Disclaimer: Me no own Trek. Wish me did.
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Reviewer Replies (Whoa! Seven reviews! Oh, yes! Oh yay! So happy! Seven as in 7 as in... er... yeah, SEVEN! Thanks, everyone.)
* Alania: ROTFLOL? Hehe, No Name. That will probably confuse people later on... Not people people, but Enterprise people. Anyway, I feel bad for Kirk too. Losing your toupee to lizard. So sad. Please keep reading! ------/==\
* Sukuru: Oh you did review, I'm sorry. I guess it came late with the email. I've got no idea why. And capital letters aren't bad... I've kept going.
* Broken Infinity: No, you hadn't reviewed. -_- But you have now! Yay! Very glad you like it. And thank you.
* Happi Froggi: So many reviews! I still haven't recovered! There would be more to this reply if you hadn't killed me. Stop thinking. There won't be any lizard quesadillas this chapter. Well, thanks for reviewing, anyway.
* firedawn: Glad you liked it. I've had that problem before, laughing out loud when there are other people in the room. Yep, I think I post pretty often, so you won't have to wait long. I've been having computer problems or I would be writing more.
* May Solo: Wow. I feel all complimented. Thank you. Keep reading.
* Ariennye: He won't kill my Chekov. I hope. Hee hee hee.
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LIZARDS OUTSIDE THE BUN
Chapter Four ~~~ A rain-coated singing lizard
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"I can't believe it," McCoy said to Nurse Chapel.
"What, Doctor?" she asked in her I'm-a-clueless-person-because-this-show- was-made-in-the-sixties-where-women-were-considered-clueless voice.
"Chekov is STILL alive."
"Was he supposed to die?" Still the I-A-C-P-B-T-S-W-M-I-T-S-W-W-W-C-C voice.
"Well, him and Sulu..."
"Oh." Nurse Chapel seemed to have given up and turned her attention once more to the specially shaped salt shakers.
Suddenly someone dead walked in. Actually, two people who were dead. And you guessed it; they were Chekov and Sulu.
("What?!" McCoy turned to the author in annoyance. Okay, a bit more than annoyance.
"What?" i-am-bug's tone was definitely different.
"You can't have DEAD people walking into Sickbay! It. Just. Doesn't. Happen."
"You're talking like Kirk."
McCoy sighed. "Just get rid of the dead people.
And because the author doesn't know how to explain the dead people walking in, they are to be removed from the story.)
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"Okay, we need to have a challenge. Other freak accidents like the Toupee Incident" (Chekov snickered) "will not happen everyday. We'll have to give points another way," Sulu said.
"Yes... Do they haff to be lizard contests, though? Maybe ve could haff some other kind of contest."
"Hmm, good point. We could have... a relay race, or something."
"Hmm," Chekov agreed, "But I doubt Mister Spock vould like that. You know- he did the lizard contest because it vas 'an opportunity to learn about Terran animals' or somethink."
"Hmm, we could do some math stuff, maybe. Or maybe some, er, I dunno."
"Math. Eweryvun else vould be crushed."
Sulu put on his deep in thought face and sat in deep thought for a moment. Then suddenly he perked up. "We can have both! We can have math and a relay race, see? And it would work."
"Maybe."
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The surprising thing was that Ensign Silver had, in fact, created a psychic connection with No Name. Some humans WERE psychic. And Silver had studied the Vulcans so much that she felt she could pass for one. Maybe she could. She brought her face to a point of no emotion, and stood perfectly straight with her hands clasped behind her back. She raised an eyebrow and surveyed herself in the mirror. Definitely Vulcan.
No Name seemed to react to this too. He kind of raised himself up and nodded with his little lizard head.
Silver thought she heard the echo of the words 'Yes, very Vulcan,' in her head. A thought struck her. Maybe they had gotten her psyche reading WRONG, before. Maybe she really WAS psychic. Maybe if she went down to sickbay now and took the test again it would prove that she was psychic.
She sat No Name on her head (this was safe; she wore no wig) and walked out the door, through the halls, into the turbolift, through MORE halls, and to sickbay. Or rather the hall outside sickbay. Because then... well, you'll find out.
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Spock picked Sybok up in cupped hands and surveyed him from all angles. He was entering in information about the Sybok's markings to the computer. He was about to type in the word 'green' when the intercom system beeped at him.
"Report to Rec. Room 2, report to Rec. room 2," the computer voice said annoyingly. Not that Spock was annoyed. It was just... annoying.
He made his way to Rec. Room. The others were there, of course. Ensign Silver had heard the announcement in the hallway, just outside of Sickbay. Her psychicness would have to wait until later.
Sulu and Chekov, who were still alive, stood in the middle of them room. "Part of this contest," Sulu began, "Will be a challenge. Chekov and I have... reviewed some ideas" (he didn't mention that they had been relay races and math problems; they had later decided to do something else) "but we decided on one thing for th first challenge. You will be able to pick a partner, but in that case you will have to split the points that you earn. So here is the challenge: A puzzle! I happened to have some nice puzzles in my quarters, and a few other random ensigns have also contributed. ANYway, the first person to finish their puzzle will get fifteen points. Second, ten points. And third, five points. Got it?"
"May I inquire as to what this has to do with lizards?" Spock asked.
"They're lizard puzzles," Chekov said brightly. "And it vill be fun."
The Eyebrow raised, but was ignored by everyone. One of the Lizards Outside the Bun Police was handing out puzzles. Each was about 100 pieces; Sulu and Chekov didn't want the contest to go TOO long.
"So, does anyone want to work with a partner?" Sulu asked.
Kirk was eyeing Ensign Silver and Uhura, who were the only females in the competition. Ensign Silver eyed back at him, though maybe "eyed" was a bad choice of words. She was glaring at him with a most McCoy-like glare. One that said Of course I don't want to work with you, you idiot. Uhura was pointedly ignoring him.
Actually, Silver wanted to work with Spock, mostly because of his Vulcan- ness, but also because they would get done quicker. Puzzles could be considered problems of logic. So it was logical to work with Spock.
But Spock did not want to work with anyone. For if he did and won, he would only get seven-point-five points, whereas the person who came in second would get ten. But, of course, he was merely in the contest for intellectual reasons.
McCoy sniggered.
As it turned out, McCoy was working with Scotty (but only after threatening to give Scott his physical early), Silver was working with Roberts, and everyone else was doing it alone.
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"I'm betting on Spock," Sulu mumbled to Chekov.
Chekov, who had only been half-listening, whirled around, a look of Utter Confusion on his face. "You're Betty and Spock? Vhat?"
"What?!" Utter Confusion had attacked Sulu as well.
"I asked first." Chekov sounded sulky. "And I thought you vere Hikaru."
"I am-oh, I give up. I said I'm betting on Spock."
"Oh." Chekov said no more, though the Utter Confusion had been replaced with embarrassment.
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Finally, the contestants could start with their puzzles. They were "kiddie" puzzles, and Spock raised an eyebrow at the rain-coated singing lizard picture on the box of his. The puzzle was easy enough to put together, though the picture was quite disturbing.
Kirk, however, did not share the same views. No one had taught him puzzle- putting-together at the academy, and this didn't fall under fight, hold department head meetings, and kiss girls. The last three things being the list of what Kirk does best.
He struggled with two pieces of lizard, thinking dire thoughts at Lizzie, Chekov, Sulu, and whoever invented puzzles. He swore he could hear Chekov say in the distance, "Puzzles are a Russian inwention."
Silver and Roberts were making some headway, but they were far behind Scotty and McCoy. For Scotty, who could tune a warp engine with his bare hands (and the help of a warp engine tuner), a puzzle was a piece of cake.
"Done!" McCoy exclaimed, ignoring the fact that he had done almost no work.
Sulu turned on a useful computer console that happened to be nearby. He resisted the urge to watch the Kirk and Lizzie video, and typed in Scotty and McCoy's new seven-point-five points.
Spock finished next, but was so traumatized by the finished picture that it took him a second to report the fact that he had finished. Singing lizards in bright yellow raincoats are scarier than they sound when described with mere words!
Silver and Roberts came in third, their joint minds helping them. Kirk was still struggling over the first few pieces. Without someone to tell him that this was illogical, or "Dammit, Jim, you can't do that!" he was utterly lost.
"Well, you can go now," Sulu said, once all the points were recorded. "Congrats to Scotty, McCoy, Spock, Ensign Silver, and Ensign Roberts."
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Kirk/ Lizzie: 0
Spock/ SYBOK: 15
McCOY/ Bobo: 12.5
Uhura/ Cutie: 5
Scotty/ Engine: 12.5
Roberts/ Fred: 7.5
Silver/ No Name: 7.5
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Hope you liked it! Review, and let me know! Hmm, I've got no more to say in this little author's note type thing. Just review.
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Reviewer Replies (Whoa! Seven reviews! Oh, yes! Oh yay! So happy! Seven as in 7 as in... er... yeah, SEVEN! Thanks, everyone.)
* Alania: ROTFLOL? Hehe, No Name. That will probably confuse people later on... Not people people, but Enterprise people. Anyway, I feel bad for Kirk too. Losing your toupee to lizard. So sad. Please keep reading! ------/==\
* Sukuru: Oh you did review, I'm sorry. I guess it came late with the email. I've got no idea why. And capital letters aren't bad... I've kept going.
* Broken Infinity: No, you hadn't reviewed. -_- But you have now! Yay! Very glad you like it. And thank you.
* Happi Froggi: So many reviews! I still haven't recovered! There would be more to this reply if you hadn't killed me. Stop thinking. There won't be any lizard quesadillas this chapter. Well, thanks for reviewing, anyway.
* firedawn: Glad you liked it. I've had that problem before, laughing out loud when there are other people in the room. Yep, I think I post pretty often, so you won't have to wait long. I've been having computer problems or I would be writing more.
* May Solo: Wow. I feel all complimented. Thank you. Keep reading.
* Ariennye: He won't kill my Chekov. I hope. Hee hee hee.
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LIZARDS OUTSIDE THE BUN
Chapter Four ~~~ A rain-coated singing lizard
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"I can't believe it," McCoy said to Nurse Chapel.
"What, Doctor?" she asked in her I'm-a-clueless-person-because-this-show- was-made-in-the-sixties-where-women-were-considered-clueless voice.
"Chekov is STILL alive."
"Was he supposed to die?" Still the I-A-C-P-B-T-S-W-M-I-T-S-W-W-W-C-C voice.
"Well, him and Sulu..."
"Oh." Nurse Chapel seemed to have given up and turned her attention once more to the specially shaped salt shakers.
Suddenly someone dead walked in. Actually, two people who were dead. And you guessed it; they were Chekov and Sulu.
("What?!" McCoy turned to the author in annoyance. Okay, a bit more than annoyance.
"What?" i-am-bug's tone was definitely different.
"You can't have DEAD people walking into Sickbay! It. Just. Doesn't. Happen."
"You're talking like Kirk."
McCoy sighed. "Just get rid of the dead people.
And because the author doesn't know how to explain the dead people walking in, they are to be removed from the story.)
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*
"Okay, we need to have a challenge. Other freak accidents like the Toupee Incident" (Chekov snickered) "will not happen everyday. We'll have to give points another way," Sulu said.
"Yes... Do they haff to be lizard contests, though? Maybe ve could haff some other kind of contest."
"Hmm, good point. We could have... a relay race, or something."
"Hmm," Chekov agreed, "But I doubt Mister Spock vould like that. You know- he did the lizard contest because it vas 'an opportunity to learn about Terran animals' or somethink."
"Hmm, we could do some math stuff, maybe. Or maybe some, er, I dunno."
"Math. Eweryvun else vould be crushed."
Sulu put on his deep in thought face and sat in deep thought for a moment. Then suddenly he perked up. "We can have both! We can have math and a relay race, see? And it would work."
"Maybe."
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*
The surprising thing was that Ensign Silver had, in fact, created a psychic connection with No Name. Some humans WERE psychic. And Silver had studied the Vulcans so much that she felt she could pass for one. Maybe she could. She brought her face to a point of no emotion, and stood perfectly straight with her hands clasped behind her back. She raised an eyebrow and surveyed herself in the mirror. Definitely Vulcan.
No Name seemed to react to this too. He kind of raised himself up and nodded with his little lizard head.
Silver thought she heard the echo of the words 'Yes, very Vulcan,' in her head. A thought struck her. Maybe they had gotten her psyche reading WRONG, before. Maybe she really WAS psychic. Maybe if she went down to sickbay now and took the test again it would prove that she was psychic.
She sat No Name on her head (this was safe; she wore no wig) and walked out the door, through the halls, into the turbolift, through MORE halls, and to sickbay. Or rather the hall outside sickbay. Because then... well, you'll find out.
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*
Spock picked Sybok up in cupped hands and surveyed him from all angles. He was entering in information about the Sybok's markings to the computer. He was about to type in the word 'green' when the intercom system beeped at him.
"Report to Rec. Room 2, report to Rec. room 2," the computer voice said annoyingly. Not that Spock was annoyed. It was just... annoying.
He made his way to Rec. Room. The others were there, of course. Ensign Silver had heard the announcement in the hallway, just outside of Sickbay. Her psychicness would have to wait until later.
Sulu and Chekov, who were still alive, stood in the middle of them room. "Part of this contest," Sulu began, "Will be a challenge. Chekov and I have... reviewed some ideas" (he didn't mention that they had been relay races and math problems; they had later decided to do something else) "but we decided on one thing for th first challenge. You will be able to pick a partner, but in that case you will have to split the points that you earn. So here is the challenge: A puzzle! I happened to have some nice puzzles in my quarters, and a few other random ensigns have also contributed. ANYway, the first person to finish their puzzle will get fifteen points. Second, ten points. And third, five points. Got it?"
"May I inquire as to what this has to do with lizards?" Spock asked.
"They're lizard puzzles," Chekov said brightly. "And it vill be fun."
The Eyebrow raised, but was ignored by everyone. One of the Lizards Outside the Bun Police was handing out puzzles. Each was about 100 pieces; Sulu and Chekov didn't want the contest to go TOO long.
"So, does anyone want to work with a partner?" Sulu asked.
Kirk was eyeing Ensign Silver and Uhura, who were the only females in the competition. Ensign Silver eyed back at him, though maybe "eyed" was a bad choice of words. She was glaring at him with a most McCoy-like glare. One that said Of course I don't want to work with you, you idiot. Uhura was pointedly ignoring him.
Actually, Silver wanted to work with Spock, mostly because of his Vulcan- ness, but also because they would get done quicker. Puzzles could be considered problems of logic. So it was logical to work with Spock.
But Spock did not want to work with anyone. For if he did and won, he would only get seven-point-five points, whereas the person who came in second would get ten. But, of course, he was merely in the contest for intellectual reasons.
McCoy sniggered.
As it turned out, McCoy was working with Scotty (but only after threatening to give Scott his physical early), Silver was working with Roberts, and everyone else was doing it alone.
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*
"I'm betting on Spock," Sulu mumbled to Chekov.
Chekov, who had only been half-listening, whirled around, a look of Utter Confusion on his face. "You're Betty and Spock? Vhat?"
"What?!" Utter Confusion had attacked Sulu as well.
"I asked first." Chekov sounded sulky. "And I thought you vere Hikaru."
"I am-oh, I give up. I said I'm betting on Spock."
"Oh." Chekov said no more, though the Utter Confusion had been replaced with embarrassment.
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*
Finally, the contestants could start with their puzzles. They were "kiddie" puzzles, and Spock raised an eyebrow at the rain-coated singing lizard picture on the box of his. The puzzle was easy enough to put together, though the picture was quite disturbing.
Kirk, however, did not share the same views. No one had taught him puzzle- putting-together at the academy, and this didn't fall under fight, hold department head meetings, and kiss girls. The last three things being the list of what Kirk does best.
He struggled with two pieces of lizard, thinking dire thoughts at Lizzie, Chekov, Sulu, and whoever invented puzzles. He swore he could hear Chekov say in the distance, "Puzzles are a Russian inwention."
Silver and Roberts were making some headway, but they were far behind Scotty and McCoy. For Scotty, who could tune a warp engine with his bare hands (and the help of a warp engine tuner), a puzzle was a piece of cake.
"Done!" McCoy exclaimed, ignoring the fact that he had done almost no work.
Sulu turned on a useful computer console that happened to be nearby. He resisted the urge to watch the Kirk and Lizzie video, and typed in Scotty and McCoy's new seven-point-five points.
Spock finished next, but was so traumatized by the finished picture that it took him a second to report the fact that he had finished. Singing lizards in bright yellow raincoats are scarier than they sound when described with mere words!
Silver and Roberts came in third, their joint minds helping them. Kirk was still struggling over the first few pieces. Without someone to tell him that this was illogical, or "Dammit, Jim, you can't do that!" he was utterly lost.
"Well, you can go now," Sulu said, once all the points were recorded. "Congrats to Scotty, McCoy, Spock, Ensign Silver, and Ensign Roberts."
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Kirk/ Lizzie: 0
Spock/ SYBOK: 15
McCOY/ Bobo: 12.5
Uhura/ Cutie: 5
Scotty/ Engine: 12.5
Roberts/ Fred: 7.5
Silver/ No Name: 7.5
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Hope you liked it! Review, and let me know! Hmm, I've got no more to say in this little author's note type thing. Just review.
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