Disclaimer: No.
A/N: Dedicated to dear, poor Suzanne. The river got you. We're sorry.
Of Cold Lotion and Cruel Rivers
By RRP and Alia G. L.
"Ada! We don't want the sun-lotion! It's white and cold!" Elrohir wailed, fists clenched resolutely at his sides. Elladan cried his agreement, flinging himself to the floor to avoid the hands of his father.
Elrond sighed, his hands covered with globs of the sun-lotion he had made to protect his sons from the burning summer sun. The seven-year-olds who so bravely climbed trees and attacked a Balrog-Slayer earlier in the day, feared a bit of chilled lotion.
"It's cold!" Elrohir repeated frantically, scooting backwards.
"It's white!" Elladan echoed, only to be kicked by his brother. "I mean, it's cold!"
"If you don't stop this nonsense, I'll make it pink instead of white, and then put it on you." Elrond offered, rolling his eyes.
The twins stopped and looked at each other, terror in their wide eyes. They both fled down the hall, shrieking.
"Amme! Amme! Ada says he's going to make us pink!"
The boys collided with a tall form moving in the opposite direction, and they clung to their newly arrived salvation. Without bothering to see who had saved them, they babbled on concerning the pink threat.
"Oh, really?" Glorfindel raised an eyebrow, and looked up at Elrond, who had followed the twins. The Peredhil shrugged, his hands still covered with the lotion.
"We don't want to be pink!" Elladan moaned, hiding behind Glorfindel. The golden-haired elf gazed at the little elfings, his eyes dark and serious.
"If you do not put on the lotion, I promise that the river will make you pink. And it will hurt."
"No!" Elrohir gasped, looking at the Balrog-Slayer with trusting eyes.
"Oh, yes." Glorfindel nodded solemnly. "The lotion saves you from the mean river. Your father is only trying to protect you. You don't want your mother to cry because she has pink boys, do you?"
The elfings shook their heads, and looked back to where Elrond stood with the offending lotion.
"Alright, Ada…" Elrohir sighed in a very exasperated and grown-up fashion. "But please, stop being so silly. Just tell us the truth, like Glorfindel, and we would not have these problems."
Elrond once more rolled his eyes, as he strode over and put one hand on each elfing, before they could change their minds. They squirmed as he rubbed the lotion into their fair skin, but did not attempt to flee again.
The Peredhil shot a grateful look towards Glorfindel, who rose to his feet and leaned over to whisper, "Yes, Elrond. Just tell the poor children the truth."
"When Celebrian hears of this," Elrond whispered in reply, "She'll have your head for feeding them more stories."
Glorfindel laughed and began to walk away, cautioning the boys, "Watch that you don't let the river get you. It is a cruel, cruel thing."
"We promise!" The boys replied in earnest, "We will not forget!"
"Come on, then." Elrond finished, and turned the boys around. "Go get your things. We need to leave soon if we plan to make it there in time to swim."
"But what about you, Ada?" Elladan asked with wide eyes. "Will you not protect yourself from the river?"
"Glorfindel forgot to tell you that the river only turns elfings pink. I am too old for it to bother." As soon as the words left his mouth, he realized his mistake. The twins walked away singing,
"Too old, too old, too old," to an odd tune from a song Celebrian used to sing them.
Before long, the threesome was happily on its way to the river.
Glorfindel looked up from the book he had been reading at the sound of panicked bawling. Two young voices were raised in a cry for help, the words nearly incoherent. Alarmed, fearing that something had indeed happened, he raced out of the room and towards the noise.
He met two sobbing twins, and a very flustered looking Elrond coming back from the river. Elrond was walking stiffly, and trying to calm the boys.
"What happened?" Glorfindel asked, voice raised in concern.
"The river got Ada!" Elladan howled.
"It turned him pink!" Elrohir shrieked. "What will Amme say?"
Glorfindel took one look at Elrond, as the Peredhil strode past with rigid shoulders.
"Don't. Even. Start."
And Glorfindel burst into peals of laughter.