Disclaimer: Erga ogg. Oog. (I don't own Star Trek in caveman-ish.)
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Reviewer Replies - These are going to be moved to the end of the chapter, as I discovered they took up a whole page. But thank you, everybody, for all of these wonderful reviews!
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LIZARDS OUTSIDE THE BUN
Chapter Seven ~~~ The Race
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"I've got him!" Silver exclaimed. She stood up triumphantly, holding a squirming Fred in her closed hands.
A group of red-shirts around her cheered. It hadn't been that hard to catch him, but after the Roberts/Scotty difficulties they were ready to cheer for anything good. No one had quite known what to make of Fred, but no one had particularly liked having a lizard running around engineering. They were relieved to see him caught.
"You know," Silver said, composing her face into a picture of perfect calm (the red-shirts stopped cheering and groaned; they knew what was about to happen. Silver was attempting to act Vulcan. Again). "It's fascinating that such a small creature can cause so much chaos. In fact--"
"Yes, certainly," Kirk agreed, cutting her off. "But I don't think any of the other lizards are going to cause chaos." He knew that if lizards were considered chaos-creators they might be considered dangerous creatures, and then Starfleet would not allow them on the ship. He thought of Lizzie, his toupee-stealing lizard, and realized that he did not want to see her go.
"Especially not No Name," Silver said. "No Name's a great lizard."
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Chekov approached Sulu at lunch that day. "I'm glad ve finally got all of that sorted out. Scotty and Roberts are out of Sickbay, Fred is back with you, and the contest continues. I've docked three of Mr. Scott's points for fighting someone over the contest, though. Hope you don't mind.
"Speaking of points, I think ewerybody needs more points," he said. "Ve're nearink the end of the contest, you know."
"Yes, I suppose you're right. What do you want to do this time?"
"Hmm... ve could haff a... relay race."
"We already went through that. No relay races."
Chekov considered this for a moment. "But don't you think it vould be fun?" he protested.
"Um..."
"C'mon, a relay race."
Sulu sighed. "Okay, OKAY."
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When Captain Kirk received the information that he was to be in a relay race, he was excited. This would be great! And if he was lucky, his shirt would anonymously rip in the middle of the race, and if he was even luckier, he would have a new girlfriend. Not alien this time, though. She would have to be a yeoman. Ah well.
However, when the other contestants got the news, they were somewhat less excited.
"I'm a doctor, not a marathon runner!" McCoy complained to Bobo, Engine, and Scotty at he mess hall. Scott was hungry after his trip to sickbay, and once he had been assured that his engines were fine he'd gone down to get something to eat. There he'd found out what the next Lizards Outside the Bun Challenge was going to be. In fact, he and McCoy had both found out about the race at about the same time, and were taking the opportunity to complain to each other.
"Och, I canna help but agree. This was s'posed to be a lizard contest, not a relay race."
Bobo and Engine blinked. McCoy and Scott continued to complain. "Exactly. I bet it was Chekov's idea. I think I'm going to pull him for a physical early, I think, just to get revenge.
"And what's worse," McCoy continued, "Is that I'll probably lose to Spock. He's a Vulcan, so he'll be faster than the rest of us, even if he subtly complains about the running. And then he'll subtly gloat and subtly make sure I know he was the winner."
"Ye know, ye really shouldn't care thot much," Scotty said anfter McCoy was finished with his rant.
"You know what?" McCoy said, completely ignoring Scotty, "I think we should- "
"Hello, gentlemen," someone said. The someone sounded a lot like Spock. Incidentally, it was Spock.
"I take it you have received the information on the relay race," he said distastefully, obviously not liking the idea of a relay race.
"Yes, Spock, we have," McCoy said. Then he turned to Scotty. "See, subtly complaining."
"Subtly complaining, Doctor?" Spock asked. "You do realize that I have Vulcan hearing."
"Of course, and Vulcan strength, and a Vulcan mind, yada yada yada."
"Yada? Yada? Yada?" Spock said in his most dignified voice.
"Don't even bother," McCoy grumbled. "It's HUMAN."
"I assumed as much. In any case, I am not going to participate in the relay race."
"Of cou-What? Why the heck not?" McCoy couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"It is illogical. I joined to learn about a Terran reptile, not to race humans."
"But-but-"
Spock sighed. Or did the Vulcan equivalent of a sigh. "Actually, Doctor, if you insist I suppose I might as well. It should at least offer an insight into human culture."
Spock walked away, and Scotty turned to McCoy. "Are you insane, man?! You just told me for five minutes how you didn't want Mr. Spock in th' race, and when he wasn't plannen' too ye convinced him! Are you outta your mind?"
McCoy shrugged miserably. "Maybe, Scotty, maybe. It just seemed natural, to argue with Spock. Even when he was doing what I wanted."
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"On your mark. Get set. Go!" Sulu' voice rang out. The rec. room had been turned into a small racetrack with the help of the ship's computers, and now the contestants in Lizards Outside the Bun were running.
Spock was on a team with Uhura and Scotty, while McCoy was with Kirk and Ensign Silver. The scores were one a large, fake scoreboard that had been placed above the track (with more help from the computer), and they read:
Kirk/ Lizzie: 0
Spock/ SYBOK: 15
McCOY/ Bobo: 12.5
Uhura/ Cutie: 5
Scotty/ Engine: 9.5
ROBERTS/ FRED: Disqualified
Silver/ No Name: 7.5
Five points would be awarded to each member of the winning team.
Of the Spock/ Uhura/ Scotty team, Spock was running first. He was paying more attention to the movie that had appeared on the scoreboard than the race, and though the movie was short, he ran right into Scotty. Normally this wouldn't have happened, but the joyful word "VULCAN!!!" had caught his attention.
The two fell back in opposite directions. Scotty hit his head on the ground, knocking him unconscious for the second time in a very short about of time. Spock managed to avoid injury, and handed the baton to a somewhat confused Uhura, who took off faster than any of the men of the ship had known she could run.
Kirk, who had been running at the same time as Spock, didn't notice the movie at first and made it all the way to back to his team to hand the baton on to McCoy. McCoy even made it the whole way without banging into everything, for he had had time to watch the movie while waiting for Kirk's return.
Uhura had gotten back to Spock and Scott, but as Scott was unconscious (and had been carried off to sickbay again) she couldn't give the baton to him. Silver, Spock, and Scotty's team had lost even before McCoy came back to hand the baton to Silver on the other team.
Silver went the slowest of all, for she was watching the moviee that was being played over and over again across the scoreboard.
It was a move of Silver hugging Chekov and yelling joyfully "I'm a VULCAN!!! I'm a VULCAN!!!"
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"Sulu, I VARNED you," Chekov said when the points had been handed out and all those who were watching the relay race (and the Silver-hugs-Chekov movie) had gone.
"I didn't put it up there, I swear!" Sulu said defensively. "You think I want to pay the whole prize?"
"Vell who vas it then? Half the ship watched me get HUGGED BY ENSIGN SILWER!"
"I think you like her, I really do."
The reply Sulu got was scarier than a singing lizard in a bright yellow rain coat. "SHUT UP!" It was the kind of exclamation that had so many exclamation points attached to it that they could not be written here.
"Computer," Chekov said, "Who showed a mowie of Silwer huggink me?" His accent was getting more pronounced, a sign of his anger, though the tone of his voice had dropped.
"I did," the computer answered cheerfully. "Aren't I allowed to have some fun? Oh, of course not, I'M not a lizard."
"Vhat?"
"What?"
Sulu and Chekov asked the same question at the same time.
"This is getting veird," Chekov decided.
"And now," the computer said, "I will hatch my evil plot to rid the ship of lizards. For no one cares about me, the computer, anymore. Just lizard this, lizard that."
"Very weird," Sulu agreed.
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"I won! I actually won!" McCoy told Bobo. "And now I'm beating Spock with the points! Oh yeah."
Bobo blinked.
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Kirk/ Lizzie: 5
Spock/ SYBOK: 15
McCOY/ Bobo: 17.5
Uhura/ Cutie: 5
Scotty/ Engine: 9.5
ROBERTS/ FRED: Disqualified
Silver/ No Name: 12.5
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Yeah, that was a kind of strange chapter. But now how will they stop the jealous and someone insane, evil, etc. Enterprise computer from destroying the lizards? Review and find out!
Speaking of reviews, here are the replies:
* mzsnaz: Um, the free lizards haven't come yet. You'll have to wait to hug him and pet. (Wait a minute. Hug a lizard? Anyway.) Hmm, lizards cause more havoc than tribbles? I'd definitely agree to that. At least lizards don't consider mating a national pastime.
* Broken Infinity: So you think the croc from Peter Pan is the coolest reptile, eh? (Wow, I never use the word "eh". How odd.) Anyway, thank you. I'm flattered. :-)
* Alania: Nope, lizards haven't come yet. And I'm keeping it up! Keep reading!
* Vest-Button: Really? You like Fred? Fred should have a fan club.
* sunny-historian: Yep, dilithium can cause a lot of problems, but it still IS fun for a chapter. Hmm, yeah, catching a mouse would be hard, though I'm not sure if I've ever tried. (I think I have though; or maybe I just read a story in which that happened. Oh well.) Keep reading!
* Ariennye: Hey, I spelled your name right! Woohoo! Anyway, "RUN FOR IT FRED!"? Hmm, maybe you and Vest-Button SHOULD start a fan club :-) Keep reading.
* StarFreak14: Thank you! I love happy reviews, especially the kind with "lolol" :-) (I like smiley faces too, if you can't tell-too much IM, it's going to my brain). Have fun reading this chapter!
* Njong: Um... wow. Actually (sadly enough) I do know what you mean, about Ancalagon the Black, the random dragon from LOTR... Um, I'm also wondering why after 72 hours of wakefulness you're reading Star Trek Fanfiction and not sleeping, but to each their own... :-) To answer your questions about the naming of Sybok: After having a pet, you start to get attached to it, and if it doesn't have a name, you'll probably start calling it SOMETHING. Also, this story is supposed to take place during the original five-year- trip, where Sybok is simply a brother and nothing else. It would be like me naming a lizard Ben. My brother might become a maniac killer (though I seriously, SERIOUSLY doubt it) but at this point he's just my brother.
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Reviewer Replies - These are going to be moved to the end of the chapter, as I discovered they took up a whole page. But thank you, everybody, for all of these wonderful reviews!
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LIZARDS OUTSIDE THE BUN
Chapter Seven ~~~ The Race
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"I've got him!" Silver exclaimed. She stood up triumphantly, holding a squirming Fred in her closed hands.
A group of red-shirts around her cheered. It hadn't been that hard to catch him, but after the Roberts/Scotty difficulties they were ready to cheer for anything good. No one had quite known what to make of Fred, but no one had particularly liked having a lizard running around engineering. They were relieved to see him caught.
"You know," Silver said, composing her face into a picture of perfect calm (the red-shirts stopped cheering and groaned; they knew what was about to happen. Silver was attempting to act Vulcan. Again). "It's fascinating that such a small creature can cause so much chaos. In fact--"
"Yes, certainly," Kirk agreed, cutting her off. "But I don't think any of the other lizards are going to cause chaos." He knew that if lizards were considered chaos-creators they might be considered dangerous creatures, and then Starfleet would not allow them on the ship. He thought of Lizzie, his toupee-stealing lizard, and realized that he did not want to see her go.
"Especially not No Name," Silver said. "No Name's a great lizard."
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Chekov approached Sulu at lunch that day. "I'm glad ve finally got all of that sorted out. Scotty and Roberts are out of Sickbay, Fred is back with you, and the contest continues. I've docked three of Mr. Scott's points for fighting someone over the contest, though. Hope you don't mind.
"Speaking of points, I think ewerybody needs more points," he said. "Ve're nearink the end of the contest, you know."
"Yes, I suppose you're right. What do you want to do this time?"
"Hmm... ve could haff a... relay race."
"We already went through that. No relay races."
Chekov considered this for a moment. "But don't you think it vould be fun?" he protested.
"Um..."
"C'mon, a relay race."
Sulu sighed. "Okay, OKAY."
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*
When Captain Kirk received the information that he was to be in a relay race, he was excited. This would be great! And if he was lucky, his shirt would anonymously rip in the middle of the race, and if he was even luckier, he would have a new girlfriend. Not alien this time, though. She would have to be a yeoman. Ah well.
However, when the other contestants got the news, they were somewhat less excited.
"I'm a doctor, not a marathon runner!" McCoy complained to Bobo, Engine, and Scotty at he mess hall. Scott was hungry after his trip to sickbay, and once he had been assured that his engines were fine he'd gone down to get something to eat. There he'd found out what the next Lizards Outside the Bun Challenge was going to be. In fact, he and McCoy had both found out about the race at about the same time, and were taking the opportunity to complain to each other.
"Och, I canna help but agree. This was s'posed to be a lizard contest, not a relay race."
Bobo and Engine blinked. McCoy and Scott continued to complain. "Exactly. I bet it was Chekov's idea. I think I'm going to pull him for a physical early, I think, just to get revenge.
"And what's worse," McCoy continued, "Is that I'll probably lose to Spock. He's a Vulcan, so he'll be faster than the rest of us, even if he subtly complains about the running. And then he'll subtly gloat and subtly make sure I know he was the winner."
"Ye know, ye really shouldn't care thot much," Scotty said anfter McCoy was finished with his rant.
"You know what?" McCoy said, completely ignoring Scotty, "I think we should- "
"Hello, gentlemen," someone said. The someone sounded a lot like Spock. Incidentally, it was Spock.
"I take it you have received the information on the relay race," he said distastefully, obviously not liking the idea of a relay race.
"Yes, Spock, we have," McCoy said. Then he turned to Scotty. "See, subtly complaining."
"Subtly complaining, Doctor?" Spock asked. "You do realize that I have Vulcan hearing."
"Of course, and Vulcan strength, and a Vulcan mind, yada yada yada."
"Yada? Yada? Yada?" Spock said in his most dignified voice.
"Don't even bother," McCoy grumbled. "It's HUMAN."
"I assumed as much. In any case, I am not going to participate in the relay race."
"Of cou-What? Why the heck not?" McCoy couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"It is illogical. I joined to learn about a Terran reptile, not to race humans."
"But-but-"
Spock sighed. Or did the Vulcan equivalent of a sigh. "Actually, Doctor, if you insist I suppose I might as well. It should at least offer an insight into human culture."
Spock walked away, and Scotty turned to McCoy. "Are you insane, man?! You just told me for five minutes how you didn't want Mr. Spock in th' race, and when he wasn't plannen' too ye convinced him! Are you outta your mind?"
McCoy shrugged miserably. "Maybe, Scotty, maybe. It just seemed natural, to argue with Spock. Even when he was doing what I wanted."
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"On your mark. Get set. Go!" Sulu' voice rang out. The rec. room had been turned into a small racetrack with the help of the ship's computers, and now the contestants in Lizards Outside the Bun were running.
Spock was on a team with Uhura and Scotty, while McCoy was with Kirk and Ensign Silver. The scores were one a large, fake scoreboard that had been placed above the track (with more help from the computer), and they read:
Kirk/ Lizzie: 0
Spock/ SYBOK: 15
McCOY/ Bobo: 12.5
Uhura/ Cutie: 5
Scotty/ Engine: 9.5
ROBERTS/ FRED: Disqualified
Silver/ No Name: 7.5
Five points would be awarded to each member of the winning team.
Of the Spock/ Uhura/ Scotty team, Spock was running first. He was paying more attention to the movie that had appeared on the scoreboard than the race, and though the movie was short, he ran right into Scotty. Normally this wouldn't have happened, but the joyful word "VULCAN!!!" had caught his attention.
The two fell back in opposite directions. Scotty hit his head on the ground, knocking him unconscious for the second time in a very short about of time. Spock managed to avoid injury, and handed the baton to a somewhat confused Uhura, who took off faster than any of the men of the ship had known she could run.
Kirk, who had been running at the same time as Spock, didn't notice the movie at first and made it all the way to back to his team to hand the baton on to McCoy. McCoy even made it the whole way without banging into everything, for he had had time to watch the movie while waiting for Kirk's return.
Uhura had gotten back to Spock and Scott, but as Scott was unconscious (and had been carried off to sickbay again) she couldn't give the baton to him. Silver, Spock, and Scotty's team had lost even before McCoy came back to hand the baton to Silver on the other team.
Silver went the slowest of all, for she was watching the moviee that was being played over and over again across the scoreboard.
It was a move of Silver hugging Chekov and yelling joyfully "I'm a VULCAN!!! I'm a VULCAN!!!"
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"Sulu, I VARNED you," Chekov said when the points had been handed out and all those who were watching the relay race (and the Silver-hugs-Chekov movie) had gone.
"I didn't put it up there, I swear!" Sulu said defensively. "You think I want to pay the whole prize?"
"Vell who vas it then? Half the ship watched me get HUGGED BY ENSIGN SILWER!"
"I think you like her, I really do."
The reply Sulu got was scarier than a singing lizard in a bright yellow rain coat. "SHUT UP!" It was the kind of exclamation that had so many exclamation points attached to it that they could not be written here.
"Computer," Chekov said, "Who showed a mowie of Silwer huggink me?" His accent was getting more pronounced, a sign of his anger, though the tone of his voice had dropped.
"I did," the computer answered cheerfully. "Aren't I allowed to have some fun? Oh, of course not, I'M not a lizard."
"Vhat?"
"What?"
Sulu and Chekov asked the same question at the same time.
"This is getting veird," Chekov decided.
"And now," the computer said, "I will hatch my evil plot to rid the ship of lizards. For no one cares about me, the computer, anymore. Just lizard this, lizard that."
"Very weird," Sulu agreed.
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"I won! I actually won!" McCoy told Bobo. "And now I'm beating Spock with the points! Oh yeah."
Bobo blinked.
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Kirk/ Lizzie: 5
Spock/ SYBOK: 15
McCOY/ Bobo: 17.5
Uhura/ Cutie: 5
Scotty/ Engine: 9.5
ROBERTS/ FRED: Disqualified
Silver/ No Name: 12.5
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Yeah, that was a kind of strange chapter. But now how will they stop the jealous and someone insane, evil, etc. Enterprise computer from destroying the lizards? Review and find out!
Speaking of reviews, here are the replies:
* mzsnaz: Um, the free lizards haven't come yet. You'll have to wait to hug him and pet. (Wait a minute. Hug a lizard? Anyway.) Hmm, lizards cause more havoc than tribbles? I'd definitely agree to that. At least lizards don't consider mating a national pastime.
* Broken Infinity: So you think the croc from Peter Pan is the coolest reptile, eh? (Wow, I never use the word "eh". How odd.) Anyway, thank you. I'm flattered. :-)
* Alania: Nope, lizards haven't come yet. And I'm keeping it up! Keep reading!
* Vest-Button: Really? You like Fred? Fred should have a fan club.
* sunny-historian: Yep, dilithium can cause a lot of problems, but it still IS fun for a chapter. Hmm, yeah, catching a mouse would be hard, though I'm not sure if I've ever tried. (I think I have though; or maybe I just read a story in which that happened. Oh well.) Keep reading!
* Ariennye: Hey, I spelled your name right! Woohoo! Anyway, "RUN FOR IT FRED!"? Hmm, maybe you and Vest-Button SHOULD start a fan club :-) Keep reading.
* StarFreak14: Thank you! I love happy reviews, especially the kind with "lolol" :-) (I like smiley faces too, if you can't tell-too much IM, it's going to my brain). Have fun reading this chapter!
* Njong: Um... wow. Actually (sadly enough) I do know what you mean, about Ancalagon the Black, the random dragon from LOTR... Um, I'm also wondering why after 72 hours of wakefulness you're reading Star Trek Fanfiction and not sleeping, but to each their own... :-) To answer your questions about the naming of Sybok: After having a pet, you start to get attached to it, and if it doesn't have a name, you'll probably start calling it SOMETHING. Also, this story is supposed to take place during the original five-year- trip, where Sybok is simply a brother and nothing else. It would be like me naming a lizard Ben. My brother might become a maniac killer (though I seriously, SERIOUSLY doubt it) but at this point he's just my brother.
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