Author: GateSeeker2
Disclaimer: All necessary information is listed prior to Part 1
Note: Thanks to everyone who has sent a review my way. I'm really so inspired by all of you who have taken the time to read my story. I hope that you won't be disappointed with the remaining parts. This story is about half way through. It has grown from the original ten parts to twelve. Well, enjoy Part 7 and let me know what you think. Bye!
"Waiting for the Dawn" - Part 7
The scenery was passing by the truck's passenger window in a blurry haze. Cassandra merely sat and stared blankly at the dark highway that stretched out in front of them. Jack hadn't told her where he intended on taking her. She had barely convinced him to give her a few minutes to change, out of her pajamas and into her jeans and a descent top that she had brought with her, before they left his house. However, now they were driving north on I-25. She assumed that they were heading to Denver, but she had no idea why.
Jack was focusing intently on the pavement. He just wanted to get away. He didn't want to hang around the house in case Carter decided to just drop by today instead of waiting until tomorrow. So, they were heading away from Colorado Springs.
The truck was filled with silence. Neither one was speaking or seemed to have much intention of speaking. The silence, although increasingly deafening, was also somewhat comforting. The absence of words didn't mean that there was a lack of understanding. Cassie knew that Jack could sit quietly for hours sometimes. He liked to portray himself as a man of few words. However, she also knew that he enjoyed conversing and being around friends. After all, she always knew that he was "way smarter" than he pretended. And, he was currently trying to pretend that he wasn't affected by the news that Cassie had dropped on him earlier. She wanted to talk to him about Sam and her boyfriend, but right now there were a few other things pressing down on her.
"Jack?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks for…aah…everything."
Jack took a moment to briefly glance at Cassie, "No problem."
She wasn't sure if he knew to what she was referring. Heck, she didn't know if she knew. "Jack, I mean…I really appreciate you being there…for me… not just this morning…but back then…when you found me…on Hanka…I love you Jack."
"Love you too kiddo." Jack was so thankful to have someone in his life that needed him. He just wished that, looking back, he had been even more involved with her life. He did as much as he could to be a positive role model for her and give her unconditional love and acceptance like an uncle or father would. She had become family to him. Of course, being around Cassie was both soothing and disheartening. In the early days of getting Cassie settled in to life on Earth, he had felt a very prevalent longing for his dead son. He missed Charlie dearly and always would, but having Cassie near was helpful. Children always had a way of soothing a bitter heart. But her innocence and youth was also a constant reminder of the son he had lost. Jack often thought that Charlie and Cassie would have been good friends if circumstances had been different.
"Jack, I just feel so alone now. It was so hard to hear about mom dying. I never thought about HER dying. I mean not in the field; she rarely went on missions. But, you and Sam are on the front lines all the time. Don't get me wrong, I don't want anything to happen to either of you, or Daniel or Teal'C, but …it was just ….I mean…I'm just so…MAD… and it's not…" Cassie was looking down at her hands that were tightly balled into fists and resting on her lap. "…it's not fair!" Once she got her words out, she started to sob and choke back her tears.
Jack reached over and allowed his large warm hand to thoroughly cover her small left fist. He gently squeezed it and said, "I know Cass. But life's not always fair."
Looking fully at Jack, "How do you deal with all the death?"
Jack patted her hand and let out a long sigh, "You just do." He knew that she was needing reassuring and not his standard sarcastic quips, but he wasn't sure what to say. So, he just decided to open his toughened heart and let this child see his love for her. "There's no miracle; there's no quick fix. And time DOESN'T heal all wounds. Death is unfortunately inevitable. Everyone dies, Cass. It just depends on when, where, and how. Life is made up of living AND dying. You do the best you can and live one day at a time. However, you have to keep hoping, especially in the midst of despair. Don't EVER let hope die or try to live without it because if you do, you're as good as dead." As he finished his speech, Jack gave her hand one last pat then returned his hand to the steering wheel. He couldn't help but remember how close he was to losing all hope those many years ago before the first mission to Abydos, and he never wanted to be without even the smallest glimmer of hope ever again.
Cassie didn't know what to say. She just stared in awe at Jack. Those were perhaps the most profound words that she had ever heard Jack utter. Yep, he really was more thoughtful and intelligent than others might suspect. His "dumb Colonel" routine might suit him at work, but this enlightened battle hardened wise man that sat beside her gave her immeasurable comfort directly from his soul and his personal experience. They continued to just sit there for a few more miles in companionable silence.
Finally, Cassie reached over and turned on the radio. She scanned a few radio stations before settling on an older classic rock station. Janet loved the songs from the sixties and seventies, and Cassie had learned those songs early upon her arrival to Earth. Now, these songs gave Cassie untold peace. The two travelers sat, and listened, and sang to song after song. It was a fun time. But, then an old love song started playing, "Solitaire" sung by Karen Carpenter, and Cassie got a bit reflective of the lyrics. She could easily imagine that the song was tailor written for Jack, and she listened quietly while watching him. His face gave nothing away, but she could tell that he was also mulling over the lyrics.
She wondered if he hadn't been wearing his sun glasses would she have seen his eyes become tearful. The song was mirroring the events that happened this morning as well as her brief conversation just now with Jack. When the song was over she knew she had to talk with him.
"Jack?"
"Cass?"
"About this morning…" Cassie began.
"Yeah?"
"I was really mad at Sam. I was just so shocked to find out that she has a boyfriend. I just never expected her to try to date someone other than…I mean…I can't believe she thinks she can be happy with HIM instead of…. She can't love him Jack. Not really, not when she loves…," she was frustrated with her babbling, but she just couldn't bring herself to say all that she truly wanted to say and she didn't know why. So she decided to use a little humor, "And come on, he looks like a goober."
Jack couldn't help but laugh a bit out loud at Cassie's last remarks, and he tried to admonish her– but only slightly. "Cassie, be nice."
"Well, what do you think he looks like?"
Jack thought for a moment. "OK – so he's a goober." They both laughed at that.
Then Cassie got quiet again, "You don't think she's going to stay with him do you?"
Jack was screaming on the inside, 'I so hope not!' There it was again, "hope." Even after three years since the Za'tarc testing, he was still hoping for a chance with Sam. But, he knew that now was just not the right time for them, so he said, "Cassie, Carter needs to live her own life. If he's who she wants…that's her decision."
Cassie couldn't help but notice how Jack's fingers seemed to grip the steering wheel just that little bit tighter with his last words causing his knuckles to begin to pale.
"But Jack, what if someone ELSE wants Sam?" Cassie was beginning to sound a bit like Janet now – wisely inquisitive and prodding. "I mean doesn't HE get a say so – especially when HE loves her." She tried cryptically.
"Cassie, you've dated enough to know it doesn't necessarily work that way." He was thinking that Cassie, even in her young life, had probably dated more than Carter had. Of course, Jack caught himself hoping that it was truly "only" dating. He didn't think he could handle it if Cassie was "active." He was lost in his thoughts when Cassie's voice abruptly caught him off guard.
"Well, it should!" She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply knowing that she needed to say what was on her heart. So she gathered all of her courage and said somewhat loudly, "Jack…I KNOW that you're in love with her!" Cassie kept her eyes closed and cringed slightly with her chin tucked into her shoulders fearing exactly what she didn't know, but just dreading Jack's reaction. When nothing happened, Cassie slowly opened her left eye to glimpse a peek at Jack. He sat stoically. She relaxed her shoulders and turned to look at him fully again. "Did you hear what I said Jack?" Still he said nothing. "Come on Jack, it's obvious to EVERYONE!" He just sat there. "Geez, I guess it's just obvious to everyone BUT the two of you!" She wanted to punch him in the arm or something just to get a response out of him. "Jack! Say something!" But, Jack just continued to sit still and stare blankly at the road ahead. She tried a slightly different tactic. "O…K…, since you're not saying anything….I guess you're not denying it? Right?" Cassie was definitely getting a little perturbed by his avoidance of the subject at hand. She tucked a few stray hairs behind her left ear. "Listen Jack, you might not want to talk to ME about this…after all…I'M just a teenager…what could I POSSIBLY know about love…but you should talk to her – soon – before it's too late." She was so upset. "I don't want you to end up like the song Jack – ALL ALONE." She was amazed how Jack could appear so devoid of emotion right now. "You know, you just might lose her for good!" Cassie kept staring at Jack waiting for some type of reaction. "UUGH!" When nothing happened, she slumped in the seat crossing her arms over her chest and gave the appearance of a child pouting.
A few more miles down the road and Jack still had yet to say anything. "Yeah, well…," Cassie thought she'd try one more time, "…he's all wrong for her. Don't you think so?" Her voice urged, but she wasn't looking at him.
"It doesn't matter what I think, Cassie." He stated flatly. Jack wasn't sure exactly what to say. He was hit hard by her previous words, but he wasn't able to deny them. Everything she had said was true. "I'm her CO, not her dating conscience."
She was so glad that he had finally responded to her urgings. Cassie sat up straight and slightly turned her body to face Jack. "But Jack, can't you talk to her?" She lightly hit the console between them. "I mean, you're still a friend right?" Now she was pleading. "How can you let her date him? Come on! She's making a mistake! Tell her you LOVE her Jack!"
"CASSIE!" He shouted her name so loudly that it startled her causing her to jump closer to the passenger side truck door. She was glad that the door was locked because she had thought that she would have surely launched herself right out the door. Jack tried to now sound calmer but failed, "…I'm in no position to…we can't…it's her mistake…to make." Jack had enough of the teenage inquisition. He knew what Cassie wanted to do, but he couldn't give in to her. He turned up the radio and just continued to stare at the road in front of him.
Even though his voice was laced with anger, or was it anxiety or resentment, it was definitely restrained and tight with emotion. Cassie couldn't believe how well Jack had avoided any kind of answer that even hinted at his true feelings for Sam. Cassie had spent years around the two of them while they interacted. She would watch them appear friendly and almost affectionate towards one another only to then seem aloof and uncaring. And Cassandra had spent long conversations with her mom discussing this unique pair, Air Force regulations, and the lack of their relationship. Cassie felt that if she didn't intervene soon, then no one was going to be happy – including herself.
Their last conversation had ended some minutes ago and Cassie knew not to press her luck anymore today trying to discuss Sam's love life. So, she and Jack just sat quietly, again, listening to the radio. Finally, as they began to enter Denver city limits, Jack asked, "So, Cass, how'd ya feel about seein' a hockey game?" Jack asked with a renewed enthusiasm and a new grin plastered on his face. Their previous conversation pushed far back in his mind.
"Hockey?" She shrugged her shoulders. "Sure. Who's playing?"
"The Avalanche and the Edmonton Oilers." He had printed off the Colorado Avalanche's schedule the day before and decided this morning that there was no time like the present. He just hoped that he could get tickets.
Jack and Cassie managed to steer their conversations for the remainder of the day away from death, Janet, Sam and the goober. Both of them were glad to have today's diversion. They both found themselves able to enjoy the remaining day, as much as possible due to their grief. The day progressed nicely with some sightseeing, a little shopping and of course a hockey game before they returned late to Colorado Springs and the confrontation, or rather conversation, which was scheduled to take place tomorrow.
To Be Continued…
Footnotes:
4Sedaka, N. and P. Cody. "Solitaire." Carpenters Love Songs. Compilation Album © 1997. A&M Records, Inc.
NOTE: If you liked it, or if you didn't like it, please let me know. Thanks for reading.
Just reiterating, no money was made from the posting of this story. It is purely being posted for enjoyment and pleasure. Only a brief mention of a few specifics lyrics were used. Are rights to the song belong entire to Neil Sedaka. I claim no rights to it, but I highly recommend purchasing the above mentioned album. It's really soothing.