Without Prior Notice
(concluded)

I'm an asshole. I've got to learn not to drink so much, since I always seem to regret having done something dumb the next morning. I had hoped when I fell into bed last night, feeling like the world's biggest fuck-up for thinking with my dick instead of my head, I would just feel better in the morning and have some perspective on what happened between us last night.

Or should I say the three of us last night?

No such luck. I wake up still feeling like an asshole and I can't say that I like it. Can't say I like how my head is pounding like a jackhammer right now either.

As soon as I get dressed into the first thing I see on the floor, I quietly make my way into the kitchen, noticing that nothing has been touched or cleaned up from the night before - wine glasses and empty bottles still on the coffee table, shoes kicked off in the middle of the floor, the stink of regret in the air. The only sound left in this entire apartment is the faint hum of the refrigerator compressor kicking on, and some heavy breathing from Goten's tangled form sleeping with the side of his face pressed into the cushions of the couch. I guess he decided to sleep out here last night and not up in the loft across from Marron. Smart move.

I really wish things had gone differently last night. We made a total disaster of everything with my fucking brilliant idea, assuming that a girl like Marron would just submit to our request to let us have at her at the same time. Both of us. Doing what most guys could only dream about or watching online. Ripping our clothes off. Pressing our hard bodies into her, feeling him push inside of her as I flex my arms around...

Nnnn. My fucking mind!

To make matters worse, I could just tell by Goten's face last night, after Marron left for bed, that he was disappointed with me. Or maybe angry? I'm not even sure what was going on with the look he gave me, but I didn't have time to think about it for too long. I did what anyone would have done in that position - I went to bed and tried to forget about the whole thing ever happening before anything else could.

Why did we have to drink so damn much? That's why all of this happened! Why couldn't I control myself from getting so excited and just take it easy? Maybe things would have turned out like they usually do. I'm usually pretty chill about myself when it's just me and Goten getting drunk and fucking around and doing whatever. This time shouldn't have been any different, but it was. Somehow. I wanted something different from it. This wasn't just about getting laid or scoring with some random girl of the moment. I wanted to... have that moment... with him. I wanted to share something different with Goten. ...Or maybe I just wanted to share Goten?

I push the thought deep into the back of my mind.

I suddenly realize that I've been staring open-mouthed at my best friend asleep on the couch now for longer than I should be. Watching his chest rise and fall with every breath. His right arm draped across his stomach as the other one resting heavy on the floor. His face looks so innocent when he sleeps, just like when he was a kid - like he could wake at any moment without a care in the world, other than finding something to eat for breakfast. But to be honest, I don't really want him to get up yet, at least not until I think of something to say for making things so... awkward. I can't help but to think that things are going to be really different now for some reason... especially if he wasn't quite as drunk last night as I thought he was.

For the second time in my life, things have gotten fucked up between me and my best friend because we've done stupid shit we don't think first about doing, only this time we had a spectator.

I hold the deep breath in my lungs and try to scope the worst possible outcome of all this in my head. But as soon as I look away and head into the kitchen area, I can already hear him shifting around, no doubt uncomfortable from trying to fit his long frame on such a narrow couch. Maybe I should have offered him my bed to crash in last night?

No. That would have been worse than my first idea. Goddamnit!

I pretend not to notice and continue to take out a bowl from the cabinet, all though by the groan of his stretch, I know for sure that he's awake now. Makes me wonder if he knew I was looking at him that whole time? I should say something. Something to make it sound like I've forgotten about everything and it's just a regular, normal Saturday morning.

"Do you want any break-" The click of the bathroom door cuts me off before I can get a word in. Looks like he's avoiding it, too.

C'mon, it's stupid to be acting like this. It was so fast, he probably didn't even notice... but what if he did? What if he's pissed off at me? I shouldn't have done what I did. What was I fucking thinking?!

I can feel the thoughts in my head crackle as I splash ice cold water on my face, trying to flush the hang-over out of my body and rationalize my completely fucked up behavior from last night's failed attempt at living out an unrealistic fantasy. The taste of stale wine in my mouth reminds me how dehydrated I am from so much alcohol, and the pounding in my head reminds me that I am never going to do any of this again. Ever. I'm not listening to Trunks, I'm not bringing home girls, I am certainly never having another drink, and I'm not opening my mouth ever, ever again.

Just how do I get myself into shit like this anyway? It's pretty much a given that I've screwed things up with Marron beyond all repair, since Dende knows she'll never want to speak to me again after what happened, much less live here. I should be planning to grovel on my hands and knees and try and take everything back. For making her feel like a cheap whore while me and Trunks took advantage of her like we did, instead thinking about her feelings for a second and make her feel comfortable in her new situation.

But for some reason, I can't get my mind off of the other problem waiting for me in the other room. Waiting for me to finish washing up so he can corner me at the kitchen table and ask me a million questions I don't have answers for any more than he does. A problem I'm going to have to look in the face and explain to why I damn near gave a hickey to in front of someone else.

I strain to hear the refrigerator open and close. Some fumbling with silverware. Shake of a cereal box?

He's waiting for me to come out of the bathroom, but I'm dreading going out there. What am I going to say? Should I really pretend nothing happened? I knew I should have gotten a better look at his face when I woke up before I holed myself up here, but I felt sick to my stomach at the thought of having to explain what happened in my drunken stupor. Because that is what is was - a simple act of alcohol influence. Yeah. Both the agreeing to the world's stupidest plan and me... oh, fuck.

I twist the faucet off and run my hands through my hair with the extra water on my hands, taking a deep breath to focus the erratic heartbeat from pounding out of my chest. Gather your thoughts, Goten. But a quick look in the mirror before I head out turns into a long, hard stare into black eyes I don't think I recognize anymore. To be perfectly honest, I don't know what I'm seeing here. Have I changed that much lately? I mean, I still look the same - I'm still Goten - but something is different about everything. I don't know whether to be disgusted with myself, or ashamed.

Or worried?

I clear my head and take a deep breath, and slowly open the door with the most extreme caution, full knowing that Trunks is probably waiting for me on the other side to barrage me with uncomfortable questions about my actions last night. But to my complete surprise, I'm wrong.

Already dressed out of his pajamas and back into the same clothes from last night, save a clean tee-shirt from who-knows-where, I find him standing at the counter with his back faced to me, arms crossed, looking down to the empty bowl and cereal boxes in front of him like it's the most interesting thing in the room. His shoulders tense for a moment before he reaches up to open the cupboard.

He's uncomfortable? Please tell me he wants to avoid this as much as I do.

I force my legs to walk towards the kitchen, doing everything humanly possible to act cool about being in the same room with him as I take a seat on one of the bar stools around the island. Granted he hasn't even turned around to face me yet, but I'm somehow don't think that selecting a box of cereal is all that complicated for him to be staring in the cabinet for so long like he is. Avoid it. That's right, it never happened.

But just as I work up enough nerve to blurt out something as far away from the subject as I possibly can, another element enters the room to make it ten times worse than it already was. I almost choke on my swallow. "Hey, Marron," I manage crack out under my breath, sounding as pathetic as I feel. "Sleep well?" Before the question even leaves my mouth, I'm already kicking myself for asking.

She doesn't need to answer - the silent shrug screams that she didn't.

I absorb all of my attention into anything in front of me on the table, I silently hold my breath as she slowly sits down next to me, tucking loose strands of hair behind her ear and looking down to her lap. She seems even more timid than when I first saw her yesterday afternoon - not the Marron that opened up and finally felt like herself.

A full minute goes by of waiting for the inevitable.

Her words are quick and to the point, but she avoids eye contact nonetheless. "Why didn't you guys tell me?"

It's enough to finally make Trunks turn around from the cereal choices. "Tell you what?" His voice is obviously suspicious at the question, but manages keep his tone under control. I should stop this discussion before it starts, but once I look up to see the odd look he's giving me, I decide to keep my mouth shut. I'm good at explaining reasons. Trunks is better at excuses.

"That... you know... the two of you..."

"The two of us what, Marron?" he snaps, now a lot harsher than before.

Here we go.

She hesitates before continuing, but I can already tell where she's going with this. From past experiences alone, I know Trunks is going to fly off the handle on her like everyone else that seems to want to make our private lives their business, even if they're always wrong about us. I've seen him do it to reporters, his sister, the flavor of the week, even his mother. I don't want him to do it to Marron, but for whatever reason, I let it continue like a train wreck waiting to happen.

She blushes. "That you two are... you know, together... like with with each other. But you don't have to worry - I won't tell any-"

He slams the cabinet door shut next to his head and she nearly jumps from her chair,. Trunks glares at her with a clenched jaw. I know him too well not to know that he's trying really hard to suppress his temper so that he doesn't tear into her - the temper reserved almost exclusively for people who think we're something we're not. He has no patience for this. His hands grip the edge of the counter hard enough so that it cracks from the force, anger heating the room. Don't do this. Not to her!

"I-I mean..." her voice shakes in panic as she tries to explain her accusation. "I know that... you t-two are close and everything... I mean, everybody knows that you've always had that bond between the two of you that-" She stops short with a sharp breath.

To my surprise, and without saying anything in our defense, he pushes off from where he was leaning and snatches his keys off the counter. No argument. No screaming. No nothing. Just a quick, cold glare in my direction as he walks over to the door, slides the heavy steel open with one jerk, and slams it closed unnecessarily hard behind him as he storms out. Leaving me to explain whatever it is I have to explain to the confused, and scared frozen girl sitting next to me.

I focus back down to an empty glass in front of me, waiting for the reaction to his outburst to come. Neither of us say anything, all though I don't make any attempt to run after him either. I'm not stupid - I know he needs time to cool off before I go out to find him. Besides, I think there's explaining to do here.

I can hear the second hand of the clock tick on the wall.

"I guess you're going to ask me what that was all about," I say idly, still not looking away from the counter top. "Am I right?"

There's a long silence again before I hear the weakest little response. "I... d-don't understand."

She's not the only one.

I slowly turn my head to look beside me and her eyes are already fat with tears that are just waiting to fall, holding on to fistfuls of her pajama pants in some desperate attempt not to cry in front of me. Suddenly, my chest feels heavy at the sight of what exactly we've done to her. For everything - for taking advantage of her, embarrassing her, for confusing her, and now scaring her enough so that she'll probably want to go home and never talk to either of us again.

I don't want this to happen.

"Marron," I think for a second of what I about to do. "I think I should tell you some things I left out yesterday, but you have to promise you'll never repeat it to anyone." I swivel my chair to face her and lean in closer, trying not to make this sound as bad as I know it will. "...especially not to Trunks."

Her eyes widen at my implied tone, and I decide to tell her everything. Well, almost everything.

Over the next hour and a half, I tell her nearly all there is to tell about me and Trunks. About growing up and living together. The real reason he moved out of Capsule Corporation. Why I decided not to go away to college despite my mother's wishes, just so I wouldn't have to be so far away from him anymore. It sounds so weird hearing it all out loud for the first time, even though nothing I tell her isn't the absolute truth. But as much as I try to explain what our situation exactly is, I still can't explain why we tried to take advantage of her last night, or why Trunks bolted the second she jumped to the wrong conclusion about us. I mean, when you break it down to actual facts, we can be a little misleading, and that's not even counting half of the stuff we do with each other that nobody is ever going to find out about! It makes being careful with my words extremely critical to my case.

"I think it's just that I... I really need him, Marron. It's the only way I can describe it. I stopped trying to understand it a long time ago, and this is just how we are. I need him in my life and...I don't think I exist without him. We keep each other together and... complete." I lose myself in my thoughts the more I contemplate it. "We've been friends for so long... we're just comfortable with each other on different levels than most people are, I guess. There isn't any way to explain it other than Trunks is everything to me. He always has been."

Saying all this out loud is making me begin to wonder when exactly this need for him became so strong.

As usual, her smile is warm and genuine. I'd trust her with anything. "I promise, Goten - I won't ever tell anyone. Your secrets are safe with me. I think it's awesome that the two of you are so close," she tells me, honestly in awe of our situation that has - up to now - gotten nothing but dirty looks and disapproving eyes from the rest of the world. Her warm smile slowly fades inward, no doubt thinking of the comparison to her own life. "I never had anyone to connect with like that. Not like the two of you do." She hugs her knees into her chest. "You're really lucky to have each other."

I reach out to take her hands, and notice how soft her skin feels in comparison to my calloused palms. A lifetime of training and work compared to this smooth, untouched beauty that some incredibly lucky man has yet to find. "You have us, Marron. We care a lot about you. I know that Trunks was mad before, but he'll forget all about it once I talk to him." I lower my voice, looking right into her eyes. "I want you to stay with us here. We'll take care of you."

There's still something else that needs to be said.

"And about last night... I didn't, I- I mean we..."

She stops me from continuing. "Goten - It's okay. Really. I... understand. I'm... I'm just not ready for that. I'm sorry I panicked. It's not that I don't appreciate the attention - because I do - and the two of you are incredible and sexy and... everything anyone could want, but..." she forces a tiny smile under a nervous laugh to make light of the situation, "... something like that... It's just... alot. I think I'm just a one-guy-type of girl."

I crack a smile with her and draw her into my arms without a second thought, holding her tightly as she wraps her arms around my back and drops all the tension she's been holding since last night. I care about her so much now and I wouldn't want anything to happen that would jeopardize the connection between us. I, more than anyone, can understand how lonely it feels being in this city sometimes, trying to make it on your own and prove that you're capable of making something of yourself. To not be able to admit that you need someone more than you should, and to live everyday without the most basic feelings that you don't know how much longer you can live without. Doing something desperate and irrational to satisfy it the minute you stop thinking. Praying you didn't take it too far.

"I'm going to make all of this up to you, Marron," I whisper in her hair as I kiss the side of her head, holding her protectively to my chest. "I don't exactly know how, but I will. I promise. I will always be here to take care of you."

Warm tears silently soak through my shirt, but I know she doesn't want me to know that she's crying. Gently, I smooth my hands over her back and shoulders, snuggling her tiny frame into mine, and now realize that above anything else, I want her to be happy. Her head tilts up to look at me, cheeks stained wet from her crystal blue eyes as beautiful as Trunks'. Suddenly, I remember what is most important.

"You gonna stay with us?"

"Yeah. I think so."

Cool, crisp wind from over the mountains blows my hair into my eyes as the grass on the empty field below ripples in neat waves. Within the hour, the sun will be covered by those gray clouds over the hills, already moist with the smell of rain that wants to fall. I don't get out here much anymore. I can't even remember the last time I've gotten out of the city to breath clean air. Fresh grass. Old trees. No city. No problems. No worries. I used to come out here all the time with Goten when we were younger. After sparring in the woods to watch the sunset, sitting on the edge of this cliff and falling asleep in the sun.

Before I became a slave to a company I inherited that I couldn't give a fuck about.

Life used to be simple, without all of the bullshit that I have to go through to get even two seconds to relax and enjoy what's left of my life. I miss training and practicing with him. Learning new things and testing our limits to become what we're supposed to be. To remember what it's like to be a Saiyan and to be proud at having mastery of my weapon, not be some guy who has to please everyone but me and the one person I care about the most.

I want my old life back.

I'm so zoned out with feeling sorry for myself, I don't notice him until he sits down on the patch of grass with me, wrapping his arms around his knees like I am doing right now. Neither of us say a word, but I know what he's thinking. I'm sure he can say the same. Sometimes, you can just feel someone's thoughts before they say them, or at least I always can with Goten. We sit for a while before I can feel him getting ready to ask.

I beat him to it. "I don't want to talk about it."

He doesn't reply.

I feel the need to explain - to justify the irrational temper unleashed in our kitchen for what probably seems like a stupid reason.

"I'm tired of going through all this with everyone all of the time, 'Ten. I just can't anymore. I'm tired of being judged by people who aren't going to ever get it."

"Then what do you want me to do?" he asks in automatic monotone, like we've done this too many times before. "It's how we look to people, Trunks. I can't stop that. And I don't care anymore what everyone thinks about us." He waits a beat before adding, "Especially Marron." He pauses for my reaction, but I don't give him one. "You shouldn't care either. It's how we are. It's how we've always been. "

Again, there's that long silence. My thoughts collect into something coherent. The very heart of the issue.

"Doesn't it bother you that people think we're bonded?" I ask flatly.

"What are you talking about?"

I roll my eyes at the fact that he's acting like he doesn't know what I mean. I normally forget that his dad isn't exactly up on his heritage, but Dende, he has to know what I'm talking about here. "Bonded, Goten. That people think that we've bonded to each other."

He turns to face me with that blank stare of his, but perhaps he really doesn't know. "I... have no idea what you're trying to say. Explain."

I hunch my shoulders over and take a deep breath, not sure whether I'm more embarrassed that I have to explain this to my twenty-four-year-old friend, or annoyed that he truly doesn't even know. "That we've bonded to each other. Like Saiyans. Life mates. Bonding yourself to one person for the rest of your life. Please tell me you know what that means."

"Like fusing?" he adds, clearly not on the same page as me with this. "We haven't fused in years, Trunks. And nobody even really knows about that. I don't think people think we've 'bonded', or whatever. There's only, like, ten people on the whole planet that knows we're Saiyans."

I give up.

"Forget it." I cover my face with the palms of my hands in defeat. "Forget I said anything."'

"Trunks, listen to me. I know we're not like other people, but I don't care anymore. Do you? Do you really give a shit what other people think about us?" He edges closer to me, casually putting his arm around my shoulders. "I like what this is," he motions to the space between us. "And I don't care that there isn't a label for it. It's just how things are. Who gives a fuck what people say? They wouldn't understand even if they did know..."

I can sense he's cut himself short from what he really wants to say, and I'd almost say he's forcing back a smile, but he straightens his expression to act more serious. We've never exactly talked about any of this out loud before, so there isn't really a proper way to do it, I guess.

"Listen, I... I don't know why I did what I did last night, but I didn't really give too much thought to it. It... just happened. Maybe a part of me just forgot it wasn't just us. I was just caught up in it." He turns to face me. "But I'm not ashamed about it. I don't feel shame or embarrassment or anything like that with the things we do together. I am mad at myself for doing what we did to Marron, but I'm not sorry for what I did... to you... at the end there. I was... I don't know. It was what I wanted to do."

My eyes widen at what I'm hearing, but I try to not look so surprised for him bringing it up. I let him go on.

"I mean, we've been doing more serious shit with each other since I've been fourteen. Is this really any different?" he questions quietly like someone's going to hear. "I just ... stopped thinking about it. And it felt good. That's what it's all supposed to be about, isn't it? That's why we do all of this stuff in the first place."

I turn to face him. Things have been put into a new perspective. "I know."

He cracks a familiar smile, giving a light squeeze around my shoulder as we laugh about it. Maybe this is just how things will always be between us? I think I've known it all along. Things have never been 'normal' between us, why stop now? I know I need this part of us. I need him.

"Well," I say with a heavy breath, changing the subject to something more pressing. "How's Marron, anyway? Is she okay? About me leaving like I did?"

"Yeah, she'll be fine. I talked with her. She was just a little - you know - about last night. But I think she's all right," he tells me truthfully. "I think she was more worried about upsetting us, which makes me feel even worse about what we were going for with all of that. She doesn't deserve bullshit playing. She deserves someone who will take care of her." He adds to himself. "She's a lot lonelier than she lets on."

Our thoughts about our actions drown out the wind now picking up over the field below us. The rain is getting close. I know we should start heading back, but for some reason, I can't get it all out of my head. We'll probably never going to get the opportunity to share someone like that. I smile sadly at the thought.

Despite all that's happened, I playfully poke him in the ribs to taunt about the missed opportunity. After all, Goten's still a guy like me under that innocent, do-gooder Son persona he tries to pull off all of the time. I know exactly what we would have liked. How could he not?

"Would have been awesome to do something like that with you, 'Ten. Considering... you know," I smirk. "Just saying, it would have felt pretty fucking good."

He laughs with me, breaking the nice guy-mold for just a second, enough to see his other less-innocent feelings on the matter. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess it would have," he agrees, pulling his arm away to adjust where he's sitting so that he can sit back on his hands, taking in the beautiful late-day sun behind the clouds over the mountains, and the glory of that very delicious thought. I can hear the snap of the blades of grass he's pulling out of the dirt, probably trying to play off the disappointment that it will never happen. "But to be honest with you, she wasn't going to go through with it anyway. She told me."

"What did she say?"

"That she's a 'one-guy-girl'. We didn't have a chance from the start, regardless of how smooth you might be, Briefs," he jokes. "But, yeah, it would have been... something."

I think for a minute about that.

One-guy-girl.

One?

"You know," I ask bluntly. "There is something we could do we haven't done in a couple years, huh?"

He doesn't take his focus away from the view, remarking idly to my statement without explanation. "Yeah, I guess it has been a few." But it only takes a moment before it really sinks in. His eyes widen once I know he's caught on to my lead. Slowly, he turns to face me with untrusting eyes. His lips part for words of objection or reason, but nothing comes out.

"So, 'Ten... Do you think you still remember how?"