Chapter 6
I've heard your anguish
I've heard your hearts cry out
We are tired, we are weary, but we aren't worn out
set down your chains, until only faith remains
Set down your chains
And lend your voices only to sounds of freedom
No longer lend your strength to that
which you wish to be free from
Fill you lives with love and bravery
And we shall lead a life uncommon
"Life Uncommon", Jewel
[December 31, 2001]
I groaned at the knock at my door. I had only been in town for 12 hours after spending 5 days on the road with Josh. Josh and I generally get along wonderfully, but neither of us are very good travelers, and after five days of having someone constantly with me, I wanted space. I wanted privacy. I did not want to answer my door.
"CJ, I know you're in there." It was Sam's voice. I sighed and swung my legs off the couch.
"How did you know I was here," I said, answering the door.
"Because Josh told me. He's coming up, by the way," Sam said, smiling slightly. "Yes, I know, you two spent the last five days together, you don't need, want or desire to see each other for at least a week."
"Mmm," I said, moving out of the way so Sam could squeeze past me into my apartment. "What's all this?" I asked, surveying the bags he placed on my kitchen counter.
"You'll see," he replied mysteriously.
"See what?" I muttered as Josh knocked on the door before I could close it. "It's already open," I told him.
"I was being polite," he countered, placing a bag of his own on the counter.
"Seriously, guys? I'm tired." I complained. "I'm really not in the mood for people."
"We know," they said simultaneously.
"No more people, just the three of us," Sam promised.
I sighed. "All right. What's going on?" I asked again.
"Just go sit in the living room," Sam directed. "We'll be there in a moment."
"Sure, I'll let you boss me around in my own home. Why not?" I said, stomping off towards the living room. I was aware that I was behaving as though I was five, but I was also aware that I didn't care. I wanted to be left alone.
"Close your eyes," Sam demanded, poking his head out of the kitchen.
I made a face at him, but complied. I heard rustling and Josh say something to Sam, but I couldn't make out his words. "Guys? What are you doing?" I asked.
"Give us a second, will you?" Josh said, in one of his less patient voices.
"Well, I just want to make sure you're not about to burn my apartment down or something," I grumbled.
"You sound like Toby," Sam observed. "We're just about ready," he added before I could protest.
I was about to say something else when Sam said triumphantly, "There! Open your eyes!"
I opened them with some trepidation. This was Sam and Josh we were talking about here. But I was relieved to see my apartment was still standing. And I was amazed to see a pile of gift wrapped boxes and a big plate of cookies sitting on my coffee table. "What's this?" I asked.
"Christmas," Sam said, happily. "You didn't celebrate. You're practically the only one of my friends who does, so I couldn't let that happen. Besides, didn't I promise to make a big deal out of your Christmas?"
I'd almost completely forgotten Sam's offhanded promise to make up for forgetting my birthday. "Yeah, but..."
"But nothing," Josh interrupted. "Come on, don't tell me you're not curious about what's inside the packages?"
"I don't have any gifts for you," I protested. "I just..."
"It's ok," Sam said. "Really. We understand."
"Besides," Josh said softly. "You already gave us our gifts." When I looked at him quizzically, he continued. "You came back." Our eyes met, and I knew he was remembering last Christmas when he apologized for not getting me a gift and I told him he'd already given me his gift by not giving in.
"Ok," I said softly. "Wow."
"Feeling less crabby now?" Sam asked. "Or do you need some cookies first?" He didn't wait for a reply, but dished up some of the cookies onto another plate and handed it to me.
"Where'd you get the cookies?" I asked.
"Oh, my mom sent me back with about 3 dozen," he explained, biting into a chocolate cookie.
I nodded, and nibbled at a butter cookie. "This is really unexpected."
"Of course it is. Here," Josh said, handing me a present. "Start opening."
So I did. I ate cookies and opened presents to find a couple books from Toby and a scarf from Donna, who were both still out of town. Sam had gotten me three CDs he knew I'd been wanting, and there was even a card from Leo that said "Staff your office. It's too quiet there. Merry Christmas", along with a gift certificate to a small art gallery I liked. There was a small box from the President and Abbey with some homemade jam and New Hampshire maple syrup. And then a big box from Josh that turned out to be a new parka. "Figured you might want this, if you're going to be campaigning in Minnesota again," he said, smiling a bit.
"It's great," I said. "Thanks, you guys, really." I felt a little shaky inside, with the evidence that these people knew me well enough to give me such perfect presents. But the knowledge didn't make me want to flee. Instead, I found it wasn't terribly difficult to brush away the reflexive panic.
"You're welcome," Sam said, smiling brightly, jerking me out of my momentary reverie.
"Oh, but it's not over just yet," Josh said, smiling. He reached behind him and picked up a small plastic bag. "Movie time."
"Right!" Sam said. "And later we'll watch the ball drop and ring in the New Year!"
"Mmm, we'll need food for all that," I said, leaning over to capture the phone. "Pizza or Chinese?"
"Hell, get both," Josh said. "There's lots of movies here."
I grinned and dialed the phone, secure in the fact that I knew just what to order. And the world outside whirled past the window, but I didn't care. I was here, with people who cared, snugly tucked up on my couch as Sam cleared away wrapping paper and Josh put the first movie in. 2002 was coming and my year of tribulation was at its end. The next year couldn't help but be better, I thought as Josh picked up my feet and dumped them on his lap and Sam flopped down in the armchair to start the afternoon to lead to our new year.
End