Grow Up or Grow Apart
(concluded)

I've been subconsciously avoiding Goten all day. I'm starting to regret what I made us do in our fuse this morning, and I think I might have made things worse then they already were after catching him touching himself in his bed last night. During dinner, I avoid eye contact at all costs. I know he isn't trying to look at me either. He feels uncomfortable being here now. He only came to stay here in the first place because we were training for the fusion again, but now that we finally did it and made a mess of it, I'm starting to worry he's just going to go back home.

It's time I start to admit it to myself. Goten and I are becoming detached.

We haven't seen much of each other since we started going to different high schools as opposed to just being home schooled as little kids. I have a new group of friends now that take up most of my day. And I know he's got friends I don't know anything about. But I would drop any one of them in a second to hang out with Goten again the way we used to. To know his like I used to. I miss him more than anything.

I know this because I remember how comfortable I used to be around him. No act. No trying to avoid subjects, like now. None of this overly-kidding around so we don't have to be in this new unknown factor between us. We're like strangers that just happen to know each other really well. There are so many things between us that we haven't shared with each other: Friends that aren't us... Memories that aren't ours. It didn't become so painfully obvious until after we fused today. I could see too many thoughts in our head that weren't familiar and it bothered me, but at least now I know why it did.

When we we're kids - as far back as my memory even goes - Goten was never not a part of the picture. We grew up together a lot different than other kids grow up with their friends. We were the same person long before we ever fused into Gotenks that first time at The Lookout, and we became something twe never had to explain to anyone else. Goku thinks it's because we went through so much together as young kids. My dad tells me it's from mixing my blood with 'Kakarott's brat' too much. But I think it's just because nobody else in the world could ever understand everything about me like Goten does, just like nobody will ever know him the way I can.

But once high school happened, and we got to see how regular kids acted around each other, it became very clear that our friendship wasn't normal. Not at all. Guys don't act they way we were with each other. Nobody would understand what it was like to get shoved into a room where time slows down because it was up to you to save the world. Nobody would understand the first thing about being a half-human, half-Saiyan teenager. What it's like to focus energy through our body and being responsible for more power than any normal person should have to deal with. And it never occurred to us that we were that close to each other - almost dependent - and we both reacted badly about it when other people started to notice. Suddenly, I started trying to go out of my way act like every other normal human kid at my school. Being the heir to the Briefs Empire was easy to play-off compared to the suppressing of every Saiyan instinct in my body. And I saw Goten starting to act different once he started going to school, too. Maybe we wanted to fit in. Just be like every one else our ages. To do it, we had to distance ourselves from what we really are.

I didn't want it to bother me that I wasn't with Goten all of the time like we used to be, that he was going on in his life without me. And I definitely didn't want to admit that I wanted him more than I should, that all the friends in the world couldn't compare to the strength of the bond we had between us. I was lying to myself about constantly wondering what he was doing. Or if he was wondering the same about me.

But now that I remember what its like to be around him, and to feel how different it's become, I'm starting to care less and less that our friendship wasn't normal in the first place and. I can't stand to be apart from Goten anymore.

I'm hollow without him.

There. I'm admitting it.

When Goten suggested that we spend a few weeks together after school let out for the summer, I think I assumed that things could just somehow go right back to the way they were before. I don't think I expected us to have changed so much, or for us to have become so drastically different from when we used to be together. The same little-kid silliness and teasing feels so stupid now, and... forced. Like I don't know how to not be a stupid little kid when I'm around him. I've been reverting to treating him like we're still 10 years old. There are just... so many things about him that I don't know anymore. Growing up, I've always been able to assume that Goten was always exactly like me and that I was exactly like him. It's becoming increasingly harder to realize that we're not the same anymore.

After I help my mother move some heavy things around in the lab after dinner, I pass by his room and take a quick glance in. Exactly what I feared the most.

He's packing.

"Goin' somewhere?" I ask rather unconvincingly, leaning up against the doorway with my hands shoved deep in my pockets. Can he tell I'm worried sick about this?

He stops for a moment folding his clothes, giving me a nervous glance that tells me that he probably didn't plan on telling me he was going to leave at all.

I feel like shit.

"No, well... I-" he stutters, obviously having no intentions on telling me why. I already know. "I think I should go back home, Trunks. I've been here a while and..."

"And what? You know you're welcome to stay here as long as you want, and it's not like you don't have your own room here or anything," I crack, hearing the pathetic desperate sound to my voice. I shift my weight and look down to my feet, having forgot that I'm still pretty dirty from training earlier today. I don't want him to go.

His attention goes back to idly folding his clothes, responding so quiet I can barely hear him. "It's okay. I'm... just going to go. You know, my parents probably miss me, anyway. And besides... we did the fusion. That's why we did all this, right?"

I'm not sure if he's waiting for an answer to that. It wasn't a real question.

There's this horrible tension in the room, so thick I can almost see it. He can't leave like this. I want things back to the way they were, even if it means getting all of this in the wide open. I don't care how awkward it gets.

I walk in into the room and sit on the opposite side of the bed from his folding. He pretends not to be uncomfortable, I think. I quietly clear my throat and decide to break the ice that neither of us have ever touched with each other. It's time for us not to be kids anymore.

"So... have you ever kissed a girl before, 'Ten?"

That got his attention.

"Wh- what?" He stops all movement. "Uh, yeah...well, no. Not... not really," he stumbles, cheeks flushed. "I mean...w-why do you ask?"

"Just curious, I guess." Deep breath. "I didn't know if you were, you know - ever had a girlfriend."

"Oh." More uncomfortable silence. "What about you?"

I feel my heart race a little from the vulnerableness of it. "Me? Um, yea. There was this girl at school. It was while ago. She was pretty. Someone from my class. She wasn't my girlfriend or anything," I quickly add on to explain, trying not to be so blunt about it. I accidentally give him eye contact for the first time since this morning, just in time to see them widen at my confession. I'm not sure what to think of his reaction.

"Oh," he eventually replies once the initial shock drops from his face. "I don't know too many girls at school. I don't... well...," he trails off, becoming slightly uneasy with where the conversation is going. He bites his lip a little. "Things are... weird now, you know?"

"Yeah."

This is such a foreign place to be with him. Here, in my house. With the boy I've know my entire life. In this moment, I'm a tourist.

"...Trunks?"

"Yeah?"

He lowers his voice. "Have you ever, you know... done anything? With anyone?"

"Like... touching?" I can't believe I'm talking to Goten about this. I'm sweating.

"...Yeah."

If we're going to get everything out in the open, I have to lay everything on the table. "Well, I did. Once," I mumble, feeling my cheeks burn red with embarrassment. Ironic how I can brag and go on about shit like this with any of my other friends like it's nothing, but I feel as awkward as hell with Goten looking at me right now. "We kissed a few times. She let me touch her under her shirt while we made out. And... you know, just over the pants. But it wasn't like anything that serious." I pause before I get brave enough to add on the disclaimer, "Felt good though..."

That finally gives me a reaction that reminds me of why I came in here in the first place - he's smiling.

"What was it like? I mean, like what else did you do?" He says with genuine interest before quickly walking over the door to silently ease it close, careful not to speak too loudly. I relax once I see that glimpse of something familiar - almost mischievous in him.

I couldn't be happier - we're actually talking... even thought the topic has changed a bit since the last time we did. I don't care, though. I just want to know everything about him again, even if that means telling him everything like this. I'd rather share every detail of my life with him than spend it apart. If he can't understand all the intimate details about me, who can?

We talk for hours together about our new likes, dislikes, questions about what we don't know yet about ourselves and girls. A lot of things I quite frankly didn't even know Goten was thinking about or dealing with, but I don't know why it surprised me - he is a half-Saiyan teenage boy like me. I wouldn't imagine him talking to his brother like this, and without a hoard of guys friends like I have to impress at school in the locker rooms, I can't be sure he's talked like this to anyone at all. Being a teenager is tough for even regular kids, or so I've heard. What me and Goten have been going through is hell in comparison.

It's only after we talk about everything do we begin to feel more comfortable joking about it together, laughing, being explicit like guys can be. I tell him all about being touched by someone else, and explaining why I thought it would be a good idea to try it when we were fused earlier, even though I don't think I would have done it if I knew Goten was still really unfamiliar with getting to know the changes in his own body yet. But after feeling like we were drifting apart, we wind up... different. Better. And new. Like a the most familiar boy in the world to me I am just meeting for the first time. I can feel that strength between us starting to come back, and I feel like we belong together, just like when we were younger. Despite the time we've spent living different lives, we are still exactly the same inside.

I guess some things are just meant to happen in fucked up ways.

It's almost until three o'clock in the morning.

I've completely forgotten about packing, but I don't want to leave anymore now. I know I can't stay here forever - my mom and dad do probably miss me after being gone for so long - but I'm starting to remember how nice it feels to be so close with Trunks again.

Everything about us feels right. There isn't that awful weirdness between us anymore. I'm just excited to have Trunks back, and it feels pretty good to know him again.

Eventually, I look down to my clothes and notice that I'm still filthy from the woods. With everything that has happened today, it hasn't occurred to me that I haven't showered since this morning!

"I think I should wash up before I fall asleep like this," I turn my head to tell the half sleeping boy lying down on the bed next to me. Trunks is just as dirty as I am. Typical.

"Yeah, we're a mess," he jokes, nearly shoving me off the side of the bed before rolling off the other. He sniffs his shirt and makes a face. "... time to hit the showers."

I take off my shirt before throwing it on the pile of dirty clothes I've accumulated over the past few days, and head to the adjoining bathroom. Another perk to living at Capsule Corporation: private bathrooms! I'm not looking forward to having to use the water tub in our backyard again when I get home, freezing morning baths, zero privacy. Trunks is so lucky to live here!

I say goodnight and close the door behind me.

Stripped down, I catch a quick glimpse of my body in the mirror as I adjust the hot water to a tolerable temperature. Two weeks of training have certainly made a difference on me, but it's the Metamoru fusion markings across my shoulder and down my arm that my eyes go to first. I haven't really noticed it in a while. But I can still clearly remember that time in Other World me and Trunks got them. A forever-reminder to us that nobody else in the world could ever understand this. We barely understand this. I trace my hand lightly over that part of the markings that run over and down the corded muscles on my shoulder. These strange marks mean so much more to me now than when I got them.

I turn my attention back to the water. I'm normally not one for scalding hot showers, but I figure I might as well take advantage of it while I still can. Dende knows as soon as I get back home, I will not get such luxuries. I will also not get this privacy that I've grown pretty used to here.

Once in the shower, I immediately grab the soap and start scrubbing the dirt off my body and in my hair, pooling up the bottom of the tub with dirty water I'd normally have to sit in if I was in the tub back at home. My hands work up a thick lather. My mind wanders to things me and Trunks talked about. The thought of being touched by someone else. I am curious. What would it feel like? I try to remember more of what it felt like this afternoon while we were fused.

My hand starts stroking the most sensitive part of my body. The side of my head leaned against the tiled wall. I stroke harder. I close my eyes, feeling the hot water beat down on my chest and face as I continue to quicken the pace. My mind wanders chaotically. I don't even notice the shower door slide open until I hear his voice just inches from behind me.

"... I told you it feels better in the shower," he softly plays, reaching around for the soap in the dish in front of me. I freeze. I'm paralyzed.

"Trunks! What are y-, why are you in here?!" I stutter, unable to let go of myself without exposing my current state wide out in the open. I try to sound nonchalant, but it's coming across more like panic. "You have your own bathroom!"

He goes on like it's nothing. "We've taken baths together before. What's the difference?" Unnervingly casual. "... Besides, you don't have to stop what you're doing on my account,"he adds, lathering the bar of soap between hands and starting to wash up.

Like I'm going to continue with him right behind me!

"Trunks, I-"

"Here," he says as he hands me the soap, ignoring my embarrassment completely. Trunks has never been known to be modest. Probably just comes along with being so confident.

Forget it! I'm not going to act like I'm all bothered about this again. So I've got a hard on - big fucking deal! I'm sure as hell not going to keep going, but I don't care that he saw me! It's a part of life, right? And it's just Trunks. Nothing to hide anymore about what we do. I reluctantly grab the bar of soap from his hand and put it back on the little cut out ledge of the shower wall in front of me, and even adjust the water so it hits the both of us. Just two guys in a shower washing up. That's all this is.

It's when my hands are occupied with the shower head that I get the biggest shock of my life.

I only get two little words as a warning.

"Trust me..."

A soapy hand quickly slides around my waist and wraps around the hard on I was so desperately trying to wish away. Before I can manage to voice out the sound of whatever reaction you have when your best friend grabs your cock - he covers my mouth tightly with his other hand, whispering quietly in my ear from behind as he presses the back of my head to his shoulder.

"Relax 'Teni! It's only me... Just trust me - it's going to feel good."

I don't know what the fuck to do!

He squeezes his hand over the tip of my erection that's now slippery with soap, pumping over the length in long, smooth strokes. My mind is telling me to push him through the wall, but it feels... it feels...

Why is he doing this!? What am I supposed to do?!

I make weak, pathetic attempts to get free, but it's numbing my judgment so badly I don't know what to think anymore. I close my eyes and stop fighting it, in turn making it clear without words that I don't want him to stop. My body shudders from his touch in almost violent spasms. It's abundantly clear to me that Trunks is way more skilled in this department than I am.

He continues to quicken the pace in perfect rhythm to the need I didn't know I had until now, slowly removing his hand from over my mouth since the aching moan I've been purring on his palm is proof enough that I'm not going to protest at this point. My knees nearly give way and I brace myself with my hands on the shower wall in front of me, trying hard not to think about what is actually happening right now. I know it's Trunks, but... god, this is Trunks! This is supposed to be fucked up!

I squeeze my eyes tight and fist my hands against the wall. It's getting to harder to hold back now. His pace is getting faster and harder, and I don't know how much more of this I can take. His other arm wraps around my waist to support me from collapsing and my entire body instantly flexes over, biting my lip as I force back a whimper under my breath. I feel something building. I feel my body's need to release. I can't hold out much longer. I need... I need to...

"T-Tr-Trunks... I-..." I can't speak. I can barely breathe. "...I ha-have t-t-to..."

Without having to say another word, Trunks increases his grip and speeds up the rhythm , finishing what he started, milking me over his hand and onto the wall of the shower in front of us with force I've never experienced before. He actually has to put his hand over my mouth again, because this time I can't control the sound that rips from my throat. Even while I'm coming, he doesn't stop. I don't think I'll ever come again this hard in my life.

Once I'm completely spent, he finally lets me go, slipping his arms away from around my body and letting me collapse to my knees. And just goes back to washing up wherever he left off. Like it was nothing. Never happened.

My heartbeat is pounding through my chest and I quickly snap back to reality - the same reality where my best friend just... what have we done?!

I look up and see him give me that tiny egotistical smile of his that tells me he's secretly proud of himself. That he go me to do that. Standing over me, looking accomplished from exerting his skill to effect me so easily like that. And I like it. He already know's I like it.

Everything is going to be fine between us. "If you don't tell anyone, I won't," he calmly states, busy soaping up his body. It's not a bargain he's giving me, but a pact. He rinses off his hand in the stream of water and smooths back his hair, now more of a dark purple from the water. "We know what we want, so why can't we just do these things with each other? Nobody has to know."

He offers out a hand to seal the secret - one that I would have never in a million years ever thought I'd make with him! But I feel... comfortable with this. With Trunks. It makes me strangely excited and I laugh along with him and grasp his hand to shake on it, all though I know by doing this, our friendship has just become a lot more complicated to understand than it's ever been before.