Disclaimer – I don't own any of these characters – they are the property of NBC, John Wells and the fabulous Aaron Sorkin.

Rating – PG for now

Pairings – Josh/Ellie, Ellie/OC

Spoilers – None

Summary – Josh Lyman meets Eleanor Bartlettt during the campaign and falls in love with the young, married medical student. For the purposes of my story, Ellie is several years older in this story and very different than she is on the show.

I've had this story in my head for years, and have finally forged the courage to begin writing. Here's hoping you enjoy it!! The song by Evanescence, "My Immortal" is the soundtrack for the story.

He wanted to cry, but the tears just wouldn't come. He wanted to cry for her, for himself, for everything they'd already been through, and for everything that might have been. "Maybe...maybe it wasn't really love anyway." Ellie's words echoed over and over in his head and he was helpless to stop them.

He paced the floor in his office, running his hand over and over through his hair, begging her voice to stop rattling in his head. What did she know? Why did she get to decide whether or not they were really in love? Who gave her that power? You did, Josh finally answers himself. You gave her that power by loving her, by giving everything you are to her.

How could she just walk away from what they had? Yeah, okay, she was married; he got that. But, married people fall in love with other people all the time. Why was Eleanor Bartlettt so damned different? Why did she get to be all noble and philosophical now that her husband's dead?

He picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number. "Aaron McKenzie, please," he requested of the voice on the other end. He waited for the doctor to pick up the phone. "Aaron, Ellie and I just had an argument and I could really use someone to talk to." His therapist agreed, inviting Josh to come to the office immediately – he'd be waiting.

She could see the staff parking lot from the residence. She watched him open his car door, slinging his backpack onto the passenger seat. She watched as he paused and looked up to the window of the residence, as if he could see her there. She watched as he climbed in and slammed the door, resting his head for just a moment on the steering wheel before he fired the Audi up and screeched out of the parking lot.

He was angry, he was hurt and she knew that she caused his pain. "It had to be done," she whispered, hugging herself tightly. A single tear wound its way down her cheek. It's the most difficult thing she's ever had to do. More difficult than admitting to herself that she was in love with him – more difficult than admitting she didn't love her husband as much as she loved him – more difficult than burying her husband, along with so many unresolved issues. She'd walked away from the man she loved. She'd even told him she wasn't sure she'd ever loved him.

He thought it was so easy. She shook her head as she watched the Audi disappear from view. He loved her, she loved him – he just didn't see the problems. She was the President's daughter and he just didn't seem to comprehend how it would look for her to begin dating him so soon after her husband's death. He didn't get the fact that some reporter, somewhere, would speak to someone she worked with at the hospital, who would be more than willing to confess to their relationship while David was alive. Too many people knew the truth and giving in to their love for one another could bring down her father's administration, not to mention kill his chances for re-election.

The tears came faster then. She firmly believed all of this, and knew in her heart she as doing the right thing, but it didn't soothe the longing in her heart. He thought that she didn't take his phone calls because she felt guilty about their relationship. He had no idea. He didn't know that he was her last thought at night, her waking thought in the morning. He didn't know that she wondered every moment of every day what he was doing. He had no idea how much it affected her work. Her friends and family assumed her distraction was grief. He had no idea that every single time the phone rang she begged God to let it be him. And, that when she does hear his voice on the other end of the line, she'd be overcome by fear. The panic would set in, overwhelming her. She heard the love in his voice – the concern and even the passion and it terrifies her. She's never loved anyone the way she loves this man. She knows that if she's in his presence for too long, she'll give in.

He finally cried. Resting on the deep burgundy leather of his therapist's couch, allowing the supple fabric to cradle him – he cried.

"Do you believe her?" Aaron asked softly.

"I don't want to," Josh answered honestly.

"Josh, you have to talk to her," the doctor recommended.

"I can't," he quietly pleaded.

"Why?"

"Because..." he began, his voice heavy and deep with the emotion overtaking him, "if I see in her eyes that she doesn't love me, I just..."

"You just what, Josh?"

"I don't know how to live without her, Aaron. These past weeks, I've tried. I love her too much to let her go, and if I have to let her go, I just don't know what I'll do."

"Talk to her, Josh," he stated again.

"Yeah," he answered, rising quickly from the couch. "I'm going to go now."

"To talk to her?" Aaron asked gently.

"Yeah," he answered without an ounce of truth. He was lying then. Lying to himself and to his therapist. Lying to the world, he realized, and the tears began falling again.

TBC....