into her eyes before she began to dig through the stack.
()()()()()()()()
There was something under there, something, almost familiar, and she had to find it. She could feel it as she pulled the other volumes off from on top of it, and she yearned to know what it was. Her eyes lit as she pulled the incredibly old leather-bound out from the stacks but her touch to its cover caused her to start. A vision consumed her.
She was sitting beside a lily-pond in the small garden behind their apartment building, pulling her hand through the water, watching in avid wonder as the ripples spread out from where her hand started them. A twig snapped behind her and she turned quickly around, only to have the breath knocked from her as she met the man's eyes.
"Spike..." she whispered, but the disbelief was too great. It was broad daylight and he was standing in a shaft of bright sunlight. The only explanation for his still being whole was that this was a dream. But she reached out her hand anyways, and he came to her willingly, dropping down beside her before clutching her to his chest. She cried softly into his shirt as she held onto him desperately, never wanting to let go. She laid her head against his chest and started to speak when she felt it. A strong, fast pounding, that was coming from beneath his ribcage. She looked up at him then and saw him smile, then he leaned down and whispered into her ear,
"I'm human pet. We can be together now. For real."
She was pulled from the vision as Micha's hand landed on her shoulder. She turned to him and he squealed when he say the old tome clutched in her white knuckled fingers. Too shocked to stop him he pulled it from her grasp and began to examine it closely.
"Oh gosh, look at the aging, and the intricate gold filigree on the binding, and the thick paper stock holding the cover in shape, oh and the amazing detail to this incredible Celtic design on the front cover, oh and what's this... Buffy look! There's a name engraved here in the bottom corner. The last name is kind of hard to make out, but it looks to have belonged to a 'William Freston,' maybe? Lets see what's inside, oh, it's just a bunch of script, oh! Buffy, do you know what you've found?"
Her breath was stuck in her throat and it wouldn't move. Had she heard him properly? Heard the correct name? Or was it her mind talking and making her overly hopeful that she had found something of his? Something from before his destructive days even? But she glanced down at the cover and realized that the name Micha had said was indeed 'William Freston,' and her heart cried out at the thought. Micha's hand landed on her arm and he asked again,
"Buffy, do you know what you've found?" She nodded.
"It's his journal...William's journal."
She gasped slightly at the realization and sighed resignedly. That's what that vision had been about then. Touching something that had belonged to him in his human days was enough to make her conjure him up in her mind as a human. Seeing that Micha was looking at her strangely she smiled at him reassuringly.
"William Freston, didn't he become the one known as 'William the Bloody?' The guy you're always researching?" He asked her as he handed the book back into her grasp. She gave him a weak smile.
"Yeah, he did."
()()()()()()()()()
He had watched her eyes light up as she pulled the book from the stacks, watched her tenderly caress the cover, and flip through a few pages before her eyes glazed over. A pained expression came across her face as the vision tore through her mind. Spike had no idea what was happening however, and was tearing himself apart inside, trying to think of something to do to help her without being seen. Then the man she was with came up to her and she seemed to snap out of it when he took the book from her grasp.
Now with a clear view of the cover he shuddered, understanding that she had been pulled into a vision of him, and understanding why her expression had been so pained. Prague, eh? The journal had still been in his possession during the last battle, so he wondered how it had arrived here, lost in some old fogy's endless collection. Then the reason dawned on him. The Powers would have put it there to tempt her, to tempt him into getting it back. It would also explain why she would have been drawn to it in the first place.
He backed up slightly with his hand pressed to his mouth, to stop the cry that he so wanted to let out. He continued stepping backwards, not really paying attention to where he might be going or whom he might be stepping on until he heard the angered 'OW!' from behind him. He turned to apologize before his eyes widened and he gasped.
The young woman he had bumped into stared up into his eyes, her mouth opening and closing but no audible sound could be heard. Overcoming his shock, he clamped his hand over her mouth to stop her saying his name and quickly pulled her aside so that they were out of sight of Buffy and Micha.
She continued to stare at him, disbelief clouding her features as she took in his appearance. The familiar duster, t-shirt, jeans and combat boots had been traded in for a blue collared shirt and a pair of worn in dark jeans on top of brown shoes. Based on his clothes she never would have believed it was really him, but the hair was still the same, though looser in style so a few sexy curls could escape, and the smile on his face was unmistakable. She put her hand to his face and feeling that his was real, launched herself into his arms, hugging him tightly. His hands rubbed her back comfortingly and he whispered,
"Hello lil' bit. How've you been?" She pulled away from him and started muttering almost indistinguishably.
"Spike...how...why...what are you doing here? Not that it really matters because I'm so happy to see you! But where have you been for the past four years? Why haven't you come to see us? Do you know how upset Buffy is about thinking that you're dead? She cries herself to sleep nearly every night! How could you let her do that? And oh my god, she still doesn't know you're back! I have to go find her, she'll be so happy! Stay right here!"
She turned to run away but he threw out a hand to grab her arm. Turning to look at him, she noticed that his hand was now in the sunlight and he was neither dusted nor in pain. She looked at him questioningly.
"Spike...?" He smiled ironically.
"It would be more appropriate to call me William now, I think."
Dawn gasped and moved back towards him, putting her hand to his heart and he saw her eyes widen even more as she felt the steady beating there. She met his eyes again then.
"Spike...er...William, what..."
"I'm human now pet. Just like you. Well, not just like you really...I have a limitation on my humanity." She looked at him, puzzled at his response.
"What limitation?" He ran his hand through his hair before answering. Then he looked at her very seriously.
"Buffy can NOT know I'm back all right? I'm here on Earth, and I'm human, but she CAN NOT know." Dawn looked at him in disbelief.
"But...why not? It would make her so happy, she'd be so happy..." He cut her off.
"Yes, pet I know. But she can't know. You know what day it is four days from now?" She nodded.
"The anniversary of the defeat of the First."
"That's right. The Powers that be gave me this gift, gave me back my life, as a reward. There's just one catch. Until the end of the fourth year, there's only one person I can never see, never talk to, she can't even 'think' I exist. If she has any idea I'm around, I'll die...again. And I don't really fancy leaving her behind again." Dawn swallowed, trying to take it all in, before nodding at him.
"I got it. Buffy knows, you die. Really don't want that to happen either so I won't tell a soul. But, this is the fourth year right? So on Sunday, the fourth year will be up, and you can come see her right?" He smiled and patted her on the head.
"Yes, on Sunday I can come see you both, and nothing will happen except I'll be a lot happier than I have been in a long, long time. Now go on pet. Your friends will worry about what's keeping you and then my cover really will be blown." She hugged him tightly again before scurrying off to find Amelie.
He let out the breath he didn't know he'd been holding and groaned. Oh Gods that had been close. But no, he'd come too far for it to end now. He very much planned on spending the rest of his life with Buffy come the day, but until then she couldn't know about him or his new form.
()()()()()()()()()()()
The exhausted pair climbed the stairs to their apartment, lugging the humungous canvas up with them. Once inside, Dawn proceeded to hang it on the wall while Buffy went to her room and leaned out the window to watch the sunset, the book she had bought today held in her tight grasp. She ran her hand over the engraving on the cover once more, recognizing it as the scar Spike had carried on his left hip.
She opened the front flap and ran her hand over the binding fastenings, and the patterned paper stock that held the leather securely in place. When her fingers ran over a raised portion she was puzzled and pulling her pocket knife from her boot, she sliced open the cover and gasped when a few papers and an old brass key fell from the book. Dropping to the floor she set the journal aside and picked up the key and papers. She fingered the key for a few minutes before opening the papers and started as she saw that they were each addressed to her, poems, lyrics, short letters. But that was impossible, unless he'd still owned this up to the point of Sunnydale's destruction. She picked the book up again and held it to her chest, the tears starting to leak out, when Dawn knocked on her door.
"Um...Buffy? This just came for you...It's from Giles." She set the large box down on her sister's floor and looked to her expectantly. Buffy nodded.
"Thanks, Dawn." Dawn saw the book in Buffy's hands then and moved to sit beside her.
"What did you find today? Anything good?" She wiped her eyes and handed the book to Dawn whispering,
"It was his. Spike's. Or William's rather. All the way up to the end..." Dawn rubbed her sister's shoulder and then looked back at the box.
"The package is marked 'Fragile,' want me to help you open it?" Buffy nodded.
"Sure, that would be great."
()()()()()()()()()()
There was a letter on top of the packing material and Buffy picked that up, opening it first.
Dear Buffy,
I was sorting through some old boxes from when I had moved some things to England and I came across this one. It's filled with some of Spike's old things, some letters, a book or two, some clothes. Though I don't approve of your affections for him, I thought you might appreciate them. I know how much he meant to you. So they are yours now, to do with what you like and for you to never talk to me about again. I hope to hear from you soon. I'd like to know how things are going for you and Dawn.
Giles
Buffy set the letter down in a slight daze. It was almost too coincidental, finding the journal this morning, then this package arriving tonight. But the coincidences weren't the main things on her mind. She could see the edge of a black t-shirt from beneath the packing peanuts and she reached out her hand to touch it. Dawn's voice brought her back.
"What did he have to say? What's in the box?" Buffy gave the letter to Dawn and pulled the box closer to her, starting to remove the packing peanuts. When she pulled out the t-shirt she held it to her chest and started to cry. Dawn saw her and tried to put her hand on Buffy's shoulder but she shrugged it off.
"Um...Dawn...could I have a little time alone? To go through it all...I'll let you back in here in an hour or so. Could you do that for me?" Though she didn't want to leave her sister alone, she stood and left the room. Buffy turned back to the box.
After the t-shirt came a few of his silk button downs, including the blue one that she'd so loved to see him wear. Then she found a couple of books, Edgar Allen Poe, Emily Dickenson, Jane Austen...she quirked her eyebrows at the last name. There were a few candles, some sketches, a ring or two, but what caught her eye was the beautiful mahogany box buried at the bottom. She pulled it out and tried to open it but found that it was locked. Disappointed, she set it aside and started to look through the books when it dawned on her. The journal, which had been his, had contained an old brass key. The mahogany box had an old brass lock fixture.
With trembling hands she unlocked the box and slowly lifted the lid. Whatever was inside had to be important if he'd locked them away, but what she saw made her gasp. The box was filled with things she'd never seen before. A beautiful onyx ring set in sterling, which she slipped on her left hand almost immediately, marveling at how perfectly it fit her finger. A marble statuette of Athena that was filled with sweet smelling incense. A glimmering broach in the shape of a dragon, with emeralds for eyes and a ruby for its tongue. A long shimmering chain made of some precious metal, with a cross pendant dangling from it. She took that out as well, and as she slipped it around her neck she wondered at what he'd been doing with a cross, even one so beautiful as this. She was almost ready to shut the lid when she realized that the tray she had been looking through lifted out.
What was beneath shocked her greatly, more than anything else had that day. He had loved her, that she knew, he had told her often enough though she sometimes found it hard to believe. But she had never realized just how deep his feelings ran until that moment. In the bottom of the box she found pictures, of her and Dawn, a few of her and Xander or Willow, one with Giles, but the majority of them were just of her. She could tell when most of them had been taken, some from her twenty-first birthday party, a few from a trip she'd taken with Xander and Willow, the one of her and Giles was taken in the Magic Shop, just after he'd returned from England the first time.
She gasped, letting the pictures fall through her fingers as she found the only one that was framed. Taken just after she'd turned twenty, the picture was of her and him, during that strange week where Willow's spell had made them believe they were engaged. She was sitting in his lap, smiling at him, and he was just staring at her in astonishment and what she realized now was love. She took the picture from the box and set it on her bedside table, her hand running over his face lightly.
Turning back to the box she found other things that shocked her. He had a lock of her hair, wrapped in a black silk ribbon, tied to a small velvet box. Nervously she opened it to find a sterling locket with her name engraved on the back. A gift he'd never given her? She set that aside and picked up the sheath of papers beneath. Another gasp escaped her lips as she flipped through the papers, discovering sheet music and lyrics for so many songs. She started to read some of the lyrics and couldn't stop the tears from coursing down her cheeks. They were so poignant, so moving. Beneath the papers she found a cassette tape, and hoping it was what she thought, she quickly popped it into her player. When his voice drifted out of the machine she cried out, ecstatic at hearing his voice again, but so distressed that it was just a recording.
If I could take you away
Pretend you were queen What would you say? Would you think I'm unreal? 'Cause everybody's got their way I should feel
Everybody's talking how I can't be your love But I want to be your love Be your love for real Everybody's talking how I can't be your love But I want to be your love Be your love for real Want to be your everything Everything
Everything's falling, and I am included in that. Oh, how I try, to be just okay. Yeah, but all I ever really wanted, Was a little piece of you.
And everybody's talking how I can't be your love But I want to be your love Be your love for real. Everybody's talking how I can't be your love, But I want to be your love, Be your love for real. Want to be your everything, Everything.
Everything will be all right, If you'll just stay the night.
Please, don't you walk away, Don't you walk away, Don't you walk away. Please, don't you walk away, Don't you walk away, Don't you walk away from me.
Everybody's talking how I can't be your love But I want to be your love Be your love for real Everybody's talking how I can't be your love But I want to be your love Be your love for real Be your love for real.
She gasped as the song finished and looked up to find Dawn standing in her doorway, tears on her own cheeks, her eyes slightly anguished, but awestruck at the same time.
"That was him wasn't it? He wrote that for you..." Buffy nodded happily.
"He loved me Dawnie. He really loved me! It wasn't just some scheme, or a trick, or merely a figment of my imagination. He really loved me." Dawn nodded and then left her sister to her happiness.
Buffy curled up around the box on the floor, and fell asleep listening to his voice as he started into the next song, her head resting on his journal, the ring still on her finger, the cross still about her neck, and the locket he never gave her clutched tightly within her fist.
()()()()()()()()()()()
He wiped the tears from his eyes as he watched his angel sleep. The box had been his secret, where he hid everything that had meant anything to him. And though he had been anxious at first, seeing her figure out how to open it, the expression of pure joy that had come over her face as she found all his secret possessions had nearly made him jump in elation. And now she was sleeping peacefully for the first time in several weeks.
Standing from his hiding place he gasped when he saw the onyx gem on her left ring finger. The dark jewel sparkled as she shifted, and the smile spread across his face at seeing her wearing the ring he'd received from his father while he was still human, and had intended to give to his bride. He took the comforter from her bed and tucked it in around her, kissing her lightly on the forehead before leaving through her window. Only three more days left and then he could tell her all those things in person. Tell her how much he loved her. Tell her how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, and never let her out of his sight again. Just three more days.
()()()()()()()()()
AN: Oh good golly gosh gracious....my hands are cramping up something bloody awful due to the fact that I've been typing for nearly four hours straight. Bollocks, but this chapter is long! I hope you enjoy it and do please review! I appreciate them ever so much. Thanks to those of you who reviewed last time, you got me through to the next chapter! Love you pets!
Brea