RESEARCH
(A/N: I put this story up without editing it properly; it's been about four hours now since the plotbunny hopped through my brain, so forgive me if there are some errors).
Alyssalaurehiril Rosemoonflower, aka Hilary Smith, aka Mary Sue, wandered down the Forest Path, excitement in her eyes. Mirkwood really was pretty, and she had trouble understanding why everyone seemed afraid of it. Little was she to know that Eryn Lasgalen in the early Fourth Age was quite a different place to Mirkwood of the Third Age, when shadow still crept through it from the den of the Necromancer further to the South.
Alyssalaurehiril's destination lay far from Sauron's old haunt – she was headed for the dwelling of the King of the Wood-Elves in the North-East. She looked forward to her meeting with he whom she was sure would be her future father-in-law with glee. For Alyssalaurehiril – let's call her Alyssa from now on to save time – had spent a long time preparing for this moment. She was a member of the ASPNMS's, which stood for Association of Self Projections, Not Mary Sues. "My character isn't a Mary Sue, my character isn't a Mary Sue, my character isn't a Mary Sue" was their mantra, and they would chant it over and over again to each unfortunate reader who stumbled across the regurgitated paper-mache they referred to as stories.
Anyway, Alyssa had spent many a long hour fantasizing about how she would make her grand appearance in Middle Earth. Yes, many a maiden had managed to jump through time and space to appear in Arda, pursuing many an eligible love interest, and quite a few ineligible ones too. But Alyssa was different. She was a very original person, if she did say so herself. She had chosen to be an Elf for her great appearance, for that was just more realistic than a half-Elf or a half-hobbit, or even a leaf nymph, you know? She had selected a beautiful white gown which rivaled the regality of Galadriel's, and had chosen beautiful long silvery-blonde hair. It would be easier to pass herself off as a Lothlorien Elf this way, after all they were all blonde in the movie. And her eyes were mauve with flecks of blue and green and pink, for like I said, Alyssa was a very original person.
She had her eye on one Legolas, Elf of Mirkwood. She had no idea how such a beautiful prince had remained single for so long, but she knew she was the one to put his lonely nights to an end. She had chosen to appear in Middle Earth approximately 10 years after the Ring was destroyed, as she presumed that was a decent amount of time to allow the last Orcs to die off, and for all the characters to get over their trauma at all the events in Lord of the Rings. So she was on her way to the Hall of the Wood-Elf King, to present herself to him, to win his heart and the heart of his son. She knew that a part of marrying the son of King of the Wood-Elves was that one day she would become Queen of Mirkwood. However that was a burden she was willing to bear.
Alyssa had read The Hobbit at least twice before landing in Arda, and seen all the movies like, tons of times. She had attempted to read Lord of the Rings too, however hadn't gotten past Tom Bombadil, as strangely she had kept falling asleep every time she tried to understand the mysterious writings of the Professor. However Alyssa was a true romantic; what did knowledge matter when it came to true love?
She kept on; her feet were a tad sore, but she knew it was all worth it. And sure enough, soon she was faced by a group of Wood-Elves guarding the area surrounding the cave. She advised them that her name was Alyssalaurehiril, and she was come to visit and serve their King. They seemed wary, but led her further down the path and over the bridge, and through Thranduil's magic doors.
Alyssa had not expected Thranduil to be so scary close up. He was quite an imposing figure, and she understood now why the Dwarves had feared him. He was quite pretty, actually – she knew where Orlando Bloom must have gotten his good looks from. He wore clothes of brown and green, and his flowing blonde hair was crowned with a wreath of spring flowers. He regarded her with kindness, but seemed hesitant, as he raised on eyebrow.
"Welcome to my Hall, Lady Alyssalaurehiril" he said, struggling to get out her name. He was not used to pronouncing such syllables together. "What brings you to my realm?"
Alyssa did not see that his words were more welcoming than his body language, and thought this response was good news. She curtsied.
"I come to greet you, my King" she said. "And to offer my services".
"Pray" replied Thranduil, glancing at one of his advisors, "what services are those?"
"I come to assist you in keeping the darkness away from the realm" she said.
Thranduil paused.
"The darkness has retreated, my lady" he said. "Although I do appreciate your offer. Where do you hail from? And why do you speak the Common Speech?"
Alyssa wished she had thought longer before dropping into Middle Earth; she had thought everyone would presume she was from Lothlorien, and now realized how easily that could be verified. She hoped he wouldn't ask her to start speaking Elvish, or something. Just then, her training as a SPNMS kicked in.
"I have a tragic past" she said, trying to force a solitary tear to squeeze out. "It pains me to discuss my upbringing. However now I am ready to be a servant of the great King of the Wood-Elves".
Thranduil looked at her for a long time. Any visitor who was reluctant to tell him where they hailed from was suspicious. If Wood-Elves have a fault it is a mistrust of strangers; yet what one considered mistrust, another considered wisdom. He had not ruled his realm for more than 3000 years by being easily fooled. He frowned.
"I have many servants already" he said. "I thank you, but have no need of further services. You may return to your home".
This was not how it was supposed to go! He was supposed to say, "Yes, dear girl, come and save my realm and while we're at it, would you like to marry Legolas?"
"Your pardon, my lord" she said, hoping she was sounding Middle Earthy enough. "But where is the prince?"
Thranduil had been about to rise and retire, but now he stopped and his frown deepened.
"Why do you enquire after my son?" he asked.
She tried to smile sweetly. "I have heard of his prowess as a warrior" she said. "I had hoped to pass on my regards personally".
Thranduil gestured to his right. "Well, do so" he said. A tall Elf that had been standing behind the throne stepped forward. He looked like Thranduil, but with brown hair. He placed his hand on his heart and gave a gentle bow.
"Mae govannen, Lady.........my lady" he said, unable to remember her lengthy name. "I am the Prince Laegrond".
Alyssa stared at him. Her face fell.
"Who?" she demanded.
Thranduil stood now, and moved next to the Crown Prince.
"Here is my son Laegrond" he said. "So pass on your regards".
"No!" Alyssa snapped. "I didn't mean him. I meant the Crown Prince! The one who is your heir!"
"Aye" Thranduil said. "Here is my heir. Who are you that you dispute who Laegrond is?"
Alyssa realized Thranduil's look was now anything but friendly.
"But Legolas is supposed to be King when you die!" she exclaimed.
With a flick of his wrist, Thranduil ordered the Elves behind Alyssa to seize her. They pulled her hands behind her and bound her wrists, while she began to shout.
"No! Leave me alone! I am going to be your princess! Get your hands off me!"
"Silence!" Thranduil barked. "You have proven yourself untrustworthy by your own words. I do not know why you desire to see my younger son, but until you begin to speak some sense, you shall be locked in the dungeons. Put her away!"
"No!" Alyssa screamed as the Elves dragged her backwards.
"Ada, what a strange visitor!" Laegrond said. "Why did she mention your death?"
"I know not, nin ion" said Thranduil. "I do not understand whether she is disillusioned, or a sorceress of some kind. But she does not worry me! Within my own house, no amount of witchery can prevail".
A demure but nobly-dressed Elf-maiden took some steps towards the two, and put her arm through Laegrond's.
"Why did she mention being the princess, meleth nin?" she asked. "Do you think she intends me harm?"
Laegrond turned to her. "Fear not, nin hervess. Ada is wise and powerful".
Thranduil looked at the future Queen of Eryn Lasgalen and smiled. "Your husband is right, nin iell. Many strange visitors have come through my magic doors, but their schemes have always been unearthed".
Alyssa was kept in the dungeon for approximately a week, although she convinced herself it must have been months. Thranduil must really be evil, just like all those fanfics said! She had never fully believed it, and always thought he would love her as his own. After all, she was an Elf too. He had only locked the Dwarves up coz they were Dwarves, right? Right?
As time went on she thought more and more about where Legolas was. Had Thranduil tortured him, or sent him on another dangerous errand? She knew not, but what she did know was that she must locate the fair prince and rescue him. She had come into Middle Earth to end his loneliness, and she was going to do it.
One day, Elves came and took her from the dungeons, out into the forest. They marched her out of the Wood, until they were clear of the trees, and removed her bonds. Then without a word, they ran back to the cover of the foliage, and she saw them no more. She had been kicked out of Mirkwood.
"Shit" she said.
She saw before her a stream flowing, and the shimmer of a broad lake, and several hundred small buildings. That must be Laketown; she had read about the place in the Hobbit. Perhaps Legolas had been banished to Laketown, and that's why the Elves had kicked her out at this very spot? Either way she knew it was a town of Men; those of her own true race might be nicer to her than Elves. And she did need some shelter for the night. She set out.
It was almost dusk when Alyssa came to the door of the least-threatening looking inn in the town called Dale. This place wasn't as bad as Bree in the movie, but it sure came close. Alyssa felt a bit scared going into one of these places, but it was better than sleeping in the gutter or a field. She pushed open the door.
The din stopped the moment she entered, and she knew her pointy ears gave her away. And her white dress was now a light brown colour, and torn in a few places, and she looked nowhere near the Lady that had graced the doors of the Wood-Elf King. With all eyes on her, she walked over to the bar very slowly, hoping no-one tried to lay a hand on her. Was this what all clubs were like in the Middle Ages?
As she took a seat on a stool, the murmuring began again, and she knew the Men were talking about her. The innkeeper stood looking at her, wiping a glass with a rag, and finally said, "Far from home are we, lass?"
Her eyes met his. Could she use her Elvish looks to charm him?
"One might say that" she said. "Pray, might I obtain a meal and a warm room for the night?"
"Rooms are two shillings a night" the man said.
That was two more shillings than Alyssa had.
"Sadly I have no money" Alyssa said, trying to look vulnerable. "However I give you my word I will pay you back".
The innkeeper laughed out loud, and those in earshot sniggered. Alyssa frowned at being the object of their humor.
"Your word?" he asked. "Look here, luv. Elves are hard enough to trust at the best of times. You're only good for sellin' apples and butter too. And wine, o'course". He leant on the bar. "You don't get nothin' for free, you understand?"
She did not like the way he was looking at her. Middle Earth was not as innocent as the Professor made it look in the Hobbit!
"I assure you sir, I am not that kind of Lady" she said. "But I am a princess, and as soon as I am returned to my husband the Wood-Elf prince, I will pay you double what you bestow on me tonight".
It wasn't really a lie, was it? Sure, she wasn't married to Legolas yet – but she could be married to him. This man didn't know she wasn't. And it was only a matter of time.
"You're really a princess?" he asked. "Forgive me luv, but you don't look like one".
Alyssa decided now was the time to fabricate her tragic past.
"Oh, kind sir" she said. "Many a year I have been separated from my love. I am searching for him now, actually. I wonder, can you help me? Do you know where the youngest son of the Wood-Elf King has gone?"
He laughed again. "You expect me to know that? I know precious little about him. But you know who might know! Go see our King, he might tell ya. And he's a richer man than me; he might have the decency to put you up free for the night".
"Who are you, Elf-maiden?"
Alyssa smiled sweetly at King Brand the Second. He was actually kind of cute. He was younger than she expected, however she was not to know that he had become King as a boy, after his father King Brand the First was slain defending Dale during the War of the Ring.
"I am the wife of the younger son of the King of the Wood-Elves" she said. "Forgive me for troubling you at this late hour, my lord. But I require your assistance".
"And how might I assist you?" he asked. He glanced at her. "You look like no Elf-maiden I have ever seen before".
She was getting really pissed off with all this interrogating – why were these people making it so hard for her?
"I hail from far away, kind sir" she said. "Pray; do you know where my husband is?"
Once again she was laughed at. Once King Brand was able to regain control of himself he spoke.
"Why do you imagine I would know?" he asked.
"For you are a King of Men, and noble and kind" Alyssa said, hoping this kind of talk would stroke his ego. "And you have dealings with the Wood-Elf King. His son is missing, my lord, and my heart shall not rest until I am reunited with my love!"
King Brand laughed again for a long time.
"You are quite odd" he said. "I do not have very many dealings with the Wood-Elf King. Since I was crowned I have received word from him maybe three times, and have never met him. However, since you say you are wed to his son, I will try to help you".
Alyssa's eyes lit up.
"The only knowledge I have is this. It is said that the second son of the Wood-Elf King traveled South with some of his folk. As you would know he is well acquainted with King Elessar of Gondor" Brand said.
"Who?" she asked, then quickly said, "Oh, you mean Aragorn. Yes. They are best friends apparently".
Brand found this response odd also, but tried to cover his feelings, and continued.
"I have heard from King Drain, son of Dain, of the Dwarves in the Iron Hills, that this Elf now lives in Gondor" he said.
"Gondor?" Alyssa cried. Not only would she see Legolas, but she'd see those hotties, Aragorn and Faramir too! "I mean, yes, yes, we live in Gondor".
"Yes" Brand said slowly. "Drain was advised by his kinsman Gimli, son of Gloin, who as you also know is now Lord of the Glittering Caves in Rohan".
"Gimli lives in Rohan?" she asked.
Brand glared at her. "Are you really wed to the son of the Wood-Elf King?" he demanded.
"Yes, yes! Of course yes" she replied hastily.
Brand stood up. "Either you are lying, or you are insane. As I do not speak to liars or idiots, I will ask you now to leave my court".
"What?" Alyssa said. Bloody hell, how many times was she going to get this kind of response? "How can you ask me to leave? I'm not an idiot! You're an idiot! Idiot! "
At this remark, Brand's guards seized her and threw her out of Dale.
Three months later, a bedraggled figure arrived at the gates of Minas Tirith. It had taken her that long to make her way there from Dale – first of all, to figure out which way is South (apparently the sun rises in the East and sets in the West, not the other way around) and then to make her way down Anduin to the White City. She briefly considered dropping in at Galadriel and Celeborn's to ask them why the fuck they sent Haldir to Helm's Deep and let him die, as by that stage of her journey, her malnutrition was clouding her judgement. However she decided it would add too many extra days to her journey to find her Elven husband, and kept on course.
Before she had jumped into Middle Earth, she had planned what she would carry in her rucksack and thankfully she had 1 piece of lembas wrapped in a mallorn leaf. However that soon ran out, and she had to improvise in order to survive. She managed to catch some fish in Anduin, and considered eating them raw but was afraid she would end up like Gollum, and that way Legolas would not fall in love with her when he saw her. So she quickly learnt to light a fire, and thanks to the frequent rain, no large brushfires started as a result, so she made it South relatively safely.
By the time she made it to Minas Tirith she had major split ends and her dress was now a deep brown. "Aragorn!" she whispered hoarsely at the guards.
The Gondorian guards were alarmed at her state – who would leave such a young maiden to fend for herself! The poor thing. She fainted just as the gates opened, and was carried to the Houses of Healing for recuperation.
The next day she woke up feeling much better, except she was still hungry. In the corner were two serving women, speaking quietly. She groaned, and they stood up quickly.
"My Lady!" one of them cried, running out of the room. The other came to Alyssa's side.
"Hush, little one" she said. "You are safe now, in the Houses of Healing. The King said you would awake soon; he has already seen to you with athelas. Your ailments are disappearing. Sssh".
"King?" she asked, but was silenced when a beautiful figure appeared in the doorway. The maiden was tall, and wore a long mauve dress which Alyssa was immediately jealous of. She had long black hair which was straight, not curly, and pointed ears. Her face was full of concern and she wore a simple silver circlet on her head.
"Oh, child" said Arwen, coming to Alyssa's side. "You have endured much. But you are safe now. How do you feel?" Alyssa frowned at Arwen, and sat up despite the Queen's protests.
"You don't look like Liv Tyler!" she commented.
Arwen seemed thrown off by the comment, but smiled again. "Hush, lie down. You are confused and frightened, clearly. My name is Queen Arwen, and you are in the fair city of Minas Tirith. My husband and I and our ladies have tended you since you arrived yesterday. Where do you come from, child?"
Alyssa waited a long time before she spoke. She knew her story would not work on Arwen; she was an Elf herself. Just then, Alyssa decided she had enough of pretending. This thing was supposed to have taken maybe a few days; instead she had been looking for Legolas for months.
"Where's Legolas?" she demanded.
"Legolas?" Arwen said. "You know our dear friend, do you?"
"Know him?" Alyssa said. "I've been looking for him for months! You can't hide him, I know he's here! Produce him!"
Arwen concern for her patient grew. "Peace, child. You must rest".
Alyssa did not respond kindly to this, and swore at the Evenstar. In her plan she had hoped she and Arwen may become best friends – as two Elven princesses they would surely have much in common, but Arwen wasn't playing along.
"Listen, I have been walking around for months looking for that fairy, now bring him here so I can marry him!" she cried.
Arwen exchanged glances with her ladies. "She is much traumatized" she said. "I will get the King".
"Yeah, you go and get him so he can tell me where Thranduil banished Legolas to" Alyssa snapped, jumping out of bed as Arwen hurried out of the room. "You can't hide him from me!" she shouted after her.
Despite the two ladies asking her to return to bed, Alyssa located her old dress, which had been washed and dried and was white again. She took off the nightshirt the Gondorians had put her in, and slipped her wondrous gown over her head. She put on her shoes and ran her hands through her hair to get rid of the knots as best she could. Just as she was about to run out of the room to see where Arwen had gone, when an older man with a graying beard and shoulder-length hair entered the room, the Queen trailing behind.
"Oh good, you're here. I like your crown by the way. Where's Legolas?" she snapped.
King Elessar looked at her for a long time before he spoke. He was not nearly as hot as Viggo Mortenson, and did not have the American accent which appeared so sexy amongst all the put-on British ones that had been in the movie.
"Peace, child" he said. "You are too ill to be out of bed. Surely there is no matter that is so urgent it cannot wait until you are well?"
"I am well" Alyssa said. "I need to know where you have put Legolas".
Elessar had dealt with many strange creatures in his long life but did not have much experience with this kind of behaviour coming from an Elf. Or one who appeared to be an Elf.
"Why do you ask after Legolas?" he asked her. "Are you kin of his?"
"Not...exactly" Alyssa said. "Where is he?"
Elessar tried to choose his words carefully as he did not yet know where this Elf hailed from. She appeared to be neither Galadhrim, nor Wood-Elf. He had never met an Elf with purple eyes before.
"The Elven-lord of Ithilien dwells not in Minas Tirith" he said. "He lives with his people. Do you need to pass a message onto him? The Prince of Ithilien can assist you in that regard".
"I went to his home, he wasn't there, and his father kicked me out of the wood!" Alyssa said. "And what's Ithilien? What Prince? I just want to see Legolas!"
Clearly the maiden had never before been in Gondor, for she did not know what he meant when he referred to the province that Faramir ruled.
"Ithilien is East of here, and remains guarded thanks to the folk of our good Elven friend" Elessar said. "My Steward is Prince of the region. He can assist you if you must get a message to Legolas".
"Didn't the Steward set himself on fire and fall off the wall?"
Elessar paused.
"You are not well child; you must lie down" he said.
"No!" she snapped. "Where is this Steward, I want to speak to him".
"Faramir son of Denethor, at your service".
He definitely wasn't as cute as he was in the movie.
"Where's Legolas?" she asked.
"Legolas?" Faramir said.
"Yes. That's what I said. Legolas. Leg-o-las. You're the Prince of Athinian or wherever, where is he?"
Faramir looked at the King and Queen with concern. Elessar had advised him the maiden seemed to have sustained some head injuries before she had arrived at the White City; he was unsure how to respond to her.
"The Elven-lord of Ithilien dwells in Ithilien" he finally said. "Pray, how do you know him?"
"None of your business" she said. "Where's Athilien?"
"That land lies East of here, m'lady" Faramir said, and she suddenly began walking towards the door. He looked at the King. "Where is she going?"
The King gestured to the guards on the door who blocked her departure.
"I cannot allow you to leave, lady. You are still under our care" he advised her.
"Screw you! I take care of myself!" she exclaimed, and managed to weasel her way between the guards and out of the room.
"Stop her!" the King commanded, but Alyssa's new Elven agility enabled her to slip out of the guards' grasp.
She ran down the hall to where she could see daylight and found herself near a large open window, one story up. Below was a cobbled courtyard with several horses milling around, and the smell of hay and horse poop wafted up to her. She looked back to the approaching guards and could still hear the King shouting to prevent her escape.
"So long, losers!" she screamed, picking up her skirt and jumping out the window. She landed hard on the floor, less gracefully than most Elves would, but she remained unscathed. Looking up, she saw a beautiful bay horse standing, saddled and ready for riding.
"Bonus!" she said to herself, and scrambled up on the horses back. Without even a command, the horse took off, galloping through the streets of Minas Tirith and out of the front gates, that just happened to be open at the time.
Behind her came the enraged cry from the stable hands, "That She-Elf just stole the King's horse!"
Alyssa remembered which way was East, and set out. Those cliffs looked a little bit scary, so she rode North until she found a way around them. There was a small village nearby, and she decided she would not sit down to have any lengthy conversations with anyone anymore. She had one simple request – "Which way to Athinien?"
Thankfully, the villagers understood what she meant, and a man was even able to sell her a map. She bartered with him and made exchange for the map with one of the King's best daggers which had been ready in the saddlebag for the hunting trip he'd been planning to take with his son that afternoon. The villager was quite thrilled with the transaction, but she did not stick around long enough to explain how she managed to get such a wonderful dagger, nor such a beautiful steed. The villagers were not to know she had stolen their King's horse; they decided she was one of Legolas' kin attempting to locate him. For once, somebody assumed who she was and where she came from, without her needing to put forth her flimsy story.
In another 2 days she found herself near Henneth Annun, where the map said the Wood-Elves lived. She found her heart beating hard. This was it! She was going to meet her future husband, rescue him from his torturous father's punishment, save him from the stupid King and Prince Faramir, marry him, and have lots of Elven babies.
She made sure her hair was beautifully strewn about her shoulders, and practised a few medieval lines to impress the Elves with. Then she remounted the King's horse and continued down the path. She called out into the forest, "Mae govannon! My name is Alyssalaurehiril Rosemoonflower, and I seek the Prince Legolas!"
As if from nowhere, some Elves appeared on the path. They wielded bows and arrows were pointed at her, but she was not offended. Legolas was obviously smart. Living so close to Mordor, he needed to ensure his Elves were on their guard. Her future husband was good and wise, indeed!
She was taken to where a group of flets sat in the trees. The Elves were still guarded, but friendly and took the King's horse, advising that they would take good care of him. She climbed a rope ladder and the scene she saw surprised her no end.
"May we present to you, Lord Legolas of Ithilien" said one of the Elves from the party that had found her.
There were several Elves in the room, all standing for her except for one. Alyssa stared at the Elf sitting on a high wooden chair in the middle of the room. He was tall, and attractive, and smiled warmly at her. He........he was a brunette?
"Welcome, my Lady" he said, and stood, placing his hand on his heart and bowing. "It is a pleasure to receive on of our kin". When Alyssa said nothing, Legolas began to feel uneasy. "Is something wrong, lady?"
"No" she said shaking her head. Brown hair? Hmmm....and he didn't really look much like Orlando Bloom, either. Oh well. She could make her peace with that; he was still Legolas.
"Nay" she said again. "There is naught wrong. It is a pleasure to meet one I have heard so much about". She curtsied.
Legolas smiled. "My friends have been talking" he said. "I can see you have visited Minas Tirith. You must be someone of great importance for the King to loan you his very own horse. Either that or your errand is of great importance. How may I and my folk assist you?"
Alyssa didn't know Legolas had even seen her horse; Wood-Elves were weird. Shaking the thought off, she smiled.
"Actually, my lord, it is I who may assist you" she replied. She took a step closer to him, hoping her sweet smile was making him fall in love with her. "I have heard much about you, and long to serve the Elven-lord of Ithilien".
Before Legolas could have a chance to respond to this statement, one of the Elf-maidens standing behind Legolas' chair began giggling. Alyssa turned an irritated eye on her – how dare she laugh at her pledge of love and servitude towards Legolas, her pledge to he who would be her husband? But she wasn't the only one who was watching this maiden; Legolas had turned to her also.
"Meleth nin?" he said. "What is it?"
Alyssa frowned at this term of endearment. She didn't know what meleth nin even meant, but didn't like the way he was looking at this maiden.
"Pray, who is this fair creature?" she asked between clenched teeth.
"Oh, forgive me" Legolas said, and held a hand out to the maiden. "I present to you my wife, the Lady Gwirithal".
Alyssa's stomach fell to the floor and tried to run away.
"What?" she asked. "Your wife?"
"Yes. My wife" Legolas said.
Lady Gwirithal stepped forward. "Welcome to Ithilien, my lady" she said. "You must forgive me, I was not able to master the pronounciation of your name. Is it Quenya?"
Then Gwirithal giggled again and lay a hand on her belly – for the first time Alyssa noticed it was a soft, slightly protruding, rounded belly.
"Meleth nin!" Gwirithal said to Legolas. "The babe, he moves again!"
"What?" Alyssa screamed, startling Gwirithal, Legolas and all the other Elves in the room. Legolas looked at her strangely as he put a hand to his wife's middle.
"Are you well, dear lady?" he asked. Then his attention was taken away again by a movement of the tiny babe wihin Gwirithal. He laughed too. "Ai, he is active today, is he not?"
Alyssa began to back away, her mouth agape, her hands up as if in defence.
"I know I am dreaming" she said. She pointed a finger at Legolas. "You are not even married!"
Legolas frowned, as did Gwirithal. The other Elves in the room looked to their lord in alarm, shocked at this display of aggression from the strange maiden. Legolas had but only to give the command and they would remove her from his home.
"I assure you lady, I am married" he said. He stepped away from his wife and took a step closer to Alyssa, as if to protect his young family. "Why does this upset you so?"
Alyssa began to make a strange rasping noise in her throat.
"You – you were not married in the War!" she said. "I know you weren't".
Legolas looked incredibly puzzled. "I assume you mean the last War against the dark lord" he said. "I do not know what would make you think I was not wed whilst I and my comrades fought so recently. But I can assure you my wife and I have been wed for centuries. Now that the Shadow has passed we are joyous about the arrival of our first babe". He seemed utterly confused at this stranger's behaviour. "Is there anything I or my folk can do to help you, lady?"
Alyssa turned her nose up at this anti-climatic Legolas and his otherwise radiant wife.
"No" she said. "I am outta here!"
With that she turned and ran, climbing down the rope ladder and running through the trees, leaving the King's horse and some very confused Elves behind. Not far from Legolas' flet, she met her end when a party of warriors returning from the South mistook her for an Orc and put an arrow through her head. And the moral of the story is, never assume anything, and if you are going to jump into Middle Earth, do your friggin research first.
THE END
(A/N: This plotbunny came and bit me on the ass when I was lying in bed this morning, and it took me 3 and a half hours to write. If you notice, everything our Mary Sue wanted was denied her because she was too stupid to research Tolkien's works properly and made too many assumptions. Thranduil didn't love her like a daughter, Legolas wasn't the crown prince, our Mary Sue couldn't become queen, Legolas didn't even live in Mirkwood anymore, he was already married and beginning a family, and he wasn't blonde. Aragorn and Faramir don't even look like Viggo Mortenson and David Wenham. The good Professor has left many gaps in his work which is great because us fanfic authors can fill in those gaps; however just because Peter Jackson put Orlando Bloom in a blonde wig, doesn't mean Legolas is actually blonde. He could have purple hair for all we know, coz Tolkien never specified! And we don't know that he didn't have a wife when he left for Imladris; he isn't necessarily a bachelor Elf.
Oh and btw, contrary to what some fangirls believe, you cannot learn all there is to know about Middle Earth by renting the DVD).