Disclaimer: The genius Tolkien created Middle-earth and all it's inhabitants, he did not, however create the Mary-Sues that constantly screw with it, so they are fair game. Inspiration for this story comes from the 'Protectors of the Plot Continuum' and the 'Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth.' For those who haven't read either: Shame on you! Go do so! Most characters belong to themselves or to the people they are based upon. What else? Oh! I stole the name 'S.W.A.T.', obviously from S.W.A.T Law enforcements, though their name means 'Special Weapons and Tactics.' Enjoy!
S.W.A.T: Sue Warning and Termination
Chapter 1: Red Alert
S.W.A.T. H.Q.
Location: Undisclosed
Time: 07:21 hours
The morning of May 8th began as all mornings prior had at S.W.A.T (Sue Warning and Termination) Head Quarters. With utter chaos...
Red lights flashed all over, sirens blared, and a voice screamed over the loudspeakers: "Red alert! Red alert! We have a Sue! All intelligence report to your stations! All assassins report to transports! All mechanics report to ammunition! All maintenance workers please report to the third floor bathroom, the toilets are overflowing, something about a 'Magical Sue Artifact' in the plumbing. Oi! Someone from Artifact Management please report to the bathrooms as well. If I have to repeat this heads will roll!"
What could be easily classified as a stampede, rushed down the corridors and up or down the ridiculously long, curving stairwells. Everyone was dispersing into his or her appropriate post. Intelligence to a massive room filled with whirring computers and random machines, which weren't being used (nobody knew what they did). The assassins, to what looked to be elevators, with hundreds of neon buttons covering the surrounding walls, labeled with an assortment of book, movie, anime, TV show, and game titles. The mechanics reported to small booths that appeared to be re-painted hot-dog carts, now handing out bazookas and random semi- automatic guns to assassins as they passed. The maintenance workers and a few Artifact Management personnel turned into a room labeled 'bathroom' in 18 languages, including Pig Latin and Sindarin.
As hell was unleashed in S.W.A.T. Head Quarters a Mary-Sue hummed merrily to herself as she walked across the fields of Rohan, Middle-Earth. She had landed somewhere just outside of Fangorn forest and was walking towards where her 'husband-to-be', Legolas, would be in an hours time. She smiled to herself. She had successfully arrived in Middle-Earth after her family's flight had gone down in the Pacific Ocean when a large flock of Albatross had blinded the pilot, causing him to swerve into an asteroid that had magically appeared out of nowhere. Just before the plane had hit, Bridget had been surrounded my light that shone blue, pink, cream, and mauve (all at once) and was magically transported to Middle-Earth.
Bridget squinted in the distance and saw three people running about a mile and a half away. She squealed in delight and jumped up and down, clapping like an idiot.
The sharp click of a gun being loaded behind her made her stop prancing around and turn.
The sight before her was enough to make a grown man cry.
Over eighty people loaded down with ammunition and explosives stood behind her, their guns all cocked. Here and there in the crowd she could spot a fierce looking animal lunging against its harness, a crazed look in its eyes, whether they were dog, cougar, or even a gazelle. A few people sported missile launchers, or kunai knives.
One person stepped forward.
"Bridget Sunshine?" they asked
Bridget nodded, unable to do anything more.
"S.W.A.T. finds you guilty of being a Mary-Sue, claiming to be Legolas' future wife and killing an entire plane full of people to get to Middle-Earth. You have been sentenced to death, if you have any last words, too bad!" The person ginned menacingly and whistled shrilly. There was a great "BOOM" as Bridget became nothing more than a pile of smoldering ashes in a large crater.
- - - - - - - -
Back at H.Q. a man leaned back in his chare grinning evilly. He heaved a sigh of relief as all the assassins returned from Middle-Earth. He heard the whirring of computers all around him, accompanied by the murmurs of the intelligence workers who typed away at computers.
The door to the surveillance room opened and closed; there was a thump and the sound of someone stomping towards him.
The man in the chair turned and leapt away from the woman who approached him. She was a head shorter than him, with blonde hair that flew behind her as she, noisily, made her way towards him. Her dark hazel eyes that held a manic glint in them even while narrowed into a death glare. Her stomping was followed by the "Click, click" of a dogs nails. Indeed, trotting next to the woman was a gray wolf, or at least it could have been, if it didn't have a pair of feathery wings folded up as she walked.
All around the room people fell silent, shifting away from the woman.
"Steve! That is the last time I leave you in charge of S.W.A.T! I can't believe you! You sent 94 assassins on one mission! One! Not forty-seven missions with two a piece! One mission with 94 assassins! You left a crater the size of a swimming pool in the middle of Rohan and scared the living daylights out of cannon characters! Now I have to send a Clean Up Crew to fill in the hole and erase their memories to keep them from all going insane!" She screamed, her eyes blazing, "Get out before I personally disembowel you!"
Needless to say, Steve ran from the room, it was a death wish to stay near Hael Trout when she was this angry. She had nickname 'Bobcat' for a reason and, among other things, when angry her aura was had the nasty tendency to kill.
Hael collapsed into her vacated chair and slammed her head onto her keyboard. The wolf whined in concern and placed its head on her lap, ruffling it's feathers.
"Dear gods, we need new recruits from S.W.A.T. school." She muttered into her keyboard as 'fffffffffff' appeared continually across her screen.
To be continued...
Author's Note:
Well, I've half given up on writing serious fanfics; I loose interest in them to quickly. A few things I want to say, this story was partially thought up by my dear friend and Beta #1, Goddess of the Moon, who also continually bugged me until I wrote this down. More thanks go out to my Beta #2 Kelli1 (another dear friend) who continually scowled at my terrible spelling. One more and I will be done. Thanks to my many insane friends at the Woodland Park Zoo Pony Barn who nudged me in the right direction and always listened to my insane ideas. Thanks y'all!
- -WANTED- -
Characters needed to fill positions in S.W.A.T.! If interested please send me an E-mail asking for an application/character bio. I'll try and get everyone I can into this! Also Mary-Sue fanfics needed so S.W.A.T. students can learn the basics. Find fanfics online or write one and send it in!
S.W.A.T: Sue Warning and Termination
Chapter 1: Red Alert
S.W.A.T. H.Q.
Location: Undisclosed
Time: 07:21 hours
The morning of May 8th began as all mornings prior had at S.W.A.T (Sue Warning and Termination) Head Quarters. With utter chaos...
Red lights flashed all over, sirens blared, and a voice screamed over the loudspeakers: "Red alert! Red alert! We have a Sue! All intelligence report to your stations! All assassins report to transports! All mechanics report to ammunition! All maintenance workers please report to the third floor bathroom, the toilets are overflowing, something about a 'Magical Sue Artifact' in the plumbing. Oi! Someone from Artifact Management please report to the bathrooms as well. If I have to repeat this heads will roll!"
What could be easily classified as a stampede, rushed down the corridors and up or down the ridiculously long, curving stairwells. Everyone was dispersing into his or her appropriate post. Intelligence to a massive room filled with whirring computers and random machines, which weren't being used (nobody knew what they did). The assassins, to what looked to be elevators, with hundreds of neon buttons covering the surrounding walls, labeled with an assortment of book, movie, anime, TV show, and game titles. The mechanics reported to small booths that appeared to be re-painted hot-dog carts, now handing out bazookas and random semi- automatic guns to assassins as they passed. The maintenance workers and a few Artifact Management personnel turned into a room labeled 'bathroom' in 18 languages, including Pig Latin and Sindarin.
As hell was unleashed in S.W.A.T. Head Quarters a Mary-Sue hummed merrily to herself as she walked across the fields of Rohan, Middle-Earth. She had landed somewhere just outside of Fangorn forest and was walking towards where her 'husband-to-be', Legolas, would be in an hours time. She smiled to herself. She had successfully arrived in Middle-Earth after her family's flight had gone down in the Pacific Ocean when a large flock of Albatross had blinded the pilot, causing him to swerve into an asteroid that had magically appeared out of nowhere. Just before the plane had hit, Bridget had been surrounded my light that shone blue, pink, cream, and mauve (all at once) and was magically transported to Middle-Earth.
Bridget squinted in the distance and saw three people running about a mile and a half away. She squealed in delight and jumped up and down, clapping like an idiot.
The sharp click of a gun being loaded behind her made her stop prancing around and turn.
The sight before her was enough to make a grown man cry.
Over eighty people loaded down with ammunition and explosives stood behind her, their guns all cocked. Here and there in the crowd she could spot a fierce looking animal lunging against its harness, a crazed look in its eyes, whether they were dog, cougar, or even a gazelle. A few people sported missile launchers, or kunai knives.
One person stepped forward.
"Bridget Sunshine?" they asked
Bridget nodded, unable to do anything more.
"S.W.A.T. finds you guilty of being a Mary-Sue, claiming to be Legolas' future wife and killing an entire plane full of people to get to Middle-Earth. You have been sentenced to death, if you have any last words, too bad!" The person ginned menacingly and whistled shrilly. There was a great "BOOM" as Bridget became nothing more than a pile of smoldering ashes in a large crater.
- - - - - - - -
Back at H.Q. a man leaned back in his chare grinning evilly. He heaved a sigh of relief as all the assassins returned from Middle-Earth. He heard the whirring of computers all around him, accompanied by the murmurs of the intelligence workers who typed away at computers.
The door to the surveillance room opened and closed; there was a thump and the sound of someone stomping towards him.
The man in the chair turned and leapt away from the woman who approached him. She was a head shorter than him, with blonde hair that flew behind her as she, noisily, made her way towards him. Her dark hazel eyes that held a manic glint in them even while narrowed into a death glare. Her stomping was followed by the "Click, click" of a dogs nails. Indeed, trotting next to the woman was a gray wolf, or at least it could have been, if it didn't have a pair of feathery wings folded up as she walked.
All around the room people fell silent, shifting away from the woman.
"Steve! That is the last time I leave you in charge of S.W.A.T! I can't believe you! You sent 94 assassins on one mission! One! Not forty-seven missions with two a piece! One mission with 94 assassins! You left a crater the size of a swimming pool in the middle of Rohan and scared the living daylights out of cannon characters! Now I have to send a Clean Up Crew to fill in the hole and erase their memories to keep them from all going insane!" She screamed, her eyes blazing, "Get out before I personally disembowel you!"
Needless to say, Steve ran from the room, it was a death wish to stay near Hael Trout when she was this angry. She had nickname 'Bobcat' for a reason and, among other things, when angry her aura was had the nasty tendency to kill.
Hael collapsed into her vacated chair and slammed her head onto her keyboard. The wolf whined in concern and placed its head on her lap, ruffling it's feathers.
"Dear gods, we need new recruits from S.W.A.T. school." She muttered into her keyboard as 'fffffffffff' appeared continually across her screen.
To be continued...
Author's Note:
Well, I've half given up on writing serious fanfics; I loose interest in them to quickly. A few things I want to say, this story was partially thought up by my dear friend and Beta #1, Goddess of the Moon, who also continually bugged me until I wrote this down. More thanks go out to my Beta #2 Kelli1 (another dear friend) who continually scowled at my terrible spelling. One more and I will be done. Thanks to my many insane friends at the Woodland Park Zoo Pony Barn who nudged me in the right direction and always listened to my insane ideas. Thanks y'all!
- -WANTED- -
Characters needed to fill positions in S.W.A.T.! If interested please send me an E-mail asking for an application/character bio. I'll try and get everyone I can into this! Also Mary-Sue fanfics needed so S.W.A.T. students can learn the basics. Find fanfics online or write one and send it in!