Author: GateSeeker2
Disclaimer: All necessary information is listed prior to Part 1
"Waiting for the Dawn" - Part 6
Sam wasn't too surprised to hear the phone on the other end of the line go dead. She was used to her commanding officer's behavior, and it wasn't the first time he had dismissed her when he was finished speaking. However, it was surprising to hear a second click on the phone line. She didn't even want to think that Pete might have listened in on her extension. Oh well.
Walking slowly back into the kitchen, she noticed that Pete was not there. She freshened up her cup of coffee, took a few sips, and then headed to her room to see if Pete was there. She heard the shower running so she turned and left, closing the bedroom door behind her.
Sam walked into Cassie's room. Managing a small smile, she realized what she had just thought: "Cassie's room." For years, this had just been the spare room. It was a catch-all/guest room and occasionally her dad would stay here when visiting, or sometimes even Cassie would stay here if spending the night during one of their girlie weekends when Sam was able to watch her because Janet was working a weekend shift. Although more often than not, Cassie would weasel her way into Sam's bed where they would talk about their moms, their dreams, school, work, boys and everything else they could think of while giggling and snuggled together like two sisters having a sleep over. But now, after only five days, Sam was referring to it officially as "Cassie's room." Sam sincerely hoped that Cassie and she would work out this obvious disagreement soon so that she would return to "her room." Hopefully that's all that this morning was, a disagreement. It was at the very least a mere misunderstanding. Sam just didn't understand why Cassie reacted so strongly the way that she did.
Proceeding to sit on the edge of the bed while placing her coffee mug on the nearby night stand, she caught site of the various picture frames and loose photos that Cassie had placed on the small bedside table. It was as if a forest of memories had sprung up from the table surface in an effort to dedicate itself to preserving Janet's legacy. Sam instantly recalled how she too had gathered up as many photographs as she could find of her own mother after she had died and placed them near her bed in hopes of always keeping her near. Sam knew that she hadn't mentioned this to Cassie, so she wondered if it was something instinctual that all teenage girls would do when faced with the loss of their mother.
All of Cassie's pictures were of Janet and many seemed to be mainly free formed, non-posed, moments. However, there were a few official shots of Janet in her class A service dress blues or medical attire, but most of the photographs were taken by Cassie who was forever taking shots, as the budding photographer, once she had learned how to use her camera. The pictures were a combination of Janet with various SG1 members as well as Jonas Quinn, General Hammond, Sam's dad, and Cassie that were typically taken during some off-duty gathering. There were even a few of Janet goofing around with some of Cassie's friends. Sam noted how genuinely happy Janet always looked – especially when she was with Cassie.
"I'm so sorry Janet. We should have been protecting you better," Sam said quietly with a heavy heart as she gazed at all the pictures. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes threatening to fall, but she wasn't going to allow herself to cry just now. Scrunching her eyes tightly closed, she focused more on the situation with Cassie and less on the pain of losing her best friend. After a few seconds, Sam stretched her eyes open wide and blinked numerous times while deeply exhaling. "I don't know if I can do this, Janet."
Sam couldn't help but wonder what it would have been like if she had adopted Cassie instead of Janet. Janet knew that Sam would have loved to have adopted Cassie, but with Sam's more hectic work schedule and dangerous duties, it wasn't plausible. Cassie was only ten or eleven when they rescued her from Hanka, and she needed a more stable type of situation than Sam could provide. Cassie had already been overwhelmed by the events that were rapidly shaping her new life on Earth, and Sam never forgot how small and fragile Cassie had looked then, especially that day when she and Sam where waiting in that nuclear bunker. That moment had forever cemented Sam's love for Cassie.
There were definitely times when Sam was envious of Janet and Cassie's close relationship. Nevertheless, Sam was just glad to be a part of Cassie's life as an honorary aunt and grateful to Janet for always including Sam in Cassie's life without hesitation or jealousy thereby allowing Sam and Cassie to continue forming a deep bond. But for some reason, Sam was beginning to wonder if she had jeopardized this bond by not telling Cassie and Janet about Pete, and the extent of her involvement with him.
It hadn't been too many weeks since she had started seeing Pete. She calculated the days. Surely, it had only been about a month and a half at the most – actually maybe almost three months. 'There was going to be plenty of time to tell everyone about him,' she thought. Of course, Sam wasn't very sure of herself in the dating realm, and she had felt a bit uneasy with the prospect of introducing Pete to her SGC family. She wasn't sure when or if she would even inform her father about him. However, Pete was an old college friend of Mark's, so the last time her dad had visited her for a few days, which coincidentally was just prior to the destruction of the Alpha Site, Mark happily disclosed to her dad over a phone call the entire "Pete and Sam" news. 'That must have been why Dad seemed mad at me that day when he said, 'We never talk anymore, Sam,' she puzzled quietly to herself. Plus, Pete's meeting with SG1 was actually quite unexpected as he had surprised her on their stakeout. Did she want Pete to meet them? Did she want them, him, to meet Pete? And, was she planning on this dating relationship being a long term prospect? Pete had hinted at wanting something more to their dating the first morning after having been intimate, "How can we have a future if you won't share your life with me." Is that what he was hoping for? A future? A life together? Was she willing or wanting to share her "life" with Pete? Was that what she wanted? And, did she even want Pete hanging out with her and SG1 during down time? She quickly shook her head trying to dismiss this question. 'No, I don't think I'm ready for THAT.' She thought to herself.
Dating Pete had definitely surprised even her. She had been so emotionally closed off for the last couple of years – OK more than a couple if she were honest. It had been more like eight or ten years. Sam began reflecting over her past and had just assumed that her emotional unavailability started when she broke the engagement off with Jonas Hansen. Jonas had surprised her with his controlling behavior especially towards the end of their relationship. He had been one of the most serious relationships that she had ever had – and the longest. Back then after the breakup, Sam had decided that she was mainly in love with the idea of being in love, of having someone and not being alone. Was she repeating this with Pete? Looking back now, she didn't think she was ever really in love with Jonas. After they went their separate ways, she closed herself off to men. Yes, she still dated occasionally – just not seriously. She had thrown herself into her work. But, that was easy for Sam. She had thrown herself into her job, or whatever it was that needed to be done, ever since the death of her mother. Oddly enough, she would love keeping her mind occupied with various tasks so that she didn't have to take time and think about her life and how messed up it was. But, Sam could confidently and easily claim that she indeed loved her work. She thrived on it, hungered for it, and felt safe in it. The work years ago at the Pentagon when she had just began work on the Stargate Project was so incredible and challenging. And then she was transferred to the SGC. Weeks, months, and even years had gone by without her having really any dates, but she was too busy and enthralled to have minded. When did she start minding?
Scooting back to the far side of the bed, Sam sat with her back against the wall, crossed her feet under her, hugged a pillow and stared out the large picture frame window as she pondered this last question. When did she start minding? When did she feel as if she was missing out on something? When did she feel as if she needed more? When did she want more than what she currently had? When had she begun to think that she was missing something vital from her life? When had she started feeling alone? Was it just recently as a result of her concussion on the Prometheus and her hallucinatory conversation with her father? She was happy and content prior to that mission, wasn't she? Why of all times had she chosen now to take a chance on a relationship, on a man, on love? Did she even know what it meant to truly love a man? Her mind quickly thought back to what Daniel had told her several years back when he had become addicted to the sarcophagus, "You've never really known what love is have you?" Would she ever be in love? Was she in love with Pete? Did she want to love him? Or, did she want to love someone else?
These questions and many others kept pouring into her mind before any answers had time to formulate. Or perhaps she simply kept thinking of more and more questions so that she didn't have to hear the answers that she knew were simply waiting to be acknowledged.
Sam had lost track of time while sitting in Cassie's room, but she was brought back to reality when a knock was heard from the doorway. Pete was standing there freshly shaved and casually dressed and looking at her. "So, how's the girl?" He asked mainly out of politeness.
"She's fine. She's going to stay there for a few days."
Pete noticed how she didn't mention with whom Cassie was staying. "Who's she staying with?"
Sam looked away, "She's staying at Colonel O'Neill's house. He's like an uncle to her."
"I didn't realize he was so...close," he asked with a questioning tone. Then he added, "...to her."
"Yes, actually, we're ALL close – all of SG1 – much like a family." She wasn't going to go any further. "Hey, how about we go somewhere – the park, the mountains – I just want to get some fresh air." Truthfully, she would have preferred being left alone, but he had made a special trip in to see her and she didn't want to disappoint him. However, now that Cassie was spending possibly the next few days with the Colonel, she would have loved to have gone to her lab to work and throw herself deeply in the middle of some science project and/or alien technology. She only felt truly comfortable in the midst of her science. What was it that Rodney McKay had told her once? "Music... was my salvation. It had this... perfect order for me." Well, science maintained order for her, and right now she craved order. She scooted off the bed and went to her room to put on some socks and shoes. Pete followed her stopping at the door.
"Ok, but maybe we can stop somewhere and talk." Pete suggested.
"About what?" She was striving to sound nonchalant.
"About US." He said it as if it was obvious. "And about you and ...," he waved his hand in the air dispassionately while watching Sam put on her running shoes, "...whoever Cassie seemed to think you're in love with."
Sam couldn't believe he had just said that. She froze, but only briefly. She resumed putting on her shoes, tied them, and then tried to walk past Pete. She wasn't even ready to have this conversation with herself let alone HIM, and she couldn't talk to Pete either. She almost managed to pass Pete when he grasped her upper arm forcefully thereby stopping her exit.
"Sam, I don't want to lose you."
She looked up at him and stared, unsure of what she saw in his eyes: Love? Hurt? Anxiety? Control? Blowing out a slowed controlled breath, she simply gave the faintest of head nods and smiled as best as she could with her lips pressed firmly together. Pete's words and actions continued to surprise her this morning and even sent a slight shudder down her spine. She absolutely had no idea what to say, but she definitely knew that they would have to talk. Turning away from Pete silently, she walked down the entry way to retrieve her denim jacket and purse. Today was going to be a long day.
To Be Continued...
NOTE: If you liked it, or if you didn't like it, please let me know. Thanks for reading.
Disclaimer: All necessary information is listed prior to Part 1
"Waiting for the Dawn" - Part 6
Sam wasn't too surprised to hear the phone on the other end of the line go dead. She was used to her commanding officer's behavior, and it wasn't the first time he had dismissed her when he was finished speaking. However, it was surprising to hear a second click on the phone line. She didn't even want to think that Pete might have listened in on her extension. Oh well.
Walking slowly back into the kitchen, she noticed that Pete was not there. She freshened up her cup of coffee, took a few sips, and then headed to her room to see if Pete was there. She heard the shower running so she turned and left, closing the bedroom door behind her.
Sam walked into Cassie's room. Managing a small smile, she realized what she had just thought: "Cassie's room." For years, this had just been the spare room. It was a catch-all/guest room and occasionally her dad would stay here when visiting, or sometimes even Cassie would stay here if spending the night during one of their girlie weekends when Sam was able to watch her because Janet was working a weekend shift. Although more often than not, Cassie would weasel her way into Sam's bed where they would talk about their moms, their dreams, school, work, boys and everything else they could think of while giggling and snuggled together like two sisters having a sleep over. But now, after only five days, Sam was referring to it officially as "Cassie's room." Sam sincerely hoped that Cassie and she would work out this obvious disagreement soon so that she would return to "her room." Hopefully that's all that this morning was, a disagreement. It was at the very least a mere misunderstanding. Sam just didn't understand why Cassie reacted so strongly the way that she did.
Proceeding to sit on the edge of the bed while placing her coffee mug on the nearby night stand, she caught site of the various picture frames and loose photos that Cassie had placed on the small bedside table. It was as if a forest of memories had sprung up from the table surface in an effort to dedicate itself to preserving Janet's legacy. Sam instantly recalled how she too had gathered up as many photographs as she could find of her own mother after she had died and placed them near her bed in hopes of always keeping her near. Sam knew that she hadn't mentioned this to Cassie, so she wondered if it was something instinctual that all teenage girls would do when faced with the loss of their mother.
All of Cassie's pictures were of Janet and many seemed to be mainly free formed, non-posed, moments. However, there were a few official shots of Janet in her class A service dress blues or medical attire, but most of the photographs were taken by Cassie who was forever taking shots, as the budding photographer, once she had learned how to use her camera. The pictures were a combination of Janet with various SG1 members as well as Jonas Quinn, General Hammond, Sam's dad, and Cassie that were typically taken during some off-duty gathering. There were even a few of Janet goofing around with some of Cassie's friends. Sam noted how genuinely happy Janet always looked – especially when she was with Cassie.
"I'm so sorry Janet. We should have been protecting you better," Sam said quietly with a heavy heart as she gazed at all the pictures. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes threatening to fall, but she wasn't going to allow herself to cry just now. Scrunching her eyes tightly closed, she focused more on the situation with Cassie and less on the pain of losing her best friend. After a few seconds, Sam stretched her eyes open wide and blinked numerous times while deeply exhaling. "I don't know if I can do this, Janet."
Sam couldn't help but wonder what it would have been like if she had adopted Cassie instead of Janet. Janet knew that Sam would have loved to have adopted Cassie, but with Sam's more hectic work schedule and dangerous duties, it wasn't plausible. Cassie was only ten or eleven when they rescued her from Hanka, and she needed a more stable type of situation than Sam could provide. Cassie had already been overwhelmed by the events that were rapidly shaping her new life on Earth, and Sam never forgot how small and fragile Cassie had looked then, especially that day when she and Sam where waiting in that nuclear bunker. That moment had forever cemented Sam's love for Cassie.
There were definitely times when Sam was envious of Janet and Cassie's close relationship. Nevertheless, Sam was just glad to be a part of Cassie's life as an honorary aunt and grateful to Janet for always including Sam in Cassie's life without hesitation or jealousy thereby allowing Sam and Cassie to continue forming a deep bond. But for some reason, Sam was beginning to wonder if she had jeopardized this bond by not telling Cassie and Janet about Pete, and the extent of her involvement with him.
It hadn't been too many weeks since she had started seeing Pete. She calculated the days. Surely, it had only been about a month and a half at the most – actually maybe almost three months. 'There was going to be plenty of time to tell everyone about him,' she thought. Of course, Sam wasn't very sure of herself in the dating realm, and she had felt a bit uneasy with the prospect of introducing Pete to her SGC family. She wasn't sure when or if she would even inform her father about him. However, Pete was an old college friend of Mark's, so the last time her dad had visited her for a few days, which coincidentally was just prior to the destruction of the Alpha Site, Mark happily disclosed to her dad over a phone call the entire "Pete and Sam" news. 'That must have been why Dad seemed mad at me that day when he said, 'We never talk anymore, Sam,' she puzzled quietly to herself. Plus, Pete's meeting with SG1 was actually quite unexpected as he had surprised her on their stakeout. Did she want Pete to meet them? Did she want them, him, to meet Pete? And, was she planning on this dating relationship being a long term prospect? Pete had hinted at wanting something more to their dating the first morning after having been intimate, "How can we have a future if you won't share your life with me." Is that what he was hoping for? A future? A life together? Was she willing or wanting to share her "life" with Pete? Was that what she wanted? And, did she even want Pete hanging out with her and SG1 during down time? She quickly shook her head trying to dismiss this question. 'No, I don't think I'm ready for THAT.' She thought to herself.
Dating Pete had definitely surprised even her. She had been so emotionally closed off for the last couple of years – OK more than a couple if she were honest. It had been more like eight or ten years. Sam began reflecting over her past and had just assumed that her emotional unavailability started when she broke the engagement off with Jonas Hansen. Jonas had surprised her with his controlling behavior especially towards the end of their relationship. He had been one of the most serious relationships that she had ever had – and the longest. Back then after the breakup, Sam had decided that she was mainly in love with the idea of being in love, of having someone and not being alone. Was she repeating this with Pete? Looking back now, she didn't think she was ever really in love with Jonas. After they went their separate ways, she closed herself off to men. Yes, she still dated occasionally – just not seriously. She had thrown herself into her work. But, that was easy for Sam. She had thrown herself into her job, or whatever it was that needed to be done, ever since the death of her mother. Oddly enough, she would love keeping her mind occupied with various tasks so that she didn't have to take time and think about her life and how messed up it was. But, Sam could confidently and easily claim that she indeed loved her work. She thrived on it, hungered for it, and felt safe in it. The work years ago at the Pentagon when she had just began work on the Stargate Project was so incredible and challenging. And then she was transferred to the SGC. Weeks, months, and even years had gone by without her having really any dates, but she was too busy and enthralled to have minded. When did she start minding?
Scooting back to the far side of the bed, Sam sat with her back against the wall, crossed her feet under her, hugged a pillow and stared out the large picture frame window as she pondered this last question. When did she start minding? When did she feel as if she was missing out on something? When did she feel as if she needed more? When did she want more than what she currently had? When had she begun to think that she was missing something vital from her life? When had she started feeling alone? Was it just recently as a result of her concussion on the Prometheus and her hallucinatory conversation with her father? She was happy and content prior to that mission, wasn't she? Why of all times had she chosen now to take a chance on a relationship, on a man, on love? Did she even know what it meant to truly love a man? Her mind quickly thought back to what Daniel had told her several years back when he had become addicted to the sarcophagus, "You've never really known what love is have you?" Would she ever be in love? Was she in love with Pete? Did she want to love him? Or, did she want to love someone else?
These questions and many others kept pouring into her mind before any answers had time to formulate. Or perhaps she simply kept thinking of more and more questions so that she didn't have to hear the answers that she knew were simply waiting to be acknowledged.
Sam had lost track of time while sitting in Cassie's room, but she was brought back to reality when a knock was heard from the doorway. Pete was standing there freshly shaved and casually dressed and looking at her. "So, how's the girl?" He asked mainly out of politeness.
"She's fine. She's going to stay there for a few days."
Pete noticed how she didn't mention with whom Cassie was staying. "Who's she staying with?"
Sam looked away, "She's staying at Colonel O'Neill's house. He's like an uncle to her."
"I didn't realize he was so...close," he asked with a questioning tone. Then he added, "...to her."
"Yes, actually, we're ALL close – all of SG1 – much like a family." She wasn't going to go any further. "Hey, how about we go somewhere – the park, the mountains – I just want to get some fresh air." Truthfully, she would have preferred being left alone, but he had made a special trip in to see her and she didn't want to disappoint him. However, now that Cassie was spending possibly the next few days with the Colonel, she would have loved to have gone to her lab to work and throw herself deeply in the middle of some science project and/or alien technology. She only felt truly comfortable in the midst of her science. What was it that Rodney McKay had told her once? "Music... was my salvation. It had this... perfect order for me." Well, science maintained order for her, and right now she craved order. She scooted off the bed and went to her room to put on some socks and shoes. Pete followed her stopping at the door.
"Ok, but maybe we can stop somewhere and talk." Pete suggested.
"About what?" She was striving to sound nonchalant.
"About US." He said it as if it was obvious. "And about you and ...," he waved his hand in the air dispassionately while watching Sam put on her running shoes, "...whoever Cassie seemed to think you're in love with."
Sam couldn't believe he had just said that. She froze, but only briefly. She resumed putting on her shoes, tied them, and then tried to walk past Pete. She wasn't even ready to have this conversation with herself let alone HIM, and she couldn't talk to Pete either. She almost managed to pass Pete when he grasped her upper arm forcefully thereby stopping her exit.
"Sam, I don't want to lose you."
She looked up at him and stared, unsure of what she saw in his eyes: Love? Hurt? Anxiety? Control? Blowing out a slowed controlled breath, she simply gave the faintest of head nods and smiled as best as she could with her lips pressed firmly together. Pete's words and actions continued to surprise her this morning and even sent a slight shudder down her spine. She absolutely had no idea what to say, but she definitely knew that they would have to talk. Turning away from Pete silently, she walked down the entry way to retrieve her denim jacket and purse. Today was going to be a long day.
To Be Continued...
NOTE: If you liked it, or if you didn't like it, please let me know. Thanks for reading.