Waiting for the Dawn Chapter 12: Part 12, a stargate: sg-1 fanfic

Author: GateSeeker2

Disclaimer: All necessary information is listed prior to Part 1

Author's NOTE: OK, I know that you have been waiting for a long time for this last part. But believe me. I've been waiting too. See, I originally had all of the parts written. Yes, I did. And I was merely tweaking the story as I posted it. But then I just felt like Part 9 needed to be inserted. Then, Part 11 became slightly more tweaked and altered because of the new Part 9. And finally Part 12 simply refused to be resolved. The characters and I were fighting over the ending for this story. It was as if they wanted it to go one way, and I was torn in the opposite direction. I was totally forced to rewrite and rework and reedit and retool and… and… and…. It was getting so frustrating. I was waiting for some sort of inspiration or something. So, I thought it was best to distance myself from it for a while - you know, to get a new perspective. But, I never intended to have you wait so long for the conclusion. Plus, I was becoming quite worried thinking that I might let everyone down. Part 12 had to be just as good if not better than the previous eleven parts. So, I tried. I hope that I didn't lose too many readers because of the delay. Also, I hope that everyone will enjoy this part and that it meets everyone's expectations. Part 12 might need to be separated into two smaller parts, but I left it long on purpose. Enjoy and let me have it in the reviews - good or bad - I'll be strong and take it.

Author's Thanks: This was the longest story that I've posted to date. The feedback from everyone was so appreciated. Thank you to everyone who responded. It was great knowing that someone was actually reading my words. I extend a special thanks to my spouse who supports me in all I do - especially in hours upon hours of reading/writing Sam and Jack Fanfic and marathon episode watching. Also, I give a special thanks to my parents who always encourage me. And, I thank my mother who always reads my work even though she hasn't ever watched an SG1 episode. Also thanks to my close friends Cynthia, Kim, and Tracy for listening to me rant about Stargate and my distrust of Pete.  Also, a big shout out to my e-mail buddies Su Freund and Cathain Nottingham whom without their support and mentoring as fellow fanfic writers I might have quit on this story. Finally, thanks to everyone who sent me a feedback review to date: Augusta, Sci Fi Fan Gillian, File109, Maureen Flowers, reddragoncrp, jess merrick, Cathain Nottingham, draddog, NG, Neuropsych, debcole, HecatonchiresLM, TrancePilot, Dimac99, TArtemis1, pain in the mikta, Su Freund, dunk, Ilovesg1, Lunar1, Dreamer20715, BlueJelloFan, daydr3am3r, Madam Rage, Colonel Samantha Carter, Chibi Kirara, iamari, lia-fin, sueKay-04, anothersg1fan, Rena, Natters, shelaweena, Fanficer Lore, diamondsinthesky, SG1-Fanfic, black leather, and Amy.

READ ON!!!!

"Waiting for the Dawn" - Part 12

RING RING RING RING RING

Pause

RING RING RING RING RING

The silence was shattered. Jack had just asked a crucial question of Sam - "Do you WANT there to be someone else?" - when Jack's house telephone crackled to life. Sam was poised to answer the question when the phone started ringing and threatened to break their tenuous moment. The sound of the ringing was loud and increasingly annoying, but Jack was not going to interrupt this very important possible life altering conversation with Sam in order to hustle down the ladder to pick it up. He didn't care who was calling. Plus, he figured in a few more rings that the answering machine would pick up anyway. But, most importantly, he didn't want to lose the moment with Sam. It had taken them too long to even get this far into a personal conversation; nothing was going to deter Jack.

"Hello?" Cassie's soft voice was beginning to waft through the kitchen window and up to the roof deck. "Oh, hi Daniel."

Jack's eyes opened wide; he had actually forgotten that Cassie was in the house.

"Yeah, I'm fine. How ya doin'?" Cassie's one-sided conversation with Daniel could be clearly heard from where Jack and Sam were sitting.

Jack closed his eyes slowly, yet didn't move. He sat as still as stone knowing that it would only take a moment for Sam to realize what was happening.

"Oh, I'm staying with Jack for a few days." Cassie said promptly.

At first Sam didn't pay any attention to the phone call or Cassie or the fact that she could even hear Cassie. Sam was still caught up in thinking about the question that Jack had just asked her, "Do you WANT there to be someone else," and the closeness that she had allowed herself to have with Jack merely moments ago. Sam just waited for a few seconds pondering what she had initially planned to say and what she would say once they resumed their conversation.

"Well, right now," Cassie's voice could be heard again, "I'm washing an apple and getting a glass of milk for a late snack before I get ready for bed. What are YOU doing?" There was a slight bounciness in her voice as she was unmistakably teasing Daniel.

Obviously Cassie had picked up the Colonel's phone, and not just any extension. He didn't mind her answering his phone. But why did she have to answer the extension in the kitchen?

"Daniel I don't want to get into it." Cassie stressed. Her tone of voice had definitely changed, so Daniel must have inquired as to the reason for her staying at the Colonel's. All of SG1 knew that Cassie was staying with Sam.

Jack opened his eyes as Cassie's voice continued to glide up to the roof deck in the night air. Sam heard every word clearly and did a quick double take between the direction of the sound and Jack's face. Sam knew.

"Well,…I sort of had a fight with Sam…yesterday morning." Cassie supplied tentatively. "No, we're fine now…I guess…but…Daniel, can I ask you a question?"

The conversation that Cassie was having with Daniel, although soft and quiet, was still quite easily heard. So of course, if a very quiet chat in the kitchen might still be heard on this deck then it was almost certain that a more heated and louder argument could have definitely not been ignored.

"Have you met him?" Cassie asked.

Sam closed her eyes now too at the implication of where this exchange was heading.

"Who do ya think Daniel? You know, HIM! Pete whatever. Sam's jerk face boyfriend." Cassie's voice sarcastically stressed the last part.

This was not something that Sam wanted to hear and neither was it something that she wanted Jack to hear.

"I don't care Daniel. I don't like him! He was at Sam's house yesterday morning and…." The conversation halted for a moment. "So?...Listen Daniel! There's just something about him that I don't like."

Startled by the words she just heard, Sam opened her eyes to see Jack looking longingly into her eyes entreating her to understand. He knew that his little underhanded scheme had been found out.

"Daniel!" Cassie's voice was raised as she was yelling at Daniel. "Jack has ALWAYS told me to trust my gut instinct about people and my gut tells me to be leery of him!" Cassie was adamant.

Sam abruptly turned her head towards the direction of the intruding voice. She couldn't believe what Cassie was saying. How could Cassie not trust Pete? She didn't even know Pete!

"Besides…everyone knows that Sam should be with Jack…well…everyone that is EXCEPT Sam."

As soon as Cassie had said this, Sam made an effort to stand as if to exit as quickly as possible from the deck. She didn't know if it was so that she could stop Cassie or so that she could get away from Jack. But, Jack alertly leaned in to Sam from where he was sitting and was able to quickly place both of his hands on her forearms thereby stopping her retreat. Sam shook her head negatively knowing that he was attempting to keep her there. Jack spoke in a hushed whisper, "Please…Sam…wait."

Cassie's voice once again drifted up subtly to the deck. "Daniel you know I'm right."

Sam sat back down on the bench, and Jack slowly moved his hands down her denim clad arms to her slender wrists not wanting to let go of her. They just looked at each other.

"Besides, it's like she lied to me Daniel." Cassie pleaded, paused then began again. "I was so mad at her Daniel. I mean…she didn't even tell us about him and I had to find out about him in her kitchen. It was so…weird."

Jack slipped his larger hands down over Sam's and waited impatiently for Cassie's conversation with Daniel to end. The two purposefully looked down at their entwined hands not wanting to gaze too long into each other's eyes. For now, neither was going to inform Cassie that they heard everything.

"No! That's the same thing that Jack said, but she's making a mistake, Daniel! He's all wrong for her!" Cassie was sounding desperate. "OK, no, I don't know him but.…"

So many questions and thoughts were running through Sam's mind. And, Jack didn't know what he was going to say to Sam to explain, or rather justify, his actions. He wasn't sure if such words even existed.

"No!..Well, I DON'T agree!" There was a pause. "…but…" There was another longer pause; perhaps Daniel was having a few choice words of his own. "…but Daniel…" Cassie was obviously trying to have her say. "Who cares about rules or the planet Daniel or anything else for that matter? They're in love with each other and…."

Cassie's words were bold, but not so surprising. She had already told both Jack and Sam the same thing, albeit separately. Besides, she was right. They were in love with each other. Jack loved Sam, and Sam loved Jack. However, neither of them had truly acknowledged this reality to the other, and Sam had just barely acknowledged it to herself. So, upon hearing Cassie's words, Sam instantly tensed because she was embarrassed and flinched as she attempted to withdraw her hands from Jack's. However, Jack refused to let Sam pull her hands away. Instead, Jack clutched her hands more assuredly and commenced gently rubbing her left palm with his right thumb as if he had all the time in the world to enjoy touching her, but he was still avoiding eye contact. His eyes were simply directed toward her palm as he noticed for perhaps the first time Sam's strong yet feminine hands. He appreciated the strength and the softness at once as well as the chance to hold even this small part of her. Jack continued to stroke Sam's hand then moved his thumb down to her left ring finger. He turned her hand over and caressed this finger that was devoid of jewelry. The gesture was soft and loving much like their earlier embrace. Their physical contact was both electrifying and calming as they found themselves somewhat forgetting about Cassie and her conversation.

"…but…but…Daniel…but…Fine!" Cassie hollered. She was definitely upset and didn't speak for a few seconds. Finally after some time her voice was heard again somewhat more calmly. "Yeah, Sam came over tonight and the three of us had dinner together." It was several seconds before she spoke again. "Sam and I talked. We're OK. I'll go back home to Sam's in a couple of days." Water could briefly be heard running in the sink. "No, I think Sam already went home and Jack's on his roof." Cassie was silent. "Yes, I think he took his cell phone; it's not on the charger cradle here on the counter."

There was no telling what Daniel had been saying to Cassie. Sam wondered if he agreed with Cassie's position. She hadn't discussed with Daniel her relationship with Pete anymore than she had with Janet or Cassie, so she didn't know how Daniel felt about it. However, if he disagreed with her choice, she really didn't want to know just now. Right now she was focusing intently on how it felt for Jack to hold her hand. She didn't think that in all the times that she had served under his command, or even as their time with memory stamps as Jonah and Thera, that he had ever just held her hand. His touch was so tender and gentler then she would have imagined. Yet, his previous act of his apparent eavesdropping seemed so callous and incongruous to his current action, and this caused her to speculate on what his intentions had been.

Cassie's side of the remaining conversation continually started and stopped at various intervals of delay for a few more moments with the typical sounding exasperation of any teenager. "OK Daniel." "I got it!" "Uh huh." "Leave it Ok!" "Yeah Yeah." "Alright." "For a few days?" "Sure. Be safe." "I'll see you in a few days." "I promise." "Yes, Daniel. I love you too." Cassie's vocal tone and inflection was now mirroring Jack's own to a tee. "Goodnight." Nothing further was heard.

One conversation was over and yet another one was just beginning as if Jack's previous question was now completely forgotten.

They sat there for a few minutes more while Sam watched Jack touching and stroking her hands. He touched her like a lover and someone well acquainted with her nuances. The moment was soft and tender but almost felt fake to Sam. Her subdued voice sliced through the increasingly awkward moment. "You heard everything." It was a statement of fact that strove hard to be devoid of accusation.

Jack tried to give her that confused look of "what are you talking about," but he knew that she wasn't going to believe it.

Sam persisted. "Earlier…why?" She had to know.

Jack tried to avoid her eye contact and merely attempted to shirk his shoulders and nod uncertainly all the while still holding her hands.

Sam gripped his hands tightly drawing his attention back to her. "Did you know that you could hear…?" Her voice was authoritative although quiet and her last few words trailed off even more quietly. She was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt because if he had known then that would mean that he had intended on listening, and she didn't know how she would react to that.

This time Jack made himself accountable and looked directly in her eyes. He didn't speak, but she knew by his expression that he had only speculated about the probable outcome of the logistics.

"Then why?" She implored; she felt as if she was spied on and was hurt beyond words. It felt like the time with Orlin and the secret cameras in her house all over again. Jack had gone behind her back then and he was doing it again now. Didn't he trust her? Why would he do that? Did he think so little of her?

"Sam," he began imploringly, "I didn't mean to eavesdrop…" He was cut off by her disbelieving look. "OK, maybe I did…I didn't know for sure that I would be able to hear…. I…I just wanted to make sure that you and Cassie were OK."

Withdrawing her warm hands slowly from Jack's, she placed them in her lap. Jack's hands had never felt so empty, but he wasn't going to resist her. He let her go. He knew that they were getting too close this evening and sensed that she wanted her space.

Sam knew that he was telling her the truth, but that didn't take the initial sting and humiliation away. "That's not a good enough answer." She was hurting. This man who was certainly more than capable of secret covert operations had just used his professional skill and ability to manipulate her during a personal situation. She looked down at her hands not being able to look at him any more. "You shouldn't have done it," she said shaking her head side to side. It wasn't said in a scolding tone, but merely as a plain fact. He shouldn't have done it, and Jack knew it. Sam was a private person and this was a direct violation of her privacy. How dare he spy on her! She couldn't believe that he had done this.

He raised his right hand slightly as if to make a point and stop her disbelief. "You're right Sam, but…." Jack tried to begin a sort of explanation, but Sam abruptly raised her eyes to his making him stop what he was trying to say.

"Did you hear everything?" She asked suddenly remembering what all she had said to Cassie. He merely nodded a subtle yes. Sam closed her eyes and inhaled deeply because she knew now that Jack knew the full extent of her relationship and involvement with Pete and she felt somewhat embarrassed. Plus, he had clearly heard her say that she was not planning to stop seeing Pete. Forcing her eyes opened, she inquired, "How could you do that?" She said with much anguish.

Jack wasn't sure what he was going to say. He swallowed hard. "Sam…"

"I trust you with my life." Her voice was taking on a touch of animosity and she was beginning to lash out. "Am I just some covert op to you? Why would you spy on me? On Cassie? How could you do something so low and underhanded? YOU of all people?!" It was as if their previous gentle moments had all but disappeared. This was turning into a full-blown confrontation.

"Me?" Jack was puzzled. He had still been leaning in towards Sam trying to be close to her, but with her outburst he pointed to his chest with his right hand and sat up and back in his chair somewhat indignantly. "What about Pete?" Jack spoke quickly and defensively and with out thinking. He didn't like being accused even if his actions were a bit questionable. Jack continued, "Pete's not exactly Mr. Perfect Boyfriend!" He instantly regretted what he had said, especially as he saw the surprised and confused look appear on Sam's face. But he couldn't and wouldn't back down.

Sam was stunned. "Pete? What does HE have to do with THIS?"

"Well, he certainly SPIED on you by showing up at the stakeout a few months back and you didn't seem to have a problem forgiving HIM." His words were dripping with disdain as his mind instantly remembered how he was about to enter Pete's room the day after the stakeout while Pete was recovering in the SGC infirmary only to see Sam sitting on his bedside kissing him. When Jack had witnessed this, all he could manage was to turn and walk away trying to erase these new images from his brain. It was hard merely knowing that she was dating someone else but seeing her actually kissing someone else, especially enthusiastically, was all together more difficult and real. It made it all too real.

"WHAT!?!?" She was dumbfounded verging on outrage.

"You heard me!" If she forgave Pete, why couldn't she forgive him? "You don't seem to mind HIM making sure you're OK. But with me I'm violating your privacy and spying on you." Why was he acting so mad? Sam was right. He had spied on her and he shouldn't have done it. How could they have gone so quickly from such tender moments to an argument? Nothing was ever easy between the two of them. The only positive thing was that he hadn't called her Carter, and she had still yet to call him Sir.

"That's not fair, SIR!" Sam began heatedly, "Pete cares for me and…"

"Oh, and I don't!?" Jack exasperatedly blurted out. There gaze locked with the realization of what he had just said. He had just admitted, once again, his feelings for Sam. Jack refused to be embarrassed by it, but he was finding it hard to continue looking at Sam. She represented all he wanted, but was probably never going to have. However he forced himself to not look away because he could tell that Sam's eyes held various emotions, not the least though was love. In this moment, the knowledge of what they had once felt for each other and were forced to admit had not diminished in these last few years, although they both thought that it had. Instead their feelings had only deepened, but solutions still eluded them. And now there was a visible and tangible new obstruction in the Sam and Jack catch-22 mix – Detective Pete Shanahan. Frustrated of living with a semi-public acknowledgement of "caring" for someone that was prohibited by regulations and not being able to resolve it was finally taking its toll on Jack. He finally looked down at the deck's floor as he pulled off his black beanie hat and raked his fingers roughly and vigorously through his unruly gray hair while slumping forward with his elbows propped up on his thighs.

Sam didn't know what to say. Jack's words caught her so unaware. She knew that Jack had said a lot in that exasperated statement. But, she needed to focus on the issue at hand. Jack had implied that he had acted no differently from Pete. Sam had in fact attributed Pete's actions at the time to his curious cop nature and that was why he had followed her. After all, it was understandable that a cop when curious about something, or some one, would pursue answers. And that was what he had done. Right? Besides they were in a relationship, and he cared about her. 'He cared about her.' Sam heard these words echoing in her head. What exactly do those words mean? How deep does the emotional attachment to these words run? Sam had overlooked Pete's secretive behavior then because he claimed to have 'cared about her.' Well, the Colonel, Jack, also 'cared about her' – "more than he was supposed to." She knew that, but maybe she had forgotten that. Stating it now like he had simply brought back the realization and intensity of Jack's feelings. Jack cared for her more than he was supposed to almost three years ago and now it looked as if he was still caring even though she was obviously involved with some one else. Yet, perhaps Jack was "spying on her" solely for selfless reasons too, but that didn't make her feel betrayed any less. Somehow Jack's actions hurt her more than Pete's. She expected more from Jack. After all he was her commanding officer.

Jack O'Neill seemed forever destined to be Samantha Carter's commanding officer. Sam exhaled heavily as her eyes looked heaven ward for some sort of answer to this recurring dilemma. What difference did it make if she loved him and he loved her? What difference did it make if in other realities Sam and Jack had been able to pursue a romantic relationship? Here they were military. They were officers of character and integrity. The SGC needed their combined expertise. SG1 needed them on the same team. Earth needed them together professionally, not personally, even though their efforts and struggles and desires went unnoticed to the masses. Who cared what Sam and Jack needed? Or wanted? Besides, they had stored their emotions and feelings for each other in that isolation room so many years ago that revisiting them now, or ever, was just a waste of time and effort. Wasn't it?

"Colonel…," Sam tried tentatively and unsure of exactly what she wanted to say, "…I'm not sure…that…this is the time or place to discuss…".

"Oh?" Jack looked up quickly and cut her off, "and just where IS the place to discuss this MAJOR?" He was furiously sarcastic. Jack was resenting her use of their ranks. He knew that it was her attempt to distant themselves and remember the ever present rules and regulations. Sitting up now on the edge of his chair Jack persisted. "That stupid isolation room? That's the place were we first talked about IT. But YOU made sure that WE didn't talk about IT then either! YOU locked it up quick enough in that room and threw away the key!"

Sam was staggered. She could only stare at him. He thought she hadn't wanted to talk about "it." She had suggested "leaving it in that room" for his sake. Fraternization rules, if broken, were always hardest on the senior officer. She thought he had known that. Besides, he was obviously eager to accept the agreement at the time, not to mention that he looked a bit relieved because of her suggestion.

Jack was on a roll and sometimes he just didn't know when to shut up. "Oh, and MAJOR, you might want to talk to your BOYFRIEND," he said cuttingly, "because he was here earlier tonight spying on you TOO." He knew she was stunned. "Yeah that's right C A R T E R!" He stretched out her name then adjusted slightly in his chair so that his left arm was now fully extended and pointing in the general direction down his street. "He was in the park down the street, watching YOU – watching US." His voice was harsh as he tried to verbally punch her.

"What?" She wasn't sure what she was hearing. "Why…?"

"How the heck do I know!" He flailed his arms up in the arm at the stupidity of her question and almost tossed his black hat over the deck railing. Jack kept on with his rant. "While you were talking to him on your cell phone I saw him through the telescope."

"But why? I don't understand." This was all getting to be too much. She knew that the Colonel would never make this up; she thought. "He's in Denver. Why…why…would he be here?"

"Now that's a good question, isn't it? Maybe you should ask him." Jack said smugly as his face was now contorted into his ever so annoying "I'm really hating this but I'll try to endure it anyway" smirk. Then his face went blank as he pulled his beanie down tight over his head and sat back in his chair with arms crossed appearing confident as if he had just won round ten of a Las Vegas prize boxing match.

It was a good question, and if Jack had said that he'd seen Pete, then he did. She would have to deal with Pete later regarding his behavior. But for now, she still wanted to address the Colonel's behavior. Sam's voice was even, "Why are you doing this…Colonel?" She was getting tired of this.

Jack noticed the change in Sam's eyes. They went from anger to surprise to hurt and finally a weariness that almost broke his heart. Jack's previous posture of confidence quickly changed as he uncrossed his arms and now slouched in the chair. He knew that they had gone way too close to that invisible line in so many ways tonight. Jack thought for a moment about why he had retaliated the way that he had.

With a low and steady voice that threatened to crackle with emotion, Jack answered her. "Because Cassie's right. And, I still CARE about you, a lot more than I'm supposed to." Jack did his best to make sure she understood his meaning. It was as close as he would dare to come to saying, 'I love you,' while she was under his command. Exhaling heavily, he spoke as quiet as a whisper. "And I ALWAYS will."

Sam was immediately struck with the depth of emotion that was conveyed through Jack's cloaked message. But she was so tired of those words. "Sir, you can't…we can't…CARE about each other…THAT way." She pleaded as if to ignore the truth.

"Don't you think I know that?" It was said with such sad resignation. He couldn't change the way that he felt about her any more than he could stop the dawn from coming tomorrow. Regulations did not stop his feelings for her, and her being with Pete couldn't deter him either. 'I never meant to fall in love with you Sam,' Jack thought to himself. He felt his eyes becoming warm so he chose to look away. Glancing down at the deck floor, he had all but forgotten his beer. He leaned down to pick it up and closed his eyes while taking a long swig hoping that this small amount of alcohol would drown these last confessions.

Neither spoke for a few moments. What good would it have done to speak? This was a topic that they weren't allowed to address. Frustration seemed to be the only emotion that either was allowed to have.

"Colonel, I don't know what…"

"Listen…Sam…," he didn't know if he could continue, but he needed to. He had to make amends to Carter both for his underhanded spying and his recent verbal lashing out. Jack knew of know way to have them be together without one of them sacrificing something that perhaps neither one of these bull headed officers was willing to do yet. And, he was tired of hurting Sam and appearing jealous. So he stopped avoiding her gaze and quit fiddling with the beer label. He steeled his resolve for what he wanted to say. "I can't…give you any…OFFICIAL reasons for you to NOT pursue a life outside of the SGC with whomever you choose." He hoped with all his heart that she would break it off with this jerk stalking goober boyfriend. But, if it wasn't Pete what's his name, it was sure to be someone else. "You don't owe ME,…or Cassie…or anyone else an explanation. And like I told Cass yesterday, 'Carter needs to live her own life.' So, …if he's who you…want…," his otherwise neutral expression was slightly betrayed with a brief contorted look of disgust and nausea before he quickly cleared his throat and continued, "..uhm…that's your decision…and only yours. You deserve more than just someone CARING for you…you deserve to have someone…who's free to…love you…Sam." Jack had always known that they he had loved Carter enough to fight for her to keep her safe with him. Heck! He'd give his life's breath for hers in a second. But, now he realized that he loved her enough to sacrifice his life's hopes and let her go.

When he had first said her name, it was expressed so huskily that it made her shiver and forced her to remember to breathe as she listened to him speak. But she couldn't believe what she had just heard. It was him admitting to relinquishing his hopes for there ever being a "them." Sam thought she could actually hear Jack's heart breaking. Or perhaps it was her own heart that was breaking.

How could this be happening? How could she in one evening come to finally admit to herself her own repressed feelings only to have the object of her feelings choose to remove himself from the equation?

"Are there any UNOFFICIAL reasons…," she wanted to add it - but did she dare - "…Jack?" Sam was surprised by her own boldness. Jack actually appeared flabbergasted.

RING!! RING!! RING!! RING!! RING!!

Jack's cell phone crackled to life with its annoying announcement of its presence. 'Great! What's with all these stupid phones tonight?' Jack reflected then cursed under his breath.

RING!! RING!! RING!! RING!! RING!!

Reluctantly, he turned away from Sam. Jack grabbed the offending item, in its bright yellow water resistant case, off the deck railing where it was resting peacefully up until now. It took all the restraint that Jack could muster to not throw the phone far away into the back yard. He didn't want to talk to anyone just now. However, maybe they needed a break. Sam's last question had completely caught Jack off guard. Not to mention the use of his first name surprised the heck out of him. As he stood up and walked to the opposite edge of the small deck so that his back was facing Sam he blocked her only possible exit. Jack didn't want her leaving until they finished their talk. One way or another, they were going to finish this – if possible. He breathed heavily as he noticed the name of the intruder was revealed on the caller ID. 'Man that guy has rotten timing!' Jack thought. He pushed the talk button aggressively with his right hand, then slammed his left palm down on the railing as he answered in a heated tone, "WHAT!?!"

"Uh, Jack?"

"YES D-a-n-i-e-l!" Jack's verbal restraint was noticeable as he exaggerated Daniel's name.

"Uh. Did I catch you at a bad time?" Daniel inquired.

Jack sighed. "No Daniel. It's a GREAT time," he said sarcastically. "What do you need?"

"Well, actually I was working in my lab tonight…you know…trying to forget my grief for a while, so I thought that I would attempt to translate some of the ruins that Dr. Balinsky photographed. They are actually quite fascinating. It seems as if…."

Jack couldn't put up with Daniel's archeological ranting on a good day let alone right now. "Daniel!" Jack yelled.

"Yes?" Daniel said a bit shaken with Jack's tone of voice. Even over the phone, Jack could rattle his friend.

"Why did you call?" He over-enunciated every word.

"Oh, right right, I just…ah…wanted to let you know that SG1 is being recalled. General Hammond needs us to pursue an NID lead with Agent Barrett in California tomorrow."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, us but not you. You're not cleared for active duty yet, so he wanted me to let you know that you won't be joining us. Remember, you still have at least another couple of days of medical leave." Daniel knew that Jack hated not being able to be there to lead his team and was afraid that Jack would be upset about being left out of this mission.

"Fine." Jack stated flatly.

"Really?" Daniel was quite surprised.

"Yeah." Jack sounded noncommittal.

"O…K…," Daniel replied tentatively then decided to change the topic of conversation, "So…Cassie's staying with you?"

Jack sighed, "Yes she is." He refused to say more.

"So?" Daniel continued.

"So?" Jack didn't offer anything further.

"So, I called your house earlier and Cassie answered the phone. She doesn't seem too happy." Daniel didn't want to pry but he was curious about what was happening within his family.

"She'll be fine Daniel." Jack was ready to end his phone call. "Have you talked to Carter yet?" He asked only because he thought he knew the answer.

"Aah…No. I wanted to call you first but I had called…."

"Right." Jack cut Daniel off quickly in hopes of getting back to his awkward conversation with Sam. "Call her about the mission and check in with me tomorrow afternoon. Bye."

Daniel was left just staring at his phone saying, "That was…weird."

Jack ended his call and continued looking at the phone in his hand. He just couldn't make himself turn around to look at Sam no matter how much he wanted to. He placed the phone on the nearby railing and waited for his heart rate to return to normal. Jack was upset with all that was transpiring tonight.

"Daniel's gonna call you." The Colonel informed his Major.

She had wondered at first why the Colonel didn't just let her talk to Daniel. Why didn't he just hand her his phone? It would certainly have saved a phone call. Daniel had already known that she was here earlier. Then she realized. The Colonel didn't want Daniel to know that she was still here, with him.

"OK," was her only answer. Nothing else was said. It was as if they were both waiting until after Daniel had called.

Just then Sam's cell phone rang. She retrieved it, for the second time this evening, from the pocket of her denim jacket were she had put it earlier. She didn't have to look to know who it was.

"Hello?" She answered calmly.

"Hi Sam. It's me Daniel."

"What's up Daniel?" She tried to sound upbeat but it just wasn't in her at the moment. These last two days of emotional distress were tiring her, and she knew that it was getting late this evening.

"I thought you'd be home." After all Cassie had told him that she had already left Jack's house. "I tried your house a while ago but your machine picked up."

"Yeah, I'm still out." She said a bit too abruptly and didn't bother dwelling on the details.

"Oh, OK. Well,…I just called Jack to let him know that we're being recalled. General Hammond needs us to go assist an Agent Barrett tomorrow in California."

"Malcolm?"

"Uh…Yeah." Daniel thought it odd that she would know his first name, but then Daniel had been ascended when Sam had worked with Barrett previously.

"Why?" She asked not really caring as she absently looked at the cuticles of her right hand.

"Well, it seems as if there is something that requires our specialty and needs investigating." He knew not to say more over an unsecured line.

"OK, when do we leave?" She quickly ticked away in her mind what she would have to do to be ready for tomorrow.

"We, you, me and Teal'C that is, fly out of Peterson AFB at 7:30 tomorrow morning." Sam could almost picture Daniel cringing as he said it. She knew that Daniel was most definitely not a morning person. "Jack won't be going of course because of his recent injury. We'll probably be gone a few days or so."

"Alright," she said wearily. She loved her job, but it was always rush rush here and rush rush there and mission after mission after mission…. Hammond had specially granted SG1 an extra week of down town to grieve Janet's death, but nothing in her life was ever predictable. That old cliché "The only thing constant in life is change" was certainly true for her life. "I guess I'll go grab some clothes and just stay on base tonight." Sam said resolutely.

"Yeah…uh…Sam…I called Jack's house earlier and spoke with Cassie." Daniel didn't know how to broach the subject, but he wanted Sam to know he was always willing to be there for her if needed. "Is everything all…OK…between the two of you?" She could tell that Daniel was concerned. It was sweet. Daniel was so much more protective and supportive of Sam than her real brother Mark.

"Don't worry Daniel. Everything's fine." Sam tried to reassure him, but she felt as if she was keeping a secret from Daniel.

"OK," he didn't totally believe her answer, but he wouldn't push her on it, just now. "I guess it's a good thing that she's staying with Jack."

"Yeah, it looks like she'll be staying with…ah…the Colonel...for a few days." She was hoping that the conversation was close to being over.

Something in Sam's tone of voice was unsettling to Daniel. "Yeah, well, I told Cassie that…ah…well…that I'd try and see her soon." He paused for a moment, and when Sam didn't add anything, he continued. "Well, I suppose I'd better let you go then. And, I guess I'll see you tomorrow morning."

"Alright. Bye Daniel." Sam said plainly.

"Bye Sam." Sam was already ending her call as Daniel was saying goodbye.

As she placed the phone back in her pocket, she noticed that the Colonel was still standing very rigidly where he was prior to Daniel's phone call.

Sam began tentatively, "Good thing Cassie's already staying with you…," she thought whether or not she should then said, "…Sir." She immediately shook her head regretting having added his title when his shoulders visibly tensed.

Jack's only response was a subtle head nod.

"I guess something's up with the NID again." Sam prompted. "We'll probably be gone a few days. Daniel probably already told her, but I'll be sure to check on Cassie before I leave."

He merely nodded again and continued to stare out into the side yard with his back to her.

Sam continued to watch Jack. He was like a statue. It was as if he was frozen and couldn't move. He was so close to her and yet seemed so far away. His feet were planted firmly with legs slightly apart. His back was straight. His shoulders were held back. His head was held erect. His hands were thrust deeply into the front pockets of his jeans. His bearing gave nothing away, but she pondered his physical presence for a few moments anyway.

In the field during combat situations she could read his movements, no matter how small. His movements or the lack of them may have been misleading to those who didn't know him. But under fire she instinctively knew exactly what he wanted and expected from her. And she would respond immediately without faltering, trusting him with her life and the lives of her teammates. Every raised eyebrow, every grimace, every head nod, every hand signal told her exactly what he needed from her for the situation at hand. In the briefing room or her lab she could often read his movements there too, even when he tried hard to conceal his nonverbal messages. She could tell when he was bored, tired, excited, distracted or even unnerved. Tonight, he seemed a little off, a little unnerved, even a little vulnerable.

Jack O'Neill always seemed a bit more exposed when he was dressed in civilian attire. Perhaps, it was mainly because she rarely saw him this way without the trappings of his uniform. His off duty casual civilian wardrobe was as far from his military bearing as possible. Jack was dressed typically tonight: comfortable jogging shoes, warm thick white athletic socks, loose comfy and somewhat baggy washed-out faded blue jeans worn without a belt, old soft short sleeve gray Air Force Academy T-shirt, dark gray pull-over fleece zip neck jacket, and of course his favorite black beanie. This was the side of the Colonel that Carter rarely got to see, but enjoyed when she did. When Jack O'Neill looked like this, he almost seemed obtainable.

When were they ever free to simply watch each other like they were doing this evening, and like Carter was doing now? It felt both comfortable and strained. She knew that the Colonel was aware of her gaze upon him. He could read her even better than she could read him. It didn't matter where they were: the briefing room, the commissary, her lab, off world, O'Malley's, a backyard BBQ, or wherever. Sometimes, she would find him staring at her – not glaring or leering – but just watching. He was like a sponge absorbing her subtleties, her movements and the emotions that often elicited those movements. At first, years ago, she found it a bit unsettling to feel his eyes gazing upon her as if trying to memorize her because it was often such a deep steadfast all-knowing gaze, and it was from her commanding officer. However, these days, she could sense it before she saw it and it felt comforting to her. It reassured her that he was there as if watching over her, and not just as a CO. But now, at this very moment, she wondered if he was ever going to turn around and look at her again, simply as a man. Something had changed tonight; it had changed them both.

Yes, Jack had eavesdropped on her conversation with Cassie. And yes, Sam was upset by it, but her former intense outrage was being replaced by understanding. Although his actions were wrong, his motives were right. Jack was no different from Pete. Or was he? Jack informed her that Pete had also being spying on her tonight. Sure she justified Pete's actions months previously, but what could Pete's reasons have been tonight. Sam was finding herself confused over this new revelation. Plus, Jack was laying his heart on the line for Sam to see. She knew that Jack O'Neill didn't do "vulnerable" willingly. How could two intelligent people become so vulnerable to love that they couldn't seem to formulate a reasonable solution?

These two Air Force officers had developed such a bond that they often spoke more non-verbally than verbally. It was equally hard for both of them to vocalize their needs, wants, fears, hopes, etc. Yet, they both understood the other – most days. But right now, on this deck, neither knew what they other truly wanted or needed, and neither was willing to ask.

Sam was wringing her hands striving hard to think of something to say when suddenly Jack spoke, albeit still facing away from her. So much was already said tonight, but there were was still so much left unsaid. However, what needed and longed to be said might forever remain unspoken.

"You didn't finish answering my question." Jack asked calmly and with great determination.

"What?" Sam was confused by his question. She had become lost in her thoughts of Jack and the situation this evening trying to think of something to say. Hadn't she been the last to ask a question prior to Daniel calling? "What?" She asked again coming out of her thoughts, "I'm sorry…what did you say?"

"Earlier. Before Daniel called and Cassie answered. You didn't answer."

"Oh." Sam looked down at her shoes and briefly shook her head. She was so surprised that the Colonel would revisit this question. It seemed like ages ago since he had asked. She didn't need to ask him to repeat the question though. She knew to which he was referring. It was still emblazoned on her heart: "Do you want there to be someone else?"

The temperature around her was dropping, as the breeze became more constant and forceful, but she was beginning to feel her heart heat up. Blood was coursing through her veins and pumping vigorously. Could they really be daring to discuss this? "No,…no I didn't,…did I?"

"So?" Jack turned around so slowly that his movement was almost imperceptible. "Do you WANT there to be someone else?" This time the phrase was uttered much more calmly and resolutely. She had asked him only moments ago if there were perhaps any "unofficial reasons" that he could give her for not pursuing a life outside of the SGC with Pete. And she had purposefully called him "Jack." He was taking a chance, but it was a chance he had to take. He had felt like a paratrooper cutting away his main chute only to realize that his reserve chute was now failing too when he told her that "she deserved to have someone love her." Yet, he was hoping that she was giving him a chance, perhaps he had a second reserve chute. 'Hey, miracles could happen,' Jack thought. Well, he would answer her question after she answered his. After all, his answer would probably be determined by hers.

'This is it. After all these years, for some reason, the time is here. What am I going to say? Do you want someone else? Do I? Do I want someone else?' Her mind was rehashing the same question. Sam realized that this was the same question that Pete had asked her yesterday. When Pete had asked it, he asked it in a harsh accusatory manner, but just now as the Colonel, no as Jack - the man who loved her and whom she loved - asked her, he asked with a soft uncertainty that pleaded for the truth as if his very life hinged on it. She didn't know what to say or do. Then she began to feel his gaze, his warm and protective gaze, upon her coaxing her to answer. Sam slowly raised her head and met his eyes with her own.

"Yes."

That was it - one simple word. It was still fairly non-descript if anyone had been listening, but for those involved in this conversation, it was now reality. She uttered the truth. She could never lie to him, and she wasn't going to ignore "it" anymore. How many more times could she do this to herself - ignore the truth? How many times would she almost loose the man she loved? How many times would they have like this?

She barely spoke that one word. Jack would have missed hearing it if he had chosen that moment to exhale. If he hadn't been focused so intently on her, he might have misread her. But he read her total being and knew that she was not happy with Pete. Sure she might care about Pete and perhaps she even had come to love him somewhat, but he was certain that she wasn't in love with Pete – not now and hopefully not ever. Jack merely acknowledged her admission with the subtlest head nod. He somehow just knew that she had given him the answer that he had longed to finally hear.

Her eyes helped to express all that remained unspoken by her lips. Sam Carter admitted to wanting him – Jack O'Neill, broken down weary physically and emotionally scared soldier and all around pain in the mitka. He had always hoped that she did care for him, maybe even love him. Now her eyes shown bright like the morning sun with the glaring truth. Sam loved Jack. Oh, he couldn't be absolutely one hundred percent certain without her saying the precise words. But he was banking on ninety-nine percent that she had admitted to wanting someone other than Pete, maybe even Jack himself. Jack felt rejuvenated. And for now, he could wait – some more since it was necessary – until circumstances were different. It might still be awhile before they could truly speak of their love openly and honestly "given their working relationship and military ranks." There were still many more questions and answers to come, but for now the door to that room that had seemed so locked and forgotten had been opened, if only slightly.

Sam knew that although she had only admitted to possibly wanting someone else instead of Pete. She also hoped that Jack knew to what she was referring. However, Pete was still in the picture. She was dating Pete. She was in relationship with Pete. And, although she loved Jack, she didn't know if she was ready to break things off with Pete, and this confused her. Pete wasn't who she wanted for all time, but it was who she had – now. And, she didn't know if she would be able to give up her new found contentment for the uncertainty of a happiness that might forever elude her. Could it be that although she wanted Jack that she wanted the immediate appearance of normalcy more?

Jack stood there watching Sam as she sat watching him. Sam was hoping that Jack would pull her to him in a deep hug again, but she didn't think that was going to happen, no matter how much see wanted him to do it. She realized that in Jack's arms was the only place that she felt safe and secure. So many times recently he had given her his shoulder for support. So many times lately she reveled in the ability to be so near him, to feel him, to be embraced by him so completely. Even as Sam longed for Jack's arms, she began to realize that this weekend she was constantly distancing herself from Pete's touch. Although Sam had been physically intimate with Pete, it felt distant and intrusive. However, with Jack she was able to sense more intimacy in his offering of support. Pete wasn't who she wanted, but it was who she had - and might continue to have.

"But…I mean…I took a chance…Pete's a…nice man, but…lately…it just seems harder to make this…work." She thought she had to clarify her earlier confession.

"Yeah well," Jack finally began to ease his posture, "maintaining a relationship, even in the best of circumstances, is hard work." He nodded as if to say he understood Jack also hoped that she would know that he was also referring to his relationship with her. He remembered how hard it was being married to Sara and keeping so many secrets from her during his Special Forces days.

Sam just nodded. After all, what could she say? He certainly had more experience than her in this area. He had been married for around ten years or more.

"Listen, I know that Cassie is upset with you over this…." 'And I'm more than a little perturbed!' Jack thought, "…but she knows what it's like to…date…she'll come around…you need to live your own life. I meant what I said earlier…you deserve to try…and have a life…and…like I said… 'if he's who you want'," but he quickly added, "for now…, that's your decision, and if he's NOT," Jack knowing that she had said, "Yes," to wanting someone else. "Well…that's your choice too." He didn't want to seem like he was given her his blessing on seeing another man, any other man, but what could he do?

"But...," Sam started.

"But, nothing has changed, and nothing is going to change…," he gestured between himself and Sam, "…for…awhile."

She just looked at him perplexed. 'How could he be saying that? Everything has changed tonight!' "But what do YOU want…Jack?" She longed to know if he wanted her as much as she wanted him.

Jack could tell that Sam wasn't understanding what he was saying. "Sam…I want…right now…what I want…well…you deserve to have someone…now…if that's what you want. We…I mean… Daniel, Teal'C and I have already had a shot at having someone in our lives. There's nothing I can…as much as I…I don't want you to…it has to be your…." He just couldn't bring himself to say more. Jack was embarrassed of stumbling over his words. He wasn't used to expressing his feelings for this woman in words. He wasn't free to say 'I say love.' He wasn't able to tell her how much he wanted her to stop seeing the loser Detective.

"But…what if I can't have what…or who…I want?" She wanted him to give her a reason to stop dating Pete. She stood up and moved closer to him placing her right hand on his left sleeve.

Jack was amazed with Carter's newfound boldness tonight as he watched as she stood and moved closer to him. He couldn't take much more of this. She was calling him Jack. She was near him. She was touching him. He wanted nothing more than to hold her in his arms again, but he knew if he did that then he might not let her leave this roof deck – ever. It was killing him to think that she might continue dating Pete, especially knowing that she wasn't in love with that jerk. Besides they had danced so closely around their relationship so this evening. But, they were only able to resolve so much tonight.

Jack wanted the awkward "bare your soul" moment from earlier to pass – quickly, so it was time to go back to his humorous ways.

"OOOOHhhhh!" Jack said with a sly grin on his face as he took his hand from his pocket and wagged his finger slightly at her. "That's were you're wrong, Carter." He crossed over to his chair and sat down while retrieving the last beer which was loosing its coldness.

"Wrong, Sir?" She unknowingly added the "Sir" probably since he had used her surname. It was just an instant reaction. They were back to Colonel and Major. They were forever Colonel and Major.

"Yep! You see. I also told Cassie that all you can do in life is take one day at a time and above all else keep hoping…hoping that one day…you'll get what you want." For some reason, Jack felt confident, wearily so, but confident none the less. And he took a deep swig on his beer.

"And are you hopeful, Sir?" She couldn't help but grin slightly at the truly weird and awkward turn of events this evening.

Jack was quickly serious again and pierced her eyes with his. "For a long time after Charlie's death – no – I wasn't." The seriousness faded as quickly as it came. "But now…absolutely! I have to be." Jack said with a half confident smirk/grin then looked at the beer bottle. He added one more comment while looking straight at her, "Now more than ever."

"I wish I was." Carter was sounding downtrodden. Right now, she couldn't see how she was ever going to have what she wanted - who she wanted - now. No longer was it a mere attraction to her Commanding Officer; no, now it was an admission of truly being in love with Jack. How would she survive this?

Jack was now propping his feet up on the railing, "Oh come on Carter!" Leaning in slightly to readjust the telescope, "If and WHEN," he couldn't help but stress "when," "you want to stop seeing what's his name and decide you want someone else. Then, someone else will be there."

"Oh please Sir." She chuckled out loud. "How can you be so sure that "Someone Else," and she gestured with her fingers making quotation marks in the air, "will be there WHEN I want them to be?" She knew that he wasn't comfortable with her seeing Pete. And she couldn't believe that he was just appearing to give her the "OK" to date another man, to be with another man.

He backed away from the telescope eyepiece and looked at her then smiled. "Oh I don't know. Just call it a safe bet."

Sam's eyes instantly grew wide at the reference that he obliviously could know nothing about. 'A safe bet. He said it was a safe bet.' She now smiled. He was telling her that he'd be there for her. Sure, he might have been somewhat hurt by her choosing to start dating Pete, but he had apparently understood her reasons and wouldn't hold them against her. "O…K… Sir. I'll take that bet." Now she just needed to decide whether or not she was going to continue seeing Pete, especially after this evening's events.

He looked at her somewhat puzzled with his eyebrows slightly knitted together. "O…K…."

And with that, he was awarded one of her special gold medal brilliant smiles.

"Well, Sir." She looked down at her watch and noticed that it was nearing 11:30pm. "I suppose I need to go." And she rose while gesturing over her shoulder with both her thumbs. "It sounds like we're gonna' have a busy day tomorrow. I'll check in with Cassie and let her know what's happening before I head out." She positioned herself to start climbing down the ladder. "Thanks for everything tonight, Sir."

"Yeah well…," he left it open ended, but grinned brightly at her.

"Sir? Are you coming down?"

He looked up into the sky, "Nah, I think I'll stay a little longer."

"OK – goodnight." She again refused to add the usual tag title and left.

Jack leaned over the rail just as her head disappeared, "Carter! Lock up the front door on your way out."

He sat back and began to drink more of his beer. The sky was dark and the stars illuminated his very soul. Despite his grief of losing his close friend and colleague, Janet, he felt freer than he had in months. Tonight was productive. Wasn't it? He couldn't believe so much was disclosed. Yep, he definitely had to be hopeful now. Nothing in life was for certain. The dawn of a new day wasn't even guaranteed, but merely hoped for. 'Maybe I'll just stay up here and wait for the dawn,' he thought. Jack now had a renewed hope and he would cling to it. One day he and Sam would have a real open and honest conversation without having to speak in riddles and without leaving things half-said. Some day there would be no barriers between them. When that day came, Jack intended to make sure that Sam knew exactly how much he loved and "cared" for her.

And until Carter walked down the aisle and said, "I do" to another man, he could still hope for what he wanted. Besides each dawn delivered endless possibilities and opportunities to each new day.

THE END….of Book 1

Author's Thanks: This was the longest story that I've posted to date. The feedback from everyone was so appreciated. Thank you to everyone who responded. It was great knowing that someone was actually reading my words. I extend a special thanks to my spouse who supports me in all I do - especially in hours upon hours of reading/writing Sam and Jack Fanfic and marathon episode watching. Also, I give a special thanks to my parents who always encourage me. My mother always reads my work even though she hasn't ever watched an SG1 episode. Also thanks to my close friends Cynthia, Kim, and Tracy for listening to me rant about Stargate and my hatred for Pete.  Also, a big shout out to my e-mail buddies Su Freund and Cathain Nottingham whom without their support and encouragement as fellow fanfic writers I might have quit on this story. Finally, thanks to everyone who sent me a feedback review to date: Augusta, Sci Fi Fan Gillian, File109, Maureen Flowers, reddragoncrp, jess merrick, Cathain Nottingham, draddog, NG, Neuropsych, debcole, HecatonchiresLM, TrancePilot, Dimac99, TArtemis1, pain in the mikta, Su Freund, dunk, Ilovesg1, Lunar1, Dreamer20715, BlueJelloFan, daydr3am3r, Madam Rage, Colonel Samantha Carter, Chibi Kirara, iamari, lia-fin, sueKay-04, anothersg1fan, Rena, Natters, shelaweena, Fanficer Lore, diamondsinthesky, SG1-Fanfic, black leather, and Amy.

Closing Thoughts: Well, if you're reading this, you made it to the end. So, how did you like it? Did it hold up to the other parts? I know that some of you may be disappointed in the outcome of the story, but I was trying, for now, to really stick to canon and just embellish what I thought might have been left out between the episodes "Heroes Part II" and "Resurrection." However, if you can find it within yourselves to read more of my work, the sequel, Book 2 – a New Day - will definitely contain a divergence from the original story line. Besides, if Sam and Jack can't be together soon, I think I'm going to scream!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had hoped to post the sequel long before the Season 8 season begins. But alas that is not going to happen since I'm just now finishing Book I and Season 8 begins tonight. I make no promises on when it will be posted. Oh Yeah! I SO don't like Pete. Thanks again.

Please share your thoughts and comments, if you haven't already. I would really like to know what, if anything, you liked about my writing, style, idea, or character development etc. Oh – and specifics are greatly appreciated. Also, if you didn't like it, that's helpful too. I'm relatively new to the fanfic posting circle – and writing fiction in general, but I'm really enjoying writing them and hope that you enjoy reading them. So, I really could use your feedback. Besides, I have numerous other ideas in the works and am curious if it would be worth the time and effort to pursue them. Thanks for your time.

Footnotes:

1 This is a quote from "Olive Oyl" in the cartoon Popeye. Sorry – haven't found out the title of the actual TV episode yet.

2 "Fruit Loops" belong exclusively to Kellogg's corporation.

3 This is referencing a character from the "Simpsons" TV show.

Just reiterating, no money was made from the posting of this story. It is purely being posted for enjoyment and pleasure. Only a brief mention of a few specifics lyrics were used. Are rights to the song belong entire to Neil Sedaka. I claim no rights to it, but I highly recommend purchasing the above mentioned album. It's really soothing.