Z: well...I just wrote this ...not sure where it was going. But let me know what you think of it. shrugs maybe not my best...but for some odd reason...i do like it.
Disclaimer: These things are rather bothersome...but oh well. I don't own digimon. or the characters.
It was his fault.
Or at least that was what he kept telling himself. Yet it was just the way his parents were all quiet around him, gazing at him with an unreadable expression that made him angry.
And hurt.
Yet Matt Ishida hid it best he could. Hiding what he really felt.
"Matt?" Came a quiet voice from below him, interuppting his thoughts.
"Hi, Tk," he replied, and decided that he'd come down from the top bunk and to his brother. He found the latter and climbed down it.
"Why are mommy and daddy fighting?" Tk asked as he curled up with his brother on the bottom bunk. His adoring gaze made Matt all warm inside.
"I . . .I don't know, Tk," Matt said, quietly. "Let's hope it's nothing too serious."
"You'll always be here with me, right, Matt?" Tk asked, his gaze full of hope that it made Matt's heart ache.
"Yeah. . .yeah, Tk, I'll always be here. I won't let anything happen to you." Matt answered.
"Promise?"
Matt smiled down at him. "Promise."
Yet it was a proise that Matt was forced to break. His father had barged in, glanced around looking to see where he was-- and grabbed Matt. Ignoring protests and crys, he ordered him to start packing some clothes.
"But, dad, why?" Matt asked, watching his father open a suit case and opened his dresser drawer for him.
"Because mommy and daddy don't want to live with one another," his father patiently explained. "And we'ved decided that she'll keep Tk and I get you."
"But-but I want to stay with Tk!" Matt protested.
"Well, you can't."
Matt knew he was defeated. He could tell. There was no room for argument--and if he did argue, he'd be in troulbe, that much he knew as well.
Sulking, he slowly took his clothes out and placed them in the suit case. Yet his father decided that his son was moving far too slow for him and started to help him out.
Matt decided that he'd just step aside and let his father do the packing. Obviously his ploy to stay longer did not work--and his father could see right through him.
Matt wiped away angry tears and knew that he'd resent his father years from now.
Finished, his father closed the suit case, grabbed Matt's hand and pulled him roughly out of the bedroom. Tk blinked, realizing his brother was leaving him.
He scrambled out of bed and called, "Matt! Matt, don't go!"
Matt only had enough time to glance behind him and reply, "I'll come back, Tk, I promise!"
With those last words, Matt was gone, his father was gone and the door was closed. Tk stood there staring at the door, hoping his brother would come back.
He felt his mother kneel down next to him and wrap an arm around his shoulders. They stood like that for awhile when Tk realized that his brother was not coming back.
Not now.
Not ever.
And he burst into tears, and his mother held him as he cried, telling him he'd be alright.
Matt stared at his new room, blankly. Sure, it was his and he didn't have to share it, yet. . .it felt empty.
Lonely.
He had no one to talk to, no one to watch over.
He sighed and sat on the edge of his bed, wondering what he was going to do. He pulled out his harmonica, fiddled with it for a few minutes and yawned. It wasn't that he was bored, he just didn't have anyone to play it for.
Tk loved hearing him play. Matt smiled, thinking of how Tk would beg and beg to hear him play.
And Matt played.
"Ok, Tk, I'm sorry," Matt whispered.
Suddenly angry, he ran out of his room, and soon out of his apartment. His dad wasn't home--as perusual, putting extra hours at the station.
Matt sometimes wondered if it was of him--no, he didn't wonder, he knew. His dad had avoided him ever since they left in a rush that night.
He also knew that his father did not want him. Nor his mother. He was unwanted, unloved and alone. Angry and bitter, he walked the streets, head down. He wasn't paying any attention to where he was going, nor did he care. Just as long as he was away from his new home--which he hated.
Hated with a passion.
He then realized that he hated his father. And mother--with a hot, strong passion.
Matt took off in a run, ignoring the angry protests of those he had bumped into, and continued to run.
He ran, fighting back angry tears. He ran trying to fight the urge to scream. He ran and found himself in a park, where there were kids with their loving parents. Loving, caring parents who wanted their kids.
He walked up to the waters edge and picked up a rock. Still angry, he hurled it as far as he could--and it went far. He heard a splash but didn't see it--he had closed his eyes and tilted his head up towards the sun.
"Matt?" Came a voice from behind him.
Startled, he spun around and quickly wiped the sudden tears from his face. Behind him was Tai and his younger sister, Kari.
He offered a weak smile. "Hey, Tai, Kari. . .what's up?"
The two exchanged glances but Matt didn't notice. He had stuffed his hands in his pockets and studied the ground, thinking.
"Where's Tk?" Kari asked, wanting someone to play with.
Matt froze. He tensed up and took a step back. "B-back home, with my mom." He answered shortly.
Tai tilted his head. "Why isn't he with you?" He inquired.
"I don't. . .don't live with my mother anymore." He answered stiffly. "My parents split a few weeks ago." A pause. "I live with my dad."
"Oh. I'm sorry." Tai said softly.
That did it. Matt kicked the ground angrily. He glared, his eyes cold and yet a touch of hurt was somewhere in them.
"It's not fair!" He yelled. "It's not fair! I miss Tk! I miss my brother!" He spun on Tai. "You get to live with your sister! You get to have happy parents who don't avoid you! Who care about you!"
Tai blinked, utterly surprise. He took a step foward, and place a hand on Matt's shoulder and said, quietly, "I don't think it's your fault, Matt. They just want to blame you."
He received a punch--but he wasn't surprised at that. Instead of punching him back, he grabbed the blonde's shoulders and spun him around to face him. He brought him into a tight hug.
At first Matt fought but quickly, for the first time, decided not to fight back. He knew Tai wouldn't give in and they both knew he needed to be held--even for a little bit.
"I'm always here for you, Matt." Tai whispered. "I'm your friend for life. You can't get rid of me."
And that was how Tai's mother found him. Tai holding a weeping Matt and Kari, hugging the both of them.
A few years later. . .
"Oy! Matt! What're you doing?" Shouted a voice from behind him.
Matt stopeed walking and saw Tai running after him. He grinned and laughed as Tai ran towards him, his backpack somewhat dragging behind him. He waited patiently, folding his arms over his chest.
"Hey, Tai," Matt said, once his friend was within hearing distance, "some soccer player you are!" He teased.
"Hush, you!" Tai replied back. He looked at Matt. "What're you doing? School is that way!" He pointed behind him.
"I don't feel like going." Matt said simply. He turned around and began to walk away from the school.
"What?! Matt!" Tai replied back, exasperated. "You're joking, right?"
"No." Matt answered, still walking. "Coming or not?"
Tai was torn--whether or not to follow his friend, get into trouble not only by the school but his parents as well--or just go back to school like a good kid.
Tai bit his lip, groaned and dashed after his friend. He caught up but didn't say anything. He just watched the blonde out of the corner of his eyes, wondering what Matt's deal was of late.
"Coming, I see," Matt replied. He dug into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.
"Matt!" Tai said, shocked. "When did you start smoking?"
"Few weeks ago." Came the reply.
He lit a cigarette up and took a long draw from it, his eyes half closed, an unreadable expression on his face.
"Why?" Tai asked, irked. He was getting annoyed--and worried--of Matt's behavior.
"I don't know, cuz I can." Matt shrugged.
"You're not eighteen--how are you getting them?"
"Stole them from my dad." There was bitterness in that sentence.
"Does he know?"
"Eh, probably. but I've not been home to see him to hear."
"Where've been staying?"
Another shrug. "Nowhere. The park. I come home late enough to avoid and leave early enought to avoid. Rather simple."
Tai blinked. "How long have you been skipping classes?" He asked, concerned.
"Oh, for awhile. I used to go to one or two but I decided, fuck, why bother."
"What's wrong with you?" Tai demanded. He grabbed Matt's arm and halted him to a stop. "You used to on the honor list. Now you're skipping school. What about band practice?"
Matt glared and exhaled smoke into Tai's face, who coughed. "Skipping that, too." He answered smoothly.
"What is your deal?" Tai exploded.
"What care is it of yours?" Matt shot back.
"I'm your friend!" Tai yelled.
"Right. And a good one at that." Matt snapped. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got buisness to attend and you can be a good boy and run back to school."
Matt then twisted his arm out of Tai's grasp and stalked away, leaving a very confused and flustered Tai behind.
"Tai? You wanted to talk?" Tk called as he and Kari made their way across the soccer field.
Tai nodded then angrily kicked the ball, scoring a goal. He stood there, glaring at the ball, as if it was responsible for his anger and for Matt.
"Whoa, chill out, big brother," Kari said gently. "What's gotten you in a heap?"
"Matt." Came the answer.
Tk and Kari exchanged glances and Tk sighed. Tai noticed and said, "What do you know?"
"Nothing." Tk answered, quietly. "Except his rotten attitude and his skipping of school and band practice."
Tai nodded. "Do you have any clue why he'd be acting like this?"
"Nope, none at all."
"Dammit!" Tai exploded.
"What're you not telling us, Tai?" Kari asked, examining her brother closely.
"Nothing." Tai lied.
"Liar." Kari called him on it.
"How do you know I'm lying?" Tai snapped.
"Heh, your left eyebrow twitches a little." Kari answered, promptly.
"Dammit."
"You shouldn't swear." Tk teased.
"So tell us." Kari chided.
"Well, I asked him what his deal was," Tai explained, "and he retorts 'what care is it of yours' and I told him, well, because I'm his friend." He paused. "then he grows cold or something and snaps back, 'Right and a good one at that.'"
"He said that?" Tk asked in surprise, his blue eyes growing wide.
"Yeah."
"Wow."
"I wonder what is eating at him.?" Kari mused, a chin resting on her chin.
"Maybe he isn't getting laid." Tai said, rather nastily.
"Tai!" Kari replied, apalled. "He's your friend!"
Tai hung his head. "I know, I know--he's just--I'm worried." He said softly.
Tk blinked. "He's still a virigin, right?"
"As far as I know, yes." Tai answered.
"Ok, good."
"Um, guys, Matt's sex life or lack of, is not the issue." Kari told them, hands on hips, gazing at them with a firm stare.
"Right." Tk replied and an evil glint showed in his eyes.
Tai and Kari noticed. Kari's hand immediately shot to Tk's mouth and hissed, "Don't you dare, Tk."
"What?" Tai asked, confused.
Tk grinned, Kari blushed and Tai noticed Kari avoiding his gaze. He groaned and ran both hands through his hair.
"Kari, don't tell me you told Tk!" He moaned.
"It--it slipped! I'm sorry, Tai!" Exclaimed Kari.
"Yeah, right," Tai muttered. "Whatever."
"He's started smoking." Tai said after a few minutes of silence. "Steals the smokes from his dad."
"I didn't know that," Tk said, shocked.
"Yeah, well, neither did I," Tai said, glancing up into the sky. "I'm worried, scared and, and I just want him to talk to me."
"Issues." Kari said, softly.
"What?" Tk asked and Tai glanced back at his sister.
"What's eating him. . .He's got issues. Issues of some sort and he can't or won't deal." Kari explained.
"Or doesn't know how to." Tai added.
"Well,what are they?" Tk asked, having a feeling that Kari was right.
"I--I don't know. I'm not Matt." Kari answered. "And he hides it so well--it'll be hard to tell."
Tk and Kari both looked at Tai who blinked at them in confusion. They smiled and Kari gave a knowing nod.
"What?" Tai asked, irriated.
"You may be the answer. Or at least, a push." Kari told him.
"A push--what?" Tai asked, raising an eyebrow.
"To find out why he's being a prick." Tk answered bluntly. "To open his eyes."
"Oh."
Kari gave her brother a kiss on the cheek and whispered, "Your love will cure him, Tai, I know it."
With that, the two left a blushing Tai to his own thoughts.
Matt didn't know how late it was until he climbed the stairs to his place and pulled out his watch. It read 3:29 AM. He swore. He usually came home around one or two in the morning.
"Dammit." He whispered. He fumled with his keys only to drop them.
He bent down to pick them up but felt defeated. He sighed and leaned agains the wall, slowly sliding down. He drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. His keys hung limply from his hands and for once, he was wishing Tai was nearing him.
Tai.
The boy he loved yet the boy he could not have. His best frind yet his enemy all at the same time.
Tai's concern and worry scared Matt. He didn't know why, it just did.
Why do I deserve it? Matt wondered. Why?
He bit his lip and glanced at the watch again only to see that it was 3:49 AM.
Only twently minutes has passed. He knew he should go in. He knew his dad was awake--as well as every night Matt stumbled in late--and would remain awake until Matt was in his room.
Yet--
--he hated his father. His mother.
But he hated his father even more. For allowing the divorce to happen, to take away his brother.
He knew he was to blame. He heared the silent arguements between his mother and father. The ones that were quiet yet heated and always stopped as soon as he was in sight.
He also knew that neither of them wanted to keep him.
And that hurt.
Matt squeezed his eyes shut and quietly banged his head against the wall. He refused to cry, refused to let the tears come.
Just then the door opened and Matt found himself staring up into his dad's tired, concerned face.
"Forget your keys?" Mr. Ishida asked
"No, I--, no." Matt stammered, caught off guard. "I dropped them and I just sat down instead."
Matt stood up yet was uncertain all of a sudden. His father noticed and grabbed Matt's arm and ushered him in, yawning.
"C'mon, son, go to bed. Night." Mr. Ishida said quietly, watching his son slink off to his bedroom.
He stood there after Matt had closed his door quietly and wished he knew what was wrong with his son.
Tai fidgeted with the end of his shirt, bit his lip and glanced behind him. Tk and Kari nodded encouragely and Tai sighed, knowing what he had to do.
Why me? Tai groaned to himself. Why do I have to care?
"Hey, Tai," Matt said, quietly, as he walked up to his brunette friend. He had noticed Tai had been waiting for him.
"Hey, Matt," Tai said, cheerfully. "How's it going?"
"Tai--stop." Matt said.
"Stop what?" Tai said, innocently.
"Stop caring!" Matt exploded and it attracted curious glances from those were walking by or were just near enough to hear.
"Why not?" Tai asked calmly. "I'm your friend, dammit. And I always will be. Even if you do stupid shit and push me away."
"Why?" Matt whispered. "Why even bother?"
"Cuz I fucking care! Cuz to me, you idiot, you are worth it!" Tai finally yelled.
Tai shoved Matt up against the wall and anyone who wanted to interfer knew that they shouldn't. They couldn't anyways, with Tk and Kari--they held anyone back who tried to break up the two.
Tai pinned Matt against the wall, hard. Matt couldn't escape even if he could or tried. Matt tried to look away but found that he couldn't. He felt compelled to gaze into Tai's endless brown eyes that held so much concern and warmth--that scared the blonde.
"Whatever issues you have, Matt, please, please deal with them." Tai pleaded softly. "You're hurting yourself. . .worrying your dad. . .and friends. And--and scaring me."
Matt blinked, feeling cold. "Scaring you, Tai?" He asked and tears formed into his eyes. He didn't want that. For some odd reason, he didn't want Tai to be scared.
"Yes," Tai whispered. "I care about you. A lot. You are my best friend."
"E-even though I've shut you out--?"
"Yes!" Tai said with such force that Matt flinched with surprise.
"I'll help you deal with whatever is troubling you." Tai offered. "I want to help you. I want . . .the Matt I knew back."
"Okay. . .okay." Matt whispered. "For you, Tai, for you. I'm . . .I'm sorry."
Tai smiled sweetly. Matt's heart ached, hating the fact that he caused his best friend--yes, his best friend--such concern and worry.
"Matt?"
"Hmm?"
Tai had loosened his hold on the blonde yet hadn't let go.
"Remember a couple of years ago--when I found you at the park?" Tai asked softly.
Matt blinked, that forgotten memory coming too late.He nodded slowly and replied, "After my parents got a divorce? And I took it rather hard?"
"You still do. . . In fact, I think its apart of your, ah, issues." Tai told him reasonably.
Silence. Matt had a feeling Tai was correct and he looked away, and nodded slowly.
"You're probably correct--but that isn't what you were getting at. . .was it?" Matt responded.
"Well, no. . .but do you remember that day? How I--I took you in my arms and held you while you cried?" Tai said quietly.
Matt nodded.
"And what I told you?"
"That you--you'd always be here for me, you're my friend for life--" Matt said slowly, as the words were coming back to him.
Tai nodded and fisnished, "That you can't get rid of me? It's true, Matt. Always will be and that'll never change."
"Oh. ..Tai," Matt cried and really wanted Tai to hold him once again and let him cry on his shoulders.
Somehow Tai sense this. He wrapped his arms around Matt's shoulders and pulled him close. He whispered into his friend's ears, "Let it go, Matt, let ig to. . .I'm here."
And Matt did.He silently sobbed and clinged to Tai as if his life depended on it.
Mr. Ishida found his son at the kitchen table, studying his hands. His eyebrows raised in surprise in actually seeing his in broad daylight and at home. And waiting for him.
"Hey, Matt," Mr. Ishida said, taking the chair across from his son. "What's going on?"
"Can. . .can we talk?" Matt asked, hesitantly, finally looking up and locking eyes with his dad.
Mr. Ishida was even more surprse to see turmoil in his azure eyes. He tilted his head and answered, "Of course, Matt, of course. . ."
And Matt talked. About everything and anything that was on his mind. What he was feeling and what he thought. From anything important and to something so little and unimportant. By the end of their talking, Matt found himself drained yet content--
And Mr. Ishida-- well, he was proud that his son finally came to him and talked. And was so open about it.
"So all is well?" Tai asked, crashing next to Matt on the ground under their tree.
Matt smiled. "It's. . .going. It's a start. I talked to my band--they're taking me back. Wondering when I'd wake up." He paused. "I also talked to my teachers. They can't give me all the make up work, but they said they'd do what they can to help me out." He smiled. "Thanks, Tai. . .for everything."
"Ah, thank Tk and Kari, actually," Tai replied, blushing. "I went to them and Kari said I'd be a push."
"Heh. She was right." Matt said, thoughtfully. "Only you, Tai, only you."
"Only I what?"
"Could get to me?"
"Why?"
"I--I don't know."
"You do."
"Maybe."
"Tell me," Tai implored, letting his eyes get all wide and puppy like.
In which Matt fell for. "Cuz. . cuz I love you." He said softly.
He quickly turned away but Tai was faster. He grabbed Matt and gently pushed him on the ground. He then leaned forward and stared into the blondes eyes and said, "You what?"
"I. Love. You." Matt said slowly.
"Good!" Tai said, grinning happily. "Cuz I love you, too."
With that he bent down and softly kissed Matt, who at first was too surprised to react. but once he realized what was happening, he responded.
Tai pulled back and caressed Matt's cheek. "You are worth it, okay? To me." He told him.
Matt smiled blissfully and pulled Tai down for another kiss---finally, everything was clicking into it's place.
well...what do you think? please be nice. reviews are nice too. laters