Author: GateSeeker2
Disclaimer: All necessary information is listed prior to Part 1
"Waiting for the Dawn" - Part 8
Saturday hadn't been quite what Sam had expected. She had hoped for a nice quiet time alone with Cassie so that they could help each other through their grief. This previous week had been way too stressful and way too busy for either Sam or Cassie to truly spend any quality time together. And, the next few weeks were going to be stressful as well. They would have to start sorting through Janet's house and belongings sooner or later. However, neither Sam nor Cassie was going to be anywhere near emotionally ready to begin that arduous task right now. Besides they hadn't even met with the attorneys to read through Janet's will. No, Sam had just wanted some time to be with Cassie – alone. But after Pete had innocently arrived on her doorstep Friday evening, what she got was a loud confrontation from both Cassie and Pete.
Although Sam had been dating Pete for almost three months – or more specifically ten weeks five days ten hours and twenty minutes, they had not actually spent much time together. There was an occasional weekend here and there, but work schedules for both of them seemed to always be interfering. Even though it only took about an hour and fifteen minutes at most to drive from Colorado Springs to Denver, weekdays didn't allow for much free time either. Both professionals had hectic work schedules. Sam would often work late during the evenings at the base and of course there were standard routine missions off world throughout the week that would often leave her too tired to drive up and back before she had to report for duty bright and early typically at 0700 hours. One day, soon after Pete had fully recovered from his injury resulting from the Osiris incident, she had managed to drive up on a weeknight for dinner with him but then he was called away during their meal on an urgent case with him having to leave just as the entrees were served. He promised to try and return quickly, but he never did and Sam was left to eat dessert all by herself before finally driving back to Colorado Springs. On one occasion she had suggested that they both meet halfway to have dinner, but that suggestion fell on less than exuberant ears. He was emphatic about how during the week he had to stay in close proximity to Denver in case of being needed on a case.
So, she had only been able to get up to Denver once for a full weekend and Pete had only come down to Colorado Springs four times. His third visit was his attempt to surprise her by coming down on a Wednesday evening for dinner and dancing because he had actually had a day off, but the surprise had been on him since unbeknownst to Pete, Colonel O'Neill had given in to his ever persistent archeologist and agreed that staying over night on PCC-046 and bonding with the locals during their banquet celebration would be best for possible future relations. So, this weekend, although Pete's only fourth trip to Colorado Springs was actually his fifth opportunity to really spend any quality time with Sam since their first week together.
Much of their relationship was spent talking on the phone, but even that aspect was limited. It was pretty hard to call Pete when she was working off world, and she had been off world working with her dad on the new weaponry to fight Anubis' super soldiers for about a week and a half prior to the destruction of the Alpha Site. Then she was hunted by that super soldier for another couple of days. So for almost two weeks she hadn't spoken to him. However, he had left numerous messages on her machine. Once she returned safely from her ordeal to the SGC infirmary, she had waited a few more days to call Pete since she wasn't in the mood for him to rush down to see her after she mentioned her injuries. Moreover, she didn't want him to worry about her. Or was it that she just didn't want to hear Pete tell her once again how dangerous he thought her job was. Well, duh, of course her job was dangerous – she was saving the world against some of the vilest and evil creatures humans had ever encountered. Sure it was fine for him to be a cop and often in precarious situations, but somehow Pete just couldn't seem to fathom that Sam was a highly trained and capable combat soldier who knew how to take care of herself.
She knew she could take care of herself but now she would have to be responsible for Cassie too. And yesterday morning's run-in had left Sam feeling apprehensive and uncertain.
But it was Sunday morning now, and Sam was lying on her bunk in her quarters at the SGC. It was early – early even for her. The digital alarm clock's large red numbers were glowing in the dark revealing the time to be 4:05am. She hadn't really been able to have a restful sleep. All during the night, her mind had been busily rethinking the various events that happened yesterday. Remembering these events tugged at her heart and wouldn't allow her to rest. Knowing that she wasn't going to be able to sleep any more tonight, she waited for her alarm to beep and herald the start of another day. She began to think back to her encounter with Pete.
Sam had hoped that since Cassie had fled to the Colonel's house after their altercation that perhaps she and Pete could have been able to get out and salvage the day by enjoying spending time together and perhaps even getting to be acquainted with one another better as friends. She had quickly realized that whenever they had managed to get together that they mainly engaged in "other activities" as the Colonel had insinuated. She wanted to take time to simply converse with Pete in attempts to better know him – like two normal people. What did he want in life? What were his hobbies? Why did he like Starsky and Hutch so much? Did he prefer dogs or cats? What music did he like? What subjects had he enjoyed in college? Nevertheless, Pete had insisted on talking about what had transpired in the kitchen Saturday morning, and so they did. They always seemed to do what he wanted to do when they managed to get together.
Sighing, Sam closed her eyes and viewed the scene in her mind's eye. They left her house and walked across the street to the park. Sam had initially just wanted to get out and clear her head and enjoy the fresh air. But, it was easy to see in Pete's face that he was hoping that since the teenager was staying with the Colonel that he and Sam might have a nice romantic and possibly intimate evening alone, after they had their talk.
While walking through the park, Pete had tried to hold her hand, but she merely shrugged from his grasp only to cross her arms across her chest and close her self off. She didn't know why though. Resisting even his simple attempts at affection, Sam wanted something beyond his physical comfort; she wanted friendship, understanding, and trust.
Neither one knew what to say at first; they walked for several minutes in the uncertain noise of absolute silence. They walked without saying a word. They walked on the park path. They walked side by side. They walked past other couples. They walked without looking at each other. They walked as two people who didn't know one another. They walked as two strangers pretending to be friends instead of merely paramours. The silence separated them further than their mere inches ever could. As they neared the picnic and playground area, Pete chose then to break the calm with what Sam was sure to be a storm of conversation.
"Sam," Pete began a bit urgently with a look of frustration and hope covering his face, "I want to talk."
"OK, ...so talk." Sam's voice held a twinge of animosity.
Pete gestured for her to sit down. Sam decided to sit on top of the concrete picnic table with her feet resting on the bench because she wanted to still maintain an eye level connection. She was not going to be talked down to today. Sam bent forward slightly with her forearms propped on her thighs and the fingers of each hand woven together in a tight fist. She looked straight ahead, almost through Pete, trying to avoid his now stern gaze. She was dreading this conversation knowing that it would probably turn into yet another confrontation. 'Why is this relationship becoming so hard? Do I really want to put in so much work? Is this what I want?' Sam silently asked herself.
Pete was slowly beginning to pace back and forth in front of Sam trying to think of just what he wanted to say. She noticed that he ran his hand through his hair at the back of his head in apparent annoyance. It was a gesture she had seen someone else use several times. Sam knew Pete was upset with her, but she wasn't about to help him. 'He wants to talk...,' she thought, '...then I'll let him go first.'
With his back to her, he said, "Sam...listen...I'm sorry...I'm sorry that I showed up on your doorstep last night...unexpected." Pete paused and turned to Sam, "I probably should have called first...but...I was only trying to surprise you and be able to be there to comfort you." His eyes were gazing intently into Sam's. "I CARE about you SO much. You're the best thing to happen to me in such a long time. I just thought you might...be depressed and might need me - want me – to...."
Sam was startled to say the least. This wasn't exactly what she was expecting. Pete's voice sounded so sweet and gentle and sincere. She was beginning to get lost in her own musings when she realized that she had missed some of his last words as he had continued talking.
"...it's just that that girl seemed so upset when she saw me in your kitchen this morning. I was hurt...I mean I'm really falling for you Sam...HARD...I couldn't help but think that maybe you were...ashamed of me...or worse...wanting to break up." Pete stopped and just looked at Sam, waiting.
After a few moments, Sam said genuinely, "Pete, I don't WANT to break up. And, I care about you too, but you have to understand that I haven't been in a serious relationship, ...let alone a physical relationship, with anyone in a really long time. It's just...it's just a bit overwhelming...sometimes. And with all that has happened lately...," her mind flashed to her injury at the hand of the super soldier and the departure of her father before continuing, "...especially with losing Janet and almost losing...," Sam's voice suddenly hitched with overwhelming emotion that surprised her, "the Colonel...." Her words trailed off quietly as her eyes started to quickly water. She hated to think about how close she had come to losing him – again.
Pete immediately saw how emotional Sam became when she uttered, "the Colonel." He knew she had a special and unique relationship with "her team." But he was now becoming increasingly concerned that perhaps there might be something else. 'Is this who the girl was implying?' Pete asked himself. But his first thought was that the Colonel was way too old for Sam. Surely she didn't think of him romantically. Plus, what could they possibly have in common – besides work? However, the Colonel and Sam's conversation earlier that morning on the phone had sounded stressed and guarded, as if attempting to hide something. He scrutinized her, although swiftly, wondering if he shouldn't have his friend, FBI Special Agent Dan Ferretty, check on a certain Colonel Jack O'Neill too.
Pete approached Sam and put his hands gently on her shoulders trying to console her. "It's OK Sam. Hey, I'm not all that great with relationships either. Remember, I've already been divorced once." Pete searched Sam's eyes briefly for something, but he couldn't quite read what she was feeling. "But, I want this...I want us...to work."
Sam could only look up into his soft brown eyes and nod slightly. Pete took a step into Sam's personal space and gently, but quickly, kissed her parted lips.
"However...," Pete withdrew, lowered his hands and continued, "...I can't help but WONDER what was irritating her so much."
Sam tried to answer, "I think she was just startled is all. She certainly wasn't expecting you to be there and..."
Pete cut her off abruptly as his finger was now pointing at her face, "Exactly Sam! She wasn't expecting it!" He proceeded to emphasize his viewpoint by counting down on his fingers as each point got louder and louder. "I can understand her being slightly surprised at meeting someone she didn't know. I can understand her being upset if she thought that I was going to interrupt your girl bonding time. I can even understand why you might not have told her about me, YET. And I can certainly understand her being emotional because of just losing her mother." He paused to emphasize his position, "BUT...she was MAD...mad at you...because YOU had a boyfriend." He was staring now as if she were a criminal that he was interrogating. "Sam, she obviously kept referring to someone else...someone else that YOU'RE supposedly in love with."
Sam was amazed how quickly his mood seemed to shift. "Pete, she didn't. I'm NOT seeing anyone else and..."
Once again he noticed it was more what she didn't say than what she did say. She hadn't denied being in love with someone else. "But do you WANT to see someone else?" This time his voice was definitely accusatory.
Was he accusing her of cheating on him? She was dumbfounded. Her eyebrows were scrunched in a deep frown as she blinked repeatedly and her mouth was poised as if to say something, but nothing was coming out. She could only replay his last words in her head, "Do you WANT to see someone else?" Did she? If she were truly honest with herself, did she? Would she if she could? Sam quickly shook her head in order to stop that line of thinking. She couldn't allow herself to get caught up in something that couldn't happen – or more specifically wasn't allowed to happen. All she could do was respond similarly and utter those same words.
Exasperated and unbelieving, she slowly said, "Do I WANT to see...?"
"Yeah Sam, do you? Is there someone else?" He was now shaking his head, shrugging his shoulders and waiving his hands in the air. "Maybe your feelings for me aren't as deep as mine." Pete was determined to find out if she truly wanted him. "Are you just using me...until...until you can be with someone else?" Pete's voice went back and forth from sounding soft and hurt to sounding argumentative and forceful. "Tell me Sam. Who was Cassie talking about?" He had all but yelled the last question.
Now this was definitely more along the conversation that Sam had been expecting. Their conversation continued to get more heated. Pete had persistently inquired about the "someone else" that Cassie had alluded to earlier, and questioned whether or not Sam was serious about a relationship with him. He seemed fixated on this one issue. Sam grew weary of his accusations, and her attempts to constantly reassure him of her "faithfulness" were a bit taxing as well. She couldn't believe how needy and clinging Pete was appearing to her. Didn't he trust her? She trusted him. Why couldn't he take her at her word? She was an honorable person, woman, and officer. There was no one else. There couldn't be anyone else. OK, even if there was someone else, Sam was kidding herself to think that something could ever happen. And if it did, she would be up front about it.
Nevertheless, she had decided to commit herself to this relationship with Pete, to take a chance, to make this work, to have someone, obtainable, in her life. She had decided to be willing to risk getting hurt in hopes of being happy and having a somewhat normal life – a life outside of the SGC. Well, she took a chance and this was what she was getting.
They must have talked, or rather argued, for a couple of hours without truly resolving anything. Finally, Sam suggested to Pete that it would probably be best if he returned to Denver in order to give them some time to cool off and sort through their feelings separately. This of course didn't set well with him. He had insisted that they already spent way too much time apart. Sam was about to suggest another direction for their topic of discussion when Sam had received a page from the SGC. Her knowledge and skills were needed immediately. For her, this escape was a blessing, but for Pete it was just another interfering nuisance. He resented that she had to leave for work right in the middle of their conversation, but Sam tried to politely inform him that he didn't seem to hesitate when he was paged and had to rush off because of his work obligations. She tried to be polite, really, but it came out all too sarcastically and too reminiscent of a hardened Colonel. Pete was a bit surprised by her harsh language and her apparent ease with which she wielded her sharp tongue. He hadn't ever seen this side of Sam, and he was fairly certain that he didn't like it.
By now Sam had had enough. If Pete couldn't see how much Sam was trying, then nothing she could say further today would persuade him. She started walking back to her house quite hurriedly, not really caring if Pete was following or not. They reached her house together and Sam told Pete that he could either stay and wait for her or leave. She mentioned to him that she would try to be back as soon as she could or at the very least call him later about her status, but without knowing the reason behind the page she couldn't really promise anything. Sam reminded him to lock the door behind him if he chose to leave, and with that, she departed for the SGC and left Pete standing flabbergasted in the hallway.
Once at the SGC, she knew that the emergency with the cold dialing computer program wasn't going to take too long to rectify. Initially Sam was somewhat irritated because Lieutenant Graham Simmons was on duty and should have known how to trouble shoot and correct the problem. 'How was he ever going to make Captain?' She mused to herself.
Sam really didn't mind the opportunity to distance herself from Pete. Even though they didn't get to see each other that much, she just didn't want to see him any more today. So, once she had finished sorting out the problem glitch in the software, checking through other programs, showing Simmons how he should have initiated and run the program, and testing it a few times, she glanced at her watch. She arrived at the base around noon and it was... she sighed and stared at her watch...it was only 1630 hours. 'Great. What now?'
She decided to go to the commissary and grab a bite to eat since she hadn't eaten any breakfast and worked right through lunch. She would have liked to have eaten with Teal'C, but he was staying at Daniel's house this weekend in order to offer support and friendship. After eating, she went to her lab, her refuge, her solace, her companion, her safe bet. She just couldn't bring herself to return home. So, she decided to stretch the truth.
"Hello?"
"Hi Pete, it's me."
"Great, when are you coming back? I was thinking that we could go grab some dinner and have a nice relaxed and romantic evening." Pete sounded so sweet and pleasant again. How did he do that? How was it that it seemed as if he could just overlook their earlier heated disagreement? He was certainly waffling back and forth. She much preferred it when someone stuck with one emotion at a time. For instance, when the Colonel was mad, he stayed mad until the situation was rectified.
"Actually...," she hesitated somewhat, "...it looks as if I'm going to need to stay on base tonight and continue with what I'm doing...."
"Sam, come on! How do you expect us to have a relationship if we never get to spend any time together?" Pete was sounding agitated once again. Besides, he had spent five hours by himself in her house channel surfing and raiding her already sparse refrigerator. He was bored!
"Pete, I'm sorry. I need to stay." Right, she needed to stay where she felt safe, where she could think, where she didn't have to work so hard on a relationship that she was beginning to wonder whether or not was worth it. "Listen, feel free to stay at the house tonight...."
"What's the point?" He sounded like a pouting child.
She really didn't want to, but she felt herself give in, "Well, I may finish up tomorrow morning and we can talk then. Maybe grab brunch or something." She hated how she sounded – way too sweet and compliant.
There was silence on the other end of the phone.
"Well, OK. I'll stay." Pete sounded quite defeated now. "Sam, I was really hoping we could... you know... " His insinuation was quite clear.
She cut him off, "Yeah, well, listen I need to go. I'll call you in the morning, Pete. Bye." And she hung up.
She stayed at the base working on some varied experiments and projects, which she didn't have time to finish this week due to everything else that was going on, as well as catching up on some paperwork for both her and the Colonel until well into the evening before dragging herself off to her quarters where she was now laying.
BEEP!! BEEP!! BEEP!! BEEP!! BEEP!! BEEP!!
Finally! The alarm sounded – 6:00am. It was time to start this new day. She turned off the alarm and sat up on the edge of the bunk. She really dreaded today, but she didn't know what she dreaded more. She actually dreaded seeing Pete this morning fearing that he would merely rehash the argument from yesterday, and she didn't want to be romantic with him today either. She also dreaded being alone with Pete in her house, mainly because of the proximity to the bedroom. She knew that he would never force himself on her, but she would just hate to "bust his bubble." Perhaps she would just arrange to meet him at that new French café by the mall. That way she could merely avoid any possible suggestions about intimacy.
She dreaded seeing the Colonel this evening at his house because of what he might now know about her situation with Pete since having talked with Cassie. Besides, she wasn't prepared for him to know the details of her dating life. She also dreaded meeting with Cassie because she didn't know what to say or where to begin.
Sam would give anything to be able to talk to her mom right now about how to deal with, communicate with, Cassie. Sam wished now more than ever that she had had the benefit of having a mother during her own teenager years. She lacked knowledge of any first hand experience. Groaning slightly to herself knowing that although she would love for her dad to be here right now that her dad would have little to offer in way of support or advice for how to deal with a teenager girl. In her mind, part of her wouldn't ever forget how lonely and neglected she had felt when trying to survive her own mother's death. She knew that her father was hurting too all those years ago, but her dad hadn't been there for her, and most importantly in Sam's opinion, he hadn't even seemed to try.
"Oh, Janet, if only you were here to help me through this!" Sam called out to her vacant base quarters then exhaled a combined sigh/chuckle faintly as she realized what she had just said. She brought her palms up to her face and rubbed her eyes with her fingers trying to remove the sleep that wasn't there. How ironic, if Janet was here, then Sam wouldn't have to face Cassie now. Of course, Cassie seemed oddly more distraught over finding Pete in her kitchen than having lost Janet. But this couldn't be right, could it? Sam felt so drained and more than just a little apprehensive with today's prospects.
"Well, can't delay the inevitable." Sam chided herself as she ran her fingers vigorously through her blonde hair then she readied herself for another day. She would shower, eat breakfast, call Pete and schedule to meet him for lunch not brunch, put in a few more hours of work, meet Pete and hopefully have a nice afternoon, run by her house and pack up some of Cassie's things from her room, and then pick up the promised Chinese food to take over to the Colonel's house for dinner, and finally she would talk with Cassie. "At least my life is never routine," she said to her herself as she headed out the door.
To Be Continued...
NOTE: If you liked it, or if you didn't like it, please let me know. Thanks for reading.
Disclaimer: All necessary information is listed prior to Part 1
"Waiting for the Dawn" - Part 8
Saturday hadn't been quite what Sam had expected. She had hoped for a nice quiet time alone with Cassie so that they could help each other through their grief. This previous week had been way too stressful and way too busy for either Sam or Cassie to truly spend any quality time together. And, the next few weeks were going to be stressful as well. They would have to start sorting through Janet's house and belongings sooner or later. However, neither Sam nor Cassie was going to be anywhere near emotionally ready to begin that arduous task right now. Besides they hadn't even met with the attorneys to read through Janet's will. No, Sam had just wanted some time to be with Cassie – alone. But after Pete had innocently arrived on her doorstep Friday evening, what she got was a loud confrontation from both Cassie and Pete.
Although Sam had been dating Pete for almost three months – or more specifically ten weeks five days ten hours and twenty minutes, they had not actually spent much time together. There was an occasional weekend here and there, but work schedules for both of them seemed to always be interfering. Even though it only took about an hour and fifteen minutes at most to drive from Colorado Springs to Denver, weekdays didn't allow for much free time either. Both professionals had hectic work schedules. Sam would often work late during the evenings at the base and of course there were standard routine missions off world throughout the week that would often leave her too tired to drive up and back before she had to report for duty bright and early typically at 0700 hours. One day, soon after Pete had fully recovered from his injury resulting from the Osiris incident, she had managed to drive up on a weeknight for dinner with him but then he was called away during their meal on an urgent case with him having to leave just as the entrees were served. He promised to try and return quickly, but he never did and Sam was left to eat dessert all by herself before finally driving back to Colorado Springs. On one occasion she had suggested that they both meet halfway to have dinner, but that suggestion fell on less than exuberant ears. He was emphatic about how during the week he had to stay in close proximity to Denver in case of being needed on a case.
So, she had only been able to get up to Denver once for a full weekend and Pete had only come down to Colorado Springs four times. His third visit was his attempt to surprise her by coming down on a Wednesday evening for dinner and dancing because he had actually had a day off, but the surprise had been on him since unbeknownst to Pete, Colonel O'Neill had given in to his ever persistent archeologist and agreed that staying over night on PCC-046 and bonding with the locals during their banquet celebration would be best for possible future relations. So, this weekend, although Pete's only fourth trip to Colorado Springs was actually his fifth opportunity to really spend any quality time with Sam since their first week together.
Much of their relationship was spent talking on the phone, but even that aspect was limited. It was pretty hard to call Pete when she was working off world, and she had been off world working with her dad on the new weaponry to fight Anubis' super soldiers for about a week and a half prior to the destruction of the Alpha Site. Then she was hunted by that super soldier for another couple of days. So for almost two weeks she hadn't spoken to him. However, he had left numerous messages on her machine. Once she returned safely from her ordeal to the SGC infirmary, she had waited a few more days to call Pete since she wasn't in the mood for him to rush down to see her after she mentioned her injuries. Moreover, she didn't want him to worry about her. Or was it that she just didn't want to hear Pete tell her once again how dangerous he thought her job was. Well, duh, of course her job was dangerous – she was saving the world against some of the vilest and evil creatures humans had ever encountered. Sure it was fine for him to be a cop and often in precarious situations, but somehow Pete just couldn't seem to fathom that Sam was a highly trained and capable combat soldier who knew how to take care of herself.
She knew she could take care of herself but now she would have to be responsible for Cassie too. And yesterday morning's run-in had left Sam feeling apprehensive and uncertain.
But it was Sunday morning now, and Sam was lying on her bunk in her quarters at the SGC. It was early – early even for her. The digital alarm clock's large red numbers were glowing in the dark revealing the time to be 4:05am. She hadn't really been able to have a restful sleep. All during the night, her mind had been busily rethinking the various events that happened yesterday. Remembering these events tugged at her heart and wouldn't allow her to rest. Knowing that she wasn't going to be able to sleep any more tonight, she waited for her alarm to beep and herald the start of another day. She began to think back to her encounter with Pete.
Sam had hoped that since Cassie had fled to the Colonel's house after their altercation that perhaps she and Pete could have been able to get out and salvage the day by enjoying spending time together and perhaps even getting to be acquainted with one another better as friends. She had quickly realized that whenever they had managed to get together that they mainly engaged in "other activities" as the Colonel had insinuated. She wanted to take time to simply converse with Pete in attempts to better know him – like two normal people. What did he want in life? What were his hobbies? Why did he like Starsky and Hutch so much? Did he prefer dogs or cats? What music did he like? What subjects had he enjoyed in college? Nevertheless, Pete had insisted on talking about what had transpired in the kitchen Saturday morning, and so they did. They always seemed to do what he wanted to do when they managed to get together.
Sighing, Sam closed her eyes and viewed the scene in her mind's eye. They left her house and walked across the street to the park. Sam had initially just wanted to get out and clear her head and enjoy the fresh air. But, it was easy to see in Pete's face that he was hoping that since the teenager was staying with the Colonel that he and Sam might have a nice romantic and possibly intimate evening alone, after they had their talk.
While walking through the park, Pete had tried to hold her hand, but she merely shrugged from his grasp only to cross her arms across her chest and close her self off. She didn't know why though. Resisting even his simple attempts at affection, Sam wanted something beyond his physical comfort; she wanted friendship, understanding, and trust.
Neither one knew what to say at first; they walked for several minutes in the uncertain noise of absolute silence. They walked without saying a word. They walked on the park path. They walked side by side. They walked past other couples. They walked without looking at each other. They walked as two people who didn't know one another. They walked as two strangers pretending to be friends instead of merely paramours. The silence separated them further than their mere inches ever could. As they neared the picnic and playground area, Pete chose then to break the calm with what Sam was sure to be a storm of conversation.
"Sam," Pete began a bit urgently with a look of frustration and hope covering his face, "I want to talk."
"OK, ...so talk." Sam's voice held a twinge of animosity.
Pete gestured for her to sit down. Sam decided to sit on top of the concrete picnic table with her feet resting on the bench because she wanted to still maintain an eye level connection. She was not going to be talked down to today. Sam bent forward slightly with her forearms propped on her thighs and the fingers of each hand woven together in a tight fist. She looked straight ahead, almost through Pete, trying to avoid his now stern gaze. She was dreading this conversation knowing that it would probably turn into yet another confrontation. 'Why is this relationship becoming so hard? Do I really want to put in so much work? Is this what I want?' Sam silently asked herself.
Pete was slowly beginning to pace back and forth in front of Sam trying to think of just what he wanted to say. She noticed that he ran his hand through his hair at the back of his head in apparent annoyance. It was a gesture she had seen someone else use several times. Sam knew Pete was upset with her, but she wasn't about to help him. 'He wants to talk...,' she thought, '...then I'll let him go first.'
With his back to her, he said, "Sam...listen...I'm sorry...I'm sorry that I showed up on your doorstep last night...unexpected." Pete paused and turned to Sam, "I probably should have called first...but...I was only trying to surprise you and be able to be there to comfort you." His eyes were gazing intently into Sam's. "I CARE about you SO much. You're the best thing to happen to me in such a long time. I just thought you might...be depressed and might need me - want me – to...."
Sam was startled to say the least. This wasn't exactly what she was expecting. Pete's voice sounded so sweet and gentle and sincere. She was beginning to get lost in her own musings when she realized that she had missed some of his last words as he had continued talking.
"...it's just that that girl seemed so upset when she saw me in your kitchen this morning. I was hurt...I mean I'm really falling for you Sam...HARD...I couldn't help but think that maybe you were...ashamed of me...or worse...wanting to break up." Pete stopped and just looked at Sam, waiting.
After a few moments, Sam said genuinely, "Pete, I don't WANT to break up. And, I care about you too, but you have to understand that I haven't been in a serious relationship, ...let alone a physical relationship, with anyone in a really long time. It's just...it's just a bit overwhelming...sometimes. And with all that has happened lately...," her mind flashed to her injury at the hand of the super soldier and the departure of her father before continuing, "...especially with losing Janet and almost losing...," Sam's voice suddenly hitched with overwhelming emotion that surprised her, "the Colonel...." Her words trailed off quietly as her eyes started to quickly water. She hated to think about how close she had come to losing him – again.
Pete immediately saw how emotional Sam became when she uttered, "the Colonel." He knew she had a special and unique relationship with "her team." But he was now becoming increasingly concerned that perhaps there might be something else. 'Is this who the girl was implying?' Pete asked himself. But his first thought was that the Colonel was way too old for Sam. Surely she didn't think of him romantically. Plus, what could they possibly have in common – besides work? However, the Colonel and Sam's conversation earlier that morning on the phone had sounded stressed and guarded, as if attempting to hide something. He scrutinized her, although swiftly, wondering if he shouldn't have his friend, FBI Special Agent Dan Ferretty, check on a certain Colonel Jack O'Neill too.
Pete approached Sam and put his hands gently on her shoulders trying to console her. "It's OK Sam. Hey, I'm not all that great with relationships either. Remember, I've already been divorced once." Pete searched Sam's eyes briefly for something, but he couldn't quite read what she was feeling. "But, I want this...I want us...to work."
Sam could only look up into his soft brown eyes and nod slightly. Pete took a step into Sam's personal space and gently, but quickly, kissed her parted lips.
"However...," Pete withdrew, lowered his hands and continued, "...I can't help but WONDER what was irritating her so much."
Sam tried to answer, "I think she was just startled is all. She certainly wasn't expecting you to be there and..."
Pete cut her off abruptly as his finger was now pointing at her face, "Exactly Sam! She wasn't expecting it!" He proceeded to emphasize his viewpoint by counting down on his fingers as each point got louder and louder. "I can understand her being slightly surprised at meeting someone she didn't know. I can understand her being upset if she thought that I was going to interrupt your girl bonding time. I can even understand why you might not have told her about me, YET. And I can certainly understand her being emotional because of just losing her mother." He paused to emphasize his position, "BUT...she was MAD...mad at you...because YOU had a boyfriend." He was staring now as if she were a criminal that he was interrogating. "Sam, she obviously kept referring to someone else...someone else that YOU'RE supposedly in love with."
Sam was amazed how quickly his mood seemed to shift. "Pete, she didn't. I'm NOT seeing anyone else and..."
Once again he noticed it was more what she didn't say than what she did say. She hadn't denied being in love with someone else. "But do you WANT to see someone else?" This time his voice was definitely accusatory.
Was he accusing her of cheating on him? She was dumbfounded. Her eyebrows were scrunched in a deep frown as she blinked repeatedly and her mouth was poised as if to say something, but nothing was coming out. She could only replay his last words in her head, "Do you WANT to see someone else?" Did she? If she were truly honest with herself, did she? Would she if she could? Sam quickly shook her head in order to stop that line of thinking. She couldn't allow herself to get caught up in something that couldn't happen – or more specifically wasn't allowed to happen. All she could do was respond similarly and utter those same words.
Exasperated and unbelieving, she slowly said, "Do I WANT to see...?"
"Yeah Sam, do you? Is there someone else?" He was now shaking his head, shrugging his shoulders and waiving his hands in the air. "Maybe your feelings for me aren't as deep as mine." Pete was determined to find out if she truly wanted him. "Are you just using me...until...until you can be with someone else?" Pete's voice went back and forth from sounding soft and hurt to sounding argumentative and forceful. "Tell me Sam. Who was Cassie talking about?" He had all but yelled the last question.
Now this was definitely more along the conversation that Sam had been expecting. Their conversation continued to get more heated. Pete had persistently inquired about the "someone else" that Cassie had alluded to earlier, and questioned whether or not Sam was serious about a relationship with him. He seemed fixated on this one issue. Sam grew weary of his accusations, and her attempts to constantly reassure him of her "faithfulness" were a bit taxing as well. She couldn't believe how needy and clinging Pete was appearing to her. Didn't he trust her? She trusted him. Why couldn't he take her at her word? She was an honorable person, woman, and officer. There was no one else. There couldn't be anyone else. OK, even if there was someone else, Sam was kidding herself to think that something could ever happen. And if it did, she would be up front about it.
Nevertheless, she had decided to commit herself to this relationship with Pete, to take a chance, to make this work, to have someone, obtainable, in her life. She had decided to be willing to risk getting hurt in hopes of being happy and having a somewhat normal life – a life outside of the SGC. Well, she took a chance and this was what she was getting.
They must have talked, or rather argued, for a couple of hours without truly resolving anything. Finally, Sam suggested to Pete that it would probably be best if he returned to Denver in order to give them some time to cool off and sort through their feelings separately. This of course didn't set well with him. He had insisted that they already spent way too much time apart. Sam was about to suggest another direction for their topic of discussion when Sam had received a page from the SGC. Her knowledge and skills were needed immediately. For her, this escape was a blessing, but for Pete it was just another interfering nuisance. He resented that she had to leave for work right in the middle of their conversation, but Sam tried to politely inform him that he didn't seem to hesitate when he was paged and had to rush off because of his work obligations. She tried to be polite, really, but it came out all too sarcastically and too reminiscent of a hardened Colonel. Pete was a bit surprised by her harsh language and her apparent ease with which she wielded her sharp tongue. He hadn't ever seen this side of Sam, and he was fairly certain that he didn't like it.
By now Sam had had enough. If Pete couldn't see how much Sam was trying, then nothing she could say further today would persuade him. She started walking back to her house quite hurriedly, not really caring if Pete was following or not. They reached her house together and Sam told Pete that he could either stay and wait for her or leave. She mentioned to him that she would try to be back as soon as she could or at the very least call him later about her status, but without knowing the reason behind the page she couldn't really promise anything. Sam reminded him to lock the door behind him if he chose to leave, and with that, she departed for the SGC and left Pete standing flabbergasted in the hallway.
Once at the SGC, she knew that the emergency with the cold dialing computer program wasn't going to take too long to rectify. Initially Sam was somewhat irritated because Lieutenant Graham Simmons was on duty and should have known how to trouble shoot and correct the problem. 'How was he ever going to make Captain?' She mused to herself.
Sam really didn't mind the opportunity to distance herself from Pete. Even though they didn't get to see each other that much, she just didn't want to see him any more today. So, once she had finished sorting out the problem glitch in the software, checking through other programs, showing Simmons how he should have initiated and run the program, and testing it a few times, she glanced at her watch. She arrived at the base around noon and it was... she sighed and stared at her watch...it was only 1630 hours. 'Great. What now?'
She decided to go to the commissary and grab a bite to eat since she hadn't eaten any breakfast and worked right through lunch. She would have liked to have eaten with Teal'C, but he was staying at Daniel's house this weekend in order to offer support and friendship. After eating, she went to her lab, her refuge, her solace, her companion, her safe bet. She just couldn't bring herself to return home. So, she decided to stretch the truth.
"Hello?"
"Hi Pete, it's me."
"Great, when are you coming back? I was thinking that we could go grab some dinner and have a nice relaxed and romantic evening." Pete sounded so sweet and pleasant again. How did he do that? How was it that it seemed as if he could just overlook their earlier heated disagreement? He was certainly waffling back and forth. She much preferred it when someone stuck with one emotion at a time. For instance, when the Colonel was mad, he stayed mad until the situation was rectified.
"Actually...," she hesitated somewhat, "...it looks as if I'm going to need to stay on base tonight and continue with what I'm doing...."
"Sam, come on! How do you expect us to have a relationship if we never get to spend any time together?" Pete was sounding agitated once again. Besides, he had spent five hours by himself in her house channel surfing and raiding her already sparse refrigerator. He was bored!
"Pete, I'm sorry. I need to stay." Right, she needed to stay where she felt safe, where she could think, where she didn't have to work so hard on a relationship that she was beginning to wonder whether or not was worth it. "Listen, feel free to stay at the house tonight...."
"What's the point?" He sounded like a pouting child.
She really didn't want to, but she felt herself give in, "Well, I may finish up tomorrow morning and we can talk then. Maybe grab brunch or something." She hated how she sounded – way too sweet and compliant.
There was silence on the other end of the phone.
"Well, OK. I'll stay." Pete sounded quite defeated now. "Sam, I was really hoping we could... you know... " His insinuation was quite clear.
She cut him off, "Yeah, well, listen I need to go. I'll call you in the morning, Pete. Bye." And she hung up.
She stayed at the base working on some varied experiments and projects, which she didn't have time to finish this week due to everything else that was going on, as well as catching up on some paperwork for both her and the Colonel until well into the evening before dragging herself off to her quarters where she was now laying.
BEEP!! BEEP!! BEEP!! BEEP!! BEEP!! BEEP!!
Finally! The alarm sounded – 6:00am. It was time to start this new day. She turned off the alarm and sat up on the edge of the bunk. She really dreaded today, but she didn't know what she dreaded more. She actually dreaded seeing Pete this morning fearing that he would merely rehash the argument from yesterday, and she didn't want to be romantic with him today either. She also dreaded being alone with Pete in her house, mainly because of the proximity to the bedroom. She knew that he would never force himself on her, but she would just hate to "bust his bubble." Perhaps she would just arrange to meet him at that new French café by the mall. That way she could merely avoid any possible suggestions about intimacy.
She dreaded seeing the Colonel this evening at his house because of what he might now know about her situation with Pete since having talked with Cassie. Besides, she wasn't prepared for him to know the details of her dating life. She also dreaded meeting with Cassie because she didn't know what to say or where to begin.
Sam would give anything to be able to talk to her mom right now about how to deal with, communicate with, Cassie. Sam wished now more than ever that she had had the benefit of having a mother during her own teenager years. She lacked knowledge of any first hand experience. Groaning slightly to herself knowing that although she would love for her dad to be here right now that her dad would have little to offer in way of support or advice for how to deal with a teenager girl. In her mind, part of her wouldn't ever forget how lonely and neglected she had felt when trying to survive her own mother's death. She knew that her father was hurting too all those years ago, but her dad hadn't been there for her, and most importantly in Sam's opinion, he hadn't even seemed to try.
"Oh, Janet, if only you were here to help me through this!" Sam called out to her vacant base quarters then exhaled a combined sigh/chuckle faintly as she realized what she had just said. She brought her palms up to her face and rubbed her eyes with her fingers trying to remove the sleep that wasn't there. How ironic, if Janet was here, then Sam wouldn't have to face Cassie now. Of course, Cassie seemed oddly more distraught over finding Pete in her kitchen than having lost Janet. But this couldn't be right, could it? Sam felt so drained and more than just a little apprehensive with today's prospects.
"Well, can't delay the inevitable." Sam chided herself as she ran her fingers vigorously through her blonde hair then she readied herself for another day. She would shower, eat breakfast, call Pete and schedule to meet him for lunch not brunch, put in a few more hours of work, meet Pete and hopefully have a nice afternoon, run by her house and pack up some of Cassie's things from her room, and then pick up the promised Chinese food to take over to the Colonel's house for dinner, and finally she would talk with Cassie. "At least my life is never routine," she said to her herself as she headed out the door.
To Be Continued...
NOTE: If you liked it, or if you didn't like it, please let me know. Thanks for reading.